Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

pt. says " I pay your salary!" Group response: " We pay your insurance."
 
medic417 said:
EMT to patient I'm here to save you.
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EMT to paramedic " Mt title only has 3 letters, oh wait yours does too. They just added PARAME to make it politically correct."<_<
 
Paramedic (EMT-B instructor): We can't fix stupid.
EMT student: We can..it's just not legal.
 
cmetalbend said:
EMT to paramedic " Mt title only has 3 letters, oh wait yours does too. They just added PARAME to make it politically correct."<_<
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Hmmm... High strung *** is only three letters? Nah. Need to find someway to compress that down for you so you keep just three letters
 
Had a male pt. tell me his vulva was swollen in the back of his throat.

Had to leave the room on that one.
 
jtpaintball70 said:
Hmmm... High strung *** is only three letters? Nah. Need to find someway to compress that down for you so you keep just three letters
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Didn't I just give the answer to that?
 
"Miss, if your pain had a color... what would it be?"
 
cmetalbend said:
EMT to paramedic " Mt title only has 3 letters, oh wait yours does too. They just added PARAME to make it politically correct."<_<
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If you could only spell that might have had a slight chance of being funny. I sense some envy.
 
AOS to a retirement home with a 93 y/o F pt. with SOB and pain in the chest. on the way to the hospital paramedic starts to hook her up on a 12 lead. im a student ride along at the time. medic moves pt's breast out of the way and hooks up the 12 lead. after we put the pt's shirt back on she feels her breast and says
PT: "you made my nipples hard"
Medic: "uhhhhhhhhhh"
Myself: "uhhhhhhhh"

It turned out to be a very quiet and awkward ride to the hospital.
 
firefite said:
It turned out to be a very quiet and awkward ride to the hospital.
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Just say, "sorry about that", and continue on with your assessment like nothing happened. You have to come up with something to say so it doesn't get awkward.
 
firefite said:
AOS to a retirement home with a 93 y/o F pt. with SOB and pain in the chest. on the way to the hospital paramedic starts to hook her up on a 12 lead. im a student ride along at the time. medic moves pt's breast out of the way and hooks up the 12 lead. after we put the pt's shirt back on she feels her breast and says
PT: "you made my nipples hard"
Medic: "uhhhhhhhhhh"
Myself: "uhhhhhhhh"

It turned out to be a very quiet and awkward ride to the hospital.
Click to expand...

Just say "your welcome" and move on!;)
 
Not a one liner but funny

Kid at one of our calls looks at my ID my Id says Michael and under that in smaller letters my last name Cook
Kid says so your a cook? Obviously the kids trying to figure out why a cook is working on an ambulance.
I say yeah we were a little short handed at the station today. I'm a cook, Charlie over there (I point at the in charge medic) is normally the housekeeper and Matt the driver is the guy that mows the lawn.
The kid didnt get it but everyone else got a laugh out of it.
 
Out of the mouth of Mrs Brown comes much wisdom

"Lady this is not Burger King, you cannot have it your way" :D
 
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LOOK AT YOU!!!!! Just look at you looking at me!!!!!

said to me by a wino laying flat on his back, had just puked straight up in the air and had a puke shower back into his face with puke draining down his beard, as I tried to figure out the best way to start this exam.
 
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