Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

mcdonl

Forum Captain
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There is a standard assumption that by not going to paramedic school, EMT's are inferior not just in medical knowledge, but also apparently in motivation and intelligence.
-Sickofit.
This is a strange field. I have never been involved with an industry before that has a paid sector, and a volunteer sector. Where I live (Southern Maine) there seems to be a good melding of both sectors. Most medic's work full time for one of the nearby cities (Portland, South Portland, Westbrook, Scarborough, etc....) but also serve in a volunteer/perdiem role in the smaller communities where they live to round out their income.

Sickofit, you also need to remember that people will be strong willed, and arrogent online but you may never experience that in real life. Around here, an A-Hole is an A-hole... doesnt matter if your an Rn, EMT-B, EMT-I or EMT-P. It is only in the on-line world where people seem to think they are better then others. I admire and learn from our medic's every day and aspire to be one too... as a volly of course :)
 

MRE

Forum Captain
312
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I've read these boards for many years, just lurking, never posting.

I've had a bit of a nasty day, so I've decided to finally come out of hiding. I am sick of the constant negative attitude toward EMT-B's from medics. There is a standard assumption that by not going to paramedic school, EMT's are inferior not just in medical knowledge, but also apparently in motivation and intelligence.

I have not gone to Paramedic school--not because I don't have the mental capacity, but because between my 5 years of military service, bachelors degree in engineering, masters degree in engineering, and extensive self-study of anatomy, physiology, and histology, I haven't had the time to swing through an associates-level course in paramedicine.

So many of you proclaim the necessity of education, yet are stuck at an education level comparable to the 19 year olds I teach every single day. I am proud of what I do as a volunteer EMT when I can escape from the military for a few hours, and I am continuously awed by the competency and compassion of the volunteers I work with--Emergency Medical Technicians whose competency stems not from time spent with a half-informed book on paramedicine, but from time running shift after thankless shift.

I care little what your responses will be. I only wish to say, once-and-for-all, that the elitist, hifalutin attitudes by (some, not all) paramedics on this board are destructive, uncalled for, and laughable.


-Sickofit.
I think you read into the post that you quoted completely wrong.

By your response I have to assume that you believe that medic417 was implying that EMTs can't save people and only paramedics can.

I think most people would agree with me that medic417's jest was that a health care provider had told a patient "I am here to save you" instead of the more typical "how are you feeling today", "I'm here to help", "where does it hurt" or the classic "Yes we can bring you to the hospital for your paper cut if you really think you need an ambulance"

I understand you have had a bad day, but lashing out over something like this isn't going to help you with your anger issues.
 
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spike91

Forum Lieutenant
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I'm sure you guys all remember the SAMPLE acronym.

Well earlier this week one of the guys I was riding with was a little stressed on the call, and while he was talking to the patient he actually asked "When was your last oral intake?"

You guys should've seen the look on this girl's face...oh man.
 
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usafmedic45

Forum Deputy Chief
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I'm sure you guys all remember the SAMPLE acronym.

Well earlier this week one of the guys I was riding with was a little stressed on the call, and while he was talking to the patient he actually asked "When was your last oral intake?"

You guys should've seen the look on this girl's face...oh man.
LOL That's awesome. Back when I used to date a coworker of mine, jokes of that sort were all too frequent.
 

spike91

Forum Lieutenant
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Favorite one to date, I was riding with my Captain, he's a very squirrely and friendly guy, always ends up as the butt of some joke.

Just our luck, we get two testicular pain calls in the span of 2 hours. First one we get, I let him take over the patient assessment. It came in from campus health services, and they have a bad rep for being generally stupid. So he chose to do his own assessment.

Kid pulls down his pants, gets checked out. My Captain asks, "So, 1 to 10..." and the kid cuts him off and says "normally about 6 and a half, but what does that have to do with it?"

I've never seen someone so red before in my life. Kid finally got it after I had to sit down from laughing so hard.
 

medic417

The Truth Provider
5,104
3
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I've read these boards for many years, just lurking, never posting.

