# Feeling discouraged, freakish. Am I cut out for EMS?



## Altered Mental Status (Sep 12, 2013)

I'm an AEMT in my second semester of Paramedic. I don't have a whole lot of experience but I've had a few incidents on clinical rotations that are making me feel like maybe I wasted all my money and time trying to shoe-horn myself into a world in which I do not belong and am not really welcome.

I'm a mess. Too smart for my own good yet socially clumsy, underconfident and I end up getting under someone's skin everywhere I go. It's been like this since I was a little girl; I've always been the nerdy oddball who comes off as a know-it-all. Even worse, I'm clumsy and inexperienced so I seem like an _incompetent_ know-it-all. I try to mitigate this by being humble and showing gratitude but I always find myself getting rolled-eyes looks from the nurses and and the sneaking suspicion that they're whispering about me at the nurse's station. I end up cleaning a lot of beds and sent to bring things to the lab a lot.

It's snowballed into this giant ball of angst and dread in my chest that seems to just be getting worse and worse. The more nervous and underconfident I am, the more clumsy and prone to make mistakes. The harder I try to power through that, the more likely I am to screw something up and look like an arrogant B--ch who fell on her *** and needs to be run off.

Things I do wrong pretty regularly:
1. I'm too slow about placing 12-leads. I try not to make the patient feel like I'm manhandling (or lady-handling) them and then I struggle with the giant ball of tangled leads like an idiot for a while. I feel like a moron because I keep clipping them on and then the patient moves or they get caught and the ones I just placed come off while I'm placing others. It's freaking slapstick...I know I look like a G.D. clownshow.

2. I've lost all confidence getting IVs and now I take forever and miss about half of them. My heart is in my chest because I always end up getting that patient who says "One chance, that's all you get." Furthermore, I have tiny, tiny hands (I wear a size 4.5 ring, if that tells you anything) and I have trouble knowing what to do with my fingers and never manage to occlude the vein enough so there's always a mess to clean.

3. I open my G.D. mouth too much. I think I'm helping myself by asking for guidance or discussing my interventions but really, I'm making myself look like a naive idiot. No one cares what my thoughts are, no one wants to stop and talk, you either get it or you don't. Lead, follow or GTFO of the way. Even worse; I talk when I'm nervous and end up putting my foot so far in my mouth, I kick my own a$$.

I've made 3 mistakes in my career that were bad enough to be officially reprimanded for. One had to do with saying something stupid in the box that got completely (understandably) misinterpreted. I'm still kicking myself a year later. It was so dumb, it's embarrassing.

The second was that I am prescribed medication that I left in my purse under the desk at the hospital which was subsequently stolen. When I reported it, the charge nurse felt as though I was accusing people and possibly drug-seeking. I had to explain to my director that I was actually OVERDUE to have my script refilled because I'd skipped a few doses (with my doc's approval) to avoid downregulation issues. It doesn't matter. I never should have brought them with me and I NEVER should have reported it without calling my director/instructor FIRST. DERP. It was decided that I not return to that ED ever again.

The last (and most serious) was when I began to raise the stretcher for a patient who had pulmonary problems in Cath Lab recovery. I'm lucky I didn't really hurt that patient and I have spent hours crying and kicking myself over it. Honestly, I had no freaking idea I was doing wrong until after the fact. I thought I was helping the poor man because he said he couldn't breathe supine. I should have asked the nurse first. 

My director received a stern letter about my incompetence and a whole bunch of "slightly clumsy" things I'd said or done that day ended up being exaggerated and included in that letter. I am in no position to argue or defend myself, obviously because of my giant F-up that comprises the bigger priority.

I am absolutely PANICKED now about doing another rotation. I have a feeling of dread in my gut and that almost GUARANTEES I'm going to fumble the ball and screw something up now. 

I'm passionate about EMS, I love people and my patients usually love me back but I know that ain't enough. Half of this job is how you manage a scene, manage other professionals and how quickly, efficiently and confidently you can get it all done and defend your decisions.

Am I wasting my time?


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## Masenko (Sep 12, 2013)

I'm also a paramedic student in my first semester and I've been on a couple clinicals so far. Needless to say, I've made a mistake each time I've been on a clinical. But I try not view those mistakes as negative. Sure I f'd up, but better now than when I'm on my own truck. Mistakes and opportunity for failure are also ways to improve. I know I'm not going to easily repeat the mistakes I've made at clinical, at least not without the neuralyzer from MIB. It looks like you've done a pretty good job at burning your mistakes into your head, and instead of using them as something positive, you've used them as a way to increase your anxiety. 

I mean we are just students. :blink:
I'm never going to know how my preceptor's attitude or patience is going to be, so just try to make the most of it. Try and realize that, while yes our future profession is serious, we'll all go insane if we let every little thing get us down. Try to lighten up mehbeh?


