# Firefighter Jokes



## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news, though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose.

There had been a major tragedy at their local fire department. A large explosion had killed a firefighter, a captain and the chief.

Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the brains. The firefighter's brain was $10,000, the captain's brain was $50,000 and the chief's brain was a MILLION DOLLARS ! Curious, she asked why the chief's brain was so much more expensive. The reply......you see the chief's brain has never been used!!!!


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons.
Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy,"I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest." After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So they were driving down the road and they came around this curb and wrecked.
The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened. The police asked him, "are either of them showing any life signs?"
The farmer said, "Well, that first one was 'til I turned his head around the right way."


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

Chief
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomative
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God.

Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God.

Assistant Deputy Chief
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved.

Platoon Chief
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomative
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is ocassionally addressed by God.

District Chief
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomative
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

Captain
Runs into buildings
Reconizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can't stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls.

Senior Man
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at th choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself.

Firefighter
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
HE IS GOD!!!!!


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the Tri-COP-Scope Method:

1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous

2. Officer unconscious/Car running: Toxic fumes.

3. Officer unconscious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical

4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical.

5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable.


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing to the scene. 
You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper. 
Your firehouse has wheels. 
Some of your firefighters respond in horse and buggies. 
You've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse. 
Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire getting drunk. 
You've ever been toned out on an outhouse fire. 
That outhouse fire was with entrapment. 
You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their land. 
Your personal vehicle has more blue lights on it than your house has in it. 
You've ever walked through a Christmas display and came up with more than one new ideas for a light scheme for your truck. 
Your rescue truck can smoke the tires. 
Your department's name is misspelled on the equipment. 
Dispatch can't mention your companies name with out laughing. 
The local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarrassed them last time. 
You've ever referred to a light bar as sweet. 
Your defibrillator consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery and a fish finder. 
You've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper. 
Your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire. 
Your pumper smokes more than the house fire. 
You've ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire. 
The primary color of your company engines is "bondo". 
Your new $500,000.00 ladder truck was custom ordered with a spit cup holder. 
The Chief's car has a rag for a gas cap. 
If your apparatus has NASCAR driver numbers on them. 
Some of your 5" hard hose was converted into a fly fishing rod holder. 
Before your apparatus leaves the station on a call, the senior officer says, "Gentlemen, start your engines. 
The Assistant Chief's hunting dogs cost more than all the apparatus combined. 
Fire fighters punishment consist of taking away their chewing tobacco. 
Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted INSIDE the cab. 
You return from a fire with more junk than you responded with. 
Your job shirts are "3X-Large" but should be "5X-Large".


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

1. Your two way radio transmissions all begin with "Breaker, Breaker"

2. You have ever been dispatched to a working "cow" fire

3. You ever put out a cow chip fire

4. Your PASS alarm goes "Yeee Haw"

5. Your dispatch center ever said "Y'all can't miss it"

6. You used your rescue air bags as furniture at the fire station

7. You refill your air bottles at the local gas station "Free Air" hose

8. Your department has a Rescue Bubba and a Rescue Cow for training 

9. You only wash down the floor in the station to "keep the dust down"

10. Your radio call signal is "Wheee doggies"

11. You have to mark the department out of service two weeks during deer season and every Sunday during the Winston Cup Race

12. You bought a computer so you could get NASCAR Online on the Internet

13. You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours

14. Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun...and a member won it each time

15. You borrowed the department's quick dump tank so you could have a neighborhood pool party

16. Your safety officer is the person who broke his arm at the last house fire

17. Your rehab consists of a cold beer and a pack of "nabs"

18. Your last serious fire was your fire department BBQ

19. You used your "good" fire hose as a bumper on your boat dock

20. You have a shotgun rack in the back of your fire truck...and got two bucks on your last call

21. Your Hurst tool is on loan to the local body shop

22. You use a hanging noose knot for all your rescue operations because it's real adjustable

23. You don't allow a person to join the department unless they own a pickup

24. You wore a hole in your fire boots...while wearing them at your full time job

25. You keep 2 packs of "Red Man" in your turnout gear for "mergencies"

26. Your departments brush truck doubles as your hunting truck

27. You voted against the last person for chief because he was a Gordon fan

28. You painted your new rescue truck to look like Earnhardt's race car

29. You borrowed the fire truck to use the spotlights for deer hunting

30. The directions to your last house fire was "Go down past the last house you burnt up"...and you know exactly which house they are talking about

31. You ever went diving in a swimming pool with your SCBA equipment...just to see how it would work

32. You must take the battery out of your tractor to put in the fire truck before you go on calls

33. Your preacher borrows your PASS alarms each Sunday for church to keep the congregation awake

34. You consider "2 in and 2 out" to be two guys in the cab and two on the tailboard of the truck

35. The last girl you kissed was named Resci-Annie and you enjoyed it so much you are thinking seriously about asking her out.


