# You might be in EMS if...



## RescueYou (Sep 6, 2009)

You might be in EMS if…

You try to schedule days off around the phases of the moon

You have a bumber sticker that reads “Stat happens”

You are the only one at the dinner table not allowed to talk about your day of work

Discussing dismemberment while eating a goumet meal is perfectly normal

Your pajamas and work clothes all look alike

Your ringtone on your phone is a siren

You’ve ever muttered “nice veins” to a complete stranger

You think it’s funny to tell a patient “I know how you feel. It’s my first IV too.” 

You have a pet named “comatose”

You think the world is going to come to an end if someone utters “Wow, it‘s really quiet”

You can drink 5 cups of caffeinated coffee before noon

The stop-in-food-store manager down the street from your crew hall knows you by name

It’s a miracle if you ever get to sit down and eat a full meal without any interruptions

You follow random ambulancesin your POV

You carry a pair of sheers with you everywhere you go

Your record is going  95mph down Main Street

O-P-Q-R-S-T is not just the middle of the alphabet

You find humor in other people's stupidity 

You believe than 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you sit down to eat

You believe a good tape job will fix anything 

You have the bladder capacity of five people

Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change

Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint

You have ever referred to someone's death as a "Celestial Transfer", or a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit"... 

You have ever answered a "lost condom" call...

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"... 

You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis... 

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"... 

You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably... 

You have ever wanted to reply "yes" when someone calls the E.R. and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"... 

You have ever referred to the E.R. Doc , triage nurse, or partner as a ":censored::censored::censored::censored: magnet" or "angel of death"... 

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion... 

You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form... 

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience... 

You believe the ER waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain... 

You want lab to order a "dumb :censored::censored::censored::censored: profile"... 

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"... 

You have ever had a patient say, "but I'm not pregnant; I'm a virgin! How can I be having a baby"... 

You have ever accused a patient of faking a seizure, only to watch him immeadiately come out of the seizure long enough to deny faking it and cuss you out, then go back into it... 

Your shoes have been seized and quarantined by either the CDC in Atlanta, OSHA, the EPA, or the Nuclear Regulatory Commission... 

And finally, You might be an EMS professional if you find any of this funny!!!!


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## fortsmithman (Sep 6, 2009)

LOL Hahahaha


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## usafmedic45 (Sep 7, 2009)

> Discussing dismemberment while eating a goumet meal is perfectly normal



+1 if you've ever been told (and I quote) "Get out....don't worry about the bill...just leave. Now!" because of such a discussion at a very expensive restaurant.


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## VentMedic (Sep 7, 2009)

usafmedic45 said:


> +1 if you've ever been told (and I quote) "Get out....don't worry about the bill...just leave. Now!" because of such a discussion at a very expensive restaurant.


 
-10 if you are discussing your patients who may be members of the community and even patrons of that restaurant.


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## RescueYou (Sep 7, 2009)

"You try to schedule days off around the phases of the moon"
Yes. Yes I do LOL.


"Your ringtone on your phone is a siren"
I love fooling people lol.


"Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change"
No. Try 3 arrests. 



"You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis... "
Too many times.


"You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably..." 
The stories we could all tell....




And you got thrown out?!?! ROFL!!!


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## RescueYou (Sep 7, 2009)

VentMedic said:


> -10 if you are discussing your patients who may be members of the community and even patrons of that restaurant.



Eh...that's true, but just don't say names or location and just be careful in general to mind the HIPPA laws, it's not really a problem.


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## Mountain Res-Q (Sep 7, 2009)

You might be in EMS if…

You try to schedule days off around the phases of the moon
_Yep… hoping for the good calls on those days…_

You have a bumber sticker that reads “Stat happens”
_Nope_

You are the only one at the dinner table not allowed to talk about your day of work
_Just leave out names and specifics and see who I can get to vomit first…_

Discussing dismemberment while eating a gourmet meal is perfectly normal
_And preferred…_

Your pajamas and work clothes all look alike
_No… I wear no pajamas…  :blush:_

Your ringtone on your phone is a siren
_Yep…_

You’ve ever muttered “nice veins” to a complete stranger
_Yes, actually, often…_

You think it’s funny to tell a patient “I know how you feel. It’s my first IV too.” 
_I think it is hilarious to see their faces…_

