# Dating and beyond in EMS



## LucidResq (Oct 18, 2008)

Ok, I realize this topic has probably been beaten to death in some old, dusty thread but I want to revive it. 

Back story: I went to donate blood the other day and the phleb was gorgeous - a former army medic. We chatted it up quite a bit and I came very, very, very close to asking him out, but didn't, because I didn't want to put him in an awkward situation on the job (and because I'm a coward). 

So I have a few questions for everyone. 

If you were single and had an attractive patient slip you their phone number, would you call them later? If they were someone you would definitely date if you had met them say, through a friend or at the gym, does meeting them as their care provider make them automatically off limits? 

Thoughts on coworkers dating? Even if they keep the relationship away from work - what happens if they have a nasty split? 

How about other public safety folks that you work with on a regular basis? Is it acceptable to ask that cute firefighter for a date after the fire's out? How about the ER nurse? 

What are your boundaries when it comes to patients, colleagues and coworkers?


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## KEVD18 (Oct 18, 2008)

if a patient initiated contact, i would probably pursue. but its highly inappropriate for an emt to solicit a patient.

as far as coworkers go, daters beware! it get ugly fast and doesn't go away. the worst combination is is dating your partner. you have no objectivity when they make a mistake. you have no escape. you see them at work, and at home and at the company parties etc etc. and if one of you is a supervisor, oh lordy do the problems mount.

tertiary personnel: good and bad can come of this. as long as you dont see them every day for extended periods of time, it can work out even after the break up as long as you both act like adults. put childish behavior in the mix and it gets ugly. i dated a nurse on one of the floors i used to do ift's from. id see her at least weekly. getting a useful report out of her for like a month after was like getting blood from a stone.

now theres an exception to every rule. there are couples that work a rig together and are happy as clams. but they are the exception, not the rule in my experience


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## imurphy (Oct 18, 2008)

God. No. There's my 2c.

But I'll got for the full dollar with a story!

I used to date a girl I worked with about 3 years ago. All was well, all was fine. We had a great relationship because we both understood each other. 

Then however, she cheated on me with a lad from another station. We obviously broke up. For some reason we were put on with each other for the next 2 weeks (damn dispatchers!) and I can tell you that the cab is a VERY VERY VERY small place 10 hours a day!

Althought we became friends after and she's now one of my best mates, but just because my story had a good ending, yours mightn't!

As for dating RN's, well lets just say a lad from my station dated his share of nurses and he can't go into certain EDs without a really warm jacket from all the icy stares!


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## Hastings (Oct 19, 2008)

No to all.

Have dated nurses and nursing students, but never anyone I had to work closely with on a daily basis. Certainly never a patient.


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## GregEMT19 (Oct 19, 2008)

probably should be avoided if at all possible, i've had a couple bad situations...  especially in this line of work, there needs to be absolute team work between all parties involved.


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## el Murpharino (Oct 19, 2008)

Don't dip your pen in the company ink...that includes other employees and patients.


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## Ridryder911 (Oct 19, 2008)

I say go for it !.. I have nearly three divorce decrees and a bankruptcy note to prove the effectiveness. Not to mention the dozens of ex-friends that had make a choice to which to remain a friend to and not to mention the passion when you have to work beside them or see them in between calls, have to admit administration and fellow crew members love to also deal with that! 

R/r 911


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## IrishEMT (Oct 19, 2008)

As long as you know the risks, go for it. You only fall in love with people you know.

Big no on the patients, though. That's pretty wildly inappropriate.


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## Epi-do (Oct 19, 2008)

Do not date anyone you work with!  Nothing good will come of it, and the two of you are NOT the only ones it affects.  I recently was temporarily reassigned due to a situation that has occurred at work - making me part of the "collateral damages" that have arisen because of it.

As for dating a patient....I think dating a co-worker would be a better decision (and it is one of the worst decisions you can make, IMO).


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## ffemt8978 (Oct 19, 2008)

Ridryder911 said:


> I have nearly three divorce decrees
> R/r 911



Nearly?  Sorry to hear that.


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## scottmcleod (Oct 19, 2008)

Knowing a (strikingly attractive) friend of mine who was a patient who had a nasty concussion (and a complication or two), who woke up in the back of a rig looking up at a georgeous blonde paramedic... not all stories end badly.