I've had a bit of a nasty day, so I've decided to finally come out of hiding. I am sick of the constant negative attitude toward EMT-B's from medics. There is a standard assumption that by not going to paramedic school, EMT's are inferior not just in medical knowledge, but also apparently in motivation and intelligence.

I have not gone to Paramedic school--not because I don't have the mental capacity, but because between my 5 years of military service, bachelors degree in engineering, masters degree in engineering, and extensive self-study of anatomy, physiology, and histology, I haven't had the time to swing through an associates-level course in paramedicine.

So many of you proclaim the necessity of education, yet are stuck at an education level comparable to the 19 year olds I teach every single day. I am proud of what I do as a volunteer EMT when I can escape from the military for a few hours, and I am continuously awed by the competency and compassion of the volunteers I work with--Emergency Medical Technicians whose competency stems not from time spent with a half-informed book on paramedicine, but from time running shift after thankless shift.

I care little what your responses will be. I only wish to say, once-and-for-all, that the elitist, hifalutin attitudes by (some, not all) paramedics on this board are destructive, uncalled for, and laughable.


-Sickofit.
Well that is a waste of a first post. Did I say anything negative this time? No I did not.

As you are not educated in medicine based on your own resume you listed you do not know what you do not know so you have no educated basis to stake your observations on.

Glad you are able to get a good laugh.
 

emdub

Forum Probie
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Hahaha, this was a situation where I had to keep turning my head to keep from laughing every time I let a ball joke slip. It was the first call where my partner and senior medic got on the radio and had absolutely nothing to say; just handed it to me. How do you explain that to MD? It came out something like "You're just going to have to see it..."

My partner turned to me and said "girl, I've been here for twelve years and I keep telling myself I've seen everything, but this s*** is nuts." (slammed head against gourney). There must have been 5 or 6 balls or nuts jokes en route to the hospital--needless to say after we dropped him off we still felt like a bite to eat; best post-call milkshake and conversation of my career.
 

emdub

Forum Probie
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This is in response to Spike91 I just screwed up the reply and don't know how to delete my post and try again....but Spike----

Hahahaa that's a good one. Freaking kids. Reminds me of when I was in training and we were talking about burn victims...one of the cockier students asked what percentage the male genetalia was when it came to the rule of 9s if "it was like, really really big". My instructor, who was a young and funny medic, laughed and said "dude, I don't care if you've got a third leg down there, it's still gonna be 1%". I can't imagine his disappointment...ha.

Hilarious posts, guys are so obsessed with their junk.
 
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EMS11

Forum Ride Along
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Ok, this one was on my brother (also an EMT-B, but this was b4 he joined)

We were in a HUGE MVC, the state trooper gets on scene, and in the course of evaluating us, asks my brother, "Who's in the White House right now?"
My Brother (DEADPAN): "An ***hole."
the poor statie, NEVER reached for his radio so fast
 

EMS11

Forum Ride Along
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One more just came to mind... I was on my way back from a show in PA when i came across a Fatal MVC with a motorcycle into a tree... When the troopers arrived they asked why i wasn't doing cpr.

"Well... I did a pulse check and realized that this is a crime scene, and did not want to contaminate it."

Cop: "How do you know he was DoA?" (with a real smug attitude)

Me: "Well 'DOC'... His helmet is across 4 lanes of traffic with a good amount of brain matter in it, that *points up 30ft to a high tree branch* That look like his ID. Oh and his head, is 180degrees from where it should be. Not to mention he smurf'd already. Also, half his bike is on fire on the median. Any more evidence needed Sherlock, or can ya solve this one?"

Cop: *to his radio* "Slow everything down, confirmed signal 5 (fatal)."

his HQ: "How do you know that?"

Cop: "I'll let the EMT on scene tell you......"

(worst part for the crotchrocket rider was all i had in the car to cover his body, was my friend's daughter's pink tinkerbell blanket....)
 

trackcheetah

Forum Ride Along
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funny lot we are, with the gallows humour

I had a gentleman come past my house the other day while I was washing my car. The usual joke passed - 'you can do mine when you are done' and in the spirit of the joke came my reply 'sure, it will cost you an arm and a leg'.

