# What is your most ridiculous call?



## ErinCooley

We took a guy to the ER on Saturday with a chief complaint of "green s**t times 2 months".  He decided to call the ambulance at 0345.


----------



## JPINFV

Just about any patient going to the ER from a SNF after 8pm. Generally after that time one of the following criteria could be assigned:

1. We've known about it all day and decided that this poor patient should wait in the ER over night instead of sending him/her when we first found out.

2. Something that could wait till morning.

3. Something that should have been a 911 call but we're gonna treat this as a non-emergent transport (love the experience from those calls, but feel bad for the patient).


----------



## BossyCow

I remember reading this question as a sample history taking example... 
"So, sir... what about this condition that you have had for 2 months turned it into an emergency at 3:00 this morning"


My most ridiculous was a 20 something female with 10:10 back pain. She was telling us how excruciating the pain was, then swung at the hips and bent down behind the couch to retrieve her purse. Sat on the couch and tied her shoes. Kissed her boyfriend goodbye with a big hug and walked uphill to the rig. Sobbed all the way into the ER starting right when we turned into the hospital parking lot.

Oh.. did I mention that she told us we'd have to call her parole office because otherwise her ankle bracelet would show her in violation of the conditions of her release?


----------



## mikeylikesit

I have been called to a house only to transport the husband in an emergency call. then about a half hour lady the lady of the house called in with trouble breathing...she forgot her breathing problems half way through her trip to the hospital when her "favorite song came on". turns out she didn't know which hospital her husband was at and wanted a ride...turns out that we charge a lot more than a phone call and a taxi.


----------



## rhan101277

I guess its good to get some comic relief calls.


----------



## Airwaygoddess

*Them "speical" calls......*

To quote my old paramedic supervisor.....  " Because of the stupidity of others we stay gainfully employed!"    :blink:


----------



## el Murpharino

This may not be the most ridiculous I've had, but it's pretty recent, so I can recall it easily:

Lady with back pain that's been going on all day - she calls us at 11:30 PM - she's ambulatory, is laughing with her husband when he cracks a joke at her, not moaning, groaning, wincing....but of course when asked to rate the pain, she promptly turns to me and says "oh it's a 10....this is the worst it's ever been".  I proceed to ask her a second time, saying "think of a 10 as me cutting off your leg with a chainsaw"....she thinks for about .04 seconds and says "it's definitely a 10".  She was ambulatory to the triage nurse in the ER waiting room....I remember her sitting in the waiting room when we left.  

The best part of this is that I asked her why she thinks she needed to be transported by ambulance and not taken up by taxi - her response:  "I can't afford a taxi".  It sickens me that these people are allowed to breed.


----------



## mycrofft

*They could have told us...*

I was driving the three-man P-6 rescue rig on base, the call was a woman with her hand in the garbage disposal about an hour after the evening shift had gone on duty (not us, we were 24 on/24 off). We zoomed up to Wherry base housing code 3...but no Security Police. Odd. I stayed in the truck and they would call for me to bring anything they needed, while I would listen on the mre powerful truck radio and call for backup...by the way, where's the ambulance?...
About three minutes after the crewchief and the rescueman went in, out they came walking fast and straight. They got in and the "crewch" just said "Drive!".
Turns out the lady, a dependent wife whoe Airman husband worked the PM shift on base proper, was alone in the kitchen with her hand "stuck" but un-injured in the Insinkerator..._across the room_ from the wall-mounted telephone. Turns out the other responders had not gone because they had responded to prowler calls and medical emergencies and found her undressed in suspicious circumstances as well.
My crewch just handed her a bottle of Crisco oil from by the stove, said "Pour this down the drain", and split.


----------



## So. IL Medic

"It feels funny when I pee"

That was the chief complaint at 03:30 from a 36 y/o f.

Does it hurt? No. Any amb pain, are you pregnant? No. Does it burn or itch? No, just feels funny. How long? Off and on for a week.

I looked at my basic partner and said it was all his. Feels funny when I pee...grumble grumble mutter.


----------



## Buzz

Dispatched at 02:10 for a self Dx of carpal tunnel syndrome . The Pt was a block and a half away from the ED. Pt stated "It hurts when I go like this..." as he proceeded to contort his hand into something that just did not look comfortable.


----------



## medicp94dao

Dispatched to house for unknown medical/unknown trauma. UA 26 yo male lying on side in obvious pain. pt states i fell on it.......  i.e: foriegn body in rectum...   I just have to ask why do they always fall on it?????


----------



## mikeylikesit

medicp94dao said:


> Dispatched to house for unknown medical/unknown trauma. UA 26 yo male lying on side in obvious pain. pt states i fell on it....... i.e: foriegn body in rectum... I just have to ask why do they always fall on it?????


 and why do they always fall on it naked?


----------



## Medic9

I so wish I could post some of my stupid calls on here but I am with an agency that covers a small area and I am sure all it would take is someone from another agency to know who I am talking about I would have my butt in a sling. 
I have had some real doozies!


----------



## MJordan2121

*Most Ridiculous*

There was a call at one of the local casinos here and a guy got his finger caught in a door and it had some bruising and swelling. He called us for transport, but needless to say, the hospital was clearly visible about one block ahead. Not only could he have walked, taken a cab or used the casino transportation offered to him, he felt it absolutely necessary to take a ride in the ambulance for that entire block with nothing more than ice provided.


----------



## Jeremy89

MJordan2121 said:


> There was a call at one of the local casinos here and a guy got his finger caught in a door and it had some bruising and swelling. He called us for transport, but needless to say, the hospital was clearly visible about one block ahead. Not only could he have walked, taken a cab or used the casino transportation offered to him, he felt it absolutely necessary to take a ride in the ambulance for that entire block with nothing more than ice provided.



Back in high school my friend's mom shut his pinkie in the door... severed the tip.  Now its just a stub... I always give him :censored::censored::censored::censored: about it.


----------



## IrishMedic

ok this was when i was training in the states....we get this call for "sick female". as we arrive on scene we are approached by a well dressed woman in here 30's, no obvious signs of distress, ambulating, unescorted etc. so i introduce myself and my partner and ask her wats goin on today..her response is "I've an iguana inside me". as my crew and i look at each other and we are all trying to come up with logical reasons for what she just said, i was thinkin inguinal hernia etc....i sorta stop and just ask her "when you say iguana, do mean the lizard??" she says yes, so we  ask her to take a seat in the rig. so as we get her vitals...ALL normal Surprise!!!! and i palpate the abdomen, which showed no signs of a reptile being present!!!!!  we ask her how it got there..." two years previous it had crawled in while she was sleeping....and has been there since"....so i ask her why she called us tonight, was she worried bout her health or the iguana's health etc...she states that its really there...i tell her im not questioning that, that im trying to determine exactly what to do and who im treating, she said she feels underfed cos the iguana takes her food....so i call in the report over the cell phone to the ED. you can imagine how that goes....this is unit.....we have female in 30's c/c iguana in abdomen. pt is AxO 3 and vitals are stable at this time. nkda, nkHx..we are 4 mins out do you require any further....at which point nurse asks "can you state c/c again, at docs request" i state again "pt states she has a lizard living in her stomach"

so we arrive at the ED and are Wheeling in the pt on the cot and as we get into the ED, Every nurse Doc, Security etc are standing in the station waiting to see us...we get directed to a room and as were passing the station the EMT with us..decides to let the pt know theyll run tests, but last time he checked iguana's dont show up on Xrays.....

I don't think there was a member of staff left standing and not crying with laughter in the whole dept....


----------



## BossyCow

Toned out to 30 yo woman with belly pain, frequent flier who calls when she needs a meal and a warm bed for the night. "Ma'am, is there any possibility you may be pregnant?" "No" "Are you sexually active?" "Yes" "Are you on birth control?" "No" "Are you sure there is no possibility that you may be pregnant" "Yes I'm sure"


----------



## yowzer

Teenager with a pimple on his butt cheek. When his mother (Who followed behind in one of the 5 cars parked out front of their trailer) came in to the ER lobby after finding a parking spot and saw him already sitting in a chair out there.... let's just say she wasn't amused.


----------



## EMTSteve

Called to a 42 y/o male with a c/c "I think I'm having a heart attack".
We arrive on scene and find him lying UC on the living room floor. 
We check vitals.... all WNL.
After establishing an IV, hooking him to the 12 lead and several other things
Um.. okay. We decided to do some "tests".
First the hand drop test(s)... FAILED (missed his face every time)
Tried inserting a OPA... FAILED (clenched his jaw tighter then a dolphins butt)
So we were pretty sure this guy is faking it.
We get to the ED and drop him off and give the story to the RN.
She turns around and walks into the Pts room and loudly says " Okay we are going to need to get his temp.... hand me the rectal thermometer"

The Pt. suddenly awakes, jumps up and yells NOO.

Turns out he was having problems with his soon to be ex-wife and was looking for attention.


----------



## MJordan2121

*Drugstore*

Received a call, 86 y/o F with constipation. Arrived on scene, pt stated she did not want to go to the ER, but instead just needed a ride to the drug store to pick up some stool softeners...


----------



## REMSI Medic 10

the most rediculous call I got was for a "unknown medical problem", when we got their the chick had her suitcare and a couple bags of extra clothes ready. When asked what was wrong, she relplied, " my dad is just giving me a hard time". She also requested going to a facility that was about 50 miles away, needless to say she didn't get to go their. I failed the mention that she was 46.


----------



## rhan101277

MJordan2121 said:


> Received a call, 86 y/o F with constipation. Arrived on scene, pt stated she did not want to go to the ER, but instead just needed a ride to the drug store to pick up some stool softeners...



Did you transport her to the drug store?


----------



## Bosco578

Tonight, 37y/o male with non traumatic back pain. Pt's wife called because it was keeping her up listening to him complain. Good call lady! Now your keeping me up.


----------



## MJordan2121

rhan101277 said:


> Did you transport her to the drug store?



No, we told her we could take her to the ER or suggest she take a cab, because its much cheaper. Turned out to be a refusal and a good laugh at the end of our shift.


----------



## volff21

the chronic heart attack call where the pt signs a refusal every time


----------



## emtashleyb

We had a 32 y/o female complaining of abnormal vaginal bleeding. When we arrivied she is stumbling around. She slurs to us "I went to go pee and my :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: is bleeding". Of course my then capt just had to ask if she had had anything to drink today. Her response "only a pint of vodka". okkay next question ma'am when was your last menstrual cycle. She sits there for a minute and goes oh...... yeah we got called for a woman who just got her period and was too drunk to realize it. Oh the joys of ems


----------



## poppawilly

26 year old male.  chief complaint: menstral cramps.  call came in when i was in clinicals.


----------



## firetender

Got to an intersection within about 2 minutes of an accident. Front end of Car #1 is touching bumper of Car #2, no evidence of major damage. Out of Car #2 comes this WAILING: "My neck is broke!  My neck is BROKE!!!" The yelling gets louder and I look into the back seat to see where its coming from. A woman has her two hands wrapped around her neck, rocking back and forth and screaming in pain.

"You can stop now." I said, loud.

She immediately stopped her yelling and rocking but kept her hands wrapped around her neck, head down. "What do you mean I can stop? Can't you see I'm hurt?" She said, angrily, "You in trouble!!"

"What did you just buy at the store?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" She looked up at me, forgetting her pain.

I just pointed to an open, unwrapped carton of 18 eggs sitting on the seat beside her, not one even out of alignment, then went on to check the other car.


----------



## Subliminal

High fever....  98.7 when I checked, apparently it had been 102 ALL day.....


----------



## aussieemt1980

poppawilly said:


> 26 year old male.  chief complaint: menstral cramps.  call came in when i was in clinicals.



Don't laugh it is possible, you guys over in the states have the honour of having one of the few MALE patients carry to full term (I know, he was not born that way) but still, it does happen occassionally. Heard a story a few years ago from a friend that told me about a male that would come in once a month with mood swings and stomach cramps, on a regular cycle that lasts for a few days and off they go for another month. An ultrasound found a uterus, but nothing else. But then again, it probably is a joke and I was a gullible noob back then.

But then again, I once attended the doctors after spending 24 hrs+ with abdo cramps, found out it was "wind" and the doc's advice (his words): "lay down, rest, let out the big ripper that is coming and run to the toilet. That should sort it out."

Some of my most ridiculous calls usually involve psych pts. God help the idiot that thought that a mental health first aid course would be beneficial (me!), so I cop them sometimes. The pts in a psychosis usually present as the most interesting, especially when the voices tell them to do stuff....

Just once, I want to play out that scene from "Bringing out the Dead":

Tom: *Why don't we here it from the Looney Tunes himself? Did you try and top yourself?*

Pt: *Yes.*

Tom: *Why didn't you say so!*

a bit of time passes....

Frank: *Excuse me, this has got to be the most pathetic suicide attempt I have ever seen. Feel here? Feel the pulse? That is where you cut. And you go up, not across. Here take my knife and do it!*

Pt: *I can't*.

Frank: *What?*

Pt: *I can't.*

Frank: *Of all the people in this city who ever only wanted to live and were viciously murdered, you have the nerve to sit here, wanting to die and not have the guts to through with it! You make me sick!*

Tom (laughing as the patient runs out of the back of the truck): *We cured him!*

Or the call, "you are going to the female who is being held hostage by her cat" (from Bringing out the dead)

Or you can never forget the "Polish" hostage from SWAT ("its the damn robot aliens)

We could probably write a book about it.


----------



## mycrofft

*Called out to possible man down a hole*

huge hanger for E-4 (747) aircraft, has a three story deep fifty by fifty foot well next to it to receive AFFF runoff if the deluge system goes off inside due to fire. The well has about three feet of rainwater in it. One warm April night, Security hears what sort of sound to him like someone gargling/screaming like they were drowning in the pit, couldn't see anything and probably too chicken to go down alone, so called us.
We arrive...sound way too loud for a human, we approached with our big ole lanterns...the pit is writhing with frogs and toads who were wandering around looking for water to mate in and wound up down there, trying to climb out on each other...horrible noise!


----------



## Medic9

It really wasn't a call but... I was working at a local county fair when a frantic farmer walks in and asks if we have any epinephrine. The other two people that are working with me turn around and ask what happened and where was the emergency. The farmer proceeds to tell us that his sheep is going into anaphylaxis and "I really hate to lose her". We are really just a band-aid station with a few medical supplies but we happen to have one Epi-pen. We offered it to the farmer in hopes that he would be able to save his sheep. He thanked us profusely and left. 
So, later that day he came back with the Epi-pen and said the Vet beat him back and was able to save her. He told us that for the 150lb sheep he would have needed THREE Epi-pens to treat her. He thanked us again and said how kind we were for doing that.
Just another day in rural EMS.


----------



## neurogenic

The worst for me was when we were dispatched to a patient who was c/o a severe sore throat.

O/a, he advised us that he has a Tonsillectomy just the day before.

I wouldn't have minded the transfer, but at 3am and 6 MVA's later. :wacko:


----------



## EMT192229

i had a guy call the ambulance at 3:30am because he was unable to get his man hood to work. he felt that he might be unable to function again


----------



## lightsandsirens5

Maybe not ridiculous, but dumb.

I've only been doing this for less than a year, but this is one of my best(so far). 

I was still riding 3rd party trainee when we respond to a local nursing home for a CPR in progress. As you can imagine, we flew thru town and made it in record time. On scene, we burst thru the door and head down the hall to find the 70 y/o male Pt. lying right in front of the nurse’s station, nobody with him. Not a CPR. And to top it all, nobody knows what happened. (Or mebby they were too embarrassed to say) The only explanation I have is that somehow he somehow made it out of his room, down the hall and passed out for some reason or other. A nurse or aid saw him crash, picked up the phone, dialed 911, said CPR in progress at PTNH, and slammed the phone down. :glare: Why she left him laying there after she found he was still breathing, I'll never know..... I'll also never know why they didn't call back and tell dispatch to tell us to cancel code. :wacko:


----------



## RESQ_5_1

Had a transfer for a 42 y/o male complaining of priapism x 18 hours. Woke up a 2 in the morning with an erection, and when we picked him up at 8 pm, he was still goin'. During my assessment, I asked him to describe the pain. He said, "Throbbing. Every time my heart beats". He had a PR of 92 strong and regular. We had a 3 hour transport time. We waited with him at the hospital until 2 am. 24 hours later, and still erect. The Dr. said she had drained a liter out of it (wince) and it still wouldn't go down. Pt denies use of ED medications. BP was around 210/100.


----------



## Nocturnal_EMT

*Boil 26-A-1*

The most ridiculous call i ever had was a 19 y/o male sick 26-a-1 at a local college around 0400
Ok were thinking either they don't have transport to a doctor or they have a test coming up... as im reading the report from dispatch i see a c/c of BOIL!!

We get there and the pt is walking over to the ambulance crying he looks at me and says "i have a boil in my butt and on my privates" 
So i have him jump in the ambulance and once my partner closes the doors he drops his pants and spreads his cheeks! I was speechless!! i told him to lay however he could on the cot and had my male partner tech the call! i couldn't keep a straight face when looking at him! 
When we got to the ER the PA asked "whats the chief complaint?" i pointed at the PCR and we just looked at each other blankly then she rolled a wheelchair my way and pointed toward the waiting room! 
He went to shake my hand as i was leaving so i faked a sneeze and said good bye lol i didn't know what to say but good luck lol i felt so bad


----------



## emtphil

firetender said:


> Got to an intersection within about 2 minutes of an accident. Front end of Car #1 is touching bumper of Car #2, no evidence of major damage. Out of Car #2 comes this WAILING: "My neck is broke!  My neck is BROKE!!!" The yelling gets louder and I look into the back seat to see where its coming from. A woman has her two hands wrapped around her neck, rocking back and forth and screaming in pain.
> 
> "You can stop now." I said, loud.
> 
> She immediately stopped her yelling and rocking but kept her hands wrapped around her neck, head down. "What do you mean I can stop? Can't you see I'm hurt?" She said, angrily, "You in trouble!!"
> 
> "What did you just buy at the store?" I asked.
> 
> "What do you mean?" She looked up at me, forgetting her pain.
> 
> I just pointed to an open, unwrapped carton of 18 eggs sitting on the seat beside her, not one even out of alignment, then went on to check the other car.



Got one similar, except I was a victim.

I was driving home from school one day, going through a green light, when this woman decides to try to turn across the intersection from the opposite side of the street, thinking she can beat me through the light.

She doesn't, and I slam into her right rear quarterpanel.

I repeatedly ask her for her d/l and insurance, but she kept stalling.  I later discover that she was neither licensed or insured.

She was walking around the whole time, in full view of multiple people, simply complaining of bumping her funny bone.  She even borrowed a neighbor's phone and made a couple of phone calls.

One of the neighbors called 911, and when the fire department showed up, she calmly walked back into her car, buckled her seat belt, and started complaining that she _couldn't feel her legs._

A couple minutes later, a pickup truck shows up and two men get out, apparently her relatives, and begin to yell and threaten me.  A fireman walks over and tells them to back off.  I then ask the fireman if she's going to be alright, and he says, "Oh, yeah, she's fine."

A police officer shows up and takes my statement, and declares that it wasn't my fault since I had the green light.  Unfortunately, all he could do was write the woman a ticket.

When I gave my statement to the insurance company, I find that the woman told them complete BS, and I had the police report to back me up.


----------



## JerzEmt

*Beathing*

We were dispatched for dif breathing, ALS also sent.  We get there the Pt is on O2 by leo.  Long and short, he has a sore throat, and it hurts to take deep breaths, he hasn't taken anything but our time.  We cancel ALS and ask if he has a PCP,, no but my wife, the nurse wants me to take care of this.  She works at @*&#* Hosp, can we bring him.  The T-nurse wasn't to happy when we brought him in, arms folded behind his head.  King of the world, Oh the wife was busy with the kids, so she couldn't take him......


----------



## youwhat

had a few good ones, being in control lets you take in all the quality calls that come through  

1) man with a drinking straw stuck in his penis...just don't ask

2) man who had inserted candle into anus which had then broken off. 

3) paramedic responding to a cardiac arrest that turned out to be a dead goldfish

4) various callers phoning for an ambulance because they 'have run out of money on a night out and can't get home so they need a lift' 

heh


----------



## neurogenic

It was 11pm, took an emergency call, 16yr old on the line, "uh, i need some medical advice" transferred to our Call centre Doctor......

Caller: Uh, Doc, my girlfriend and I were having sex :wub::wub:
Doctor: Were you using protection?
Caller: Yes, thats the thing
Doctor: okay, what?
Caller: It klnda slipped off during sex, and they looked for, but cannot feel/see it
<<now by then, I had conferenced almost everybody in on the call - We were all laughing already (i know, Bad me  >>
Doctor: (Also trying to control herself) Well, if you cannot see it, go see a doctor in the morning
Caller: Okay, but what can we expect?
Doctor: Wait 9 months and see!:blush::blush::blush:

Now, to this day, when I activate her for an Air Ambulance, we still giggle about it.


----------



## firetender

Breathless Paramedic, on the radio, calling in:

"I'm at the scene of a 22 yo female, pregnant, contractions about 30 seconds apart..."

RN on duty

"Put on your gloves, John!"


----------



## Paranini

Had a drunk climb into the back of a PD K9 car with the dog inside.  After we were able to pull him out with several bites to the legs, he told us he thought it was a taxi.  Also had a homeless frequent flyer who had run out of legit complaints so he told us his nipples hurt, LOL


----------



## mycrofft

*What. Isleton not locking their K-9 car doors now?*

(Just guessing!).
I think I shared the one about the lady in the garbage disposal. 

My coworker and I pulled up to transport a lady to the hospital, she hadn't eaten in three days and had what we called "OBS" back then ("organc bain syndrome", now mostly replaced by "Alzheimer's disease"). We walked in with a wheelchair and our blue uniforms with ties (clip ons), she saw the company name on the shirts and said we were part of a conspiracy, a secret alliance of companies all with that common word in their title, including movers, plumbers, tv repair, and everything else. I looked at my coworker, he looked at me. I pulled out my active duty USAF ID, he pulled out his retired military ID, she looked at them, then said "Oh all right. I'll go quietly".
And she did.


----------



## housert

We have a "frequent flyer" who broke her back many years ago and became addicted to pain pills.  When she needs her fix, she calls us.  On my first run to her house her husband, who just got out of jail, met us at the door and proceeded to show us how he took a chainsaw to the doorway so that our cot would fit through easier.  He then told us he was disconnecting his phone so his wife couldn't call when she was done at the ER but when we wheeled her past him he told her to call as soon as she needed a ride!  Found out the next day that he finally put the phone back on the hook the that morning and went to pick her up but was pulled over and arrested on the way for an outstanding warrant!


----------



## EMTDON970

Had a guy call because he was constipated for a week, told me he even stuck his finger and tried to pull a turd out, and it didnt work, now he has pain there and leg and abdominal pain....


----------



## flhtci01

About 0230 on morning, I answered the phone to hear "This is .... at so and so ER.  We have a pregnant woman who is starting to crown and contractions are two minutes apart.  How soon can you get here?"  I replied about 15 minutes (we were about 12 miles away).  She replied "I'll call you right back" In the back ground I hear "I'm calling 911".  Never did get the call back.B)


----------



## Sasha

flhtci01 said:


> About 0230 on morning, I answered the phone to hear "This is .... at so and so ER.  We have a pregnant woman who is starting to crown and contractions are two minutes apart.  How soon can you get here?"  I replied about 15 minutes (we were about 12 miles away).  She replied "I'll call you right back" In the back ground I hear "I'm calling 911".  Never did get the call back.B)



If they are at the ER why were they calling 911? Could they not deliver the baby there? h34r:


----------



## flhtci01

Sasha said:


> If they are at the ER why were they calling 911? Could they not deliver the baby there? h34r:



Small rural ER, no OB on site. I think they delivered it.


----------



## FF-EMT Diver

Thanks people you jinxed me, We were having a nice quiet day the other crew has ran one call, So I think I'll read stupid calls well lo and behold one calls in, 18 Y/O male C/O Abd pain, Pain on urination, Find PT. ambulatory advises he has been hurting for a wk, say's if we want him to go to ER he will, after explaining that it is not my choice he say's he quesses he will, Ask him about parents they're inside but dont have a car!!, When will they learn phone calls and cabs are cheaper than EMS.


----------



## SmokeyBear

FF-EMT Diver said:


> Thanks people you jinxed me, We were having a nice quiet day the other crew has ran one call, So I think I'll read stupid calls well lo and behold one calls in, 18 Y/O male C/O Abd pain, Pain on urination, Find PT. ambulatory advises he has been hurting for a wk, say's if we want him to go to ER he will, after explaining that it is not my choice he say's he quesses he will, Ask him about parents they're inside but dont have a car!!, When will they learn phone calls and cabs are cheaper than EMS.



I'm so glad you posted this first or Im not sure anyone would have believed this one. My most ridiculous call--I kid you not:
We received a call on our ALS unit (don't get me started) for a young lady whose chief complaint was that she was* bitten in her perineal area by a wasp*.
We arrived at the scene to find her boyfriend in tears claiming that she was, and I quote, "all slimy and &&^%(" Took one look and realized it was a chancer sore--syphilis. My partner (the medic in this case) couldn't restrain himself and proceeded to ask why they called this an emergency. The female responded; "He lost his license and my ex stole my car."


----------



## SmokeyBear

Nocturnal_EMT said:


> We get there and the pt is walking over to the ambulance crying he looks at me and says "i have a boil in my butt and on my privates"
> So i have him jump in the ambulance and once my partner closes the doors he drops his pants and spreads his cheeks! I was speechless!! i told him to lay however he could on the cot and had my male partner tech the call! i couldn't keep a straight face when looking at him!



:blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink::blink:


----------



## sabbymedic

I have taken someone to the hospital who complained of a cold and did not like the medication the doctor gave her that afternoon. She put Vapo Rub on her chest waited till 0330 and decided she was not better after a day so called 911 met us at the curb.

Her Husband followed behind in the car!!!!


----------



## el Murpharino

sabbymedic said:


> I have taken someone to the hospital who complained of a cold and did not like the medication the doctor gave her that afternoon. She put Vapo Rub on her chest waited till 0330 and decided she was not better after a day so called 911 met us at the curb.
> 
> Her Husband followed behind in the car!!!!



No big deal....it's free to them!   

Although a horrendous abuse of the 911 system.


----------



## Station2

*Dispatched for a BANDAID!*

We get a call around 11:30 am for "an approximate 50 year old male patient that fell through a window in a house under construction."  Sounds exciting right?  Turned out that the male patient had "tripped" inside his 5th wheel parked outside the home he was remodeling and hit his hand on a window.  The window cracked, barely, and the gentlemen had a very small scratch on his wrist.  We applied a bandaid, however, it was questionable if it was needed.  I now cosider myself a certified bandaid applier.


----------



## traumateam1

*More than just a coffee..*



			
				Nocturnal_EMT said:
			
		

> We get there and the pt is walking over to the ambulance crying he looks at me and says "i have a boil in my butt and on my privates"
> So i have him jump in the ambulance and once my partner closes the doors he drops his pants and spreads his cheeks! I was speechless!! i told him to lay however he could on the cot and had my male partner tech the call! i couldn't keep a straight face when looking at him!



Haha.. here we go! ^_^

My partner and I were at Tim Hortons 0800 on a Saturday. Just sit down after the Long line up and short staff, when an Indonesian fellow walks up to us.
P/t: Hey.. uhm you guys are medical right?
My partner: Yes we are sir, how can we help you?
P/t: Uhm I have a cyst on my back.. can you take a look at it.
Partner turns around and looks at me.. rolls his eyes and I say: yes we sure can, come outside with us.
So we walk to our rig, partner grabs his BLS jump kit outta the rig. We were expecting him to lift up his shirt, we pop it, drain it and then apply polysporin and non adhesive gauze and go back to coffee. So we got our bag.
Me: Okay sir, lets take a look at that.
P/t: Uh.. well it's not on my back, sorry.. it's on my bum I just call it my backside to be polite.
So he then informs me he just took an international flight from Indonesia and he thinks that the long flight caused it.. he informs my partner and I that he is staying in the hotel right across the street from here.. I'm gonna refer him to a hosp. when my partner says we'll go over and take a look. 
So just then my partners family just arrives.. forget why, so I grab the bag and start walking with him over to the hotel while my partner talks to his family and gets the rig. He tells me he's a scientist here for some confrence and yadda yadda... so we get into his room
P/t: So should I just drop my pants?
Me: Uh ye...
P/t drops his pants and pulls out some bloody paper towel, spreads them open wide and says "can you see?"
My partner gives me a laugh and says ENJOY! So then I take a look and tell him he's gotta go to the hospital.
I give him some polysporin and a non stick gauze to shove in there, tell him how to get to the hospital and we are on our way. 
Laughed our heads off once we got back in the rig.


