Dumbest thing heard on the radio


Forum Ride Along
Me: "Communications, send LEO to intersection of hwy 70 and pedestrian crosswalk. The big, giant pedestrian crosswalk"
Dispatch: "10-4, can we request a reason why?"
Me: "Patient fled unit at stop sign"
Dispatch: "Are you saying that the patient jumped out of the truck at the stop sign?"
Me: "Affirmative"
Dispatch: "What is patient's location now?"
Me: "No idea. That's why we need LEO"


IFT Puppet
On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:

Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
Me: Thanks, Dispatch, I wasn't expecting a reply at this wonderful hour.
Dispatch: Neither was I.

About 10 Minutes Later:

Me: Dispatch, L2 will be in route to station.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2, be advised you have 4 bogeys 6 o'clock high bugging out.
Me: Copy bogeys, this is Ghostrider requesting fly-by.
Dispatch: Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.
Me: Copy, pattern full, we will be arriving on Runway 17 North in approx. 45 seconds.
Dispatch: Roger, call the ball.
Me: L2 has the ball.
Dispatch: You're too low! Pull Up! PULL UP!
Me: Arrived at base safe and sound. Thank you for flying Psychiatric Airlines, hope you have a Wonderful day!
I just want to wish you luck, were all counting on you.


The Young One
PD had received a few calls about a possible Black Bear roaming a neighborhood.

Dispatch: Unit ## what's your status.
Unit: "Be vewy vewy quiet we're hunting a vewy vewy big wabbit"


Forum Lieutenant
Yesterday one of our units was dispatched to a call. Dispatch went out something like this:

Dispatch: GP 3-2. You are being dispatched for a _ y/o female. Concious, not breathing. Not sure how that works.

Turns out pt was later reported to have agonal breathing after falling and hitting her head.


Forum Ride Along
A coworker responded to a man making love to a 2 liter bottle when his pecker got stuck.

Unit: Unit 3 to XXXX Hospital.
Hospital: Go ahead.
Unit: I'm 3 minutes out with a __ y/o male with a strangulated penis.
Hospital: Uhhh, 10-4.


Forum Probie
dumb fire fighter

My town has the largest fired protection dist in the county and most eveyone knows what county roads are were. This is how this went out

Disp: "tones.........________fire, fire response is needed to ________ z hwy bates city for a structure fire fully engulfed, time of tone xxxxhours.

Fire: "________fire copies tone, stanby"

Fire: "________fire enroute"

Disp: "copy ________fire enroute"

Fire: "is that address north or south on z hwy in bates city"

Disp: "well the hightway only goes south in bates city.......so I would say south"

Fire: " (people laughingin the cab) I knew that......"


Forum Lieutenant
A coworker responded to a man making love to a 2 liter bottle when his pecker got stuck.

Unit: Unit 3 to XXXX Hospital.
Hospital: Go ahead.
Unit: I'm 3 minutes out with a __ y/o male with a strangulated penis.
Hospital: Uhhh, 10-4.
Cue up Wierd Al Yankovic's Weenie in a Bottle.


Forum Chief
"I can't take epinephrine, I'm allergic to it"

"Ok... what makes you think you're allergic to adrenaline?"

"It makes my heart beat real fast!"


Forum Crew Member
"female, chief complaint va-jay-jay bleed."

(on a patient report given over the radio)
OMG!!!!! sounds like some of my patients...... are you sure you dont go to University of Notre Dame.... that is hilarious:p


Forum Lieutenant
ok had to share this one. our first crew was dispatched for a "sick case" bright and early this morning. when the crew was getting patient report from dispatch the dispatcher says 'your pt is a 76 y/o male with a history of death.' now there is a small break before he comes back on the radio takes a deep breath and gives the actual pt report. it takes the responding crew a few moments to respond because everytime the radio cued up all you could hear were sirens and hysterical laughter.


