# emt's on a fire path: girlfriend ultimatum



## twilightsamurai (Aug 14, 2009)

First time poster here, don't really know who else to ask about this.  

So, I'm currently employed as an EMT and am moving towards a career in fire.  I just completed a fire academy a couple months ago.  I met my girlfriend 6 months ago, right before I started academy.  

In the beginning of the relationship, she had mentioned that she thought firefighting was pretty dangerous and found it a very unusual career choice.  I kind of dismissed that and figured it wasn't a big deal.  Ever since then, she has brought it up from time to time saying it bothers her and she thinks it might be a problem if we ever wanted to settle down and have a life together.  Her parents don't approve of it as well, which adds even more pressure.  I've tried talking to her, and explaining to her that although it is dangerous, its not like the movies, we have safety protocols, etc etc, but she won't change her mind.  She's convinced that its just the most dangerous job in the world and can't see a future with somebody in that field.  The relationship is pretty serious, and we've dealt with it pretty much by ignoring it.  But she brings it up more often nowadays, especially since I've just recently been employed as an EMT.  She thinks even being an EMT is dangerous work, and she seems to be unable to ignore it much longer.  

So... what do I do?  Have any of you guys ever had to deal with this situation as an EMT, a FF, or as somebody aspiring to be one?  I don't want to break up with her as I do enjoy being with her and feel strongly towards her.  But I can't give up this career path either.  Its as much a part of me as our relationship.

tldnr; gf doesn't like the fact I want to be a ff.  what should I do?


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## villagegirl127 (Aug 14, 2009)

Do you really want to be involved with a person who tries to tell you what to do for your career??  Trust me with two divorces behind me I know this for a fact: if you don't love your significant other unconditionally (that includes career, hobbies, letting the person be who they really are etc.) than the relationship is doomed...


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## Dominion (Aug 14, 2009)

Feels like a troll but here goes.  I've met quite a few people in the last few years who were in bad marriages because of the job.  Don't go down that route.  As much as you might be attached to her and feel about her, it will be better in the long run for you to break it off.  If this is the career you want to do and persue for the rest of your life then you need to find someone who isn't going to complain about it the entire time and want to you become a desk jockey.  

Additionally it sounds a bit morel ike maybe she wants more stability/income into her life.  Maybe she realizes that these types of jobs don't pay very well and wants to be more comfortable.

Step back and tell her that "this is my career and you can either work with me on it or we're going to have to end the relationship".  

Don't become another divorce statistic in this country where people can't seem to stay married longer than a few months.  (Ok this assumes you live in the US...which may not be the case)


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## Wee-EMT (Aug 14, 2009)

I'm sort of in the same situation. I want to start fire training, but my fiancé is a little nervous about it...I think he doesn't like the thought of me being in a 'man' job. Not because I'll be one of the few females, but for the fact that he wants the rough dirty job and I should just stay in the medical field. Just a pride thing....But I still plan on doing it.

But anyways....any ultimatum in a relationship is never good. Especially if it involves your future career choice. If it is something you really want to do, do it. It’s your life. It’s still early in the relationship, if she’s giving you an ultimatum on this, there will be way more in the future! 

Every career can be dangerous. Getting all your fire certs will open up so many more doors for you.


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## rjddvm (Aug 14, 2009)

If she is saying these things, and feeling these things, and you are really serious about a fire career, then she is not the one for you.  It will only get worse as your relationship progresses, and if you have kids someday, she and her parents will lay on the guilt even more.

You are better off ending the relationship now.  You can find a woman who will support your career choice, and she can find a man whose career does not scare her, and you will both have a better chance at being happy.


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## OklaEMT (Aug 14, 2009)

I agree with most of what everyone has already mentioned. The relationship will never work if she is worried about your job, or if you give up what you want to do to be with her. 

If your service that you work for allows ride alongs, you should bring her along for a couple of rides. Let her "experience" the job for herself. This may open her eyes to the fact it really isn't what you see on T.V. Hopefully, that will ease her mind. 

Good luck!


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## Sasha (Aug 14, 2009)

Are you actually asking a bunch of strangers if you should break up with your girlfriend?


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 14, 2009)

Forget riding the shiny red truck.  You need to seize any opportunity for happiness you can because they are few and far between.  What's more important to you, a wife and maybe children one day?  Or getting to play hero?  Stick to EMS, it's a noble enough calling on its own.

Unless you're just doing EMS to land a firefighting gig, in which case get out of my profession and I really don't care what you do afterward.

Not that I care now.


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## PotatoMedic (Aug 14, 2009)

Troll or not I'll play.  First off find out why she does not want you to be a firefighter.  Is it because she is afraid you will get hurt and die or just that she does not want you to be a firefighter?  If it is the later of the two dump her then and there and walk away, no regrets.  Now if she is concerned that it will be hard to have a family then she is crazy.  Most of the firefighters I know have families and say that the schedule is the best for families, that they get to spend "a crap load of time with my family."

All in all.  Just get rid of her.  You never want to be in a relationship where one person tries to control who the other is.  It is not healthy and you may regret not becoming a firefighter (or insert your dream job here) your entire life.


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## Shishkabob (Aug 14, 2009)

I'm assuming your early 20's, correct?  You've been with her for 6 months and she's already telling you what you can and cannot do with your life.


She's taking it a bit quick, isn't she?


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## twilightsamurai (Aug 14, 2009)

I was just asking for a little perspective on the subject.  Same reason I'd ask any of my friends for advice.  Just thought the advice here would be a little more focused with everybody here being involved in EMS.


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## daedalus (Aug 14, 2009)

I find it strange that your girlfriend and her parents look down on an honorable career choice. If she keeps buying into this idea that she will not be able to settle down with you just because you are a firefighter, she is an idiot. Move on.


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 14, 2009)

It is not really not about her or your choice of career. In reality it is about you. Your choices. The type of person you are, the decisions and actions you make. What type of person you are going to be and what limitations and restrictions to be what allowances you will forgo. 

Even posting here shows some immaturity as not knowing about yourself yet. If this person was really important to you would not be asking on a site of what to do or even have to make a decision. The other end of the spectrum is if you were really important to that person, you as well would not have to be making a decision. 

Maturity comes in many forms. It develops with age and life experiences. What one might do or say maybe completely different later on in life. 

I believe you have many things to consider other than just getting into a deep relationship at this time. You need to learn and understand yourself much better before sharing with another. Then and only then, you will know whom you will be attracted to as they will want to share your life and experiences as you will theirs. 

