# Things NOT to say at work



## Celtictigeress (Aug 27, 2006)

So its a  turning point in my life..I wanted to share with you things that arent permitted

1)after entering a hospital and while leaving I am NOT to look at th obnoxious scurity Guard while humming the "Batman theme" and adding "rent a cop"such as dun nu nuna dun nu nuna "Rentacop" and repeat....

2)I am not allowed then after being told to apologize to said obnoxious rentacop to say "Hey man let bygones be bygons...wanna go grab a doughnut??"

3)when a regular pt who is a :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: and calls because she has a headache and is a regular gets pissed because shes 300pounds and I drop her then she YELLS at me..and asks what Im going to do to make it up to her..I cant say "Drop you harder next time"

4)No longer am I to call the CNA trying to tell me how to do MY job when I diagnose a brokn arm on a pt that has been sitting there for 2hours a "certified *** wiper"(maria you know what I refer too)

5) the ambulance is NOT a glorified taxi service......

6)I cant adopt every pt...

7)It is unprofessional to be eating burritos and headbanging while in the ambulance (we were off call)

8)when told to wash the ambulance... that does not mean take it to the carwash and let others detail it....

9)Im not allowed to tie up the rookie while offcall and torture him by making him watch barney videos...

10)Just because someone does "extra duties" for the boss and gets xtra money dosnt mean theey ar sleeping with them... er go..no statements of "one day we are going to walk in and see the heels of her feet sticking from underneath his desk"

11)statetroopers are not glorified traffic jockeys

12)cops are not doughnut connesuiers er go they do not always know the nearest doughnut store

13)security Guards are not rentacops.. they provide valuable services

14)"It is so easy a cop can do it" is unacceptable...

In all good humor most of these are said to cops..joking they give us hell the only time its been serious is with the security gaurd that thought he was God...hes been fired since ha ha..apparantly hes not allowed to give emts grief either


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## gradygirl (Aug 27, 2006)

Celtictigeress said:


> 9)Im not allowed to tie up the rookie while offcall and torture him by making him watch barney videos...



Holy crap, can you say cruel and unusual punishment?????????


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## fm_emt (Aug 27, 2006)

"8)when told to wash the ambulance... that does not mean take it to the carwash and let others detail it...."

Heh. I like that one. :-D


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## divinewind_007 (Aug 27, 2006)

there was  a private convalescent service around nashville where a crew took their truck to a topless car wash that one of the local strip clubs has.. they gave them a EMS discount!!


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## Celtictigeress (Aug 27, 2006)

eh Im not allowed to have thm do it, heck for 3bucks they wash the outside and clean the inside...Boss was all happy used my work as example until someone snitchd on me and my partner

No more Barney *pout* I HAVE however switched to teletubies *wicked grin*

I need to update the list....

adding to it will be the following...

"you are not permitted to offer the other emts and firefighters dollars for lapdances"

"not permitted to send the rookie for "ID ten t forms" (Put it together)

"No telling the rookies they are to "Gather air samples" apparantly its hard to xplain to local law enforcement why there are others outside our station waving paperbags...

Not allowed to send rookies for "a bucket of steam"

when holding a open soda..and your partner whose giving you grief says "Let me have it"...you see where this is going... Im not allowed to pour it on them.

saran wrapping the toilet under the seat is a no no....

gluing quarters to floors in public and laughing at the peopl who try to pick them up is a no no

when someone says "I dare you" its best to walk away..

Im not permitted to remove the screws from chairs and watch people fall.. no matter how funny it is

not allowed to get the keys of the rookie drive off with their car and hide it just to listen to them panic...

when the rookie is napping we arent allowed to move the couch outside and leave them...

blue is NOT a natural hair color and is against the rules (No matter how well it matches the uniform)

same goes for pink purple ect

Im sure in time more will come


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## MedicPrincess (Aug 27, 2006)

Celtictigeress said:


> So its a turning point in my life..I wanted to share with you things that arent permitted
> 
> 5) the ambulance is NOT a glorified taxi service......
> 
> ...


 
#5.  Yea, and when walking that jackass to triage who called you for mosquito bites, make sure there isn't anybody in the waiting room when he asks why he has to wait out there he is really in pain and you reply that the ER is for sick and injured people not guys like him looking for a free meal while turning to the triage nurse to give your report of bit by a mosquito, whining it hurts, called a taxi - us.

#7.  Whats wrong with that?  I've been stuffing my face with said burrito, while jamming out to something off my partner IPOD, barely turning down the radio to answer dispatch as we were responding to an MVA.  In my district, you eat when you can...even if your doing it while driving someone to the hospital.

