Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

medichopeful

Flight nurse, ground paramedic
1,815
208
63
An agency? Really? Thats pretty cool.
Eh I misspoke, more of a club, but we work under the Department of Public Safety. Hopefully one day it will be an agency!
 

zmannms

Forum Ride Along
3
0
1
medic radio report to hospital

Medic-- xxxxx Hospital this is Rescue XX Paramedic XXXXXX
"we're inbound to your facility with a 68 y/o male with a c/o Chest Pain. pt is uncooperative and difficult to treat. how do you copy so far"

Hospital-- "I copy, go ahead"

Medic-- "Pts currently has 10/10 Chest pain when he takes a deep breath. No ST elevation noted on 12 lead and pts v/s are as follows (etc.etc.) Pt has been given PO ASAx4 and has 2 large bore IV's established. Pt is on 4 lpm Nasal cannula do you have any further orders xxxxxx hospital?"

Hospital-- "Rescue xx we copy your report, advised pt not to breathe and we'll see you on arrival"
 

ruprgnant

Forum Ride Along
4
0
0
cooperation

lol well if you advised the pt not to breath at least when he passed out he'd be more cooperative ^_^



Medic-- xxxxx Hospital this is Rescue XX Paramedic XXXXXX
"we're inbound to your facility with a 68 y/o male with a c/o Chest Pain. pt is uncooperative and difficult to treat. how do you copy so far"

Hospital-- "I copy, go ahead"

Medic-- "Pts currently has 10/10 Chest pain when he takes a deep breath. No ST elevation noted on 12 lead and pts v/s are as follows (etc.etc.) Pt has been given PO ASAx4 and has 2 large bore IV's established. Pt is on 4 lpm Nasal cannula do you have any further orders xxxxxx hospital?"

Hospital-- "Rescue xx we copy your report, advised pt not to breathe and we'll see you on arrival"
 

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
1,346
166
63
Had an ED Doc order, on the radio to give patient 5mg Morphine every 5 min til he stops breathing. when the pt looked at me funny, I told him it wouldn't hurt anymore, and I can help him breathe.
he told me to go for it:
 

S-ems

Forum Ride Along
3
1
0
that seems more reasonable then advising a pt. not to breathe ... heh

QUOTE=johnrsemt;281216]Had an ED Doc order, on the radio to give patient 5mg Morphine every 5 min til he stops breathing. when the pt looked at me funny, I told him it wouldn't hurt anymore, and I can help him breathe.
he told me to go for it:[/QUOTE]
 

HotelCo

Forum Deputy Chief
2,198
4
38
Transported a frequent flyer psych patient to the psych hospital the other day. Had the patient ask me "is this real?" Without hesitating I pulled the Morpheus line from the matrix. "what is real? How do you define real? ..." apparently he has never seen the movie, because it looked like I just blew his mind.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

HotelCo

Forum Deputy Chief
2,198
4
38
Had an ED Doc order, on the radio to give patient 5mg Morphine every 5 min til he stops breathing. when the pt looked at me funny, I told him it wouldn't hurt anymore, and I can help him breathe.
he told me to go for it:
What an awesome patient.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

S-ems

Forum Ride Along
3
1
0
wednesday/thursday

on one of my calls we had a pt. that was clearly drugged up on something ... we found him unconscious up against a car in parking lot. we went ahead and asked him simple questions like ... what day is today (the day was saturday night/sunday morning) he responded wednesday.... we then asked him where he was ..... he also responded wednesday ...... so we reworded the question ... asked him where geographically he was ... he then went oh (as if he then understood what we meant) and said thursday ..... so needless to say this patient was then forever known as wednesday,thursday ... i must say it was a much funnier event if you were there.
 

bigbaldguy

Former medic seven years 911 service in houston
4,043
41
48
on one of my calls we had a pt. that was clearly drugged up on something ... we found him unconscious up against a car in parking lot. we went ahead and asked him simple questions like ... what day is today (the day was saturday night/sunday morning) he responded wednesday.... we then asked him where he was ..... he also responded wednesday ...... so we reworded the question ... asked him where geographically he was ... he then went oh (as if he then understood what we meant) and said thursday ..... so needless to say this patient was then forever known as wednesday,thursday ... i must say it was a much funnier event if you were there.
That sounds pretty funny to me I can just picture the guy standing there mulling the question over carefully and then saying Thursday.
 

kbrodie694

Forum Probie
11
0
0
Heard a flight medic tell my two medics they should have cardioverted the pt before trying drugs on them as he reached over and pushed the "shock" button without pushing the "sync" button and told the pt . "This is gonna suck!"
Would have sucked less with the monitor synced to with the pt.
 

