Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

at the scene of a possible seizure.
PT stated he felt like he was going to throw up. So we gave him a small bucket
After 15 minutes of him sitting and hugging the bucket
Park Cop
"So are you going to throw up soon or do you just REALLY like that bucket"
 
I encountered an elderly woman, in nursing home, on hospice. We were visiting the residents. It was a weekly thing.
She told a hilarious joke to everyone. I couldn't help it, and bursted out laughing. I said, "I'm dying laughing". And the woman gave an unexplainable look to us, and wheeled away to her room.
 
Ive gotten laughs from the other cops and firefighters on the scene when I ask a house full of people if all 5 cars in the driveway are broken, responding to a guy who called for 4 day old knee pain.
 
Had an incident the other day, employee came to my office and advised he had some of the CLR cleaning fluid splash in his left eye. I instructed him how to flush his eye with an eye bath and saline. After the second treatment he looked at the bottle next to him and asked what it was. As I picked the bottle up I put on a horrified expression and exclaimed 'OH F***!', he jumped off my examination table with a look of abject horror. 'What is it? What have you put in my eye?'. I turned the bottle over and calmly said 'Oh this...it's only saline'. His supervisor cracked up laughing and the employee took it real well and said, 'OK, you got me REAL good on that one, but you did get me worried'. He was still laughing about it the next day when I did a follow up exam.
 
medicp94dao said:
listening to breath sounds on 16 yo F c/o sob.

me: ok gonna listen to your lungs i need you to take as deep a breath as you can. ( she inhales )

16 y/o F : that makes my boobs look bigger

me: bright red and speechless.
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Reminds me of a joke...16 y/o F with a lisp, doctor listens to her chest and says, 'Big Breaths' and she turns round and says 'Yeth, and I'm only sixthteen'.
 
Certainly not a funny one...but I had a partner who had NO social skills. We were coding 50 something y/o WM in front of his wife. he was working compressions...and all of the sudden..."crack". ANd he cant help himself but say "oh yeah...that was a GOOOOOOD one" in a rather proud jovial voice...rather proud that he had just cracked a rib. Wife...not ammused.
 
First FTO day, we get called to an urgent care for cardiac issues. We get ready to transport. My FTO notices that they did an EKG. He tells the PT “I’m no expert in reading these but everything looks steady”
Me: “yeah none of the lines are flat”
FTO: looks at me “time and a place dude”
 
Me: (walking into house) “hi, what’s going on?”
pt: looking like he’s having an MI) “I feel like $#17”
me: “well, you look like $#17, how ’bout we skip the small talk and get you to the hospital.”

guy was rocking a big STEMI. Got him to the cath lab in Savannah and he got a few stents. He brought a bottle of scotch the station for me a few weeks later. Good guy.
 
NomadicMedic said:
Me: (walking into house) “hi, what’s going on?”
pt: looking like he’s having an MI) “I feel like $#17”
me: “well, you look like $#17, how ’bout we skip the small talk and get you to the hospital.”

guy was rocking a big STEMI. Got him to the cath lab in Savannah and he got a few stents. He brought a bottle of scotch the station for me a few weeks later. Good guy.
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So "Sick - Not Sick" worked?
 
ffemt8978 said:
So "Sick - Not Sick" worked?
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he was “cardiac gray”. I tell all my EMT student, you’ll know it when you see it. He was decidedly sick. :)

I remember that call like it was yesterday too. Thinking, this guy is gonna code on the way. I had defib pads on him, an EPI preload sitting in the bench next to me and the airway bag within easy reach. Nothin’ happened.

getting all my stuff ready warded off evil spirits.
 
jordanfstop said:
Said by one of the medics regarding a patient who frequently calls us asking for albuterol treatment and then refuses transport.

"The quicker you sign this piece of paper, the quicker I can get back to sleep."
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I had a hard time laughing at this one. I'm dying!
 
Riding with a fairly senior EMT, I responded with an ALS intercept truck (all volunteer BLS Rigs) to a nursing home in rural New York. While I was receiving report from the RN at the scene, I hear my partner yell at the top of her lungs "Oh my God, she's "crowning"! Well, the RN looked at me and I at her and said "Isn't she in her nineties?" The RN nodded and we bothered ran into the room. Turns out the abdominal pain was due to here prolapse uterus... You can probably imagine the discussion about the "birds and the bees" that ensued encountered to the hospital. I was laughing so hard I cried!
 
Here in SoCal we have a fairly large number of elderly ladies originally from New York. Many of them with obvious Brooklyn accents. When transporting them between facilities I would get my first set of vitals and make sure they were comfortable. I would then say "I hear an accent in your voice. Are you from the south?" Every one of them would look at me like I was nuts, and then tell me what neighborhood they were from in Brooklyn. It still makes me laugh to think of it.
 
Cardiac grey is not a pretty color on anyone, I got to look at it for 130 miles a few weeks ago: (weather was too bad to fly the patient).

He died 10 minutes after getting him to the hospital, so I did my job.
 
Combatdoc said:
Riding with a fairly senior EMT, I responded with an ALS intercept truck (all volunteer BLS Rigs) to a nursing home in rural New York. While I was receiving report from the RN at the scene, I hear my partner yell at the top of her lungs "Oh my God, she's "crowning"! Well, the RN looked at me and I at her and said "Isn't she in her nineties?" The RN nodded and we bothered ran into the room. Turns out the abdominal pain was due to here prolapse uterus... You can probably imagine the discussion about the "birds and the bees" that ensued encountered to the hospital. I was laughing so hard I cried!
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I hope a Burger King Paper Crown was left on her seat at the beginning of the next shift......
 
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