# Dispatchers Say the Darndest Things...



## FF/EMT Sam (Jan 22, 2007)

We all have great stories about our allies/enemies the dispatchers, who control the great god Motorola.  Let's throw a few of them out to laugh at.

I'll start with a few goodies (some I'd already posted, and some new ones)

Dispatch: "Station X, respond ambulance to (address) for urinary problems
Ambulance: "Medic X-1, go ahead"
Dispatch: "Station X, respond ambulance to (address) for urinary problems
Ambulance: Dispatch, you're coming in with bad reception. Repeat your traffic.
Dispatch: "PATIENT WITH URINARY PROBLEMS!"
Ambulance: "Apologies, but repeat that one more time"
Dispatch: "HE CAN'T F:censored:ING PISS, YOU A:censored:HOLE!
<<Long pause>>
Ambulance: (slyly) "Repeat?"

Dispatch: Station Y, respond ambulance to 123 Main Street for general illness.
(seconds later)
Dispatch: Station Y, respond ambulance, second ambulance call, to 234 Main Street for injuries for a fall.
Ambulance: Medic Y-1 Responding
Dispatch: Medic Y-1, which call are you responding to?
Ambulance: (different voice) Medic Y-1 this is dispatch, responding to 123...correction...223 Main Street
Dispatch: Umm...Medic Y-1, _you_ are Medic Y-1, _we_ are dispatch, and nobody knows exactly where the hell you're responding to.

Dispatch: Station Z, respond ambulance to 123 Lincolnn Street for a patient with difficulty breathing.
Ambulance: Z-2 Responding.
Dispatch: 10-4, Z-2, be advised, you have a 76 year old female patient on 2 liters of H2O via nasal cannula.
Ambulance: Dispatch, do you mean that the patient is on 2 liters of O2?
Dispatch: Negative, H2O, of course.  Why?  What did I say?
Ambulance: Never mind.

Dispatch: Station A, respond ambulance to 345 Washington Street for injuries from a fall
Ambulance: A-1 responding
Dispatch, 10-4, A-1.  Be advised this is going to be a priority one call, code blue.

(The following exchange took place 5 min. before a shift was scheduled to end.  The ambulance was about to mark back in the station)
Dispatch: Dispatch to B-2
Ambulance: B-2, go ahead
Dispatch: I need you to respond to 678 Adams Avenue for chest pains
Ambulance: :censored:  B-2 Responding.
Dispatch: Same to you.

Dispatch: Station C, respond to an accident with injury, 345 Coleman Blvd.
Ambulance: Medic C-2 Responding
Engine: Engine C-5 Responding
Dispatch: Dispatch to all units responding to the accident with injury, be advised that we gotten several calls about this accident, and there may be more than one wreck.
Ambulance: Medic C-2 to dispatch, go ahead and alert second due to assist us if there's more than one accident
Dispatch: 10-4, umm... Who's second due for this area?

Dispatch: EMS 1 [medical assist paramedic] respond to assist D-1 with an ambulance call.
<<<Two minutes later>>>
Dispatch: EMS 1 [medical assist paramedic] respond to assist D-1 with an ambulance call.
<<<Two minutes later>>>
Dispatch: (who just happens EMS 1's wife) JOHN GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT OF BED!!!!!
EMS 1: EMS 1 Responding
Dispatch: About time.
Unknown Unit: John ain't getting any tonight.
Dispatch: Friendly reminder to all units: please refrain from all unneccesary radio traffic


I know that there's more great tales out there.  Throw 'em out for the rest of us to enjoy!


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## m33kr0b (Jan 22, 2007)

Dispatch: 21 report to the parking lot on the corner of state and main, there is a report of a deer bucking cars.
21: Please repeat last transmission
Dispatch: State and main a deer is bucking cars
21: I am sorry please repeat that one more time
Dispatch: 21 on the corner of State and Main there is a deer bucking cars with his antlers
21: oh, baker. 10-4 deer bucking cars.


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## m33kr0b (Jan 22, 2007)

opps double post


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## CrazyRower (Jan 22, 2007)

I unfortunately wasn't there for this one, but it's kinda funny anyways.

Dispatch: Rescue 1, respond to the Xth floor of Dorm X for a student who has been executed

(long pause)

Rescue 1: Rescue 1 responding to Dorm X for student who has been executed.

Dispatch: I MEANT ELECTROCUTED!!! :censored: :censored:


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## oldschoolmedic (Jan 23, 2007)

Dispatch (slightly garbled): Sierra 210, respond to 123 Eutawville St, Code 3, Signal 90 (unknown medical)
EMS: 10-4, Central Sierra 210 is 10-8, 10-17 123 Eutawville St, Code 3, Signal 90. Could we get a phonetic spelling of the street name?
Dispatch: 10-4, Eutawville, that is E-echo, U-europe...Uhhhhh
EMS: 10-4, we'll look it up ourselves, thanks

Same dispatcher, different day:

Dispatch: Sierra 232, respond to 10000 block Garner's Ferry Rd, Code 3, Signal 10-50I House versus Car.
EMS: 10-4, Central Sierra 232 is 10-8, 10-17 10000 block of Garner's Ferry Rd, Code 3, Signal 10-50I Car vs House
Dispatch: Negative, house versus car
EMS: 10-4 car versus house
Dispatch: I repeat house versus car
EMS: 10-4, copy the house hit the car?
Dispatch: Uhhhhhhhhhhh, disregard my last, copy you 10-8

Paramedic on light duty and punished by being sent to dispatch:

Dispatch: Sierra 215, respond to Gonorrhea Gardens Apt 36-B, Code 3, Signal 50 (vomiting)
EMS (laughing): 10-4, Central Sierra 215 is 10-8, 10-17 36-B Gonzalez Gardens, Code 3, Signal 50.
Dispatch (tried to play it off): 10-4 Sierra 215 

You could hear the phone ringing in the background when he said this. We (street and dispatchers)knew it was the shift supervisor, we also knew we would be wearing black armbands the next shift due to a mysterious line of duty death at Central Dispatch.


