Dumbest thing heard on the radio

Olin said:
I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread over the past few days. I have a couple that may be interesting. I’m a park ranger and mainly deal with LEO dispatch.

Dispatch: 1 Adam, trespass at x street. Neighbor in yard stealing apples from tree.

1 Adam: in route

2 Adam: attach me to the trespass

3 Adam: add me to that call

4 Adam: attach me to the trespass and show me in route.

( This was entertaining as I pictured 4 cop cars racing toward the apple thief. It was a very slow morning).

——-

Dispatch: 1 Adam, Wildlife call at x street for an injured deer in the road way.

I happened to be coming up to the scene, so I gave my report and stated that I’d be putting the animal down.

Me: cancel this dispatch, the animal left the scene.

Road Sargent: we’ll let you know if he shows up at the ER.
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Are you sure it was apples and not lemons?
 
I don’t get the reference, but I can picture this on Benny Hill.
 
RedAirplane said:
I didn't figure it out for a while either. My EMT instructor kept talking about using PASTE for SOB patients. I had fun using my imagination with that one.
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SOB: Shortness of Breath.
Provoke: Find out whether any external factor such as movement is making the situation better or worse.
Associated Chest Pain: This will elicit descriptions of the patient’s pain in and around chest area.
Sputum production (color): Is the patient coughing up sputum. Mucus-like sputum can be an indication of infection or any problem in respiratory system
Talking & Tiredness: Is the patient talking with you? Is he/she feeling tired? If the patient is not talking or responding to your voice, perform CPR immediately.
Exacerbation: Check whether the condition of the patient is worsening with time.
 
Sitting in my office with radio on on the desk

Dispatch: unit *** uncoded medical mid 50s male south transit center respond channel 5.

Unit: ETOH?

Dispatch: (dead key) probably.


And yes it was a frequent flyer ETOH when they arrived in my ED.
 
Not radio but tracker board in my ED we had a CC of "injected a lot of meth" that is a direct quote.
 
Overheard a radio call on the scanner BLS to Hosp. for an elderly Pt trip and fall
The emt sounded brand new at radio reports
Hospital asked if the Pt is on any blood thinners to which the emt replies:
Yes, he took 4mg of Tylenol

During a transport to the e.r. I couldn't get a hold of the radio nurse for roughly 10 minutes. Meanwhile another unit was also attempting to get a hold of them. The cct nurse on the other unit ended up giving me a whole radio thinking I was the radio nurse
 
I have had other units give me radio reports; because they thought I was the hospital; When I finally got in touch with the hospital I gave them both reports. It confuses the hospital; but keeps a crew from getting yelled at.
 
"Unit XYZ. 10-8 Priority 2 to 123 Smith St for a 65 year old male states he can't see. Says he'll be waiting for EMS on the porch."

"On the porch? How does he know?"
 
Not in EMS, but when I was working armed security. My partner was watching porn unaware that he was keyed up. Safe to say that was his last night with the company.
 
Tx1Nguyen said:
Not in EMS, but when I was working armed security. My partner was watching porn unaware that he was keyed up. Safe to say that was his last night with the company.
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A friend of mine sat on her Mic in her car one day while explaining the facts of life to her daughter.

Before trunked systems, not uncommon for someone to get a helium balloon and talk on the Mic.

Get toned,out for a working fire, the crew asks for lead in. Someone else keys up and says head for the tower of smoke
 
08:00 coffee and our dynamic duo was partnered.
"^&*(()*&^$$&* (^&%** **^&%"
Dispatch: Unit 1, please repeat.
"&*^&($)$&@#)$__&((*(^^&_)"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"*#%$)#& *^# responding."
Dispatch: Copy.
...
"&@%^$))*^&"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"&^$#($*"
Dispatch: "Unit one, please repeat"
In the ER and listening to all this. After about 20 minutes the unit has apparently arrived at scene. More high speed unintelligible gibberish. ER requests them LL. Nurse taking the call looks confused. No radio miscoms, just ultra ultra hyper.
The POD sorts the noise, advises then phone hung up he walks off, calling over his shoulder. "And see if you can slip those two some Demerol"

Late night, same POD on duty. Doc turns around to, as he described, the original wild eyed maniac, waving a Bowie knife. Without missing a beat the doc turns around and starts opening the drug safe. Digging out a double handful he turns to the robber, "You want this all to go or you want some on board?"

I wore several hats at the hospital. I had faded back from the ambulance scene and NA, and was working electronics, helping install a new patient monitoring system in ICU. I heard the call of an incoming code blue and just naturally went on down to the ER. In comes the patient and the EMT on the chest is obviously green and not doing the job. The Sup spotted me and "take compressions". So I bumped the EMT. It was one of those fades. Nearly all artifacts and an occasional lousy QRS. We were on him hot. My buddy, RT sup on the airway. My fav ER doc calling. Pick it up... slow it down, had me take compressions up to 120 and nada. Fade. Defibs caused more artifacts. A little frustrating. RT was monitoring the carotid, getting my compressions, but it slowly went flat line. Code finally called, 35 minutes.
Then a week later and the EMS review came storming in. They confronted Admin then the entire crowd descended on the ER. They got close to up in his face on the ER doc, the same, and demanded an explanation. Why was a maintenance mech listed on that code?! No doubt visions of a wrongful death suit open and shut looming.
The doc looked at the report. "Oh! Him? He's my CPR instructor."
(I was EMT II, ACLS cert, and an AHA CPR instructors instructor at that time)

That same doc needed to recert his CPR. He grabbed me as I was going through the ER and told me. I verbally gave him a man down scenario on the spot. "So there he is on the gurney, apparently checked out. What do you do."
Doc didn't miss a beat. "Call a code. You guys are much better at that than me."
Passed.