#9.  Heh.  Apparently, while learning to do IV's your not allowed to convince the new guy, with freaking garden hoses for veins, that as part of training everyone gets stuck 1 ea. times with each size of IV needle.  This is in order for them to be able to better sympathize with the patients that have to have the IV.  You paramedic might find it hilarious.  But if its your :censored::censored::censored::censored: commander that catches you....well you might have some splainin to do lucy.
   (on a side note to this, I have already been told not to EVEN THINK ABOUT pulling this stunt while in my PM clinicals and am short on intubations    )


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## fm_emt (Aug 27, 2006)

Celtictigeress said:


> "not permitted to send the rookie for "ID ten t forms" (Put it together)
> 
> "No telling the rookies they are to "Gather air samples" apparantly its hard to xplain to local law enforcement why there are others outside our station waving paperbags...
> 
> Not allowed to send rookies for "a bucket of steam"



I worked at the airport in Seattle for a few years, many moons ago. We'd do stuff like tell newbies to go get a roll of flight line or a bucket of prop/jet wash. It was entertaining.

Until one day we started sending the newbies over to Northwest Airlines, and they actually started returning with stuff. They rarely returned with the same items, and one guy actually got into a heated debate with one of the Northwest mechanics when the mechanic had handed him a roll of random cable that he called 'flight line.' Seems that it was a different colour than the cable that the newbie got the first time. Heh. 

Good times. This was back when we could score all kinds of free goodies and goof off a lot, waaaay pre-9/11.


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## emtwannabe (Aug 27, 2006)

Back in my construction days, I was told to fetch a left handed aluminum monkey wrench..........

I am still looking for the durn thing.......


Jeff


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## gradygirl (Aug 27, 2006)

Sounds like the same situation when my former teacher was told to find the wood stretcher. He went outside and took a nap instead.


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## fm_emt (Aug 28, 2006)

ONe real green newbie came back with a bucket that was nice and blue.. definitely NOT prop wash. More like "lavatory fluid"

heh


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## Anomalous (Aug 29, 2006)

I told one of the other railroad crews we had a leaking tank of sailboat fuel that was venting to the atmosphere so they had better clear the area.


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## Jon (Aug 29, 2006)

Celtictigeress said:


> 13)security Guards are not rentacops.. they provide valuable services


 
Darn Tootin'


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## Celtictigeress (Aug 29, 2006)

Heh I have fun...so what if Im crude? my patients are comfortable with me thats all that matters...and all the guys at work like me sooooooooooooo


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## Jon (Aug 29, 2006)

Anomalous said:


> I told one of the other railroad crews we had a leaking tank of sailboat fuel that was venting to the atmosphere so they had better clear the area.


 


fm_emt said:


> ONe real green newbie came back with a bucket that was nice and blue.. definitely NOT prop wash. More like "lavatory fluid"
> 
> heh


 


emtwannabe said:


> Back in my construction days, I was told to fetch a left handed aluminum monkey wrench..........
> 
> I am still looking for the durn thing.......
> 
> ...


 


fm_emt said:


> I worked at the airport in Seattle for a few years, many moons ago. We'd do stuff like tell newbies to go get a roll of flight line or a bucket of prop/jet wash. It was entertaining.
> 
> Until one day we started sending the newbies over to Northwest Airlines, and they actually started returning with stuff. They rarely returned with the same items, and one guy actually got into a heated debate with one of the Northwest mechanics when the mechanic had handed him a roll of random cable that he called 'flight line.' Seems that it was a different colour than the cable that the newbie got the first time. Heh.
> 
> Good times. This was back when we could score all kinds of free goodies and goof off a lot, waaaay pre-9/11.


 
Nice... Real nice.

I remember, back in Boy Scouts, sending the new kids to Headquaters for:
"_25 feet of falopian tubing_" Because we needed to run a water line to the fire pit

"_A bucket of elbow grease_" Because the latrines were REALLY dirty

"_A Left-Handed Smoke Shifter_" to protect the leaders during the campfire


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## JimH (Oct 22, 2006)

*Don't do this at work*

The last company I worked for issued pagers.
On the elevator taking a patient to the floor, once several doctors got on the elevator, talking quite loudly.
Keeping a straight face, looking straight ahead, I reached into my pocket and flipped the switch on my pager so it starts beeping.
All conversation stops while all 3 look at their pagers.
10 seconds later, I did it again with the same result- and again. The sound carries and they had no idea where it was coming from since I had no pager on my belt.
3 doctors got off with a higher aggravation level, and it was a nice day!


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