What is your most ridiculous call?

we got a call to an office department, a janitor got a garden hose stuck up his rectum ON!!!
 
Rh_emt-p said:
we got a call to an office department, a janitor got a garden hose stuck up his rectum ON!!!
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Shouldnt laugh, but I did, I just thought of the janitor off scrubs and thought that may dr dorian may have got to him, but, I think I speak for the morbidly curious when I ask what the explanation was...
 
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We had a guy who got a 9" cucumber turned sideways in his rectum, Claims he came home from grocery shopping, put it on the couch, Stripped down cause he was hot sat down on the couch and Voila.

Believe that right!!
 
...rectum?! damn near killed em!!

sorry, couldn't resist...best punchline ever! I don't even know if there's a joke that goes with it...

Kevin
 
11PM lift assist for a 615lb patient who being transported home after leaving the hospital. Who of COURSE lived in raised house so we had to carry her up four steps. Our two crews just couldnt safely carry her and there was no other available unit, so we called the local FD and they sent out two of their strongest guys and we six pointed her. Stretcher didnt wanna fit through the hallway, lady claimed she could walk with assistance, so two ff were gonna stand her, keep hold of her and walk her into the room? Yeah, she couldnt stand and ended up falling on one of the guys...

Incident reports and back pain all around!
 
Old Lady: "I haven't had a bowel movement in three days, and whenever I try, it feels like somebody's holding a lighter up to my rectum."

My Medic: "Ok, we'll go get our stretcher and be right back."

*out of earshot of the patient*

Medic: "This has BLS written all over it."

Me: "Oh, Ron, WHY?!?!?!?!?"
 
On the bad side, I ignored that little voice in my head that was saying "SHUT UP", and I asked the nurse if she ate an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast.
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LOL I really have to work that into a conversation sometime this week.
 
we brought a lady to the ER at 0115 on a Monday morning because she was constipated. A little cranky for a early morning call for something like this, we get there. she is constipated (elderly woman - 89) because she sat down on her shower chair on the soap and it went up her rear. REALLY!?
 
JerseyEMT87 said:
we brought a lady to the ER at 0115 on a Monday morning because she was constipated. A little cranky for a early morning call for something like this, we get there. she is constipated (elderly woman - 89) because she sat down on her shower chair on the soap and it went up her rear. REALLY!?
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Hot damn... a valid "I sat on it!" story?
 
Buzz said:
Hot damn... a valid "I sat on it!" story?
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yes it was lol. She told us and we were like really lady? and she was living with her sister who heard her scream lol. When we got to the hospital and I told them it was so hard to keep a straight face:lol:
 
Last night we got a call for a student who was restless and had a racing heartbeat.

Got there, took her pulse, it was 104, and she seemed way too awake for 0230. While questioning her, our attendant can't seem to find the problem. I look around the room, spot a tea box. I ask my attendant for a couple questions.

Me: Did you have anything to eat or drink before going to bed?

Her: Oh yes, I've been drinking tea recently, It seems to relax me.

Me: What kind of tea?

Her: English Breakfast and Green Tea recently.

Me: How long have you been drinking tea before going to bed?

Her: About a week now.

Me: How long have you been having trouble going to sleep?

Her: A few day or so. What does my tea have to do with this?

Me: Tea has caffeine, which elevates your heart rate and makes you restless. I'd recommend herbal tea before you go to bed from now on...

Just what we wanted, to drive through a lake effect snowstorm to tell a patient to stop drinking tea at night...
 
wxduff said:
Last night we got a call for a student who was restless and had a racing heartbeat.

Got there, took her pulse, it was 104, and she seemed way too awake for 0230. While questioning her, our attendant can't seem to find the problem. I look around the room, spot a tea box. I ask my attendant for a couple questions.

Me: Did you have anything to eat or drink before going to bed?

Her: Oh yes, I've been drinking tea recently, It seems to relax me.

Me: What kind of tea?

Her: English Breakfast and Green Tea recently.

Me: How long have you been drinking tea before going to bed?