R/r 911


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## 46Young (Aug 14, 2009)

Consider that you may be miserable for life if you end up with someone as controoling as your GF. Consider also that you may harbor resentment towards her in later years if you give up joining the fire service, if that's really what you want. Consider that a partner's faults will magnify tenfold after tying the knot. Consider that if you cave in now, that will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Relationships are about compromise, among other things, not following ultimatums.


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## twilightsamurai (Aug 14, 2009)

Ridryder911 said:


> It is not really not about her or your choice of career. In reality it is about you. Your choices. The type of person you are, the decisions and actions you make. What type of person you are going to be and what limitations and restrictions to be what allowances you will forgo.
> 
> Even posting here shows some immaturity as not knowing about yourself yet. If this person was really important to you would not be asking on a site of what to do or even have to make a decision. The other end of the spectrum is if you were really important to that person, you as well would not have to be making a decision.
> 
> ...



When I saw your avatar and read your reply, in my head I imagined Dr. Cox saying it to me.  Well, I think you're right.  I know I'm immature when it comes to relationships, how to maintain one, and how to balance my professional and personal life at this point.  Which is probably why I felt the need to have my intuitions either denied or confirmed by others in similar situations or who have more life experience than myself in general.  All my biggest learning experiences in life seem to have been preceded with loss or pain, and I'd hope to be able to grow positively in a situation rather than having to learn from "mistakes" after the fact.  Well, we're gonna have a talk about it tonight and see where it goes from there.


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## Guardian (Aug 14, 2009)

How good looking is this woman on a scale of 1-10?


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## twilightsamurai (Aug 14, 2009)

daedalus said:


> I find it strange that your girlfriend and her parents look down on an honorable career choice. If she keeps buying into this idea that she will not be able to settle down with you just because you are a firefighter, she is an idiot. Move on.



for a little more perspective on the situation, she and her parents are asian, and her parents are quite traditional.  its pretty customary to look down on what they perceive as blue collar or manual labor type jobs.  And I dont think public safety employees are as highly regarded in China or Taiwan as they are here, which is where she is originally from.  Especially police, which are notoriously corrupt over there.

edit: I'm located in the Los Angeles area, CA, USA


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## EMT11KDL (Aug 14, 2009)

I was in the same situation a few months back.  I had been with my ex for little over 3 years and I was getting close to completely settling down with her.  For the last year of the relationship she became a little uneasy about my profession.  And she would worry and every time i left for work she would txt me almost my whole shift and call the station around 2030 to make sure I was ok.  and if I didn't respond to a txt she would start freaking out thinking I was dead or something.  Finally about a month half ago, i told her its either you deal with me being in this profession and be completely supportive of it, or I am walking away and ending the relationship.  I ended up ending it cause she didn't want me doing this job.  She actually wanted me to change professions.  

That was my experience, but the best advice I can give you is, sit down and talk to her, don't ignore it anymore.

Best of Luck..


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## spisco85 (Aug 14, 2009)

What I've learned about relationships in the handful I've had is that being happy with yourself first is huge. If you can't be happy then the relationship will never work. If your gf told you she wanted to be something you didn't want her to do what would you say? If you find yourself supporting her more than she is supporting you its time for you to end it before you are unhappy in your job.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 14, 2009)

46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.  I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook.  That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone.  I say forget firefighting.  I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut.  Take whatever chance for happiness you get.  Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.


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## oneluv79 (Aug 14, 2009)

DUMP HER! and if her/parents house catches on fire let it burn.....:blush:....But seriously she IS NOT THE ONE especically if she not willing to understand or accept that a career in EMS/FIRE is your calling and be your support, let her go now before two kids, a house and a dog become apart of the mix....


oneluv79


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## villagegirl127 (Aug 14, 2009)

Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.
***********
I disagree with this statement...I have been much happier alone then in a relationship that isn't healthy.


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## medic417 (Aug 14, 2009)

It's just a stupid job, it is not a calling, it is not some great hero maker, it's a low paying job.  If you truly love her you will find another job, one that actually will support a family and stay with her.  If she is just a place of comfort then do her a favor and move on.


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> 46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.  I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook.  That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone.  I say forget firefighting.  I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut.  Take whatever chance for happiness you get.  Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.



I disagree. One has to be happy with themselves to ever be happy with another. If one ever stayed in a relationship and ignored their own wishes for their own future, then hostility, anger and regrets will form. Yes, one can ignore it and go on with life; yet every time there was an incident the "what ifs" would form. 

Low paying job to being a medical research scientist to cardiologist making millions... it does not matter. That is not the importance here. Again, maturity and wisdom. 

Sure compromise is a HUGE part of any relationship, but this is different from asking where to eat, style of clothes or lifestyle patterns rather this is one's chosen career and possible lifetime profession. 

Again, one has to be happy to what they see in the mirror before they should see themselves with anyone else. 

R/r 911


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## Summit (Aug 14, 2009)

She's not asking to compromise on the car model, where to go on vacation, or whether the kitchen will be gas or electric. She wants to change YOU and your entire professional life. You didn't suddenly decide to enlist in the marines after being in a 5 year relationship with her while working an office job. She knew who you were at the start and she has wanted to change you the entire time.

Let her go find a guy who wants to be a cubicle jockey 9-5er and a couch potato the rest of the time... assuming Lumberg didn't ask him to come in on Saturday. Oh yeah, and if he could come in on Sunday too, that would be great. He'll never be in any danger until he needs you to respond because he AMI'd after a midnight cheezypoof  binge session.

Let her mull that future over. Then she can figure out if she loves who you are or loves who she (and her parents) want to make you into.


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 14, 2009)

Tell her thats what you want to do and learn to live with it or hit the road, dont ever change what you want to do for someone else.


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.



Which would you rather be? Alone or be lonely and be with someone? I much rather be alone that be "alone" with someone. One cannot have a healthy relationship until they find that they are never alone. A person can never bring "happiness" to anyone. It's a myth and why there is so many troubled relationships with non-realistic expectations. Why so extra marital relationships develop assuming that "someone" is going to fix their needs there are too many movies and fairy tales assuming one is going to bring happiness or joy. 


Personally, I'm alone and yes get lonely at times but much rather be by myself than in any poor relationship. Life is too short to be unhappy and cause unhappiness to others. Again, one has to be content with themselves before they can be with others. 

R/r 911


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 14, 2009)

villagegirl127 said:


> Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.
> ***********
> I disagree with this statement...I have been much happier alone then in a relationship that isn't healthy.



Pretty desperate are we?


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## Summit (Aug 14, 2009)

I'll reiterate what Rid said. To be lonely when with your closest other is the greatest of all loneliness.