----------



## Bosco578

traumateam1 said:


> Haha.. here we go! ^_^
> 
> My partner and I were at Tim Hortons 0800 on a Saturday. Just sit down after the Long line up and short staff, when an Indonesian fellow walks up to us.
> P/t: Hey.. uhm you guys are medical right?
> My partner: Yes we are sir, how can we help you?
> P/t: Uhm I have a cyst on my back.. can you take a look at it.
> Partner turns around and looks at me.. rolls his eyes and I say: yes we sure can, come outside with us.
> So we walk to our rig, partner grabs his BLS jump kit outta the rig. We were expecting him to lift up his shirt, we pop it, drain it and then apply polysporin and non adhesive gauze and go back to coffee. So we got our bag.
> Me: Okay sir, lets take a look at that.
> P/t: Uh.. well it's not on my back, sorry.. it's on my bum I just call it my backside to be polite.
> So he then informs me he just took an international flight from Indonesia and he thinks that the long flight caused it.. he informs my partner and I that he is staying in the hotel right across the street from here.. I'm gonna refer him to a hosp. when my partner says we'll go over and take a look.
> So just then my partners family just arrives.. forget why, so I grab the bag and start walking with him over to the hotel while my partner talks to his family and gets the rig. He tells me he's a scientist here for some confrence and yadda yadda... so we get into his room
> P/t: So should I just drop my pants?
> Me: Uh ye...
> P/t drops his pants and pulls out some bloody paper towel, spreads them open wide and says "can you see?"
> My partner gives me a laugh and says ENJOY! So then I take a look and tell him he's gotta go to the hospital.
> I give him some polysporin and a non stick gauze to shove in there, tell him how to get to the hospital and we are on our way.
> Laughed our heads off once we got back in the rig.



Nasty!  Give him a roll of kling to cram in there!


----------



## Bosco578

sabbymedic said:


> I have taken someone to the hospital who complained of a cold and did not like the medication the doctor gave her that afternoon. She put Vapo Rub on her chest waited till 0330 and decided she was not better after a day so called 911 met us at the curb.
> 
> Her Husband followed behind in the car!!!!



These "people" are everywere. I have had similar calls like this. Just makes my blood boil. People really are tards.


----------



## traumateam1

sabbymedic  said:
			
		

> I have taken someone to the hospital who complained of a cold and did not like the medication the doctor gave her that afternoon. She put Vapo Rub on her chest waited till 0330 and decided she was not better after a day so called 911 met us at the curb.
> 
> Her Husband followed behind in the car!!!!



This is when *we* should be able to refuse treatment/transport!!!


----------



## BossyCow

Mmmmmmm Tim Bits!


----------



## cuvtixo

*From the other side (in the U.S. at least)*

I probably shouldn't post this, partly because I'm just a student, not EMT yet, and partly because its from when* I* was the patient, but...  I drove myself to the hospital one evening for an emergency ------ (under the circumstances, I keeping this private) and waited about three hours while an intake person was arguing with my insurance company about coverage.  I had tried to get my doctor's answering service to page my gp earlier, without getting a response, and was unable to wait to make an appt (take my word on this).  The lady (I think she was an intake nurse) then came and told me that if anything like this comes up to call 911 and get an ambulance.  "But..." I argued "this problem has nothing to do with my ability to drive to the hospital!"  She patiently told me it doesn't matter, that health insurance companies will much less likely challenge a claim, and approve treatment quickly if someone calls 911 and calls it an emergency, no matter what the condition is.  
So while I realize there are a lot of patients who abuse the system out of stupidity, this kind of behavior is actually ENCOURAGED by the system.  People know you're writing up _something_ to present to insurance companies, and may be afraid they won't get ANY treatment unless they make outrageous claims.  It sucks.


----------



## Trailpatrol

*Teaching First Aid*

Some of my wierdest situations have happened when I have been teaching first aid, apart from DVD players spazzing out, projectors dying, etc.

MN requires special-needs transport drivers to go through 20 hours of training, including 4 hours of Basic First Aid. The program I use has a fairly graphic (simulated) thumb amputation scene, and one of the drivers did not tell me he had a problem with the sight of blood. During that scene, he went out of the room to get a bottle of water. Coming back into the room, he fainted and fell face-forward on the floor. I got over to him and found he had split open the bridge of his nose, obviously broken his nose. split his upper lip, knocked two teeth loose and wasn't breathing due to his tongue blocking his airway. I stabilized the spine, got the airway and had someone call 911. Needless to say, I had to come back a few days later and finish the class, using an older, animated program.

Another time I was teaching Wilderness First Aid at a church, to a Boy Scout troop going to Philmont. There was a minor medical emergency in the church office, and the parish nurse asked my opinion. I agreed with her it was best to let the medics handle it, but stayed in the office and she called 911. While I was doing this, my class was practicing their CPR skills in the fellowship hall, with large glass windows facing the parking lot. The First Responder units pull in the lot, and sees the scouts doing CPR through the windows, and call it in as "CPR in progress". Well, you can imagine how surprised :glare: everyone was when they all finally figured out what was really going on.

This one wasn't a teaching incident, but I use it in every first aid/first responder class I teach, to stress the importance of good Patient Assessment. I used to live in a very rural fire district in upstate New York. I was captain of the non-transporting rescue squad, and lived on the north end of the district. Our fire hall was on the south end, so it was not uncommon for me to respond directly to the scene on north-side calls, and start treatment until he rest of the squad, or the the ambulance from the next village arrived. One afternoon I got toned out for a PI-MVA on the bridge below my house. I got down there, and saw that there was a firefighter's blue light in the wreckage of this Pinto that has spun out on the bridge, so I knew it was another FF volunteer. The neighbors were yelling at me from a nearby house, "She's up here!" I get up to the house, and here is this gal lying on the sofa, A&Ox4, but CC of severe pain in the upper right quadrant of the Abd. I palped the ab, and she jerked and guarded from pain, rigid and tender. The chief from the transporting department was there at that point and I asked, "Doug, where's the ambulance?" He answered, "It's outside." I asked,"Where's the medic?" He looks at me and answered, "_You're working on her_." I looked at her and she said, "You're doing fine." (She was an AEMT-III--which only means anything if your were a NYS EMT 20 years ago-- I was an EMT-B at the time, but had been a paramedic about 4 years previous, before reciprocity.) I replied, "I hope so!" The chief asked, "You are going in with us, right?" We got her packaged, in MAST (remember them??) and were sent directly to Syracuse, an hour away. She survived.  Really stressed the point of good PAS. Her name was Donna, and we became really good friends and worked a lot of runs together until I moved out here to MN.

Oh yeah, after we dopped her at Upstate, this doc walks up to me in the ER and sticks out his hand. "You're Hans E*****, aren't you?" I replied that I was. He said, "Good job with the abdomen injury....You don't remember me, so you?" I told him no, I didn't. He says, "I'm Kurt K*****. You were my Sunday School teacher when I was in 6th grade." I came back with something really bright, like, "You're a doctor now?" (Duh!:huh Yeah, he is.

Run safe!
Hans


----------



## eric2068

*Ridiculous Call*

Of course this call out a 4:00 am, we were dispatched, with fire department, on a chest pain. Well, the patient was waiting at the curb, with suitcase packed ready to go. I canceled fire, put him in the bus, and started my asessment. Turns out his chest pain started in his foot (no I am not making this up) and radiated to his chest. I guess this was a case of Cardio-pedal ischemia. Be safe, be strong.:wacko:


----------



## abriggs

These are freaking great:lol:. I cannot wait.


----------



## ProLogic

Hahahahahahaha. These are hilarious!! Keep em' coming!


----------



## Medexpresso

A few years ago we had a minor 2 vehicle MVA on a major highway going into the city. I walked up the burm to a female sitting in a vehicle in the driver side, I was on the passenger side. I stuck my head in the passenger side window an began to ask "Maam, are you..." only to be distracted by the LIFESIZE kermit the frog doll sitting in the passenger seat, SEATBELTED with full lap and shoulder belt...yes...... so I asked kermit if he was okay ...I got a dirty look from the driver who was busy rummaging through the mound of papers in the glovebox for her insurance information..needless to say they both refused EMS...years later the trooper and I still laugh about that when we see eachother!


----------



## HokieEMT

Back in July I ran a call for a 19yo female complaining of non traumatic sever back pain.  Dispatch said the caller was located somewhere on a trail in our Box Coverage.  So we tried to get them to call back but there was no answer.  So we start back with our Polaris bringing up the rear.  We walk about a half mile and pass a man walking to other way who also was the caller.  He walked farther back with us for about another 1/4 mile or so until we came upon two females.  One bent over at the waist complaining of sever back pain.  So we get her in the front seat of the Polaris and take her out.  Supposedly the whole way she was whining and moaning that her back was killing her.  When we walk out they are loading her in the back of the medic (some of the FFs were EMTs as well) and she has her hands clamped down on her ears and eyes shut.  We start laughing not knowing that it's about to get better.  When we get in the back of the medic we are starting to set up for patient assessment.  Our attendant an EMT-P and our EMS 1st LT climbs in the back and closes one of the doors and all the sudden the pt screams and starts saying please dont close the doors because she is claustrophobic.  So he closes the other door with that "Oh really" look on his face and we all smile and laugh on the inside.  Suffice to say she refused and went in a POV.  We had a good laugh about that one and it got us out of the training, Tanker Ops, going on back at the station.


----------



## fma08

70ish y/o female, complaining that she was experiencing labor pains because another female (of child bearing age) was pregnant in her building and was in labor. Yes there was a pregnant lady in the building but only about 6 months and not in labor.. <_<


----------



## moonfire197

Im going to tell this story of a phone call a friend of mine received at the fire dept. he is employed at.  

FF-  Fire Department Dave Speaking
Caller-  I live at 111 11th St. and have something I think you need to know.
FF- Yes mam what is that.
Caller-  I just thought you should be aware that I just dismantled a nuclear weapon in my basement.
FF-  Excuse me?
Caller- I JUST DISMANTLED A NUCLEAR WEAPON IN MY BASEMENT!  I thought you should be aware of this.
FF- What does it look like?
CLICK

I turned out to be one of the local crazies and nothing came of it but thought it was extremely funny!


----------



## mbcwgrl

This is by far not the most crazy call I have ever been on... But really funny.

We ran on a 30 something female at about 22:00... We initially got called non emergent to stage in the area because she was possibly armed... Well... another call dropped about 2 miles from our call and the police officer that was responding diverted to that call (who can blame him... that call was a T-bone accident with 5-6 pts) We went ahead and stepped it up to emergent and when my partner and I got there we found a 30 something female laying spread eagle buck naked on her bed. DRUNK AS A SKUNK! I know thats not too funny but get this... 2 MONTHS later my partner and I get called to a rollover in front of a fire station... The area has a very slow speed limit and the whole time we are responding we cant figure out how you roll your car at that intersection... We get there sure enough there is a car on its side and a 30 something buck naked female sitting beside the car. It took all we could  do not to bust up laughing... We couldnt hold it in when the FF came up to us (one of the same ones on the last call) and said "I think its our spread eagle lady.... I guess they released her from the mental hospital early" The best part was he had a very straight face and was not trying to be funny at all!


----------



## housert

We just had this call this morning around 1100.

"Squad 7, you have a run to such and such address in reference to a gentleman complaining of the shakes and needing beer".  

The dispatcher could hardly keep from laughing.  Turns out it was a frequent flyer who is a major alcoholic and was going through withdrawl because he hadn't had a beer since late last night!


----------



## Buzz

Here's one from a few weeks ago. We were responding to a local nursing home for a psych eval with PD en route. We arrive and find the patient strapped into a wheel chair and that the home had never actually called the police because they didn't want to involve the legal system. They said they had already loaded her up with haldol and ativan but weren't allowed to technically restrain the patient so they got creative with the belt to stop her from getting out of the chair. I'm sitting there at the nurses station getting the paperwork and this little 84 year old lady is like "IM GOING TO KILL A :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:!" over and over again h34r:. The nurse gets out a bag of "evidence" as she called it. In it is the multiple signs she'd pulled off the walls, a pill crusher she'd stolen and threatened to bludgeon a nurse to death with it, and a large shiv she'd fashioned from one of the broken signs. While the nurse is showing us this, the patient slips under the restraint and tries hanging herself on the lap belt. About thirty seconds go by and my partner walks over and is like "yeah, I guess we should stop her..." We undo the lap belt and try to walk her over to the stretcher and she's like "I need to go get something from my room." We gave her the two options: You sit down there or WE sit you down there. We then wrapped her tightly in a sheet and tightened the belts over her in an attempt to stop her hands from getting loose  in the back of the ambulance. We're almost to the hospital and she managed to get a hand free and went right for the trauma sheers on my belt. I stop her and we get to the hospital and she has a complete 180 and is acting all sweetly toward everyone in the ER. :glare:


----------



## traumateam1

I just heard this one on the radio.. made me and everyone (including dispatch and responding unit) laugh.

Dispatch: Units responding, be advised I have downgraded the call. Patient states he can't find his pulse and thinks he's dead. He said he'll be waiting for you at the door.
Unit: (laughing) 10-4 dispatch.. ahh I love these calls.


----------



## traumateam1

traumateam1 said:


> I just heard this one on the radio.. made me and everyone (including dispatch and responding unit) laugh.
> 
> Dispatch: Units responding, be advised I have downgraded the call. Patient states he can't find his pulse and thinks he's dead. He said he'll be waiting for you at the door.
> Unit: (laughing) 10-4 dispatch.. ahh I love these calls.



Turned out to be atrial flutter.


----------



## Sasha

traumateam1 said:


> I just heard this one on the radio.. made me and everyone (including dispatch and responding unit) laugh.
> 
> Dispatch: Units responding, be advised I have downgraded the call. Patient states he can't find his pulse and thinks he's dead. He said he'll be waiting for you at the door.
> Unit: (laughing) 10-4 dispatch.. ahh I love these calls.



Tell him to find it with his thumb, and press real hard! He will find some kind of pulse then!

How did he discover it missing? Did he just randomly decide to check it?

I love the laypersons who go to check their pulse and are palpating around on the ulnar side of their wrist or just randomly slap two fingers on their neck and freak.


----------



## traumateam1

Sasha said:


> Tell him to find it with his thumb, and press real hard! He will find some kind of pulse then!
> 
> How did he discover it missing? Did he just randomly decide to check it?
> 
> I love the laypersons who go to check their pulse and are palpating around on the ulnar side of their wrist or just randomly slap two fingers on their neck and freak.



Lol! Not exactly to sure what caused him to check.. maybe because he was feeling faint and (I think) he had a hx of cardiac problems. 

And yes I love watching the layperson try to find a pulse..
side story: a person went down, brief syncopal episode.. so a volunteer first aid attendant tries to find the pulse, the pt is awake and talking, a RN comes over and starts talking to the pt. The first aid attendant comes over and  starts freaking out because they can't find a radial pulse, like full blown freaking out about to call for an ambo. The nurse looks over at the first aider and said "the patient is up and talking.. I think thats a good sign"

Haha...


----------



## eric2068

Was called out for a seizure patient at an M.D. office (bad feeling #1).
When we got there, patient was on the floor seizuring (this is what the nurse called it, bad feeling #2). I.V. with catheter was hanging from hook(bad feeling #3). When asked, the nurse replied that they pulled the I.V. when the patient started "seizuring", so they wouldn't have an embolism. HUH?:wacko:
On the despite their best efforts the patient survived side, they had the patient on 4lpm of O2, via simple mask. 
On the bad side, I ignored that little voice in my head that was saying "SHUT UP", and I asked the nurse if she ate an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast.
On the bright side, some O's, Some fluid, little valium, patient did fine.


----------



## keith10247

My favourite was a call for a "Public Service" which consisted of a 70yr old woman who weighed about 500lbs fell off the toilet and pinned herself between the toilet and the bath tub in front of her.  We show up and there she is, legs wrapped around the toilet and the side of her face against the bath tub.  Of course she did not get a chance to clean-up and was wearing only a moo-moo (apparently a hot commodity in the 400+lbs range).  I was lucky, since the bathroom was very narrow, I was told to stand outside.  They rolled her on to a towel and started dragging her to the door.  We had to take the door off of the hinges.  Once she reached the threshold between the carpet and tile, the towel completely shred in half.  We went and got a salvage cover from the engine (the hallway runner) and rolled her on to that.  the 4 of us then dragged her in to her bedroom and had to of course lift her in to bed.

We head back to the station and were sitting in the kitchen eating  when we get toned out for a "public service".  Well the lady was not feeling comfortable and tried to adjust herself in bed and fell out.  We show up, put on our gloves and grabbed the salvage cover again.  We hoist her back in to bed (further in to the middle of the poor king sized bed) and leave.  Oh, best part of this whole thing is that she was not vomiting her lunch, which consisted of popcorn.  

We head back to the station again and were settling in for the evening when we get toned out for another public service...same house same person same problem.  Once again rolled out of bed.  This time I grabbed the reeves, a little easier to lift than a salvage cover since it has something to grip on to.  We toss her back in to bed and clear the scene.

As we were getting in to bed we get toned out for another public service.  Lady had to go to the bathroom and wanted us to help her.  We called a medic this time because obviously there are some issues going on.  She refused to go to the hospital to get checked out (she was in pain whenever we moved her).  She also was laying in bed telling her husband (70yrs 140lbs wet) that something was on her face.  He swatted her hand away from her face so it was no longer touching and all was good.   

Turns out dude forgot to give her her insulin (obviously diabetic issues were suspected).  We wrote the address up on the white board to give the guys a heads up about the situation in case they get toned out again.  15 minutes past shift change, they get toned out for a sickness...same house, same lady.  She of course was in worse physical shape (hygiene wise) so the ambulance crew was in for an unpleasant morning.


----------



## mycrofft

*Invention of the "Swanee Governor".*

"Big Swanee" (aka "Swanson") was actually very big, down to earth, and pretty smart, good driver, so perfect rescue truck material..except he didn't wanna.
We wanted him bad, though, so we took him out to or local wrecked F-100 fighter plane and ruined the Jaws of Life's shears letting him do some damage to it, when we get a call across base of a child not breathing.
So we pile in, Swanee's behind me in the jump seat and I'm code three in this meadow, trying to bounce out to the road...when these two big hands settle around my throat and tighten down a little. I slow down, the bouncing reduces, the grip loosens a little. A little experimentation showed that the "Swanee governor" was set to about the equivalent of a Richter Scale 6.5(about twenty mph) in the rough field we soon left. He never rode with us again. I think his head left dents in that Powerwagon's ceiling.


----------



## Airwaygoddess

*Patients can say the greatest things!!*



traumateam1 said:


> I just heard this one on the radio.. made me and everyone (including dispatch and responding unit) laugh.
> 
> Dispatch: Units responding, be advised I have downgraded the call. Patient states he can't find his pulse and thinks he's dead. He said he'll be waiting for you at the door.
> Unit: (laughing) 10-4 dispatch.. ahh I love these calls.



BLESS HIS HEART!!!  Airwaygoddess is laughing so hard that her ribs hurt!! ^_^^_^


----------



## Rh_emt-p

we got a call to an office department, a janitor got a garden hose stuck up his rectum ON!!!


----------



## aussieemt1980

Rh_emt-p said:


> we got a call to an office department, a janitor got a garden hose stuck up his rectum ON!!!



Shouldnt laugh, but I did, I just thought of the janitor off scrubs and thought that may dr dorian may have got to him, but, I think I speak for the morbidly curious when I ask what the explanation was...


----------



## flhtci01

Wonder if it was any relation to enema granny http://www.emtlife.com/showthread.php?t=9699

LMAO


----------



## FF-EMT Diver

We had a guy who got a 9" cucumber turned sideways in his rectum, Claims he came home from grocery shopping, put it on the couch, Stripped down cause he was hot sat down on the couch and Voila.

Believe that right!!


----------



## Blacke00

...rectum?! damn near killed em!!

sorry, couldn't resist...best punchline ever! I don't even know if there's a joke that goes with it...

Kevin


----------



## Sasha

11PM lift assist for a *615lb *patient who being transported home after leaving the hospital. Who of COURSE lived in raised house so we had to carry her up four steps. Our two crews just couldnt safely carry her and there was no other available unit, so we called the local FD and they sent out two of their strongest guys and we six pointed her. Stretcher didnt wanna fit through the hallway, lady claimed she could walk with assistance, so two ff were gonna stand her, keep hold of her and walk her into the room? Yeah, she couldnt stand and ended up falling on one of the guys... 

Incident reports and back pain all around!


----------



## EMTinNEPA

Old Lady: "I haven't had a bowel movement in three days, and whenever I try, it feels like somebody's holding a lighter up to my rectum."

My Medic: "Ok, we'll go get our stretcher and be right back."

*out of earshot of the patient*

Medic: "This has BLS written all over it."

Me: "Oh, Ron, WHY?!?!?!?!?"


----------



## sixmaybemore

> On the bad side, I ignored that little voice in my head that was saying "SHUT UP", and I asked the nurse if she ate an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast.



LOL I really have to work that into a conversation sometime this week.


----------



## JerseyEMT87

we brought a lady to the ER at 0115 on a Monday morning because she was constipated. A little cranky for a early morning call for something like this, we get there. she is constipated (elderly woman - 89) because she sat down on her shower chair on the soap and it went up her rear. REALLY!?


----------



## Buzz

JerseyEMT87 said:


> we brought a lady to the ER at 0115 on a Monday morning because she was constipated. A little cranky for a early morning call for something like this, we get there. she is constipated (elderly woman - 89) because she sat down on her shower chair on the soap and it went up her rear. REALLY!?



Hot damn... a valid "I sat on it!" story?


----------



## JerseyEMT87

Buzz said:


> Hot damn... a valid "I sat on it!" story?



yes it was lol. She told us and we were like really lady? and she was living with her sister who heard her scream lol. When we got to the hospital and I told them it was so hard to keep a straight face:lol:


----------



## wxduff

Last night we got a call for a student who was restless and had a racing heartbeat.

Got there, took her pulse, it was 104, and she seemed way too awake for 0230. While questioning her, our attendant can't seem to find the problem. I look around the room, spot a tea box. I ask my attendant for a couple questions.

Me: Did you have anything to eat or drink before going to bed?

Her: Oh yes, I've been drinking tea recently, It seems to relax me.

Me: What kind of tea?

Her: English Breakfast and Green Tea recently.

Me: How long have you been drinking tea before going to bed?

Her: About a week now.

Me: How long have you been having trouble going to sleep?

Her: A few day or so. What does my tea have to do with this?

Me: Tea has caffeine, which elevates your heart rate and makes you restless. I'd recommend herbal tea before you go to bed from now on...

Just what we wanted, to drive through a lake effect snowstorm to tell a patient to stop drinking tea at night...


----------



## JonTullos

wxduff said:


> Last night we got a call for a student who was restless and had a racing heartbeat.
> 
> Got there, took her pulse, it was 104, and she seemed way too awake for 0230. While questioning her, our attendant can't seem to find the problem. I look around the room, spot a tea box. I ask my attendant for a couple questions.
> 
> Me: Did you have anything to eat or drink before going to bed?
> 
> Her: Oh yes, I've been drinking tea recently, It seems to relax me.
> 
> Me: What kind of tea?
> 
> Her: English Breakfast and Green Tea recently.
> 
> Me: How long have you been drinking tea before going to bed?
> 
> Her: About a week now.
> 
> Me: How long have you been having trouble going to sleep?
> 
> Her: A few day or so. What does my tea have to do with this?
> 
> Me: Tea has caffeine, which elevates your heart rate and makes you restless. I'd recommend herbal tea before you go to bed from now on...
> 
> Just what we wanted, to drive through a lake effect snowstorm to tell a patient to stop drinking tea at night...



Goodness.  I wonder how much she drank that night.  Had to be more than one cup.


----------



## wxduff

Her roommate said she saw her drink 3 nice tall glasses. Like 24+ ounce cups, and that she had only been there since later on, and the patient said she had more before, although maybe only a cup or two.

Afterwords when on medications we also found out she had been kind-of taking her thyroid meds here and there. You know, whenever she felt like it. She did calm down as we after we got her in the rig and off to the hospital, her pulse dropped to almost 80 or so. We transported just because we were still concerned about the original number. 

Got another call today for a head injury at 0600. For the second night in a row our driver had to go through un-plowed roads. The tea call was through 2 inches of sleet, and this morning was through 8 inches of snow... :blink:


----------



## Sasha

I already grossed ffemt out with this one, so I thought I would share!

Yesterday I had a patient, because my partner so kindly downgraded her to BLS. 

She was very fat. Very very fat. Asking her weight went a little something like this:
"How much do you weigh?" 
"200lbs"
"*laughcoughchoke* Sorry.. swallowed my gum"

BUT that's not the ridiculous part. THAT part is because: her cheif complaint was a burn to her vulva.

This was an OLD burn to her vulva. It had happened last week, she had popped the blister, and now it was oozing bright yellow pus. And yes, she insisted that I examine this first hand.

If anyone needs the mind bleach after reading that, I think ffemt has some spare.


----------



## RESQ_5_1

When I was doing orientation for my current service, got called to a house party for a woman in her late 40s who is "unresponsive". We get there, and are instantly surrounded by a family of Newfoundlanders ( my Canadian Comrades know what I'm talking about). Anyway, her chief complaint is that she is going in and out of conciousness. Apparently after injesting a generous amount of rye and Cokes (go figger). She is Alert and cognitive on scene until she suddenly has another syncopal episode. The paramedic I'm with was about to sign her off but decides to explain to everyone present that due to being unconcious he has to take her to the hospital.

We transport her and are met at the Emerg by her husband. While paperwork is being done, it's just me and 2 drunk Newfies in the main trauma room. Suddenly, the wife goes syncopal again. The husband places the back edge of his hand against her TRACHEA and says he can't feel a pulse. I assure him there is nothing to worry about because I can see her Carotid pulsating with each heartbeat from almost 6 feet away. He says he doesn't understand why she keeps passing out and I fight back the urge to explain to him some of the more obvious side effects of alcohol intoxication.


----------



## BossyCow

Lol.. but it was only a few rye & cokes eh? Surely that wouldn't make a newfie pass out eh? Must be sumthin' wrong wither!


----------



## Hal9000

*Just today*

Not nearly the most ridiculous, but amusing.  We had freezing rain with glaze ice; all the cars were coated with the stuff.  Have to break it off to get in to the vehicle.

Anyway, two soon-to-be patients decide not to wear their seatbelts and...pass a car at >60 MPH in a 40 zone...by a State Trooper...and a fire hall.  

Boom, crash, bang! 

 I asked the driver why she did it...she said she didn't think there would be ice on the road.  Never mind that her car and everything else was covered...and that no one else was going over 40.

Plus, she'd just turned 18, too...and she ran the other guy off the road...bet there's gonna be heck to pay for that...


----------



## RESQ_5_1

BossyCow said:


> Lol.. but it was only a few rye & cokes eh? Surely that wouldn't make a newfie pass out eh? Must be sumthin' wrong wither!



Apperently, she's not much of a drinker according to her family. And I'm sure they were more than picking up her slack.


----------



## m_b_williamson

today i got a call responding to a pt stuck under her bed, so we arrive on scene to an elderly dementia pt jammed up under her bed, i have no idea how she got there we were all baffeled as to how she managed to get all the way under the bed, given she couldnt crawl around, the family said she could have easily been there for nearly a day


----------



## SpudCrushr

EMTSteve said:


> Called to a 42 y/o male with a c/c "I think I'm having a heart attack".
> We arrive on scene and find him lying UC on the living room floor.
> We check vitals.... all WNL.
> After establishing an IV, hooking him to the 12 lead and several other things
> Um.. okay. We decided to do some "tests".
> First the hand drop test(s)... FAILED (missed his face every time)
> Tried inserting a OPA... FAILED (clenched his jaw tighter then a dolphins butt)
> So we were pretty sure this guy is faking it.
> We get to the ED and drop him off and give the story to the RN.
> She turns around and walks into the Pts room and loudly says " Okay we are going to need to get his temp.... hand me the rectal thermometer"
> 
> The Pt. suddenly awakes, jumps up and yells NOO.
> 
> Turns out he was having problems with his soon to be ex-wife and was looking for attention.



LOL! That's great


----------



## tah06090

57 yr old male embeded tick at 1130pm


----------



## Sasha

Ooooh ooooh. Call from a nursing home, on a general transport BLS truck. "Severe head and neck pain 10/10 following a slip and fall" Wanna know how long ago the slip and fall was? 10 hours beforehand. Roll in with a back board and stuff for spinal percautions, nurse stares, blinks "What did you bring that for?"


----------



## TheAfterAffect

Got a Nursing home "Emergency Call" (Someone really needs to teach this Nursing Home Nurses/Techs what a REAL Emergency is) for a 76 Y/o Male with, as they put it, "Abnormal Sexual Tendencies". 

My partner and I literally just looked at the text message (This is for my paid company, and rather then our dispatchers actually talking to us like humans we get text messages) and said, There is no way in hell I am wasting my lunch for that. We were each about halfway through sandwiches we bought for lunch, So yeah, We finished, and drove over there, Non Code3 of course. Arrived on scene, Went up stairs to the Pt's floor. Floor Nurse told us the call was cancelled. Seems they just decided that locking his door would do the trick.

But yeah, Apparently the Pt was Slapping young nurses and techs on their rears, and making crude advances on them. How in the hell is that an emergency, Idk. It just sounds like a horny old man to me.