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## sweetpete (Sep 12, 2013)

Hey AMS,

Okay....that's alot to go wrong in a short period of time. I'll give you that. However, I'm not going to address any of the 3 issues you pointed out. As far as I'm concerned, that's water over the dam. Nothing you can do but learn from it and go from there.

I will say this though....you sound like you're being very sensible in your rationale. All I can say is hang in there. Yes, perhaps you should wait and give yourself some more time to cut your teeth as an advanced EMT. That's NOTHING to be ashamed of. Perhaps you rushed into medic a little sooner than you should have.

Maybe, if possible, you should consider taking some time off from medic school after this semester. I don't know what's best for you, but I've always been a proponent of the "wait and see" over "hurry and see".

Lastly, let me just add: it sounds like you're a good kid with a big heart. We all make mistakes. You're not the first and GOD know you won't be the last student to screw up. I did, others have, and more will.

This career doesn't make you a good or bad person. You make you a good or bad person. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. We live in an age of bullies and a**holes. Don't let them get to you.

There are a lot of people (myself included) who would rather see you succeed as a good friend or family member. The world needs more "good people" than "good medics (Which by the way, is a relative term).

So, take some time. Talk to a close friend or family member. Explain how you feel. Maybe talk to an instructor or peer you respect or a fellow class mate. Either way, take some time. It'll figure itself out sooner or later and in 25 years....who'll care anyway?

Take it easy,
Pete


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## VFlutter (Sep 12, 2013)

Altered Mental Status said:


> The last (and most serious) was when I began to raise the stretcher for a patient who had pulmonary problems in Cath Lab recovery. I'm lucky I didn't really hurt that patient and I have spent hours crying and kicking myself over it. Honestly, I had no freaking idea I was doing wrong until after the fact. I thought I was helping the poor man because he said he couldn't breathe supine. I should have asked the nurse first.



Everyone makes mistakes when they are new and many people exaggerate the frequency and extent of their own mistakes. That being said if there are multiple non-biased people telling you there is a problem then you really do need to reevaluate yourself and see what you can do to improve. 

As you mentioned the last situation is serious but may not have been entirely your fault. Were you given adequate preparation and orientation before going to the cath lab? Did the CCL Nurse explain post cath care? If not then they are partly to blame. But as you mentioned it is always a good idea to ask the nurse before doing anything in a procedural area. 

Do not let yourself get over confident and get into dangerous situations. You should not be in a critical care area unless you are adequately prepared and you certainly should not be in direct patient care without supervision. 

It sounds harsh but as I am sure you were made aware that simple act of raising the head of the bed could have killed that patient.


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## mycrofft (Sep 12, 2013)

Get a mentor or a buddy who's been at it longer or something, but you need someone who is there and knows you. We're ok but actually we are all the figments of someone's fevered imagination......

Just kidding about that second part, but the first is true. Not necessarily someone at work.

Having been the newb they ran to the curb a couple times then eventually being the old guy they always turned to for corporate knowledge, I think the trick is to show results, ask intelligent questions, but don't pester people unless you have a real reason for it. Acclaim and credit will come in time. Find out who your trainer is and sit down to talk to them about things.

And remember one provider/employer is not the same as another.


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## Altered Mental Status (Sep 13, 2013)

Thank y'all for your responses. 

*SweetePete* and *Masenko:* Thank you for these kind words. I almost don't even feel like a human being lately and that made me feel human again. 

Re: wait and see vs. Hurry and see: I'm unfortunately in the position to have to make up my mind soon; the Paramedic "cycle" starts on the summer semester. If I drop from the program after this semester, I'll have to wait an entire year to take the last semester of Paramedic. There are other factors at play too as to why it has to be "now or never." *Le sigh*

*Chase:* No, I wasn't given an orientation at all. I there was no post op explained at all. However, I should have known better. If I had an iota of common sense, I would have thought to myself "Gee, I wonder why this patient with a Hx of CHF is supine. It can't possibly be that everyone else is dumb, right? There's probably a REASON, right?" DURR.

And yeah, I know I could have killed the patient NOW. I went into a google g-hole about it as soon as I saw the stern look on my instructor's face and put together how serious he was. I haven't been able to sleep well since. I wake up in sweats about it. I feel so bad, I started writing a paper on it...half as penance and half because I hope maybe I can turn it in and save some other poor schlub the same dumb mistake in the future.

