# Funny mistakes in patient charts



## willbeflight (Oct 31, 2009)

1. "Bleeding began in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."

2. "Patient came in today complaining of chronic vaginal affection."

3. "Since she can't conceive I've sent her to a futility expert."

4. "Surgery will be performed under General Anastasia."

5. "I saw your patient yesterday, who's still under our car for physical therapy."

6. "I've asked him to call and let me know who he's feeling this week."

7. "There was some concern about financial matters, but the patient was told she could apply for pubic assistance."

8. "After her last child she had her tubs tied."

9. "Infection resulted after she pimped a few popples."

10. "Rectal exam reveals normal-size thyroid."

11. "Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."

12. "Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."

13. "When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room."

14. "While she was in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home."

15. "Prior to surgery she was prepped and raped in the usual fashion."

16. "He's rather sedentary and drives a bust all day."

17. "This chubby youngster needs a slim adult to look up to as a role model."

18. "Both her old and new noses have been placed in our album."

19. "I keep reassuring her that her memory will improve, but again today she forgot to pay her bill."

20. "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."

21. "I told her that for the time being she'll have to bare with me."

22. "His prognosis was poor, having a massive cerebral hemorrhoid."

23. "He's a ten month old male who called on the day of admission to complain that his asthma was worse and he still has left otitis media."

24. "Patient is to remain plastered for the next 6 to 8 weeks."

25. "She got my instructions messed up and cut out all exercise and increased her sweets."

26. "Following the exam of her breasts we discussed the impending nasal surgery."

:wacko::wacko:


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## willbeflight (Oct 31, 2009)

*Sorry, I just had to post this one*

A man fell asleep on the beach. He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital. 
His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. 

Anything that touched his legs caused agony. The lead on the medical staff at the naval hospital, that night, was a Chief Corpsman, in the emergency room. 

The Chief checked him out and then prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water, electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.

Rather astounded, the 3rd class corpsman, who was with the Chief inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" 

The Chief replied, "It'll keep the sheet off his legs."


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## firecoins (Oct 31, 2009)

willbeflight said:


> 11. "Social history reveals this 1 year old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed."
> 
> 12. "Patient called and left word that he had expired last week."
> 
> ...



I like these ones best


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## flhtci01 (Oct 31, 2009)

Years ago, had a ski patroller wrap an injury with Kerlix.  

His report contained the statement,  "I raped her on the hill and took her to the patrol room where I re-examined her injury and re-raped her." 

I use this as an example of the importance of correct spelling in reports.


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## willbeflight (Oct 31, 2009)

flhtci01 said:


> Years ago, had a ski patroller wrap an injury with Kerlix.
> 
> His report contained the statement,  "I raped her on the hill and took her to the patrol room where I re-examined her injury and re-raped her."
> 
> I use this as an example of the importance of correct spelling in reports.




That is really funny!


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## Mountain Res-Q (Oct 31, 2009)

willbeflight said:


> 20. "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized."



Under the Big Top?  :unsure:



flhtci01 said:


> His report contained the statement,  "I raped her on the hill and took her to the patrol room where I re-examined her injury and re-raped her."
> 
> I use this as an example of the importance of correct spelling in reports.



Are you sure this was a spelling error... or an admission of guilt over what will be yet another criminal complaint against an EMT...  :glare:

That is why I make it a point that all paperwork (PCRs and IRs) produced by any of my people at the park will be reviewed by myself before it gets filled or submitted up the food chain.  Shockingly enough, I find a lot of errors that need to be corrected to be spelled correct or to just make sense...  :wacko:


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## mycrofft (Nov 1, 2009)

*Spell check would pass the word "raped".*

In fact, since Autocorrect may have been involved, the original may have been "rapped"...BAD machine! BAD!

I ran across one today where the MD's handwritten order for "Shower daily" got turned into "Shave lower back and buttocks daily".  Not bloody likely I'm going to do that!


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## medichopeful (Nov 1, 2009)

Are these for real? h34r:


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## mycrofft (Nov 1, 2009)

*Mine was. Getting it D/C'ed tomrrow.*

ANd to quote the Baron von Munchausen:
"Vas YOU dere, Charlie, hmmmmmm?".


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## willbeflight (Nov 1, 2009)

medichopeful said:


> Are these for real? h34r:



absolutly!  I promise.  LOL


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## EMTCLM (Nov 3, 2009)

Ahahahhahahaa, hilarious for us, but I bet the people who wrote this stuff got hell for it. Whatever. It's still funny


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## kittaypie (Nov 5, 2009)

i was laughing so hard, especially with the circus-sized... my stomach hurts like hell now. best laugh i've had in a while.


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## kd7emt (Nov 6, 2009)

Those tickled me a bit.  I loved the non-drinking/smoking unemployed infant.  Awesome.


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## lightsandsirens5 (Nov 7, 2009)

flhtci01 said:


> Years ago, had a ski patroller wrap an injury with Kerlix.
> 
> His report contained the statement, "I raped her on the hill and took her to the patrol room where I re-examined her injury and re-raped her."
> 
> I use this as an example of the importance of correct spelling in reports.


 
Oh my word! That is great. I needed all of those after my darn ILS test!


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 19, 2009)

Too funny !  Thanks  for  sharing !


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## spiffy (Jan 12, 2010)

I think I'll be showing this to my teachers in class so they can show the importance of spelling in the future.. raped her on the hill... LMAO


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## Captn' Tuddle (Jan 12, 2010)

I didn't see this but I heard about it. 
A medical director got in a car accident, emt's come and help him, yadda yadda. Anyway, afterwards he looked at the documentation of the call and it was written that there was proper dialation in both eyes - here's the catch, he only had one eye, the other was glass. Lets just say that the EMT that did the report was in a load of trouble...


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## doctorfodder (Jan 15, 2010)

best laugh I've had in a while. 

I can't wait for more.


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## fire_911medic (Jan 16, 2010)

A prior service I worked for, being the progressive place it was, was one of the first to try to go paperless.  All excited they ordered multiple Hammerheads (like what UPS uses).  Being one of the first, they didn't have the keyboards, but they assured us we could just write in what we wanted for our narrative and to just "write" what we wanted.  Well, after submitting in reports similar to the following, reports were to be proof read before submitting to me to be assessed for QA/QI.  Have to admit - the first two weeks were quite amusing :

Narrative 1 :  Pt was picked up at residence and transported to the monkey c ock center (where is that?)...

Narrative 2 :  Pt stated she received the bruise on her eye when her husband s hit on her face (hmmm, okay then !)

Narrative 3 :  Pt states they received back strain 2 days ago while humping (ya just never know?)

Narrative 4 :  Pt was spider raped and fully embroiled (ummm wow)

I could go on and on, but after several problems, we finally got the keyboards and better software !  But it was funny while it lasted !


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## TgerFoxMark (Jan 17, 2010)

ROFL at the post with monkey c ock center...
I have seen similar with speech to text units. always good for a laugh.
and for more examples of transcription errors... put the news on with captions...


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