----------



## YYCmedic

hmmm... theres alot of them but this one sticks out right now for some reason.

pt states "My finger hurts" ...how long has this been happening? "my whole life but i cant deal with it anymore, its time to go to the hospital!" pt is 66 years old..... yupp, i love crackheads downtown!


----------



## jochi1543

TJ_EMT said:


> hmmm... theres alot of them but this one sticks out right now for some reason.
> 
> pt states "My finger hurts" ...how long has this been happening? "my whole life but i cant deal with it anymore, its time to go to the hospital!" pt is 66 years old..... *yupp, i love crackheads downtown!*



Let me guess, at the Cecil?


----------



## SkyAce

Had a EMS call last night about 0200 for increase pulse to 89. LOL I love nursing homes!


----------



## dslprod

Paranini said:


> Had a drunk climb into the back of a PD K9 car with the dog inside.  After we were able to pull him out with several bites to the legs, he told us he thought it was a taxi.  Also had a homeless frequent flyer who had run out of legit complaints so he told us his nipples hurt, LOL




oh man this one made my day ! Lmao


----------



## DR_KSIDE

*Are you kidding...*

My crew was called out to assist a person with putting on their neck brace. We got there and the person had taken the brace apart to clean it, but could not remember how to put it back together. After about 5-7 mins we finally reassembled it and put it back on them. Love to help people but sometimes you just wonder "why"?


----------



## SES4

*Wow....*



dr_kside said:


> my crew was called out to assist a person with putting on their neck brace. We got there and the person had taken the brace apart to clean it, but could not remember how to put it back together. After about 5-7 mins we finally reassembled it and put it back on them. Love to help people but sometimes you just wonder "why"?



wow..... Lol.


----------



## JonTullos

A guy I did my dispatch gig with told me that he had a guy attempting suicide via chainsaw on the phone.  He kept threatening to do it and, of course, Justin (the dispatcher) was doing his all to keep him from doing it.  He started the chainsaw and then started screaming.  He turned it off and decided he wanted an ambulance for his wounds.  He said he wasn't going to kill himself because it hurt too badly.  Maybe not ridiculous but I was kindda like, "you have to be kidding, did he really think it wouldn't hurt?"

Maybe I just have a warped sense of humor. 

Jonathan


----------



## Blueorchid

This was a call my EMT-B instructor had…hope I get one of these gems some day soon- just finished my test! 

Receive a call to the local 7-11 for a “CPR in progress,” fire crews are on scene and my lieutenant rolls up in his medic. As he and his partner get out of the car they see the crew walking out the door and all of them are laughing so you figure this has to be good. They get inside to find the patient in the back cupping the carotid pulse. He responds, has an airway, doesn’t look like he has trouble breathing, and they ask him why he’s clutching his neck (was this some kind of trauma?). His response?

“I’m feeling my pulse”
Why’s that?
“Well what if its stops?”
*after a looong pause*…Good point. Want to go to the hospital?

The patient agrees, by the way this was not an ETOH guy or any sort of altered mental status, he seemed awake alert and oriented, no blood or problems on his neck. Vitals are still taken but as he stands up he gets this look on his face and stops with the reply of “Hey guys! I can’t feel my pulse!”

He proceeds to start his own chest compressions, and did so as they took him all the way to the hospital. When they brought him in (still doing compressions) the charge nurse took one look and shuttled him to the waiting room.

Gotta love self-CPR


----------



## aidan

self-CPR, hahaha. I always thought that a general rule of thumb is: if the patient can perform self-CPR, the patient doesn't _need_ CPR 

ok actually I just now made that rule of thumb up.


----------



## Medic

LOL some people have random issues, I heard about a call that a rural ambo responeded to, a medical call, the ambo reached the call deep in Alexander(our local town ship, very dangerous) for a male that has "a warm leg", and does not know why. 

A waste of time in my opinion.


----------



## Hal9000

*Fire and medical*

Just dispatched for a structure fire, revised to chimney fire.  Sheriff is first on scene, stands everyone down.  People had just gotten a wood stove and didn't know why smoke was coming out the top, worried that something was on fire.  

I don't know why I let stupidity surprise me anymore.


----------



## danguitar12345

*Stress/Asthma/BS*

Woman complaining of chest pain turned out to be a stress/asthma attack and she kept on saying how she didn't think it was a broken rib and i was thinking well hell I didn't ask you if you thought you broke a rib.


----------



## ChristinaM

Oh.. I have a good one...

I was blessed to have worked in Boca Raton, Palm Beach County, Florida.. primarily a very wealthy retirement community.

We got a call one night at about 0200 for a traumatic injury. Upon arrival at the residence, an elderly female in the bed informed us that her toenail was stuck in her bedding and she needed help getting it loose.

Mind you, her husband was standing by watching the entire event and proceeded to watch us free her from her imprisonment and leave.

Oh... those were the days...


----------



## mcrs41

5 mosquito bites, no car, didn't know what to do


----------



## Shishkabob

We get a call at 0520 (10 minutes before getting off.. been on for 12 hours) for a priority 3 sick person on the opposite side of the city (30 min drive)

Get out there and FD was already there.  A FF came out and warned us that she was a frequent flier.  We go in and she c/o ab pain.  We get her in to the truck and I go to take her BP and she pulls away.  I  was like "ma'am, I have to take your blood pressure" and all she did was turn away and stare off into a cabinet.

Being the good EMT student I was, I told my medic, who came in and said "Listen, you called us, we didn't call you, now let us do our job".  She reluctantly gave me her arm and I took vitals. 

Seeing as she wasn't dying, we did vitals before leaving so road artifacts didn't toy with me.  She starts complaining that we're taking too long and said she should have drove her self (mind you, she has 1 leg).  


We get going to the hospital (30 min drive back) the whole time her complaining that we were going too slow and "Oh oh the pain".  


I hate to say it, but it got kind of funny.  My medic was in the captains seat out of her view, so he was laughing, which made me want to laugh but I couldn't since I was next to her.

We finally get to the ER and place the cot against the wall while the medic goes to check her in, and instructed me to stay with her since she kept trying to take the straps off.  Some more complaining ensued, so I turned towards the nurses trying to stiffle a laugh, which they saw, so the nurses started to laugh... yea... didn't end well.



Basically the lady made us 1.5 hours late from our original time due to gas.


----------



## Bosco578

Linuss said:


> We get a call at 0520 (10 minutes before getting off.. been on for 12 hours) for a priority 3 sick person on the opposite side of the city (30 min drive)
> 
> Get out there and FD was already there.  A FF came out and warned us that she was a frequent flier.  We go in and she c/o ab pain.  We get her in to the truck and I go to take her BP and she pulls away.  I  was like "ma'am, I have to take your blood pressure" and all she did was turn away and stare off into a cabinet.
> 
> Being the good EMT student I was, I told my medic, who came in and said "Listen, you called us, we didn't call you, now let us do our job".  She reluctantly gave me her arm and I took vitals.
> 
> Seeing as she wasn't dying, we did vitals before leaving so road artifacts didn't toy with me.  She starts complaining that we're taking too long and said she should have drove her self (mind you, she has 1 leg).
> 
> 
> We get going to the hospital (30 min drive back) the whole time her complaining that we were going too slow and "Oh oh the pain".
> 
> 
> I hate to say it, but it got kind of funny.  My medic was in the captains seat out of her view, so he was laughing, which made me want to laugh but I couldn't since I was next to her.
> 
> We finally get to the ER and place the cot against the wall while the medic goes to check her in, and instructed me to stay with her since she kept trying to take the straps off.  Some more complaining ensued, so I turned towards the nurses trying to stiffle a laugh, which they saw, so the nurses started to laugh... yea... didn't end well.
> 
> 
> 
> Basically the lady made us 1.5 hours late from our original time due to gas.



Wow that was funny.


----------



## milhouse

I would have to say that this was my most "ridiculous" call;

toned out for unknown medical around 1am. mark in route Code 3 since "unknown" dispatch radio's, that caller requests not to run "lights and sirens" because kids are sleeping and doesnt want them woken up. so we down grade per callers request and medic's permission. We AOS to find male PT standing on front porch smoking a cigarette. PT walks up to us as we step out of ambulance. PT states i have a head-ache and want to go to hospital #2 (hospital #1 is our hospital) when we ask the pt why he wants to go to the hosp. #2 and not #1 he states that hospital #1 didnt do a good job for him last time and that he wants to go to the other. keep in mind in order to get to hospital #2 we have to go past ours!!!!!  and what does my medic do ( i could have killed him for this ) he tells the PT fine you want to go to other hospital sign bypass here and get in the back. 

PT had no real medical reason to go to other hospital. needless to say i didnt get back to sleep till almost 3 that morning, and thinking back i should have never down graded per callers request lol....


----------



## Fir Na Au Saol

Got called out once for a sunburn. Told my partenr; "This dude's name better be Icarus!"


----------



## ertech

I was doing an ambulance clinical and we was dispatched to a house for a complaint of leg paralysis,upon arrival we found it was a kid who fell asleep sitting on a toilet,his legs fell asleep and his mom called 911


----------



## Doug

Most ridiculas because of buracracy...
Called to a school for maintenence man who cut his finger (it was going to need stitches) but bleeding controlled etc.
  Pt says "I wanted to drive myself or have Jack (other janitor) drive me.  But they won't let me."
  Turns out the school admin has a policy that anything that might be workmans comp claim needs to go by ambulance or they won't pay.


----------



## Doug

I worked for a comapny that covered 911 and non-emegert transports.
We have to get a form filled out decribeing WHY this pt NEEDS an ambulance.  I asked the nurse to fill it out and she said "What am I supposed to write?"  I said that I didn't know I don't know the pt.  So she gts pissed and thinks she is being smart and says "Well, I'll just write that the pt is at risk for Sudden Cardiac Arrest."  To which I said "Um...we all are...that's the definition of sudden Cardiac arrest."  She argued back that that's what she's putting and she's not going to change it.  So I countered "Do you REALLY want it on your record that you discharged a pt that you thought was at possible immediate risk for cardiac arrest?  Cause if you put that on the paper I'm going to stop at the ER on the way out and tell them that I need to have a pt evaluated for risk of SCA."  She turned white and admitted that the pt needed a wheelchair van but there wasn't one available for 30 minutes and they wanted him out NOW.  Thank you, there will be chair transport here in 30 minutes, bye.


----------



## Sasha

Haha. I always had them sign the CMN, and if they didn't fill it out and it wasn't obvious as to why they needed ambulance transport, I just turned it in without the boxes checked and let billing deal with it. ^_^


----------



## medic417

Sasha said:


> Haha. I always had them sign the CMN, and if they didn't fill it out and it wasn't obvious as to why they needed ambulance transport, I just turned it in without the boxes checked and let billing deal with it. ^_^




If the forms not filled out we do not roll on the few transfers we handle.  Policy requires a properly filled out form, failure to get a properly filled out form is grounds for termination.  If they refuse to provide it we leave.


----------



## jochi1543

C/C from dispatch: "queer sensation in head."


......................


----------



## Sasha

medic417 said:


> If the forms not filled out we do not roll on the few transfers we handle.  Policy requires a properly filled out form, failure to get a properly filled out form is grounds for termination.  If they refuse to provide it we leave.



Well I never got in trouble for it, so hakuna matata.


----------



## JPINFV

jochi1543 said:


> C/C from dispatch: "queer sensation in head."
> 
> 
> ......................



Sounds like a reasonable use of the original meaning of queer. After all, who hasn't felt a little queer from time to time?


----------



## jochi1543

JPINFV said:


> Sounds like a reasonable use of the original meaning of queer. After all, who hasn't felt a little queer from time to time?



Here's another one, "choked on juice, conscious and breathing...."















She had Down syndrome, though, so the PCA was just being cautious. But dispatch didn't give us any of that info, so we were like, seriously, choked on juice, conscious and breathing?


----------



## Ryanpfd

I've got two of them.
2am in the morning. A drunk 18 year old getting arrested for a DWI, on the top of her lungs screaming "I can't breathe"
my reply "ma'am its 2am in the morning and your O2 level is fine(at 98%), If you insist you cannot breathe atleast weaze or something to make it believable." 

the second one
I was sent to a call at what looked to be a hobit hole. a man walks out side to meet us by his mail box and sais "Im having a stroke!" my reply "OK! lets get in. Im confused why he is talking and walking ok. turns out his foot was asleep


----------



## Sasha

Ryanpfd said:


> I've got two of them.
> 2am in the morning. A drunk 18 year old getting arrested for a DWI, on the top of her lungs screaming "I can't breathe"
> my reply "ma'am its 2am in the morning and your O2 level is fine(at 98%), If you insist you cannot breathe atleast weaze or something to make it believable."



SpO2 only accounts for hemoglobin saturation. You can have a sat of 100%% but that doesn't mean the tissue is getting perfused. Poor perfusion can definitely account for the "I can't breathe!" 

Don't get so hung up on numbers. Treat the patient, not the pulse ox.


----------



## Katie Elaine

When I was a student doing my ride-time, I rode with a small city ambulance, so I saw a lot or ridiculous calls. But one that sticks out in my mind was a call to a man who had fallen and cut his hand-- in the upper hospital parking lot. So, we had to respond from across town, to let the man walk to the ambulance, sit on the stretcher, put some gauze on the cut, then drive him across the parking lot to the ER.

We had a hint to believe he had a slight altered mental status, but he was with a nurse not 100 yards from the ER doors. We were all pretty confused on that one.


----------



## Buzz

EMT_68W said:


> When I was a student doing my ride-time, I rode with a small city ambulance, so I saw a lot or ridiculous calls. But one that sticks out in my mind was a call to a man who had fallen and cut his hand-- in the upper hospital parking lot. So, we had to respond from across town, to let the man walk to the ambulance, sit on the stretcher, put some gauze on the cut, then drive him across the parking lot to the ER.
> 
> We had a hint to believe he had a slight altered mental status, but he was with a nurse not 100 yards from the ER doors. We were all pretty confused on that one.



Perhaps he wanted immediate treatment? I once got a call for a woman experiencing moderate abdominal pain (but claimed she could walk just fine while she was complaining that we were going to take her in on the stretcher). She called from a pay phone across the street from the ER doors. The way the hospital layout was, there was only a 50yd distance to travel--if you weren't walking in a straight line.




Ridiculous call from not too long ago:
Dispatched to an address across the street from a bar for a male in respiratory distress. We began speculating as to what we were going to run into seeing as dispatch specifically mentioned it was across the street from a fairly popular bar. As we turn onto the street, we see PD lights up the road and figure our suspicions of someone getting pulled over coming out of the bar not wanting to go to jail were correct. We pull up behind the two cruisers, and notice a man standing on the side of the road but no other vehicle. Closer inspection revealed that the address we were given was just a large, heavily wooded lot. We then noticed there were no police to be seen. I got out of the truck and the guy walks over and says "I know this guy, he's not kidding around. Something's wrong.. I don't know if he OD'd or what but he needs help." I asked where he was, and he points off into the woods. Great. I tell my partner (who by now was wearing his fluorescent yellow roadside vest) to grab the pole stretcher because the guy was in the woods. By this time, fire was pulling up behind us (which is odd considering we beat them to the scene with their station literally less than 1 minute down the road--we saw them pulling their rig out of the station as we drove by and they waited to pull out until we'd made it to the scene). I explained what was going on, and we got our stuff and started following the guy through the woods. Well, it's dark and one of the fire guys decides to get the pickup and try to shine the headlights into the woods to give us some more light. So my partner, without letting me know, stops and waits for the fire guys and I keep walking into the darkness alone with the creepy guy. The only light I have at this point is my little flashlight. Through the trees I started noticing fire light and the LEOs standing there. Beer bottles everywhere, piles of human fecal matter, and makeshift shelters were all around us. The pt was sitting, huddled up, rocking back and forth. His clothes appeared wet, he smelled of urine, and his face was blackened. The guy said nothing to us. We put him on the pole stretcher and began the approximately 600 yard walk out of the woods. Periodically, the man would sit up and cough up blackened mucus. We get him into the truck, and he somewhat talks to us. Told us he'd had 10-12 beers and thinks he had a seizure, which he had a history of. He also mentioned that his face, hands, and head hurt. Well, as soon as we got him into the truck with the lights on high, we noticed superficial burns to his face and hands. Said he thinks he might have fallen into the fire--explains that difficulty breathing. We also cut off his wet clothing and tried getting some warm blankets on him as he was fading in and out of the conversation. We attempted to get a B/P and he freaked out on us but said he still wanted to go to the hospital. He was only AOx1-2 at the most, and was beginning to get combative, so we just decided to get going. I ended up calling the hospital with a list of complaints: post-seizure, DIB with facial burns, possible OD, and ETOH intoxication, and pt combative. Throughout the transport, the guy would jump up--or as much as the seatbelts would let him, yell at me, then fall backwards on the stretcher unresponsive again. Got to the hospital and gave my report, which the staff found amusing. When I went back into the room to get a signature from the nurse the patient looks at me and my partner and then at the nurse and says "Those guys are really starting to piss me off." I got a kick out of that.


----------



## Ryanpfd

Sasha said:


> SpO2 only accounts for hemoglobin saturation. You can have a sat of 100%% but that doesn't mean the tissue is getting perfused. Poor perfusion can definitely account for the "I can't breathe!"
> 
> Don't get so hung up on numbers. Treat the patient, not the pulse ox.



I treated the PT fine. Im not going into full detail of the call. We've all seen the person getting arrested thinking if they fake sick they will get out. That was the point.


----------



## amberdt03

call from the dallas va hospital to return a patient room s/p fall. i look at the patient and i'm thinking something isn't right. his right leg is shorter than his left, and it is rotated laterally, so i'm thinking hip fracture. i ask the nurse if anything was wrong with him and they said everything came back negative. so we move this poor vet over to our cot and he starts screaming bloody murder, and i said "sir, i think your hip is broken, but what do i know, i'm just an emt" right in front of his nurse, who starts looking at me like i don't know what i'm talking about. we are driving to his house and i'm driving slow as heck to not hit any bumps. we turn on his street and i get told by dispatch to public service, so i think ah heck they complained on me. i public service and they said we had to go back cause they had just confirmed a hip fracture. i never said the f-word so many times, i must have set a record. my partner apologized to him and said that his hip was broken and we needed to take him back. i felt so bad for him and when we got back i apologized to him and said at least this time he would have a nurse that actually wanted to take care of him and not one that just wanted to go home.



anybody had any similar incidents with any v.a. hospitals?


----------



## Shishkabob

amber, I was doing one up in Denton (you'll recognize the place but I can't say... it's just very.. "vintage" ^_^ ) 

So we get a priority 2 out there for a pt with 2 unwitnessed falls.  PT has hx of fx from falls.  They had her sitting in the wheelchair...complaining of neck, back, and hip pain.

Yea... ok...


----------



## amberdt03

Linuss said:


> amber, I was doing one up in Denton (you'll recognize the place but I can't say... it's just very.. "vintage" ^_^ )
> 
> So we get a priority 2 out there for a pt with 2 unwitnessed falls.  PT has hx of fx from falls.  They had her sitting in the wheelchair...complaining of neck, back, and hip pain.
> 
> Yea... ok...



ha. yeah that place is awesome. glad i don't have to deal with that stuff hardly anymore. probably will when i'm done with this semester though.:sad: gotta make that money.


----------



## InsidiousStealth

Here's a good one I had on my practicum

So we get a call for a "omega" response....yes I said Omega lol

I won't give too much clues as to what dispatch said cause it will ruin the story

So we get there theres 5 cops surrounding one guy with crutches. They wouldnt let him go inside his house to use the bathroom and were about to arrest him. He wasn't aloud inside his house cause he had been physically abusive to his wife. They aloud him to have one phone call before they took him away and he decided to call 911 cause they wouldnt let him go to the bathroom....lol


----------



## mycrofft

*Allowed*

...........


----------



## 46Young

Two: 

A 38 y/o female called us for dry, red, itchy hands, on a suny 60 degree day, five blocks from the hospital, all packed up and ready to go.

A pt that called in a cardiac arrest from a pay phone...... for himself! (bum that wanted a bed and a meal at the hospital)

Oh yeah, any "aye tach" call. You know, female supine on the couch after a verbal altercation with her man or her teenage children, aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye no puedo, aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye no puedo respirar!! Aye tach is more that 200 aye's a minute.


----------



## johnrsemt

Goofiest call:   Engine and Medic Ambulance to certain intersection to check for slippery substance on the road.  In January,  During an Ice Storm.    after the Engine slid through the intersection they call dispatch and stated that the slippery substance on the roads during an ice storm is usually ICE!!


----------



## Handsome Robb

46Young said:


> Oh yeah, any "aye tach" call. You know, female supine on the couch after a verbal altercation with her man or her teenage children, aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye no puedo, aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye aye no puedo respirar!! Aye tach is more that 200 aye's a minute.



We have a name for this at work, I'm not sure if I should post it on here. It's not profane but may be offensive to some :huh:


----------



## DesertMedic66

NVRob said:


> We have a name for this at work, I'm not sure if I should post it on here. It's not profane but may be offensive to some :huh:



We have a name for it too. And it might be offensive to some people as well :rofl:


----------



## IRIDEZX6R

First call as a ride along while still in academy. 42yo/F Her chief complaint being "im hot and sweating". Vital WNL. Me and my preceptors looked at eachother... It was 103 degrees out and she was attending a little leage baseball game.


----------



## RWG7

These are all great!


----------



## STXmedic

NVRob said:


> We have a name for this at work, I'm not sure if I should post it on here. It's not profane but may be offensive to some :huh:



MHA or Chicken bref (I can bref and you can bref but chi can't bref)


----------



## truetiger

*Flying Motorcycle*

Had a crotch rocket ramp off of an overpass that is approximately 50ft in the air, bike and all. It's estimated he was doing over 100 mph when he drove up the side wall and went flying over. He landed 190ft away in the grassy median area below the overpass.


----------



## phideux

We have a chronic CHFer that likes his cocaine, and likes a ride to the hospital for (chest pain, abd pain, shortness of breath, whatever) on a daily basis. Took him in one day, charge nurse sent us to triage. Got toned out 30 minutes later, to the hospital waiting room. They were taking too long getting to our guy, so he called 911 from the waiting room, wanting to go to the ER in the next town over. Luckily he went with PD for misuse of 911 instead.


----------



## traumaluv2011

When I was doing my ride time we got dispatched to some sort of clinic for chest pain. We arrived on scene and the patient ruptured her brachial artery from a skin graft she had. I guess the surgery caused the problem. We got to the scene and the doctor had already controlled the bleeding and wrapped it in dressing. We didn't do anything but transport her, but I was like how do you mess that dispatch up? I think we'd expedite the response for arterial bleeding.


----------



## Sasha

I'd think chest pain would require enough of an expedited response...


----------



## Lady_EMT

Got called to an "overdose," arrived to find a man in his 30-40s who had smoked a bag of potpourri, thinking it was salvia. 

Foul smelling potpourri, mind you, not sure if you would want your house smelling like it did haha can't imagine why you would smoke it. 


---
- This post brought to you by Tapatalk


----------



## traumaluv2011

Sasha said:


> I'd think chest pain would require enough of an expedited response...



We were on call at the station for my ride time so we had a pretty good response. We just ran with lights and turned on the siren at lighted intersection and didn't really go over speed limit. We were close enough that we got there in 5 minutes. I guess the driver was a bit too cautious.


----------



## JPINFV

traumaluv2011 said:


> We were close enough that we got there in 5 minutes. I guess the driver was a bit too cautious.



...because 4 minutes 45 seconds instead of 5 minutes would have made a difference? Especially compared to the delay if you would have been in an accident?


----------



## IRIDEZX6R

jpinfv said:


> ...because 4 minutes 45 seconds instead of 5 minutes would have made a difference? Especially compared to the delay if you would have been in an accident?



+100


----------



## BedpanCommando

12:30 AM outside of Fairbanks AK, mid January.  Temp about -20F.  Dispatcher calls me direct in the station (just a little odd) to send my rig to the base dining hall for a man whose "penis is missing" his words not mine.  Wake my partner up and drive to the location without L/S. and make contact.  Seems this 19 y/o just arrived and couldn’t sleep so went for a walk. Jeans, t-shirt and a light jacket.  He had to pee so he stopped in the chow hall.  Low and behold the cold had worked its magic on his "Junk" really well.  By the way it made a re-appearance shortly after warming up.


----------



## JBFab

*Bee Sting*

Got called to a bee sting case.  (We are a Med. First Responder Service in a rural area)  While we are trained in the use of Epi-pens, we don't carry them.  Anyway get to the lady who is sitting outside in a folding chair, c/o SOB, pain in her chest, and paralysis of both arms.  Very calm about the whole thing.  Started her on high flow O2 by NRB, and started taking vitals.  I went to to work on the vitals, and asked her to hold the mask - amazing her arm jumped right up and grabbed it!


----------



## adamjh3

Getting a c/c from dispatch as "pneumonia" and showing up to find dizziness secondary to hypotension tertiary to a GI bleed.


----------



## johnrsemt

Got sent by dispatch to take a patient from ECF to inpatient room at a small hospital 20 min away.   
   Get to the ECF and check out the pt in her room;  (RN states that she has been weak and dizzy * 2 days; worse than normal);  I asked RN if they had VS from the last few days; and was told that their orders were only to do her VS weekly,  sunday mornings.
  We do a set of VS (which the RN got upset about, because I was told that we couldn't do them  (it was thursday).
  HR 96  B/P  52/18  (we both checked and even the nurse checked it) couldn't get a SPO2.  Pt was confused and weak, though.   Loaded pt on cot,  on O2, fast to the truck;  start emergent to the hospital;  Fluid boluses and Dopamine.  Called the ED; told them that it was supposed to be a direct admit; but we were stopping there due to the BP and IV's and Dopamine.   
  When we arrived the charge nurse had a fit because if it was a direct admit we didn't have permission to do anything to the patient except take her to a room. 
   ED doc walked in asked what was going on,  nurse gave her report; without mentioning pt condition.  I gave mine  doctor checked VS  and told us to stick around because she needed a 'real hospital'  his words not mine.   He also kicked the charge nurse out of the room, asking her to send in a real nurse.    We transported her in 25 minutes.    Her BP came up to 80/40  with Dopamine at 20mcg/min/kg.

   And people say that IFT's are boring, and you never see anything good


----------



## exodus

johnrsemt said:


> Got sent by dispatch to take a patient from ECF to inpatient room at a small hospital 20 min away.
> Get to the ECF and check out the pt in her room;  (RN states that she has been weak and dizzy * 2 days; worse than normal);  I asked RN if they had VS from the last few days; and was told that their orders were only to do her VS weekly,  sunday mornings.
> We do a set of VS (which the RN got upset about, because I was told that we couldn't do them  (it was thursday).
> HR 96  B/P  52/18  (we both checked and even the nurse checked it) couldn't get a SPO2.  Pt was confused and weak, though.   Loaded pt on cot,  on O2, fast to the truck;  start emergent to the hospital;  Fluid boluses and Dopamine.  Called the ED; told them that it was supposed to be a direct admit; but we were stopping there due to the BP and IV's and Dopamine.
> When we arrived the charge nurse had a fit because if it was a direct admit we didn't have permission to do anything to the patient except take her to a room.
> ED doc walked in asked what was going on,  nurse gave her report; without mentioning pt condition.  I gave mine  doctor checked VS  and told us to stick around because she needed a 'real hospital'  his words not mine.   He also kicked the charge nurse out of the room, asking her to send in a real nurse.    We transported her in 25 minutes.    Her BP came up to 80/40  with Dopamine at 20mcg/min/kg.
> 
> And people say that IFT's are boring, and you never see anything good



You should have contacted the floor first and seen where they want you to bring the patient. The Dr on the floor knows your patient and history already.  At least you didn't divert to another hospital


----------



## Sasha

exodus said:


> You should have contacted the floor first and seen where they want you to bring the patient. The Dr on the floor knows your patient and history already.  At least you didn't divert to another hospital



And if they have the Hx on the floor they have it in the ED as well. Just because *A* doctor wants to see the patient doesn't mean its the doctor currently on that floor or that the patient will even be seen by that doctor that day. You bring a patient like that to an unsuspecting floor staff and you will be throwing them for a loop. Most floor nurses do NOT know how to stabilize a patient, just how to maintain the stability. 

I would have stopped in the ER too. Or diverted to a closer hospital.

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk


----------



## exodus

That's why I said contact the floor first. I probably would not have diverted if all their records are there and the medic was able to manage the patient.


----------



## McGoo

Dispatched to "17yr female, had weed, can't breathe."

We got there, she told us she was afraid that it she went to sleep, she would forget to keep breathing. I told her she was in, what we in the trade call "The Green Room."

Had a good chuckle after that one.


----------



## Sasha

exodus said:


> That's why I said contact the floor first. I probably would not have diverted if all their records are there and the medic was able to manage the patient.



If their records are there they are also in the ER. The patients condition was too serious for a floor if they had to send the pt to a different facility all together once she kinda stabilized.

Don't make decisions based on what the hospital or your company wants. Make them for your patient.

