# Dumbest Questions People Ask You



## sirengirl

Pretty self explanatory. 

Was just sitting at a red light and a lady pulled up and signaled for me to roll down my window. Did so and she asked-
"Where do I get (muffler muffled engine sounds)?"
"What? I can't hear you!"
"Where (muffle garble hand gesture at her car."
I look at my partner, and he says,
"I think she said keys."
Me, "Did you ask about keys?"
"Yes! Car keys! Where do I get them made?!"
.........  "Um.... I don't know. Home Depot? The hardware store?" (I point at the Lowes across the street.)

She proceeds to throw her hands up, start cussing, and drive off. Yeah, lady, cause my giant ambulance says "Yellow Pages," not "911 Paramedics"....

Any other gems? I've got tons believe me.


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## NomadicMedic

A woman walked up to me, while I was waiting for my partner outside of a grocery store and said, "smoothie."

No question. Flat affect. 

I just looked at her. She looked back. 

"Smoothie", she said again. No question in her voice. Just a statement. 

I assumed she wanted to know where to get one, so I just kind of growled "smoothie king" at her and gestured across the parking lot. 

She said "uh" and walked over toward the smoothie king. 

Weird. 

I still shake my head.


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## RedAirplane

Friend: Does she have a blood pressure?
Patient: Do I have a blood pressure!?!?!? (Clenches fist and panics)


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## CALEMT

Gassing up a rig in the not so nice part of town and this "shady" crack you know what walks up to me. 

Woman: I shoved a object up by butt about a week ago and can't get it out. Can you get it for me?

Me: Uhhh no mam'n I can't get it for you, what was the size of the object in question and why did you shove up your but? 

Woman: I don't remember but it was rather large. Do you know someone who can get it for me.

Me: Yeah if you take this A street to B street the hospital is just up the road. We can take you, or you can take a bus/ cab. 

Woman: Nah I'll walk. (For the record it was winter so it was in the 60's) 

Me: Ok, I hope they find what you're looking for. Best of luck to ya. 

For a person who shoved a "rather large object" up her butt she looked like she could walk just fine. Oh and mid conversation she started to flirt with me. That was the last time I filled up in that city.


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## RedAirplane

Enroute (by foot) to a Code 3 (priority) call that came in as head trauma, PD on scene.

We're pushing our way through the crowd, when one woman actively obstructs our path and asks: "where is the movie theater?"

I said "no" and walked around her.


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## sirengirl

Dispatched at 0653 (crew change at 7am, oncoming medic was going to be late coming from another station) for a "22 y/o WM arm lac, heavy bleeding" Show up on scene to said person, wearing gym shorts, boxers prominent, slip-on sandals, and wife beater tank-off his skinny little pale self and pressed to an obviously bloody 2" wound which will require stitches. He is sitting next to his obviously functioning car which he drove to this particular gas station before deciding to call 911. First question out of his (ETOH smelling) mouth-

"Can I be excused from court in an hour for this?"

.....


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## CBMEDIC1

CALEMT said:


> Gassing up a rig in the not so nice part of town and this "shady" crack you know what walks up to me.
> 
> Woman: I shoved a object up by butt about a week ago and can't get it out. Can you get it for me?
> 
> Me: Uhhh no mam'n I can't get it for you, what was the size of the object in question and why did you shove up your but?
> 
> Woman: I don't remember but it was rather large. Do you know someone who can get it for me.
> 
> Me: Yeah if you take this A street to B street the hospital is just up the road. We can take you, or you can take a bus/ cab.
> 
> Woman: Nah I'll walk. (For the record it was winter so it was in the 60's)
> 
> Me: Ok, I hope they find what you're looking for. Best of luck to ya.
> 
> For a person who shoved a "rather large object" up her butt she looked like she could walk just fine. Oh and mid conversation she started to flirt with me. That was the last time I filled up in that city.



I live in Minnesota where "Winter" means like 10 degrees outside on a warm day....made me chuckle when you said that it was in the 60's and it was winter


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## huckleberry18

Okay so i was in the Ambulance with a Paramedic and his partner was in a store. We were sitting there talk when a boy walked up to the ambance and knocked on the back. Well the Paramedic opened the door and the boy asked what is 911 is it like 9/11 me and the paramedic looked at each other and told him its an emergancy number. Then the boy asked "where can i get a box of dounuts" we were at a store with donuts and we pointed then the partner to the paramedic showed up.


