Dumbest thing heard on the radio

i got a routine house call last year and got some interesting directions from my dispatcher, " Take Gratiot down, go until you see that one church, its been there about 30 years or so.... and make a left... go until you see the blue van thats always parked there... and uh... it's right around there..."

the same dispatcher also has a tendency to yell over the radio, making it impossible to hear him... he was yelling at my partner, my partner being frustrated handed me the radio... i told said dispatcher to repeat what he just said, he kinda mumbles it, i ask him to repeat again, he responds by yelling what he just said.... all i make out is "hospital"... tell him that i can't understand when he yells... he yells louder... i inform him that he was still yelling at me... he finally calms down and mumbles "mrmmrmrmrmm nurse mmrmrmrrmrmrmr telemetry mrmrmrmmrmmrmrmrm st.johns....." the pt we had just taken to a nursing home still had the telemetry on... we had to go get it from her....

...please save me.....
 
Dispatch: Operations ambulance 33
Us: A33 go ahead ops
Dispatch: A33 head to (facility)
Us: go ahead for the info
Dispatch: 33 for o/a (facility) for (last name) on (unit) going to (er) for the sob pt is stable flow of traffic please, time now (time) ambulance 33
Us: a33 has the Stable Emergency? (facility) to (er) for the SOB? uhhh ops any other info?
Dispatch: ummm no we didnt get anything else
Us: rcvd....uhhh wow

actual call....a wonderful example of our dispatchers not obtaining ANY information then calling it stable and requesting flow of traffic....and we get there to find an unstable pt almost every time


one from the other day

we arrived @ a facility for a routine dr. appt Transfer to find out pt having increased sob, report from the rn shows pt going out to appt for increased sob decreased activity/energy hx of chf, pneumonia, so on and so forth the following radio traffic ensued

my partner to dispatch: ambulance 33 operations
dispatch: go ahead
My partner: be advised we are diverting to (er) for SOB
dispatch: rcvd 33 (time)

Dispatch: operations Ambulance 33
My Partner: a33
Dispatch: do you have your O2 on?
My Partner:.......uhhh yea......
Dispatch: rcvd

i was @ this point requesting a patch

Me: cmed cmed (company) 33
CMED: (company)33
Me: Cmed priority 2 bls patch to (ER)
CMED: recieved med 2 med 2
Me: standing by on Med 2 for (ER)
CMED: TONES
Hospital: (ER) online go ahead
on company radio
Dispatch: operations ambulance 33
My Partner: go ahead
Dispatch: facility is requesting you divert to (ER 2)

Me to CMED: umm CMED Just kidding i need (ER 2)
CMED: so you dont want to talk to (ER)??
Me: ummm no...sorry ER nothing against you
CMED: (laughing) Standby for tones
 
I was chillin' in ED the other night when dispatch tones the ambulance.

(tone)
Attention _____ ambulance, you're needed on the north side of the tracks on hwy __ S. Man is in his car puking. He needs a ride to the hospital. LE on scene.

Stupid thing: This 'patcher always pages the amb and ALWAYS says "___ needs to go to the hospital." Don't peeps usually gotta go to the hospital when they call the amb?

Funny thing: This guy who called had a friend in the car with him. It was 3 blocks.
 
My partner and I were on our way back from dropping a pt at the local ER and were still 10 min outside of our territory when this is what we hear....

Dispatch: Stand by for EMS tone

*tone*

Dispatch: Attention First Responders please respond to (address) 30 yr old man with back pain s/p MVA a week ago

Radio Silence.....(all of our first responders call in and tell dispatch they will be available, this day nobody did)

Us: Medic 1 show us responding

Dispatch: Ok, then I dont need to contact mutual aid?

At this point we realize dispatch took the call and decided to just put it out to the world without knowing if anybody was ABLE to respond. Policy is if truck is not in service contact MA FIRST, then try for first responders. Good thing this guy was just being whiney and not really in need of attention.
 
all i get is what comes across my pager...
just the other day a nieghboring station was paged out

Dispatch: ___ EMS your need at your hall for a possible domestic violence....
 
I remembered another one that happened a few months ago.

Dispatch: ____Unit 2, respond to XXXHwy 21 south for a MVC, vehicle vs deer.
Unit 2: Received, en route.
Dispatch: Unit 2, Vehicle vs deer with injuries
Unit 2: Are we going for humans or the deer?
Dispatch:........Um.....Humans.
Unit2: (Laughing) Yeah, I guess that would make sense. I was thinking about the poor deer.