The funny thing is, nurse told me it was "fine" at the time. She put pressure on the femoral until someone came in and gave her a pressure dressing and told me it'd be okay. Later, she must have gone to her director with a laundry list on me because in the letter contained everything from the fact that I (politely) asked if there was a smoking area where I was allowed use my e-cig (deemed completely inappropriate) to the fact that I missed a stick and it appeared that I'd never done one before. (*bangs head*)

*mycrofft:* I've asked on two occasions at the ED if there was someone I could shadow and was told I need to take the initiative to just "jump in wherever" so I jump in, only to be treated like I'm getting in the way and sent out of the room to clean a bed or something. I might need to just wait for a day when my instructor is available to come precept. I managed to get on the good side of one of the nurses in the ED (Oddly: she's the one who doesn't like most students and isn't part of the nurse-station gossip gathering--just does her job and stays out of the chit-chat) but she's not always there. 

The thing is: I work better with constructive criticism. I'm a Navy vet; go ahead and be stern with me, instruct me, correct me. I'll do whatever I'm told. The WORST thing people do is expect me to "figure it out" without any feedback and then roll their eyes at me when I don't get it right. I realize that's a personal blind spot because the other students appear to be holding their own but I never believed until now that that blind spot necessarily excluded me from being competent at this.

So the overwhelming vibe I'm getting from you guys is that I haven't necessarily hit the wall yet, just that I need to maybe circle the flight pattern a bit more and adjust my speed and angle before I try my approach again. I feel like I've gotten very honest feedback from you--that you do comprehend the gravity of my mistakes--yet no one's telling me "yeah, find another job" just yet. That's a good sign to me. Thank you. 

I think what I'm going to do is work with my County volunteer truck doing ride-alongs as an AEMT while I finish school. I worked for a short while as a paid employee at County and I have some friends there. Unfortunately, I didn't get to do much more than drive the box. They're a full ALS service. My veteran's school grant requires that I not be making an income to receive it so I've been inactive but I know I'm always welcome to ride the #20 (volunteer) truck. Hopefully, I can build some confidence that way.

My strategy for completing clinicals (and this is per advice from my instructor) includes keeping my mouth shut and asking permission before I do ANYthing. If they want to treat me like a stupid dog, so be it but I'm not going to give them an actual reason to run me off. I'll make it so that the worst thing they can possibly say about me is "doesn't do a single G.D.thing without asking first." They'll probably abuse the hell out of me and I'll change a lot of bed pans but they won't be able to throw me under the bus if something goes wrong because I ASKED FIRST.

It's all I have at this point...


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## firetender (Sep 13, 2013)

You're asking yourself all the right questions. Unfortunately, you're beating yourself over the head (AND heart!) over them.

I get the feeling you set a very high standard for yourself and use the opportunity of not quite meeting it by doubting your fitness to...do anything.

Each of the things you mentioned was pretty much run-of-the-mill errors for a Newbie. And, yes, we deal with life and death stakes here and sometimes the simplest mistake can reap devastating consequences.

The name of the game is to minimize the mistakes you make more than once and any mistake you make, learn from. 

You have no reason that I can see to prolong the agony of your learning curve. It's gonna suck for a while but you don't really need your own inner-voice trash-mouthing you.

You can tell whom amongst your teachers and peers has patience for normal learning-curve anxieties. Those are the people you seek. 

Thanks for bringing your experience here. As you can see, you've earned some friends.


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## sweetpete (Sep 13, 2013)

I couldn't agree more with what Firetender just said!! Spot on and probably post of the day, in my opinion!! 

Well said Firetender!!!

Take care,
Pete


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## TechYourself (Sep 13, 2013)

Any ER that just says "jump in whenever" instead of pairing you with a preceptor sounds like a wasted clinical.  I know you feel like you should be doing your best to stay under the radar, but you're not doing yourself any favors by doing clinicals in a place that refuses to cultivate your learning.  I don't know if that ER is the only one in the area, but if there's other options it might be a good time for a change of scenery.  

Just a thought.  



Keep staying the course.  We all mess up, but the beauty of having a partner or working in a department is that we don't have to do it alone.  Help is there when you need it.


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## Christopher (Sep 13, 2013)

Altered Mental Status said:


> The last (and most serious) was when I began to raise the stretcher for a patient who had pulmonary problems in Cath Lab recovery. I'm lucky I didn't really hurt that patient and I have spent hours crying and kicking myself over it. Honestly, I had no freaking idea I was doing wrong until after the fact. I thought I was helping the poor man because he said he couldn't breathe supine. I should have asked the nurse first.



I'd have raised him up without realizing too, and I'm not a medic student.

Honest mistake on your part.


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## sweetpete (Sep 13, 2013)

TechYourself said:


> Any ER that just says "jump in whenever" instead of pairing you with a preceptor sounds like a wasted clinical.  I know you feel like you should be doing your best to stay under the radar, but you're not doing yourself any favors by doing clinicals in a place that refuses to cultivate your learning.  I don't know if that ER is the only one in the area, but if there's other options it might be a good time for a change of scenery.
> 
> Just a thought.
> 
> ...



