# Dating within your service



## gradygirl (Mar 13, 2007)

I think I'm heading towards a relationship with a friend and coworker. What are y'all's thoughts?


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## fm_emt (Mar 13, 2007)

TCERT1987 said:


> I think I'm heading towards a relationship with a friend and coworker. What are y'all's thoughts?



Don't dip your pen in the company ink!

Uh, well, since you lack the proper appendages to make that statement relevant.. uh..

I strongly advise against getting involved with co-workers. It's too risky. Things can go south and get really messy...and that's never a good thing to have around the office.


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## Emtgirl21 (Mar 13, 2007)

I just broke up with my boyfriend. He is a paramedic where I work and I'm an EMT. Guess what I still have to see him and I still have to work with him and its HARD. For me the break up would be so much easier if I didnt have to see him but guess what...he's still there and I have to listen about his new girlfriends and all that.....so yea I did it i got the T-shirt and i will not do it again.


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## Luno (Mar 13, 2007)

IMHO, just imagine the worst parts of that person, now imagine having to work with them for 24hrs straight, now imagine that they absolutely hate you on top of it all.  Is it really worth it?


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## Alexakat (Mar 13, 2007)

TCERT1987 said:


> I think I'm heading towards a relationship with a friend and coworker. What are y'all's thoughts?



Sometimes it's hard not to become attracted since you spend so much time together...BUT, like the others mentioned, it really stinks if you break up.


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## DT4EMS (Mar 13, 2007)

Hey Girl................

I have been around for a long time. I have seen a lot of relationships come and go because of two people spending so much time together.

I know of only ONE that has stood the test of time. 

Emotionally you will not listen to anything posted here. Soooooooo, if you do let this thing get started, have a back-up plan (like another place to work).

Good luck......... You know I only say it because I care


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## Medic's Wife (Mar 13, 2007)

The good side- you get to see eachother 24/7

The bad side- you get to see eachother 24/7

Another thing to think of is that there could be complications down the road if one of you were to be promoted to supervisor, then one would be in an authoritative position over the other, and that could get messy, if company policy will even allow it.  

Good luck whatever happens!


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## oldschoolmedic (Mar 13, 2007)

It can work, but you need ground rules first. Discuss the possible outcomes of promotions, break-ups, etc... Know up front what you are getting into and explore how you would get out of it. On the job relationships are very tricky things to negotiate and usually cause more problems than they are worth. Keep in mind you are in a high stress job, and that causes all sorts of emotional responses you may not have the experience to deal with. Make sure before you take the time to "seal the deal" that he wants the same things out of a relationship as you do. The hardest thing to live down on the job is a bad relationship because everyone will know about "that little thing you like to do" if he is just into it for a piece of ***. Speaking on behalf of my gender, men in general are pigs, sorry. I met my wife on the job and it has been the best seven years of my life. Good luck with your choice. P.S. I was her supervisor and it opened a whole can of worms...


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## MedicPrincess (Mar 13, 2007)

Look....lets get down to the basics here...

1.  Is he/she hot?

2.  How hot is he/she?

3.  Take the grossest/most annoying thing that person does and imagine  hearing/seeing/smelling/tasting it 24 hours a day/7 days a week.  Only think about that, because eventally thats all your going to be thinking about anyway.

4.  When it ends (lets face it, MOST of them do in this biz), how are you going to feel seeing him/her with someone else?  Doing the things you loved to do with him/her?  Having him/her look at that other person in a way you know good and well should be directed at you?

Its possible to make it work out fine.  Its also very possible that should it end, it is ugly and one or the both of you cannot be in the same room together anymore.

Tread very lightly, take it very slowly......

Above all....

BE CAREFUL....its all about "scene safety" and "BSI" baby!!


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## gradygirl (Mar 13, 2007)

OK, here's the other part of the equation that I failed to mention. Per company policy, no two people who are dating/married/cohabitating are allowed to work together. Period. End of story. If you do, you can get fired.

Also, he works days, I work nights. I'm part time, so it's not every night.

And I love y'all. I can always count on your honest opinions.


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## DT4EMS (Mar 13, 2007)

TCERT1987 said:


> OK, here's the other part of the equation that I failed to mention. Per company policy, no two people who are dating/married/cohabitating are allowed to work together. Period. End of story. If you do, you can get fired.
> 
> Also, he works days, I work nights. I'm part time, so it's not every night.
> 
> And I love y'all. I can always count on your honest opinions.