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## yowzer (Jan 23, 2007)

Dispatch: "You're going to such and such address, for a man who fell off of a cabulance lift.... NOT one of ours!"


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## FF/EMT Sam (Jan 23, 2007)

On Christmas Eve:

"Stations F, G, and H, respond ambulance, Stations I, J, medical assist, Station K, ladder response needed, injury to a reindeer in the vicinity of the roof of 123 Maple Ave.  Be advised that a man in a red suit will flag you down when you get nearby."

For the rest of the evening, we got updates as to where the "man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer" was.  

"Attention all interested personnel: The man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer has been seen at Station 24, 146 Clayton Street, 24-49's personal residence, and, for some strange reason, Chief 24's residence."

"Attention all interested personnel: The man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer has been seen at 345 Main Street, and, of course, Deputy Chief 29's house."

Chief 29: Chief 29 to Dispatch
Dispatch: Go ahead, Chief 29
Chief 29: Let the dude in red know that he skipped my house
Dispatch: Stand by, I'll try to contact him.
(long pause)
Dispatch: Dispatch to Chief 29, be advised that the says there's a good reason for skipping you, but you don't want me to repeat it over the open airwaves.
Unknown Unit: Aww, go ahead dispatch.  We can handle the truth.
Chief 29: Oh no you can't.

9-71: 9-71 to Dispatch
Dispatch: Go ahead 9-71
9-71: Dispatch an ambulance to my residence.  Grandma just got run over my a reaindeer.
Dispatch: Tell Granny to suck it up and go beat up the reindeer.


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## FireStrut (Jan 24, 2007)

*Funny stuff right there, you know what I mean.*


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## FF/EMT Sam (Mar 29, 2007)

After making fun of our dispatchers for a while, I just had to pass on this jewel from the radio...

(Keep in mind that this store is in the middle of a residential neighborhood where every yard is clealy visible, as the Medic d**n well knew...)

Dispatch: Station G, respond ambulance to the vicinity of the Eckerd Pharmacy for a person down.
G-1: Medic G-1 Responding.  Can you call caller back and get a 911 address for this call?
Dispatch: Umm...G-1: It'll be in the vicinity of the Eckerd Pharmacy.  Your patient will be in a yard.
G-1: 10-4, but I need a 911 address so I know which yard.
Dispatch (yelling): If there's a few folks passed out in every freakin' yard, we'll call the :censored: Center for Disease Control for you!  Now go do your :censored: job!


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## Airwaygoddess (Mar 29, 2007)

I could never do their job!!!  Bless their hearts!^_^


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## medman123 (Mar 29, 2007)

your to nice airway. lol


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## Tincanfireman (Mar 30, 2007)

Airwaygoddess said:


> Bless their hearts!^_^


 
Been there, done that, and there's not enough money in the world to get me back in those chairs.  Truly one of the most thankless jobs in the world, though I agree completely with the Goddess...


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## Stevo (Mar 30, 2007)

i could never understand one dispatcher here, it was a while ago. i found out that (years later) she took her teeth out at night....

dispatchers ought to have at least have _teeth_ dammit!

~S~


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## Summit (Mar 30, 2007)

Dispatch: Dive Rescue, Engine X, Ambulance 1 respond to MM 123 for bus in the river. Bus has many people on it and is sinking.
Engine X: X OK
Dive 2: Dive 2 OK
Ambulance 1: 1 OK
Dispatch: Responding units be advised this is not a bus in the river, but a car. It is sinking with people inside.
(units acknowledge)
Dispatch: Be advised that there is noone inside the vehicle and it is not sinking.
Dive 2: Dive 2 is responding nonemergent...
Dispatch: All units stand down. There is nothing in the river.


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## EMTBandit (Mar 31, 2007)

RPPD to the Ambulance Corps. this is your nightly test of the (In background: I TOLD YOU TO SIT DOWN AND STAY THERE!!!) paging system, time now is 1800.

I think it should be general practice that the prisoners are behaving themselves before you put out a pager test lol.


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## gradygirl (Apr 2, 2007)

D (female): 9xx, have you left XYZ Hospital yet?
9xx (female): We're taking Medic 1 back to his truck.
D: 10-4. But have you left the hospital yet?
9xx: (annoyed) Yes, I just said we were taking Medic 1 back to his truck.
D: (annoyed) I know you did, but I didn't know if you had left the hospital or not.
Other Crew: *cats growling and hissing*


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## DT4EMS (Apr 4, 2007)

Yes they do..........
check this out.........

http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_...f7SI/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskLDgjUuc1g1eNpp7LzaUxO-


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## Chimpie (Apr 4, 2007)

DT4EMS said:


> Yes they do..........
> check this out.........
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_...f7SI/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskLDgjUuc1g1eNpp7LzaUxO-


The long version of that call is funny.... and embarassing.  I wonder if "Mike" still has a job.


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## c-spine (Apr 12, 2007)

Dispatch: Amherst EMS, respond to (pause) -muffled- quick, what's the address? -pause- 123 main street for patient with chest pain.


I was on for ths one - my partner and I had a :censored::censored::censored::censored: fit laughing at dispatch.


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## sfguard (Apr 18, 2007)

I was working rescue with a Volunteer fire dept one night when we got called to assist a unit on the other side of town.  Upon arrival we see two small framed female medics with one VERY large patient approx. 600lbs.  We had the old style stretcher you know the one...( lower to the ground then pick up and load in the rig.)  Yeah.... :glare: The crew called to assist also had to call for assist all the while standing on the street curb with the patient on the stretcher.  I have no idea how the original crew got the patient that far but that is where we found them at the back of the rig on the curbside.  Only way it could have been any worse I guess would have been if it were raining.