The gentleman got very angry and sped off on his scooter.

I saw him 2 days later, on the side that was facing away from me. He was an amputee from the knee down. I felt horrible.

hahahahaha awesome:rolleyes:
 

Miss EMT

Forum Crew Member
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I was on this call for a pt having a severe allergic reaction to a bee sting. Arrive on scene pt is sitting in a chair pointing to were the bee stung them.

pt: look I have hives (mind you its just a little red from where the bee stung them.)
medic: are you having any trouble breathing?
pt: no
medic: how long ago did this happen?
pt: about 20 mins. ago.
pt: oh by the way im allergic to that stuff they give for allergic reactions.
medic: do you mean epinephrine?
pt: ya that stuff. im allergic to it.
medic: (speachless)

we arrive at the hospital and the nurse is taking information from us. our medic speaks up and says "oh by the way she is allergic to epi." the nurse looks around all confused and says epi?? our medic replies yep she's allergic to epi. I had to walk out of the room.
 

abuan

Forum Crew Member
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worked up a lady who was altered in HHNK, for whatever reason she started coming out of it and became combative as we got closer to the hospital.

every couple seconds i heard my partner saying "just relax...lay back...almost at the hospital...just lay back...relax...."

after a couple of minutes he goes "you know, you were much nicer when you were unresponsive."
 

Stew

Forum Crew Member
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we arrive at the hospital and the nurse is taking information from us. our medic speaks up and says "oh by the way she is allergic to epi." the nurse looks around all confused and says epi?? our medic replies yep she's allergic to epi. I had to walk out of the room.
I had a real pita patient who was giving me hell tell me he was allergic to general anesthetics. Apparently they put him to sleep..
He was transported by the boys in blue.
 

usafmedic45

Forum Deputy Chief
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we arrive at the hospital and the nurse is taking information from us. our medic speaks up and says "oh by the way she is allergic to epi." the nurse looks around all confused and says epi?? our medic replies yep she's allergic to epi. I had to walk out of the room.
Actually most likely they are allergic to the preservative in most epi. It is like a significant number of person who have allergic reactions to the "-caine" anesthetics are actually allergic to a preservative frequently used in them. I don't recall the name of it, but was told this by a toxicologist/pharmacologist friend.
 

Seaglass

Lesser Ambulance Ape
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Actually most likely they are allergic to the preservative in most epi. It is like a significant number of person who have allergic reactions to the "-caine" anesthetics are actually allergic to a preservative frequently used in them. I don't recall the name of it, but was told this by a toxicologist/pharmacologist friend.
+1. A lot of allergies that seem pretty wild are actually allergies to a preservative or inactive ingredient in a drug.
 

adamjh3

Forum Culinary Powerhouse
1,873
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Not to a patient, but myself and a couple buddies were running through a child birth scenario.

When the time comes my buddy states, "I'm now going to place the first clamp on the cord 6 inches away from the baby" and clamps about two inches away.

Without missing a beat I shoot back, "Oh, is that what you tell the ladies?"
 

DillR

Forum Crew Member
52
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Not really EMS related but,

I was sitting in the squad room of the PD (my dad is a cop) when they dragged 3 or 4 mexicans in. When they started questioning them for booking they all responded "no habla ingles" shrugging their shoulders. When my dads buddy walked up and said "see the one with the brown shoes?" (they all look down) "those are the ones who speak english.
LOL
 

Lt.Col.Warren

Forum Probie
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To an elderly dirver involed in a hit and run accident.

Medic: You have a large bump on you head, we should take you to the
hospital.
Pt.: No, I think I will be fine.
Police Officer: You have a large hematoma on your head, it be wise to let
these guys take you.
Pt.: No trust me I'll be fine, I don't need no hospital.
Police Officer: In that case I have to take you to jail for leaving the secen of
an accident.
Pt.: I think I might need to go to the hospital.
 

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