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk


----------



## phildo

A jailer called us because a new inmate "was afraid to be in jail."  No kidding. A little city traffic ticket/failure to appear jail.  And we had to take the poor scared individual.


----------



## johnrsemt

The ED had patient info just like the floor did;   They were the closest hospital so we took her there, even though the ED wasn't really capable of dealing with someone that critical.  We took her there due to it was the hospital that was accepting her.

 Doctor in the ED agreed with the Dopamine, but then had to ask me what the normal drip rate was for it.  Kind of fun to teach the doc's.


----------



## Simusid

ChristinaM said:


> Oh.. I have a good one...
> 
> I was blessed to have worked in Boca Raton, Palm Beach County, Florida.. primarily a very wealthy retirement community.
> 
> We got a call one night at about 0200 for a traumatic injury. Upon arrival at the residence, an elderly female in the bed informed us that her toenail was stuck in her bedding and she needed help getting it loose.
> 
> Mind you, her husband was standing by watching the entire event and proceeded to watch us free her from her imprisonment and leave.
> 
> Oh... those were the days...



I would have whipped out the shears and cut around the toe before they could stop me.   Can't remove impaled objects right?   Clearly she was impaled on a blanket.


----------



## Simusid

I'm too green to have any good stories.  The best one I think I heard (from a partner du'jour) was "Self circumcision" that was done with cheap craft scisssors.


----------



## comppro

Had a call last night where we were taking a chest pain to the hospital when the driver yelled to us in the back to look in front of us. The car in front of us had various plants sticking out of every angle and the roof was smashed in and all the windows were broken out. turns out he had rolled it over a couple of minutes before we caught up with him. He pulled over at a stop sign got out of his car and told our driver, " I think i was in an accident". good thing for us we had an ALS ambulance behind us that was transportable so one of our EMTs drove their unit while the paramedic took care of the pt.


----------



## Breezymedic

*Seizures??*

Once had a patient who stated to me she was having seizures when I asked her when was her last seizure and how many she thought she had  she stated she had been having these seizures over night.  She states she has had undiagnosed sudoseizures for years. She stated she rememebered the whole seizure. Patient stated she needed something for pain. While walking the patient to the stretcher the patient stated oh here comes another seizure. She begins to knock her knees together while she is walking and wiggling her arms. At no time loosing her footing or stoping the walk. While we were enroute to the hospital I was doing paperwork and I can see her out of the corner of my eye looking at me while my head is down she looks at me and when I go to look up she puts her head down. I ask her questions and she doesn't answer. I say her name and she says she can't answer me she is passed out. I then ask her if she can wake up so I can ask her some questions and she states she can't because she is also having a seizure while she is "passed out" it took everything in me to not laugh I told her well then you better keep your eyes closed. HAHAHAHAHAHA

 Gotta love patients. at least this was the afternoon and not midnight.


----------



## emt1000

We transported a patient for abd pain once that when fire asked if she was sexually active she said "no, my boyfriend is always on top and I lie there doing nothing. I like it better that way but I don't see what that has to do with anything" She was dead serious too.......


----------



## BlueAngel2955

*Snowy Weather...*

Some years ago when working in the northeast, we were hit by a large, unexpected snowstorm which dumped 9 inches of snow on a city which usually gets 9 inches of snow over the whole winter.  Half the techs/medics called out stuck at home.  I made it in, having had experience with this sort of snow, but my regular medic partner didn't.  I got to our EMS substation and called dispatch, who told me to grab a rig and come downtown to get a partner.  

I was assigned a basic partner who only worked per diem, as she had a regular, full time, non-EMS job, but she did volley with her local FD. We ran a couple calls together and she was stellar.  I was relieved.  

We are called out code 3 to a "unresponsive person".  It's still snowing to beat the band, and the roads are, of course, awful.  We arrive on scene at a large apartment complex and hike through 2 ft drifts to the door only to find the apartment we are dispatched to is vacant, and nobody knows anything.  We clear the scene as "unfounded."  

10 minutes later, same call, same address, same apartment.  We go back again, after telling dispatch this is a vacant apartment.  Second call is also cleared as unfounded.  

Back in the truck, we are pulling away from the curb when dispatch sends us back to same address but different apartment, because "caller states they just moved to new apartment and forgot..."  

You forgot you moved.  Oooookay.  

Get back in the building and hike up 3 flights of stairs.  Patient is a very obese female in her late 50's, supine in bed, A+O x 2.  Hx of CVA, Diabetes, CHF, emphysema.  Medication list comes in book form.  There is a home health nurse (an actual RN), who states that patient has AMS and she thinks pt may have had another CVA.  She has taken NO vitals, done no assessment of pt. 

Assessment reveals pulse, pulse ox, BP and RR WNL.  Let's check her blood sugar, shall we?  After all, our patient is a diabetic who is insulin dependent.  

Oh, look.  It's 32.  Per protocol I give her glucagon, and her sugar comes up to 50 and she starts to become coherent.  EMT has called for lift assistance and FD arrives to assist.  They carry her out on the Reeves stretcher and get her in the rig.  She gets an IV, her glucose is now up to 70, and off we go. 

At the ER, we give report to the Doc, who also speaks to the Home health RN, who tells him she gave the PT her insulin after breakfast.  All 26 units of it, which per her Rx instructions is to be given as 13 units twice a day. 

:wacko:


----------



## AUSEMT

My favourite:

at post @ local fair.
Pt. comes up to us, is a 17yo F who has been doing *cartwheels* with friends for the past *hour and a half* in the hot sun - complains of a mild headache....
hmmmmm, i wonder why?? 

advised to drink water and sit in the shade, but instead goes, has a glass of water and does another half hour of standing on her head and jumping around in 35*C heat!!! :wacko:


----------



## Martyn

AUSEMT said:


> My favourite:
> 
> at post @ local fair.
> Pt. comes up to us, is a 17yo F who has been doing *cartwheels* with friends for the past *hour and a half* in the hot sun - complains of a mild headache....
> hmmmmm, i wonder why??
> 
> advised to drink water and sit in the shade, but instead goes, has a glass of water and does another half hour of standing on her head and jumping around in 35*C heat!!! :wacko:


 
Sounds just like the 'Floridiots' we get in Florida


----------



## AUSEMT

Martyn said:


> Sounds just like the 'Floridiots' we get in Florida



not familiar with that particular breed - theyre not in the DSMIV but hey, wouldn't be the first time ^_^

Another favourite: 
Pt: "i feel sick, can i have a panadol*?"
What i want to say: "yes, yes you can, the pharmacy is that way..." 


(*panadol is the aussie name for acetaminophen/ tylenol)


----------



## jjesusfreak01

AUSEMT said:


> Another favourite:
> Pt: "i feel sick, can i have a panadol*?"
> What i want to say: "yes, yes you can, the pharmacy is that way..."



Are you in pain, or just an idiot...


----------



## exodus

May or may not have ran on this lady at a time later than when this video was shot.

http://www.viddler.com/explore/loopytube/videos/212/


----------



## comppro

exodus said:


> May or may not have ran on this lady at a time later than when this video was shot.
> 
> http://www.viddler.com/explore/loopytube/videos/212/



I have run into these type of people several times. :wacko:


----------



## Pneumothorax

Guy called us out so we could put his "good times" DVD in & give him a coke. 

See, it was 3am , & he's bedridden. His friends left, next best solution--call 911. Awesome.


----------



## Epi52

Pneumothorax said:


> Guy called us out so we could put his "good times" DVD in & give him a coke.
> 
> See, it was 3am , & he's bedridden. His friends left, next best solution--call 911. Awesome.



Oh lonely people, sometimes they can be nice, although the paperwork can be a bit much.


----------



## exodus

Epi52 said:


> Oh lonely people, sometimes they can be nice, although the paperwork can be a bit much.



Us: Cancelled by fire, no patient contact -- Fire: Call cancelled no patient complaint. (false alarm)


----------



## DesertMedic66

exodus said:


> Us: Cancelled by fire, no patient contact -- Fire: Call cancelled no patient complaint. (false alarm)



Either cancelled on scene, no patient contact or no medical aid needed haha


----------



## Pneumothorax

Epi52 said:


> Oh lonely people, sometimes they can be nice, although the paperwork can be a bit much.



No, his friends left & he ran out of
Weed , needed somethin to do. -__-


----------



## jjesusfreak01

firefite said:


> Either cancelled on scene, no patient contact or no medical aid needed haha



We call this a "no patient found", which refers to any situation where we are unable to find anyone who either wants or needs medical attention. This actually can extend to people with real medical problems who did not call for EMS (if a third party called for them) and do not want our help. If they called, and decided they didn't want help when we get there, we have to at least attempt an AMA.


----------



## DesertMedic66

exodus said:


> May or may not have ran on this lady at a time later than when this video was shot.
> 
> http://www.viddler.com/explore/loopytube/videos/212/



hahahaha. I may or may not have ran on her more then a couple times :rofl:


----------



## Roheline

EMTSteve said:


> Called to a 42 y/o male with a c/c "I think I'm having a heart attack".
> We arrive on scene and find him lying UC on the living room floor.
> We check vitals.... all WNL.
> After establishing an IV, hooking him to the 12 lead and several other things
> Um.. okay. We decided to do some "tests".
> First the hand drop test(s)... FAILED (missed his face every time)
> Tried inserting a OPA... FAILED (clenched his jaw tighter then a dolphins butt)
> So we were pretty sure this guy is faking it.
> We get to the ED and drop him off and give the story to the RN.
> She turns around and walks into the Pts room and loudly says " Okay we are going to need to get his temp.... hand me the rectal thermometer"
> 
> The Pt. suddenly awakes, jumps up and yells NOO.
> 
> Turns out he was having problems with his soon to be ex-wife and was looking for attention.




Add a lot of booze to this and you have pretty much the same call I ran a couple weeks ago. Alas, the nurses we delivered him to were not so creative.


----------



## firefighter

56yr Female, history of MS. called we respond around 0100. he chief complaint...... she wanted cranberry juice. she has been a frequent flyer lately as well

we have gone on her also for things like, can’t reach meds, want "MS cheese"?, needs help giving herself her auto injector. her husband is home every time


----------



## Arovetli

Lady's husband calls one Sunday morning c/o chest pain. Upon arrival Lady states demons are making him sick to try to keep her from going to church. Lady requests we exorcise demons.

Fun times.


----------



## shannonlovesth

One of my first calls as a cadet was for a allergic reaction. We get to the house and the guy is laying on the floor covered with a blanket doing this awful fake shivering teeth clattering act. He basically tells us "My girlfriend an I were wrestling and she bit me. I think I'm allergic to her tooth paste. I need to go to the hospital now" the crew then asked why he thinks he is having an allergic reaction his response "Because the bite hurts."


----------



## nineball55

I was working the ER a couple of weeks ago when a young couple came in. The complaint from the man was a jammed finger. Upon questioning he said that they were having sex when he jammed it. I thought I had seen it all, but I'm still laughing over this one.


----------



## Jeremy89

shannonlovesth said:


> One of my first calls as a cadet was for a allergic reaction. We get to the house and the guy is laying on the floor covered with a blanket doing this awful fake shivering teeth clattering act. He basically tells us "My girlfriend an I were wrestling and she bit me. I think I'm allergic to her tooth paste. I need to go to the hospital now" the crew then asked why he thinks he is having an allergic reaction his response "Because the bite hurts."




Better one-  The first call we got at ASU Student EMS was for an allergic reaction in one of the dorms.  We got there about the same time as the Fire Dept.  We get there and the girl is completely asymptomatic.  She said she ate some Thai Peanut Noodles and, since she was allergic to peanuts, _thought_ she was gonna have a reaction.  The fire-medic asked if she had a car to go get benadryl. She said no.  Then he turned to us and asked if one of us can take her. Good times...


----------



## sdover

these are hilarious!!!


----------



## tjobe440

So. IL Medic said:


> "It feels funny when I pee"
> 
> That was the chief complaint at 03:30 from a 36 y/o f.
> 
> Does it hurt? No. Any amb pain, are you pregnant? No. Does it burn or itch? No, just feels funny. How long? Off and on for a week.
> 
> I looked at my basic partner and said it was all his. Feels funny when I pee...grumble grumble mutter.




HAHA I get this all the time....we go on the call our ALS guys go it comes out to be something like this nature he looks at me and says have fun buddy Im gone for like an hour dealing with who ever I get back and he says now you know why I am a paramedic..I shake my head and go to sleep just waiting for the next BS call


----------



## Medic535

A 20ish female feeding green beans to the snake that was stuck in her hoochie.

It goes downhill from there....trust me....


----------



## SliceOfLife

Not my call but one a white-faced medic told me on returning to the base.  

2 guys "shrimping" and one farted causing the other to pass out.  I had to look up shrimping.:huh:  

P.S. why is there no puke emoticon?


----------



## jjesusfreak01

Jeremy89 said:


> Better one-  The first call we got at ASU Student EMS was for an allergic reaction in one of the dorms.  We got there about the same time as the Fire Dept.  We get there and the girl is completely asymptomatic.  She said she ate some Thai Peanut Noodles and, since she was allergic to peanuts, _thought_ she was gonna have a reaction.  The fire-medic asked if she had a car to go get benadryl. She said no.  Then he turned to us and asked if one of us can take her. Good times...



She is probably the product of our current peanut allergy scare era. Probably doesn't even have a peanut allergy.


----------



## jgaddis82

A firefighter friend shared this with me: 
Pt: Yall have to help me. Everytime I lay down and close my eyes I feel like I'm going to pass out.
Ff : Dude? When was the lastime you slept?


----------



## sirengirl

Had a pretty freakin good one the other day...

Toned out for ~80 y/o male for "Ill person." Race lights/siren to scene, drag stretcher, bag, monitor, and 3 crew members up steep driveway of nice bayside home, up into house, over thick carpet, into bedroom, to patient.

Patient AOx4 laying in bed supine with NO chief complaint. Pt daughter-in-law still on phone with 911 and hangs up on our arrival. Apologizing, she explains,

"My mother called."

Becomes apparent that patient has unsteady gait and hx of multiple falls. Pt states he knows he falls when he gets out of bed, so he stays in bed all day except to go to the bathroom and to take his meds. He is quite happy, comfortable, and alert. Wife comes into the room with walker, screaming at the patient.

"Now you talk to them!!? And you won't talk to me?! Now you HAVE to get out of bed and go with me, they'll make you! :angry:"

"I wasn't answering you because I was ignoring you!! :glare:" The husband says back.

Paramedic sits on bed with wife and it becomes apparent that the husband was ignoring the wife as she nagged at him to take her to Perkins. Wife calls 911 to try to force him to go to Perkins.

Husband signed refusal, and did not go to Perkins. :lol:


----------



## Swimfinn

toned out for an 89 y/o F c/c of bed sores. pt lives with her son

son meets us outside with the answers to all our questions before we ask them, and a list of her meds when he states-

"yeah shes just really sick and i think she needs some help on her way out"

intermediate partner asks "why do you say that?"

the reply-

"well i think that her rigor mortis is starting to kick in"


----------



## NJEMT95

Toned out for rectal bleeding for a man at police HQ requesting an ambulance.

Turns out, he had retracted his foreskin and it got stuck. He tried for 3 hours to get it back over the head to no avail.
Worst part was giving the report to the nurse in the ER.


----------



## Jambi

Not mine but overweight female recieving social services support called 911 wanting to be taken to the antique shop via "amp-you-lamps"

I've been called for

More beer
More weed
Too much weed
Too much ephedra
Rx refill
O2 tank change
Hungry
Tired
Psych holds for elderly dementia (pre existing)
Dry skin


----------



## NomadicMedic

Dispatched because the patient was out of glucometer test strips and wanted the paramedics to come check his blood sugar.

Luckily that was downgraded to BLS before I got up out of bed.


----------



## JPINFV

NJEMT95 said:


> Toned out for rectal bleeding for a man at police HQ requesting an ambulance.
> 
> Turns out, he had retracted his foreskin and it got stuck. He tried for 3 hours to get it back over the head to no avail.




Legitimate potential emergency. Did you inspect his penis?

I actually had something similar when I was working at a waterpark. A kid managed to get his penis incarcerated in the net lining of his swim trunks. 


> Worst part was giving the report to the nurse in the ER.



[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci-LX9fd064[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## sirengirl

At a hospital going in to take a patient from the foor to a rehab facility. See our other crew also coming out with a patient. Load her in the back of the ambulance and the patient starts crying. Watch for 5 minutes (partner writing paperwork in the meantime) as patient's husband and crew talks to her and tries to calm her down. Flag the driver over and ask what she's so upset about. Driver shrugs,

"She wants to face the other way."

"Let me get this straight.... She is crying because she wants to face the other way on the stretcher?"

"....Yes."

:huh: Really...


----------



## exodus

NJEMT95 said:


> Toned out for rectal bleeding for a man at police HQ requesting an ambulance.
> 
> Turns out, he had retracted his foreskin and it got stuck. He tried for 3 hours to get it back over the head to no avail.
> Worst part was giving the report to the nurse in the ER.



That's legit though.  Out here it would have gone BLS, because our PD contracts with us privately as well. 

Not sure why they officer couldn't just drive them. They have to stick with them anyway.


----------



## Handsome Robb

sirengirl said:


> At a hospital going in to take a patient from the foor to a rehab facility. See our other crew also coming out with a patient. Load her in the back of the ambulance and the patient starts crying. Watch for 5 minutes (partner writing paperwork in the meantime) as patient's husband and crew talks to her and tries to calm her down. Flag the driver over and ask what she's so upset about. Driver shrugs,
> 
> "She wants to face the other way."
> 
> "Let me get this straight.... She is crying because she wants to face the other way on the stretcher?"
> 
> "....Yes."
> 
> :huh: Really...



Why not just turn her so she stops crying and is comfortable?

I had an interesting one the other day, google "exit bag". Worked it in the middle of the forest.


----------



## sirengirl

NVRob said:


> Why not just turn her so she stops crying and is comfortable?
> 
> I had an interesting one the other day, google "exit bag". Worked it in the middle of the forest.



If I remember correctly, she wa a stretcher transport because she had hit undergone knee surgery. Had to keep her leg straight. And obviously the stretchers only go into the ambulance one way... Never found out what happened with her...


----------



## Handsome Robb

sirengirl said:


> If I remember correctly, she wa a stretcher transport because she had hit undergone knee surgery. Had to keep her leg straight. And obviously the stretchers only go into the ambulance one way... Never found out what happened with her...



Ohhhhh flipped around that way, I get it now


----------



## LEB343

14 y/o male who had a nightmare. Mom called 911. Transported to hospital for no reason. Kid was so embarrassed.


----------



## truetiger

Dispatched at 0200 for a vaginal bleed in the ghetto. Arrive to the scene to find a 30 something year old black female ambulatory on her porch. Patient states she's had a vag bleed x 3 months. Upon further interrogation ( she offered this info without being asked) she states that before everything up there felt "smooth" and that now it feels like a "bad potato."


----------



## Handsome Robb

truetiger said:


> Dispatched at 0200 for a vaginal bleed in the ghetto. Arrive to the scene to find a 30 something year old black female ambulatory on her porch. Patient states she's had a vag bleed x 3 months. Upon further interrogation ( she offered this info without being asked) she states that before everything up there felt "smooth" and that now it feels like a "bad potato."



Yummy


----------



## MJG

There are so many calls which come to my mind right now. The most ridiculous ones probably were:

A Code red for a 45 yo male with difficulties breathing. The guy was all well and asked about his breathing problems, he told us, that he had nightly breathing difficulties nearly every night since a couple of weeks.
Note: It was 2 pm.
Code amber for a 30 yo woman with a charley horse in the left leg. A bit of stretching did the trick.
Code amber: 2 Guys living together that were angry at each other. Each of them wanted to get a compulsory hospitalization for the other one, so that he could have the apartment for himself.

Cheers from Hamburg, Germany.


----------



## Milla3P

Last week my wife went to a residence at 0505 for ankle pain. Found 92 y/o male. Obtained a PMHx: COPD, circumcision.


----------



## MadMedic

Had a call from a addict at 0230 that was out of drugs for the last 4 hours, found him sitting in his drive way with his backpack on waiting for us.  Alarm stated the PT says his whole body hurts and it radiates everywhere.  PT repeated statement when we arrived.:rofl:


----------



## Phishbohn

Chest pain call becomes, rt nipple pain x2 yrs. painful to touch.


----------



## JPINFV

Phishbohn said:


> Chest pain call becomes, rt nipple pain x2 yrs. painful to touch.


 Well, the nipple is on the chest...


----------



## Phishbohn

Heh, indeed.


----------



## james88

0200: 80-something post fall x2 days c/o hip pain. Pt was at the doctor 10 hours prior. 2 cars in the driveway, 4 competent family members. Preferred hospital that was an extra 30 minutes away.


----------



## TransportJockey

james88 said:


> 0200: 80-something post fall x2 days c/o hip pain. Pt was at the doctor 10 hours prior. 2 cars in the driveway, 4 competent family members. Preferred hospital that was an extra 30 minutes away.



We would politely tell the patient that we would not be going there.


----------



## JPINFV

james88 said:


> 0200: 80-something post fall x2 days c/o hip pain. Pt was at the doctor 10 hours prior. 2 cars in the driveway, 4 competent family members. Preferred hospital that was an extra 30 minutes away.



...and if the patient isn't ambulatory or minimally ambulatory?

As far as the distance, if the patient is stable can you send the call to a private company... assuming your not a private company?


----------



## TransportJockey

JPINFV said:


> ...and if the patient isn't ambulatory or minimally ambulatory?
> 
> As far as the distance, if the patient is stable can you send the call to a private company... assuming your not a private company?



My private 911 service still wouldn't do that. With max of five trucks in our county and twenty minutes from the closest hospital to back in county and available, they go to the nearest appropriate facility within their insurance system


----------



## Brandon275

I was sent to the bus station one time for a frequent flyer of ours.  This night he called because he wanted a ride to the hospital triage area so he could use the hospital's computer to check his email to assure that his state check had been deposited in his account.  No lie.  He was arrested for 911 abuse shortly after this.  Lets say I documented my PCR well for that intended purpose.


----------



## Handsome Robb

JPINFV said:


> ...and if the patient isn't ambulatory or minimally ambulatory?
> 
> As far as the distance, if the patient is stable can you send the call to a private company... assuming your not a private company?



We have a couple out of area hospitals we can transport to with supervisor approval. With that said, our supervisors rarely approve it unless it's something where the patient really needs to go and states they will refuse unless we take them to that specific hospital. We are too busy to be sending units 45-60 minutes, one way, out of our county to another hospital. Especially when that transport would include driving past at least 3 out of 4 of the hospitals in our county. 

I have no shame in telling people I wont even call my supervisor to ask. "Ma'am/sir we have 4 very capable hospitals within our county that can handle this problem, especially considering we have one of the two trauma centers in the entire state in our county. If you really want me to call and ask I will but I can already tell you what the answer is going to be." I may or may not have told someone no the other night citing my EOS as my reason. "No I will not drive past two hospitals to transport you to a hospital in a different county that is 60 minutes away, one way, for the simple fact that my shift ends in 40 minutes." Boy I thought I was going to hear it for that one but my supervisor agreed and told me he would've denied the request anyways.


----------



## medic17

That would be why an EMS should charge


----------



## medic17

medicp94dao said:


> Dispatched to house for unknown medical/unknown trauma. UA 26 yo male lying on side in obvious pain. pt states i fell on it.......  i.e: foriegn body in rectum...   I just have to ask why do they always fall on it?????



That dose not sound good :rofl:


----------



## Joe

2 of my best. 
Dispatched at 3ish am for sick person. No surprise there. Aos to find mother and daughter ambulatory in house. Mother states her daughter has had a bruise on her shin since early afternoon. Pt tripped and hit the coffee table with shin previous night. Car in driveway verified working. (Asked her to move it so we could get the gurney in house.) Transported to er waiting room. Mother not happy.

2nd. 630am (end shift at 7) to another sick person. Aos to find 5 sheriffs deputies smiling at us. State they kicked a woman out of an ihop type place. Woman threw a fit and sat on curb outside. She decided to call 911 to complain about 911. Told dispatch she was cold and wanted to go to hospital. Told us chest pain. Told er nurse diff breathing chest pain and headache. 

Luckily i dont work that ghetto area anymore. Entitlement way of thinking had me about ready to drive these people to utah


----------



## patput

Over summer we got dispatched to a 37 year old female complaining of difficulty breathing two days ago, stated they felt fine now, but would like to be checked out. That came in at 0324, great thing to get woken up for.


----------



## STXmedic

Dispatch notes read: "2yo got into mace. Is now crying and crapping everywhere"

Good work, dispatch :rofl:


----------



## lightsandsirens5

Series of calls.....

Christmas eve night two years ago my partner and I took one of our frequent customers on her 49th, 50th, and 51st ambulance rides of the year. 

First call: "I pinched my finger in the silverware drawer."

Second call: "When I cry, tears don't come out of my left eye"

Third call: "My fingernail is hurting so bad from where I pinched it, I think I will pass out."

Charge nurse was ready to have my head on a silver platter for Christmas dinner.


----------



## medic17

*A shoping trip you wouldn't expect*

The other day i was at a small grocery shop when i over hear this: "my finger hurts can you give me a elastic bandage". I turn my head and see a 20s male talking to the shop owner a former EMT (Quit about 6 years ago. Not certified anymore. Told me some time ago that he has not kept up with developments.) The owner turned and saw me. He told the pt that i am a medic and he should speak to me. So far a normal off duty thing (in my country there is a duty to act even wen off duty and not in uniform). The pt c/o post MVA rt index and forearm pain x2 days and get this he has already bean checked by a orthopedic doctor and all x-rays clean. I checked for brusing which can sometimes com 24-48 hrs later and found non. since so far i am not working with any organization and i am not a full EMT but a EMR-a i could not take him to a hospital and did not think he needed one anyway. told him an elastic bandage would hurt and he should take a otc pain killer for the next 3 days if the pain was bothering him to function.

P.S.
I am fairly new at this so if anyone has tips/suggestions on this or other ambulatory Injuries please PM me.


----------



## 9D4

I went on a ride along not too long ago (first one). I'm still an EMT student, so this is one of about 5 calls total that I've been on, haha. 
Call was for a 50 year old women c/o severe abd. pain.
We walk in and she was watching Wheel of Fortune. One of the FF's tried to turn the TV off and she yelled "Wait! I want to see the end of this episode!" 
He stood in front of it while trying to ask her questions and she leaned around to look at the TV. He asked her the pain level and she said "definitely 10/10..." She demanded transport, but only after Wheel of Fortune was over..

Next call I went on was a truck driver at a truck stop. He was working on his semi and reached in the engine bay with it still running. All 4 fingers on his left hand were severed at the first knuckle. Firefighter asked the pain question again and trucker says "ahh sh** this ain't nuttin' but a 4." 
Firefighter back at station says "I don't want to know what's happened to that man in his life..." 
I thought those two calls back to back were pretty funny. Showed to me as a student how things like OPQRST aren't always accurate.


----------



## EMTFozzy

My funniest was when I was doing an ER rotation for medic school. 
  GSW comes in multiple gunshot wounds with a 9mm or so. That was not the funny part. The funny part was the guy was messing around with a married woman and her hubby came home while they were bumping uglies. So the pt ended up getting dressed running out side and making a getaway on a 10 speed while the hubby drove by a few times and then decided to stop then shoot the guy.


----------



## Tigger

Decided to pick up an overtime shift with a partner who was also getting OT. As to be expected, we got flogged for the duration of the 10, and finally on hour 11 we are cleared to base. No sooner do we get "I'm sorry 22 we really need you for an emergent, you're closest can you do it?" That is a mandatory "yes ma'am we have it" in company parlance. Arrive on scene at a senior's apartment complex (no skilled care) to find a visiting nurse in the driveway furiously waving at us, who informs us that our patient is in severe respiratory distress.

We get to the patient's apartment to find a large woman sitting in a lazy-boy, in no apparent distress, though we ascertain that two weeks ago she was on a vent but has since been discharged, amongst other illnesses. To my surprise, when I ask her why she called 911, she responds "I'm stuck to this  motha****ing chair." 

It was hot and and humid, and she was wearing her hospital gown "since it airy," and indeed because of it's open back she had become stuck to her leather recliner. Given this my partner and I, in a surprising feat of strength, managed to finally rest the 350 pound woman from the sticky atrocity that was her chair to her feat and then help her to kitchen chair with seat cushion where we got our refusal and were then on our way.

I got off two and half hours of late but boy was it worth it.


----------



## Raggy

When I was on my ride-alon,g an LA county fire medic farted in the back of our rig with a possible stroke patient and it took us so many alcohol wipes to suppress the smell.


----------



## JPINFV

Right hip pain most likely due to sciatica who is always admitted as "chest pain R/O ACS" because his pain 'radiates through his stomach and up to his left chest." Last time he was admitted he AMAed within 24 hours because no one would give him a cigarette.


----------



## leoemt

james88 said:


> 0200: 80-something post fall x2 days c/o hip pain. Pt was at the doctor 10 hours prior. 2 cars in the driveway, 4 competent family members. Preferred hospital that was an extra 30 minutes away.



