# Goodbye EMS I'll miss you dearly...I may return at a later date



## InsidiousStealth (May 31, 2012)

First off I'm posting this for mostly therapeutic reasons and to get stuff off my chest. I'm not asking for people to flame me for doing something wrong as everyone was once new and should be given a chance and everyone learns differently from different preceptors as well as learning at different paces. I certainly felt like I haven't been given that chance. So here's my sob story [yeah I said it]. Note the companies and co-workers names in these stories will remain anonymous for professionalism purposes.

To those of you who have seen me post around here You will have known I was once very passionate for this job. I became an official ACP certified EMT in October. Before that I had been working for a volunteer ambulance service since Sept 2010 as an EMR. When I became an EMT I got hired on as a casual employee for a fairly big company and was pretty excited. I worked casual until I got on full time within one area with a diverse population that required more learning then normal places and a bigger learning curve [which EMS already has].

I was very happy and eager to be apart of a team I had 2 partners one I got along with really well and was super nice and accommodating to me being new and teaching me the ropes more [afterall its hard to be a great EMT after only 3 tours and not running a call for 5 months since I finished my prac in june and had to write ACP in October]. The other partner ultimately lead to my demise in that company.

He would yell at me 4-5 times in front of the patient on calls for really trivial stuff...like in the patients room one time we had him on the stretcher and I asked him if he was ready to lift and he said "go forward" but I thought he said "go for it" and I started counting and he yelled at me for that. On that same call he was carrying the patients wheelchair through the side door and i was going to go through the side door to close the back of the ambulance from the inside and start helping put an ECG on but instead he yells at me that he doesn't need help with the wheelchair and to close the door and sit up front. Another instance we were looking for a patients house and it wasn't the right patients house who we drove up to and there were a few dogs in front of the ambulance and he yelled at me to drive and that they'll move cause I slowed down cause I didn't want to run over them....well if that were true why do so many dogs get hit by cars....Anyhow these are just small things he'd yell at me for. If I missed a minor detail on a call like checking CMS on a cut foot for instance he would go to degrade me saying that's EMR stuff and first aid stuff and I should know that [i didnt check that cause I thought you only did that for sprains and fractures] Anyways a month after I started we only did like 4 or 5 tours together he felt it right to write a 7 page typed report about how much I sucked and half the stuff he wrote on there wasn't even true. The CEO of the company then took his word and didn't talk to my other partner to confirm his story and fired me.

I was pretty torn after and depressed insanely for like a month and a half cause I wanted to move up around there get a house and stuff...this was my dream job after all..no patients were killed or harmed in my care either no drugs were not given that were supposed to and vice versa all little mistakes were made there. If I could have done anything differently I would have stuck up for myself more and yelled back at him for his ignorance. I only attempted to speak to him for real about it once which only escalated his anger. I felt like yelling at him would be counter productive so I wouldn't do that to him.

fast forward a couple months later I got another full time job somewhere high up north. This time I was sure I was doing okay my partner never told me anything after calls or gave me any kind of feedback as to if I did something wrong and we even discussed it a few times [During my orientation with my manager and him she would give me feedback so I figured if something was pertinent he would have said it] and I would state I thought I did well on that call and he agreed. Next thing you know after only doing 14 days of the job I get a phone call from the manager stating that the owner my partner and her all thought I should be relieved of the job to go get more experience elsewhere...

I have decided to go get a nursing degree and with that gap train to be a paramedic and try and get on casual as a paramedic somewhere while working as a part time RN, As I do so and think about the 4 years of schooling ahead of me I can't help but feel deep regret and sadness. I still take shifts sometimes at the volunteer ambulance service I work for me and my manager there have a great relationship its like a family there but just doesn't pay the bills unfortunately.

There's my story, my problem with this industry is it seems like partners will be the "management", they'll just tell everything to management and that dictates what decisions will be made. and it has too much backstabbing, not enough learning and development to get better [which are 2 of the AHS principles ironically, which both companies contracted with AHS didn't seem to care about] I am shedding small tears writing this because it feels like a dream I was striving so hard towards is now shattered. I struggle with depression and some anxiety and although my girlfriend said to keep applying places I just feel like I won't be able to trust anyone if I do. Also I don't want AHS closing the doors on me if this happens within there. I truly feel sorry if this is happening to AHS employees.

My final wish for this industry in a small couple sentences that I wanna state is this. If you're getting into this industry to help people and make a difference. Why can't that energy also be placed towards making someone a better EMT and giving them a chance. That's helping out someone too you know.... 

Goodbye and thank you all for your time here and thanks for reading. I'll reply here and there.


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## TB 3541 (May 31, 2012)

Wow, if events conspired how you said (and I don't mean that you're not trustworthy), that's terrible. I can only imagine your pain.


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## Amberlamps916 (Jun 1, 2012)

We're here for you


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## saskvolunteer (Jun 1, 2012)

Sorry to see you go. We're all here for you. Always. Hope to see you still out there. 

Best of luck with pursuing your RN degree. And don't let one group of bad apples ruin it all for you.


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## legion1202 (Jun 1, 2012)

Wow sorry to hear about all this. The only 2 cents i can give you is learn from your mistakes. Keep trying to go somewhere else while you are in school so you can get more experience if you want/need. I know my first few shift where ruff because I was nervous, I dint know anyone and lets face it I was greener then the grass on a summer day.