Three crews tied up


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## FF/EMT Sam (Apr 18, 2007)

Not from my area, but priceless anyway:

Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
Dispatch: 10-4, Medic M-2.  Be advised your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: Say *WHAT?!?!?*
Dispatch: M-2, your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: The dead one?!?!
Dispatch: M-2, you're going to a nosebleeds patient.  
M-2: Dispatch, we're going to 678 Adams Drive.  Now, is the patient dead or bleeding from the nose?
Dispatch: He's got a nosebleed.  It started approx. 5 minutes ago.  He cannot get the bleeding stopped.
M-2: Umm...You alerted us for a Code Grey,
Dispatch: No, I alerted station T for a Code Grey
M-2: No, you didn't.
Dispatch: You've got to be kidding me.
M-2: Negative
Dispatch: I quit.

------------------
Dispatch: Station R, respond ambulance 617 Quincy Drive, for a patient vomiting
R-1: R-1 Responding
Unknown Unit: R-1, be advised that you will be unable to get down this driveway.  You're going to need a brush truck to get your patient.
Dispatch: Station R, Brush Truck reponse needed for an ambulance call, 617 Quincy Drive
Brush-R: Brush R responding
Chief R [perfectally seriously]: Chief R to Brush-R, Brush-R, don't get the truck muddy.  I just cleaned it.
Brush-R [self-rghteously]: Don't worry; I'll make sure it stays clean.  God forbid the Brush truck should go on a dirt road.  As a matter of fact, Chief, we'll cancel response and take your POV [personal vehicle].  Is that 10-4?


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## Airwaygoddess (Apr 19, 2007)

BLESS THEIR HEARTS!!^_^  so Sam how goes the new job?  Stay safe and well!!^_^


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## medman123 (Apr 19, 2007)

FF/EMT Sam said:


> Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
> M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
> Dispatch: 10-4, Medic M-2.  Be advised your patient will meet you at the curb.
> M-2: Say *WHAT?!?!?*
> ...


HAHA, that made my day!


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## mfrjason (Apr 23, 2007)

FF/EMT Sam said:


> Not from my area, but priceless anyway:
> 
> Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
> M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
> ...



OMGF! The chief had to be kidding,there is no way a brush truck is gonna stay clean if it has to go off-road.


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## keith10247 (Apr 29, 2007)

My county is not as entertaining as your counties apparently.  We did have a call in the county that stuck out... Unfortunately it was not a call that I was on.  

Dispatch:  Box #12-12 for injuries from an assault... Ambulance X responding.

Ambulance:  Ambulance X will be staging at 123 Maple St. for police

Dispatch:  Ambulance X, you will be responding to an adult male who was kicked in the shin.  Police is on scene advising the scene is secure.

Ambulance:  Um,  Did you say "kicked in the shin?"

Dispatch: Ambulance X, that is affirmative, adult male kicked in the shin.

Ambulance:  Ooooook....Ambulance X is direct.


I do not know how dispatch can keep a straight face when dispatching calls like this...


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## Rowanm77 (Apr 29, 2007)

*Zebras*

I had just gone to bed when I heard this one on my scanner one night about midnight: 
Dispatch to Medical Helicopter: "Your landing zone will be at 'Papa Hotel Zebra Zebra Alpha'." A second later dispatch came back on laughing and added: "Watch out for the zebras...they're hard to see at night!"
I swear, it's true!!! I almost fell of my bed when I heard it! 
Unfortunately I couldn't hear the reply from the helicopter crew, but I'm sure it was priceless!


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## gnh2276 (Jun 9, 2007)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PApP8-geSeo


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## Thanach (Jun 15, 2007)

keith10247 said:


> I do not know how dispatch can keep a straight face when dispatching calls like this...




we don't, we just wait till after we let go of the button to start laughin our arses off...


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## babygirl2882 (Jun 25, 2007)

gnh2276 said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PApP8-geSeo


 wow....is that for real?


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## eggshen (Jul 7, 2007)

Me: Paramedics how may I help you?
Caller: I was just bitten by a poisonous squirrel!
Me: Ma'am, I think you'll be alright, I doubt it was the poisonous type of squirrel. Poisonous squirrels are not indigenous to this region.


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## gradygirl (Jul 17, 2007)

Dispatch: 922.
Unit 922: Go ahead.
D: Priority 2, signal 17 in the city. Respond to Buckingham and Hudson for the assault.
922: Buckingham and Hudson for the assault. 10-4.

922: This is Hartford 922. Responding to Buckingham and Hudson for the assault.
HPD: Roger 922. Be advised, the scene is safe. Enter the Juvenile Rehab building on the 2nd floor.
922: Roger.

(U/A)

922: 922 arrival on scene.
D: Roger 922.
922: Uh, HPD said something about a building. Do you know what we're supposed to be looking for?
D: Oh, well, you know, look around for a guy on the ground, in the bushes, you know, places where a person usually wouldn't be.
922: ...wait...what happened to the building?
D: What building?
-------------------
936: 936 to dispatch, could you re-encode the page, it didn't quite come out right.
Dispatch: Was it in Egyptian? I guess I accidentally hit the Egyptian encode button.
936: Nah, it's more like a bunch of flashy boxes.
D: Flashy whats???
936: Boxes. Flashy boxes.
D: Ooops, must have hit that button instead. I'll send it over again.

936: 936 arrival. And hey, the fourth re-encode was actually legible!


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## ILemt (Jul 21, 2008)

Dispatch:
XXX Ambulance respond code three to 123 Main for a twenty year old female bleeding heavily.

