# What's the dumbest thing you've said to a patient?



## Dan216 (Apr 12, 2013)

I was taking a SAMPLE history the other day in the back of the bus, and asked the patient if they had allergies.

They said, "Nope, no allergies.. I am diabetic though."

I then said, "Oh so are you on albuterol?"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

I'm pretty new so I expect this will happen more. What's the dumbest thing you've ever said to a patient?


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## Medic Tim (Apr 12, 2013)

Back when I was a student I told a pt that was signing AMA she should eat something.... She would feel better .. Etc. turn out we were at a rehab facility for eating disorders..... I never realized until we were back in he truck and my preceptors broke out laughing what I did. It was 3 ish am and was our 17th call of they day. I was in the back and never heard the dispatch info. I thought we were in a drug rehab facility. 

my preceptors told everyone they ran into that night. Hey out student told a bulemic girl to eat a sandwich . 

Maybe you had to be here but it was humiliating and I feel really bad about it.


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## Dan216 (Apr 12, 2013)

Medic Tim said:


> Back when I was a student I told a pt that was signing AMA she should eat something.... She would feel better .. Etc. turn out we were at a rehab facility for eating disorders..... I never realized until we were back in he truck and my preceptors broke out laughing what I did. It was 3 ish am and was our 17th call of they day. I was in the back and never heard the dispatch info. I thought we were in a drug rehab facility.
> 
> my preceptors told everyone they ran into that night. Hey out student told a bulemic girl to eat a sandwich .
> 
> Maybe you had to be here but it was humiliating and I feel really bad about it.



:rofl:That's awesome Tim!


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## Meursault (Apr 13, 2013)

A recent stream-of-consciousness moment. Middle-aged male, no history, suddenly became incredibly dizzy while snowblowing (my money was on BPPV, but just an ambulance drivah, etc.).

"Any history in your family of arrhythmias or sudden death? Wow, that sounds really dramatic when I put it that way."
*looks up to see his wife turn a shade paler*


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## wannabeHFD (Apr 15, 2013)

I told a new mother of a something month old baby that had a febrile seizure that she was being erratic. Poor, poor choice of words....She *****ed me out good saying "Sir, I am NOT erratic! You would KNOW if I was being erratic!". I was too terrified to even apologize after that.


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## chaz90 (Apr 15, 2013)

wannabeHFD said:


> I told a new mother of a something month old baby that had a febrile seizure that she was being erratic. Poor, poor choice of words....She *****ed me out good saying "Sir, I am NOT erratic! You would KNOW if I was being erratic!". I was too terrified to even apologize after that.



Huh?


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## Handsome Robb (Apr 15, 2013)

Asked a Ground level fall patient with a massive hematoma on her forehead and a blown vessel in her eye if she hit her head when she fell.

I was a whiteshirt at the time, she looked at me like "aw cute he's a student and he's learning", fire laughed at me and my preceptor just shook his head and walked off.

This was after working as an I for about 5 months so it wasn't nervousness or inexperience. It was just a downright dumb question.

Asked a meth "OD" if he had done any drugs, after he told me he smoked a bunch of meth. What I meant to ask is he had done any other drugs. He didn't find the humor in my mistake, got angry and promptly got darted.


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## wannabeHFD (Apr 15, 2013)

chaz90 said:


> Huh?



I was trying to calm down a mother of a young child who just had a seizure. Calling her erratic was worse than telling your wife she looks fat in that dress while shes on her period.


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## chaz90 (Apr 15, 2013)

wannabeHFD said:


> I was trying to calm down a mother of a young child who just had a seizure. Calling her erratic was worse than telling your wife she looks fat in that dress while shes on her period.



I understand the problem in saying anything to a mother in that situation. I was really nitpicking the use of the word erratic more than anything else for no good reason. Sorry about that :/


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## Household6 (Apr 15, 2013)

Standing there with my handy-dandy notebook, "...aaand when is the baby due?"

She wasn't pregnant..


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## chaz90 (Apr 15, 2013)

Household6 said:


> Standing there with my handy-dandy notebook, "...aaand when is the baby due?"
> 
> She wasn't pregnant..