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## Level1pedstech (Aug 14, 2009)

Without knowing a little more about you I don't feel right giving you chick advice. On the subject of going fire let me offer this, if your going to put yourself through an academy you may get by without support from her. If you get picked up by a municipal department you will most likely attend their recruit academy and you will need this woman's support if you want to succeed. Recruit academies are grueling and you don't want to have relationship hassles after a tough day in the tower. You do not want to wash out under any circumstances, you would put a mark on your record that would most likely keep another department from giving you a chance. Why give a washout a second chance when there are very well qualified candidates lined up around the block. Fire jobs as you know are few and far between and you need to weigh your options very carefully. Good luck!


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## Flight-LP (Aug 14, 2009)

Never settle for anything in life. Advise her to accept the career choice and you as an individual, or tell her to hit the road. You are letting a woman who you have been dating for only 6 months attempt to control your life and the path you follow. BIG RED FLAG!

You need to be in control of your life and destiny. Carpe Diem my friend!

Have you asked for advice from the firefighting forums???? Your responses here may be a little skewed as many of us could really care less about firefighting. However I offer this advise because it saddens me to see the a lack of knowledge concerning relationships and interpersonal communication. Too mamy folks getting aggresive these days trying to run other peoples lives, along with even more idiots that allow it........................


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## medic417 (Aug 14, 2009)

medic417 said:


> It's just a stupid job, it is not a calling, it is not some great hero maker, it's a low paying job.  If you truly love her you will find another job, one that actually will support a family and stay with her.  If she is just a place of comfort then do her a favor and move on.[/
> 
> Just repeating because of some bad advise being given.


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 14, 2009)

medic417 said:


> It's just a stupid job, it is not a calling, it is not some great hero maker, it's a low paying job.  If you truly love her you will find another job, one that actually will support a family and stay with her.  If she is just a place of comfort then do her a favor and move on.



That is some pretty dumb advice.


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## PotatoMedic (Aug 14, 2009)

If you truly love her and she is telling you what you can and can't do then dump her.  You may be sad for a while but in the end you will be able to do what you want to do with your life.  Not what she wanted to you to be.  

I say go after the career you want (and don't tell any dates your a firefighter till it is serious, reason: gold diggers).  Being a firefighter can pay very well.  Where I live, I believe, the lowest starting salary for a firefighter is 55K, and that is just what you get paid in academy, and it only goes up.  So unlike medic 417 said, being a firefighter is a great career if you want a family.  Sadly I can't say the same for EMS (the whole only getting paid 30K).


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## medic417 (Aug 14, 2009)

subliminal1284 said:


> That is some pretty dumb advice.



Actually it is the best advice.  He needs to decide whether a stupid job is more important than a relationship.


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## Shishkabob (Aug 14, 2009)

medic417 said:


> Actually it is the best advice.  He needs to decide whether a stupid job is more important than a relationship.



Stupid job vs stupid spouse.




Not much to decide there...


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## amberdt03 (Aug 14, 2009)

medic417 said:


> Actually it is the best advice.  He needs to decide whether a stupid job is more important than a relationship.



and how do you know that she's not going to think its a "stupid job" if he just stuck to ems.



no one on here can tell you what to do. the best advice is to do what will make you happy. if you really love her, then get into another line of work. if you don't see a future with her, then pursue fire and move on....don't keep dragging her along.


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## PotatoMedic (Aug 14, 2009)

Linuss said:


> Stupid job vs stupid spouse.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Well if were going to go by those standards...  (to each his own)  Then I would go with a stupid job.  From what I heard it is a lot easier to quit a job then to get a divorce.


(sorry for the edit amberdt03.  I just noticed the error).


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## amberdt03 (Aug 14, 2009)

FireWA1 said:


> Well if were going to go by these standards...  (to each his own)  Then I would go with a stupid job.  From what I heard it is a lot easier to quit a job then to get a divorce.



i agree....and you get to keep all of your stuff rather than split it


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## Foxbat (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone.


I'm probably one of the nerdiest kids here and that "never meet somebody else" perspective should really scare me if I was in OP's shoes. I hope though, that if I encounter such a situation, I'll have the strength to walk away from such a girl.


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 14, 2009)

medic417 said:


> Actually it is the best advice.  He needs to decide whether a stupid job is more important than a relationship.



Yeah it kinda is, it may come to a surprise to you but this field isn't just a 'stupid' job to most people in it. They do it because it is a very rewarding job even if it doesn't pay a whole lot. It is not something you get into for money. And you should never let another person affect your decision if its something you really want to do. If they cant accept you for who you really are then they can hit the road. Plenty of fish in the sea.


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## rescue99 (Aug 14, 2009)

twilightsamurai said:


> First time poster here, don't really know who else to ask about this.
> 
> So, I'm currently employed as an EMT and am moving towards a career in fire.  I just completed a fire academy a couple months ago.  I met my girlfriend 6 months ago, right before I started academy.
> 
> ...



Don't think you need anyone to tell you what you should. I think you already know. Hope it all works out.


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## HotelCo (Aug 14, 2009)

Just get a dog... they're a lot less of a hassle.


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## medic417 (Aug 14, 2009)

subliminal1284 said:


> Yeah it kinda is, it may come to a surprise to you but this field isn't just a 'stupid' job to most people in it. They do it because it is a very rewarding job even if it doesn't pay a whole lot. It is not something you get into for money. And you should never let another person affect your decision if its something you really want to do. If they cant accept you for who you really are then they can hit the road. Plenty of fish in the sea.



But it is still just a job.  He has to decide if his current fascination will last longer than his feelings for the dame.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 14, 2009)

Relationships and jobs are kinda similar.  The only difference is, you know, eventually, you will no longer be employed.  You have a relationship.  Do you have a firefighting job?  That whole "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars" nonsense is bull.  Best case scenario, you marry this girl.  Worst case scenario, she leaves you because you put in for the job.  Then you don't get the job, and you wind up single and unemployed, and you sacrificed something good in your life for a pipe dream.


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## 46Young (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> 46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.  I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook.  That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone.  I say forget firefighting.  I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut.  Take whatever chance for happiness you get.  Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.



It's not so much about being a FF, maybe he'll drop it and then he'll decide to go to medic school. She'll probably go against that, too. She may try to control more areas of his life, since she was successful previously. I wasn't giving advice, just asking him to consider some possibilities.


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## 46Young (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Relationships and jobs are kinda similar.  The only difference is, you know, eventually, you will no longer be employed.  You have a relationship.  Do you have a firefighting job?  That whole "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars" nonsense is bull.  Best case scenario, you marry this girl.  Worst case scenario, she leaves you because you put in for the job.  Then you don't get the job, and you wind up single and unemployed, and you sacrificed something good in your life for a pipe dream.