Red light fever
Dispatch: (Substation) we have a fire reported at (location).
We had a captain at that substation who had earned the nickname Iceman very early in his career for a very obvious reason.
Mic is keyed. A solid 5 second pause then "Dispatch..." five seconds more, "(substation)", ten to fifteen seconds pass then "Yup." Another 5+ seconds and finally, "It's going pretty good......... I can see it from here."
 
RedBlanketRunner said:
08:00 coffee and our dynamic duo was partnered.
"^&*(()*&^$$&* (^&%** **^&%"
Dispatch: Unit 1, please repeat.
"&*^&($)$&@#)$__&((*(^^&_)"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"*#%$)#& *^# responding."
Dispatch: Copy.
...
"&@%^$))*^&"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"&^$#($*"
Dispatch: "Unit one, please repeat"
In the ER and listening to all this. After about 20 minutes the unit has apparently arrived at scene. More high speed unintelligible gibberish. ER requests them LL. Nurse taking the call looks confused. No radio miscoms, just ultra ultra hyper.
The POD sorts the noise, advises then phone hung up he walks off, calling over his shoulder. "And see if you can slip those two some Demerol"

Late night, same POD on duty. Doc turns around to, as he described, the original wild eyed maniac, waving a Bowie knife. Without missing a beat the doc turns around and starts opening the drug safe. Digging out a double handful he turns to the robber, "You want this all to go or you want some on board?"

I wore several hats at the hospital. I had faded back from the ambulance scene and NA, and was working electronics, helping install a new patient monitoring system in ICU. I heard the call of an incoming code blue and just naturally went on down to the ER. In comes the patient and the EMT on the chest is obviously green and not doing the job. The Sup spotted me and "take compressions". So I bumped the EMT. It was one of those fades. Nearly all artifacts and an occasional lousy QRS. We were on him hot. My buddy, RT sup on the airway. My fav ER doc calling. Pick it up... slow it down, had me take compressions up to 120 and nada. Fade. Defibs caused more artifacts. A little frustrating. RT was monitoring the carotid, getting my compressions, but it slowly went flat line. Code finally called, 35 minutes.
Then a week later and the EMS review came storming in. They confronted Admin then the entire crowd descended on the ER. They got close to up in his face on the ER doc, the same, and demanded an explanation. Why was a maintenance mech listed on that code?! No doubt visions of a wrongful death suit open and shut looming.
The doc looked at the report. "Oh! Him? He's my CPR instructor."
(I was EMT II, ACLS cert, and an AHA CPR instructors instructor at that time)

That same doc needed to recert his CPR. He grabbed me as I was going through the ER and told me. I verbally gave him a man down scenario on the spot. "So there he is on the gurney, apparently checked out. What do you do."
Doc didn't miss a beat. "Call a code. You guys are much better at that than me."
Passed.

Red light fever
Dispatch: (Substation) we have a fire reported at (location).
We had a captain at that substation who had earned the nickname Iceman very early in his career for a very obvious reason.
Mic is keyed. A solid 5 second pause then "Dispatch..." five seconds more, "(substation)", ten to fifteen seconds pass then "Yup." Another 5+ seconds and finally, "It's going pretty good......... I can see it from here."
Click to expand...
Ok?
 
So one day one of our members had to pick up one of our trucks at the shop and apparently the mechanic wasn't done...
This is what the whole county heard that day. 🙂

Driver: "uhh **** 232 is leaking something.

ooperator 26: "just stay there I'm on my way."

Driver: oh **** the whole truck smells like **** from whatever the **** is coming out from underneath. I don't know what the **** to do!"

chief of police in the dispatch center:

"232 from central... That's not proper radio etiquette."
 
Not on the radio but we had a death certification (he had been dead for many hours before we came) and the trainee asked if we should take his bp to be sure.
 
My service is heavily reliant on cell phones so these things rarely happen. Luckily, dispatchers still exist.

Deez Patcho: "Unit B41, what is your status?"

Partner: "Dispatch, this is B41. We're charting this last call right now. Is it alright if we get lunch after?" (we get a 40min break every shift)

DP: "Yeah, that works"

*90 seconds later*

DP: "B41, what is your status?"

Me: "Just wrapping up this report and getting a bite to eat"

DP: *hangs up*
 
ffemt8978 said:
Only if it doesn't involve wanting those posts deleted at a later date.
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Luckily it doesn't 😎

One time returning to the service area:
"113…The boys are back in town"

Another time going out west:
"113 is westbound and down"

Best thing I've ever said on the radio (different unit):
"117 en route from Rib Crib"
 
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