I got problems with this. Just because its not an emergency doesn't mean he doesn't deserve an ambulance. Have you ever had hip pain? It can be excruitating to the point that a stretcher is the only comfortable and safe way to transport a patient. 

Just because there are cars and able bodied people doesn't mean we should be rolling our eyes when someone wants ambulance transport. 

It is the patient's right to be taken to their hospital of choice as long as it is appropriate for their condition.


----------



## medic417

leoemt said:


> I got problems with this. Just because its not an emergency doesn't mean he doesn't deserve an ambulance. Have you ever had hip pain? It can be excruitating to the point that a stretcher is the only comfortable and safe way to transport a patient.
> 
> Just because there are cars and able bodied people doesn't mean we should be rolling our eyes when someone wants ambulance transport.
> 
> It is the patient's right to be taken to their hospital of choice as long as it is appropriate for their condition.



I have problems with your attitude.  People abuse EMS because they are allowed to abuse it.  More services need to learn to say no to non emergent patients that can safely be transported pov.


----------



## james88

I should have been clearer. The fall had occurred days prior, and the family had already driven the pt to their doctors appt. the doctor even advised them to go to the er. Had they followed common sense amd gone earlier the pt could have avoided further distress by having to spend all night in an er and further movement causing pain.


----------



## james88

And medic417- you hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately that is par for the course in my area. Lots of money, don't have to worry about ambulance bills


----------



## Anjel

911=emergency. Period. 

If you feel you are in that much pain and cannot go by any other means. Call a private company and set up a non emergent transport.


----------



## medic417

Anjel1030 said:


> 911=emergency. Period.
> 
> If you feel you are in that much pain and cannot go by any other means. Call a private company and set up a non emergent transport.



Quoted for emphasis.


----------



## sneauxpod

> originally posted by *anjel1030*
> 911=emergency. Period.
> 
> If you feel you are in that much pain and cannot go by any other means. Call a private company and set up a non emergent transport.





medic417 said:


> quoted for emphasis.



*EMPHASIS*

Got a funny and a disgusting one for yall

Funny-
While I was doing my medic rounds in the hospital, a patient came in, "family" had dropped her off in the er entrance and left, when registration checked, she was pulseless and apneic. got her ro recess and she was asystolic. CPR full ACLS protocol was done, after about 20mins they were about to call her and I piped up saying "hey we might as well try pushing some narcan just in case." needless to say, the ER doc scoffed at me. about 2 cycles later, one of the nurses came in and said that he got ahold of the PTs real family and she was a chronic narc abuser. Narcan got pushed, she came back. needless to say the doc was totally P.O.ed at me for making him look like a fool and I become the nurses favorite student lol.

Disgusting-
Get called on scene to a place in Highland Park (never heard of it? look it up. a quaint little hell hole) for a patient who has fallen and cant get up. So we arrive on scene and the guy in the lobby says the only way to get to the guys room is the fire escape stairs behind the building. So we get to the steps, theyre barely wide enough to fit a normal sized person through, they look almost 100yrs old, and the best part......... theyre made of wood. Yes, fire escape stairs made of wood. So we get to the room number, open the door and the room has been cut in half so that 1 could be made into 2. So after shimmying my way through, i take a step into the main room and my boot sinks down. Everything is covered in S:censored: :censored: :censored: !!!!!!! floor, counters, tables everything. We get to the PT, he is covered in s :censored: :censored: :censored: ! it takes all our hand wipes, and many stretcher wipes to clean him up so we can grab him. Turns out hes paraplegic and the only way he can take a poo is to go in a bucket and wait for his aid to come empty it. his aid hadnt been there in several weeks. He had been in the floor for 2 days. Gotta love EMS!


----------



## Martyn

medic17 said:


> The other day i was at a small grocery shop when i over hear this: "my finger hurts can you give me a elastic bandage". I turn my head and see a 20s male talking to the shop owner a former EMT (Quit about 6 years ago. Not certified anymore. Told me some time ago that he has not kept up with developments.) The owner turned and saw me. He told the pt that i am a medic and he should speak to me. So far a normal off duty thing (in my country there is a duty to act even wen off duty and not in uniform). The pt c/o post MVA rt index and forearm pain x2 days and get this he has already bean checked by a orthopedic doctor and all x-rays clean. I checked for brusing which can sometimes com 24-48 hrs later and found non. since so far i am not working with any organization and i am not a full EMT but a EMR-a i could not take him to a hospital and did not think he needed one anyway. told him an elastic bandage would hurt and he should take a *otc pain killer for the next 3 days if the pain was bothering him to function*.
> 
> P.S.
> I am fairly new at this so if anyone has tips/suggestions on this or other ambulatory Injuries please PM me.


 I wouldn't 'prescribe' anything, I wouldn't even suggest an OTC med...if he had a reaction and said well so and so told me to take it you are screwed


----------



## Martyn

blittle said:


> I went on a ride along not too long ago (first one). I'm still an EMT student, so this is one of about 5 calls total that I've been on, haha.
> Call was for a 50 year old women *c/o* severe abd. pain.
> We walk in and she was watching Wheel of Fortune. One of the FF's tried to turn the TV off and she yelled "Wait! I want to see the end of this episode!"
> He stood in front of it while trying to ask her questions and she leaned around to look at the TV. He asked her the pain level and she said "definitely 10/10..." She demanded transport, but only after Wheel of Fortune was over..
> 
> Next call I went on was a truck driver at a truck stop. He was working on his semi and reached in the engine bay with it still running. All 4 fingers on his left hand were severed at the first knuckle. Firefighter asked the pain question again and trucker says "ahh sh** this ain't nuttin' but a 4."
> Firefighter back at station says "I don't want to know what's happened to that man in his life..."
> I thought those two calls back to back were pretty funny. Showed to me as a student how things like OPQRST aren't always accurate.


 
 Am I missing something here? I have now seen several threads where the C/C (Chief Complaint!!!) is being abbreviated C/O...er, what does C/O stand for? (Probably me being dumb)


----------



## Anjel

Martyn said:


> Am I missing something here? I have now seen several threads where the C/C (Chief Complaint!!!) is being abbreviated C/O...er, what does C/O stand for? (Probably me being dumb)



Complaining of?


----------



## triemal04

sneauxpod said:


> While I was doing my medic rounds in the hospital, a patient came in, "family" had dropped her off in the er entrance and left, when registration checked, *she was pulseless and apneic*. got her ro recess and *she was asystolic*. *CPR full ACLS protocol was done, after about 20mins they were about to call her *and I piped up saying "hey we might as well try pushing some narcan just in case." needless to say, the ER doc scoffed at me. about 2 cycles later, one of the nurses came in and said that he got ahold of the PTs real family and she was a chronic narc abuser. *Narcan got pushed, she came back*. needless to say the doc was totally P.O.ed at me for making him look like a fool and I become the nurses favorite student lol.


I'm not the brightest, so can you real quickly explain how narcan caused her heart to start beating again?  Thanks.


----------



## Martyn

medic417 said:


> I have problems with your attitude. People abuse EMS because they are allowed to abuse it. More services need to learn to say no to non emergent patients that can safely be transported pov.


 
Like getting called 911 non emergency to a 3 month old baby boy that hasn't pooped in 4 days...waste of EVERYONES time

(Thanks Anjel for putting me straight lol)


----------



## Martyn

triemal04 said:


> I'm not the brightest, so can you real quickly explain how narcan caused her heart to start beating again? Thanks.


 


> *Naloxone Injection(nal ox' one)*
> 
> Last Revision: July 18, 2012.
> 
> *Why is this medication prescribed?*
> 
> Naloxone injection is used to prevent or reverse the effects of opiate (narcotic) overdose, including difficulty breathing, sleepiness, low blood pressure, and death. Naloxone injection is also used after surgery to reverse the effects of opiates given during surgery. Naloxone injection is given to newborns to decrease the effects of opiates received by the pregnant mother prior to delivery. Naloxone injection is also used to diagnose a suspected opiate overdose and to increase low blood pressure associated with septic shock (life-threatening infection). Naloxone injection is in a class of medications called opiate antagonists. It works by blocking the central nervous system effects of several types of opiate medications such as morphine, oxycodone, methadone or illegal substances such as heroin.


 
This is from 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0047539/

...don't ask


----------



## JPINFV

Martyn said:


> Am I missing something here? I have now seen several threads where the C/C (Chief Complaint!!!) is being abbreviated C/O...er, what does C/O stand for? (Probably me being dumb)




C/O stands for "complaining of."


----------



## Tigger

Martyn said:


> This is from
> 
> http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0047539/
> 
> ...don't ask



Except for the part about naloxone being an opioid antagonist that is intended to treat respiratory depression. If you're heart stops beating properly or at all secondary to respiratory arrest, naloxone is not going to do anything to fix that. 

Not to be a protocol monkey or anything, but one of the contraindications for BLS nasal naloxone in my system is cardiac arrest, why do you think that might be?


----------



## Phishbohn

This one beats the nipple guy, Got a call, "breathing problems" , got on scene. The pt was an infant on O2 via nc. Parents wanted some tape to keep it in place.


----------



## leoemt

Got sent to a fire station for a walk in. Upon arrival gentleman walks out and wants to go to Harborview. His chief complaint was his fake eye fell out and he needed someone to put it in for him. 

Nice enough guy, but didn't need a $1,000 ambo ride.


----------



## rcklizard

Received a 911  call from a Drs. Clinic, that they had a pt. with a "nosebleed", made it halfway there, when it was cancelled, seems the "nosebleed" had stopped! We wondered...wasn't there a Dr. or a nurse on scene?


----------



## med109

Funniest call, paged to 40 year old female unknown medical. Arrive on scene to children crying and screaming. We thought this isn't good, we asked where Mom was and they pointed to the bedroom. We find mom in the closet sitting in a 55 gallon blue plastic barrel. She was playing hide and seek and hid in the closet, sitting in the barrel, and says she is stuck. Her entire rear end is in the drum, deep, and her feet are up near her shoulders. We tried to tip her over and pull the barrel off, no luck. When she "slipped" into the bucket it created a vacuum. She had no feeling in her feet, and they were turning blue, so we called the fire department out and they cut her out of her bucket. We got her out but she was very tingly for awhile.


----------



## STXmedic

rcklizard said:


> Received a 911  call from a Drs. Clinic, that they had a pt. with a "nosebleed", made it halfway there, when it was cancelled, seems the "nosebleed" had stopped! We wondered...wasn't there a Dr. or a nurse on scene?



We get those all the time. So much so that we started carrying oxymetazoline to treat them :unsure:


----------



## Handsome Robb

rcklizard said:


> Received a 911  call from a Drs. Clinic, that they had a pt. with a "nosebleed", made it halfway there, when it was cancelled, seems the "nosebleed" had stopped! We wondered...wasn't there a Dr. or a nurse on scene?



 A couple years back a medic I know had a patient aspirate a clot from her nosebleed which obstructed her airway, promptly coded and never came back.  Couldn't clear the clot and it worked its way down past the crichothyroid membrane. 

Made me take nosebleeds more seriously.


----------



## NomadicMedic

NVRob said:


> A couple years back a medic I know had a patient aspirate a clot from her nosebleed which obstructed her airway, promptly coded and never came back.  Couldn't clear the clot and it worked its way down past the crichothyroid membrane.
> 
> Made me take nosebleeds more seriously.



The majority of nosebleeds we are dispatched on are stopped when I get there, but I did go on a hypertensive guy who was on Coumadin. Bled and bled and bled. Made me wish for Rhino Rockets.


----------



## Medic Tim

n7lxi said:


> The majority of nosebleeds we are dispatched on are stopped when I get there, but I did go on a hypertensive guy who was on Coumadin. Bled and bled and bled. Made me wish for Rhino Rockets.



My old service looked into getting those.....they decided tampons were cheaper.


----------



## Tigger

Medic Tim said:


> My old service looked into getting those.....they decided tampons were cheaper.



The male athletes at work just looove when someone hands them a tampon for their bloody nose.


----------



## Phishbohn

Just in 30 mins ago.

MVA 1 vehicle 1 pt, broken nose. Cause putting eye drops in while driving.


----------



## Achilles

I had a call to the emtlife.com,
Haven't left since I got here!


----------



## DFRJunkie

Got a call for a 38yr female with dizziness, headache and had fallen out of her bed. We get there, the woman is a hoarder. And also wanted assistance getting back into bed because she was overweight and could not do so herself. She's a frequent caller, too.


----------



## ZombieEMT

*Two Recent Ones*

1st: Get called to the local police department for a diabetic emergency. The only information the dispatcher could provide in route was "police are requesting EMS for a diabetic emergency, nothing further." Diabetic calls are ALS protocol and therefor an ALS unit is attached to the call. Upon arrival, we find the patient with PD wanting to take his diabetes medication, prescribed to him. Police wanted him "assessed" prior to taking his prescribed medication. Needless to say, no need for ALS, no need for BLS, no emergency.

2nd: Get called to a frequent flyer who also happens to be an alcoholic. The report we receive is for a possible stroke. Upon arrival patient stated that he believed he was having a stroke because his finger was numb and that his was feeling altered (after drinking a 12 pack). ALS triaged to BLS, patient discharged from ER shortly after arriving.


----------



## dogboy

*nightmare*

The most ridiculous call I have ever heard of was one of our crews being dispatched to a nightmare.  40 something year old male woke up screaming so his wife called 911.  That part is understandable.  The crew got a refusal, but as they were pulling back in quarters were called out again.  The guy changed his mind and wanted to go to the hospital. That is ridiculous.


----------



## JPINFV

Patient in peds clinic this week.

C/C: Swollen lip. 

Dx: Cold sore. 

I don't get how pediatricians can do this without going insane.


----------



## feldy

call to a male ETOH pt...boarded/Cspine after a fall, had a large egg on his head. While still on scene, dispatched asked us to check on another ETOH pt around the corner...It was Pt 1's 1dentical twin brother!...Actually.


----------



## Kaput

youwhat said:


> had a few good ones, being in control lets you take in all the quality calls that come through
> 
> 1) man with a drinking straw stuck in his penis...just don't ask
> 
> *2) man who had inserted candle into anus which had then broken off.*
> 
> 3) paramedic responding to a cardiac arrest that turned out to be a dead goldfish
> 
> 4) various callers phoning for an ambulance because they 'have run out of money on a night out and can't get home so they need a lift'
> 
> heh


Obviously he needed to get up in the morning.


----------



## BSE

A long time ago, I picked up a guy who shoved approx 3 feet of phone cord up his urethra.  He claimed someone "put it there" after he passed out from a night of drinking.

He later confessed it was a fetish.  The cord coiled and knotted up in his bladder...he couldn't pull it out.  Required surgery.


----------



## CANDawg

BSE said:


> A long time ago, I picked up a guy who shoved approx 3 feet of phone cord up his urethra.  He claimed someone "put it there" after he passed out from a night of drinking.
> 
> He later confessed it was a fetish.  The cord coiled and knotted up in his bladder...he couldn't pull it out.  Required surgery.



In case you haven't seen it: http://www.ranker.com/list/the-13-craziest-objects-ever-found-inside-people/rachel-stewart

My personal favourite is #8.


----------



## sirengirl

dogboy said:


> The most ridiculous call I have ever heard of was one of our crews being dispatched to a nightmare...



Partner and I last month responded for a respiratory. Get there and the woman tells us that she was sleeping, and then she was short of breath, but she can't remember/doesn't know if she woke up short of breath, or if she was just dreaming that she was short of breath. 

She was not short of breath at that time. In fact, had no current complaints. 

And yes she went to the hospital.


----------



## Handsome Robb

sirengirl said:


> Partner and I last month responded for a respiratory. Get there and the woman tells us that she was sleeping, and then she was short of breath, but she can't remember/doesn't know if she woke up short of breath, or if she was just dreaming that she was short of breath.
> 
> She was not short of breath at that time. In fact, had no current complaints.
> 
> And yes she went to the hospital.



To triage with you! 
.


----------



## WCAD1620

hiccups...for some reason they thought we would be able to cure them...yes i tried to scare him...it didnt work and the supervisor had to leave the room(laughing, crying actually) followed promptly be me...my partner did not know what to do...we even had to call the ED to make them feel better.  i think they thought we were lying, lol!


----------



## Fire51

Called out for a female with a broken arm at a trailer complex. When we arrived she was very agitated with at , when out of no where she started swinging her broken forearm at us. She was going nuts, we had to hold her down while the medic pushed so versed to calm her down. All in all it was pretty funny and we all had a good laugh after the call.


----------



## Jim37F

We had a discharge from the hospital to the SNF, not an uncommon call considering I work BLS IFT. We get there and the nurse tells us he's only going there to pick up his things as he's already been discharged from the SNF and then he'll call a cab to go home, but not to worry, the doctor already cleared him for the cab. When I asked why he needed an ambulance in the first place, she answered "he's leaving the hospital going to a SNF, they're always supposed to get an ambulance". Needles to say we called dispatch who called the nurses desk to figure it out and a few minutes later the call was canceled due to "lack of medical necessity"


----------



## medicgrimm

wow lol


----------



## phideux

Had a transport call the other day, luckily it got cancelled on us. Patiet originally called 911 for transport, but he wanted to go to a hospital 100 miles away. They tell him they can't do that, he needs to call a transport company for something like that. So he called our company, guy had no insurance, no job, living with his momma on her welfare and subsidized housing. Was told by dispatch that if he didn't have a PCS from a doctor authorizing the transport, we couldn't take him, unless he wanted to pre pay prior to us transporting.
His complaint, he was 600+lbs, and his testicles were 65lbs, he wanted to be transported for evaluation.
1). This probably didn't happen overnight, what, all of a sudden, made this an emergency at 0100hr on Memorial day???

2). how do people get into the 600+lb range living on welfare and food stamps??? We must be giving them way to much food stamp money to get that big.

3). How does he know his testicle weighed 65lbs???? How do you weigh an attached testicle???? 

4). When you weigh 600+lbs, you can't reach your testicle, he must have a really good friend to do the weigh-in.

5). I think it would have been an emergency to me when a testicle starts getting into the 1lb range(and that's a hell of a stretch).


----------



## AlphaOmega

Wow...I dont even.


----------



## CALEMT

0200 dispatched to a unknown medical. Get on scene to find that the pt called because she couldn't reach her water...


----------



## DesertMedic66

CALEMT said:


> 0200 dispatched to a unknown medical. Get on scene to find that the pt called because she couldn't reach her water...



Sounds like a Sun City Del Webb call


----------



## chaz90

Hmm, I had one guy who called because he couldn't see well out of one eye. Using my outstanding paramedicking skills, I deduced that this was due to the loss of a contact from the eye in question. Best part is we ended up transporting anyway.


----------



## CALEMT

@DesertEMT66 It was the old person in La Quinta call


----------



## DesertMedic66

CALEMT said:


> @DesertEMT66 It was the old person in La Quinta call



Please say the patient didn't get transported.


----------



## Clipper1

chaz90 said:


> Hmm, I had one guy who called because he couldn't see well out of one eye. Using my outstanding paramedicking skills, I deduced that this was due to the loss of a contact from the eye in question. Best part is we ended up transporting anyway.



Did you share what you thought was the problem with the patient? Did you offer to help him call someone to drive him to get another contact? Was this an implantable contact.  Sometimes there is a simple solution. People do panic especially if their eyesight is 20/200 and beyond. Even with one lenses still in it can cause a distortion which would make it unsafe for them to drive by themselves. Even dialing a phone could be challenging.


----------



## Clipper1

phideux said:


> Had a transport call the other day, luckily it got cancelled on us. Patiet originally called 911 for transport, but he wanted to go to a hospital 100 miles away. They tell him they can't do that, he needs to call a transport company for something like that. So he called our company, guy had no insurance, no job, living with his momma on her welfare and subsidized housing. Was told by dispatch that if he didn't have a PCS from a doctor authorizing the transport, we couldn't take him, unless he wanted to pre pay prior to us transporting.
> His complaint, he was 600+lbs, and his testicles were 65lbs, he wanted to be transported for evaluation.
> 1). This probably didn't happen overnight, what, all of a sudden, made this an emergency at 0100hr on Memorial day???
> 
> 2). how do people get into the 600+lb range living on welfare and food stamps??? We must be giving them way to much food stamp money to get that big.
> 
> 3). How does he know his testicle weighed 65lbs???? How do you weigh an attached testicle????
> 
> 4). When you weigh 600+lbs, you can't reach your testicle, he must have a really good friend to do the weigh-in.
> 
> 5). I think it would have been an emergency to me when a testicle starts getting into the 1lb range(and that's a hell of a stretch).



It the scrotal enlargement was an acute situation, it definitely needed to be evaluated ASAP.  We use bedscales or lifts with scales in facilities to determine the weight change. We can also estimate by measurements. Of course if this was a herniation, the overall body weight would not change but the size would. This could also be an emergency situation depending upon the blood supply. More than likely the patient was diabetic so the pain may not be the same as for a healthy 18 year.  This post also sounds like socioeconomic and racial profiling. 

I am seeing some of these posts as having a reasonable medical situation which should be seen or at least some direction given for better resources and a chance to educate.


----------



## CALEMT

DesertEMT66 said:


> Please say the patient didn't get transported.


Pt AMA and we canceled AMR


----------



## Wheel

Clipper1 said:


> It the scrotal enlargement was an acute situation, it definitely needed to be evaluated ASAP.  We use bedscales or lifts with scales in facilities to determine the weight change. We can also estimate by measurements. Of course if this was a herniation, the overall body weight would not change but the size would. This could also be an emergency situation depending upon the blood supply. More than likely the patient was diabetic so the pain may not be the same as for a healthy 18 year.  This post also sounds like socioeconomic and racial profiling.
> 
> I am seeing some of these posts as having a reasonable medical situation which should be seen or at least some direction given for better resources and a chance to educate.



I don't see any part of his post that mentioned race. I don't think you can infer racial profiling from it unless you are assuming something about either the OP or the patient.


----------



## chaz90

Clipper1 said:


> Did you share what you thought was the problem with the patient? Did you offer to help him call someone to drive him to get another contact? Was this an implantable contact.  Sometimes there is a simple solution. People do panic especially if their eyesight is 20/200 and beyond. Even with one lenses still in it can cause a distortion which would make it unsafe for them to drive by themselves. Even dialing a phone could be challenging.



I know you're playing Devil's advocate, but this should fit anyone's definition of a ridiculous call that did not need to involve the 911 system or any healthcare provider. The man was in full control of his faculties, had standard contacts, and had no difficulty dialing a phone as he simply flagged down someone who was walking by.  We of course offered that he was welcome to call someone else for a ride to wherever he kept his contacts/glasses. He was a frequent flyer in our system who just used this as the convenient excuse du jour to call an ambulance, and we still treated him with respect, decency, and gave him a comfortable ride to the hospital after he rejected other options.


----------



## Clipper1

Wheel said:


> I don't see any part of his post that mentioned race. I don't think you can infer racial profiling from it unless you are assuming something about either the OP or the patient.



But you do agree about his comments on the socioeconomic status of this patient was a considerable part of his post?  This should be used as an assessment of providing additional services if needed and not a reason to not provide care at all. People who may be in the low end of the socioeconomic scale are in an at risk group for a number of reasons. 

It is also not uncommon for someone with medical needs to live with a family member that might keep them out of a long term facility which can cost even more for their care. We promote home care situations with a family member as a  care provider as much as possible. 

To stay on topic, I guess my most ridiculous call in the ED would be the EMTs who show up on different shifts wanting pain meds for a back ache and refuse to fill out the paperwork. They want a off the record visit.  We have two EMTs who frequent the ED doing this.  Fill out the paperwork and you will be seen and maybe even sooner because you are an EMT.


----------



## Handsome Robb

Clipper, I agree it was the majority of his post but if we're going to start making exceptions for certain people because they're at a lower socioeconomic class where do you draw the line? How do you say we do this for this person but not for this one?

I have no doubt they would have transported that man to a closer facility without an issue. With that said, he wanted it "his way" and there is no reason that company should be responsible for catering to his needs as well as paying for it...

You want to go to a certain hospital that's very far away? No problem but there are SOPs/SOGs and company Policies that have to be followed.


----------



## Wheel

Robb said:


> Clipper, I agree it was the majority of his post but if we're going to start making exceptions for certain people because they're at a lower socioeconomic class where do you draw the line? How do you say we do this for this person but not for this one?
> 
> I have no doubt they would have transported that man to a closer facility without an issue. With that said, he wanted it "his way" and there is no reason that company should be responsible for catering to his needs as well as paying for it...
> 
> You want to go to a certain hospital that's very far away? No problem but there are SOPs/SOGs and company Policies that have to be followed.



Absolutely this. Unless you have a specialist specifically for your problem at another hospital or the closest facility can't adequately handle your problem, then our policy is to go to the closest appropriate facility. Personal preference is taken into account, but we aren't going to go out of our way (and leave our coverage area) to take you wherever you want without some kind of justification.


----------



## exodus

CALEMT said:


> @DesertEMT66 It was the old person in La Quinta call



I checked the call log for our youngish person in La Quinta. We transported her the 29,30'th, 2'nd, 3'rd, 4'th, 5'th, and the 6'th.  And now it's weekend.


----------



## CALEMT

exodus said:


> I checked the call log for our youngish person in La Quinta. We transported her the 29,30'th, 2'nd, 3'rd, 4'th, 5'th, and the 6'th.  And now it's weekend.


Wow, I wonder if she knows a taxi is cheaper than a ambulance


----------



## AlphaOmega

Well...that escalated quickly.


----------



## exodus

CALEMT said:


> Wow, I wonder if she knows a taxi is cheaper than a ambulance



Not when you have insurance -_-


----------



## CALEMT

exodus said:


> Not when you have insurance -_-


Nice...


----------



## Handsome Robb

CALEMT said:


> Wow, I wonder if she knows a taxi is cheaper than a ambulance



You have to pay a taxi at the time of service...those cabbies are sneaked too. They'll catch ya if you try to dip on them.



exodus said:


> I checked the call log for our youngish person in La Quinta. We transported her the 29,30'th, 2'nd, 3'rd, 4'th, 5'th, and the 6'th.  And now it's weekend.



We have people like that. You out them into the computer and it pops up with like 20-30 transports within the last 60 days....pretty ridiculous.


----------



## CALEMT

Robb said:


> You have to pay a taxi at the time of service...those cabbies are sneaked too. They'll catch ya if you try to dip on them.
> 
> 
> 
> We have people like that. You out them into the computer and it pops up with like 20-30 transports within the last 60 days....pretty ridiculous.


Frequent flyers... gotta love em


----------



## AlphaOmega

CALEMT said:


> Frequent flyers... gotta love em




Hey bpw, dont knock it...those miles really add up! Lol


----------



## DesertMedic66

exodus said:


> I checked the call log for our youngish person in La Quinta. We transported her the 29,30'th, 2'nd, 3'rd, 4'th, 5'th, and the 6'th.  And now it's weekend.



I could have sworn I heard about this the other day


----------



## JPINFV

Any reconsult resulting from the primary team futzing with our pain management orders. 

"Please wean this patient off IV morphine."
::looks at chart::
::sees only IV med order being the wound care one::
::SMH::


----------



## AlphaOmega

CALEMT said:


> Frequent flyers... gotta love em




Hey now, dont knock it...those miles really add up! Lol


----------



## CALEMT

Oh yeah also have to mention those 0300 lift assists are always a pleasure <_<


----------



## abckidsmom

Or the 0100 4 months of post cabg midline sternum soreness. 

"But I took the Tylenol at 6 pm! It's not working!"


----------



## JPINFV

abckidsmom said:


> Or the 0100 4 months of post cabg midline sternum soreness.
> 
> "But I took the Tylenol at 6 pm! It's not working!"




Rx: Ibuprofen cream 10%, apply to affected area 1-2 times a day. Dispense 120 grams. 1 unit, refill 4 times.


----------



## phideux

Clipper1 said:


> It the scrotal enlargement was an acute situation, it definitely needed to be evaluated ASAP.  We use bedscales or lifts with scales in facilities to determine the weight change. We can also estimate by measurements. Of course if this was a herniation, the overall body weight would not change but the size would. This could also be an emergency situation depending upon the blood supply. More than likely the patient was diabetic so the pain may not be the same as for a healthy 18 year.  This post also sounds like socioeconomic and racial profiling.
> 
> I am seeing some of these posts as having a reasonable medical situation which should be seen or at least some direction given for better resources and a chance to educate.




I didn't mention any race, and I don't give a rats hairy *** about socioeconomics. 

It was not an acute situation, it comes about from a lifelong history of the whole family not taking care of themselves, all of them being way above morbidly obese, and all of them being medically non-compliant. Him and the whole family are frequent flyers, and due to the size of every one of them, whenever they call, whether it is a 911 call or a transport call, the transport company has to respond with a bariatric unit because none of the county units can transport any of them. The smallest one in the family is 400lbs+. Also whenever they call it takes the transport unit and the county units out of service for what is usually several hours. The trips to the ER usually result in a couple hours of tests/labs, some prescriptions that won't be taken, some orders that won't be followed, then we get to take everyone out of service again to get them home again.