Forum Captain
Hahahahaha NIce. BTW, that line will now live for a while longer in my sig. ;-)


Forum Crew Member
Actually heard on the police frequency while sitting at work

Officer1: “XX, what your 20?”
Officer2: “Out west” (One of their personal codes for a specific location)
Officer1: (Apparently not aware of that location) “West??”
Officer2: “10-3, if you are facing east, just turn around”

Here's a back and forth with a dispatcher

Me: “Ambulance six is on scene, mileage of one”
Dispatcher: “10-4 six, Copy on scene at <time>. What was your mileage?”
Me: <Making sure to pause to ensure the radio connects> “One mile”
Dispatcher: “10-9”
Me: "On scene, One Mile"
Dispatcher: "Six, Nine Miles? Please repeat"
Me: “One mile, ONE, una milla”
Dispatcher: “diez cuatro”


Forum Ride Along
ok so one time my ex boyfriend and i were going to a fire and i didnt know his radios were sitting in the seat with me and when i sat down i accidently cued them up so everyone heard us having an arguemnet on the way to the scene .. dispatch came back and said "sounds like someones not having fun"


Forum Ride Along
happened on a busy busy day....

me: rescue 2 to 510, rescue 2 is going to be back and town and available.
dispatch:.....not for long.....(with sly voice)

I dispatched for the University PD (we have city, county, university PDs and EMT in the same town) before deploying and I can honestly say I have heard that line. It was during the University's homecoming and we had more AAIs (Acute Alcohol Intoxications) than you could shake a stick at. The last unit had just called themselves available when the dispatcher replied "Not for long" before procedding to dispatch them out again. I couldn't help but laugh...and then the phone in our office rang. Karma can really be a you-know.


Still crazy but elsewhere
Here are two...

(On tape from Offutt Air Force Base Fire-Rescue/SAC Headquarters, 1977)
(Incoming emergency phone): "This is Sarpy County Sheriffs, we are following a bright light in the sky and request aircraft to check it out".
(19 y/o screwup firefighter relegated to Alarm Room operator) "ARE YOU SHI%#IN' ME?".

Second one: (hometown PD trying to catch someone driving a souped up 2 cycle go-kart at high speed through residential neighborhood. Usual chatter, only one car in pursuit but kart keeps outturning him, whenfinally the kart cuts up a driveway, through a yard, and out the back to the next alley, losing the cops):
PD driver: "The kart's left Maple street through the Smiths' yard and is out of sight".
PD driver's partner in background, sees kart has cut back across thier street from one driveway and up another, screaming): "Lookit that sumb*ch GO!!!".:blush:


Guess who's back...
One of our part-timers is also a LifeFlight dispatcher. This is from the other day...

Base: "LifeFlight Operations, Fair Medical Base."
LF: "This is LifeFlight Ops, go ahead."
Base: "Happy birthday!"
*10 second pause*
LF: "0947."


Forum Probie
Dispatch: any units 10-8 for a cutting and a shooting call?
(The medic unit was taking their time at the hospital and waiting for a "good" call)
Medic: M2 10-8, whats the location of the call?
Dispatch: 10-4 M2, cut across broad st. and shoot up main st. for a sick case at XXX apartments.
Medic: That's not cool.
Dispatch: Have fun M2.


Flight nurse, ground paramedic
One of the police officers or dispatchers on campus accidentally called one of the cops by the wrong name, to which the officer replied "I'm not that bald and short." :p


Forum Probie
I don’t know how funny this is but every one was LOL when they played the tape in our meeting last week.

We got a call to assist at a local high school foot ball game where one of the BLS busses decided to go hang out for a few hours. We have a 30 to 40 min drive to ER.

Dispatch- respond to ___ high school to the 30 yard line.
me- I though unit 1 was there. in rout
Unit 1- I’m on the 40 yard line.
Dispatch- A helicopter is in rout where do you want them to stage (me).
me- have them stage on the other teams 30 yard line. ETA 5 min
Dispatch- unit 2 they want to know if you want them on the north 30 yard line or the south one.
me- have them radio us once they are with in range and I’ll give them more info
Dispatch- me they want to know the status of there PT
me- Unit 1 can you give us some info on why you woke us up for our nap. ETA 2 min
Unit 1- PT 1- is a 15 year old that got hit hard blood coming out of the helmet can not find where, in shock, on blow by o2, semi alert part of the time. PT 2- 40 something female with asthma on 15 LM, very labored at 10 respirations per min turning blue. I think there are 6 people in cuffs that are minor and a few more that need cuffs but the cops ran out.
me- arriving tell helicopter to land on the end of the field that dose not have trucks on it, 6 foot fence around field, 60’ light post on the 10, 30, and 50 yard lines. I think the 20 yard line would work good. There’s a field goal on the other side on the ends zone. Will try to have the people cleared out, request a fly by and use caution. Will coin toss on PT.
Dispatch- 10 4 is that the north or south end of the field.
Me- I think it’s the west end
Helicopter- I read you loud and clear. Will buzz the trucks and use caution. My medic calls tails on the PT. ETA 6 min.