What they teach in school goes right out the window in real life for better or worse. So when you start fresh you try to do what was taught in school... And your partner or FTO shows you his way.... Again is it right or wrong... He reports back to you supervisor so he might be right while your in training haha..

Good Luck!..


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## Sasha (Jun 1, 2012)

If your partner was being disrespectful to you, you should have addressed that between you, him, and management. Him yelling at you in front of patients is unacceptable, but you allowed it to go on. 

If you are not getting along with someone, talk to them in a calm and professional manner first, then elevate it to the next in the chain of command to mediate between you if it's not working.

Bettering you as an EMT is no one's responsiblity but your own. It is your responsibility to ask your medic "What would you like me to do on calls? What can I improve on?" I do this even when I'm working with other medics who are more experienced than me. I will take calls to them and ask them to sit down and go over the call with me and see where I can improve. I am NOT new. I've been doing this a couple years, and consider myself good at my job. 

As an FTO, I give feedback, it's my job. Before I was an FTO, I did not give feedback to people who did not ask because I'd been burned before by people who were too insecure to take constructive criticism. 

I hope you learn to ask and to work on bettering yourself... No profession is going to hand hold you.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. This doesn't mean you have to leave the forum, there are plenty of other health care professionals here.

Stick around, sit, learn, take it in. 

I'm truly sorry you've had such a hard time, I hope it gets better for you.


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## epipusher (Jun 1, 2012)

:hugs:


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## TatuICU (Jun 1, 2012)

Sucks bud.  i will say though that if you're looking for solace in nursing, you're most definitely looking in the wrong place.  You think medics eat their young?


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## Sasha (Jun 1, 2012)

What are you talking about? I heard nurses were very friendly and helpful people


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## Always BSI (Jun 1, 2012)

Every time I see Sashas avatar I smile inside.


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## TatuICU (Jun 1, 2012)

Sasha said:


> What are you talking about? I heard nurses were very friendly and helpful people



Lol, I've been a nurse for awhile now and I wouldn't consider myself overly friendly or helpful


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## Sasha (Jun 1, 2012)

I'm sorry I forgot to use my sarcasm font. .


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## InsidiousStealth (Jun 2, 2012)

Yes events conspired as I stated. I would make little mistakes on calls since everyone is new at one point or another and does these thing and i elaborated that i had a long gap between practicum and becoming certified. No patients were harmed in my care. I even handled quite a few pretty sick patients too on my own too.

Yes Sasha next time I will do things differently and I tried to address the problem [like I stated] and it escalated and got worse. Yes I shouldn't have not been as timid but is it really helpful to say I "should have done" something differently when the past is the past? I'm not stupid I learn from my mistakes and to do stuff differently next time. I've already ran scenarios a million times more in my head on what I should have done differently and its not helping. The whole point of EMS is to learn from calls I thought and get better on similar ones for next time but i guess I should be a superstar know it all according to some partners off the bat.

The lack of encouragement towards a nursing degree is just awesome though I mean thanks for indirectly saying it'll happen again with people eating their young...seriously why would you even say that? What would you do in my situation? I don't even want to apply for anywhere else in my province cause its provincially run and I don't trust anyone anymore so if I get let go over something stupid again then its game over on getting hired anywhere in health care it makes me paranoid and not want risk it. 

 I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do for 7 years after high school and chose this and it all backfires on me and now I'm 28 and gonna be almost mid 30's before I even have a degree...if I even succeed in getting it. I sometimes wish I hadn't been born cause of this cause it feels like I am a miserable failure now. The desire to even live seems questionable, I am not suicidal because i know doing that would hurt everyone close to me but the desire to actually enjoy living sure isn't there anymore. This is honestly the hugest kick to the balls I've ever had to deal with in my life. People in the first company who know me thought it was stupid too and a lot of people were confused about the whole thing and why it even happened. One person I worked with when I was casual a number of times even said " I personally think its a shame because you were always eager to learn and get better as a practitioner and wanted to help people". 

On the plus side thanks for the condolences and sympathies. At least those were given. Sorry if I sound like a **** in anything I said up there but I really get defensive when talking about this and when people blame it on me saying I should have done things differently....It's sort of a "captain obvious" remark that I really don't care about right now and I know I would have done things differently if I had the oppurtunity...it's like saying "Oh if i knew the lottery numbers the following day I should have picked those ones"...again sorry if its being a **** but yeah...sensitive topic. Just still to this day can't believe the nerve of people to backstab me over almost nothing....people have issues


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## Sasha (Jun 2, 2012)

Replys like that are why I don't write out helpful responses anymore. I assumed you wanted feedback. 

You seem to need a lot of guidance ad hand holding, and you sound like you think Nursing will give it to you. 

Nursing won't. People like to think our professions are different and have an us vs them mentality but the reality is we are more alike than different. I have a feeling if nothing had been said you'd be ticked no one warned you. 

You can say what you want about my response but I've never been fired from a job, so I must be doing something right. Instead of criticizing maybe you should take it and keep it in mind for next time. It's applicable to any job.


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## beefaroni (Jun 2, 2012)

Sasha be trippin'


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