Staying with someone just because you're afraid you'll end up alone reeks of insecurity. She's already giving him this much stress and turmoil less than 6 months in! How overbearing and controlling is she going to be in 1 year? 5? 10? If someone isn't right for you, if you're unwilling to compromise and see things eye to eye, you're better off alone. There will be others. If there's not then it just isn't meant to be. Many battered wives and girlfriends stay because they're afraid that they won't find anyone else to "love" them.

Your significant other should be supportive of you, and go to bat for you no matter what. They shouldn't be telling you how to run your life, and giving what amounts to an ultimatum, as was said about the fire job (or even EMS alone, for the sake of argument) being a problem if they want to settle down. She's already giving ultimatums early in the relationship, and at the same time is unwilling to compromise or otherwise discuss things with him. She seems quite selfish and self centered. Not exactly desireable qualities.

I don't know his whole story. If it were me, and I were in his shoes, I would tell her this: You met me shortly before I started the fire academy. You've stayed with me throughout that, and also during my new career choice in EMS. However, you give me grief fairly consistently about my career choices, and even went so far as to suggest that you would be unwilling to marry me if I follow through on my plans? Apparently this relationship means so little to you that you'd put forth what is basically an ultimatum. Do you love me for who I am, and all that entails, or are you just focused on changing me into someone else, who fits your standards? It sounds strongly like the latter. Do you really want to be with me? (wait for reply) If you honestly do, then this badgering needs to stop. The woman that I CHOOSE to marry (not the other way around, have some pride) needs to have my back, through thick and thin. I need to know that you'll be that woman.

From my personal experience and observations, women will respect a man that stands up for himself, rather than cave in to every demand and complaint. No one will have respect for a doormat. The challenge is gone, and the other partner will lose respect and interest for you. I suspect that the same is true should the sexes be reversed.


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## 46Young (Aug 14, 2009)

You could always give her the "Two week European Vacation Challenge" to see if she's psycho or not.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918771
I'm kidding.


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## 46Young (Aug 14, 2009)

Here's another angle - ask her what career path she thinks you should have, what would be acceptable to her. I'm betting that it's something that you couldn't see doing for 30 years or so, as you'll probably want to eat a bullet at some point. She may want you to be white collar, like an accountant, attorney, or something else equally unappealing to someone who would rather work outdoors.


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## Epi-do (Aug 14, 2009)

Ok, when it comes to a career, you need to do something that you enjoy doing.  If you don't, it is just a matter of time before you dread going into work every day and are completely miserable.  (And, I speak from experience.  I took a 50% pay cut when I first started working in EMS, and I am still here 10 years later.  Prior to that, it was all I could do to drag myself into work, and am shocked I didn't get fired before I quit for attendance issues.  I was completely miserable.)

I can also tell you, that making the decision to take that big pay cut and take a chance doing something I enjoyed doing would have been much more difficult had my husband not been supportive of my decision.  (If it meant I would actually go to work, he was all for it.)  Once he saw how much I enjoyed what I was doing, I became happier in general, and our relationship improved.  I know he has come to my defense with my parents on different occasions since they don't "get it" and think I should go to nursing school.  They don't understand, nor do they try, why I have no interest in nursing, at least at this point in my life.

Just keep in mind that another person will not, or cannot, make you happy.  Only you can do that, based upon the decisions you make.  Sit down, figure out if FF is what you really want to do, exactly how important this girl is to you, and what sacrifices you are willing to make, if any.  Once you ask yourself some tough questions, and come up with some answers, it will be easier for you to know what you need to do in this situation.


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## DV_EMT (Aug 14, 2009)

im gonna make an abridged post here:

1. People who love you should support your decision.....no matter how crazy, dangerous, or flat out outrageous it is

2. Love what you do! (hence why im moving out of pharmacy and into EMS)


If it were me.... either ignore her and go about your business... or move on. I know it sounds cynical... but its only gonna make you happy in the long run!


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## Sasha (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> 46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.  I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook.  That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone.  I say forget firefighting.  I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut.  Take whatever chance for happiness you get.  Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.



That doesn't mean he should settle for somoene who he may later resent and is trying to keep him from his goals because he MAY never get another relationship.

I'd rather be alone doing something I wanted than with someone doing something I hated.


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## 281mustang (Aug 14, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> 46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.


 What kind of logic is this? You want him to settle for a girl he's been with for 6 months that is giving him an ultimatum on somthing as big as a career based on this?


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## Sasha (Aug 14, 2009)

281mustang said:


> What kind of logic is this? You want him to settle for a girl he's been with for 6 months that is giving him an ultimatum on somthing as big as a career based on this?



Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.


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## 281mustang (Aug 15, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.


 I did not know. You learn somthing new everyday.


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## fortsmithman (Aug 15, 2009)

If you ant to remain in medicine and not be ant EMT and don't have time for medical school try being a PA, RN, RT, etc.  Maybe one of those would be better for your GF to handle you being in.  Also those jibs pay a lot more than EMS.  If you want to make good money while in EMS move to Canada.


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## atropine (Aug 15, 2009)

To the op, dump that chick, man join the fire service, its the greatest job in the world, and there many other ho's out there for your pickn.


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## kkhartzog (Aug 15, 2009)

It sounds to me like the problem is her. If you know what you wanna do and you love what you have been doing. Then you shouldnt give up something you love. The way i see it when your in a relationship you have to deal with problems but you should never let someone tell you what to do with your life. She should support your decision. After all its your life and not her's.


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## Jon (Aug 15, 2009)

Ok... here's an idea. How about you sit and talk with her... perhaps even in a clinical session <gasp- relationship counseling> before you just walk away.

Find out WHY she's against you being in the FD... and either correct misconceptions or recognize which is MORE important to you - and which you'll regret more in 20 years... giving up on her or on Fire/EMS.

Jon


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 15, 2009)

Wow it sounds like there are some pretty desperate people on here.


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 15, 2009)

atropine said:


> To the op, dump that chick, man join the fire service, its the greatest job in the world, and there many other ho's out there for your pickn.



Wow! Atropine, I have to admit you paint a perfect stereo type firefighter with each of your answer. 

R/r 911


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## 911Knight (Aug 15, 2009)

As much as it might hurt...Life is too short to not be involved in a career you love. Follow your dream. You will meet somebody in your efforts who will support you.


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## medic417 (Aug 15, 2009)

It is just idiotic to throw a good relationship away over a job that you do not even know if you will like.  High burn out rates.


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## amberdt03 (Aug 15, 2009)

dang.....i didn't realize men liked it when a woman told them what they can and can't do.


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## medic417 (Aug 15, 2009)

amberdt03 said:


> dang.....i didn't realize men liked it when a woman told them what they can and can't do.