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## ViolynEMT

CALEMT said:


> Gassing up a rig in the not so nice part of town and this "shady" crack you know what walks up to me.
> 
> Woman: I shoved a object up by butt about a week ago and can't get it out. Can you get it for me?
> 
> Me: Uhhh no mam'n I can't get it for you, what was the size of the object in question and why did you shove up your but?
> 
> Woman: I don't remember but it was rather large. Do you know someone who can get it for me.
> 
> Me: Yeah if you take this A street to B street the hospital is just up the road. We can take you, or you can take a bus/ cab.
> 
> Woman: Nah I'll walk. (For the record it was winter so it was in the 60's)
> 
> Me: Ok, I hope they find what you're looking for. Best of luck to ya.
> 
> For a person who shoved a "rather large object" up her butt she looked like she could walk just fine. Oh and mid conversation she started to flirt with me. That was the last time I filled up in that city.



Eeeeewwww.


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## ViolynEMT

I had a woman ask what her sats were. We told her 97%. She said "omg, I'm going to die. At home with my new O2 set-up, they're usually at 270."


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## CentralCalEMT

We had a patient with active chest pain and shortness of breath ask us if we could take him to his primary care MD office first and wait to see what he said and then take him to the hospital if his primary care MD wanted him to go. We couldn't get it through his head that ambulances are for emergencies and take you to the emergency room.


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## johnrsemt

Some ambulances do take people to the doctors office, but not if they call 911;  so the patient may be rightfully confused


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## read2go

Patient: "Can we stop on the way for hot chocolate?"


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## read2go

Just remembered another one. Very elderly, very sweet, confused, dementia patient saw her caregiver scratching her rear end, so she asked her "Are you constipated too?"


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## SunshineCamo

Older meth head lady. "Have you ever had sex in the back of your ambulance?"

Me "Why are you offering?"

Meth head, "Honey I got standards"


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## Tigger

So out wasting my money at Starbucks huh?

Err I work for a private company that pays to operate in this city and we don't have stations so this intersection is our assigned post.... so nooooo?


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## DesertMedic66

Tigger said:


> So out wasting my money at Starbucks huh?
> 
> Err I work for a private company that pays to operate in this city and we don't have stations so this intersection is our assigned post.... so nooooo?


I love when people say that.


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## CALEMT

Tigger said:


> So out wasting my money at Starbucks huh?
> 
> Err I work for a private company that pays to operate in this city and we don't have stations so this intersection is our assigned post.... so nooooo?



More for the non private services but still pretty funny nonetheless.


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## Medicgirli87

CBMEDIC1 said:


> I live in Minnesota where "Winter" means like 10 degrees outside on a warm day....made me chuckle when you said that it was in the 60's and it was winter


Minni!!!


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## Fry14MN

schaeper35 said:


> Minni!!!



They'd love this blizzard today we are getting!


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## AGreatFuture

Lol does asking too many questions about the job bother you guys?


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## NomadicMedic




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## Handsome Robb

NomadicMedic said:


> View attachment 3520



My stock answer is you don't want to know. Or I'll pick some gory trauma. 

Or occasionally if I'm feeling like a real ******* I'll tell them and they tend to not really have anything to say when I'm finished. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## E tank

Handsome Robb said:


> My stock answer is you don't want to know. Or I'll pick some gory trauma.
> 
> Or occasionally if I'm feeling like a real ******* I'll tell them and they tend to not really have anything to say when I'm finished.
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



I just tell 'em. In seven words. They don't usually believe me, but that generally  ends it.


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## Chimpie

*Off topic posts removed.*


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## LiveForTheTones

Pt c/o one sx and one sx only.

Me: And how long has that been going on for?
Pt: What? The -insert the one sx they c/o-
Me: No. the other reason why you're here. -_-


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## E tank

So...you need a lot of school for that?


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## LiveForTheTones

E tank said:


> So...you need a lot of school for that?


Not necessarily. Just a lot of patience.


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## VentMonkey

E tank said:


> So...you need a lot of school for that?





LiveForTheTones said:


> Not necessarily. Just a lot of patience.


I think he was replying to the thread title.


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## LiveForTheTones

VentMonkey said:


> I think he was replying to the thread title.



And that's usually my answer to the people that ask that question. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## VentMonkey

LiveForTheTones said:


> And that's usually my answer to the people that ask that question.


Touché.


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## VFlutter

Hey, I am the Flight Nurse...."Oh do they let you fly the helicopter?!"


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## DrParasite

Chase said:


> Hey, I am the Flight Nurse...."Oh do they let you fly the helicopter?!"


absolutely.... we even let the pilots start IVs and and give sick people medications.


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## EMS HOT BOX

LiveForTheTones said:


> And that's usually my answer to the people that ask that question.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Ha ha ha, lol.


