Dumbest thing heard on the radio

One of the crews I used to work with called in service for the day and said "02 is pager 'I' as in 'aye aye captain!'"... All of us just cringed... until a smart *** piped up "and that is why public schools are bad!"
 
You know that its going to be a long night when your dispatcher comes back with "Sorry, forgot where I was at tonight!"
 
Middleboro Rescue, you are responding to Rite Aide for the shoplifter who fainted.
 
"respond priority 1 to the downtown area for the man down."

We just marked on scene. Gimme a break, that's the best they could get? The guy turned out to be on the median of the highway, right smack in the middle of the downtown area. :rolleyes:
 
On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:

Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
Me: Thanks, Dispatch, I wasn't expecting a reply at this wonderful hour.
Dispatch: Neither was I.

About 10 Minutes Later:

Me: Dispatch, L2 will be in route to station.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2, be advised you have 4 bogeys 6 o'clock high bugging out.
Me: Copy bogeys, this is Ghostrider requesting fly-by.
Dispatch: Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.
Me: Copy, pattern full, we will be arriving on Runway 17 North in approx. 45 seconds.
Dispatch: Roger, call the ball.
Me: L2 has the ball.
Dispatch: You're too low! Pull Up! PULL UP!
Me: Arrived at base safe and sound. Thank you for flying Psychiatric Airlines, hope you have a Wonderful day!
 
Mixed radio and PA incident: "You BETTER run!".

Driving out of flightline fire staion, getting ready to call
"10-8", when we see the ramp fire patrol vehicle parked a hundred yards away sort of near the pilot's vending machine shack, the driver waddling back towards it with an armload of junk food, and his handheld radio in one hand. We watch him raise the radio up and call himself as in service a mile away across the flightline.

My crewchief calls us "10-8 by the vending shack".

The patrol driver's head jerks up, swivels around, and he spots us then starts running like a big blue woodchuck for his truck.

My crewchief switches to PA and shouts "You BETTER run, you goofy f#%&*r!!"...just behind Senior NCO Row, echoing across the quiet flightline.:blush:
 
A local county called into our dispatch center requesting our helicoptor for a motorcycle 10-50. After I dispatched the bird, she called back and my partner answered.

Partner: "Medforce 2 is enroute and will be there in approx 15 minutes. Would you be able to get us coordinates so they can find you easier?"

Calling Disp: "Um, no. Just have them meet the ambulance and the Dollar General." :unsure: :blink:
 
Huey driver "Pitchpull"" tells one.

Respnding to state patrol at a MVA, gets to approximate site but it's wooded. Asks for terminal guidance (bad choice of words). Trooper states he'll turn on his roof beacons", which really penetrate the thick leafy trees he is parked under...not.<_<
 
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Dispatch: Unit 52 take 415 Whitaker for a female unable to be aroused.

Us: Recieved but I dont think thats in our protocols.
 
Send Fire Trucks

I heard this one on a ride along a few months ago. There was an MVA where the car went over a really steep embankment. The driver was hurt and needed to be transported. The dispatcher asked if Fire and Rescue was needed. One of the medics calmly exclaimed, "No, I will just climb down the cliff myself!" I think dispach misses her coffee that morning. :rolleyes:
 
We receive a page while we are in the ER that says "I need you guys to clear ASAP."

Us: "We're 10-8"
Dispatch: "Stand by"
*15 minutes pass*
Us: "Still standing by..."
Dispatch: "Oh crap. Forgot about you. Post at........"
Us: "Okay."

We go to post. Much time passes... in fact, past the time we should be cleared to the station. Again, we decide to contact our very forgetful dispatch.

Us: "Can we come in now?"
Dispatch: "Oh.. uh.. are you 10-8?"
Us: "Yeah.. we have been for like two hours."
Dispatch: "Oh. I would have cleared you.. I still had you showing at the hospital... Come on in."


Turns out at the shift change, the night dispatcher never put us back in service. The oncoming morning dispatcher assumed we had just arrived at the hospital and had gotten lost inside or something.
 
Buzz said:
We receive a page while we are in the ER that says "I need you guys to clear ASAP."

Us: "We're 10-8"
Dispatch: "Stand by"
*15 minutes pass*
Us: "Still standing by..."
Dispatch: "Oh crap. Forgot about you. Post at........"
Us: "Okay."

We go to post. Much time passes... in fact, past the time we should be cleared to the station. Again, we decide to contact our very forgetful dispatch.

Us: "Can we come in now?"
Dispatch: "Oh.. uh.. are you 10-8?"
Us: "Yeah.. we have been for like two hours."
Dispatch: "Oh. I would have cleared you.. I still had you showing at the hospital... Come on in."


Turns out at the shift change, the night dispatcher never put us back in service. The oncoming morning dispatcher assumed we had just arrived at the hospital and had gotten lost inside or something.
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Those hospitals can be tricky, I tell ya! lol
 
Unit 2: Unit 2 to dispatch, any additional on the patient?
Dispatcher: Standby, we're in the middle of a wildfire.
Unknown: Well get out!

or...

Dispatcher: Your BLS unit is still 10 minutes out.
Medic: You want me to wait for them?
Dispatcher: I don't know, YOU'RE the medic. Do you think you can wait?
 
Linuss said:
"Pt is severely dead"


I kid you not.
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Let me explain..

Dead is when they're still warm.

Really dead is when they're cold and stiff.

Severely dead is when you need to break out the vicks and take the least amount of breaths necessary. This really shouldn't call for EMTs, except maybe for the poor soul who found the severely dead person.
 
Working medical at a large marathon; on the main channel (channel one) that is being used by the race crew, PD, EMS and FD:

"Daddy, are you on channel one or channel two? Papa? Are you there papa? Daddy this is Jimmy. Are you on channel one or two we're trying to find you."

Over and over and over again. Seriously. I was in the medical tent and Papa was a ff/medic who was helping coordinate things. Someone made the grave error of leaving their radio in reach of "Jimmy," who continued to transmit the same stupid thing over and over again until he was finally caught by the medic chasing him. Goat rodeo.
 
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After a particulary long day in our small town my unit (we only have one) gets dispatched to a suicide attempt. We jump in and haul it to the other side of town lights and sirens. Dispatch comes across and advises that PD is on scene and requsting that we come in quiet. My partner pics up the mic and whispers "Medic 1 recieved" The dispatcher who is a friend of mine sends me a text saying as soon as he heard that he was laughing so hard he almost peed himself.
 
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