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

Whacker (noun): Any EMT, Firefighter, Rescue Worker who enjoys his job simply for the pleasure of: 
A. Hearing their own voice on the radio 
B. Using lights and sirens on the ambulance/fire truck
C. Using lights and sirens on their personal vehicle 
D. A life time subscription to Galls because of the sheer amount of stuff ordered from them
E. Having more stuff on their work belt then Batman
F. Only showing up (whether they were dispatched or not) for the 'good calls'(car rollovers, structure fires, High angle rescues)
G. once in while having patient contact
H. Wearing anything that has their fire company on it so they can get 50% off in stores or food 
I. Wearing their Class A uniforms to parades and to public events
J. Driving around with a bumper sticker that says... "My wife said ‘if I go to the fire house one more time I'm going to leave you'...boy I'm going to miss her..."
K. Taking their lunch break and going to the fire house
J. Calling their favorite Rig or engine "my baby"
L. Sneaking out of their house at 2:30 in the morning so they can go wax their "BABY"
M. Having pictures at work of their "BABY" and keeping the pictures of their real children at home
N. Having at least one room full of Fire and EMS stuff
O. When on vacation visiting the local Fire and EMS departments


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## Wingnut (Jul 25, 2005)

:lol:  :lol: LMFAO

Hilarious, Love em all


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 25, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Wingnut_@Jul 25 2005, 10:37 PM
> * :lol:  :lol: LMFAO
> 
> Hilarious, Love em all *


 That was the plan.


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## Jon (Jul 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by TTLWHKR_@Jul 25 2005, 11:23 PM
> * Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing to the scene.
> You have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
> Your firehouse has wheels.
> ...





> *Your new $500,000.00 ladder truck was custom ordered with a spit cup holder. *


Our squads rig have this...


> *Fire fighters punishment consist of taking away their chewing tobacco.
> Your apparatus has carbon monoxide detectors mounted INSIDE the cab.
> You return from a fire with more junk than you responded with. *


I love them


> *13. You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours*


They don't count???


> *27. You voted against the last person for chief because he was a Gordon fan
> 28. You painted your new rescue truck to look like Earnhardt's race car*


We have two of those guys on our paid staff


> *35. The last girl you kissed was named Resci-Annie and you enjoyed it so much you are thinking seriously about asking her out.*


This isn't normal or ok????


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by MedicStudentJon_@Jul 25 2005, 11:49 PM
> *
> 
> 
> ...


 As long as you only gave it m2m.  :blink:


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## rescuecpt (Jul 26, 2005)

:blink:


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## Jon (Jul 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by TTLWHKR+Jul 26 2005, 01:50 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>*QUOTE* (TTLWHKR @ Jul 26 2005, 01:50 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-MedicStudentJon_@Jul 25 2005, 11:49 PM
> *
> 
> 
> ...


As long as you only gave it m2m.  :blink: [/b][/quote]
 is it cool if I varied my technique???


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## MedicPrincess (Jul 26, 2005)

:lol:  :lol:  :lol: 

I just got the craziest image flash in my head...

it was of a dayroom, in some FD in the country.  The lights have been turned down low.  There is a table set with candles, flowers and looks like dinner for 2.

Propped up in one chair the Resci-Annie in one chair, looking slightly pale.

In walks Jon.  Trying to look all cool and confident in his brand new Paramedic Gear, hair slicked back, creepy smile on his face.

Ok...I could actually conitue this story.  But I don't want to give  away the details of the best date baby medic has had all year


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## Jon (Jul 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by EMTPrincess_@Jul 26 2005, 03:09 PM
> * :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
> 
> I just got the craziest image flash in my head...
> ...


 you are mean........


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## TTLWHKR (Jul 26, 2005)

> _Originally posted by EMTPrincess_@Jul 26 2005, 02:09 PM
> * :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
> 
> I just got the craziest image flash in my head...
> ...


 Now that's funny!


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