# Relationships in EMS



## EMTmichelle (May 22, 2012)

Hi everyone, I'm a new member of a squad. I'm a female in a mostly male dominated career. I feel that it wouldn't be unlikely if I were to start dating someone in my squad. I hear that that is the worst thing to do and I don't understand why. We are adults, if we break up, then we just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Also, I have a crush on my Probationary Officer and I think he has a crush on me but knows he can't do anything about it yet. Once I become certified EMT by the state, can him and I start dating? We are both adults in our early 20's, so I don't see what the big deal would be.


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## Martyn (May 22, 2012)

Ouch, a lot of companies/departments have policies in place against this sort of thing, be careful   :wub:


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## EMT John (May 22, 2012)

No matter what any of us say it sounds like you have your mind made up. It is honestly very rare that any good comes of this. I understand your both adults but when relationships and sex get involved then all rationality goes out the window and our primal instincts come out. 

I would read over your dept.'s polices and procedures very carefully before making anything of all this. If you don't follow them to a T you can really screw your and his career. Seen it way to many times. 

Personally my biggest concern would be are you going to be able to seperat your personal relationship from work relationship? There are a lot of factors that come into play with that, primarily safety.


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## bigbaldguy (May 22, 2012)

Generally it's a bad idea but if it's gonna happen and it always does make sure and discuss it with the other person as an adult and make it clear that if it doesn't work out then no hard feelings. This doesn't always work but in some cases it does. You may also have to speak with your human resources person if you want to keep the whole thing above board. Now all that said I have never personally see this kind of relationship work but I haven't seen very many relationships work in general.


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## DrParasite (May 22, 2012)

do not, i repeat, do not date within your agency.  it rarely ends well.

date a cop.  date a FF.  date an EMT from another agency.  date a dispatcher.  but do not, i repeat do not, date within your agency.

While many people will try to convince you not to do it, like many of us who were told the same thing and found our the hard way by ignoring the advice of people who had done it before, if you do, don't be surprised if it blows up in your face.


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## Sasha (May 22, 2012)

Four of our crews are engaged to their partners.

Sometimes it works.


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## EMT John (May 22, 2012)

Sasha said:


> Four of our crews are engaged to their partners.
> 
> Sometimes it works.



Wow... Are your crews apart of the love boat? That's pretty rare to have that. 

I'm not saying it won't work out and for your sake I hope it does. Best of luck.


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## Sasha (May 22, 2012)

EMT John said:


> Wow... Are your crews apart of the love boat? That's pretty rare to have that.
> 
> I'm not saying it won't work out and for your sake I hope it does. Best of luck.



Nope they just really click. We also have three pregnant women.

I swear this crap is in the water.


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## Handsome Robb (May 22, 2012)

We have quite a few people who are married or dating at the agency I work at. Some are in different departments, some are in the same, they rarely work on the same truck though. 

It can work as long as you are both adults about it. 

Don't try to hide it from your agency. Eventually someone will find out and if you didn't go through the proper channels that could end well, especially if they have a policy about it and most do.


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## fast65 (May 22, 2012)

I used to have a supervisor who was married to my partner, and even though he wasn't her supervisor, she still called him yelling about things that upset her during the workday...seemed to cause quite a bit of conflict among the company. That being said, I do know of another married couple who I work with that have no problems keeping their married life separate from their work life, you just have to be careful.


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## DrParasite (May 22, 2012)

Sasha said:


> Nope they just really click. We also have three pregnant women.


Probably because they are sharing the same toilet seat... I hear that happens, when one uses it, they get pregnant and then it spreads.

also, are the three pregnant women 3 out of 4 of the engaged couples?


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## Sasha (May 22, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> Probably because they are sharing the same toilet seat... I hear that happens, when one uses it, they get pregnant and then it spreads.
> 
> also, are the three pregnant women 3 out of 4 of the engaged couples?



One of them is.


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## Hunter (May 22, 2012)

We have a couple who met in our agency are now engaged, another who both used to be medics and are married. That being said we also USED to have a couple who went through a pretty rough break up and unfortunately are no longer our co workers.


