# EMS Jokes



## rescuecpt (Jun 28, 2004)

When annoying people ask questions on scene:

Q. What happened? (at a minor fender-bender auto accident).

A. Plane crash!


Q. What happened? (outide of a house where a person was having shortness of breath).

A. Plane crash!


Q. What happened? (at a plane crash)

A. Shark attack!


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jun 30, 2004)

I love it.  However, since I live in the middle of the desert, I think I'm going to use "shark attack" as my standard response.


----------



## sunshine1026 (Jun 30, 2004)

The worst part will be, when you say "shark attack," there will undoubtedly be people who believe you, and will want to know where the sharks came from!   :lol:


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jun 30, 2004)

> _Originally posted by sunshine1026_@Jun 30 2004, 05:28 AM
> * The worst part will be, when you say "shark attack," there will undoubtedly be people who believe you, and will want to know where the sharks came from!   :lol: *


 I'm not so sure that would be the worse part  :lol:


----------



## sunshine1026 (Jun 30, 2004)

Very true!    B)


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jul 2, 2004)

This thread reminded me of the realistic trauma scores:

The "F***** Up Scale"
1 - FU
2 - AFU
3 - TFU
4 - FUBAR

The "Wreck Scale"
1 - Bicycle Wreck
2 - Car Wreck
3 - Train Wreck
4 - Plane Wreck


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jul 14, 2004)

Three nurses are walking along the beach  when they find an old lamp. One of the nurses rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! 

"For freeing me, I'll give each of you one wish," annouces the genie. 

The first nurse says, "I want to be twice as smart as I am now, that way I'll be a better nurse." The genie puts his hand to his temple and concentrates, then smiles and says, "It is done." 

The second nurse declares, "Well, I want to be ten times as smart!" Again, the genie concentrates and then says, "It is done." 

The third nurse, not to be outdone, asks, "Can you make me one hundred times smarter than I am now?" 

The genie puts his hand to his temple, then pauses and askes the third nurse, "Are you sure you want to be a paramedic?"


----------



## MariaCatEMT (Jul 27, 2004)

*Q. What did the Paramedic say to the stroke patient with left side paralysis?


A. You're going to be all right!*


----------



## MariaCatEMT (Jul 27, 2004)

*Fun With Used Airways


Make long slender ice cubes for those hot summer nights. 

Wear one each of 5 different sizes on the fingers of both hands and pretend to be Freddy Krueger next Halloween. 

You've heard of tin can phones...how about orapharngeal phones? 

Tie or otherwise bind 5 together, drill holes through one side only and pretend to be the Pied Piper. 

On your next suicide call, glue 2 to the victim's head to resemble horns...Tell the coroner the devil made him do it! 

Conversational swizzle sticks! 

Sell them as gag reflex testers. 

They make really neat bubble blowers...Ask the kids! 

Give one to a hard of hearing patient and tell them it's a new kind of hearing aid.

One Word...Teethers! *


----------



## MariaCatEMT (Jul 27, 2004)

*Memo to all EMS personnel

To:            All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations
Subject:    Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). 
Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. 
Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to ****), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." 
HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." 
Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." 
Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." 
The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge." 
And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records). 
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.*


----------



## MariaCatEMT (Jul 27, 2004)

*Top Ten Lies told by Paramedics

Its not my fault, he kept moving. 

This might stick a little. 

I did say clear first. 

I know where I'm going. 

It's OK, I'll cut along the seams. 

The ambulance is clean. 

It's the flu, not a hangover 

The gloves are for your protection. 

The patient refused the treatment. 

I am in it for the money *


----------