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## bakertaylor28

My personal favorite  (coming from a frat-guy type while mingling at a Christmas party) :


"can i take (insert an obscene amount) of (insert OTC drug here) without overdosing?" plus the gold standard: "can an overdose of "X" drug be treated"

to which I reply:

"Maybe, maybe not. It all depends. However there is no treatment for stupidity, and stupidity is lethal at least 50 to 75 per cent of the time."

Follow up question:

"So how do you test for stupidity?..."

I told him I'd get back to him on that, and kindly removed myself from the conversation.


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## JW5974

read2go said:


> Patient: "Can we stop on the way for hot chocolate?"


Once on a long distance transport (about 300 miles) my patient asks if we can stop for coffee and food. He had no reason to be NPO and I was hungry. Waffle House it is.


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## luke_31

JW5974 said:


> Once on a long distance transport (about 300 miles) my patient asks if we can stop for coffee and food. He had no reason to be NPO and I was hungry. Waffle House it is.


That's common. I've stopped at gas stations before because the patient needed to pee and they were ambulatory. No need to use a urinal if the patient is more then capable of walking on their own. I'm surprised they didnt plan a meal break for the patient on the trip, 300 miles is a long way to go without getting hungry.


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## JW5974

DrParasite said:


> absolutely.... we even let the pilots start IVs and and give sick people medications.


Total


luke_31 said:


> That's common. I've stopped at gas stations before because the patient needed to pee and they were ambulatory. No need to use a urinal if the patient is more then capable of walking on their own. I'm surprised they didnt plan a meal break for the patient on the trip, 300 miles is a long way to go without getting hungry.


Company policy not to allow the patient to walk. Stupid I know. Some rules are meant to be broken. Plus I was preventing PE's.


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## luke_31

JW5974 said:


> Total
> 
> Company policy not to allow the patient to walk. Stupid I know. Some rules are meant to be broken. Plus I was preventing PE's.


Not something I have to worry about where I work, if they can walk, then they will walk.  Also if we arrive on scene and have more then one patient and only one or none actually needs to be on the stretcher we will take as many will fit in the truck.


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## bakertaylor28

luke_31 said:


> Not something I have to worry about where I work, if they can walk, then they will walk.  Also if we arrive on scene and have more then one patient and only one or none actually needs to be on the stretcher we will take as many will fit in the truck.


That works right up until you have multiple patients needing c-spine precautions. Then, good luck fitting more than two in the same rig and still be able to work without stepping on someone.


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## bakertaylor28

JW5974 said:


> Total
> 
> Company policy not to allow the patient to walk. Stupid I know. Some rules are meant to be broken. Plus I was preventing PE's.



They have those policies for the sole purpose of defending themselves from lawsuit- as they set up the 'qualified immunity' defense if your working for a government contractor or other government provider. If you break policy, chances are that you use 'qualified immunity' and then it all comes down as to the facts and circumstances as to exactly why you broke policy- and lawyers have a way of twisting facts.


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## luke_31

bakertaylor28 said:


> That works right up until you have multiple patients needing c-spine precautions. Then, good luck fitting more than two in the same rig and still be able to work without stepping on someone.


No backboarding for most patients, just C-collars and if it's that bad we would call for our helicopter and more ambulances as needed


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## bakertaylor28

luke_31 said:


> No backboarding for most patients, just C-collars and if it's that bad we would call for our helicopter and more ambulances as needed



meh, in my mind, if I'm using the collar, I'm probably using the backboard- I just can't plausibly see a situation where c-spine is appropriate where we'd KNOW for the fact (without XR)  that suspected trauma is confined above the T and L vertebra - and these things have an interesting way of NOT being symptomatic in the slightest at times.


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## luke_31

bakertaylor28 said:


> meh, in my mind, if I'm using the collar, I'm probably using the backboard- I just can't plausibly see a situation where c-spine is appropriate where we'd KNOW for the fact (without XR)  that suspected trauma is confined above the T and L vertebra - and these things have an interesting way of NOT being symptomatic in the slightest at times.


Read up on some of the studies, you'll find you are doing more harm then good by backboarding all your patients.  I'm sure in the future c-collars will change too.


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## VentMonkey

luke_31 said:


> I'm sure in the future c-collars will change too.


I detest the X-collars; they are absolute garbage. I wish we would all universally just mandate Philly collars.


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## bakertaylor28

luke_31 said:


> Read up on some of the studies, you'll find you are doing more harm then good by backboarding all your patients.  I'm sure in the future c-collars will change too.



This is a valid point. C-spine isn't without it's issues- however, there's also the public stigma about NOT using it (regardless of the empirical data in support of not using it.) Lawyers love public perception when it works for them, regardless of how detrimental it is in reality.

Mind you personally I HATE using backboards and would rather NOT given the choice- as they are heavy and difficult to lug around on scene.