A: 10-4, show us enroute

D: Ambulance XXX enroute 1908, caller states she has been stabbed in her crotch, she claims she cannot get the object out.... she is bleeding heavily.

A: Uh... 10-4...uh... dispatch, has PD been notified?

D: Negative, caller states the object is a sex toy.

A: Uh... _10-4 dispatch, thank you_


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## aussieemt1980 (Jul 25, 2008)

Ok, I have it from the dispatcher side:

*D (me): starlight, sitrep over.
Another cs (not the one I was looking for): it is really dark because it is cloudy and I cannot see the starlight, but the moon was pretty before...*
Damn if I did not get out of my chair, get in my car and go out and slap this individual...

And another one I am responsible for:

"*State Comms, this is 46, Sanity Check, over..."

About 30 minutes later, the comms super tapped on my window, because I sent it over the WHOLE communications network for the Melbourne metro area for the agency I was working with...*


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## EMT hopeful (Jul 30, 2008)

*Lmfao*

those were just to damn funny...i have a feeling im gonna love this job


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## gillysaurus (Aug 1, 2008)

These are absolutely hilarious! I've literally LOL'd many times reading this thread.

(Un)fortunately, my county has a zero-tolerance policy for unnecessary radio traffic. The most exciting thing I've heard was a fire lieutenant request the ambulance pick up donuts on their way to a stand-by. My medic almost lost it!


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## TransportJockey (Aug 1, 2008)

I love being on nights for a reason  (Other than the fact that I'm sitting here in the rig staged typing this)
My company gets away with lots of unnessesary radio trafffic at night, and some of it is damned funny listening to the ALS rig


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## LE-EMT (Aug 1, 2008)

its funny.  I just wish you all could come and spend a day in dispatch with me.  but since you cant picture this with me.........  
Sitting in a room you have about 5 people with in 10 ft of you all dispatching and answering phones as well.  then 20 ft away from you have fire and interfacitlity which is 5 people atleast respectively. so thats about 15 people plus you add another say 5 people just because.   Add 5-6 radios playing all different radio stations and people talking.  CAD and baker (computer aided dispatch and phone /radio systems) BEEPING in your ears.  Ohhhhhh and you guys doing your jobs that means any where from 5-30 ambos responding to traffic.  you combine that all together and what do you have???? chaos and at its best its only slightly organized.  I laugh because its funny, because I understand some of it and partially because I know how they feel.  But some of the stuff that is said I laugh because I don't know what else to do.  

I understand your jobs are difficult you are out in the heat and the cold dealing with the blood and the guts the vomit and the poopie. all the other nasty crap.  but I say to you please bare with your friendly neighborhood dispatcher because trust me we could make your lives hell.  That and I know most of you would never want to do our jobs.


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## ILemt (Aug 2, 2008)

Actually I would LOVE the chance to work county dispatch, but I have never been able to talk and type at the same time.
Otherwise I'd either be *running* the dispatch center in a week or get fired for insubordination to my incompetent superiors


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## BBFDMedic28 (Aug 2, 2008)

Dispatchers are evil, but the things they say are so funny.


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## rhan101277 (Aug 5, 2008)

jtpaintball70 said:


> I love being on nights for a reason  (Other than the fact that I'm sitting here in the rig staged typing this)
> My company gets away with lots of unnessesary radio trafffic at night, and some of it is damned funny listening to the ALS rig



You get to take a laptop on the rig?  I was hoping to use mine to help me find places.  I have streets and trips.


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## jamiga (Aug 5, 2008)

Two ambulances leaving the scene for a lift assist. 

Unit A to Unit B: "Unit B, be advised, your back door is open"

Unit B to Unit A: "Why you lookin' at my back door pervert?"


Yeah... wow.


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## JJR512 (Aug 6, 2008)

CrazyRower said:


> I unfortunately wasn't there for this one, but it's kinda funny anyways.
> 
> Dispatch: Rescue 1, respond to the Xth floor of Dorm X for a student who has been executed
> 
> ...



Executed or electrocuted, either way, the person is dead, so why bother responding?

(Not sure what I mean? Look up "electrocute" in any dictionary!)


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## fma08 (Aug 6, 2008)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEsaI-cS-kI&feature=related

Not really the dispatcher saying something funny, just that they have to put up with all kinds of different B.S.


A recent one I just heard:

Central: Central to ambulance
Ambulance: Go ahead central
Central: Can you send a unit to 123 Main St., we need an eval for an officer, 123 Main St. .......... and it is an officer requesting an eval not an eval for an officer......


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## JessEMT983 (Aug 6, 2008)

Lol, FF/EMT Sam, what part of VA are you in? Some of those dispatcher tales sound like our dispatchers. I do have to give them credit though, I don't know that I could do it.


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## TheAfterAffect (Aug 7, 2008)

Heh, I love dispatchers with a sense of humor;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB4pOuY37ZM&feature=related

"Do you want us to come over and shoot her?"

*pause*


xD


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## gnh2276 (Sep 2, 2008)

*Dispatchers*

Do any of you have a problem with dispatchers not knowing where to send you but not only that they refuse to admit they dont know


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## EMTCop86 (Sep 10, 2008)

this isn't from a dispatcher but from a cop. i posted a thread in another forum about crazy things that are said of the radio and this was one of the responses



> Originally Posted by D.o.D cop
> One of my partners responded to a stray dog call one night. Partner arrives on scene and began to chase this four legged fiend in his patrol car, sometimes hopping out to try and coral this dog.
> 
> Quick side plot: I once got a rottweiler dog cornered for the unknownth time and attempted to capture it as I was tired of it escaping it's yard and turning it over to the local shelter. The dog constantly cornered folks in an aggressive manner, in their own yards. I call a a "Master K-9" handler out to assist. He pulls taser as he approaches the dog, the dog stands up, raises lip and fur, growling, and approaches this self proclaimed "K-9 Handler". The K-9 officer turns and takes off running. Eventually another Officer arrives on scene, opens his back door and says "Want to go for a ride?". The dog's behavior changes from aggressive to happy and hops right on it. I then tell the handler and partner that if only I knew that all I had to do was ask nicely...
> ...