In my personal life, I won't even mention the "p word" unless she says it first. Just not an encounter I wish to experience.


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## Household6 (Apr 16, 2013)

chaz90 said:


> In my personal life, I won't even mention the "p word" unless she says it first. Just not an encounter I wish to experience.



I thought I was being all professional with my stethoscope around my neck, I had my smarty pants glasses on the end of my nose.. Nope.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE obstetrics, I got all excited that I had a pregnant patient..


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## Niesje (Apr 21, 2013)

Household6 said:


> Standing there with my handy-dandy notebook, "...aaand when is the baby due?"
> 
> She wasn't pregnant..



:blink: You're still alive??


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## TheLocalMedic (Apr 30, 2013)

During my internship I provided my preceptor with many great opportunities to laugh at me...

To a pregnant woman with abdominal pn: "And... How did you get pregnant?" (instead of _when_)

"What kind of bee stung you?"

And the all time winner:  "How old were you when you were born?" (in my defense it was 5 AM and I was very tired...)


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## Cody1911 (May 9, 2013)

When I first started I asked a patient who was disabled about his medical history and I was using medical terminology which is a big no no. I forgot what I said but he looked at me and said "I don't know what that is." 

At least I learned to only use medical terminology with co workers etc. We all learn from mistakes.


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## Sublime (May 10, 2013)

I'm sure i've said many dumb things to patients, but one in particular comes to mind. 

As an EMT student my preceptor was showing me how to listen to fetal heart tones. The fetal heart monitor was low on battery and turned off as I was trying to locate the heart tones.I blurted out "I think it's dead" as I still had the probe on her abdomen.

The young girls eyes got huge and my preceptor said "The machine not the baby" and gave me an odd look lol.


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## cruiseforever (May 10, 2013)

Asking the male in the house how old his mother is.  He said she is my wife.  There was at least 35 year age gap between the two.  Now I always ask, How are you related to the pt. before asking more detailed questions.


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## Handsome Robb (May 10, 2013)

cruiseforever said:


> Asking the male in the house how old his mother is.  He said she is my wife.  There was at least 35 year age gap between the two.  Now I always ask, How are you related to the pt. before asking more detailed questions.



That's their problem not yours. You add age differences in like that and you have to expect mistakes like that.


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## Achilles (May 10, 2013)

cruiseforever said:


> Asking the male in the house how old his mother is.  He said she is my wife.  There was at least 35 year age gap between the two.  Now I always ask, How are you related to the pt. before asking more detailed questions.



Hehe, I've done this. :blush:


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## 1979nd (May 20, 2013)

During my internship I was getting my sample opqrts on a pt that was 
"just feeling weak" nothing else.. I asked her " on a scale of 1-10 how weak are you?" 
God I felt so stupid when I realized what I asked her. I then looked up at my preceptor with him shaking his head at me trying not to laugh... Lucky my preceptor jumped in and redirected the conversation after that...


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## AjCapri (May 21, 2013)

Sublime said:


> I'm sure i've said many dumb things to patients, but one in particular comes to mind.
> 
> As an EMT student my preceptor was showing me how to listen to fetal heart tones. The fetal heart monitor was low on battery and turned off as I was trying to locate the heart tones.I blurted out "I think it's dead" as I still had the probe on her abdomen.
> 
> The young girls eyes got huge and my preceptor said "The machine not the baby" and gave me an odd look lol.



:rofl:


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## Glucatron (Jun 9, 2013)

Oh man, I've got plenty. Had a guy during my EMT clinicals with a liver that had herniated through his diaphragm. He was clearly in insane amounts of pain. I asked, " On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain in your life, where would you rate this?" You would not believe the look of loathing!

I also asked a tall, normal weight man for his weight. He said " 150". I asked, " kilograms or pounds?"


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## Dan216 (Jun 13, 2013)

Glucatron said:


> Oh man, I've got plenty. Had a guy during my EMT clinicals with a liver that had herniated through his diaphragm. He was clearly in insane amounts of pain. I asked, " On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst pain in your life, where would you rate this?" You would not believe the look of loathing!
> 
> I also asked a tall, normal weight man for his weight. He said " 150". I asked, " kilograms or pounds?"