Then I say Go for it!


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## Chimpie (Mar 13, 2007)

TCERT1987 said:


> OK, here's the other part of the equation that I failed to mention. Per company policy, no two people who are dating/married/cohabitating are allowed to work together. Period. End of story. If you do, you can get fired.


Not to sound like Bill Clinton, but define working together.

Working together as in, for the same company?
Working together as in, on the same shift (on at the same time)?
Working together as in, riding in the same bus/rig/ambulance/car/buggy/insert-your-ride-here?


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## BossyCow (Mar 13, 2007)

Still not a good idea.  There are so many different problems that can happen.  First, starting a relationship that you know can get you fired is always a bad thing.  Second, there is a reason the company has that policy, because so many times in the past they have had to choose which of the two now broken up workers they were going to fire that they wrote a policy to cover their butts. 

Even if the relationship works, its still not a good idea. It will affect the way your co-workers regard you professionally.  Work relationships is a highly unprofessional behavior.


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## fyrdog (Mar 13, 2007)

It's a big enough place where you wouldn't have to work in the same ambulance or on the same shift. There may be a little bit of an over lap of shifts. I meet my wife while she was working for the competing company which was then bought out by he company I worked for (pre AMR). We didn't work the same shift normally. Once and a while we would meet up at a hospital to say hi between calls.(everything proper)

You would be far from the first two people to date there. 

Maybe I'll see you around, I put in for a bunch of Hartford shifts for April.


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## Ridryder911 (Mar 13, 2007)

I have worked at many places that did not allow such.. I personally, have attempted to refrain from it. A wise man advised me .. never pick your date and check from the same place... *cleaned up the language)

I have worked where my spouses worked with me.. it was hard sometimes. Ironically, at the flight service I had worked at never new my relief was my wife at the time, nor any of the flight crew except one, until she left for another position we finally told them. She kept her maiden name, and we kept it strictly professional. to say the least they were very shocked.. as well some was red from embarrassment, wondering if they ever had something bad or inappropriate..LOL


R/r 911


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 13, 2007)

EMTPrincess said:


> Look....lets get down to the basics here...
> 
> 1.  Is he/she hot?
> 
> 2.  How hot is he/she?




Exactly what I was going to ask!


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## gradygirl (Mar 14, 2007)

OK, working together means on the same rig. Or, if one is a supervisor, they cannot be in a supervisory position over their sig. other. Not a problem, I'm in class while he's on the road. He works the 6a-6p at the end of the week. I work 7p-7a overnights on Fridays/Saturdays.

Also, we've been strictly professional any time we've been on the clock. We did both start wrestling in the hallway one day, but, as fyrdog can attest to, that's pretty typical for everyone at Hartford AMR. I mean, heck, I've gotten into a wrestling match with my supervisor...

fyrdog, hope to see you soon. I typically do evenings or overnights at the end of the week.


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## mfrjason (Mar 14, 2007)

T,in my honest opinion,I dont think it will be a good idea. I do know for a fact that it does happen though and it is bound to happen if you work with someone long enough but you have to stop and think "what happens if we have a fight and we are working together the next day,is the subject of the fight gonna be brought up?"


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 14, 2007)

mfr, they are working together as in working in the same place, but not at the same time, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHIFTS. They should be fine.


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## Medic's Wife (Mar 14, 2007)

problem is though, people leave or go part time, partners/shifts change....what then?


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 14, 2007)

Medic's Wife said:


> problem is though, people leave or go part time, partners/shifts change....what then?



She has school, she cannot work his shift.


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## Medic's Wife (Mar 14, 2007)

ahhh, ok.  well that's one less thing to worry about then


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## mfrjason (Mar 14, 2007)

Medic's Wife said:


> problem is though, people leave or go part time, partners/shifts change....what then?



Good point!


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## Pablo the Pirate (Mar 14, 2007)

there seems to be alot of advising against relationships at work.  and i tend to agree. that being said i did date a guy i worked with once and it worked out fine. even after we broke up.  but we were good friends b4 we started dating and remained good friends afterwards.  in fact he is a good friend of both me and my husband and was a groomsman in our wedding.  But i would say that this is a very uncomman occurance and suggest you move forward in whatever desion you make with caution.  i also know a couple of paramedics that are married on a different service and they seem to make it work.  i think they always work different trucks if they end up on the same shift tho. i wish you luck


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 14, 2007)

Do what you feel is right. If you feel it could be something worth while, by all means go for it.