She came to check up on him a day later in the hospital, and one of the two asked the other out (though they were both thinking it.) Her schedule's pretty chaotic apparently, but he said he's happier than ever with her than he's been with any of his exes.

No numbers were exchanged on the rig, but there was some form of a more gradual "initiation" than bluntly asking each-other out. Risky, especially if the initiator of sorts is the paramedic, and male. (face it, regardless of "equality", society's got a scale that's out of weight)-- Definitely risking your career though...

... as for dating co-workers, I think it's already been said. I've worked in a few industries, and any time I've been involved with a co-worker of sorts, it's been rough terrain.

*>>> to sum up: I think it's a dangerous road to go down (any of the above situations), but if you feel strongly enough about it, and the other person offers the same body language and feelings and understands the risks and is willing to work (to make it work), it can be rewarding (and convenient!) <<<*

... because face it, we're not exactly always the most available of people (weird work hours, strange work stresses...etc...)


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## Flight-LP (Oct 20, 2008)

Date no, too much drama and potential for headache. Sex on the other hand..................

My wife was actually my preceptor years back. Lets just say it was one he!! of an orientation! Life is good..................


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## marineman (Oct 20, 2008)

My personal opinion is none of the above however we have a husband wife team that staff one of our day cars together and couldn't be happier. I feel it's all in the individuals ability to keep their home life at home and their work life at work but that's the same even if you aren't dating a coworker as I'm sure our patients don't care what argument you and your wife had this morning. 

As for dating the patient if they initiated contact I wouldn't have a problem with it but you best triple check that your I's are dotted and your T's are crossed. Like others have said about the fallout at work think of the fallout of a disgruntled ex who also happened to be a patient of yours, hopefully you have a good lawyer.


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## duffy87 (Oct 21, 2008)

LucidResq said:


> Thoughts on coworkers dating? Even if they keep the relationship away from work - what happens if they have a nasty split?
> 
> How about other public safety folks that you work with on a regular basis? Is it acceptable to ask that cute firefighter for a date after the fire's out? How about the ER nurse?
> 
> What are your boundaries when it comes to patients, colleagues and coworkers?



I feel as with my company, everyone that has "dated" or were invloved with each other now hate each other or make the work enviorment horrible.

The ones who were together before they started in the company are in more solid and get along better.

As far as it goes dating other public service people, it depends on you. Can you ask that _______ for a number without making it awkward and unprofessional?

In other words, think about your actions and how they will effect your job and work environment. 

Sense i just started in my career last year i have a very long time of classroom hours, training, WORK, and some well deserved time before i ever get to start a relationship again.


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## wolfwyndd (Oct 21, 2008)

el Murpharino said:


> Don't dip your pen in the company ink...that includes other employees and patients.


I couldn't have put it better myself!  

ANYONE I met on the job, even if it's a nurse or doctor or another firefighter from another station or a cop, is 'off limits' as far as dating or anything like that.


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## Sasha (Oct 21, 2008)

wolfwyndd said:


> I couldn't have put it better myself!
> 
> ANYONE I met on the job, even if it's a nurse or doctor or another firefighter from another station or a cop, is 'off limits' as far as dating or anything like that.



I think COWORKERS are off limits, as are patients, but me and this one ER doctor flirt everytime Im in his ER... Yeah, if he gave me his number or something Im darn sure not going to pass it up. Hes hot!


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## EMERG2011 (Oct 21, 2008)

Sasha said:


> I think COWORKERS are off limits, as are patients, but me and this one ER doctor flirt everytime Im in his ER... Yeah, if he gave me his number or something Im darn sure not going to pass it up. Hes hot!




Yup, one of the surgical residents in the ER here in DC gave me the cell number a week ago, and we ended up going on a date... Lets see how this goes!


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## el Murpharino (Oct 21, 2008)

It goes great until something bad happens between the two of you...or you get what's perceived as preferential treatment over your co-workers.  Anything that can create tension in the workplace is never a good thing.  If you have a bad break up with this doctor, I'm sure there will be some awkwardness when you need to talk to him.  But no matter what people say, you can't ignore what your feelings are telling you either...