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## Akulahawk (May 22, 2012)

My advice is to NOT date within the company. While sometimes it works, usually it doesn't and if one part of the couple is in a supervisory role... some very bad things can come out of that relationship. If/when the relationship ends, it can become very, very uncomfortable for both people. If the person you're crushing on is, in effect, your preceptor, that can have some very dangerous (to your cert) issues that can pop-up. You or your preceptor do NOT want to be put under a microscope because you might have gotten a pass on your field time that you might not otherwise have gotten simply because of some kind of "favor" if you know what I mean...

While it does work sometimes, Just Don't Do It. 

If you have serial relationships... that can look worse and you don't want _that _reputation.


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## Tigger (May 22, 2012)

There are almost no women within three years of me at the ambulance company I work at, so that's out.

With the sports medicine job it's an unspoken rule to not be involved with any coworkers and it's generally followed. We are also prohibited from entering into a relationship with any athlete on the team we are assigned to, which is fine since I work for men's hockey. That's not great for my female corworkers though, and people have been fired or demoted in the past for failure to follow this. 

Personally I spend too much time at work and I would not want to ruin that time by having to deal with the result of a bad breakup  every day.


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## Pavehawk (May 22, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> do not, i repeat, do not date within your agency.  it rarely ends well.



I second this..I started dating a gal I worked with and now have been stuck with her for 30 years  hehehehe

Seriously though the pros and cons can be weighed for days and debated for longer, in the end follow your department policy, if any, and your use you best jundgement. Good luck.


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## britmedic (May 22, 2012)

We have a large service over here. Relationships, marriages and break ups are rife. It makes your relationship very public which in turn puts it under a constant microscope. This puts a lot of strain on you. I've seen some happy relationships but not many. I have seen lots and lots of breakups and I have to say that they rarely end well.


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## abckidsmom (May 22, 2012)

I married mine. Twelve years and 5 kids later, I'm fairly satisfied. 

Take this as fair warning:  once you start the second relationship, you are labeled. It is not pretty, to be boxed into the role of being "that girl".


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## Milla3P (May 22, 2012)

I work at 3 agencies with my fiancée, a lot of the time we're partners. We're actually getting married in 2 days, but we've been friends for over 10 years and she got in the field because she was interested in what I did about 3 years ago. Now she's a better medic than I am (not like that's hard). 

BUT I've seen more than enough of these relationships go bad. What's worse is the guy I saw leave his wife for his partner only to have the girl go back to her old boyfriend as the guy not have a wife. 

Don't date your FTO just because he's cute, you don't know his reputation. Excuse the expression, but there are a lot of guys who jump on the fresh "sweet young thing" who walk through the door. It could put a bad taste in your mouth of the entire field. 

Also, beware of relationship advice off the Internet.


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## medichopeful (May 22, 2012)

I met my girlfriend in EMT class, and we worked together a few times with my University EMS club, and let me say this: don't do it or get involved with coworkers!


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## mycrofft (May 22, 2012)

Generally it's not best to date or marry a co-worker.

Having a crush...you will have plenty of crushes. Crushes are like salsa, they liven things up, but you don't take a spoon and start slurping it down.

It is a very poor idea, especially while he is responsible for your employment. You will never know how good or bad you really are, he will be under suspicions of either firing you or keeping you based on the temperature of your relationship, and it will breed discontent and jealousy among other workers. It is a very poor idea for him too, as it throws open the door for sexual harassment issues.

Give it a year. Find someone who is not engaged in police or fire for reinforcement of the bigger picture, not narrowly focussed upon life death dirtbags and co-workers.


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## saskgirl (May 22, 2012)

My husband and I are co-workers. We started dating, I broke up with him as I saw it was a bad idea that co-workers date, it got real ugly for about a year and a half and somehow through it all we ended up back together and within 8 months we were married.
We aren't always on call together and we make sure we still do some seperate activites, but I find that of all my partners he and I work best together and always have even in the ugly period. 
I guess it depends on the 2 people...