Has he tried to talk to her? Especially with as Rid mentioned a counselor, or maybe a religious leader.  

Has he even found out if he is going to be happy working fire? No, he's new.


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## amberdt03 (Aug 15, 2009)

medic417 said:


> Has he tried to talk to her? Especially with as Rid mentioned a counselor, or maybe a religious leader.
> 
> Has he even found out if he is going to be happy working fire? No, he's new.



true, but you're telling him that he shouldn't even try to find out if he's going to be happy working with a fire dept.


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## PotatoMedic (Aug 15, 2009)

medic417 said:


> It is just idiotic to throw a good relationship away over a job that you do not even know if you will like.  High burn out rates.




Would you consider a good relationship one were your girlfriend tells you what jobs you can and can't have? 

How did you find out you liked working in EMS?  My best guess is that you got trained, got hired (or volunteered), started working, and found out that you really did like it.


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## medic417 (Aug 15, 2009)

FireWA1 said:


> Would you consider a good relationship one were your girlfriend tells you what jobs you can and can't have?
> 
> How did you find out you liked working in EMS?  My best guess is that you got trained, got hired (or volunteered), started working, and found out that you really did like it.



Remember we are getting only one side of the story.  Is she actually saying no or is she showing loving concern?  Has he actually took time to consider her feelings?  After 6 months together you either have a good relationship or she does some special things to you to keep you hanging around.  If the relationship is good it is worth making sure of what is going on.  Perhaps she even sees that you are not cut out for this job.  

And yes I found out I enjoyed this job by experience but I would not have given up a meaningful relationship for it then or now.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 15, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.



Some people on here might not appreciate your mocking.  The things in life many of you take for granted aren't so easy for some.


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## triemal04 (Aug 15, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Relationships and jobs are kinda similar.  The only difference is, you know, eventually, you will no longer be employed.  You have a relationship.  Do you have a firefighting job?  That whole "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars" nonsense is bull.  Best case scenario, you marry this girl.  Worst case scenario, she leaves you because you put in for the job.  Then you don't get the job, and you wind up single and unemployed, and you sacrificed something good in your life for a pipe dream.


I mean this in the nicest possible way, but pal, you have some issues.  Every girl (or guy if that's someones thing) that you meet and/or date is not someone that you could/should be spending a lifetime, or even an extended amount of time, with.  Some people may actually never find that right person.  To think that you HAVE to, and that every relationship is that special is blatantly false, and leaving yourself open for a lot of heartache.  6 months into a relationship in his early 20's...time to take a real long look at what this girl actually means to him, what his career choice means, and why she is asking this.  To do otherwise is ridiculous.


Sasha said:


> Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.


I actually approach random women on the street, tell them I'll do whatever they want me to forever and then immediately propose to them.  Maybe that's why I have a permanent handprint on my face...


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## Shishkabob (Aug 15, 2009)

medic417 said:


> It is just idiotic to throw a good relationship away over a job that you do not even know if you will like.  High burn out rates.



How is it good if she's bossing his life around 6 months in?


That should take 2 years atleast, if not marriage, to get to that point of bossiness.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 15, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> I mean this in the nicest possible way, but pal, you have some issues.  Every girl (or guy if that's someones thing) that you meet and/or date is not someone that you could/should be spending a lifetime, or even an extended amount of time, with.  Some people may actually never find that right person.  To think that you HAVE to, and that every relationship is that special is blatantly false, and leaving yourself open for a lot of heartache.  6 months into a relationship in his early 20's...time to take a real long look at what this girl actually means to him, what his career choice means, and why she is asking this.  To do otherwise is ridiculous.



I never said that every relationship is special.  In fact, I don't believe in love, "the one", or any of that garbage.  If the person makes you happy, I say continue to be happy.  It comes down to compatibility, and if you are compatible, then the relationship will be fine.  I'm saying I don't think he should sacrifice a chance to be relatively happy for a stupid job.  And she's asking him to give up firefighting because it's DANGEROUS, and no woman wants to be a widow.


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## triemal04 (Aug 15, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> I never said that every relationship is special.  In fact, I don't believe in love, "the one", or any of that garbage.  If the person makes you happy, I say continue to be happy.  It comes down to compatibility, and if you are compatible, then the relationship will be fine.  I'm saying I don't think he should sacrifice a chance to be relatively happy for a stupid job.  And she's asking him to give up firefighting because it's DANGEROUS, and no woman wants to be a widow.


Ok, I gotcha.  He needs to decide something that you apparently allready have.  Is this just a "stupid job," or is this what he really wants to do?  Will being with her really make him happy and will he end up in a lasting relationship?  Why is she even asking him this?  Rather important questions that need to be answered.  

Basically, what you've said and continue to say, is that a new relationship that may or may not even go anywhere or last is more important than a job and doing what you want to for a career.  You really feel that way?  Say you've been dating someone for 6 months and they tell you that they can't stand you being an EMT and if you try and become a paramedic it's off.  What do you do?


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 15, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> I never said that every relationship is special. * In fact, I don't believe in love, "the one", or any of that garbage. * If the person makes you happy, I say continue to be happy.  It comes down to compatibility, and if you are compatible, then the relationship will be fine.  I'm saying I don't think he should sacrifice a chance to be relatively happy for a stupid job.  And she's asking him to give up firefighting because it's DANGEROUS, and no woman wants to be a widow.



Okay, I now see the problem. You don't believe in love? Yet believe one will be happy with a person and base it upon compatibility? That's very confusing since most successful relationships are not based something as simple as being compatible, then was is the difference in being roommates and just friends as per say being mates? 

Do many have a poor perception of what love is? Sure. But, why limit yourself to someone or life because things are going great .... for right now. 

What happens per say in two years that person does not tend to make you happy.. you discharge them and move on until you find another that makes you happy? 

Do you sacrifice your potential career (whatever it might be) due to a current feeling without that knowledge of commitment? 

Love is more than an emotion as it has held couples together through the roughest times and joyous occasions. In fact most will inform you that their love grows and deepens many times after the "rough" situation that they "stuck it through". 

Again, one has to be happy with themselves way before they can ever should consider attempting to be happy with another. Communication is essential in any relationship, and as suggested counseling can open doors to encourage and develop a better method of doing so. 

R/r 911


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## csly27 (Aug 15, 2009)

wow, I think you and your girl need to serioulsy have a heart to heart. If this is truly what you want and what she does not, you will either give her up and move on, or give in and end up resenting her. I love working in EMS, My father was an emt and in the army, and my husband currently serves in the army. Communication is huge and if you two are already having issues in that area it is not gonna be good down the road. So my advice to you is communicate and be honest with one another. Because with out that no matter what you choose it will not work. Just my 2 cents.