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## Sasha (Oct 21, 2008)

el Murpharino said:


> It goes great until something bad happens between the two of you...or you get what's perceived as preferential treatment over your co-workers.  Anything that can create tension in the workplace is never a good thing.  If you have a bad break up with this doctor, I'm sure there will be some awkwardness when you need to talk to him.  But no matter what people say, you can't ignore what your feelings are telling you either...



Hey.. I shoot for preferential treatment in the ER. Thats why I carry spare pens for the nurses! Decreases your wait time for a bed.


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## Anomalous (Oct 21, 2008)

My wife says I am not allowed to date friends, co-workers or patients.  There goes my plans for the weekend.


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## reaper (Oct 21, 2008)

It's not for everyone, but it has worked for me!


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## Sapphyre (Oct 21, 2008)

Anomalous said:


> My wife says I am not allowed to date friends, co-workers or patients.  There goes my plans for the weekend.



hahaha, you know, my husband says the same thing.


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## MSDeltaFlt (Oct 21, 2008)

LucidResq said:


> Ok, I realize this topic has probably been beaten to death in some old, dusty thread but I want to revive it.
> 
> Back story: I went to donate blood the other day and the phleb was gorgeous - a former army medic. We chatted it up quite a bit and I came very, very, very close to asking him out, but didn't, because I didn't want to put him in an awkward situation on the job (and because I'm a coward).
> 
> ...



It depends on the vibe, Lucid.  It depends on the vibe.  I'm neither for it nor against it.


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## BossyCow (Oct 21, 2008)

Sapphyre said:


> hahaha, you know, my husband says the same thing.



A co-worker of one of my brothers asked him if I dated married men. His reply was... just one.. him... (pointing to my husband)

I've been out of the dating pool for over 20 years so I have no first hand experience. My husband and I have run some pretty gnarly calls together and we work really well as a team because we know each other so well. 

I've seen some sucessful match-ups in EMS. One friend was married to an EMT-P who died and some years later, married another one (15 years ago and still together) They are both in EMS but in different systems. 

One of the local EMT-Ps is married to one of the ER nurses and all the single medics hit on the gals in admissions at the local hospital. But, in a small town, no matter who you date, you are going to see them again and again and again and again. If you are mature, you'll get through it, if you aren't, it will be ugly.


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## ChargerGirl (Oct 22, 2008)

at my old job i dated a coworker. i had a crush on him forever and dated him while i worked there (restaraunt job) it was always business when we worked together and it was fine not great. switched jobs afterwhile because i was tired of covering his shifts so he could go fishing....we are still together and great even though i work else where which is better


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## emtashleyb (Oct 22, 2008)

I would say no. When I was in high school I dated a guy from another volly station and got crap about if from the stationed I was volunteering at. We broke up and remained friends but the amount of crap I got about being a traditor wasnt worth it. I had a few guys at my old company ask me out but I turned them down I figured not worth the drama and with my luck I would be branded the station slut if I had accepted. Not to mention my dad was in tight with the bigwigs and Im sure it would have gotten to him and well that would have been a fun discusion that Im glad I avoided. Anyway no I think its not a good idea


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## BLSBoy (Oct 26, 2008)

Date? Not really. Took one patient out who came back and gave me her number when I worked in the ER, but thats as far as it went. 

Now wild flings, well, thats a different story. 

As long as you are mature enough to understand what is expected in the relationship, go for it!

God knows I have had my share of fun.


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## EMTCop86 (Oct 26, 2008)

I would go against dating your coworkers. I had a personal experience that ended up horribly. That is when I learned to never crap where I eat! If you want to try it that is up to you, just know the consequences. As far as dating patients I would say that isn't a good idea either but I honestly don't know what I would do if the situation presented itself. Luckily I'm married so that won't be an issue for me.


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## BLSBoy (Oct 26, 2008)

EMTCop86 said:


> I would go against dating your coworkers. I had a personal experience that ended up horribly. That is when I learned to never crap where I eat!



If you consider dating or, uh, "messing around" crapping, perhaps you need to reevaluate a few things.....


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## EMTCop86 (Oct 27, 2008)

blsboy said:


> if you consider dating or, uh, "messing around" crapping, perhaps you need to reevaluate a few things.....


 
lol .......


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