Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

[EMTRabbit]

Not something said to a patient but i think it's pretty good. its about cpr and transport

"Do it early, do it right, do it fast, then hold on for the ride."

 

[Polemic]

Am I the only one who gets called out on the carpet for admitting funny stuff? But only by other EMS personnel, not the civilian population??

 

[1badassEMT-I]

Giving a reprt to a doctor on a fall patient...

"..Pt was walking down the street and "DFO'd".........

DFO-Done Fell out- Doctor understood me too!!!!! lol

Now thats FUNNY I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE!

 

[1badassEMT-I]

I've read these boards for many years, just lurking, never posting.

I've had a bit of a nasty day, so I've decided to finally come out of hiding. I am sick of the constant negative attitude toward EMT-B's from medics. There is a standard assumption that by not going to paramedic school, EMT's are inferior not just in medical knowledge, but also apparently in motivation and intelligence.

I have not gone to Paramedic school--not because I don't have the mental capacity, but because between my 5 years of military service, bachelors degree in engineering, masters degree in engineering, and extensive self-study of anatomy, physiology, and histology, I haven't had the time to swing through an associates-level course in paramedicine.

So many of you proclaim the necessity of education, yet are stuck at an education level comparable to the 19 year olds I teach every single day. I am proud of what I do as a volunteer EMT when I can escape from the military for a few hours, and I am continuously awed by the competency and compassion of the volunteers I work with--Emergency Medical Technicians whose competency stems not from time spent with a half-informed book on paramedicine, but from time running shift after thankless shift.

I care little what your responses will be. I only wish to say, once-and-for-all, that the elitist, hifalutin attitudes by (some, not all) paramedics on this board are destructive, uncalled for, and laughable.


-Sickofit.

I call BS.......get over yourself! Relax SOLDIER!!!!

 

[MrBrown]

I had a real pita patient who was giving me hell tell me he was allergic to general anesthetics. Apparently they put him to sleep..
He was transported by the boys in blue.

That's more teal than blue isin't it?

 

[1badassEMT-I]

That's more teal than blue isin't it?

Is that you Brown!

 

[Stew]

That's one of our medics (Queensland, Australia).

Brown, our guy got taken by the boys in REAL blue

 

[MrBrown]

That's one of our medics (Queensland, Australia).

Brown, our guy got taken by the boys in REAL blue

That's why I posted it duh, I was taking the piss

 

[MrBrown]

Is that you Brown!

Nah, I dno about a teal jumpsuit ... land based ICPs who do HEMS duty have green ones (the rapid response ICPs can also wear them) however normal road staff wear black cargo pants and a white shirt.

Regular HEMS Paramedics have red jumpsuits.

 

[Sasha]

Tuesday we went to pick up a patient to take her to the ER for abnormal labs.

"Hi, my name is Sasha and we're going to take you to the hospital. Can I ask you a couple silly questions?"
Patient: "Go ahead."
"Do you know where you are right now?"
Patient: "Don't you know?"
"Of course! I just need to make sure you know, we get some pretty crazy answers sometimes!"
Patient: "Yes, I know where I am."
"Where are we?"
Patient: "Alaska"
"Wow, it's pretty hot for Alaska!"
Patient: "Global warming."

That lady was so pulling my leg, and was so cute.

 

[Shishkabob]

Brought in one of my ODs on Saturday...

They were stripping him in the ER room trying to restrain him to get ready for a foley. There's 5 of us guys in there, no females, and the patient.


They yank down his pants and he exclaims "Oh, I have the biggest penis!"

One of the nurses looks over-- "No you don't"



No one could stop laughing enough to do the foley.

 

[MIkePrekopa]

Was doing a psyche transfer from a hospital to a facility about 2.5 hrs away. the pt I brought was VERY VERY paranoid. asking the last time an ambulance caught fire, did we have fire extinguishers, how do they treat burns, etc. After answering a bunch of his questions, I excused myself from the bench to the captain's chair where he didn't talk to me nearly as much.

When we first got into the ambulance, I asked him if her prefered to sit or lay down, he said sit, so I brought the head of the stretcher up. he found the lever used to adjust it, and placed it in the perfect position. I didn't care because he was behaving.