IMHO....this is MORE great advice. True beyond words. I learned (hence enjoyed) more in the ER and ambulance rotations when I went full throttle and begged/offered to help in any way possible without trying to be a burden.

I think you'll find the balance sooner or later. Don't give up!! 

What a great thread!!

Pete


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## Blue Medic (Sep 13, 2013)

Well, I guess I'm going to be the voice from the other side...
EVERYBODY is NOT cut our for this line of work, and it sounds like you are not.  It's not a game, and it's not a hobby.  If you make a mistake and are that nervous where you get a lump in your throat because you're starting an IV, someone holding your hand and saying "it'll be ok.  You'll get it next time!" will not keep your patient alive.

There is no shame in trying and figuring out it's not for you.  In fact, there is valor in acknowledging your weaknesses and stepping aside.  I'm certain you have a million other talents.  But for the sake of your sanity, and the safety of those who trust you for care, don't keep at it "just because".


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## 9D4 (Sep 13, 2013)

Blue Medic said:


> Well, I guess I'm going to be the voice from the other side...
> EVERYBODY is NOT cut our for this line of work, and it sounds like you are not.  It's not a game, and it's not a hobby.  If you make a mistake and are that nervous where you get a lump in your throat because you're starting an IV, someone holding your hand and saying "it'll be ok.  You'll get it next time!" will not keep your patient alive.
> 
> There is no shame in trying and figuring out it's not for you.  In fact, there is valor in acknowledging your weaknesses and stepping aside.  I'm certain you have a million other talents.  But for the sake of your sanity, and the safety of those who trust you for care, don't keep at it "just because".


Really? That's your first post? You wanna tell me how your first few times with sticks were? You were just automatically comfortable with it, because sticking a needle in the immediate area of the lateral antebrachial cutaneous nerve and the brachial artery (if drawing from antecubital fossa) is a thing to take lightly when you're inexperienced... You made absolutely no mistakes in clinicals? Paragod, much? 


OP, sticks do get easier. My first few draws in phlebotomy school were nervous wrecks. The last day of class, however, I had a patient come in for practice sticks for me and I successfully drew 13/14 times (the miss was still a hit, I just accidently pulled the needle out). 
You weren't briefed on the cath lab thing, that wasn't your fault. Only thing you could've changed was asking before hand, but I think most people wouldn't think to ask if they can help someone sit up.
The 3rd thing is the clinical sites fault. You shouldn't be discounted for trying to understand something.


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## VFlutter (Sep 13, 2013)

Christopher said:


> I'd have raised him up without realizing too, and I'm not a medic student.
> 
> Honest mistake on your part.



Exactly. Like I said, the majority of the blame is on her instructor and preceptor for not adeqtuely preparing her. 

No student is coming anywhere near my post cath patient, or any patient, unless I am absolutely sure that they understand the basic care and precautions.


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## Carlos Danger (Sep 13, 2013)

Blue Medic said:


> EVERYBODY is NOT cut our for this line of work, and it sounds like you are not. It's not a game, and it's not a hobby. If you make a mistake and are that nervous where you get a lump in your throat because you're starting an IV, someone holding your hand and saying "it'll be ok.  You'll get it next time!" will not keep your patient alive.



This is bull:censored::censored::censored::censored:.

It's true that not everyone is cut out for EMS, but there is nothing in the OP's post that indicates she is not. Lots of people are anxious and clumsy in new, unfamiliar, and stressful situations.

Blue Medic, I'm sure you were just the picture of competence and confidence during your first clinical experience. Only the truly clueless are never nervous or afraid.


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## mycrofft (Sep 14, 2013)

Remember Ruth Gordon's quote:
If you don't blow your own horn, someone else will use it for a spittoon".

Quit borrowing trouble too. Accentuate your positives and your triumphs, even it is finding your way to and from clinical and remembering where your car is parked.


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## Altered Mental Status (Sep 14, 2013)

You guys are awesome. AWEsome. And yes, I do feel like I've made some friends here. I feel much better, actually.

Like I said; I'm gonna hop on the County volunteer truck a bit more and try to get over my choking stage fright by riding in the back instead of just driving for a Medic. I've decided that there's good advice on both sides of the equation but I'm not ready to give up on myself yet. I think I can be great at this but I have a challenge in front of me that requires me to be creative about finding solutions. I need to figure out my learning-style for competence-related skills and I need to work harder at it to build my own confidence.