This is supposed to be a ridiculous call thread, I thought it was ridiculous, not a thread about race or socioeconomics, which I never mentioned.


----------



## NomadicMedic

Everybody take a deep breath ...


----------



## DesertMedic66

DEmedic said:


> Everybody take a deep breath ...



http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/07/world/americas/brazil-soccer-dismemberment


----------



## NomadicMedic

*
I didn't think I needed to spell it out. Let's get back on topic. Last warning or the mods will own this thread.*


----------



## Mariemt

Small cut on finger needing no more than a band aid less than a block from hospital


----------



## DesertMedic66

A couple of years ago I had a call for "full arrest with CPR in progress". We arrive at the house and find no one inside. We start looking around the house and find an intoxicated woman standing in the back yard. She told us that her friend was dead and that she started doing CPR because she was a nurse. She then went on to say that her friend got up and ran off. 

We start searching the gates community. About 15 minutes later we find a guy stumbling on the street. 

Turns out they were both drinking and having fun. The guy decided to take a nap and woke up with his friend doing CPR on him so he took off running.


----------



## comppro

Call went out around 1500 for difficulty breathing at one of the local apartment complexes. Responded to find a pt. with about 5 packs of cigarettes lying on the table and pt. was doing her best to smoke all of them before leaving with us. When asked what seemed to be the problem she calmly responded she had been having a little bit of difficulty breathing for months and decided it was a good time to get checked out.

She didn't seem to understand why we wouldn't give her any O2 while she was smoking.:wacko: 

Also she tried multiple times to light up in the back of the rig and got mad when my partner wouldn't let her.


----------



## phideux

comppro said:


> Call went out around 1500 for difficulty breathing at one of the local apartment complexes. Responded to find a pt. with about 5 packs of cigarettes lying on the table and pt. was doing her best to smoke all of them before leaving with us. When asked what seemed to be the problem she calmly responded she had been having a little bit of difficulty breathing for months and decided it was a good time to get checked out.
> 
> She didn't seem to understand why we wouldn't give her any O2 while she was smoking.:wacko:
> 
> Also she tried multiple times to light up in the back of the rig and got mad when my partner wouldn't let her.



Just love those calls where you walk in the front door and can feel the lung cancer start to develop, and you have to follow the 100yds of O2 tubing through the smoke to find the patient.


----------



## EMT2B

phideux said:


> Just love those calls where you walk in the front door and can feel the lung cancer start to develop, and you have to follow the 100yds of O2 tubing through the smoke to find the patient.


Sadly enough, I had an aunt and a cousin (mother and daughter) who both fit that bill.  Cousin passed away first from lung and kidney cancer.  Aunt passed away a few years later from emphysema, lung cancer, and complications due to a broken hip (sustained by tripping over her O2 tubing).  *sigh*  One of many reasons I never started smoking.


----------



## Handsome Robb

We got tones out for a "fall with entrapment" a while back. Arrived on Scene to find an urban outdoorsman trapped inside the back of a trash truck.

Per the driver he usually sleeps in a certain dumpster and when the driver checked it he wasn't there so he went about his business and dumped the rest of the dumpsters assuming the man was out wandering around. As he was driving away he heard yelling and banging on the side of the truck, got out climbed up and found him in there.

He couldn't open the back because there was too much trash so fire had to get a collapsible ladder to get him out.

Luckily it was 0300 and the dumpsters were near a bunch of homes so the driver didn't run the compactor blade. Could have been a very bad night rather than a rather amusing one. 

We made an "occupied" sign out of a pizza box for him, drove him to his stash spot a little down the road to get his other pair of shoes since the first pair were somewhere in the trash truck, he signed the AMA and went on his merry way.


----------



## EMT2B

Robb said:


> We got tones out for a "fall with entrapment" a while back. Arrived on Scene to find an urban outdoorsman trapped inside the back of a trash truck.
> ...
> We made an "occupied" sign out of a pizza box for him, drove him to his stash spot a little down the road to get his other pair of shoes since the first pair were somewhere in the trash truck, he signed the AMA and went on his merry way.


"Urban Outdoorsman" such a great term!!  And I love the "occupied" sign idea as well!!  :lol:


----------



## AtlasFlyer

My very first call-out while doing my ride-alongs last spring while in EMT-B class:

Get a call for "trouble breathing". Show up to a house, lady answers door, is standing, talking, not in distress. Says she took her vitamins and "they got stuck in her throat and she called because she wanted to make sure her airway wasn't blocked". Yes, the woman who calmly answered the door, talking, breathing, wanted to make sure her airway wasn't blocked.

The paramedics I was riding with were very kind, had her drink a glass of water, I took her vitals, and one of the medics explained how the esophagus works and that if she can breathe and talk that her airway wasn't blocked. 

She thanked us nicely for our time and we left. No transport. 

I give the medics a lot of credit for how nice they were to her, and even taking the time to explain to her how the mechanics of swallowing work...

We all face-palmed when we got back in the ambulance to go back to the station.


----------



## Highlander

A headache.... I can understand somewhat if it's incredibly painful or continuing for days, however he said it wasn't that bad and I guessed he just wanted a free ride to the hospital.


----------



## EMT B

Got a call to the nursing home for a chest pain. arrive on scene to find patient unresponsive with a bp 70 by palp cause the dr administered 3 SL nitro w/o a bp


----------



## Scruit

I don't get all the "free ride" to the hospital stuff.  I get insurance through my job and I still have to pay a $250 copay on an ER visit.  If my deductible isn't paid up for the year then that trip to ER can cost me anywhere from $2500 for self-drive or about $3500 for the big red taxi.  :blink:   

On topic:  My brother is a paramedic in the UK and he gets his frequent fliers too.  The annoying ones are those that call with chest pain or short of breath, get driven to the hospital of their choice then simply exit the ambulance upon arrival saying they feel better.  My brother told me he figured out this one frequent customer lived near the hospital and just didn't want to pay for a taxi after getting drunk so the next time he did this they drove him to a different hospital.   Didn't see him again.


----------



## Carlos Danger

Scruit said:


> I don't get all the "free ride" to the hospital stuff.  I get insurance through my job and I still have to pay a $250 copay on an ER visit.  If my deductible isn't paid up for the year then that trip to ER can cost me anywhere from $2500 for self-drive or about $3500 for the big red taxi.  :blink:



Medicare doesn't have any deductibles.....


----------



## Glucatron

There have been many but what comes to mind right now is this: my company and the hospital have a (stupid) agreement that we can be utilized as a transport for people on alcohol holds to the detox center. Well I was in back with the pt this time. Two in the morning after a nonstop day and morning. Older lady, quite clearly inebriated. Especially obvious when she began masturbating and trying to talk dirty to me. Let me just say, she stopped, though she wasn't too happy about it. Ofcourse, I'm sure it was karma for a previous call that evening where I drove laughing my *** off while my partner transported a drunk that was hitting on him and making inappropriate motions toward him. To be fair, it was pretty funny. " stop doing that with your hand, m'am! That's inappropriate!" I know, I know. Double standards. But it was hilarious.


----------



## medic17

Glucatron said:


> Ofcourse, I'm sure it was karma for a previous call that evening where I drove laughing my *** off while my partner transported a drunk that was hitting on him and making inappropriate motions toward him. To be fair, it was pretty funny. " stop doing that with your hand, m'am! That's inappropriate!" I know, I know. Double standards. But it was hilarious.



where i work i could call the police on that one. if he touched me he could go to jail for a LONG time. (and we have the privilege of getting the tactical team involved. they are not known for being gentile.)


----------



## Glucatron

medic17 said:


> where i work i could call the police on that one. if he touched me he could go to jail for a LONG time. (and we have the privilege of getting the tactical team involved. they are not known for being gentile.)



Technically, we could too. Though we are missing the privilege you have.


----------



## STXmedic

medic17 said:


> where i work i could call the police on that one. if he touched me he could go to jail for a LONG time. (and we have the privilege of getting the tactical team involved. they are not known for being gentile.)



Somebody needs thicker skin if that's even a consideration. I'm not going to ruin someone's entire life because they were drunk and acting as such. If I'm actually physically assaulted, then sure (and I'm talking fight, not "wah he touched me"). But if you want everyone to worship your feet and cooperate 100% while acting like complete gentlemen, you're in the wrong profession. Get a tactical unit to "rough up" someone for that- or anything even in the ballpark of that... Are you f'ing kidding me...


----------



## epipusher

Different people have varying levels of comfort. You are no one to judge how someone else should react to "being touched." Not everyone can be a real world bada***.


----------



## exodus

epipusher said:


> Different people have varying levels of comfort. You are no one to judge how someone else should react to "being touched." Not everyone can be a real world bada***.



If simply being touched by an ALOC patient who is not responsible for their actions (They can't refuse medical care, so obviously they're incompetent and can't be held liable for their actions, even if they are drunk, right?) is reason enough for this person to push felony sexual battery, then she needs to go elsewhere, it's just a part of the job being touched on occasion. If they do it, then you restrain them and tell them no.  If they're that belligerent and altered in the first place, they should have been restrained anyway.


----------



## STXmedic

epipusher said:


> Different people have varying levels of comfort. You are no one to judge how someone else should react to "being touched." Not everyone can be a real world bada***.



So you advocate completely ruining somebody's life because you got a little bit offended or your feelers hurt- when the patient was altered from their normal state no less? Then maybe you should join him in the search for a new profession. That's not being a "real world badass"; it's being a decent and understanding human being.


----------



## hoeyxd

Homeless man in Lynwood doing Michael Jackson moves in the middle of the street at 3 am. Irritating but hilarious


----------



## TheLocalMedic

I literally heard fire get dispatched for a cat stuck in a tree last year.  Best. Call. Ever.


----------



## RHEMT406

My favorite is being greeted by a pile of dog crap.


----------



## lilith88

*my knee hurts now*

have yall seen that vid on youtube the replies on here made me think of it


----------



## johnrsemt

It wasn't dispatched to me,  but we went to check it out,   along with the other 3 trucks that were on duty, and within 20 miles.

Transfer from Level I hospital to 2nd Level I  for a psych consult:

20 y/o male; wearing a black cape, stating he is a vampire, and that he is 20 months pregnant.   (I didn't realize vampires carried their babies that long,  but I guess they do).

  He had a black cape,  and a small pot belly,   couldn't get him to show his teeth.


----------



## Glucatron

johnrsemt said:


> It wasn't dispatched to me,  but we went to check it out,   along with the other 3 trucks that were on duty, and within 20 miles.
> 
> Transfer from Level I hospital to 2nd Level I  for a psych consult:
> 
> 20 y/o male; wearing a black cape, stating he is a vampire, and that he is 20 months pregnant.   (I didn't realize vampires carried their babies that long,  but I guess they do).
> 
> He had a black cape,  and a small pot belly,   couldn't get him to show his teeth.



Awesome! You just made my otherwise dreary day at work a whole lot brighter! ^.^


----------



## alphamikefoxtrot

johnrsemt said:


> It wasn't dispatched to me,  but we went to check it out,   along with the other 3 trucks that were on duty, and within 20 miles.
> 
> 
> 
> Transfer from Level I hospital to 2nd Level I  for a psych consult:
> 
> 
> 
> 20 y/o male; wearing a black cape, stating he is a vampire, and that he is 20 months pregnant.   (I didn't realize vampires carried their babies that long,  but I guess they do).
> 
> 
> 
> He had a black cape,  and a small pot belly,   couldn't get him to show his teeth.




Couldn't R/O Vampire due to time of day?  Trauma bag needs wooden stake.


----------



## johnrsemt

Never thought of that   but it was daytime,     but the ambulance bay is covered,  and the receiving bay was a garage,   so he probably wasn't ever in direct sunlight


----------



## Emtsgv

94 y/o male, hard of hearing, going in for penile edema... i work with a female partner and she lost the rock paper scissor on this call. 


This guy was funny and a great person, but he would fall asleep literally after one answer questions


me driving: almost there dadadada red bull yumm

partner: SIRRRRRRR ARE YOU SLEEEEPING?????? CAN YOU WAKE UP I NEED TO ASK YOU QUESTIONS......

(as shes like 1 inch from his head lol)

PT: ................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....zZZZZZZZZZZZ

partner: SIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR please wake up -_-....


pt: uhohh.... hi! 


priceless this went on for about 15 mins while we transported


----------



## NomadicMedic

What did she need to ask him? You don't let people sleep during IFTs?


----------



## Tigger

DEmedic said:


> What did she need to ask him? You don't let people sleep during IFTs?



Most of my 911 patients are free to sleep too haha....


----------



## Emtsgv

DEmedic said:


> What did she need to ask him? You don't let people sleep during IFTs?



i do LOL jk


come on!  we take our jobs seriously thank you very much!


----------



## chaz90

Emtsgv said:


> i do LOL jk
> 
> 
> come on!  we take our jobs seriously thank you very much!



I think it was a serious question. You honestly don't let your patients sleep during transports? Particularly on most IFTs, and for many 911 calls, you really shouldn't need to bombard the patient with questions the entire time. Dim the lights, fluff the pillow, and let them go off to dreamland...


----------



## Emtsgv

chaz90 said:


> I think it was a serious question. You honestly don't let your patients sleep during transports? Particularly on most IFTs, and for many 911 calls, you really shouldn't need to bombard the patient with questions the entire time. Dim the lights, fluff the pillow, and let them go off to dreamland...



I'm sorry but I do my job to the fullest extent , there not in he back of my ambulance to "sleep" they can sleep at home or the hospital , how can one do his paper work or give a good report to the RN at receive facility ? There's this stigma that fire or 911 ambulances are the only ones that can do or give good care well I'm no burnout and won't become one sir sorry


----------



## Anjel

Emtsgv said:


> I'm sorry but I do my job to the fullest extent , there not in he back of my ambulance to "sleep" they can sleep at home or the hospital , how can one do his paper work or give a good report to the RN at receive facility ? There's this stigma that fire or 911 ambulances are the only ones that can do or give good care well I'm no burnout and won't become one sir sorry




It should take 5 minutes to get all your questions done and out of the way. And you will have all your info to give to whoever. 

If I don't feel good, I want to sleep. Let the poor people sleep.


----------



## Emtsgv

Anjel said:


> It should take 5 minutes to get all your questions done and out of the way. And you will have all your info to give to whoever.
> 
> If I don't feel good, I want to sleep. Let the poor people sleep.



I'm not holding them hostage and saying they can't sleep, but when transport time is 10 mins or 15 I'm going to get my assesment questions out not saying that it takes me that long but it's per call so if I gotta dig I'm going to simple as that but if the situation allows then to sleep then by all means to ahead


----------



## chaz90

Emtsgv said:


> I'm sorry but I do my job to the fullest extent , there not in he back of my ambulance to "sleep" they can sleep at home or the hospital , how can one do his paper work or give a good report to the RN at receive facility ? There's this stigma that fire or 911 ambulances are the only ones that can do or give good care well I'm no burnout and won't become one sir sorry



Why do you think your ambulance is some kind of sacred medical Mecca that should never allow patients to rest? The man is 94 years old. He's being transferred for a routine non-emergent issue, and your role in this scenario is to provide a comfortable and safe ride to the hospital.

I didn't insinuate that you were burnt out, nor would I ever suggest that IFT services don't provide good care. Furthermore, differences between 911 and IFT has nothing to do with this scenario. The reality is BLS IFT should emphasize transport and good customer service. In this case, good customer service means letting the patient sleep. You're not going to do anything to fix the patient's medical problem, and any questions you want answered are in the patient's chart right in front of you. The sending facility likely called in report to the receiving anyway, and telling the receiving RN that your stable patient slept comfortably without complaint for the 15 minute transport with stable vitals throughout is perfectly acceptable. Pass on the chief complaint and chart, and your handover report is finished.


----------



## Emtsgv

chaz90 said:


> Why do you think your ambulance is some kind of sacred medical Mecca that should never allow patients to rest? The man is 94 years old. He's being transferred for a routine non-emergent issue, and your role in this scenario is to provide a comfortable and safe ride to the hospital.
> 
> I didn't insinuate that you were burnt out, nor would I ever suggest that IFT services don't provide good care. Furthermore, differences between 911 and IFT has nothing to do with this scenario. The reality is BLS IFT should emphasize transport and good customer service. In this case, good customer service means letting the patient sleep. You're not going to do anything to fix the patient's medical problem, and any questions you want answered are in the patient's chart right in front of you. The sending facility likely called in report to the receiving anyway, and telling the receiving RN that your stable patient slept comfortably without complaint for the 15 minute transport with stable vitals throughout is perfectly acceptable. Pass on the chief complaint and chart, and your handover report is finished.



We simple don't agree and that's fine , I respect what you have to say but i won't change my assesment or the way I operate while in the field by all means do what you feel is right and as will I , I'm not here to argue


----------



## NomadicMedic

Emtsgv said:


> We simple don't agree and that's fine , I respect what you have to say but i won't change my assesment or the way I operate while in the field by all means do what you feel is right and as will I , I'm not here to argue




I'm simply amazed by your attitude. I'm speechless. And that doesn't happen very often.


----------



## Emtsgv

DEmedic said:


> I'm simply amazed by your attitude. I'm speechless. And that doesn't happen very often.



well thank you sir.

hope your words were in a positive matter! lol


----------



## vcuemt

Emtsgv said:


> well thank you sir.
> 
> hope your words were in a positive matter! lol



Hint: they weren't


----------



## Emtsgv

vcuemt said:


> Hint: they weren't



Oh well idk lol


----------



## TheLocalMedic

DEmedic said:


> What did she need to ask him? You don't let people sleep during IFTs?



^This.  If it's an IFT, get all your questions out of the way while you're picking them up, or look it up in their chart.  Transport time on an IFT is sleep time for them and report writing time for you.  If you haven't figured this method out on your own already, you're probably either a newbie or committed to acting like one.


----------



## Emtsgv

TheLocalMedic said:


> you're probably either a newbie or committed to acting like one.



Your rude comment is unnecessary, but sense so many people feel that we need not talk to pt's en route and its mandatory to let them SLEEP because that's so important to an IFT transport.

why dont they just take a taxi?


For this call that i spoke of, i was not attending, i was driving was sharing a funny story that my partner was the one attending


but there has been plenty of times where ive gone to a SNF and the report was not given to me at all "just transport", well okay your the RN, get to the hospital or receiving facility and they say, "we never got a report" so there for i do my questions which don't take 15 mins, maybe 5-7 mins in total WITH vitals, but the point i was trying to make is if i have to spend 15 mins getting the information i would, every  PT isn't getting GRILLED for 15 mins or 20 until arriving, i let pts sleep If at the time my assessment is done and my paper is squared away.


this thread blew up with hate, and put downs, i personally hope none of you are FTO's because the way ive been treated is kinda sad IMO, i take pride in PT care and helping people i got into this line of work to help people not be put down by some people on threads anyway i wish you all the best of luck but i wont reply to this thread anymore! good luck and be safe out there


----------



## TheLocalMedic

Emtsgv said:


> Your rude comment is unnecessary, but sense so many people feel that we need not talk to pt's en route and its mandatory to let them SLEEP because that's so important to an IFT transport, why dont they just take a taxi?



Edited your spacing so it makes sense…  however the word you were searching for was actually *since* instead of sense…  And the reason they can't take a taxi should be apparent.  I won't explain any further because it makes my head hurt.  



Emtsgv said:


> For this call that i spoke of, i was not attending, i was driving was sharing a funny story that my partner was the one attending



Right, but you inferred that you operate the same way...



Emtsgv said:


> but there has been plenty of times where ive gone to a SNF and the report was not given to me at all "just transport", well okay your the RN, get to the hospital or receiving facility and they say, "we never got a report" so there for i do my questions which don't take 15 mins, maybe 5-7 mins in total WITH vitals, but the point i was trying to make is if i have to spend 15 mins getting the information i would, every  PT isn't getting GRILLED for 15 mins or 20 until arriving, i let pts sleep If at the time my assessment is done and my paper is squared away.



*_have been plenty_ (another edit) *_you're_ and there are other edits, but again, it makes my head hurt.  The point I think I was trying to make was:  ask those questions beforehand.  The nurse can say "just transport" all day long (although in my experience that's not the case) but you have the ability to say, "Yeah, but before we go I'd like to know a little more about this guy.  Can you tell me what is going on with him?  Where is he going?  Why?  What's his history?  Is his meds/allergy list in his file?  Are there any special needs?"  



Emtsgv said:


> this thread blew up with hate, and put downs, i personally hope none of you are FTO's because the way ive been treated is kinda sad IMO, i take pride in PT care and helping people i got into this line of work to help people not be put down by some people on threads anyway i wish you all the best of luck but i wont reply to this thread anymore! good luck and be safe out there



I don't think this thread "blew up with hate".  I think it blew up with common sense...


----------



## emt11

While not my most ridiculous call, it was rather funny. Around 0330 the other night, a call goes out on the county fire channel(we scan) for an "Accident with injuries, possible rollover", after hearing which engine was responding I knew we weren't going to get the call(too far away), our dispatch then comes on the radio and dispatches the closest unit to that call all while another call on fire's channel comes out for a rectal bleed, and as luck would have it, we get the rectal bleed, we go in route and about a minute later our dispatcher gets on the radio and tells the unit that is enroute to the MVC that they now need to stage as one of the drivers of the cars that was involved is now out of his car and chasing the driver of the other car around the scene, to which someone got on the radio and said "sounds like 2 refusals to me". Gotta have what fun you can at 0330.


----------



## eju218

Dispatched for the 54 yo female sitting in her doorway, on a bucket, wearing only a diaper!!!!


----------



## dalmain

JPINFV said:


> Sounds like a reasonable use of the original meaning of queer. After all, who hasn't felt a little queer from time to time?



Yep original meaning of the word. Just like gay means happy. 

This was early in my career. We got called by PD and rescue. On scene PD was chasing after a nude girl. They finally caught her and managed to put some clothes on her. She was restrained to the stretcher. She was clearly on something. She had a big shiner (black eye). Well on the way to the hospital she kept taking her clothes off and she wanted to have sex with me and my partner. It's a call that I never forgot. She was actually not bad looking. I was never tempted, but just the thought. 
Just the other day we were at the ER and PD came in with a kid on bath salts. This kid was insane. Growling like an animal. Interesting.


----------



## dutemplar

Infected brand new Prince Albert.   Softball sized and fire engine red.  

I was chauffing a volunteer based unit.  The two EMTs were smoking hot and went in ahead of me as I was an extra that day...


----------



## joshrunkle35

medic17 said:


> where i work i could call the police on that one. if he touched me he could go to jail for a LONG time. (and we have the privilege of getting the tactical team involved. they are not known for being gentile.)




Gentle. Gentile.


----------



## mycrofft

*Hassid SWAT*





Yes, that's what GOOGLE images dredged up. I wanted guys in tac gear labelled "SWAT" in Hebrew.


----------



## mycrofft

Dispatched to kid with hand trapped in a bike chain. Sure enough, bike on it's back, seven year old girl was cranking the pedals and watching the wheel whiz, she went to do something near the chain and her brother touched the pedals.

As we were running in little circles to get the bolt cutters, with this screaming little girl and her panicked mother adding to the chaos, the assistant chief arrived. Took the pipe out of his mouth, looked at the hand, said "Huh!" and gave the crank a half turn.

Hand freed.


----------



## Tigger

I don't have a lot of truly absurd stories. But this fall I got one and I don't think I ever put it up here.

I was driving to work minding my own business on a good sized divided state highway when I noticed probably ten cars pulled over in various states of disarray in the center median. As I put my coffee down I also notice two dead deer lying in the median as well. Now for whatever reason, my service sends an ambulance to non-injury traffic accidents, to include the many car vs. deer accidents we run on this highway. Given that it was about to be shift change, I stopped to confirm that it was in fact non-injury so that I could call the station and cancel the responding crew, which is something that we do all the time. 

As I walked over to the bystanders it became apparent that people were freaking out *hard*. When I asked if anyone was hurt no one said anything comprehensible, just lots of babbling and hands over mouths. Then someone pointed about 10 yards away to an individual lying in the middle of the median covered in blankets and surrounded by more people with shocked expressions. I recognized one of these frantic people as a volunteer from a neighboring fire district and she yelled to me to "get your stethoscope, I can't get a blood pressure." In my under-coffeed state I did not really recognize the absurdness of this request and dutifully returned to my car to retrieve said stethoscope.

When I finally made it to the patient I realized we had a problem. There in front of me is a woman breathing once or twice a minute, trismused, decerbate posturing, and bleeding a fair bit from a massive scalp laceration. So much for getting a blood pressure. Lacking much in the way of equipment, we rolled the patient over to clear the airway, which saw most of the patient's teeth fall out as well. The volunteer then asked if I could try to get a BP again. Errrrr....

I asked the volunteer if she had a BVM and an NPA in her kit and she said "I have no idea" so she then unzipped the bag, turned it upside down, and proceeded to dump the entire contents of the bag into the median. Combing through the contents and brushing some dirt off along the way, I did end up getting an NPA and starting to bag. 

At this point I could hear the ambulance and fire approaching and it dawned on me that I still had no idea what was going on. So I looked up, picked the most together looking person, and asked what exactly had happened. More babbling and finally "errraerrra she uh uh uh got hit by a by by a by a a a a uhhhh deer." 

Initially I struggled to process this bit of information, as generally speaking person vs. deer incidents do not often result in two clearly dead deer next to the victim. So the best I could come up with was "no way man. You mean like trampled?" To which the bystander replied "no no no the deer it just, it just just, hit." 

At this point the ambulance has arrived and my supervisor is coming down the median and he asks what we have. And of course all I can provide is "she got hit by a deer!" which was received with a "wait what?" "Yea, hit by a deer, obvious combative closed head, trismused, the works." So he said fine and went back to the ambulance to get his RSI stuff setup while the rest us of worked on getting her packaged and out of the median. RSI in the ambulance and then I drove us down to a trauma center in the city. Eventually she made a nearly full recovery and I am told lives independently. 

And we did eventually figure out what happened, but of course only after giving report at the hospital to a doctor who was about as befuddled as we were. 

As it turned out, our patient had hit a fawn and launched it into the median. In a misguided moment of love for animals, the woman got out to check on her victim. Several other people also joined her. Meanwhile, the mama deer returned to the scene and was struck by a pickup truck about seventy feet away. The force of the impact sent the deer rocketing through the air and yup you guessed it, struck the woman about the head at a high rate of speed. 

It's not known which impact resulted in the deer's passing...


----------



## mycrofft

Winner for the chicken dinner today!!


----------



## CALEMT

Got dispatched to a person stuck in a tree about a year ago. The tree she was up in was a 5 foot drop on one side and a 15 foot drop on the other (tree was on a slope) so basically she could have just simply jumped down and that would have been that. But no, she was scared stiff and we had to climb on up there and walk her down. Oh and might inform you that we just sat down for dinner also. Not necessarily a totally ridiculous call, but more of a funny one. 

Oh and Tigger that sucks for the woman but I laughed when I read your last paragraph. What are the odds of that!


----------



## Mainspring

dayymmnnnnn Tigger... 

mama deer got her revenge, even in death? :huh: :unsure: :huh:


----------



## Tigger

That's what we figured. The responding crew had 40 years of experience and both agreed that this one trumped any other "so we had this call the other day..." type of story. 

That and the ED doc going "and this is why I support paramedics RSIing both contribute to the story inability to go away.


----------



## Chewy20

More of an annoying call.

Got called in the middle of the night (forget the chief complaint) for an "emergency." We arrive on scene to a homeless man sitting within a block of the ER. The two LEO's informed me that he was just discharged from said ER, as they refused to give him pain meds. PT says he needs a ride to a different hospital (30 mins away) because he has a doctors appointment there. He has no idea what appointment is for. I call hospital to check if this guy has an appointment, and they of course say no. Told the PT to get in the back and to not call 911 again for something a taxi could of handled.

Someone tell me why we cant refuse transport!


----------



## DerekC

Picked up an ETOH 42 YOF at the gas station tonight. As I am standing near her putting her on the monitor, she reaches up caresses my cheek, and says "can I kiss your butthole?" The only thing i could manage to say was "uh, I gotta jump up front and drive us to the hospital".


----------



## TheLocalMedic

I'm sure most of you have had the call where law enforcement calls an ambulance for an arrestee who's having a "seizure" (acute incarceritis).  But I had one the other night that positively made me laugh.  

Called out per LE request at a gas station and pulled up to see a few cops standing around a guy who is handcuffed and sitting on a pump island.  

Cop:  _He's a deuce_ (DUI) _but he says he feels like he's going to have a seizure._

The guy sits there grinning like a kid who found the prize in a Crackerjack box.

Me:  _Has he had a seizure?_

Cop:  _Uh, no.  _

Me:  _Then why are we here?_

...

Apparently they wanted me to "medically clear him" so they could take him to jail.  My response?  _Until he actually has a seizure, my medical opinion is that he's full of sh*t and that you know better than to call us for this kind of nonsense._

Sigh...


----------



## Krishna008

*Large Woman in dire need*

Called to a residence where fire and PD are gathered on the porch laughing. Me and my partner are standing outside and the medic beckons us in. I see the largest woman I have ever seen. 500+ lbs. She is butt naked and is bent over a table with her crack caked in feces. She needed wiping. Not in my scope of practice is what I told the medic.


