# Memo to ALL EMS Personnel



## Celtictigeress (Dec 1, 2005)

To: All EMS Personnel From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to s***), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."

8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries


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## ffemt8978 (Dec 1, 2005)

I believe this one has been posted here before.


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## hfdff422 (Dec 2, 2005)

Hasn't everything been done before, some fresh material would be so cool.


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## CaptainPanic (Dec 2, 2005)

Im working on some new EMS comic relief - I just need some motivation to get my creative juices flowing.


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## hfdff422 (Dec 2, 2005)

> _Originally posted by CaptainPanic_@Dec 2 2005, 09:50 AM
> * Im working on some new EMS comic relief - I just need some motivation to get my creative juices flowing.  *


 The satisfaction of a job well done is not enough?  I would, but I have to go....... uh....er..... uh-oh there go the tones-bye.


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## CaptainPanic (Dec 2, 2005)

Eh?? :huh:


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## Celtictigeress (Dec 2, 2005)

eh if you want one in poor taste

Two Paramedics walk into a bar..... I guess maybe they should have ducked?

An EMT is busy changing a flat tire..paramedic walks by,"you got a flat" the EMT replies ,"No just one half of the ambulance is lower then the other"

Emt is brought to a call upon which a man is half in a ditch half out cop asks "so whats your diagnosis" EMT says "Well I believe hes drunk" the man looks up and replies,"Thanks you...for awhile I was scared I was crippled"

Liberace is standing at the Pearly Gates when St Pete pulls up his records,"Im sorry but we cant let you into Heaven it seems you have eaten a parrot"

Liberace says,"never I dont eat meat"
St peter shows him the record saying Liberace has eaten a cockatoo... after a long paus Liberace finally understands
"oh no no that wasnt a parrot it says I may have eaten a cock or two"

Namaste


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## TTLWHKR (Dec 3, 2005)

I don't get it.


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## Celtictigeress (Dec 4, 2005)

Eh some things just go unheard....

They walked INTO a bar ie metal pole...shoulda ducked

a flat causes one end of a vehicle to be lower then another....Para asks stupid question EMT gives smartass response

Guy is obviously drunk cop asks a stupid question....EMT gives obvious answer... did I mention the guy was drunk?

Oh yeah liberace was gay....that speaks for itsself


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