Haha on the kilograms or pounds!


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## hogwiley (Aug 5, 2013)

I was doing an IFT for a younger patient who recently became a quadriplegic after an accident a couple months prior, and was now on a vent. The pt mentioned they had recently been outside in the hospital courtyard for the first time since the accident. 

I asked them if they enjoyed being out in the unusually warm weather we were having. The patient shot me a cold stare, and it instantly occurred to me they had no sensation in 90% of their body. After considering acknowledging that was a pretty stupid question, I decided to just keep my mouth shut.


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## TheLocalMedic (Aug 13, 2013)

We were treating a guy who got whacked over the head with a stick by his son-in-law after he decided to push his pregnant daughter.  My partner jumped in with a quick, "So, what did we learn today?"


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## IndyEMT (Aug 13, 2013)

I told a hospice patient with a bad heart to feel better... only later did I realize that the only way he'll feel better is by dying :sad:


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## Fortion (Aug 26, 2013)

Household6 said:


> Standing there with my handy-dandy notebook, "...aaand when is the baby due?"
> 
> She wasn't pregnant..



same thing happened to me.... but  the difference was it wasn`t a girl i said that dialouge it was an irritating fat patient


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## Fortion (Aug 26, 2013)

IndyEMT said:


> I told a hospice patient with a bad heart to feel better... only later did I realize that the only way he'll feel better is by dying :sad:



thats sad


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## NBFFD2433 (Oct 12, 2013)

One time I got on scene of a rollover accident. The patient was conscious and talking and I asked if she was in respiratory distress. My partner laughed.


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## blindsideflank (Nov 6, 2013)

We were picking up a patient to fly to his remote community then were supposed to head to another community to pick up another patient

In my defence, my partner was receiving the report but I should have picked on something with the patient when he thought the nurses stole all his stuff

As we are picking him up he asked, "so you just fly me back and come home?" and I replied, I think we head somewhere else to get someone after you" and he replied "you don't know where you are supposed to go" and I casually replied " I dunno, I just go where the ambulances computer tells me to go" ... I get a weird stare

My partner comes and tells me he is a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks the government is always after him.... Oops.


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## Leal271 (Nov 9, 2013)

While doing my ride along, went for a patient not feeling well. While doing a 12 lead, I was asking about PMH and the lady reported Parkinsons, it wasnt about 20 seconds later I told the lady she needs to stop shaking so we can get a good ekg.

I got the worst look from my preceptors, and then realized what I said. Needless to say I felt like crap after saying it.


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## SSwain (Nov 18, 2013)

Respond to a PNB. First responders are there doing chest compressions. My medic tells me to get pt hx  from sonwhile he calls medical control to call it DOA.
My first questions for the son is..."What _was_ his name?"

Yeah... I still look back at that one and hang my head. Rest assured, I have NVER asked that or a derivative of that question since.


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## Dan216 (Nov 19, 2013)

^^Those two are good.


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## Handsome Robb (Nov 19, 2013)

I used to be really overly apologetic when I said something dumb. It's kinda turned into, "sorry...haven't had my coffee yet today."

Not sure what that means.


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## Glucatron (Dec 12, 2013)

I had another "shining" moment just recently when I was transporting a borderline combative paranoid schizophrenic. I couldn't get vitals without riling him up so I practiced my verbal judo. So after an hour of conspiracy theories and crazy talk I managed to talk him into allowing me to take a pulse. He offers me his wrist. I'm not wearing a watch (broken) so I take out pulse ox and explain: (verbatim) " actually I'm going to take it with a probe instead..." (my partner is looking at me like, oh god you didn't) so I make a quick save, "that goes on your finger!" thankfully, my pt didn't freak the heck out!


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## anthonyccamargo (Jan 9, 2014)

lol i love these haha. always make my day


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## NJEMT95 (Jan 9, 2014)

I once asked a non-English-speaking patient's adult son if he could speak his mother's language. I only half realized what I was saying - I knew he could speak the language, but he was being uncooperative in translating.