----------



## Tigger

Krishna008 said:


> Called to a residence where fire and PD are gathered on the porch laughing. Me and my partner are standing outside and the medic beckons us in. I see the largest woman I have ever seen. 500+ lbs. She is butt naked and is bent over a table with her crack caked in feces. She needed wiping. Not in my scope of practice is what I told the medic.



Seriously? You won't help a patient attempt to maintain their own, what's the word, dignity?


----------



## Medic Tim

Tigger said:


> Seriously? You won't help a patient attempt to maintain their own, what's the word, dignity?




Yeah. Major pt advocacy fail here. Facepalm


----------



## Krishna008

well....regardless of how much i didnt want to i was still the designated one for the job for this kind of thing. It did get done


----------



## EMSchic092

years ago my partner and I got dispatched to a call for severe constipation.  When we get there the pt tells us he had been constipated x3 days.  He continued to let us know that he drank a bottle and a half of prune juice the night before and woke up this morning had a bowel movement and now wants to go to the ER for diarrhea.  unreal!!!


----------



## Angel

prescription refill....and she wanted to go to the farthest hospital in the county (didn't happen) and proceeded to be a b#### the entire ride. <_<


----------



## Drax

Angel said:


> prescription refill....and she wanted to go to the farthest hospital in the county (didn't happen) and proceeded to be a b#### the entire ride. <_<



If it isn't a free service and/or the charge is by the mile, I'd happily escort her. Wouldn't really pay any attention to her though.


----------



## EMTTrainingResource

Oh wow!  A song is all it took.


----------



## DameonLaRouge

EMTSteve said:


> Called to a 42 y/o male with a c/c "I think I'm having a heart attack".
> We arrive on scene and find him lying UC on the living room floor.
> We check vitals.... all WNL.
> After establishing an IV, hooking him to the 12 lead and several other things
> Um.. okay. We decided to do some "tests".
> First the hand drop test(s)... FAILED (missed his face every time)
> Tried inserting a OPA... FAILED (clenched his jaw tighter then a dolphins butt)
> So we were pretty sure this guy is faking it.
> We get to the ED and drop him off and give the story to the RN.
> She turns around and walks into the Pts room and loudly says " Okay we are going to need to get his temp.... hand me the rectal thermometer"
> 
> The Pt. suddenly awakes, jumps up and yells NOO.
> 
> Turns out he was having problems with his soon to be ex-wife and was looking for attention.




Oh my god, I should NOT read these stories in public, everyone is looking at me funny as I cackle with laughter


----------



## CentralCalEMT

0300 call for a bad dream. The patient was in a nice house and middle aged. They seemed normal but had never had a bad dream in their life. so when they had their first bad dream....they called 911. lol


----------



## Anjel

CentralCalEMT said:


> 0300 call for a bad dream. The patient was in a nice house and middle aged. They seemed normal but had never had a bad dream in their life. so when they had their first bad dream....they called 911. lol




I had a guy that dreamt he was paralyzed. He woke up with his arm asleep and freaked and called 911 lol


----------



## spnjsquad

Lady claimed she was having a stroke and she felt like she was going to die. No slurred speech or visual drooping of any side of the body, passed the stroke scale, BP was approx. 130/75." Are you dizzy?" "No....wait yes, yes I am." She answered every question correctly and promptly, and claimed she had no pain anywhere. She asked us to take her to a hospital 1 hour away because "she likes it the best there". Turns out she was a frequent flyer who had visited quite a few different hospitals in a few months notice.


----------



## burnsmh

*WARNING 'GROSS' STORY*

Second hand and kind of gross.

My best friend since 3rd grade, his mom is a nurse. He is in the Navy. He is on leave and we're visiting, his mom hears about me wanting to do EMT work at the plants. She reminds us of a story she told us when we were younger, the weirdest thing she had ever seen in the ER. 

So, a mentally unstable PT shows up, its a middle aged female. This lady is homeless and her CC is itching and 'weird feelings' around her vagina. So, they inspect her and when they do...ROACHES...Come out. Apparently, this woman had been masturbating with an old coke can that had a roach and a bunch of baby roaches in it. The roaches decided that the warm, moist environment was better than the cold smelly coke can and crawled inside her. When they inspected her a few of the baby roaches came out and they had to remove the rest.


----------



## spnjsquad

burnsmh said:


> *WARNING 'GROSS' STORY*
> 
> Second hand and kind of gross.
> 
> My best friend since 3rd grade, his mom is a nurse. He is in the Navy. He is on leave and we're visiting, his mom hears about me wanting to do EMT work at the plants. She reminds us of a story she told us when we were younger, the weirdest thing she had ever seen in the ER.
> 
> So, a mentally unstable PT shows up, its a middle aged female. This lady is homeless and her CC is itching and 'weird feelings' around her vagina. So, they inspect her and when they do...ROACHES...Come out. Apparently, this woman had been masturbating with an old coke can that had a roach and a bunch of baby roaches in it. The roaches decided that the warm, moist environment was better than the cold smelly coke can and crawled inside her. When they inspected her a few of the baby roaches came out and they had to remove the rest.


Oh my lord...


----------



## sirengirl

Recently went L/S to a FD house which does not have an ambulance at it. Arrive to find a familiar FF walking out ahead of the ambulatory pt, so he can inform me that she has arm pain. Had surgery on it 9 weeks ago, fell 2 days ago when she was drunk and naturally stuck her arms out to break her fall, and it's been excruciating ever since. 

"Really?" Says I.

"Oh and the best part," he says, "she supposedly walked to the bus stop, missed the bus, and then walked here and told us to call her an ambulance."

"No vehicle at home?"

"Girlfriend won't take her."

Inspect arm to find normal, healed incision mark, neg DCAPBTLS. Claims 10/10. Proceeds to self-ambulate into ambulance and nap entire 23.6 mile transport to hospital of preference, which bypasses 4 closer hospitals. When dropped off in triage, indignantly asks,

"I have to wait?!"

"Yes ma'am. Sign here."


----------



## vcuemt

sirengirl said:


> Recently went L/S to a FD house which does not have an ambulance at it. Arrive to find a familiar FF walking out ahead of the ambulatory pt, so he can inform me that she has arm pain. Had surgery on it 9 weeks ago, fell 2 days ago when she was drunk and naturally stuck her arms out to break her fall, and it's been excruciating ever since.
> 
> "Really?" Says I.
> 
> "Oh and the best part," he says, "she supposedly walked to the bus stop, missed the bus, and then walked here and told us to call her an ambulance."
> 
> "No vehicle at home?"
> 
> "Girlfriend won't take her."
> 
> Inspect arm to find normal, healed incision mark, neg DCAPBTLS. Claims 10/10. Proceeds to self-ambulate into ambulance and nap entire 23.6 mile transport to hospital of preference, which bypasses 4 closer hospitals. When dropped off in triage, indignantly asks,
> 
> "I have to wait?!"
> 
> "Yes ma'am. Sign here."



"I'm sorry ma'am. With pain that bad, I'm required to take you to the nearest hospital."


----------



## Tunamate

Get a call at 2am for a patient collapse (at 2am we assume this is due to normal sleeping patterns!). Arrive at a house to find lights off and no signs of life. Bang on the door and ask of everything is alright. Confirm with dispatch that we are at the correct address. Wake up a lady in her 20s who states everything is ok and she was sleeping until we woke her up. Call dispatch and get through to the caller only to find out that he had a fight with his GF and she wasn't answering his calls so he called an ambulance to go to her.... Abuse of Ems service????? FML


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey

Dispatched about 0800 to a residence for a seizure, etc etc end up taking a mid 40s female to the hospital to get her Dilantin scrip refilled and a nice warm bed for a few hours. Nothing too strange. 
2200 rolls around and we get dispatched for a man down at the edge of the lake. Homeowner saw a woman laying in the dirt and called. Whaddya know, it's our dear "seizure" from this morning. Apparently, the hospital wouldn't give her the narcs she wanted, so she AMA'd without her seizure meds and decided to walk home, all 30 miles. But she was at least smart enough to take a short cut, directly across the lake. 14 hours later, she made it 2 miles across the lake, soaking wet and hypothermic, with no idea where she was or how she got there. We had a nice little talk about how this time, she was going to call a taxi when the hospital didn't give her ALL THE DILAUDID in the world. Haven't seen her since...


----------



## tred1956

Code three for hole in arm.  Turned out to be a BLACKHEAD

Never know what you will find


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey

tred1956 said:


> Code three for hole in arm.  Turned out to be a BLACKHEAD
> 
> Never know what you will find



Sounds like our "pediatric drowning" the other day. Kid tried to drink out of the dogs water bowl...


----------



## Kevinf

Last week I transported an elderly gentleman from an ECF ~40 miles to the closest available VA med center for a nosebleed. Bypassed a dozen closer hospitals and urgent care facilities to do it. He insisted on being seen at the VA and nowhere else.


----------



## tred1956

My partner always says "You can't fix stupid so we give it a ride"

Doug


----------



## sirengirl

Last shift, dispatched to "OB Problems" in the second worst zone in the county. Get on scene to find the caller gave a completely made-up address but somehow it got us to the correct street, where a 19 y/o female is ambulating towards us, clutching stomach. Get out to be informed she is having a miscarriage. Ask her how far along she is:

"I don't know."
"....when was your last period?"
"(24 days prior)"
".........have you even taken a pregnancy test?"
"No."
"How do you know you're pregnant."
"Cause my period dun start."
"Are you bleeding now?"
"I be spottin."
"Since when?"
"Two days."
".........get in."

She proceeds to try everything to convince me en route to give her pain meds for her abd pain. I politely decline. She demands water and a bathroom. I inform her no less than 5 times that she cannot drink until the MD sees her for potential surgical purposes, and that she cannot use the bathroom until she gives a urine sample because she thinks she is pregnant. Ensue holding a wall in ER for 40+ mins due to the urgency of this well-known pt, and as soon as stretcher is lowered to allow her into her bed, she bolts into patient snack room, downs a cup of water, vomits, and makes a bee-line for bathroom. Nurses have to physically subdue her to her bed and inform her that if she acts up again she will be discharged from the ER.

2 hours later return and ask doc how the "miscarriage" was.

"I gave her Motrin for her menstrual cramps and sent her *** home. She comes in every time she starts her period to try to get morphine."

Some people.


----------



## Meursault

vcuemt said:


> "I'm sorry ma'am. With pain that bad, I'm required to take you to the nearest hospital."



Yeah, that's one of the only times in which I'd actually worry about complying with the MA policy on bypassing closer hospitals.

Unusually, it looks like it was written with this sort of abuse in mind.


----------



## nrfdfreal

Frequent life alerter (who never wants transport) calls for a fall. We roll up with the FD and find her sitting on the steps of her front porch claiming she had fallen. While we were there she requests we look for her lost dog.  We were all over the property calling this dog. Family shows up about 15 mins later and says the dog died 2 years ago -_-


----------



## DFRJunkie

Call came in as a "Sick Person - Charlie level" and my crew and I we're thinking it was gonna be one of those run of the mill jobs of bringing someone to the ER puking and all of that wonderful mess. We had to stage for PD while en route and we were all so confused as to why. We're cleared to enter and get into the house and the pt was a fellow who consumed Syrian Rue and Baby Woodrose Seeds for LSD-like effects and, well, he got effects alright. He stated that he had been having intense hallucinations for over six hours and he called 911 because he felt like he was dying. He wasn't combative or anything, but he was easily agitated due to his confused state and not being able to grasp time or object permanence. He was standing in his bedroom and there's me, my partner, another EMT, and the Chief of police and he was trying to explain what was going on. His speech was extremely fast and he appeared restless. He stumbled over his words alot and was getting really frustrated with himself. We were able to calm him quite a bit and get him to come downstairs for us and into the bus. We load him up and go and the entire 45 minute transport he's looking back and forth between me and my partner with these huge saucers for pupils and kept asking me if I was an angel sent to help him. At first I tried explaining that I was just a person helping him but it really wasn't getting anywhere and he affirmed that I absolutely was this beautiful angel who was his light in the darkness and all of that. It was really amusing to be honest, and it wasn't a hard transport at all. It was just extremely difficult to maintain a professional face when he kept closing his eyes and stopping our conversation with, "Hold on, I must re-create the universe before we're consumed by the black hole." and he would basically just meditate, but he kept looking to make sure I was there. I can't recall all of the things he said, but every bit of it was absolutely hilarious. The grin he gave me and him telling me how happy he was to see me DID kind of make my whole week, even if he was completely tripping. We also managed to stump poison control because they had absolutely no answers for us on how to counteract the inedible seeds he consumed, not even when we finally got to the ER. As we were unloading him on the cot he looked at my partner and I, told us once more that we were beautiful angels and if he weren't strapped down to the cot that he would have wanted to have an "orgy in order to create the galaxy and the earth and all the creatures in it." 
Needless to say, my partner and I have not been able to live this call down and it happened months ago. We've been officially given the title by our Chief as Sister Angels, and apparently this title is going to follow us through our career for years to come. I can't say I mind, flattery is flattery I guess?


----------



## LightItUp98

I've had two recently...

1)Dispatched as "female fall victim...from one stair." we get there and she's screaming in pain, claimed 10/10. Get her into the rig and she's quiet the whole time. Turns out she had an opiate addiction and had done this same scene to many other hospitals just to get painkillers.

2)Dispatched as "sick person"...it was a guy who ate a hot pepper and said that he thought he was going to die because it was too hot. He gasps and groans all the way to the rig, then slowly quiets down as we're halfway to the hospital and says "alright, I feel better now, I wanna go home." We continues the transport after talking him into getting checked out by triage.


----------



## johnrsemt

Severe chest pain;  9/10.  Pt has pancreatitis Hx and drinks like a fish;  everytime he drank his pancreatitis would flare up and act like chest pain.  After 185 calls to 911 in the first 150 days of one year they finally got the medical director and PD together and everytime he called he went to jail


----------



## emt4lifes

picked up a guy who sawed off his own penis. He was completely sober and the real crazy part was that his vitals were normal and he wasn't showing stress of any kind.


----------



## OnceAnEMT

emt4lifes said:


> picked up a guy who sawed off his own penis. He was completely sober and the real crazy part was that his vitals were normal and he wasn't showing stress of any kind.


----------



## Apple Bill

Dropping a pt off at a regional hospital, PD races up to the ambulance bay and hops out, asking if "we can force someone to go to the ER for taking too many pills".  Told him he could EOD her if he wanted.  She's high and very combative.  We get our pt admitted while two cops are dealing with this woman, in and out of ER, trying to talk the nurses into taking her, etc etc.  It's a borderline circus.  Finally as we're about to leave, one of the cops starts begging my partner to take her.  My partner asked where, specifically, he wanted us to take her, since we were already at the ER?  "I don't know I'm just sick of dealing with her crap".  Thanks but no thanks.

Not mine, from a FF/P/RN friend - they had a homeless guy that was a frequent visitor to the ER for infections to his colostomy site.  They would coach him on keeping it clean, but he'd always come back.  Finally one of the nurses coaxed the story from him.  In exchange for money, booze or drugs, he would allow other homeless guys to "use" the hole for their enjoyment.  Possibly the grossest mental image I've gotten out of this industry.


----------



## Apple Bill

TheLocalMedic said:


> I literally heard fire get dispatched for a cat stuck in a tree last year.  Best. Call. Ever.



Several months ago we (fire) were dispatched for a bird stuck in a tree.  At 0200.  Saved that cockatoo's life we did.


----------



## medic8ed

52 Y/O F. 
Called 911 because she took her ciprolex them remember it says on the bottle do not eat food two hours before or after taking medication. She was convinced she was dying. I explained to her that the warning was not to avoid fatality but rather to avoid problems with the drug absorption.  She insisted on going to the ER. 5 hours later bringing in 2 pt from a rollover mvi. She's still there and finally the doctor essentially kicks her out after reluctantly running several un necessary tests.


----------



## sirengirl

Dispatched around 1600 to a respiratory at 406 XYZ street, which is in the middle of HUD Housing and Cracktown.

Arrive on scene with fire behind and paramedic superivor pulling in third. Get out and realize that the house I am in front of is 408, and next one up is 410. Look back and realize I passed the address because I didn't think it would be the address- because it is a tented house.

"S-t, (partner), this is a respiratory to a tented f-king house."

Homeless person waves me down and walks us back to the back duplex, also tented, to find a 30-35 y/o female supine on the ground, one foot still inside the tent of the duplex, RR40+, combative, hypoxic, mild cyanosis, coughing. When asked, she reports that she fell asleep in the house around 1000 and that the company tented the house on her. Info tag on the tent states the chemicals and that it was tented at 1045. Supervisor on phone with poison control. Immediately tell her I know she is lying to my face, that they would not tent a person in a house, all companies do walk-troughs before sealing a tent, and that I know she broke in, and I need to know when she went inside. Homeless bystanders of course know nothing and claim they don't know the patient. She again sticks to her story. PD arrived and identifies her as a well known drug addict/prostitute/homeless. Place her on capno cannula and FFs help us move her to the stretcher and away from the building. Place on monitor, obtain 12-lead, sinus tach, no acute changes, RR 46, spo2 low 90s, capno in the 40-50s, LS wheezing.

Load into truck and have difficulty getting IV due to heavy track marks. Supervisor clears fire and they leave. He states poison control reports that the chemical is a respiratory irritant and be cautious of coughing, airway swelling, dyspnea, stridor, pulmonary edema, and respiratory failure; also reported effects are worse with longer exposure.

Secure 18g and am about to transport, check LS- flash pulmonary edema. Place CPAP and transport emergency for respiratory poisoning, myself driving, partner attending. PD follows behind emergency. Arrive to hospital where pt RR has decreased but she is still combative and trying to remove CPAP mask. Instruct her to leave it on because she will likely die without it, and she stops.  Cop asks her a question as stretcher is removed from ambulance, and gets a coherent answer.  Drop wheels and roll into ER, approx 60 feet from ambulance straight to ER bed. Turn and start DCing off monitor as partner is starting report, and see that pts head is bowed- unresponsive. Look at the cardiac monitor- Asystole. Check carotid- nothing.

"(Partner)! Check a pulse- monitor shows Asystole!"

Confirmed cardiac arrest, ripped off CPAP, moved to bed, worked in the ER for 15 minutes before confirmed.  Hospital claimed we didn't recognize CA and were treating improperly; our EKG, BP, capno waveform, and SPO2 all have positive readings up until a full minute after arriving at the hospital. Partner had mild respiratory irritant from off gassing, in process of venting and deconing truck, my face, neck, and arms burn and itch, with coughing and burning chest. Supervisor, crew, and fire all questioned why hazmat response not called. All responders able to stay at work with no further health issues. Room in ER quarantined for 48 hours.

Lesson of the story: don't break into a tented house, you will die.


----------



## mct601

Called out for possible overdose on sleep aid (I am thinking Ambien while en route)

I arrived to find a 22 y/o F laying on couch in no distress, so I begin to interview the pt. She thinks she has ingested too much sleep aid, because she took higher than the printed dose approx 90 minutes ago. She felt like she needed a higher dose to sleep. Somewhat Understandable. I ask where the bottle is, and they bring me an off-brand OTC sleep aid. Active ingredient? Diphenhydramine of course. Dose was 50mg, she took 100mg. I asked her why she believed she had OD'd, and she states "I feel like I am going to pass out". 

...out of reflex, I burst out with "then why don't you??"


----------



## Fleshywizard911

Aw


IrishMedic said:


> ok this was when i was training in the states....we get this call for "sick female". as we arrive on scene we are approached by a well dressed woman in here 30's, no obvious signs of distress, ambulating, unescorted etc. so i introduce myself and my partner and ask her wats goin on today..her response is "I've an iguana inside me". as my crew and i look at each other and we are all trying to come up with logical reasons for what she just said, i was thinkin inguinal hernia etc....i sorta stop and just ask her "when you say iguana, do mean the lizard??" she says yes, so we  ask her to take a seat in the rig. so as we get her vitals...ALL normal Surprise!!!! and i palpate the abdomen, which showed no signs of a reptile being present!!!!!  we ask her how it got there..." two years previous it had crawled in while she was sleeping....and has been there since"....so i ask her why she called us tonight, was she worried bout her health or the iguana's health etc...she states that its really there...i tell her im not questioning that, that im trying to determine exactly what to do and who im treating, she said she feels underfed cos the iguana takes her food....so i call in the report over the cell phone to the ED. you can imagine how that goes....this is unit.....we have female in 30's c/c iguana in abdomen. pt is AxO 3 and vitals are stable at this time. nkda, nkHx..we are 4 mins out do you require any further....at which point nurse asks "can you state c/c again, at docs request" i state again "pt states she has a lizard living in her stomach"
> 
> so we arrive at the ED and are Wheeling in the pt on the cot and as we get into the ED, Every nurse Doc, Security etc are standing in the station waiting to see us...we get directed to a room and as were passing the station the EMT with us..decides to let the pt know theyll run tests, but last time he checked iguana's dont show up on Xrays.....
> 
> I don't think there was a member of staff left standing and not crying with laughter in the whole dept....


Awesome lol


----------



## BlueJayMedic

Had a good one the other day and it made me think of this form. A patient called for an "itchy bum" when asked the exact area he stated "where the poop comes out". Sometimes I wish we could charge a fee for service to prevent this kind of thing.... Such a waste.


----------



## LenaLena26

1930 Our unit was dispatched to a nursing home for sexual assault of a female.. no other info. My partner and I automatically think that this was staff vs pt and while we were on the way are thinking of all the scenarios that could have happened. We get on scene, PD is there (2 units) so we think.. "****.. things must have gotten pretty intense." Officer escorts us to the room then while in the elevator, we got a run down of what happened.
"A male resident with severe dementia was found naked from the waist down "thrusting" the frame of a female resident's bed who also has dementia"
"Was there any physical contact?"
"We don't know, but the female resident's diaper was still intact according to the nurses so we assume there was no penetration"
"When did this happen?"
"Around 1400" -_-
I go into the room to assess the pt. She's A&O x 0, non verbal and in the fetal position (aka her normal self). No signs of bruising or physical abuse, V/S stable.
We load the pt onto our stretcher and get escorted by the same PO downstairs. I asked "Any particular reason why 2 PD units were needed?" Cop goes "The male pt was running around naked and couldn't be still, he actually managed to run outside before we got on scene".. 
Elevator door opens... and lo and behold... I look left and see a half naked old man walking towards me with 2 PO's right behind him saying "Sir, please.. we need you to put your clothes on".

I haven't and refuse to eat hot dogs since that day.


----------



## Sunburn

Patient walks into exam room (we have those, along with field work) at 3am due to coughing and chest pains. 25y/o M.
"When did the pain and coughing start?"
*straight face* "About a year ago."
"Come again?"
"Yeah, about a year ago. It didn't bother me until now."
*I do a quick lung and stat check. He is perfectly fine*
"Ok, you're fine. Go,see your doctor in the morning. And try to figure out what EMERGENCY means."

After that my tech informed me that his record for "emergency" visit was when he had a patient with leg pain who, when asked how long it hurt, answered "since 1975"!!! That was last year!


----------



## Sunburn

chaz90 said:


> Hmm, I had one guy who called because he couldn't see well out of one eye. Using my outstanding paramedicking skills, I deduced that this was due to the loss of a contact from the eye in question. Best part is we ended up transporting anyway.


Systems must be very different. If I drove someone like that to the hospital my dispatch and medical director would tear me seven new ones for wasting 3 hours of company time for non-emergency patient.


----------



## chaz90

Sunburn said:


> Systems must be very different. If I drove someone like that to the hospital my dispatch and medical director would tear me seven new ones for wasting 3 hours of company time for non-emergency patient.


Eh, this one was a frequent flier and the transport only lasted ~5 minutes anyway. We really didn't have any ability to transport to alternative destinations or refuse transport, so since he wanted to go to the hospital we were stuck taking him. Not a huge deal on that occasion or anything new, but just one in a long line of everyday frustrations.


----------



## Zimmermann4588

I think 3 pretty memorable call of mine were:

1) Two unconscious bare naked females who had thrown up on them selfs from too much drinking, it gets stranger when you find out they were HS Freshmen who had both their parents in the house.

2) A women who had been vomiting blood for two days but waited to call until 0010.

3) My very first call ever! The tones went out for "elderly women with difficulty breathing". We arrive on scene to find a perfectly fine 86yr old lady with of course 10 cats... We then found out that she called because she wanted us to 'empty her chamber pot' because it had 10 days of back log. We then explained to her that thats not what we do. One can say it was 'a ****ty call'


----------



## ccgmedic

2 back to back leg amputations... both done with chain saws, within an hour of one another....same flight crew as well.... just on opposite sides of the county... Chris


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey

A mid 40s tweaker-looking woman who called because her neighbor was putting insects in her vagina. She knew this because her neighbor filmed it while the patient slept and showed her the video in the morning. She managed to catch one of them *******s and showed us a dead fly in a mason jar. She was also quite troubled because when she woke up there was an plastic figurine in her anus, but she didn't want to bring it with because it was covered in icky white stuff and she didn't want to touch it. 
Or a 55 year old who wanted a ride across town but didn't want to be billed for it. So she proposed she provide oral sex in exchange for transport. She wanted us know what a great offer this was seeing as she had no teeth.


----------



## johnrsemt

Thank you very much LACo  I will never get those pictures out of my mind,  pouring bleach on my head now to try and scrub it clean though


----------



## robinhood2015

1)45 y/o "unspecified medical patient" turned out to be a 4 foot branch in the chest,
2) known gangster on meth "cc chest pain, mild sob", normal stats, upon exam found 4 separate abdominal gunshot wounds.
3) autistic child lost, no clothes, called in to 911 on his mom's cellphone and played hide and seek with dispatch in the woods at -10 degrees for 4 hours.


----------



## Mc91emt

taking a pt from the er to the psychiatric hospital across the street via ambulance at 4am


----------



## Mc91emt

getting called to snf for ift to hospital for generalized weakness get to the pt and hes actively seizing while nurses are saying hes just weak


----------



## Ducky

Responding to a GSW call. Found patient sitting on the ground. There was at least 20 wrappers of assorted candy on his lap. Patient appeared on some type of drug. He had one of those huge bags of candy Walmart sells during halloween full of starbusts, mini snickers, and all types of chewy candy. I asked him what had happened and he replied with "I was walking on the grass when I tripped and got cut" I replied with "sir... you got shot." 



Apparently some thugs used the man as target practice from a passing vehicle.
They got him once on the right leg.


----------



## escapedcaliFF

Got dispatched for a possible OD. PD is on scene and fills us in. Find a 19yo M AAOx4 sitting on the couch. Start talking to him and everything seems fine except he's kinda going off on tangents about wanting fast food. Come to find out apparently cops where next door and he freaked thinking he was getting raided so he decided to eat very quickly a 1/2 pound of weed. He then called 911 claiming he believed he was ODing but refused to give any info on what he took so PD and dispatch thought it was something more severe so natraully they call us.


----------



## Amelia

escapedcaliFF said:


> Got dispatched for a possible OD. PD is on scene and fills us in. Find a 19yo M AAOx4 sitting on the couch. Start talking to him and everything seems fine except he's kinda going off on tangents about wanting fast food. Come to find out apparently cops where next door and he freaked thinking he was getting raided so he decided to eat very quickly a 1/2 pound of weed. He then called 911 claiming he believed he was ODing but refused to give any info on what he took so PD and dispatch thought it was something more severe so natraully they call us.



1/2 pound?? That's impressive.


----------



## squirrel15

Mc91emt said:


> taking a pt from the er to the psychiatric hospital across the street via ambulance at 4am


What's strange about that?


----------



## Handsome Robb

escapedcaliFF said:


> Got dispatched for a possible OD. PD is on scene and fills us in. Find a 19yo M AAOx4 sitting on the couch. Start talking to him and everything seems fine except he's kinda going off on tangents about wanting fast food. Come to find out apparently cops where next door and he freaked thinking he was getting raided so he decided to eat very quickly a 1/2 pound of weed. He then called 911 claiming he believed he was ODing but refused to give any info on what he took so PD and dispatch thought it was something more severe so natraully they call us.



I call BS. Not on your story on his story, that's a lot of weed, volume-wise.


----------



## RocketMedic

Joker face.


----------



## RedAirplane

I once asked a patient what medications he takes, and he handed me various Pharmacy pill bottles with marijuana in them.


----------



## johnrsemt

Dispatched to a house for a potential dog bite:  en route while questioning dispatch via MDT they responded "That is what the police said".  Upon arrival found a person holding onto the K-9 keeping his mouth shut with both hands.  Police wanted EMS there  because they knew he would be bit;  person wanted them to come get the dog so he wouldn't get bit.
He got chewed on pretty good


----------



## RedAirplane

johnrsemt said:


> Dispatched to a house for a potential dog bite:  en route while questioning dispatch via MDT they responded "That is what the police said".  Upon arrival found a person holding onto the K-9 keeping his mouth shut with both hands.  Police wanted EMS there  because they knew he would be bit;  person wanted them to come get the dog so he wouldn't get bit.
> He got chewed on pretty good



So the patient had his hands around the K9's mouth?