I received some encouragement from someone here in town actually, for whom I have a lot of respect. She told me that two of the medics working for the County right now who were abysmally nervous and awkward have both blossomed in the last year. That making mistakes and feeling like a clown is still not the end of the line...it's not the end unless I've failed to learn or improve after several months of doing it.

If it does appear that I'm more of a danger than a help, I guess I'll sort that out too. It'll break my heart but I agree, walking away would be the right thing to do in that case.

Thank you, guys. <3


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## UKMEDICARABIA (Sep 14, 2013)

This is the Kind of job you will always be learning from as you practice.  If I could show you the mistakes medics (junior doctors) Make then you'd be feeling much more comfortable about everything.

My advice, carry on get finished and when you start working, learn from the mistakes of others and you will lean twice as fast.


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## teedubbyaw (Sep 15, 2013)

Sounds like you need experience and confidence. It seems like nerves are getting the best of you and may be the root of your problems. 

Volunteer like you plan, take a deep breath in those situations you find your nerves kicking in, and most of all, shut up and listen. That may be the take home point for you. 

We all make mistakes, and as a 3rd semester medic student myself, I've made plenty. I've learned from them and have built confidence from them. As one instructor once told me, you're going to kill a patient or two in your career. It's inevitable. 

Good luck.


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## Altered Mental Status (Sep 15, 2013)

I love you guys. Seriously. I have a volunteer shift tomorrow at 0800 with good people like yourselves. If it weren't for good folks, I think we'd _all_ be toast.


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## Jon (Sep 15, 2013)

AMS... Sounds like you're having a rough time in clinicals.

Let me tell you something... It's not a big secret, but I don't harp on it either (if you look back at some of my old posts, you'll find this story, too). I went all the way through medic school once..... And failed. My school at the time sounds similar to yours. My clinicals were in big hospitals, with limited 1:1 preceptor interaction.  When I did my ED time, I'd walk in and talk with an RN, and it wasn't unusual to get told "12 leads on room 1 and 4, IV's  and labs in room 4, 6, 7, and 10, and oh yeah, a foley in room 11. Then come find me. Did I get skills in? Yes. Did I get assessments in, and learn the "why"? Not really. That, coupled with coasting through Pharm and not really learning it meant that when I hit my field internship, I crashed and burned spectacularly. I couldn't put the big picture together and actually direct treatment of my patient.


I went through medic school again, a few years later. My clinical sites were smaller, and I got a lot more 1:1 clinical precepting. My program also had us out riding with medics after the first month or so. That worked a LOT better for me.




It sounds like part of your problem is that you are being left to fend for yourself. Talk with your program folks and see if that's the intent. If it is, perhaps try to find a couple of nurses that don't mind teaching you, and try to work your clinical schedule around their schedule.


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## J B (Sep 15, 2013)

Altered Mental Status said:


> If it weren't for good folks, I think we'd _all_ be toast.



As Americans we love that idea of rugged individualism - of that person who pulls himself up by his bootstraps against all odds - but it's a load of BS.  Nobody makes it on their own.


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## Onceamedic (Sep 15, 2013)

EMS is very attractive to those of us that want to "help" and are curious and nosy and impatient and let's be honest; thrill seekers.  Paramedicine is the only field where we get to act like doctors and not need all that book larning.  

We are thrown into the field with insufficient education.  Some of us have a true love of medicine and are ever curious and want to know why and have trouble with protocols that say "cause we say so".  

As newbies meaningful knowledge of the field is limited - and with inexperienced EMTs the gee whiz newbie thrill of the lights and sirens has not worn off. 

We want to do it so bad that we put up with crazy hours and :censored::censored::censored::censored:ty pay and managers that don't know what they are doing or are just dedicated to moving up the ladder and/or the bottom line.

Most wash out at 3 1/2 years.  Reality sets in and they either recognize that if they want to stay in medicine in any meaningful way they need to go back to school, or they do something else.  Some teach, others move into management, etc. etc. etc.  

The love of the field never leaves, but the paradigm and the politics that support it are unsupportable.

Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.  
You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords.  Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)

You have the bug.  You will not listen to me.  You will go forward and can "suceed".  You will cause yourself uncountable hours of second guessing and emotional beating to add to the exhaustion and other stresses of the job.

If you don't drive yourself over the bend and fill yourself with even more self hatred, after 2500 or so calls, you will realize that you don't really want to be there anymore.  It's not fun, the fulfilling moments are few, and you will be terribly saddened but unable to shake the knowledge that you are done with EMS.

Please stop thinking there is something wrong with you.