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## traumateam1 (Sep 10, 2008)

Ever head the call "we have a flopper at the whopper"? I don't remember if I saw it on the internet or something, or if it was an actual call that a unit got.


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## Jeremy89 (Sep 10, 2008)

traumateam1 said:


> Ever head the call "we have a flopper at the whopper"? I don't remember if I saw it on the internet or something, or if it was an actual call that a unit got.



No, but I heard one today of ALOC at "Kentucky Fried Chicken", with full southern accent... it was pretty funny, especially considering how boring he sounded the few calls before.


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## rjz (Sep 14, 2008)

I used to work in a very rural area and would always find joy in telling dispatch I was in the "metro" area of said town when asked for my location.


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## Scout (Sep 15, 2008)

Some people are special


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## Grady_emt (Sep 17, 2008)

262, respond Code 1, ### New Town Circle, multiple victims assaulted with a can of chili"

Me "radio, we're clear on the call, you advise multiple persons assaulted... with a can of chili?"

Radio "62, that's correct, victim advises that she was assaulted with either a can of chili, or sloppy joe mix she was unsure.  Also advises her child was possibly injured by the item. APD has the call, supervision and Fire are also enroute secondary multiple victims"

My size up was "262 radio, we are onscene, we have one adult, one pediatric patient assaulted with a can of Hormel Chili, you can cancel Fire and Supervision, we will be out about 10 minutes getting two refusals.":wacko:

After his 4th attept to key up without lauging, "62, radio copies, canceling all other responding units on a chili assault"



They had the same baby daddy, one threw the can of chili, it hit a brick wall and sprayed chili over the two patients


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## BossyCow (Sep 17, 2008)

> After his 4th attept to key up without lauging, "62, radio copies, canceling all other responding units on a chili assault"




So, I gotta ask.. was the can of chili charged with assault?


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## Airwaygoddess (Sep 17, 2008)

*Hot can?*

Must have been a "hot call"!  ^_^


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## IrishEMT (Sep 19, 2008)

Ambulance 1: Ambulance 1 to Ambulance 2. What is the status of your unit?
Ambulance 2: Ambulance 2 to Ambulance 1. My unit is back in service.


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## Buzz (Sep 19, 2008)

Got dispatched the other night for a priority 1 respiratory distress with a lights and sirens drive time (lot of freeway driving) of what should have been 30 minutes. Called into dispatch after confirming that it was actually a priority 1 only to be told that yeah, they were aware of our current location when the call came in and that we were the only available unit. Came in the next morning and the morning dispatchers were listening to the recording of us calling into the office and laughing that we actually called in to confirm that we were going that far :glare: Seemed odd to me...


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## traumateam1 (Sep 19, 2008)

Wow! 30 minutes for a Priority 1 Resp. Distress? Jeez... isn't the ideal time for a Code 3 or Priority 1 like 7-12 minutes. I would of hated to be the person barely able to breath having dispatch say it would be 30 minutes... 
How was your patient Buzz? Everything work out okay?


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## Sasha (Sep 20, 2008)

traumateam1 said:


> Wow! 30 minutes for a Priority 1 Resp. Distress? Jeez... isn't the ideal time for a Code 3 or Priority 1 like 7-12 minutes. I would of hated to be the person barely able to breath having dispatch say it would be 30 minutes...
> How was your patient Buzz? Everything work out okay?



It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.


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## imurphy (Sep 20, 2008)

Not to go too off post, but in Galway, Ireland, response time for AS1 (Top priority, lights and sirens) can be 90 minutes. Just because of how far out in the sticks they are! 

As I heard from a comedian before, "Don't complain about ambulance response times if you choose to live so far away from civilisation!"


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## Buzz (Sep 20, 2008)

traumateam1 said:


> Wow! 30 minutes for a Priority 1 Resp. Distress? Jeez... isn't the ideal time for a Code 3 or Priority 1 like 7-12 minutes. I would of hated to be the person barely able to breath having dispatch say it would be 30 minutes...
> How was your patient Buzz? Everything work out okay?



He was alive, but circling the drain when we got there. While I was setting up the nonrebreather, his eyes rolled back into his head and he barely responded to a hard sternal rub. Lost pulse for about 5 seconds and it spontaneously returned. Showed up to the hospital and the doc was in a generally :censored::censored::censored::censored:ty mood. My partner went over to get started on our next patient since they stacked a call on us and I was finishing up the PCR at the nurse's station. I heard the doc say something to one of the nurses along the lines of "I'm tired of all these ambulance crews calling priority 1s in that are really a two."  (They just got another priority 1 for pt choking). Doc walks back toward the staff room and a nurse comes walking out of the room of our patient and tells someone at the desk to page respiratory and the doc because the patient was crashing. Didn't get to go back that night and see what the outcome was though.



Sasha said:


> It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
> Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.



This was in a very populated area in Metro Detroit. Our ETA from the scene to the closest hospital was 5-10 minutes. Before this, our longest response time was about 10-15 minutes and we thought we'd never top that.


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## traumateam1 (Sep 20, 2008)

sasha said:
			
		

> It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
> Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.



Well two things:
First - I wasn't judging at all, just wondering. I don't judge usually and this is one of the times that I *was not* judging.
Second - The post wasn't ment to sound condescending, I don't know why you took it that way, I was just surpirsed that it took 30 minutes for a high prioirty call. So no need to be "quick to judge" here.

Obviously I know there not gonna set up a fire hall for 3 houses spaced a few miles apart. I was just surprised at how long it took.