----------



## johnrsemt

Yes  holding the jaws shut


----------



## RedAirplane

johnrsemt said:


> Yes  holding the jaws shut



Wow.

I love dogs and hate to see anything happen to one, but given the sanctity every human's life, would it be bad to consider sedation of the dog to permit the patient to escape uninjured?


----------



## ViolynEMT

I went to a call (at 0500 after only getting 2 hours of sleep) for a guy that couldn't feel his legs. He was standing outside waving us down when we got there.


----------



## DesertMedic66

RedAirplane said:


> Wow.
> 
> I love dogs and hate to see anything happen to one, but given the sanctity every human's life, would it be bad to consider sedation of the dog to permit the patient to escape uninjured?


How do you plan on sedating the dog?


----------



## Kevinf

Was this a police dog sic'd on someone?


----------



## RedAirplane

DesertMedic66 said:


> How do you plan on sedating the dog?



I was thinking a blow dart like from James Bond, but I realized that perhaps those things aren't quite real.


----------



## johnrsemt

Yes Police K-9;  police were saying "let go of the dog's mouth and take the biting like a man".  After being on scene for a few minutes I suggested bean bagging the guy, cause he would let go.   He finally let go, and was bit and we wrapped it and went back to station.

Another Dog bite,  guy hid under the porch and the K-9 found him.  As he was crawling out:  As in "crawl out or the dog gets to come get you" the moron decided the dog was too close and punched him in the nose to get him to move.   Dog moved,  that guy ended up with surgery he was ripped up so bad.


----------



## MS Medic

Had to respond to a man who said his " water broke."


----------



## Kevinf

MS Medic said:


> Had to respond to a man who said his " water broke."









It's a serious problem when you're thirsty.


----------



## Scmedic08

Well...been catching you know what lately being the butt of a few jokes. So we had a call recently for a woman who had a syncopal episode in her kitchen. AOS to find female sitting cross leg on floor c/a staying she became dizzy and collapsed. No witnesses on scene and denies any head/neck/back pain and believes she did not hit her head on fall. PT wishes to be transported for exam. So assessment completed and all is well and off to the rig. 3 cars pull up and the front lawn and instantly became a family reunion. All the while we're going to the rig, people start dropping. Literally. 3 people dramatically passed out and scene instantly turned to chaos with family freaking out. So in the midst of everything going on I radiod to dispatch the first thing the slipped from my tongue. "Central EMS 2, can you dispatch LE and an additional unit, everyones falling out over here" so of course everyone nearby starts showing up and after all said and done, I'm the butt of majority of jokes. Really wanted to radio into the ER, inbound with a near-sympathetic episode. But the super would probably frown upon that.


----------



## IDrago

*Frequent flyer*
During my last ride along as an emt student we got dispatched to a private residence for a woman who called 911 and hung up on dispatchers. We arrived on scene to find a female approximately 70 y/o sitting up in a wheel chair. We asked why she called 911 and she said she had **** herself. Upon closer inspection of her bed we did indeed confirm that she had **** herself and apparently the entire bed. Pt denied transport to ED so when asked what she wanted is to do she said she wanted help getting up to her walker. So we did and she proceeds to hop on one foot using the walker and makes her way to the bathroom where she makes a failed attempt at changing her pants so she calls for help. At this time the engineer, 2 medics, and the EMT all look at me the EMT student and say "go for it". It was at this point that the naive and eager "save all the lives!" attitude suddenly came to a grinding halt. I proceeded to help her out her pants on at which time she says to me 
Pt: "oh you guys all have some big boots" 
Me: "yes ma'am" (should of seen what was coming next)
Pt: "you know what that means?"
Me: "yes ma'am...big socks. Now let's get these pants on"
Needles to say it was an interesting way to close out my ride alongs.


----------



## 46Young

There exists a frequent flier that likes to eat at different restaurants, and when it comes time to pay, he complains of chest pain, and takes a txp to get out of paying the bill. After the fourth time I had police respond. Making sure to not impact pt care, they took his picture, recorded his demographics, and distributed his info to area restaurants.

This same human once walked into a children's dance studio while they were in session, and complained of chest pain again. We asked him to walk to the cot outside the studio. He said it was too difficult to walk, which prompted me to point out that he had to walk _up_ the stairs to get into the studio in the first place. 
He walked without difficulty.


----------



## thatdorkyemt_

Short sweet to the point.....

Uncontrollable nose bleed post self induced orgasm...


----------



## Jim37F

So instead of going to the most recent unread post, for whatever reason when I clicked the link in the "New Posts" area it took me to page 1 of this thread where after reading a bit I found this from a post way back in 2008:


BossyCow said:


> I remember reading this question as a sample history taking example...
> "So, sir... what about this condition that you have had for 2 months turned it into an emergency at 3:00 this morning"



And it perfectly describes my reaction to a call if had the other week. It was one of those shifts, every call BLS (subtract the "L" to get an apt description of said calls) and sure enough we get a call at 3 am, 60 something yo my pt found sitting upright on bed inside home, a&ox4, GCS 4-5-6 (15) cc diarrhea for 2 weeks. No abdominal pain, no nausea, no vomiting, no blood in urine or stools, no pain anywhere, no other complaints just diarrhea "I get a funny feeling in my stomach and then I have to go to the bathroom". So naturally enroute to the hospital I ask pretty much the exact same question quoted, and the answer was the guy just kind of shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about just wanting to go to the hospital. He felt the exact same way as he had been all day and throughout his 2 weeks of diarrhea, he literally could not (or would not at least) articulate any particular reason why he decided to wait tocall 911 at 3am......

(And of course this wasn't even in my first in district, we were covering another station because both those units were out on calls)


----------



## ERDoc

Jim37F said:


> So instead of going to the most recent unread post, for whatever reason when I clicked the link in the "New Posts" area it took me to page 1 of this thread where after reading a bit I found this from a post way back in 2008:
> 
> 
> And it perfectly describes my reaction to a call if had the other week. It was one of those shifts, every call BLS (subtract the "L" to get an apt description of said calls) and sure enough we get a call at 3 am, 60 something yo my pt found sitting upright on bed inside home, a&ox4, GCS 4-5-6 (15) cc diarrhea for 2 weeks. No abdominal pain, no nausea, no vomiting, no blood in urine or stools, no pain anywhere, no other complaints just diarrhea "I get a funny feeling in my stomach and then I have to go to the bathroom". So naturally enroute to the hospital I ask pretty much the exact same question quoted, and the answer was the guy just kind of shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something about just wanting to go to the hospital. He felt the exact same way as he had been all day and throughout his 2 weeks of diarrhea, he literally could not (or would not at least) articulate any particular reason why he decided to wait tocall 911 at 3am......
> 
> (And of course this wasn't even in my first in district, we were covering another station because both those units were out on calls)



I like to ask something similar when they have a complaint that has been ongoing. "So what did your doctor say about this when you called him?"  They usually just look away and admit that they didn't call.


----------



## StCEMT

Jim37F said:


> he literally could not (or would not at least) articulate any particular reason why he decided to wait tocall 911 at 3am......


This is when I don't mind not working 24's.


----------



## johnrsemt

Resp distress patient,  at 0300.  I asked her when it started and she said 2.  Not bad till she said the previous afternoon.   I asked why she waited so long to call us.  She answered  "I didn't want to bother you when you were busy"   Nice of her to think of us that way


----------



## Striker911

Not our call but local. Patient presented with his unit stuck in a beer bottle. Was drunk.

Two weeks later, same patient, same circumstances.

Some people don't learn.


----------



## johnrsemt

Maybe he was trying to get a different outcome  or his wife was trying to get it amputated


----------



## redundantbassist

"unit"


----------



## Allie Tee

Got a call to the country jail. Showed up and was met by some of the sheriffs downstairs and one of the med staff. Our medic asks whats going on as we head upstairs. "He's spontaneously paraplegic." What? "He can't move and he's not responsive. We know he's not faking because we raised his arm over his head and dropped it and he slapped himself in the face." Okay... We get up to the room to find the patient lying on their bed, naked, blinking extremely fast but otherwise "unresponsive". There was probably three days of uneaten food trays next to him. Medic asks if they have been drinking or eating. "Oh yeah, he's eaten all his meals." Pointed look at the trays and cups untouched by the sink. "Okay.. What's his name?" (we'll call him Trevor) "Trevor, can you hear me? Trevor?" Sternal rub, no response. Medic goes to open his eyes and check pupils and the guy flinches and moves away. "Okay Trevor." Does a full set of vitals, the ambulance shows up, and we get ready to leave. Captain asks "Why didn't you insert an OPA? Gotta make sure that airway is patent" with a wink. I just about died laughing.


----------



## harold1981

We responded to a call where a man arrived at his home in the middle of the night, with both his balls hanging outside of his lacerated scrotum. His wife (deadly cold and not amused at all) states that the man had been out drinking with his friends and when he arrived, she noticed that his pants were bloodstained in his crotch. The guy plays dumb and states that ´he fell on the saddle of his bike´ and he can´t remember anything else. We never figured out what had happened, although we had our hypotheses.


----------



## CALEMT

Couple years back the first Coachella fest. I worked a dude thought it was a good idea to jump a chainlink fence in nothing but boxers and a button-down shirt. He got his nuts caught on the top and eviscerated them on the way down. Of course he was high as a kite, but nonetheless there were things outside that should've been inside. Pretty gnarly looking.


----------



## Jim37F

^both those last 2 made me cringe just reading them lol


----------



## StCEMT

I know women got it rough with childbirth and all, but this is one thing they got the upper hand on....damn that's such a terrifying thought.


----------



## DesertMedic66

I've actually been in a similar situation. I ended up receiving ~21 numbing shots and 7 stitches on my scrotum...


----------



## EpiEMS

Gonna request ALS for pain management on those calls...
Trauma is BLS until it isn't ("Hey, you want an ice pack for that?" doesn't work here), I suppose. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## ViolynEMT

Jim37F said:


> ^both those last 2 made me cringe just reading them lol



Made me cringe and I don't even have those.


----------



## Lo2w

Got sent to a local ED for a BLS discharge back to nursing home. Walk in and PT is sitting up at the edge of bed - "Want me to walk out to the truck and make it easier?

Uhhh

Partner tells RN to wait a sec...walks out to call dispatch who tells us not to take it since PT doesn't need a cot. 

Same day they sent the two EMTs on a 10 day old w/ trauma


----------



## Jdog

Lo2w said:


> Got sent to a local ED for a BLS discharge back to nursing home. Walk in and PT is sitting up at the edge of bed - "Want me to walk out to the truck and make it easier?
> 
> Uhhh
> 
> Partner tells RN to wait a sec...walks out to call dispatch who tells us not to take it since PT doesn't need a cot.
> 
> Same day they sent the two EMTs on a 10 day old w/ trauma



One time showed up to the hospital to transport an elderly female home. So I walk in, start getting report from the RN and realize something's not right. Pt is an elderly female (~70s), completely A&Ox4, can walk and talk, doesn't require a gurney or BLS monitoring. So, I hand her a physician certification statement (PCS) form and tell her the patient has to meet medical necessity for ambulance transport. Her response?

"Oh she doesn't. I'll only fill this out so she doesn't have to pay for the ride."

.... "That's illegal and medicare fraud..."

I call supervisor who says to take the lady home anyway. So we transported her and her six suitcases of luggage home. Fun times.


----------



## soflomedic14

I had a trauma call come in a few weeks ago that stated "heavy bleeding" 
Arrived to find a woman who had a bandaid on her finger because she cut her nail too far and it started minimally bleeding. She was scared if it was not treated she would "bleed to death." 
Mind you, once we arrived the bleeding was already completely stopped


----------



## Lo2w

Partner and I are driving back to our station after a simple ALS transfer. About half way back dispatch calls us for "seizure activity" at a nursing home we service and the SNF doc wants transferred to an outlying hospital. I jokingly tell the medic that, knowing the rep some nursing homes have, it'll be something completely different.

We get on scene, find the room. "LPN" starts giving report..."left side weakness..." 

Medic: is the hemiplegia new for her?

"LPN": yea..in the last hour. O and slurred speech and a bit of facial droop.

Medic and I look at each other.

He heads in the room and starts a stroke assessment. I start calling dispatch/supervisor and let them know call just became hot mess and asking where they want us to divert to for a possible stroke alert. As I'm on hold with dispatch I hear the patient tell the medic that it feels "like the time PT had an aneurysm".

Patient and "LPN" try to insist on original destination. They get a quick lesson on "closest appropriate" as the original hospital doesn't have the same capabilities. Medic tells the "LPN" our supervisor will call shortly to discuss further.

Load PT.  I start placing patches for 4 lead and getting vitals, medic attempts IV. I crawl up front and start hauling *** to the stroke center. 5-8 minutes out from the hospital I see medic start making the "go faster" motion as he asks if we can pick it up. Apparently the facial droop is worsening. "Well I'm going 85..." ... "O...OK..."


So yeah. I've read the SNF horror stories. Finally got to experience one.


----------



## ERDoc

Lo2w said:


> Partner and I are driving back to our station after a simple ALS transfer. About half way back dispatch calls us for "seizure activity" at a nursing home we service and the SNF doc wants transferred to an outlying hospital. I jokingly tell the medic that, knowing the rep some nursing homes have, it'll be something completely different.
> 
> We get on scene, find the room. "LPN" starts giving report..."left side weakness..."
> 
> Medic: is the hemiplegia new for her?
> 
> "LPN": yea..in the last hour. O and slurred speech and a bit of facial droop.
> 
> Medic and I look at each other.
> 
> He heads in the room and starts a stroke assessment. I start calling dispatch/supervisor and let them know call just became hot mess and asking where they want us to divert to for a possible stroke alert. As I'm on hold with dispatch I hear the patient tell the medic that it feels "like the time PT had an aneurysm".
> 
> Patient and "LPN" try to insist on original destination. They get a quick lesson on "closest appropriate" as the original hospital doesn't have the same capabilities. Medic tells the "LPN" our supervisor will call shortly to discuss further.
> 
> Load PT.  I start placing patches for 4 lead and getting vitals, medic attempts IV. I crawl up front and start hauling *** to the stroke center. 5-8 minutes out from the hospital I see medic start making the "go faster" motion as he asks if we can pick it up. Apparently the facial droop is worsening. "Well I'm going 85..." ... "O...OK..."
> 
> 
> So yeah. I've read the SNF horror stories. Finally got to experience one.



I know it isn't the intent of this thread, but there is so much wrong with this.  I'm not sure why this is an SNF horror story and not an unprepared/inexpereinced crew horror story.  It sounds like the LPN gave all of the appropriate info to the crew, whether the dispatcher got the proper info, we will never know.  I'm not sure why, once it was known that this was more likely a stroke, it turned into a hot mess.  It's a stroke pt, they are pretty routine and no cause for panic, even if their symptoms are increasing.  Why is your dispatcher telling you where to take the pt?  Isn't that your job and your decision?  The LPN might not understand the different capabilities of different hospitals, that is normal since it is not their job to know that sort of thing.  As the person making the destination decision, it is your job to educate, not berate.  Why are you hauling *** at 85mph, endangering yourself and everyone on the road, for a stroke in someone who is more than likely not a tPA candidate?


----------



## Lo2w

Poor word choice on my part then. Medic and I handled it well, didn't feel like there was panic. Communicated as we were going to the scene on roles if things were different. 

I still put this back on SNF/LPN. Theres a significant difference between seizure activity and obvious stroke with a past history of an aeunurysm and patient stating that it feels exactly like the last one.


----------



## harold1981

Code 3, together with fire and PD to a canal for ´´a body found in the water, probably beyond resuscitation´´. There is hardly enough space for all the emergency vehicles stopping in the street as we arrive on scene. As we step out the fire captain points us to something floating lifeless under the water that looks like a human head. Fire goes in and pulls out a female store mannequin, complete with hair and clothes attached. We have the strange feeling that we´ve been pranked.


----------



## bakertaylor28

harold1981 said:


> Code 3, together with fire and PD to a canal for ´´a body found in the water, probably beyond resuscitation´´. There is hardly enough space for all the emergency vehicles stopping in the street as we arrive on scene. As we step out the fire captain points us to something floating lifeless under the water that looks like a human head. Fire goes in and pulls out a female store mannequin, complete with hair and clothes attached. We have the strange feeling that we´ve been pranked.



That is priceless.


----------



## Medic27

Dispatch: " Medic 1 please respond to an injury involved pre-existing leg pain, (address) ."

9:30 AM beer in hand, gets up and walks to the ambulance and up to get onto the stretcher. His leg pain has been there for the last 3 weeks and beer is his medicine as we wrote on the report.


----------



## Salty Fox

On my second ride along as an intern, we get tones not five minutes after making it back to the station as my EMT lit a cigarette (authentic EMS experience right there). Dispatch asks us to check for an "unresponsive male, in front of your station."

Sure enough, in the front door archway of our station there was an unresponsive male spooning a bottle of ketchup. Upon walking up to him I was struck by an almost physically tangible wave of malt liquor scent. Upon being roused, he proceeded to stumble off into the darkness in a mostly ambulatory state.

We didn't initiate pursuit.


----------



## Medic27

Salty Fox said:


> On my second ride along as an intern, we get tones not five minutes after making it back to the station as my EMT lit a cigarette (authentic EMS experience right there). Dispatch asks us to check for an "unresponsive male, in front of your station."
> 
> Sure enough, in the front door archway of our station there was an unresponsive male spooning a bottle of ketchup. Upon walking up to him I was struck by an almost physically tangible wave of malt liquor scent. Upon being roused, he proceeded to stumble off into the darkness in a mostly ambulatory state.
> 
> We didn't initiate pursuit.


You didn't contact LE? Just let him walk off drunk..?


----------



## Salty Fox

Medic27 said:


> You didn't contact LE? Just let him walk off drunk..?



Wasn't up to me. I asked why we didn't do more, and apparently this is uh...common in our city. Too many drunks, not enough resources apparently.


----------



## bakertaylor28

Salty Fox said:


> Wasn't up to me. I asked why we didn't do more, and apparently this is uh...common in our city. Too many drunks, not enough resources apparently.



At least this isn't as bad as the trap phone poles I've seen in a certain city in which I once lived. (phone pole in the middle of sidewalk right in front of the window of a gym- naturally while everyone is checking out the body builders while riding by on bicylcles, etc. you end up with alot of meetings between the phone pole and peoples heads.)


----------



## Medic27

This section is absolute cancer...


----------



## needsleep

Got dispatched:
"68 YO M Pt C/C of severe ankle pain. Just released a few hours ago from the ER for a broken ankle."

Im in Fire-based EMS, so Im thinking no big deal, maybe its just a lift assist or maybe he needs help getting into the restroom. When we walk in, he yells "hey! bring me the wallet on the counter when you walk over here!" No one can locate the wallet so he sends us on a easter egg hunt for it throughout his house. I l finally locate it, bring it to him and as I begin an assessment he hurriedly thumbs through it and cuts me off mid sentence. "Whew! I thought I had lost my debit card but it is in here! Thank y'all for coming!" When asked if he really called 911 because he thought he lost his debit card he looked at me dumbfounded and said, "well, yeah. But, while you're here, can you hand me that box of tissues?"


----------



## Specialized

Yesterday my emt partner and I responded to a BLS transfer, a home discharge from med/surg in a local hospital. Dispatch originally said the call needed a wheelchair/gurney van for the pt, "or whatever closest unit". So we show up on scene, get a set of vitals and I take report from the nurse. Nurse hands me paperwork and PCS. PCS states pt needs a wheelchair van for transport. I go in and introduce myself to the PT, upon visual assessment, I find the PT is a left leg amputee below the knee cap. We were informed the PT had 3 flights of stairs he had to go up. So we talk to the nurse and get her to rewrite the PCS and have dispatch upgrade the call to BLS since we will need to utilize a stair chair. Also it was now BLS because pt wouldn't be able to safely sit upright during transport and he was AOx3, his deficits were unable to tell time of day. We were explaining to the nurse why this call needed to be BLS and not a wheelchair van call. Nurse asked us if we could just lift up the gurney into the PT's home with him on it. My partner and I looked at each other. "Negative Ma'am we cannot lift that gurney up by ourselves". I don't want to be rude but come on..


----------



## looker

Specialized said:


> Yesterday my emt partner and I responded to a BLS transfer, a home discharge from med/surg in a local hospital. Dispatch originally said the call needed a wheelchair/gurney van for the pt, "or whatever closest unit". So we show up on scene, get a set of vitals and I take report from the nurse. Nurse hands me paperwork and PCS. PCS states pt needs a wheelchair van for transport. I go in and introduce myself to the PT, upon visual assessment, I find the PT is a left leg amputee below the knee cap. We were informed the PT had 3 flights of stairs he had to go up. So we talk to the nurse and get her to rewrite the PCS and have dispatch upgrade the call to BLS since we will need to utilize a stair chair. Also it was now BLS because pt wouldn't be able to safely sit upright during transport and he was AOx3, his deficits were unable to tell time of day. We were explaining to the nurse why this call needed to be BLS and not a wheelchair van call. Nurse asked us if we could just lift up the gurney into the PT's home with him on it. My partner and I looked at each other. "Negative Ma'am we cannot lift that gurney up by ourselves". I don't want to be rude but come on..


What you don't have super strength? You can't just put gurney on your and your partner shoulder and walk it up the stairs?


----------



## Specialized

looker said:


> What you don't have super strength? You can't just put gurney on your and your partner shoulder and walk it up the stairs?



We lugged the PT's FIVE BAGS he was discharged with. Along with his fake leg, I had to push the gurney with one hand and hold a commode in the other!


----------



## MSDeltaFlt

Did you know your anal sphincter can dilate 10cm?

Got called to hotel for an OB complaining of abdominal pain.  Arrive on scene to hear a woman screaming bloody murder from the second floor.  We walk in and there is the patient on all fours at the foot of the bed screaming in pain obviously in her late third trimester. Bystanders state she hasn't had a bowel movement in a month and has been attempting to have a bowel movement for the past 2hrs with no success.  While my female partner assesses the patient I go to inspect the toilet to make sure that what is in the toilet actually belongs in the toilet.  ... And it looked like a marble collection of turds.

As I came out of the bathroom heading towards my partner behind the patient something caught my attention from the corner of my eye.  I first thought she was crowning.  But noooooooo!  It was 10cm in diameter of concrete ca-ca that was not moving.  No wonder she was in pain.

So we had to lay her left lateral recumbent position on stretcher and literally carry her down two flights of stairs to the hospital and to OB department so they could dig the impaction out.


----------



## MMohler

Motorcycle vs auto. Guy on motorcycle decided to try and beat a yellow in the bike lane. Well Light and auto won this battle, Pt smashed into the front driver side fender and ends up in the middle of the intersection. Obvious tib/fib deformity and left wrist deformity. Splint everything and get the pt loaded en route to trauma guy starts trying to phone wife and work. "Oh man my wife is going to be pissed this is the third time in a year I have broken bones on that bike." Yahhhhhhh don't think wife is going to let you keep that bike any longer.

First time i got to see traction pulled in the ED, wont ever forget the sound of that sigh of relief when they reset the leg


----------



## Lo2w

STNA hits patient's med alert for leaky Foley catheter.


----------



## luke_31

PD request for person in custody only complaint is abrasions on arms from being taken down while drunk and carrying a rifle. It was loaded


----------



## Djackson

We had a pt that claimed he was beaten and stomped to the ground... we show up police are their and this grown *** man is sobbing like a girl holding a bong like its a baby.. He had not one bruise on him... Partner and I totally thought this was a BS call... he was obviously baked out of his mind.. Then as we are having him sign failure to transport papers..His neighbor walks out and said that the crying bong man tried to rob him after knocking on his door and pointing a pistol in his face.. the neighbor grabbed the gun and pushed him to the ground and closed the door... he handed the police the gun and the crying bong man got arrested..  We held our composure until we got back in the rig... and we laughed for 5 minutes


----------



## Cdawg06

Lots of ridiculous calls in my short time as an EMT in NYC. My favorite was getting a call for a cardiac arrest, get there and someone meets us at the door, we ask where the PT is and he says he just ran down the street


----------



## Lo2w

Got to see my partner try to give the patient's crack pipe back as the PT popped off the cot and bolted for the ED exit.


----------



## Greyer

medic17 said:


> *A shoping trip you wouldn't expect*
> 
> The other day i was at a small grocery shop when i over hear this: "my finger hurts can you give me a elastic bandage". I turn my head and see a 20s male talking to the shop owner a former EMT (Quit about 6 years ago. Not certified anymore. Told me some time ago that he has not kept up with developments.) The owner turned and saw me. He told the pt that i am a medic and he should speak to me. So far a normal off duty thing (in my country there is a duty to act even wen off duty and not in uniform). The pt c/o post MVA rt index and forearm pain x2 days and get this he has already bean checked by a orthopedic doctor and all x-rays clean. I checked for brusing which can sometimes com 24-48 hrs later and found non. since so far i am not working with any organization and i am not a full EMT but a EMR-a i could not take him to a hospital and did not think he needed one anyway. told him an elastic bandage would hurt and he should take a otc pain killer for the next 3 days if the pain was bothering him to function.
> 
> P.S.
> I am fairly new at this so if anyone has tips/suggestions on this or other ambulatory Injuries please PM me.


Not so new anymore


----------



## BobBarker

Transporting a person to the hospital because they witnessed a car accident. Meanwhile, the people actually involved in the accident were not injured at all and didn't even need police assistance. Minor damage.


----------



## Chris EMT J

Patient discharged on oxycodone for post op Pain and we were called to take patient to hospital for AMS.


----------



## Jim37F

BobBarker said:


> Transporting a person to the hospital because they witnessed a car accident. Meanwhile, the people actually involved in the accident were not injured at all and didn't even need police assistance. Minor damage.


What on earth was their chief complaint???


----------



## Chris EMT J

Jim37F said:


> What on earth was their chief complaint???


There cc was it looked painful 😂


----------



## BobBarker

Jim37F said:


> What on earth was their chief complaint???


Anxiety/Panic attack. So dumb the nurses even laughed as we told em.


----------



## johnrsemt

I have had a few where I can't keep from laughing as I call a report in;  and I have told the charge nurse twice that I am bringing in a waiting room patient


----------



## johnrsemt

Not mine but one of the BLS crews I was working with one day:

They got a run to transport from Hospital A to Hospital B lockdown unit:  23 y/o, male, transvestite, Vampire who was 19 months pregnant.  Every crew that heard that made it to 1 of the hospitals to "help the crew"  check the patient out.  
My partner commented he "didn't look pregnant", my answer was:  "what is the gestational period for Transvestite vampires".  She didn't know, and the ED charge nurse wouldn't look it up for us.


----------



## HardKnocks

johnrsemt said:


> Not mine but one of the BLS crews I was working with one day:
> 
> They got a run to transport from Hospital A to Hospital B lockdown unit:  23 y/o, male, transvestite, Vampire who was 19 months pregnant.  Every crew that heard that made it to 1 of the hospitals to "help the crew"  check the patient out.
> My partner commented he "didn't look pregnant", my answer was:  "what is the gestational period for Transvestite vampires".  She didn't know, and the ED charge nurse wouldn't look it up for us.


I wonder what the Supervisor's response would of been if I replied with a "Response Declination" for Crew/Scene Safety as;

A) We have insufficent BSI to protect against Vampires such as;

1) Silver Cross;
2) Wooden Stakes;
3) Ability to Burn Vampire with Direct Sunlight, (assuming it was a response after Dark;
4) Fresh Garlic;
5) Holy Water and;
6) Decapitation is outside our Scope of Practice.

6 Ways to Stop a Vampire


----------



## Tigger

Jim37F said:


> What on earth was their chief complaint???


Last year I transported someone who witnessed a a pretty wild rollover (with only minor injuries)…she had a status asthma exacerbation and we ended up going back emergent and giving a dose of epi plus the usual treatments. 

It was uh…a surprise to say the least.


----------



## johnrsemt

We had a suicide on the freeway in my last area (FD);  guy drove 200 miles till he ran out of gas, pulled over; popped the hood.  Watched and timed it right and walked in the front of a Semi.
He was hit by 2 Semi's and 5 cars.  He didn't survive.  We ended transporting a total of 7 people out of that run.
2 CVA's (same vehicle), 3 MI's (driver of 1st Semi, driver of a car, and passenger in the car that the body ended up on her lap {She died too}), 2 Major Panic Attacks.  

Effective way to kill yourself, but do it at home


----------



## Chris EMT J

johnrsemt said:


> Effective way to kill yourself, but do it at home


Don't do it at all. Always know there is help and anyone know Matter how hard can get into a better position. I have lost friends to suicide and want everyone to know help can be found.


----------



## IsraelEMS

I had a guy who "might have broken his pinky". 
I also had a call the other night came is as 92 year old female in respiratory distress. Turns out she just didnt want to go to bed (it was 1130pm) and called an ambulance so her caretaker would have to let her stay up later.


----------



## IsraelEMS

Oh, we also got called once for foot fungus. We gave the guy directions to the local clinic and left.


----------