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## kittaypie (Aug 15, 2009)

you're more likely to die driving to work than actually putting out a fire. tell her to lay off... you should be with someone who supports what you do.


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## Sasha (Aug 16, 2009)

> And she's asking him to give up firefighting because it's DANGEROUS, and no woman wants to be a widow.



I disagree, I want to marry rich and widow early.

Regardless, life is hazardous to your health. Every job is potentially dangerous. Teachers can get shot up at school, bankers can get shot up in a robbery, train drivers can get hijacked, ice cream men can crash or get killed by an angry parent, crossing guards can get hit by a car, bag ladies/men can get mowed down by a cart, cart rounder upers can get hit by a car, factory worker can get caught in machinery, office workers can have an airplane crashed into their office building, etc. 

Also, you can't base your life on what other people want. You will never be happy if it's not what YOU want.

He wants to be a firefighter whether you think it's a decent profession or not. That may or may not make him happy, but he will never know until he tries it out.


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## 46Young (Aug 16, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> I never said that every relationship is special.  In fact, I don't believe in love, "the one", or any of that garbage.  If the person makes you happy, I say continue to be happy.  It comes down to compatibility, and if you are compatible, then the relationship will be fine.  I'm saying I don't think he should sacrifice a chance to be relatively happy for a stupid job.  And she's asking him to give up firefighting because it's DANGEROUS, and no woman wants to be a widow.



Allright, we get it, you hate the fire service and take every opportunity possible to discourage others from going down that route. 

You really seem to hate firefighters. What did they do to you? Tune you up, steal your girlfriend, what is it with you? the guy asked about relationship advice and you keep obsessing and ranting about the (evil, stupid, dangerous, blah blah blah) fire service.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 16, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> Ok, I gotcha.  He needs to decide something that you apparently allready have.  Is this just a "stupid job," or is this what he really wants to do?  Will being with her really make him happy and will he end up in a lasting relationship?  Why is she even asking him this?  Rather important questions that need to be answered.
> 
> Basically, what you've said and continue to say, is that a new relationship that may or may not even go anywhere or last is more important than a job and doing what you want to for a career.  You really feel that way?  Say you've been dating someone for 6 months and they tell you that they can't stand you being an EMT and if you try and become a paramedic it's off.  What do you do?



You can't base your life on "what ifs".  You have to look at things logically.  We have a biological and evolutionary incentive to continue the species.  He has found potential for doing so.  Why forsake what nature has programmed us to do for a job where he'll just end up retiring and may very well be alone afterward?  And yes, a new relationship that may or may not go anywhere is more important than a job that probably won't go anywhere or will potentially get him killed.



Ridryder911 said:


> Okay, I now see the problem. You don't believe in love? Yet believe one will be happy with a person and base it upon compatibility? That's very confusing since most successful relationships are not based something as simple as being compatible, then was is the difference in being roommates and just friends as per say being mates?
> 
> Do many have a poor perception of what love is? Sure. But, why limit yourself to someone or life because things are going great .... for right now.
> 
> ...



Yes, I do not believe in love.  The only difference between a girlfriend and a friend is the behavior between you and her, whatever emotional nonsense you feel, and the "girl" you add to the beginning.  If people are compatible, they have fun together.  They have fun together, they make each other happy.  There's no magical force there.  They just enjoy each others' company.



Sasha said:


> I disagree, I want to marry rich and widow early.



Things are starting to make sense now...



Sasha said:


> Regardless, life is hazardous to your health. Every job is potentially dangerous. Teachers can get shot up at school, bankers can get shot up in a robbery, train drivers can get hijacked, ice cream men can crash or get killed by an angry parent, crossing guards can get hit by a car, bag ladies/men can get mowed down by a cart, cart rounder upers can get hit by a car, factory worker can get caught in machinery, office workers can have an airplane crashed into their office building, etc.
> 
> Also, you can't base your life on what other people want. You will never be happy if it's not what YOU want.
> 
> He wants to be a firefighter whether you think it's a decent profession or not. That may or may not make him happy, but he will never know until he tries it out.



How many school shootings have there been compared to firefighters hurt or killed?  Yes, every job is potentially dangerous, but few jobs require you to go face to face with that danger with the intentions of destroying it.  And what if other peoples' happiness makes him happy?  This is nothing to do with my disdain for the fire service.  In fact, as far as I'm concerned, this thread shouldn't even be on here since this is an EMS forum.  But I'm humoring it anyway because I don't want this guy to throw away something that makes him happy for something else that might make him happy for a little while, or he might not even achieve and find himself in double misery.



46Young said:


> Allright, we get it, you hate the fire service and take every opportunity possible to discourage others from going down that route.
> 
> You really seem to hate firefighters. What did they do to you? Tune you up, steal your girlfriend, what is it with you? the guy asked about relationship advice and you keep obsessing and ranting about the (evil, stupid, dangerous, blah blah blah) fire service.



Of the five posts I've made in this tread, I spoke of the fire service in a negative light once.  The fact that I want to take every possible opportunity to discourage others from going down the firemedic route is irrelevant.  I would say the same to him for any particularly dangerous job.  If he wants to be a firefighter, fine.  I'll always need a stretcher fetcher or somebody to cut my patient out of something.  But by forsaking this relationship before he even has a job offer is the old proverbial counting of unhatched chickens.  Once he has a job offer, he can do whatever he wants.  If he picks her, I wish worlds of health, wealth, and happiness.  If he picks the job, one more stretcher fetcher and one more hurt girl who needs a rebound man (giggity giggity goo!)

As for _why_ I hate the fire service, haven't you and I been over it enough times?

And to the OP: I think we've all forgotten the most important question: What does this girl look like? 

j/k


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 16, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Yes, I do not believe in love.  The only difference between a girlfriend and a friend is the behavior between you and her, whatever emotional nonsense you feel, and the "girl" you add to the beginning.  If people are compatible, they have fun together.  They have fun together, they make each other happy.  There's no magical force there.  They just enjoy each others' company.



So what happens when the "fun" wears off? Get a new partner? Next.... How sad! You have never been in love? I guess what parents have for their children is not love? .. How asinine. 


You may not believe in love, but to be attached to someone because they are "fun" appears to be very shallow. I ask since your description of you rather be with someone than to build a healthy relationship, and to choose a person that would not be "fun" (by dictating a career) is contradicting each other . 

I ask you this.. "How's this working for you?".. As it appears from your post you rather be with someone than to be alone?. ....