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## Altered Mental Status (Sep 15, 2013)

Jon said:


> AMS... Sounds like you're having a rough time in clinicals.
> 
> Let me tell you something... It's not a big secret, but I don't harp on it either (if you look back at some of my old posts, you'll find this story, too). I went all the way through medic school once..... And failed. My school at the time sounds similar to yours. My clinicals were in big hospitals, with limited 1:1 preceptor interaction.  When I did my ED time, I'd walk in and talk with an RN, and it wasn't unusual to get told "12 leads on room 1 and 4, IV's  and labs in room 4, 6, 7, and 10, and oh yeah, a foley in room 11. Then come find me. Did I get skills in? Yes. Did I get assessments in, and learn the "why"? Not really. That, coupled with coasting through Pharm and not really learning it meant that when I hit my field internship, I crashed and burned spectacularly. I couldn't put the big picture together and actually direct treatment of my patient.
> 
> ...



THIS gives me hope. I think I can deal with saying "I crashed and burned spectacularly but then I found my own footing at a later date and now I'm rockin' the box."

For the record; my instructor has been a source of support and advocacy but he has to offer the same clinical experience to every student within the parameters of the program requirements. He's offered to work with me some more in the lab to help me build my competencies so at the very least, I have someplace to start to find my own groove. He advised me to do the same thing you suggested: find a willing nurse and ask if I can shadow.



			
				Kaisu said:
			
		

> Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
> You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords. Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)
> 
> You have the bug. You will not listen to me. You will go forward and can "suceed". You will cause yourself uncountable hours of second guessing and emotional beating to add to the exhaustion and other stresses of the job.
> ...



The words of an intellectual kindred. <3 It takes a brilliant mind to recognize one. Thank you for you.

The truth is, I can't imagine wanting to do anything _other_ than this; I'm at my best in chaos, grow weary and unsure in ordered calm. I'm sure this is a curse you're quite familiar with. 

I used to make good money working behind a desk for d-bags and honestly, I'd rather spend my life making no more than $40K dealing with people's blood and sh:censored:t than have to deal with one more executive numbskull in wingtips, whining about the fact that there are no more of the "good pens" in supply and "by-the-way, when am I going to plan another expensed lunch meeting with those guys that always order from the sushi place?"

I like that when I put on the uniform, even though I know I may not be "saving lives" most of the time, at least I'm part of this world's _solutions_ instead of its _problems._ The patient having her third panic attack in a week doesn't bother me. Wiping phlegm out of a 2-pack-a-day smoker's stoma doesn't bother me. He can't pee, he weighs 300 lbs, she ran out of her zoloft and hasn't showered in days? No problem. Just don't make me have to track down a font some overpaid paper-monkey used to use at his old company 8 years ago _ever again._ Please.

Who knows? Maybe someday I'll write the book about us that actually does this field justice.

I'm actually on a volunteer shift right now (between calls) after months of taking a break. I've been here since 0800 (central time) and honestly, this has been a gigantic morale boost. THIS is why I'm doing this. THIS is what matters. THIS is my element (if I can just find my niche and sharpen myself to fit neatly in that space). The hospital environment with its neatly prescribed protocols and its pecking-order orientation is like extended family; family we have to get along with only briefly for holidays and gatherings (though get along, we must) and Internship is like a family reunion camping trip: it'll go a lot more smoothly if we all respect one anothers' space and hold our tongues.



			
				JB said:
			
		

> As Americans we love that idea of rugged individualism - of that person who pulls himself up by his bootstraps against all odds - but it's a load of BS. Nobody makes it on their own.



Totally feeling this. I'm so grateful for you guys. I look to everyone in this industry for wisdom and mentorship--not just the medics but the EMTs as well. I don't think I'll _ever_ feel like I'm too high up to learn from anyone up _or_ down the "chain of command." There's no job that's "beneath me," no lesson not worth learning. You guys really came through for me in what was a very dark hour and I hope I can do the same for someone else someday. I hope to share my victories with y'all soon.

Humblest, kindest regards,
-j


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## VFlutter (Sep 15, 2013)

Kaisu said:


> Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
> You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords.  Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)




I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics _should_ be intelligent. 

I frequently get the "You're too smart to be a Nurse" comment and it frustrates me like no other.


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## teedubbyaw (Sep 15, 2013)

Chase said:


> I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics _should_ be intelligent.
> 
> I frequently get the "Your too smart to be a Nurse" comment and it frustrates me like no other.



You're*


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## VFlutter (Sep 15, 2013)

teedubbyaw said:


> You're*



Fixed :blush: They said too smart to be a Nurse, not an English major.


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## hogwiley (Sep 15, 2013)

It's not your fault if you weren't taught something. I work with ICU charge Nurses who probably couldn't change the oil on their car, does that make them idiots? 

I have the advantage of having thick skin(or a thick skull), but I tune out all that BS. When I first started working as a tech I floated to many different units at a large hospital. There was no way you could know everything about every unit, how they did things and the types of procedures and devices particular to that unit. 