Anyways sorry to Buzz if my post sounded judgmental or condescending, because it was neither.
Take care!


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## reaper (Sep 20, 2008)

Sasha said:


> It all depends on where you live. There are places here in Florida, out in the sticks, that have a 30 minute response time because they live soooooo far away from everything. What are you going to do, set up a fire station in the boonies for three houses that are spaced miles apart?
> Dont be so quick to judge. Your post sounded really condescending.



I wouldn't setup a Fire station anyways! I may station an ambulance closer to the Boonies, to reduce the response times. It is done all over FL. There are stations that may run 3 calls a month, but they are there for the "just in case" times.


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## Scout (Sep 20, 2008)

imurphy said:


> Not to go too off post, but in Galway, Ireland, response time for AS1 (Top priority, lights and sirens) can be 90 minutes. Just because of how far out in the sticks they are!





Galway 90 min???

That would be extreme, very extreme


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## Paranini (Sep 21, 2008)

Dispatch:  Medic 145 P2 for ingestion @ Bal's Liquor
Medic 145: Copy, en route. Confirm Bal's Liquor?
Dispatch:  That's affirm, pt states he swallowed something funny while working.
Medic 145:  I bet he did


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## BOPDCTEMT (Sep 21, 2008)

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


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## traumateam1 (Sep 21, 2008)

*LOL!!!* Those are great!!


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## Buzz (Sep 21, 2008)

traumateam1 said:


> Well two things:
> First - I wasn't judging at all, just wondering. I don't judge usually and this is one of the times that I *was not* judging.
> Second - The post wasn't ment to sound condescending, I don't know why you took it that way, I was just surpirsed that it took 30 minutes for a high prioirty call. So no need to be "quick to judge" here.
> 
> ...



Eh, I didn't find that post to be at all condescending. I thought that a 30 minute lights and sirens response sounded a little weird too considering that this isn't the boonies, which is why we called into the station to make sure they knew we were so far away. 






Partner: So ________ isn't on the dialysis board anymore...
Dispatcher: *looks at board with quizical look on his face for a few seconds* He probably died.

I found that funny for some reason...


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## Melanie77 (Nov 12, 2008)

That is so funny


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## Buzz (Nov 13, 2008)

Radio starts making all sorts of weird noises, then dispatcher comes on...

I grab the radio and reply..

Dispatcher: "Uh.. crap... I hit a button and needed to make sure the radios still worked."


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## emtsteve87 (Nov 13, 2008)

D:KDP395 to all Ischua Ambulance recievers, BLS-EMS ambulance requested to *** Wheat Rd for a 65 year old man who cannot get it up.
A: Ischua 8 to KDP395, nature of the call again?
D: 65 year old man who cannot get it up
A: Ischua 8 5-9 to man who cannot get IT up
D: 10-4 Ischua 8

(while enroute)

D: Uhhhh Ischua 8, correction: your patient fell off a two story building and possibly broke his back, he cannot get up.
A: 10-4 KDP395, expediting our response.


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## Sasha (Nov 13, 2008)

Hehe! Backstory:
Sunday I was sleeping on the 24 hour shift, in the wee hours of the morning, I suddenly woke, grabbed the nextel (what we use to dispatch on the 24 hour shift.) and spoke into it, telling the dispatcher to go ahead.
Dispatcher said he hadnt signaled us, go back to sleep.
So I told him sorry, I must be hallucinating, and went back to bed.

So today said dispatcher was working, I put us into service and over the radio my dispatcher was all:

Good morning Sasha. Lovely day, isnt it? Have any more hallucinations?

Jerk


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## Tincanfireman (Nov 13, 2008)

Work this job long enough and it will happen to you. I have awakened, dressed, driven code three to the (closed, locked, silent) station and put the truck in service.  

Dispatch- "Uh, *** call dispatch, extension 1234"

(Call dispatch) "We didn't tone you; how was the rest of the dream?" *snickers*

Ya can't hate them; it's their 3am too...


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## Grady_emt (Nov 13, 2008)

Yep, guilty of that one as well.  We are dispatched on 1 channel and switch to channel 2 for case info and further.

Some O-dark-30 in the morning midway into a 36 hour shift because of an ice storm. I was having a deep thought(read as dream) session.  Thought we got a call, switched to channel 2 and asked the dispatcher to signal 5(repeat) the address.  She oh so kindly responded "62, return to channel 1 and your previous status with Sugarplum Fairies and Ginger Bread Houses"


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## Buzz (Nov 16, 2008)

Extremely slow night, we got sent out to someone in respiratory distress at 0300. We get the patient packaged and I grab the radio to contact the hospital and this happens: 

Me: HEMS radio. HEMS radio. This is Bravo _____ how do you copy?

HEMS Operator: HEMS copies. Go ahead Bravo. 

Me: Priority 3 traffic to Henry Ford Fairlane.

HEMS Operator: Come in Botsford.. (another hospital not even remotely in the same area) 

Me: HEMS, the call was to HENRY FORD FAIRLANE

Botsford: Bostford online.

HEMS Operator: I have Bravo____ with priority 3 traffic. Go ahead Bravo.

Me: HEMS, We we requested Fairlane.

HEMS Operator: Damn... crap.. *uncontrollable laughing* Botsford, please disregard that. (almost impossible to understand) HEMS calling Fairlane.



My patient was looking at me like "WTF is going on?" It was late or really early. I think that HEMS operator must have been half asleep.


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## Hannah.911 (Nov 18, 2008)

*Dispatch*

The hx behind this, was that the dispatcher had just been laid off the previous day, and was required to finish out her two weeks....and was none too happy about it. (Location Atlanta, GA)



Truck: Dispatch, we're 10-8. 
Dispatch: 10-4, Please post at 2354 Road Runner Ave Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Truck: :blink: Uh.....repeat?
Dispatch: Please post in New Mexico.
Truck: .....*silence*......10-4 Dispatch.


