# funny joke



## emt for life (Jun 30, 2011)

So did yall hear about the guy that was hit by a truck and lost his whole left side? he was all right


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## jmh (Jul 29, 2011)

a man walked into a bar... (waiting for laughter)


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## NomadicMedic (Jul 29, 2011)

jmh said:


> a man walked into a bar... (waiting for laughter)



You'd have thought he would have seen it.


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## johnrsemt (Aug 16, 2011)

to MM2A:   What isn't appropiate about a clean joke in a humor section?

 It wasn't EMS related  but I like to laugh and while at work I don't always talk about EMS.

  So lighten up and laugh,  if you can't laugh at anything else laugh at me;  heaven knows my partners (new and old, past and present) do and did.


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## abckidsmom (Aug 16, 2011)

mm2a said:


> i don't find that joke appropriate on this forum.



lol!


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## ffemt8978 (Aug 16, 2011)

johnrsemt said:


> to MM2A:   What isn't appropiate about a clean joke in a humor section?
> 
> It wasn't EMS related  but I like to laugh and while at work I don't always talk about EMS.
> 
> So lighten up and laugh,  if you can't laugh at anything else laugh at me;  heaven knows my partners (new and old, past and present) do and did.


MM2A is a troll...


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## Sasha (Aug 16, 2011)

ffemt8978 said:


> MM2A is a troll...



How cute MMiz had an impersonator.
Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk


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## Stephanie. (Aug 16, 2011)

Confucius say man who run behind car get exhausted.


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## SnaKiZe (Aug 16, 2011)

stephanie. said:


> confucius say man who run behind car get exhausted.



lol.


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## IRIDEZX6R (Aug 16, 2011)

When you get toned out at 0300... (chuckles)


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## EMT-23 (Aug 16, 2011)

ladies...feel safe at night...sleep with an EMT...


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## Cup of Joe (Aug 17, 2011)

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?

Surgeon: Only when you get my bill.


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## lightsandsirens5 (Aug 17, 2011)

Stephanie. said:


> Confucius say man who run behind car get exhausted.



Confucius also say: Man who run in front of car get tired. 


Sent from a small, handheld electronic device that somehow manages to consume vast amounts of my time. Also know as a smart phone.


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## Sasha (Aug 17, 2011)

EMT-23 said:


> ladies...feel safe at night...sleep with an EMT...



That wouldnt make me feel safe... i know the kind of whackerdoodles who work in ems.

Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk


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## Handsome Robb (Aug 17, 2011)

IRIDEZX6R said:


> When you get toned out at 0300... (chuckles)



Thats not funny... I need my beauty sleep


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## IRIDEZX6R (Aug 17, 2011)

And its always those 0300 calls that are the oddest.


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## sirengirl (Aug 17, 2011)

Sasha said:


> That wouldnt make me feel safe... i know the kind of whackerdoodles who work in ems.



this.




IRIDEZX6R said:


> When you get toned out at 0300... (chuckles)



When you get toned out 30 mins before shift change. 


Not quite EMS humor, but the day I was on a clinical and the station chief sent a picture of himself eating the steak and eggs my EMT had made for _him_self for breakfast.... while we were on a call.


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## slb862 (Aug 18, 2011)

Do you know how a pig gets to the hospital?

In a "Ham"bulance.    hahahahahahahah  a

My grandkids fall for that one all the time.  

Now one for the older kids here...

A guy goes to the ER, his complaint: "doctor, I have a small plastic horse, stuck in my rectum"
Doctor admits the guy to the hospital... say his condition is "stable"
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Have a great weekend.


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## NomadicMedic (Aug 18, 2011)

Confucius say, "Man who fart in church sit in own pew"


---
- Sent from my iPhone.


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## dstevens58 (Aug 18, 2011)

Motorcycle cop pulls lady gets pulled over for speeding.

Upon asking her for driver's license and insurance, the cop asked her what she did for a living.  She replied, "I'm a rectum stretcher," to which the cop asks her what that is.

She explains to him that she gradually stretches the rectum through various techniques and sometimes can reach a size of 72 inches.  The cop replies amazingly, "What on earth would you do with a 72 inch butthole?"

She replies, "Generally, you sit them on a motorcycle with a radar gun and tell them to write tickets."


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## dstevens58 (Aug 18, 2011)

President Clinton was walking through the white house with a pig under his arm.  A Secret Service Agent asked him about the pig, and he replied, "I got the pig for Hillary."

The Agent replied, "Nice trade, sir."


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## mediKate (Aug 18, 2011)

Definition of Medical Scopes of Practice:
(imagine your patient as a wooden barrel full of water... with a slow leak.)

EMR: puts a bucket under the leak.

EMT: Silicone!

EMT-P: patches the leak

Emerg. doc.: removes broken slats, and repairs the leak

Nurse: Hands doc. his tools, cleans barrel, and writes a 15 page report


First Aider: runs around in circles wildly screaming "Fire! Fire! Fire!"


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## pa132399 (Aug 18, 2011)

sirengirl said:


> this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




hey that just means some overtime for the full timers and another hour for pt/per diems


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## Cup of Joe (Aug 18, 2011)

Sasha said:


> That wouldnt make me feel safe... i know the kind of whackerdoodles who work in ems.
> 
> Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk



Oh, come on...some of us are young, strong, and attractive.  Doesn't that count for something?


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## sirengirl (Aug 19, 2011)

Cup of Joe said:


> Oh, come on...some of us are young, strong, and attractive.  Doesn't that count for something?



You're joking right? Of 5 stations I went to and 9 stations combined of fire _and_ EMS personell, totalling roughly 30-35 men, I saw exactly TWO hot ones, one of whom was married.

So please, send all the young attractive ones my way  cause I've never seen one!


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## Cup of Joe (Aug 19, 2011)

sirengirl said:


> You're joking right? Of 5 stations I went to and 9 stations combined of fire _and_ EMS personell, totalling roughly 30-35 men, I saw exactly TWO hot ones, one of whom was married.
> 
> So please, send all the young attractive ones my way  cause I've never seen one!



This is still the humor section...right?  Maybe I give myself a little too much credit.


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## br10 (Aug 25, 2011)

lol


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## tommyG (Sep 27, 2011)

Why do firefighters spray water all over the place at a car accident? 
To give the EMT's something to walk on....


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## tommyG (Sep 28, 2011)

*Seventh Law*

The Seventh Law of EMS:
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.


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## ebassamore (Oct 7, 2011)

Stephanie. said:


> Confucius say man who run behind car get exhausted.



and man who run in front of car get tired


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## dstevens58 (Oct 7, 2011)

What do you call 
....a cow with both right legs cut off?  -----> Lean beef
....a cow with all four legs cut off? ----> Ground beef
....a man with no arms or legs in a pool? -----> Bob


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## McGoo (Oct 7, 2011)

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.


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## dstevens58 (Oct 7, 2011)

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. 

The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. 

Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. 

Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". 

Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." 

Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"


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## IRIDEZX6R (Oct 7, 2011)

Yea, so I used to work for *insert crappy private service here* *everbody laughs*


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## emt for life (Oct 8, 2011)

Wow this is so funny thanks for the enjoyment


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## mediKate (Oct 8, 2011)

A body builder in a ferrari accidentally rear-ends a dwarf who is driving a smart car.
The dwarf, who is understandably upset, marches over to the ferrari in a rage and bangs on the driver's window.

"I am NOT happy!" he screams up at the body builder as the window rolls down.

The body builder ponders this for a moment, and then replies,
"Then who are you?!?"
:rofl:


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