Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

[Diving Diva]

My partner and I were doing a STAT ALS transfer into the city, and we were settling our patient on our stretcher when our patients husband asked us if we wanted some of the flowers from her room. My partner then says, "no thank you, everything around me dies."

He quickly covered his tracks, but it was hilarious!

 

[Second]

It would have to be a good recovery after that one. But thats awesome!

 

[ethorp]

My partner and I were doing a STAT ALS transfer into the city, and we were settling our patient on our stretcher when our patients husband asked us if we wanted some of the flowers from her room. My partner then says, "no thank you, everything around me dies."

He quickly covered his tracks, but it was hilarious!

thats an o S*** situation

 

[imurphy]

While on a code in a nursing home....

Pt apnec, PEA with 1mg Epi given already. 3-5 minutes later

Doctor: Ok, push 1 mg Adenozine
Me: Erm, doc. Don't you mean Atropine.
Doc: Oh that's right. I knew it began with an "A"

 

[kittaypie]

While on a code in a nursing home....

Pt apnec, PEA with 1mg Epi given already. 3-5 minutes later

Doctor: Ok, push 1 mg Adenozine
Me: Erm, doc. Don't you mean Atropine.
Doc: Oh that's right. I knew it began with an "A"

that's comforting!

 

[Porky1]

Transporting a dying patient to the ED from a nursing home. Patient chart has resuscitation orders on it. Ready for this? .....Cardiac drugs allowed, Intubation allowed. IV not allowed, artificial ventilation not allowed. Written by family physician and signed by same physician. Ah yes, life of a medic in EMS. Fun!!

 

[kittaypie]

Transporting a dying patient to the ED from a nursing home. Patient chart has resuscitation orders on it. Ready for this? .....Cardiac drugs allowed, Intubation allowed. IV not allowed, artificial ventilation not allowed. Written by family physician and signed by same physician. Ah yes, life of a medic in EMS. Fun!!

just stick the tube in and hope he starts breathing again!

 

[RescueYou]

We had an arrest. I ended up surfing all the way to the hospital. The family followed us in their car. When I was walking out of the pt's room, the family asked me "Is he going to be okay?" I replied, "We're trying our best. He had no pulse when we got there." They said "What did you do?" I replied "I rode him all the way to the hospital and then my partner Sherri took over."

Oh the hell his wife gave me....

 

[nomofica]

Not to a patient, but over the radio last night. I got a laugh... Maybe it was because I was overtired?

Dispatch: "Unit 23 please divert to Belvedere"
Unit 23: "But that's way on north side!"
Dispatch: "Well, uh... unit 25 can take it if you want to stay downtown..."
Unit 25: "don't worry, we'll take it"
Dispatch: "there you go"
Unit 23: "Good, we're having good luck over here!"
Dispatch: "what do you mean?"
Unit 23: "Yesterday my bunion hurt and I got a papercut... tonight we have real patients!"
Dispatch: "*chuckles* Oh Lord..."

 

[fiddlesticks]

dont worry i got you to my 25o plus pound partner as we he fell down an icy hill with the bags. yep i went with him lol

 

[flhtci01]

Transporting 99 y/o to ER. Pt "I hope they don't put me on the top floor, it's too close to heaven." Partner "Beats the basement"

 

[62_derick]

well this wasnt what anyone said to the pt.
I was on a call during my precepting and got called out for a unknown problem. We pull up to this house man outside on the porch with a cop there the cop helps out said man and says he is drunk and wants to go to the hospital to get dried up.

As the said man was coming down the steps and so was his pants and (mind you that he was not wearing any underware), my medic got a eye full of that and was not happy.

So we loaded said man into ambulance he told us he was a recovering acholic and was on a drinking binze. Oh and this was at 12 pm and he stoped drinking at 10am which he drank 2 liters of vodka.

As we get rolling to the hospital he is complaining of tightness in his chest. the medic starts an iv and we go to give him O2 on a NC and he freaks out saying he is colstrophobic and cant wear that.

I just thought that was a funny call.

 

[Seaglass]

Responding to an MVA...
Drunk passenger: "Y'all are so nice to come out here and help me. Y'all don't have to do that!"
Partner: "Yeah, we do. We're from the fire department, sir."
Drunk: "Oh... that's why you're all dressed alike?"

Responding to a fall...
Another patient: "Am I going to die?"
Another partner: "You don't get out of a broken hip that easily."

 

[Medic One]

Best thing that was said to me from a patients family was......


Asthma call..blah.. blah... blah... load pt neb treatment..tell girlfriend to get up front we will leave in a minute.

Close doors walk around to drivers seat to see the patients girlfriend EATING MY LUNCH!!!!! ....I was like what the f are you doing....she said I was hungry and saw the cooler open so I took a sandwich...you have three

I went wild and she had the nerve to say "I pay taxes...your on my time so your lunch was paid by me"

My partner started to laugh at me but did help with payback...

She quickly found herself walking to the ER and her boyfriend had several IV attempts made on him...I will always remember my partner trying not to laugh and while saying "Oh sorry the roads are bad sir but I have to try again"

 

[Scout]

her boyfriend had several IV attempts made on him...

Sir you are an Ahole.

 

[Medic One]

Sir you are an Ahole.

Hey...I didn't do the IV's I was driving watching the passenger/family member eat my lunch...I was on a 24 and she ate a sandwich of mine...

I don't condone my partners actions and maybe the roads were bad...I mean this was in the late 80's and we all know how hard the old Econoline350's drove

 

[VFFforpeople]

Ate your sandwhich huh? ETOH..or other 80s items used by the two? Like the muchies she was trying to get taken care of hahaha.

 

[usafmedic45]

Another patient: "Am I going to die?"
Another partner: "You don't get out of a broken hip that easily."

I've heard the exact same thing said by an orthopedic surgeon. :lol:

 

[eman00]

Transported a 80 something y/o female pt BLS from a conv. to the ER for abnormal labs. Pt. was usually on 3 LPM oxygen via cannula, and I switch her cannula tubing to our O2 tank and then asked my partner,

"Where do we put it at?" (referring to the O2 tank, it wasn't secured on the gurney).
My partner's response: "Just put it in between her legs"

Luckily the pt didn't speak much English, so I don't think she understood what he said.

 

[creative_soul]

Thanks to everyone who shared, I got many good laughs from this thread. I just started basic school and have not gone on any runs yet. It is nice to see the lighter side of the job. Now I know how most of you stay (almost) sane!