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## islandgal (Mar 15, 2007)

Tcert,

You are working in the field of the world biggest gossips.  So if dating amongst staff is a no no, I would be very careful.  If you pursue this, go in assuming the probability of people finding out is around 96%.  Consider if you want to deal with that.  Don't risk you job (or friendship) if its just a fling.
I'm not judging you, as I dated (and still am) one of the medics I used to work with.  While we worked together, we were careful about any PDA or being obvious, but things get noticed.  
Good luck.


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## Jon (Mar 15, 2007)

I think AMR is concerned about crews finding, umm, other things to do for entertainment than run calls.... that would be why the policy is what it is... it also means you aren't as likely to "do something stupid" to cover the one you 'love'.

Anyway... good luck... but I'm going to be heartbroken.


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## gradygirl (Mar 16, 2007)

So he came to help out with an EMT course that our school squad is hosting. A bunch of people from the squad got to meet him and they all fell in love with him. Good thing, because if they all didn't get along, I wouldn't waste my time with him.

All he has to do now is to meet the rugby team and meet my "dads". After that, he should be golden.


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 16, 2007)

come in the chat so I can yell at you


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## Tincanfireman (Mar 16, 2007)

And how will your new position a/o 0900 on 12 April going to affect this?  Seems like it would be a major kibosh on any relationship issues... <_< 

(If this doesn't make any sense, go here)


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## m33kr0b (Mar 16, 2007)

I believe that she is talking about her off campus job not her on campus job.


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## Tincanfireman (Mar 16, 2007)

Whoops, my apologies; thought they were one and the same...:blush:


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## yowzer (Mar 16, 2007)

I think it's a bad idea; leads to all sorts of complications.


Example: At my company, a couple who met when they started working together got married. One of them had to move to a new shift, and the other got a semi-promotion to fill-in supervisor when none of the regular supes are able to work. Except when it's his wife's day to work. Messy!


Not to mention the potential fallout from a bad breakup...


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## Anomalous (Mar 17, 2007)

My EMS supervisor says that I can't date anyone on our service or she will divorce me.  Dang.  There goes my weekend plans.


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## islandgal (Mar 18, 2007)

^^^^ Jeeze, what a hard ***.  
But no getting around what your supervisor tells you


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## mfrjason (Mar 19, 2007)

When I worked on the service,only a couple people knew that I had a crush on my partner but I never let it get out.


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## emtkelley (Mar 20, 2007)

I met my husband on the job (he was my partner) seven years ago. We married three years ago and are very happy!


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## fm_emt (Mar 21, 2007)

We only have like 2 female EMTs and they both already have kids!

There's nobody for me TO date! :-(


Guess it's back to flirting with the nurses...


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## Nycxice13 (Mar 21, 2007)

fm_emt said:


> We only have like 2 female EMTs and they both already have kids!
> 
> There's nobody for me TO date! :-(
> 
> ...



If the blood sucking lawyers allow it!


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## wolfwyndd (Mar 21, 2007)

I'm gonna add the 'me too' post.  I really don't think dating someone where you work is a good idea.  I've done it only once and, fortunately, our break up was extemely amicable.  We've each gone our seperate ways but we also still email each other every now and then just to keep up.


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## fm_emt (Mar 22, 2007)

Nycxice13 said:


> If the blood sucking lawyers allow it!



What? It's illegal to flirt with the nurses?!

oh god nooooo!


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## mfrjason (Mar 27, 2007)

fm_emt said:


> What? It's illegal to flirt with the nurses?!
> 
> oh god nooooo!



Afraid so fm,if the nurse takes it wrong and its one that you dont know you can get into alot of trouble.


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## fm_emt (Mar 27, 2007)

mfrjason said:


> Afraid so fm,if the nurse takes it wrong and its one that you dont know you can get into alot of trouble.



Remember, if she thinks you're cute... it's flirting.

If not, it's sexual harrassment. :-D


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## BossyCow (Mar 30, 2007)

It's only harrassment if the other person asks you to stop and you don't.  It can't be considered harrassment if the 'victim' never told you or someone in a position of authority over you, that they found the behavior offensive.  