So back to where I was, about half way through the trip, after about 30 mins of his listening to his cd player, he grabs the lever , slams the head of the stretcher down, looks at me with his eyes bugged out, and says

"I'm not suicidal"

"That's good" I replied

"I'm not homicidal either"

"That's even better" (I said it before I even thought it might not be the best thing to say.)



Most of the time that same guy was listening to his CD player, a few times he offered it to me and I would listen for a moment, then say it was good. It was rap, of which i AM a fan. well once he took his headphones off to take a nap, and could hear the music the driver had turned on. (oldies from the 60s/70s. Some of which i liked and most I didn't)

well he listens for a moment, turns to me and says

"She has no taste in music. I mean ABsoLUTELY POS-o-freaking-tivly no taste"

I burst out laughing.

 

[somePerson]

Had a pt. try to kill himself taking a few pills and washing them down with vodka. My partner told him something cheesy and stupid like "attempting suicide is a temporary solution to permanent problem", the patient just started laughing and said "I was going for a permanent solution for a temporary problem, I just :censored::censored::censored::censored:ed up and didn't do it right"

 

[nomofica]

Had a dude earlier this week cut up his own arm with a razor blade (distal posterior). This was at my security job, so my EMS train of thought really wasn't taking a priority (therefore do not lecture me about scene safety - this IS my job). Entered this guy's apartment with garbage, 2-week-old food and a shopping cart - this is his front hallway. notice the blood dripping and the several, several lacerations on his arm. he looks at me and says

"don't worry, you can call me psycho"


ya, sure thing bud.

 

[Gr33n_ey.d_goddess]

Said to me and my fellow classmate while doing clinicals for EMT-B school while bagging and tagging a dead guy…
“There’s 3 tags, one for the toe, one for the thumb and one for his penis!!”
Yea, ummm the whole city knew about that one!! Great experience

 

[adamjh3]

My partner: "So what's going on with Mr. Patient today?"
CNA: "He's had four 'involuntary' bowel movements since 0730, all were bloody and diarrheal."
Partner "Oh, he blew an O-ring"

_________________________________

(Sad story) We had a fifteen year old female who attempted suicide by tying a rope around her neck and the other end to the wooden banister of the staircase inside of her house and jumped. She weighs 390 pounds. The banister broke.

My partner (Old guy, about 20 years on the job, southern drawal, chews tobacco, whole nine yards): "Did you ever take a physics or engineering class, girl?"
Patient: "No, why?"
Partner: "Well, :censored::censored::censored::censored:."

I know suicide is not a funny issue, but the way he said it the look on his face... I laughed and feel bad about it.

 

[ke5kce]

Chief to dispatch: "Show all units clear from medical emergency. Deputy transporting one."

Had to be there maybe.

 

[traumaqueen5]

One day responding in a neighboring town (we cover half of our county up to the canadian border) for trying to commit suicide via pills. Pt was alert but AOB one of the city officers were on scene as well.we loaded our pt (who had problems walking down three steps on the front porch mind you) on to our stretcher the officer preceeded to tell her that we were going to put her into a padded room.... Let's say I've never seen a pt "fly" off of a stretcher in my life! We finally got her calmed down enough to lay back down. So I went to the back of the ambulance to open the doors and the officer looks at me and says "oops" ya I guess u gotta love law enforcement...... To this day he still is "officer smith" since he won't tell me how to pronounce his last name...

 

[spike91]

Had a girl with a knee dislocation the other day. Our medic had to push 2 rounds of 5mg morphine for pain management, didn't even take the edge off, you could tell she wasn't faking, either.

COuldn't help but shake my head, asked her "You don't do any drugs, do you?" She just looked at me and said "Uh..no?" And I told her "Good, you would NOT get your money's worth. THat'd be one expensive :censored::censored::censored::censored:ing habit for you"

 

[jjesusfreak01]

Had a girl with a knee dislocation the other day. Our medic had to push 2 rounds of 5mg morphine for pain management, didn't even take the edge off, you could tell she wasn't faking, either.

COuldn't help but shake my head, asked her "You don't do any drugs, do you?" She just looked at me and said "Uh..no?" And I told her "Good, you would NOT get your money's worth. THat'd be one expensive :censored::censored::censored::censored:ing habit for you"

Was she a redhead? I hear that we redheads have problems with pain meds being ineffective. If she was a redhead, please attach a picture.