# Any chance you could be pregnant?



## abckidsmom (Jan 13, 2011)

"Any chance you could be pregnant?"

"No"

"Are you sexually active?"

"Yes."

"Do you use protection?"

"No."

"Then how is there no chance you could be pregnant?"

"I don't want to be!"



This is a thought process that comes with a birth certificate, just sayin.


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## Adz (Jan 13, 2011)

I get that one all the time. 

Once asked a 16 yo if she had intercourse lately and was told no, only for my partner to ask if she'd had sex and be told yes...

Stay in school kids.


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## JJR512 (Jan 13, 2011)

abckidsmom said:


> "Any chance you could be pregnant?"
> 
> "No"
> 
> ...



Wait...Are you saying that wanting something to not happen isn't enough to keep it from happening? Uh-oh...h34r:


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## abckidsmom (Jan 13, 2011)

JJR512 said:


> Wait...Are you saying that wanting something to not happen isn't enough to keep it from happening? Uh-oh...h34r:




Right?  Ask my 16 yo nephew who really, really hoped someone would take care of his court-ordered community service paperwork befor ethe deadline tomorrow.  Not me, bud.  Call someone who enables.


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## Akulahawk (Jan 13, 2011)

In my case.. Not a chance. I lack the appropriate parts... or copious amounts of Expectane...


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## JJR512 (Jan 13, 2011)

I've been told by my instructor that anytime it might make a difference, or be important to know, if a female patient is pregnant, we're supposed to ask her, if she appears to be within "child-bearing age". And just what does that mean? My instructor said: "Ages EIGHT to EIGHTY".


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## Veneficus (Jan 14, 2011)

All females between 8 and 65 are pregnant until proven otherwise. 

Negative HCG will suffice.

Hysterectomy scar or history will suffice.

History of nonformation of the upper vagina and uterus or other mullerian duct structures will suffice.

I don't even ask if they are pregnant or could be, no need to.


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## MrBrown (Jan 14, 2011)

Every patient  Brown attends is a candidate for immeadiate rapid sequence intubation until proven otherwise too! 

And Dana since when did you talk to Mrs Brown?


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 14, 2011)

This sort of frank stupidity is one reason why I argue that a volunteer group of medical professionals who offer free sterilization services would be doing far more good than most other types of charity work.


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## Sassafras (Jan 14, 2011)

Sometimes it's just stupid to ask. 8 months pregnant is safe to assume. Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer. So when taken to the ER for breathing problems almost 9 months pregnant with a 9 pound baby and excess fluid the techs asked me "mamm is there any possibility you could be pregnant" I grabbed my belly and said "no that's just my tumor. It's why I am in the ER tonight".


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 14, 2011)

Sassafras said:


> Sometimes it's just stupid to ask. 8 months pregnant is safe to assume. Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer. So when taken to the ER for breathing problems almost 9 months pregnant with a 9 pound baby and excess fluid the techs asked me "mamm is there any possibility you could be pregnant" I grabbed my belly and said "no that's just my tumor. It's why I am in the ER tonight".


If you want to get technical, up to a point, a fetus is more or less a tumor under most definitions.  LOL  This is why I don't have a problem with anything but late term abortions.


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## Sassafras (Jan 14, 2011)

usafmedic45 said:


> If you want to get technical, up to a point, a fetus is more or less a tumor under most definitions.  LOL  This is why I don't have a problem with anything but late term abortions.



I'm thinking that by your definitions, I no longer had a tumor. LOL


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## JJR512 (Jan 14, 2011)

usafmedic45 said:


> If you want to get technical, up to a point, a fetus is more or less a tumor under most definitions.  LOL  This is why I don't have a problem with anything but late term abortions.



And a woman's body does indeed treat a fetus as an undesired foreign object.

Most genetic codes are matched between the male and female, but some have been found in both sexes with no match in the other. The male's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop large and fast, and to pull and horde as many resources as possible from the mother. The male's unique codes favor brawn as a means of survival. This is harmful to the woman, however. The woman's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop small and slow, trying to keep resources to her own body; as compensation, extra development of the brain instructed. The woman's unique codes favor intelligence as a means of survival.

There really is some truth in the stereotypes of the big brainless jock and the small wimpy nerd. These are cases where the man's (in the former case) or the woman's (in the latter case) special instructions had a clear victory over the other. Of course, there are exceptions; this is no absolute rule.


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## Sassafras (Jan 15, 2011)

JJR512 said:


> And a woman's body does indeed treat a fetus as an undesired foreign object.
> 
> Most genetic codes are matched between the male and female, but some have been found in both sexes with no match in the other. The male's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop large and fast, and to pull and horde as many resources as possible from the mother. The male's unique codes favor brawn as a means of survival. This is harmful to the woman, however. The woman's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop small and slow, trying to keep resources to her own body; as compensation, extra development of the brain instructed. The woman's unique codes favor intelligence as a means of survival.
> 
> There really is some truth in the stereotypes of the big brainless jock and the small wimpy nerd. These are cases where the man's (in the former case) or the woman's (in the latter case) special instructions had a clear victory over the other. Of course, there are exceptions; this is no absolute rule.


So if my boys end up smart and lanky, I'm the stronger mate in my relationship?  SUHWEEET!


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## MrBrown (Jan 15, 2011)

Sassafras said:


> So if my boys end up smart and lanky, I'm the stronger mate in my relationship?  SUHWEEET!



Lets just be deleting this thread before Mrs Brown gets any ideas .....


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## lightsandsirens5 (Jan 15, 2011)

MrBrown said:


> Lets just be deleting this thread before Mrs Brown gets any ideas .....