Usually, when people make such statements as there is no such thing as love; I recommend therapy. Maybe they have been hurt and as the saying goes ..."_to be loved, you have to love"..._

R/r 911


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 16, 2009)

Ridryder911 said:


> So what happens when the "fun" wears off? Get a new partner? Next.... How sad! You have never been in love? I guess what parents have for their children is not love? .. How asinine.
> 
> 
> You may not believe in love, but to be attached to someone because they are "fun" appears to be very shallow. I ask since your description of you rather be with someone than to build a healthy relationship, and to choose a person that would not be "fun" (by dictating a career) is contradicting each other .
> ...



If the "fun" wears off, it's no different than if the "fun" wears off in a relationship with someone you "love"... if you don't enjoy being around somebody, then why be around them?  And no, I am not contradicting myself.  If the OP didn't enjoy being around her, obviously he wouldn't be posting this thread.  As for parents, it is different.  Parents are biologically programmed for attachment to their children... like I said, we have a biological urge to continue the species.

How's it working out for me?  Not well, since I've been alone for four years now.  So no, I have never been in love.  Just like I don't believe in alien abductions because I've never been abducted.  Just like I don't believe in Jesus because he's never spoken to me.  Just like I don't believe in Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, or the Tooth Fairy.

And as for therapy... why should I pay some "doctor" $200 an hour to tell me things I already know?


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## Ridryder911 (Aug 16, 2009)

So your saying there is no emotional feeling as such or that just you are unable to produce that? I also doubt that any Dr. would agree as well, since there is many that make millions off "love". As well any real educated psychologist/psychiatrist 

I presume you have no children either... Your parents did not love you and you did not love your parents? ... What happens to those that can't have children? Let's quit being so cold and  full of scientific garbage. Life is much more than cells and amoebas.. thank God! 

Sorry, I do doubt that you really believe such. As in even in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs .. each person desires and needs Love and Belonging right past physiological needs. Good front and keep telling yourself that.. Personally, I wish you luck as I would never want my world to be so indifferent. 

R/r 911


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## triemal04 (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> You can't base your life on "what ifs".  You have to look at things logically.  We have a biological and evolutionary incentive to continue the species.  He has found potential for doing so.  Why forsake what nature has programmed us to do for a job where he'll just end up retiring and may very well be alone afterward?  And yes, a new relationship that may or may not go anywhere is more important than a job that probably won't go anywhere or will potentially get him killed.


Rather suspicious that you ducked my question.  Think you can answer it?  Because all this sounds like is a very bitter individual upset with someone chosen career.  So basically you actually think that even the most casual unknown relationship is the most important thing out there?  That nothing can or should take precedence?  Wow...you had some serious problems with girlfriends in the past, didn't you?


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## 46Young (Aug 17, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> Rather suspicious that you ducked my question.  Think you can answer it?  Because all this sounds like is a very bitter individual upset with someone chosen career.  So basically you actually think that even the most casual unknown relationship is the most important thing out there?  That nothing can or should take precedence?  Wow...you had some serious problems with girlfriends in the past, didn't you?



Girlfriends, and probably a failed attempt at joining the fire service. It would explain a lot. He did say at one point that he attempted joining the fire service. I don't recall him ever saying he successfully completed the academy, or being hired anywhere. Or maybe fire based EMS is the only provider in the area that pays well there.


----------



## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

Ridryder911 said:


> So your saying there is no emotional feeling as such or that just you are unable to produce that? I also doubt that any Dr. would agree as well, since there is many that make millions off "love". As well any real educated psychologist/psychiatrist
> 
> I presume you have no children either... Your parents did not love you and you did not love your parents? ... What happens to those that can't have children? Let's quit being so cold and  full of scientific garbage. Life is much more than cells and amoebas.. thank God!
> 
> ...



There is an emotional feeling... it's a combination of sexual attraction and enjoying the other person's company.  As for non-romantic love, evolution has programmed us to have feelings of attachment to our family (or "pack" if you will) because the early human tribes that stuck together survived.  This doesn't cheapen or somehow discredit the feeling... it just isn't anything special.  It's a chemical reaction in the brain based on external stimuli and internal need.

No, I do not have children, thankfully.  I doubt the world is ready for a little half-me anyway.

I love my parents and my parents love me as described above.  Until someone can show me something not based on pure emotion, I'm sorry, that's all it is.

More than cells and amoebas?  Wish I could believe that, but I see no reason to, as you and I discussed in the past.

Would I go for a girl that I loved?  Sure.  But nobody has interested me in that way.

If the opinions I'm offering are a front, then surely you have some idea what my real stance is, and I would LOVE to hear it.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> Rather suspicious that you ducked my question.  Think you can answer it?  Because all this sounds like is a very bitter individual upset with someone chosen career.  So basically you actually think that even the most casual unknown relationship is the most important thing out there?  That nothing can or should take precedence?  Wow...you had some serious problems with girlfriends in the past, didn't you?



Two weeks is casual.  Six months is enough time to get to know somebody very well.  Obviously it isn't that casual, since it troubled this kid enough to post about the ultimatum.

As for girlfriend problems, nothing I would want to share with the class.


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## triemal04 (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Two weeks is casual.  Six months is enough time to get to know somebody very well.  Obviously it isn't that casual, since it troubled this kid enough to post about the ultimatum.
> 
> As for girlfriend problems, nothing I would want to share with the class.


I really don't want to know about your relationship problems...to be honest I don't care.

What I care about is you answering the question:  your girlfriend of 6 months tells you that if you remain an EMT or become a paramedic the relationship is off right then.  What do you do?


EMTinNEPA said:


> There is an emotional feeling... it's a combination of sexual attraction and enjoying the other person's company.


So...sex is more important than a career, and, apparently from what you've posted, more important than everything else?  Yowzah...


----------



## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

46Young said:


> Girlfriends, and probably a failed attempt at joining the fire service. It would explain a lot. He did say at one point that he attempted joining the fire service. I don't recall him ever saying he successfully completed the academy, or being hired anywhere. Or maybe fire based EMS is the only provider in the area that pays well there.



Academy? ROFLMFAO

Fire service around here is all volunteer.  There is no "academy".  There is no "hiring".  They'll take any shmuck off the street, throw a set of turnout gear on him, and make him a hero.  I toyed around with joining a local department to do vehicle rescue for giggles and poops, but in the end didn't.  And the Fire-Based EMS is all volunteer with the exception of one department and they don't pay crap.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> I really don't want to know about your relationship problems...to be honest I don't care.
> 
> What I care about is you answering the question:  your girlfriend of 6 months tells you that if you remain an EMT or become a paramedic the relationship is off right then.  What do you do?
> 
> So...sex is more important than a career, and, apparently from what you've posted, more important than everything else?  Yowzah...