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## TheLocalMedic (Jan 11, 2014)

Not something that I said, but a good story nonetheless.  

A dentist speaking to a paranoid schizophrenic: "Ah look, you have a chip in your tooth."

After which the guy was convinced the government was monitoring him through the said "chip" they had implanted in his tooth.


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## mipsyop (Jan 18, 2014)

*Duh*

Working as Imaging Assistant in Ultrasound and bringing a PT into the room, saying as I always do, "watch your fingers and toes" as they are usually holding the handrails on the carts and so on.......  Look to see the PT's wife laughing her @ss off.  I look at her sort of bewildered and she points to the foot end of the cart.....  PT was a dual at knee amputee!!!  I turned white and started appologizing.  He was cool about it though and said it was years ago and not to worry.  my coworkers still bust me out on that one!:wacko:


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## mipsyop (Jan 18, 2014)

DOH!?!?  lol


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## CPRinProgress (May 28, 2014)

We had a older woman who spoke no English.  I asked the daughter if she could ride in the ambulance to translate.  She said yes so I said, "good because I don't speak Spanish."  
She gave me a weird look and an LEO turned to me and said, "she is speaking in Polish."
Woops:rofl:


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## EMTTrainingResource (May 28, 2014)

That is too funny


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## TacomaGirl (Jun 23, 2014)

Haha, good ones.  I can't come up with something right off the bat, but after stand-up 24rs everything is hilarious and funny.  I don't know why.


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## Patch Adams (Jul 31, 2014)

Any one ever ask hand amputee when getting them on the hospital gurney if they needed a hand?:unsure:


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## LACoGurneyjockey (Jul 31, 2014)

To the diabetic bilateral amputee, "Ok let's just swing your legs up onto the gurney".


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## Brandon O (Oct 17, 2014)

Sublime said:


> I'm sure i've said many dumb things to patients, but one in particular comes to mind.
> 
> As an EMT student my preceptor was showing me how to listen to fetal heart tones. The fetal heart monitor was low on battery and turned off as I was trying to locate the heart tones.I blurted out "I think it's dead" as I still had the probe on her abdomen.
> 
> The young girls eyes got huge and my preceptor said "The machine not the baby" and gave me an odd look lol.



You did fetal heart monitoring on the ambulance?


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## NomadicMedic (Oct 19, 2014)

My best was while walking into a cardiac arrest. BLS was doing CPR and I wanted a quick story so I said, "Hey guys, what's going on?"

The look from the guys's wife was the pure death stare. 

Oops.


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## Brandon O (Oct 19, 2014)

DEmedic said:


> My best was while walking into a cardiac arrest. BLS was doing CPR and I wanted a quick story so I said, "Hey guys, what's going on?"
> 
> The look from the guys's wife was the pure death stare.
> 
> Oops.



"Oh, nothing much. Sup with you?"


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## TransportJockey (Oct 19, 2014)

Brandon O said:


> You did fetal heart monitoring on the ambulance?


Fetal heart tones just require a cheap Doppler. But then again our fixed wings have full fetal monitoring capabilities


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## STXmedic (Oct 19, 2014)

TransportJockey said:


> Fetal heart tones just require a cheap Doppler. But then again our fixed wings have full fetal monitoring capabilities


I just assumed sublime was referring to a hospital rotation... Don't know of any services, at least around here, that carry a Doppler


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## NomadicMedic (Oct 19, 2014)

STXmedic said:


> I just assumed sublime was referring to a hospital rotation... Don't know of any services, at least around here, that carry a Doppler



Just about every BLS fire engine in King county WA has one.


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## Brandon O (Oct 20, 2014)

DEmedic said:


> Just about every BLS fire engine in King county WA has one.



That's rad. For what purpose is it used?


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## Chimpie (Oct 20, 2014)

Let's get back on topic please.


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## NomadicMedic (Oct 20, 2014)

Brandon O said:


> That's rad. For what purpose is it used?



The fire monkeys use it for blood pressures.


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## STXmedic (Oct 20, 2014)

DEmedic said:


> The fire monkeys use it for blood pressures.