ZootownMedic

Forum Lieutenant
162
8
18
Knew a Medic that is no longer with my FD that had a Pt on shrooms that thought he had spiders all over him and was freaking out. They transported him and the whole way the Medic helped him pick the spiders off put them in a 'box'. Well apparently the nurses at this particular hospital made this medic mad because as soon as they pulled up he dumped the whole 'box' of spiders on the guys head before rolling him in. Another reason to be friendly to the road crews!
 

keithptf46

Forum Ride Along
4
0
0
CO alarm no one inside. we were getting packed up to go in, sheriff comes hammering into driveway code 3.

ME" weres the fire"

Cop" what do you need me to do"

MY Partner" get back in you car and get doughnuts"

Me had to walk away so not to laugh in face.

Morral of the story slow down and think about what you are doing
 

keithptf46

Forum Ride Along
4
0
0
me my partner and 2 other firefighters standing at front door,
firefighter looks at my partner and say " its on fire"
My partner " who the f### are you waiting for the firedepartment" as he shoulders the door
Me " Call the big number on the side of all the trucks outside they know what to do" as we breach the front door.
look on new guys face priceless
 

keithptf46

Forum Ride Along
4
0
0
my partner and i took a man to hospice, he was declineing fast, we put him on a nonrebreather at 15lpm, transported him, when we got there moved him to the bed and the medic gave an up date to the nurse.
" pt started to decline put him on nonrebreather" gave her the stats and then say just as we are leaving
Medic "I dont think hes going to make it much longer"
nurse "why"
Medic "hes not getting enough O2" really calm and slow
nurse" really"
medic "yea your aid put him on a concentraitor at 4 lpm hes sufficating"
nurse turns around and says "omg what are you doing"
aid " hes a real mouth breather a canula will do him no good"
Medic " det da det det dats all folks" as we leave
 

EMSrush

Forum Captain
349
0
0
Knew a Medic that is no longer with my FD that had a Pt on shrooms that thought he had spiders all over him and was freaking out. They transported him and the whole way the Medic helped him pick the spiders off put them in a 'box'. Well apparently the nurses at this particular hospital made this medic mad because as soon as they pulled up he dumped the whole 'box' of spiders on the guys head before rolling him in. Another reason to be friendly to the road crews!
That's terrible. :D
I had a similar patient, but with snakes instead of spiders. They stayed in the box that we put them in without a problem, which I thought was great... lol
 

EMSrush

Forum Captain
349
0
0
This is in an ED setting with a hyperalcoholic patient if you know what i mean.

Pt: " HELP HELP "
Me: "What seems to be the problem" (I now slip on the wet floor to my butt)
Pt: "*Laughing*"
Me: "Is this URINE?????? X&$#$#"
Pt: "No i think i threw up"
Me: "Okay let me go get something to clean this up and remind you again what that pan you're HOLDING IN YOUR HANDS IS FOR"

I start to walk out of the room....

Pt: "I (EFFING) LIED, IT IS PISS, BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA"
Me to the Nurse: "is that banana bag almost empty?"
OMG, I'm hysterical.... LOL... I can SO envision this happening... :D
 

Zodiac

Forum Crew Member
63
0
0
Knew a Medic that is no longer with my FD that had a Pt on shrooms that thought he had spiders all over him and was freaking out. They transported him and the whole way the Medic helped him pick the spiders off put them in a 'box'. Well apparently the nurses at this particular hospital made this medic mad because as soon as they pulled up he dumped the whole 'box' of spiders on the guys head before rolling him in. Another reason to be friendly to the road crews!
And another reason why some people shouldn't be working in the medical field.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

AtlantaEMT

Forum Crew Member
89
0
0
My first day in the field during EMT school. Patient knocks on our door at about 10am (how she found the station, I have no clue) and her tongue is swollen to hell in her mouth. We get into the truck and I went to start an IV (my very first). I put the tourniquet on and the patient says to me "It's not tight enough". I look down at her arms and I see tracks. I almost blurted out "you want to do it?".
 

orange20medic

Forum Crew Member
35
0
0
We had a pt in a nursing home who was in obvious respiratory distress. She was sitting in her room on 1 L o2 with no nurses around. Finally a nurse comes in and we load the pt and put her on 4 L and low and behold her sats went up to 100%. The nurse told us that we were called because the transfer service was taking too long to come get her. When the medic questioned her decision, she then began to say pt had altered mental status (which she didn't have an AMS)... Anyway, we loaded the pt and put her in the ambulance. She asks us "Are you sure I need to go to the ER"? My preceptor (I'm an intermediate student) replies to the pt "We'll take you to the ER so that you can get some real nurses to talk to." Pt didn't even seem to notice what he said but we all were cracking up!
 

Top