What individuals consider offensive is varied.  It also has to do with the relationship between the parties.  There are some people I will take no end of :censored: from because I know them well and dish out an equal amount back.  But there are some people from whom the same amount of familiarity is just creepy.


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## firecoins (Mar 30, 2007)

I like to date in other people's service but I am told to keep that to myself.  Whoops!


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## fm_emt (Mar 30, 2007)

BossyCow said:


> It's only harrassment if the other person asks you to stop and you don't.  It can't be considered harrassment if the 'victim' never told you or someone in a position of authority over you, that they found the behavior offensive.
> 
> What individuals consider offensive is varied.  It also has to do with the relationship between the parties.  There are some people I will take no end of :censored: from because I know them well and dish out an equal amount back.  But there are some people from whom the same amount of familiarity is just creepy.



Clearly you missed the joke in there. ;-)


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## Airwaygoddess (Mar 31, 2007)

Oh fm, you are such a flirt! :wub:  Wuv it!!


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## Jon (Mar 31, 2007)

So.. TCert... How'd you, um, make out?


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## Medic's Wife (Apr 1, 2007)

Was that pun intended, Jon?


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## Jon (Apr 1, 2007)

Medic's Wife said:


> Was that pun intended, Jon?


Not initially, but I realized before I posted it... so yes


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## gradygirl (Apr 2, 2007)

OK, so now that we've been on a couple of dates, I dunno. I mean, he's a nice guy, but the puzzle pieces aren't quite fitting together correctly. Besides, he's a little old...

I dunno, I'm going to keep my options open. Besides, I'm 19 and not looking for as serious a relationship as he is. (Go figure, a 19 y.o. wanting to have a fun time instead of looking to settle down...)

P.S. fyrdog, we're working together on the 20th!


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## mfrjason (Apr 4, 2007)

TCERT1987 said:


> OK, so now that we've been on a couple of dates, I dunno. I mean, he's a nice guy, but the puzzle pieces aren't quite fitting together correctly. Besides, he's a little old...
> 
> I dunno, I'm going to keep my options open. Besides, I'm 19 and not looking for as serious a relationship as he is. (Go figure, a 19 y.o. wanting to have a fun time instead of looking to settle down...)
> 
> P.S. fyrdog, we're working together on the 20th!



Age is nothin but a number. Im 32 and married to a 23 yr old. How old is the guy?


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## gradygirl (Apr 5, 2007)

Umm, he's 37.

And I know that age is just a number, I like older guys. My best friend/practically my twin is 34 (basically he's the male version of me.) And one of the last guys I dated was 31.


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## fyrdog (Apr 5, 2007)

TCERT I'll see you on the 20th. I had two different partners book off this week so my 24 hours turned into 12. Have fun until then!


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## mfrjason (Apr 9, 2007)

Oh ok i c,i guess there is nothin wrong with that,ive had 17 and 18 yr olds try to get with me,i dont mind it,they're of age.


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## gradygirl (Apr 10, 2007)

You're right, there's nothing wrong with the age gap...unless said 37 y.o. acts like he's 15...


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## mfrjason (Apr 23, 2007)

Even though we are old,we still are kids at heart.


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## fm_emt (May 26, 2007)

*Ok, I give up! *revives old thread**

Forget everything else I said in this thread.

Throw it all out the window.

My old g/f & I broke up a couple months ago..I didn't say anything about it on here... and I've kind of been seeing a girl that I work with. Aside from the 2 kids (ick! kids! on the bright side, hers seem quiet and well behaved..) .. uh, she's amazing.

But she's your age.. (20) and I'm 31.

So forget what I said. If you're happy, and things fit, go for it. I was totally wrong and I admit it.


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## TheDoll (May 27, 2007)

i'm 33 and my boyfriend is 45. i love him, and he loves me. things work with us, but i think more than anything it's bc we are in similar places in our lives despite the age difference. neither one of us have kids, etc. we've been together for 3 years and living together for 1 1/2 years. however, we don't work together. good luck whatever happens. age can be an issue, but it's not always THE issue.


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## fm_emt (Jun 11, 2007)

fm_emt said:


> Forget everything else I said in this thread.
> 
> Throw it all out the window.
> 
> ...



Ok, everything I said about forgetting what I said? FORGET IT.

Don't date within the service. As I am now finding out the hard way, the drama just can't seem to stay outside of work.

*DON'T DO IT!*

meanwhile, I'm spitting up pieces of a broken heart.


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