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## MackTheKnife (Oct 21, 2014)

"Do you want to touch my monkey?"


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## TransportJockey (Oct 21, 2014)

STXmedic said:


>


I think that's the best use I've seen for that picture lol


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## harold1981 (Nov 9, 2014)

I was working in the Caribbean when I brought a young lady from a rear-end collision into the ED and told the triage nurse that she was ''hit from behind" which in that language is synonymous to saying "she was taken from behind". It was kind of embarrasing as the nurse, who is known for her sharp tongue replied: ,,we all do sometimes, but why is she here?''


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## ERDoc (Nov 10, 2014)

I had a 20 something woman who was drunk for the first time (supposedly).  She was going on about how she didn't feel well and finally grabs my coat and says, "I don't understand why I feel this way."  Without thinking about it, I replied, "Ma'am, it's because you are totally ****faced."  This was in a room where there was another pt and their family behind a curtain.  Luckily they thought it was pretty funny when I went to apologize to them.

I had another drunk lady who was one of those people who gets very emotional, tearful and apologetic when she drinks.  She was going on about how bad she felt that she was bothering us and that she didn't want us to hate her.  Again, without thinking, I said, "You can't make us hate you more than we already do."  I felt bad because she really wasn't that bad of a pt and it wasn't what I meant but luckily she didn't pick up on it, but the nurse in the room did and had to leave so she didn't laugh in front of the pt.


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## Blondee (Nov 13, 2014)

In ER clinical trying to make a 8yo feel more comfortable i asked "how was school today?"
it was saturday. 
merp..


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## RHEMT406 (Nov 18, 2014)

Just this morning I had a patient tell me a hilarious one-liner.

We were dispatched to the interstate where a vehicle was reported driving the wrong way on the interstate. We live in rural Montana, so there aren't a lot of people out and about at 0400. PD picks the guy up and brings him to us at the station. The intoxicated male told the officer that he *might* have low blood sugar- hence why we were dispatched at all.

My partner was doing everything possible to get this guy out of a DUI (she's nice like that). We did a 3-lead, checked a sugar (which was fine), checked pupils, did a stroke screening, everything possible! Finally, I had just concluded that he simply is drunk. My partner began to agree. The guy swore he had low blood sugar still.

So before we released him to PD, I asked the guy "So, what did we learn this morning?" (I was expecting a "don't drink and drive" sort of response)

And the guy says to me: _"Well. I learned that next time if I am going to try and get out of this that I need to come up with something that you guys can't test."_


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## Knighttime (Dec 14, 2014)

To a patient- Had a female fall patient immobilized when she said "I feel like my boots are crooked" to which I responded, "Well ma'am on of them is hanging off the backboard give me a minute and i will grab it and fix that for you." My partner looked at me like I was crazy. Turns out she said "Feels like my boobs are crooked."

To a receiving facility-(half dead from sleep deprivation) "The patient is showing a cardiac rhythm on the Sinus monitor" Didn't catch that one until I got into the ER and a few nurses wandered over laughing wanting to see this new piece of equipment I had....


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## Gurby (Dec 16, 2014)

Patient: "Just kill me"
Me:  "I can't do that, unfortunately"


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## ShearFish (Feb 10, 2015)

Combative, restrained, coked up pt tells me, "I'm going to take you to hell, mother f***er!" My response, "But we just left your house?"


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## BlueJayMedic (Feb 10, 2015)

In order to get a quantified pain rating off of a woman have chest pain I asked "If zero was no pain, and 10 was having your leg chopped off (I usually use childbirth with women but this lady did not have children), what would it be?" She proceeded to lift her left pant leg revealing her prosthetic leg and immediately placed my foot in my mouth for me.


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## Chimpie (Feb 10, 2015)

I think she would have been able to give you an accurate pain level then.