She would have to offer a valid reason as to why EMT or paramedic wasn't a good job.  Your question is irrelevant.  The OP's girlfriend posted a valid reason for him to not be a firefighter: it's dangerous.  She has images of a burning beam falling on him and breaking his back, leaving her to take care of her crippled husband, or raising children by herself.

And no, HAPPINESS is more important than a career.


----------



## triemal04 (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> She would have to offer a valid reason as to why EMT or paramedic wasn't a good job.  Your question is irrelevant.  The OP's girlfriend posted a valid reason for him to not be a firefighter: it's dangerous.  *She has images of a burning beam falling on him and breaking his back, leaving her to take care of her crippled husband, or raising children by herself.*
> 
> And no, HAPPINESS is more important than a career.


Right...because EMS is such a safe profession.  Fine.  Toss in that she is concerned that you will contract hepatitis, MRSA, the flu, permanently injure your back, become a jaded burn out...now what's your answer?  <readies for the duck and dodge>

Look...basically all your responces come down to the same thing:  a relationship, no matter how casual or new, no matter the fact that there is no gaurentee that it will last or be meaningful is the most important thing because of sex, enjoying their company, and the need to procreate, and nothing should get in the way of that.  

Once again...yowzah.

Edit:  so you must know the girl in question to know exactly what she's thinking.  Please.  Based on the OP's statements the girl does not know much of anything about firefighting and is probably basing her opinion off the Hollywood style.  And if he's right and she has a built in bias against blue-collar jobs...  Answer the question or face up to your hypocrisy.  Firefighting is a dangerous job, but not that dangerous, same as EMS.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

triemal04 said:


> Right...because EMS is such a safe profession.  Fine.  Toss in that she is concerned that you will contract hepatitis, MRSA, the flu, permanently injure your back, become a jaded burn out...now what's your answer?  <readies for the duck and dodge>
> 
> Look...basically all your responces come down to the same thing:  a relationship, no matter how casual or new, no matter the fact that there is no gaurentee that it will last or be meaningful is the most important thing because of sex, enjoying their company, and the need to procreate, and nothing should get in the way of that.
> 
> Once again...yowzah.



I will explain to her that my service has strict policies on isolation when dealing with patients that have known deadly and contractible conditions, that we have all been taught and use proper lifting technique and get help when we need it and that my service purchased power litters for this very reason, and that I was already a jaded burnout when she met me.

I'm getting sick of this debate.  I think he's a moron to throw away something he has to go after something he might not get and in the end wind up with nothing.  If you disagree, that's fine.

And if you have a better explanation of "love", then I would LOVE to hear it.


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## 46Young (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> Academy? ROFLMFAO
> 
> Fire service around here is all volunteer.  There is no "academy".  There is no "hiring".  They'll take any shmuck off the street, throw a set of turnout gear on him, and make him a hero.  I toyed around with joining a local department to do vehicle rescue for giggles and poops, but in the end didn't.  And the Fire-Based EMS is all volunteer with the exception of one department and they don't pay crap.



You could've fooled, me, with all of the venom you spew towards fire based EMS. You even admitted once that you were jealous of our benefits. You also said that you're trying to figure out how to work two full time jobs after graauating medic school. If fire based EMS isn't really forcing you out of a job, then what's the root of your animosity towards FBEMS?

I'm just curious as to what happened that caused you to turn bitter towards FBEMS and the fire service in general. What negative event(s) took place?

What happened to you in past relationships that would cause you to take this "unique" views towards love, happiness, etc?


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

46Young said:


> You could've fooled, me, with all of the venom you spew towards fire based EMS. You even admitted once that you were jealous of our benefits. You also said that you're trying to figure out how to work two full time jobs after graauating medic school. If fire based EMS isn't really forcing you out of a job, then what's the root of your animosity towards FBEMS?
> 
> I'm just curious as to what happened that caused you to turn bitter towards FBEMS and the fire service in general. What negative event(s) took place?
> 
> What happened to you in past relationships that would cause you to take this "unique" views towards love, happiness, etc?



My responses are nothing for the forum.  If you really want to know, send me a pm with the understanding that my responses are to be kept in confidence.


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## 46Young (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> I will explain to her that my service has strict policies on isolation when dealing with patients that have known deadly and contractible conditions, that we have all been taught and use proper lifting technique and get help when we need it and that my service purchased power litters for this very reason, and that I was already a jaded burnout when she met me.
> 
> I'm getting sick of this debate.  I think he's a moron to throw away something he has to go after something he might not get and in the end wind up with nothing.  If you disagree, that's fine.
> 
> ...


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## 46Young (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> My responses are nothing for the forum.  If you really want to know, send me a pm with the understanding that my responses are to be kept in confidence.



Fair enough. I can respect that.


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## EMTinNEPA (Aug 17, 2009)

46Young said:


> EMTinNEPA said:
> 
> 
> > He could also "throw away" a career in the fire service, and continue the relationship that may not work out either. He ends up with nothing. Same logic.
> ...


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## HNcorpsman (Aug 17, 2009)

if she's not going to back you up in your decision to become a firefighter than you don't need her.


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## Sasha (Aug 17, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> I will explain to her that my service has strict policies on isolation when dealing with patients that have known deadly and contractible conditions, that we have all been taught and use proper lifting technique and get help when we need it and that my service purchased power litters for this very reason, and that I was already a jaded burnout when she met me.
> 
> I'm getting sick of this debate.  I think he's a moron to throw away something he has to go after something he might not get and in the end wind up with nothing.  If you disagree, that's fine.
> 
> And if you have a better explanation of "love", then I would LOVE to hear it.



Sooo how will you counter when some girl says she's afraid of a mental patient hurting you, or you getting robbed and murdered for your drug box? Crashing in an ambulance?

You think the fire service just goes in willy nilly and squirts around water? THEY have safety percautions too, but accidents do happen. Like an accidental needle stick, a tear in the glove, or the fact you don't know your patient is carrying TB or community acquired PNA, or something until later on after you've already shared a close and comfy ambulance ride.


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## subliminal1284 (Aug 17, 2009)

For those depserate people on here I found the perfect dating service for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xLsRI7-hBs


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## Medic744 (Aug 17, 2009)

For what its worth my advice is that do what will make you happy.  If EMS/Fire is what you want then go for it.  She may not stick it out but there is somebody out there that will.  It is important to be happy in all aspects of your life.  If you give in to somebody else and give up your desires and dreams then you will grow to resent that person and it is never worth it.  Be happy with yourself and your decisions and then the rest will fall into place.


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## Chimpie (Aug 17, 2009)

I think enough opinions have been shared that the OP can take from it what he wishes.

Thread closed.


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