You have a pet named “comatose”
_No, Felix, Spazz, and Blue Belle…_

You think the world is going to come to an end if someone utters “Wow, it‘s really quiet”
_No… I believe that the fun is just about to start…_

You can drink 5 cups of caffeinated coffee before noon
_Hate coffee… but 5 Monsters or Amps?  SURE…_

The stop-in-food-store manager down the street from your crew hall knows you by name
_Perkos Café is a frequent spot… but they don’t know all our names…_

It’s a miracle if you ever get to sit down and eat a full meal without any interruptions
_Never sit…_

You follow random ambulances in your POV
_Just to see if I can beat them to calls… and I can…  B)_

You carry a pair of sheers with you everywhere you go
_Not anymore… got past the whacker thing a while ago… they are in the car... _

Your record is going 95mph down Main Street
_90 actually… traffic is bad…_

O-P-Q-R-S-T is not just the middle of the alphabet
_ABC, ALOC, OPQRST, AMI, SAMPLE, CVA, DCAP-BTLS, PAD, PVD, PCV, RBC, EMT, CCT, BLS, ALS, CCRN, SAR, AMR, my brain is like an eye chart…_

You find humor in other people's stupidity 
_What’s not to laugh at?  It is one of my greatest past times…_

You believe than 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm
_Yep, we live in a society that continues to dispute natural selection…_

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you sit down to eat
_Naw… anytime I can eat in the woods…_

You believe a good tape job will fix anything 
_DUCK TAPE cures all… lol…_

You have the bladder capacity of five people
_I hold the world record for pee time… 13 minutes 12 seconds... YAH B)_

Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
_Sure…_

Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint
_Not a kid person (except mentally), so substitute papoose restraint for duck tape…_

You have ever referred to someone's death as a "Celestial Transfer", or a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit"... 
_Nope…_

You have ever answered a "lost condom" call...
_Without getting personal…  nope…  :blush:_

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...Doing It Right"... 
_GOD YES…_

You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis... 
_And then tattooed on there forheads…_

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"... 
_I have few stories along those lines…_

You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably... 
_Maybe…  ^_^_

You have ever wanted to reply "yes" when someone calls the E.R. and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"... 
_No… I have said, "Try the morgue"_

You have ever referred to the E.R. Doc , triage nurse, or partner as a "     magnet" or "angel of death"... 
_Yep… _

Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion... 
_naw… my favorite hallucinogen is being warm..._

You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form...
_Isn’t is? Or have I been using it off label?  Whoops..._

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience…
_I can restrained a few people with restraints that were not eatable… lol :blush:_

You believe the ER waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain... 
_Sure… I swear by them..._

You want lab to order a "dumb     profile"... 
_STAT…_

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"... 
_“I was lonely… and you are cute…”_

You have ever had a patient say, "but I'm not pregnant; I'm a virgin! How can I be having a baby"... 
_“If you are not pregnant… then I am a medical Professional…” and according to most here... that just ain't true... ^_^_

You have ever accused a patient of faking a seizure, only to watch him immediately come out of the seizure long enough to deny faking it and cuss you out, then go back into it... 
_I never assume it is not real… but to be sure I yell out the words, “somebody get the three foot rectal probe before he swallows his tongue!”  I pity the fool who is not faking…_ 

Your shoes have been seized and quarantined by either the CDC in Atlanta, OSHA, the EPA, or the Nuclear Regulatory Commission... 
_Underwear, not shoes… and good news I was indeed exposed to enough radiation to render me sterile…_

And finally, You might be an EMS professional if you find any of this funny!!!!
_This was appalling… how dare you…  _


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## VentMedic (Sep 7, 2009)

RescueYou said:


> Eh...that's true, but just don't say names or location and just be careful in general to mind the *HIPPA *laws, it's not really a problem.


 
HIPAA

Actually it doesn't pertain to HIPAA but rather to your state's patient privacy laws and the EMT Oath you agreed to when you accepted your certification. It is all part of being a health care professional and to have the decency not to "kiss and tell" about your patients in public to where all can hear. 