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## Shishkabob (Dec 24, 2008)

From my clinical time;

Dispatch- Medic 63
M63- Go ahead
D- You have a priority 3 call, a severely dead patient.


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## guamie (Feb 19, 2009)

irishemt said:


> ambulance 1: Ambulance 1 to ambulance 2. What is the status of your unit?
> Ambulance 2: Ambulance 2 to ambulance 1. My unit is back in service.



hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahah


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## TransportJockey (Feb 19, 2009)

Hannah.911 said:


> The hx behind this, was that the dispatcher had just been laid off the previous day, and was required to finish out her two weeks....and was none too happy about it. (Location Atlanta, GA)
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I think I've staged there


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## HasTy (Feb 19, 2009)

So I was being an extreme scanner buff...almost said something else anyway... so my story was not even a call being dispatched...I hear the :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: son of a :censored: stole my credit card refused to pay his child support to me and then he didnt pay for the hotel room....we hear "ECC from Bat 12: you have an open mike"  then you hear a bunch of rustling oh :censored: click....


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## Aidey (Feb 19, 2009)

I have two good ones 


Fire department was toned out code for a MVA, unknown injuries, unknown entrapment. I think the dispatcher must has been on the phone and radio at the same time and not paying attention to what she was saying. 

Ambulance: Dispatch, this is Unit 123 do you have an update?
Silence....
Ambulance: Dispatch, this is Unit 123 do you have an update? 
Pause
Dispatch: We're online with the caller now........Caller states he didn't see it happen.......two vehicles........he states it's a big a$$ wreck.....
Pause
Ambulance: Umm, copy dispatch, big a$$ wreck! 


This one is from a wildland fire I was working. They were very paranoid about this fire getting out of control so they stuck 150 of us in the middle of a swamp for 2 weeks, and it rained the whole time. 

The other medic and I were putting in our supply order, and as a joke we added to the bottom a special request, not expecting the supply manager to actually read it over the radio, but my guess is that she was reading it, without actually comprehending it. 

Supply : 1 each blah, 5 each blah, 3 each blah
Dispatch : Copy 1 each blah, 5 each blah, 3 each blah. 
Supply: 150 each life jackets, 2 each of every animal.....
Dispatch..........................*hysterical laughter*

(at this point supply is glaring at the other medic and I)

Dispatch: (with more hysterical laughter in the background) So, I take it you guys are getting a little rain out there?


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## JonTullos (Feb 19, 2009)

I was at the weekly meeting for the VFD I'm in the process of joining and their EMRs got toned out for a possible heart attack.  While I was hanging out in the truck bay with some of the other guys (I couldn't ride because I'm not officially a member until after I'm voted on and plus I'm not a first responder anyway) another department got toned out for a medical assist.  The dispatch went something like this:  (tones)  "Attention Quitman fire department EMRs:  Need you to respond to 213 Franklin Street because someone fell out.  This is your first page for someone who fell out at 213 Franklin Street."  As a former dispatcher, I couldn't believe that someone actually used the term "fell out" on the air for a dispatch.  I got a good chuckle out of it and the other guys looked at my funny.

We southerners are weird.


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## Aidey (Feb 20, 2009)

Thats awesome  

I had never heard the term "fell out" before I went on my internship and a patient told me she "done fell out" and me being totally clueless I asked "Fell out of what?" 

My preceptor had quite the laugh at me.


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## emtfarva (Feb 20, 2009)

ok, what does "fell out" mean?


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## reaper (Feb 20, 2009)

That is "DFO", Done Fell Out!

It means that they fainted.


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## emtfarva (Feb 20, 2009)

thanks.........


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## JJR512 (Feb 20, 2009)

Maybe it's the severe lack of sleep getting to me, but at this moment, the last five posts--in particular, the last three--have really had me chuckling, occasionally laughing hysterically, for the last several minutes.


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## Hannah.911 (Feb 20, 2009)

Yesterday I was on the radio and meant to say 10-4, and ended up telling my unit they were 10-ROUTE. :blush:


My only excuse to the dispatcher that was training me was that it sounded like "en route". 

I don't think she bought it. It was just retarded.


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## Epi-do (Feb 20, 2009)

After being dispatched for a mental emotional patient:

Dispatch:  Medic X, be advised police have been to this location multiple times today.  The patient  states there are clowns outside her house, trying to steal her car.

Medic X:  Clear.  We will be on the lookout for clowns.

Dispatch:  Medic X, I understand they like to run up to small children and give them hugs.  They can be quite scary.


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## emtskibum (Feb 23, 2009)

Dispatcher: Unitxxx respond to .... for a domestic, Husband states Wife is acting irrational.
Unit: 10.80, how irrational is the wife?
Dispatcher: how irrational are wifes usually?
Unit:Oh Boy.
Unknown Female Unit: Heeeeeyyy Now!!!!!!!!!


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## benkfd (Feb 23, 2009)

*Dispatchers!!!!!!!!!! Can work without them...can't shoot em'*

I work for a county wide service and we use a modified system status management. Earlier today one of the other trucks gets paged out on a run, we waited a few minutes so they could call enroute and to see if dispatch wanted us to move to cover that side of the county.  Within 3-5 minutes of the other truck going enroute dispatch still hadn't told us whether or not to move.  My partner commented to me that she wondered if we should move or not.  NO MORE THAN 30 SECONDS LATER THE PHONE IN THE QUARTERS RINGS... it was dispatch asking us " Are you headed to the East side of the county yet?" 


  Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture!?
LOL
Ben


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## Summit (Feb 23, 2009)

emtskibum said:


> Dispatcher: Unitxxx respond to .... for a domestic, Husband states Wife is acting irrational.
> Unit: 10.80, how irrational is the wife?
> Dispatcher: how irrational are wifes usually?
> Unit:Oh Boy.
> Unknown Female Unit: Heeeeeyyy Now!!!!!!!!!



awesome! LOL


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## Buzz (Feb 23, 2009)

reaper said:


> That is "DFO", Done Fell Out!
> 
> It means that they fainted.



One of my dispatchers was telling us of the funniest radio report she'd ever overheard at a hospital. Apparently one of the area's more... low-class... fire departments called in to the hospital with a newly delivered baby. The report they gave? "The baby done fell out her snatch!" 


I know, it's not a dispatcher saying something funny... but still very funny.


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## brice (Mar 9, 2009)

dispatcher's, to say the least have alot going and also i could not even begin to think about doing there job. I have a ton of respect for them.


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## Silverstone (Mar 9, 2009)

brice said:


> dispatcher's, to say the least have alot going and also i could not even begin to think about doing there job. I have a ton of respect for them.



You are my new best friend. B)


Here's a couple good ones:

Dispatch: "Adam 37 _be advised_ CPR in progress."
Medic: "Lovely..."

Fire Dispatch: "Engine 3 repeating your address: (bla bla bla) 40 year old female c/o chest pain on Fire 2" (Fire 2 is a radio frequency)
Fire Engine: "Well tell them to put her out!" 

Medic: "St Lukes Trauma A-44, Pt report"
St Lukes: "This is Lukes go away"
Medic: "Uhm..."
St Lukes: "I'm sorry I meant go ahead......"

Dispatch: "A-39 you are responding for an elderly female with a sudden gravity attack, this will be a hot response."
Medic: "Co....o....py...." (inbetween chuckles.)

PD Dispatch: "Apparently this domestic is between (girls name) and her baby daddy."
Officer: "Oh joy."


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## lightsandsirens5 (Mar 10, 2009)

Silverstone said:


> Fire Dispatch: "Engine 3 repeating your address: (bla bla bla) 40 year old female c/o chest pain on Fire 2" (Fire 2 is a radio frequency)
> Fire Engine: "Well tell them to put her out!"




That is great!

 I love being a firefighter/emt! You see, we are the only ones who think of using 150 psi of water when a patient is c/o buring pain!


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## fmrpddisp (Mar 15, 2009)

Got a good one for this one... both of what I said as a dispatcher and what the engine said as they cleared!!!

I actually answered 911 for this and dispatched the engine company to this call... A guy called because he was pissing on the side of a building (0300) and managed to zip himself up when he was finished. Straight up "There's Something About Mary" style. Dispatch went something like this:

"Channel 5 EMS Assignment for Engine 1 for a male patient that has zipped himself up..."

When the engine cleared it was:

"Engine 1 available, patient has been extricated."


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## Medic506 (Apr 23, 2009)

Downtown we have a Chinese restaurant called The China Boy.  One night, a busboy was taking garbage to the alley behind the building and was attacked.  The Medic dispatch went something like this...

Dispatcher: Medic 10 from MED-COM 10, 10-39 for an assault in the rear of the China boy.

Medic Employees: O_O!

That's been a few years and was before my time, but every time someone asks for a funny story, EVERYONE tells this one!


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## thatJeffguy (Oct 24, 2009)

Sorry to dredge up this old thread...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLkOddgjYuY&feature=related

Not specifically dispatcher related, but quite humorous.


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## Onceamedic (Oct 25, 2009)

on my shift last night...

Dispatcher:1175 -  You are enroute to a 30 year old female chief complaint pelvic pain.  Please 21 dispatch (call on the cel )

Me: copy dispatch (call 'em on the cel)

on cel phone
Me: Hey - it's Kaisu in 1175 - what's up?
Dispatch:  you are going to love this.  She says she's got a plastic thingy coming out of her whoo whoo...
Me: No kidding?  You want me to call you after the call and tell you what it was?
Dispatch:  Noooooooo thanks.

Me to my partner :  God I hope she's clean
My partner (male) :  I hope she's hot

both together :  Yeah right (knowing the odds of either are practically nil)


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## Sasha (Oct 25, 2009)

Kaisu said:


> on my shift last night...
> 
> Dispatcher:1175 -  You are enroute to a 30 year old female chief complaint pelvic pain.  Please 21 dispatch (call on the cel )
> 
> ...




So what was it?


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## Onceamedic (Oct 25, 2009)

Sasha said:


> So what was it?



Trust you Sasha LOL

It was actually a legitimate call.  The object was a dislodged kidney stent that was working it's way out of the lady's urethra, causing ureter, bladder and urethra spasms and 8/10 pelvic pain, not to mention urinary incontinence.  She had had surgery for kidney stones a week and a half earlier.  

Transported the patient in a position of comfort, treated with Zofran and morphine.


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## nemedic (Oct 26, 2009)

Kaisu said:


> Me to my partner :  God I hope she's clean
> My partner (male) :  I hope she's hot



Well............?


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## Onceamedic (Oct 26, 2009)

nemedic said:


> Well............?



LOL...  she was clean


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## traumamama (Oct 26, 2009)

Our communications center paged out an ambulance service that is 120 miles from us at 3am. We hear all pages for the services that come from the comm center. They asked LVAS to respond to a 50 yoa chest pain at a Basin Creek Campground. A few minutes later our dispatcher toned us to that call!! I LL the dispatcher and asked her if someone had called her and she told me no. I advised her that the comm center was toning LVAS! She said are you sure-they asked if anyone else was responding and when no one answered I thought I had better tone it out!! I was soooo tempted in the beginning to just call in that I was responding and ask for directions to the scene and the call back number!  She would not have been able to give me any info since she did not have it! It was not even her call!  Is my scene safe when she is dispatching??? NOT:sad:


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