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## luke_31

bakertaylor28 said:


> This is a valid point. C-spine isn't without it's issues- however, there's also the public stigma about NOT using it (regardless of the empirical data in support of not using it.) Lawyers love public perception when it works for them, regardless of how detrimental it is in reality.


Lawyers can do all they want, as long as protocols are followed they can't go down that road and be successful.


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## bakertaylor28

luke_31 said:


> Lawyers can do all they want, as long as protocols are followed they can't go down that road.



That is true... BUT you still have that public perception stigma that you have to overcome- People (especially juries, whom do not have our education) will sometimes overlook expert opinion and protocol, looking more to public perception, which is resistant to change, because of the fact that there are alot of people out there that are not willing to so much as question the conventional wisdom. So really, it all comes down to your service obtaining a really good mouthpiece, in the event of a problematic case.


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## luke_31

bakertaylor28 said:


> That is true... BUT you still have that public perception stigma that you have to overcome- People (especially juries, whom do not have our education) will sometimes overlook expert opinion and protocol, looking more to public perception, which is resistant to change, because of the fact that there are alot of people out there that are not willing to so much as question the conventional wisdom. So really, it all comes down to your service obtaining a really good mouthpiece, in the event of a problematic case.


Considering my service is federal I'm not too concerned.


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## Jim37F

Even working for a private company "Public Perception" had absolutely little to no effect on how we treated the patient in front of us......and never once did I have a situation where people asking why we didn't c-spine them or their loved ones...usually they were asking if it was really necessary and if we could take all that stuff off.....


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## NysEms2117

@Jim37F soooo is shaka thank you???? oooh ooh i got it, Mahalo is hello!!!!


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## DesertMedic66

I’ve grown tired of the random public asking “what happened?” So I have turned to normally saying “shark attack” with a straight face and then walking away. I work in the middle of the desert with no ocean anywhere around.


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## Jim37F

VentMonkey said:


> Can you show this to every fire department in California ever then? Preferably in "Crayola" writing via PowerPoint...





DesertMedic66 said:


> I’ve grown tired of the random public asking “what happened?” So I have turned to normally saying “shark attack” with a straight face and then walking away. I work in the middle of the desert with no ocean anywhere around.


I'd so steal that! Except here they may take that literally.....


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## CALEMT

Jim37F said:


> I'd so steal that! Except here they may take that literally.....



Grizzly bear attack?


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## Ensihoitaja

Jim37F said:


> I'd so steal that! Except here they may take that literally.....



Plane crash?


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## CALEMT

Ensihoitaja said:


> Plane crash?



Kamakazi attack. @DesertMedic66 's idea... too soon?


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## Ensihoitaja

CALEMT said:


> Kamakazi attack. @DesertMedic66 's idea... too soon?



Government-created killer nano robot infection?


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## johnrsemt

I have stopped multiple times to feed patients and crews;  but when you transport 12+ hours a few times you need to


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## johnrsemt

We used to tell people that asked what happened "Plane Crash"  except on the side of the freeway with a plane (not a crash, ran out of fuel and landed,  pulled off to the side and dropped his wing into the ditch).   Told people it was a shark attack.  In the Midwest that works ok.


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## Medic27

"Am I going to die????", no sir you have a broken arm.

Said every other patient ever.


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## JW5974

bakertaylor28 said:


> meh, in my mind, if I'm using the collar, I'm probably using the backboard- I just can't plausibly see a situation where c-spine is appropriate where we'd KNOW for the fact (without XR)  that suspected trauma is confined above the T and L vertebra - and these things have an interesting way of NOT being symptomatic in the slightest at times.


Do they keep patients on backboards at the hospital? Even before radiology results? It's time we re-evaluate our practices. Not to mention multiple studies have proven that backboards do more harm than good.


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## hapacamp

I heard a patient say that her pituitary was hurting. Is that possible?


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## Chris EMT J

The dumbest but cutest and innocent question I have had was a like elementary school boy refused to talk to his parents and he wanted to go to the hospital. So we come on down and he asked he with the most serious face am I pregnant? I couldn't help but smiley and tried so hard not to laugh. I ask why and he said his tummy hurts. I worked him up normal history and exam +vitals good. He seemed fine but that was so funny! Lol


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## IsraelEMS

Yesterday I had a pt who asked me repeatedly if he was conscious. 
Am I conscious?
Yes
Are you sure?
I am very sure.
Am I going to loose consciousness?
Unfortunately, no.
Well, how will I know if I loose consciousness? 
Don't worry, If you suddenly loose consciousness I'll let you know. 
Promise?
I promise. I'll let you know, I'll let the driver know. I'll even let the ER know. 
oh, ok. Thanks.


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