You never know who will be listening that will know enough details to recognize who you are talking about especially if you are in a small community or dining in the same neighborhood.   People call you in their time of need and sometimes that requires you to come into their homes to where you will see very private things in their lives. To hear supposedly health care professionals yak about these intimate things in public violates a trust and demonstrates a lack of maturity when it comes to appropriate discussions about patient care in public.


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## Ridryder911 (Sep 7, 2009)

RescueYou said:


> Eh...that's true, but just don't say names or location and just be careful in general to mind the HIPPA laws, it's not really a problem.



As well, it does not have to be specific. HIPAA describes that if one can make an assumption or correlation privacy and HIPAA maybe violated. If it is a small town or an event where it has been in the media or made known, and one can relate it to a person, then violation may have occurred. In other words, just keep thy mouth shut and one will do fine. 

R/r 911


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## kittaypie (Sep 7, 2009)

Mountain Res-Q said:


> You might be in EMS if…
> 
> You have the bladder capacity of five people
> _I hold the world record for pee time… 13 minutes 12 seconds... YAH B)_





what!!!!! and i thought 1 min 30 seconds was bad...


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## medichopeful (Sep 8, 2009)

Mountain Res-Q said:


> You have the bladder capacity of five people
> _I hold the world record for pee time… 13 minutes 12 seconds... YAH B)_



I'm calling "bull" on this one :wacko:


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## 46Young (Sep 8, 2009)

VentMedic said:


> HIPAA
> 
> Actually it doesn't pertain to HIPAA but rather to your state's patient privacy laws and the EMT Oath you agreed to when you accepted your certification. It is all part of being a health care professional and to have the decency not to "kiss and tell" about your patients in public to where all can hear.
> 
> You never know who will be listening that will know enough details to recognize who you are talking about especially if you are in a small community or dining in the same neighborhood.   People call you in their time of need and sometimes that requires you to come into their homes to where you will see very private things in their lives. To hear supposedly health care professionals yak about these intimate things in public violates a trust and demonstrates a lack of maturity when it comes to appropriate discussions about patient care in public.



It's also a VERY bad idea to post working incidents, such as fatal MVA's and such on facebook or youtube. Two FDNY medics did a documentary on their various jobs, including drunks and such. They got caught. I'm sure that they got fired, but I don't know what else happened to them.


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## RescueYou (Sep 8, 2009)

46Young said:


> It's also a VERY bad idea to post working incidents, such as fatal MVA's and such on facebook or youtube. Two FDNY medics did a documentary on their various jobs, including drunks and such. They got caught. I'm sure that they got fired, but I don't know what else happened to them.



Yeah. Dumb idea. I personally don't discuss calls much in public because of people who may be listening. But if I'm going to talk about it (at dinner to be exact) it'll be no names, no location, no time/date, no gender, no age, etc. Just, like, for example, I'd say "One call there was a pt who's hand had been severed off..." No cause of injury either if it's a rare thing (laceration to hand while cooking- fairly common. running hand through wood chipper- not common, etc) But I'd NEVER post a video. Not even with sound muted and faces/car plates/ambulance names blurred or blacked out. Not worth the risk.


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## Dominion (Sep 8, 2009)

RescueYou said:


> Yeah. Dumb idea. I personally don't discuss calls much in public because of people who may be listening. But if I'm going to talk about it (at dinner to be exact) it'll be no names, no location, no time/date, no gender, no age, etc. Just, like, for example, I'd say "One call there was a pt who's hand had been severed off..." No cause of injury either if it's a rare thing (laceration to hand while cooking- fairly common. running hand through wood chipper- not common, etc) But I'd NEVER post a video. Not even with sound muted and faces/car plates/ambulance names blurred or blacked out. Not worth the risk.



I've been about the same way except I have talked about runs with other EMS workers or my wife in public before.  I wouldn't discuss calls with strangers or people I don't know very well (ie to show off).  But if I go out to dinner or lunch with my paramedic class or a bunch of people from work, stories will invariably be told at one point in the conversation.  Not to say that's ALL we talk about but it comes up 

I have shared very non-specific stories in mixed company with a friend who is an ER Tech and another friends sister who is a RN in one of the more busy ER's.  Our conversational topics were vetoed pretty quick


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