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## the_negro_puppy (May 22, 2012)

Don't come a knockin' when the Ambulance is a rockin' :lol:


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## 46Young (May 22, 2012)

IMO, relationships and the workplace do not mix. A good department will have policies in place that seperate the involved parties. In my county, anyone who's dating cannot work in the same battalion as their partner if they work on the same shift. 

When a couple is going through a time of conflict with each other, it can easily migrate into the workplace, particularly if they've split up. Also, if someone has a workplace issue with one of the parties, then their partner may also get involved where it should be none of their business. The issues with nepotism are obvious as well. In several different departments, I've seen wives and girlfriends of supervisors get preferential treatment, choice assignments, jumping others in line for their pick of schedule, etc. There's too much drama involved with dating public service co-workers, drama that other members of service should not be made to bear witness to.

I'll say what others have said - if you have a thing for someone in uniform, then marry a cop or a firefighter. They have a more stable career, typically with better benefits and career advancement opportunities than a relatively dead-end job like EMS does. You know the hours we keep, working extended schedules and a lot of OT just to have a decent income. A cop or a FF with a spouse that's a medic or a nurse is ideal, since they can work per diem around childcare and still earn a decent check.

Edit: early on, when you're initially infatuated with the person, you may want to be with them as much as possible, so seeing them at work can seem desireable at first. But, pretty soon that wears off, and you'll want your space. If you get stuck with someone who is jealous and insecure, you'll have to deal with them checking up on you, knowing about every person you talk to at work and such. When it gets real bad, you'll have to explain why you got off at 2315 hrs, but didn't answer your phone for 1/2 hour afterward, why you didn't go right home, etc. You can potentially look forward to all that teeny bopper immature nonsense, or maybe you'll do that to your partner instead, IDK.


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## DesertMedic66 (May 22, 2012)

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. If you break up work can become hostile or awkward. And I second what everyone else said. Check your company's policies. For my company you can date or be married to a co-worker but you will not work on the same unit as them, you can not date a supervisor.


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## Impulse (May 22, 2012)

Dating a co-worker is a bad idea, regardless of what profession.


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## epipusher (May 22, 2012)

My wife of over 6 years now was my emt partner. We worked together for about 3 years while married. She is an RN now, but it worked out just fine for us.


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## MonkeySquasher (May 22, 2012)

Ever heard the terms, 'don't crap where you eat', or 'don't fish off the company pier'?  Same principle applies.  I know of a few couples that have worked out, but on the whole, it seems to be determined by the two people involved, and generally ends poorly for all involved.  Because when you date them, if they have ex's within the company, it complicates things more.  Then if you have ex's in the company...  It snowballs.

MY advice is, if you really do like this guy, then don't date him yet.  Be friends, maybe even partners, for awhile.  Make SURE that this will work, before it even starts.  Like others have said, you only get to date once within the company, that's your freebee.  Every time after that, you become more and more labeled.  

There's plenty of people from plenty of places that you are capable of dating, but there's only one place you get your paycheck from.  Don't ever let one jeopardize the other.


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## mycrofft (May 23, 2012)

Monkey, that was delicately put!


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## 281mustang (May 23, 2012)

I'm surprised to hear how many have reported positive experiences.

I'll still choose to stick to the 'don't stick your pen in company ink' rule, personally.


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## workworkwork (May 23, 2012)

apparently the company i work for is famous for people hooking up, and tying the knot.

i was hanging out with a girl for a little while, but only because i knew she was moving to the other side of the globe in two months. It was kind of awkward though, we never defined anything but she told a lot of people we were dating and people I had never even met would ask me every now and then "ohh hows 'so and so?' " she didn't have the greatest rep and it had its effects when people dealt with me.

if something ends badly I think it will create a negative atmosphere in any job, though when push comes to shove if both of you know what your doing, in an emergent situation feelings might be pushed aside easier than you'd think.

that being said, if anyone dates around their job too much, you might be looked at as sleazy and or easy. <_<


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## TatuICU (May 23, 2012)

There are exceptions to every rule but generally speaking, it is a horrific idea.  Do you really want to date someone f*cked up enough to do this for a living?


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## akflightmedic (May 23, 2012)

Never eat where you poop   or poop where you eat.


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