As a result the float techs were often treated like idiots by the techs on the units they floated to, even though we had more training than them, and those same techs probably couldn't function on another unit without an extensive orientation. It taught me that for some people, possessing knowledge someone else doesn't makes them superior to that person in their minds. Half the techs in that hospital seemed to think their unit was the hardest and they were somehow a cut above, it was hilarious. ER techs were probably the worst, even though the ER was considered one of the easiest units to work on. 

So keep that in mind when you see someone knocking out a 12 lead or starting an IV like they've done it a thousand times before, while you struggle. They aren't geniuses, they probably HAVE done it a thousand times before.


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## 9D4 (Sep 15, 2013)

Kaisu said:


> Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
> You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords.  Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)
> 
> 
> ...


Hope that quote works out like I want it, too, haha. 

I was thinking the same thing about the degrading part. 
I hope people understand this by how I say this. It's the driver; not the car. If you look all over online there's hundreds of videos of people that hop in Ferrari's and wreck in half a second, because they don't know how to drive. Where as someone racing against that Ferrari that just wrecked in a cheapo Ford is going to win, because they were the better driver and had the skills. I'm not even going to say anything about the fact that Ferraris seem to spontaneously go up in flames  I _think_ that made sense. It did in my head at least. 

I still made myself feel better by saying that I must be a Ford GT40 (which was made specifically to win the 24 hrs of LeMans against Ferrari's win streak and succeeded for 4 years)  :rofl:


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## truetiger (Sep 15, 2013)

I think it's time you put your foot down and say _I can do this._ Unfortunately with your track record you're going to have to fix this sooner rather than later. As you've realized, most of your problem stems from confidence. Don't attempt an iv, start an iv. Don't over think it, its a simple procedure. On your next iv, don't think about it. By now you know the procedure, let your hands work without walking them through the procedure in your head. Once you've got that down, transfer that mentality to everything else that you should have mastered.


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## hogwiley (Sep 16, 2013)

At least you seem to be passionate about EMS. I'm actually wondering if I'm cut out to be a Paramedic for different reasons. I just don't care THAT much. I see posts like this, and see fellow students stressing out over an exam and talking about all the studying they've done, or going on and on about something in clinicals, as if they've memorized every second and go over it in their heads, or discussing other sources of information or books or flashcards they bought.

It makes me wonder if I'm really into it enough. So far it hasn't been an issue and I've done fine, but later on if it requires losing massive amounts of sleep and devoting my entire life to it, I'm not sure I'm willing to make the effort. If I do make a mistake and get chastised for it, as long as its not something important I'm over it pretty much instantly. I like to think its because I'm older than most other students, so I just cant get excited easily any more, but maybe this is going to be a liability. 

When I started my first EMT job I remember other new EMTs asking a ton of questions and literally calling their FTO after a shift to ask something, and I just didnt bother. It was one of the criticisms my FTO had of me, that I seemed a little too lax and unmotivated about the job, all I could think was come on, I could make almost as much money working at jiffy lube, how motivated do you expect me to be? I've had people act surprised when I told them I was going to Paramedic school for this reason, but here I am.


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## Akulahawk (Sep 16, 2013)

Hog, if you've got a decent education under your belt, Paramedic School just doesn't seem all that difficult. I found that to be the case. In some instances, I probably could have taught the material that we were being presented. To a pretty large degree, I'm finding that Nursing School is very similar in that regard. The basics are fairly easy for me as I'm not learning a whole lot of _new_ stuff. What I find challenging is not only the pathophys of the problems the patient has, but interrelating them.


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## Blue Medic (Sep 16, 2013)

Thanks for all the flames!  

I suppose I have come across as harsh, but so be it.  Was I supremely confident and certain of myself?  Absolutely not, however, I also wasn't paralyzed by fear.  Does it get easier?  Of course it does.  Regardless if you're a paramedic, a carpenter, an attorney, or work at McDonalds, the 1000th time you do something is always going to be easier than the first.  

Of course, from here, you have no clue if I'm actually even an EMT, or a medic with decades of experience who has trained hundreds of some of the finest providers.  However, if you're into taking anonymous advice, here's what I tell students all the time...

Confidence and demeanor are probably more important than technical skills and knowledge.  Appearance is everything.  It has been proven a thousand times that even if a physician makes an egregious error, if the patient _likes _them, it more often than now will prevent a law suit.  Now I'm not suggesting that litigation prevention is our primary mission... like I said in my previous post, our job is to save lives, despite the fact that 95% of what we see does not require life saving intervention.  Alas I regress...