Don't worry Brown, just tell her that if they end up frail and nerdy it's her fault. If they are superstar rugby players, then it is because of you.


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## LucidResq (Jan 15, 2011)

I'm still waiting for someone to make the Depo Dart. 

Some of the questions from and conversations I had with sexually active ladies of all ages and their partners while working in OB-GYN continue to terrify me. :\


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## rescue99 (Jan 15, 2011)

abckidsmom said:


> "Any chance you could be pregnant?"
> 
> "No"
> 
> ...



Hey, I've had these questions convert an SVT! Although the "Then how" was phrased as; So...then there IS a chnace you could be pregnant?" The young  lady was apparently shocked to hear she could be preganant if she didn't bother with BC.:wacko: Her heart rate went brady for a few seconds, then popped right back up to a normal rate. Problem solved...for now.


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 15, 2011)

MrBrown said:


> Lets just be deleting this thread before Mrs Brown gets any ideas .....


Dear God man, why would you let the Missus, read this forum?


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## katgrl2003 (Jan 15, 2011)

usafmedic45 said:


> Dear God man, why would you let the Missus, read this forum?



Maybe the missus is an EMT? Jeez, one Brown is scary enough, two is terrifying.


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## ffemt8978 (Jan 15, 2011)

katgrl2003 said:


> Maybe the missus is an EMT? Jeez, one Brown is scary enough, two is terrifying.



I'm betting that Mrs. Brown is his OMC (Offline Marriage Control)


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 15, 2011)

ffemt8978 said:


> I'm betting that Mrs. Brown is his OMC (Offline Marriage Control)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo


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## MrBrown (Jan 15, 2011)

Mrs Brown may or may not be an RSI qualified Intensive Care Paramedic 

Brown has to be careful, suxamethonium is tasteless and vecuronium comes as an ambigious looking dry powder ....


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## abckidsmom (Jan 15, 2011)

MrBrown said:


> Mrs Brown may or may not be an RSI qualified Intensive Care Paramedic
> 
> Brown has to be careful, suxamethonium is tasteless and vecuronium comes as an ambigious looking dry powder ....




I had a partner whose wife guaranteed his faithfulness with the promise that if she busted him cheating, he'd wake up paralyzed, with her over him holding the ambu bag, asking if he really wanted it.

He's still living, and she's still practicing medicine.  I guess it worked!


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 16, 2011)

abckidsmom said:


> I had a partner whose wife guaranteed his faithfulness with the promise that if she busted him cheating, he'd wake up paralyzed, with her over him holding the ambu bag, asking if he really wanted it.
> 
> He's still living, and she's still practicing medicine.  I guess it worked!


"Is it better to be feared or loved?  I'd rather be feared....it lasts longer."


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## nemedic (Jan 26, 2011)

usafmedic45 said:


> "Is it better to be feared or loved?  I'd rather be feared....it lasts longer."



Was that a small Machiavelli reference I detected?


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 26, 2011)

> suxamethonium is tasteless



Most paralytics are neutralized by stomach acids.  I know this is definitely the case for the curare derivatives, but not 100% certain for succinylcholine.



> Was that a small Machiavelli reference I detected?



Yup.  I scared the crap out of my teacher by doing a report on _The Prince_ in 4th grade.


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## Scout (Feb 13, 2011)

Adz said:


> Once asked a 16 yo if she had intercourse lately and was told no, only for my partner to ask if she'd had sex and be told yes...




Failing on your part to be honest. Dumb it down to the most common denominator. 

Its no different to be saying I think you may be suffering from a Myocardial infarction vs just simply saying you might be suffering a heart attack.

KISS


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## bigbaldguy (Feb 14, 2011)

JJR512 said:


> The male's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop large and fast. The woman's unique codes instruct the fetus to develop small and slow, trying to keep resources to her own body; as compensation, extra development of the brain instructed. The woman's unique codes favor intelligence as a means of survival.



Ahhh so I can blame my dad for being 6'4" 260 pounds and dumb as a rock. Good to know


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## certguy (Feb 21, 2011)

We had a call for a 14y/o with abd pain in a house with 3 generations of hispanic family&catholic memorabilia everywhere.The only english speakers there were the pt&het 9y/o brother.When my partner asked if she was pregnant,she paled&denied the possibility.Her brother got an evil looking grin on his face&translated.The womem all screamed&grandma grabbed her chest,went down&smacked her head on an end table.Oh great,2 pts now.Turned out the teen had a tubal pregnancy.


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## TransportJockey (Feb 21, 2011)

Not to sound judgemental, but if it's a catholic family and the female is complaining of abd pain, even if they deny they could be pregnant I assume they are until the hospital proves otherwise. Just like any elderly female hispanics out here we consider to be diabetic until proven otherwise


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## Emma (Feb 21, 2011)

Speaking as the patient....women being asked that question are not all idiots. 

 I really cannot get pregnant. It's been confirmed by 3 different specialists. I hate going to the ER because no medical type person I encounter there ever believes this, even if they're looking at my info that states I cannot be pregnant. I get asked over and over and when I repeat that I can't get pregnant, I get sarcastic answers.  Sometimes even snide little questions about my sexual history.  Since, you know, everyone knows that young women lie about this stuff and are too dumb to know if they're pregnant.

It's pretty satisfying to see the expression on their faces when they realize i'm not lying and they've just been fairly rude and pushy about it.


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## TransportJockey (Feb 21, 2011)

If people around here would consider a hysterectomy or tubal as part of their medical or surgical history, I might listen to them. But so far no one I've asked those questions to here has told us that in the H&P.


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