Her: About a week now.

Me: How long have you been having trouble going to sleep?

Her: A few day or so. What does my tea have to do with this?

Me: Tea has caffeine, which elevates your heart rate and makes you restless. I'd recommend herbal tea before you go to bed from now on...

Just what we wanted, to drive through a lake effect snowstorm to tell a patient to stop drinking tea at night...
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Goodness. I wonder how much she drank that night. Had to be more than one cup.
 
Her roommate said she saw her drink 3 nice tall glasses. Like 24+ ounce cups, and that she had only been there since later on, and the patient said she had more before, although maybe only a cup or two.

Afterwords when on medications we also found out she had been kind-of taking her thyroid meds here and there. You know, whenever she felt like it. She did calm down as we after we got her in the rig and off to the hospital, her pulse dropped to almost 80 or so. We transported just because we were still concerned about the original number. ;)

Got another call today for a head injury at 0600. For the second night in a row our driver had to go through un-plowed roads. The tea call was through 2 inches of sleet, and this morning was through 8 inches of snow... :blink:
 
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I already grossed ffemt out with this one, so I thought I would share!

Yesterday I had a patient, because my partner so kindly downgraded her to BLS.

She was very fat. Very very fat. Asking her weight went a little something like this:
"How much do you weigh?"
"200lbs"
"*laughcoughchoke* Sorry.. swallowed my gum"

BUT that's not the ridiculous part. THAT part is because: her cheif complaint was a burn to her vulva.

This was an OLD burn to her vulva. It had happened last week, she had popped the blister, and now it was oozing bright yellow pus. And yes, she insisted that I examine this first hand.

If anyone needs the mind bleach after reading that, I think ffemt has some spare.
 
When I was doing orientation for my current service, got called to a house party for a woman in her late 40s who is "unresponsive". We get there, and are instantly surrounded by a family of Newfoundlanders ( my Canadian Comrades know what I'm talking about). Anyway, her chief complaint is that she is going in and out of conciousness. Apparently after injesting a generous amount of rye and Cokes (go figger). She is Alert and cognitive on scene until she suddenly has another syncopal episode. The paramedic I'm with was about to sign her off but decides to explain to everyone present that due to being unconcious he has to take her to the hospital.

We transport her and are met at the Emerg by her husband. While paperwork is being done, it's just me and 2 drunk Newfies in the main trauma room. Suddenly, the wife goes syncopal again. The husband places the back edge of his hand against her TRACHEA and says he can't feel a pulse. I assure him there is nothing to worry about because I can see her Carotid pulsating with each heartbeat from almost 6 feet away. He says he doesn't understand why she keeps passing out and I fight back the urge to explain to him some of the more obvious side effects of alcohol intoxication.
 
Lol.. but it was only a few rye & cokes eh? Surely that wouldn't make a newfie pass out eh? Must be sumthin' wrong wither!
 
Just today

Not nearly the most ridiculous, but amusing. We had freezing rain with glaze ice; all the cars were coated with the stuff. Have to break it off to get in to the vehicle.

Anyway, two soon-to-be patients decide not to wear their seatbelts and...pass a car at >60 MPH in a 40 zone...by a State Trooper...and a fire hall.

Boom, crash, bang!

I asked the driver why she did it...she said she didn't think there would be ice on the road. Never mind that her car and everything else was covered...and that no one else was going over 40.

Plus, she'd just turned 18, too...and she ran the other guy off the road...bet there's gonna be heck to pay for that...:P
 
BossyCow said:
Lol.. but it was only a few rye & cokes eh? Surely that wouldn't make a newfie pass out eh? Must be sumthin' wrong wither!
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Apperently, she's not much of a drinker according to her family. And I'm sure they were more than picking up her slack.
 
today i got a call responding to a pt stuck under her bed, so we arrive on scene to an elderly dementia pt jammed up under her bed, i have no idea how she got there we were all baffeled as to how she managed to get all the way under the bed, given she couldnt crawl around, the family said she could have easily been there for nearly a day
 
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