Confidence needs to start from within.  Exude confidence, even if you're not sure what you're doing.  Hell, lord knows there have been enough times where I have been in my own mind, "holy crap... I have no f-word clue what is going on here."  But, my partner, and more importantly the patient, never knew that.  

Know the basics.  Be 100% rock solid on the basics, and take your confidence from that.  Then build your practice off of that.  Sure you'll be nervous; nervous is normal.  Lumps in your throat and chest pain are not.  IV #250 will be a lot more comfortable than #1 or even #10.  

Despite all the "sage" advice of the people flaming me and offering kind words, those words wont quell your mind when you try to sleep the first time you make an error; and it will happen.  Only you can decide if it's for you, not us.  If you will will sit at the station in fear that the tones drop for an unconscious ejection from a MVA, or an infant not breathing, then this may not be the right thing for you.  Do I want those things?  Absolutely not, but I know that if that person has any chance of a tomorrow, it's because I am there and confident in what I can do.  That, my good lady, is the choice only you can make.

Peace out, cub scouts...


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## Onceamedic (Nov 3, 2013)

Chase said:


> I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics _should_ be intelligent.



I know medics should be intelligent, but they are not.  The intelligent medics are targeted by the mouth breathers who run the show.  They are the heros after all, and understanding pathophysiology, diagnosing (horrors!) and looking at the big picture paints a target on your back.
You don't know the meaning of frustration until you've spent 5 years trying to work with room temperature IQs.

PS..  it's not my remark that degrades the profession - it's the people within it that determine whether the profession is degraded or elevated.


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## AmbalampsDriver1987 (May 13, 2015)

Hey there, AMS.  

Know this, the people that discourage you and talk **** about you instead of helping you are *******s.  They do not belong in the EMT world, because basic stuff like ECG leads are a sinch to teach.  Skills are easy to teach, it is the desire to teach and being a nice person that cannot be taught.  

I want you to understand that it's about your desire to help others that will make you good at what you do more than anything else, because all skills come with time, or a good teacher willing to show you how to do the stuff you aren't good at.  

I taught 3 week BLS interns how to put on 12 leads, write reports, take vitals, drive an ambulance, take blood sugar, give oxygen, and operate the lifepak all in 1 shift.  Now, you tell me, how did that happen?  Am I God?  No, I am not a jackass.

Are you a **** up?  No, you are a nice woman who was so innocent that she would cry because she raised some dude from the supine position, because he was saying he could not breath in the supine position!  You are what EMS needs! Show that level of compassion!  

Keep being who you are.  Trust yourself.  Build yourself up and don't tear yourself down.  

I would rather have a clumsy, self-conscious EMT student who pours their heart into helping people over a jackass who knows the skills any day of the week.  

You are cut out for this.  We need you.


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## AtlasFlyer (May 13, 2015)

Holy necropost, man...


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## Chimpie (May 13, 2015)

*Replying to old posts is fine as long as the content is relevant. 
*
If you think it's not relevant, "Report" the thread and we will look into it.


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## AtlasFlyer (May 14, 2015)

I did  though it was more about the user's name than anything else.... (that has been changed, thank you).


The "holy necropost" comment was really more an exclamation than anything. Like, whoa, this is an old thread.


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## joshrunkle35 (May 14, 2015)

I didn't have time to read everyone's responses...find a new clinical site.


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## Mufasa556 (May 14, 2015)

The resurrection and username combination got a decent laugh from me.  I'm not going to lie, UsernameModerated is a pretty solid name too. I'm disappointed I didn't think of it. 

From looking at the OPs profile, it looks like she made it through just fine. There's a lot of good advice in this thread. We all have had hard times starting out, but if you're passionate, stick to it, and work hard you'll make it through.


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## COmedic17 (May 14, 2015)

I think everyone is socially awkward until people become accustomed to them. 


I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I once had a partner who told me I reminded them of house (...from the TV show) but with a higher pitched voice and "more animated facial expressions". 
Hah. 

I feel like if my personality had a flavor, it would be a bacon wrapped jalapeño popper.....but the reality is it would probably be more like a spoonful of curry powder. 

Just be you and sooner or later people will accept it.... Reluctantly or not, they will accept it.


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## COmedic17 (May 14, 2015)

Side note- just realized how old this post was.


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## PotatoMedic (May 14, 2015)

Ummm bacon....


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## Woodtownemt (May 17, 2015)

Didn't know where to post, but after a fire year run in one of the most a**backwards system in 'merica. I herniated my vertebrae pinching my sciatic nerve. I have numbness/ weakness in my left leg creating a limp. I'm just not sure where to go from here. Goodbye rig. I'll miss those long night shift filled with shenanigans.


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## Woodtownemt (May 17, 2015)

Five year*


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## AmbalampsDriver1987 (May 18, 2015)

Chiropractor.


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