I had to call my buddy to make sure that was actually what I herd. I was off duty for the FD but was scanning on my radio when I herd it.
 
so there is a hospital based ambulance here and the hall is about 30 yards from the er doors.... they just got paged out and it went like this

dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall
you will be directed when you get there
dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall, that was all i was told.. you will be directed when you get there....

wonder if they transported... lol
 
Well.. we get a lot of them.... the one I really like is
Station 11 - medical assist - male unresponsive and incoherent...

OK well, he's either one or the other right????

or this one
Station 11 - medical assist - full code - patient is breathing
??????

how about ?

ren (pronounced Hen) - al failure....

it goes on and on... usually we roll our eyes.
 
BigBoy said:
so there is a hospital based ambulance here and the hall is about 30 yards from the er doors.... they just got paged out and it went like this

dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall
you will be directed when you get there
dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall, that was all i was told.. you will be directed when you get there....

wonder if they transported... lol
Click to expand...

This happened quite often at the hospital i used to work at. Policy(ins. regulations) did not allow hospital employees to bring a patient in, EMS had to be called.
 
Hospital we went to often had a policy that if the patient or patients family could not get the patient into the ED waiting room, they didn't do it; and the hospital would call 911. we were private service and a few times would be sent into the waiting room to take them to the Triage Desk.
they stopped that when we started taking the patients out of the waiting room, to a bigger hospital. when they realized that they were losing money they changed their policy.
 
in lowndes county mississippi
a vol ff has to pass within 300 yards of a scene to get a truck as he passes this conversation ensues.

ff to central I CAN SMELL SMOKE
dispatch copy
FF: I can see smoke its in the air boys Roll the tankers im calling all units.
ff to dispatch tone us again i smell it its big.
ff finally gets to station and back enroute
ff to dispatch be advised on scene smoke coming from the roof its a big one
30 secs later ff to dispatch be advised controlled burn they're burning leaves
after 5 trucks go enroute
dispatch {with laughter in the background) we copy.
 
Dispatch: "49, what's your ETA to Facility 1?"
49: "........ 13 and a half minutes."
Dispatch: "Uh... okay. What's your ETA to Facility 2?"
49: "........ 11 and a half minutes."
Dispatch: "... copy. Thank you for your precision."
 
"Don't think too hard. You don't have too much hair left."
 
Just heard this on our county fire dispatch channel. Some one was keying up and saying "I know" in a creepy voice like in a horror movie.

Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Dispatch: What color is my shirt?
 
Last night....


Dispatch...Need units to respond for a subject that is choking on "Raisin Bran" cereal.


I mean....did we really need to know the brand????
 
Maybe treatment protocol is different for rasin bran as opposed to the treatment for cocoa puffs. One is a choking the other is a Coocoo.
 
Deltachange said:
Maybe treatment protocol is different for rasin bran as opposed to the treatment for cocoa puffs. One is a choking the other is a Coocoo.
Click to expand...

A coocoo like you?:P
 
cruzJD said:
Helicopter- I read you loud and clear. Will buzz the trucks and use caution. My medic calls tails on the PT. ETA 6 min.
Click to expand...
That sounds like the start of something that would end with the phrase "The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause of this accident to be...."
 
firefighter89 said:
Just heard this on our county fire dispatch channel. Some one was keying up and saying "I know" in a creepy voice like in a horror movie.

Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Dispatch: What color is my shirt?
Click to expand...

Cadets most times get to use the radios and we think one of them was accidentally keying it every so often so the dispatcher says, I hear voices in my head. The team leader at the FAP I was stationed at happened to be a nurse in a Psych Ward. The nurse proceeds to ask the dispatcher over the radio about the voices.

Dispatcher: I hear voices in my head
Nurse: Is there one voice or multiple voices?
Dispatcher: one voice
Nurse: And this voice, does it try to tell you what to do?
Dispatcher: Sometimes mate
anyway the questions kept going for a few minutes before the dispatcher stopped responding to the nurse. I think the boss heard :unsure:
 
Funny Grass Fire Conversation

Dispatch: Unit X, respond to address for a small grass fire
Unit X: Received, show Rescue en route. Be advised, this will be on the border of our service area. Please notify Unit Y.
Dispatch: Received. Stand By
Unit Y: Unit Y receives direct. Brush 1 will be en route shortly. Unit X, continue to location and advise of what you have.
Unit X: Recieved
<<<<<<Moments Later>>>>>>
Unit X: Dispatch show Unit X Rescue on location in Unit Y's area with a small grass fire. Break. Unit Y, you can cancel if you want. We can handle.
Unit Y: Unit Y receives. Dispatch show Unit Y cancelling per Unit X. Break. Unit X, are yall going to put the fire out??
Unit X: Umm, as soon as we get a brush truck on scene.
 
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