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## LenaLena26 (Feb 11, 2015)

I was maybe a week into my first EMT job. We got a call for a seizure and the female pt was on the couch trying to get up. She had skinny legs, skinny arms, chubby face and her abdomen looked like she was about 7 months pregnant. She kept trying to get up so I told her, "Ma'am please just stay seated. You've had a possible seizure and you're pregnant, we don't want you to fall".. Her eyes just got super wide and she looked at me and screamed "I'M ****ING FAT! NOT PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!".... Yeah, never said the "p" word again unless it was confirmed beforehand lol.


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## Zimmermann4588 (Feb 21, 2015)

I was at the hospital with a 93yr old patient talking to the charge nurse, the patient was there because of catheter issues, but instead of saying that I said "the patient is complaining about a tube going from his penis to his bladder". The charge nurse looking kind of shocked/confused said "oh, you mean a catheter".


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## Sunburn (Feb 21, 2015)

cruiseforever said:


> Asking the male in the house how old his mother is.  He said she is my wife.  There was at least 35 year age gap between the two.  Now I always ask, How are you related to the pt. before asking more detailed questions.



I did that while pronouncing a patient. We were called to a hospice to pronounce a cancer patient and the husband was there. At the time I didn't know relationship between them so I asked "Mother?" I felt like an utter cretin. Still can't look that man in the eye :-(


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## chaz90 (Feb 21, 2015)

LenaLena26 said:


> I was maybe a week into my first EMT job. We got a call for a seizure and the female pt was on the couch trying to get up. She had skinny legs, skinny arms, chubby face and her abdomen looked like she was about 7 months pregnant. She kept trying to get up so I told her, "Ma'am please just stay seated. You've had a possible seizure and you're pregnant, we don't want you to fall".. Her eyes just got super wide and she looked at me and screamed "I'M ****ING FAT! NOT PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!".... Yeah, never said the "p" word again unless it was confirmed beforehand lol.


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## planetmike (Feb 22, 2015)

Dave Barry says “The only time you should assume a woman is pregnant is if you see a baby coming out."


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## Crabby Apple (Feb 22, 2015)

First time in the ED rotation for EMT clinicals, went to go fetch the next patient from the waiting room. Patient is sitting in a wheelchair and I ask him if he can walk back to the department or if I need to push him. Ooops, paraplegic. He looked at me like I was the stupidest person on the planet, it was mortifying.


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## COmedic17 (Feb 22, 2015)

pt accidentally pulled out his catheter at home and wasn't able to drive.. when I walked in he was laying there with his pants off, holding his junk -completely straight faced- and announced "mam, I'm prepped and ready for my new piss tube."


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## RedAirplane (May 1, 2015)

I once asked my partner to get a SAMPLE history.

He reminded me of those people at certain fast food restaurants. "Any fries? Any coke? Anything else?"

He opened his notebook like a waiter and asked like this: "Any allergies? Any medications? Any past medical history? Anything for lunch today?..." 

To be fair, I was also a super fresh rookie. I panicked with a BP of 90/P, forgetting that for the kid's age, that was perfectly fine. The cavalry came running and explained this to me, and I was very embarrassed. 

Not a great call on any side of it.


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## escapedcaliFF (May 3, 2015)

Had a combative male who was deffeninatly nuts acuse me of with holding the cure to AIDS and being part of a conspiracy to introduce crack cocaine to the black inner cities. I responded "The cure to AIDS is in the back of this ambulance you just have to lick the floor enough times."


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## DieselBolus (May 3, 2015)

escapedcaliFF said:


> Had a combative male who was deffeninatly nuts acuse me of with holding the cure to AIDS and being part of a conspiracy to introduce crack cocaine to the black inner cities. I responded "The cure to AIDS is in the back of this ambulance you just have to lick the floor enough times."



Probably not the best approach.

Primum non nocere and all that jazz..


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## escapedcaliFF (May 3, 2015)

I don't think that really applies to that situation.


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## chaz90 (May 3, 2015)

escapedcaliFF said:


> I don't think that really applies to that situation.


Nah. It applies perfectly. Look it up if your Latin is rusty


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## DieselBolus (May 3, 2015)

escapedcaliFF said:


> I don't think that really applies to that situation.



I don't know about you, but I would say that, generally, feeding a combative patient's delusions, especially encouraging them to lick an ambulance floor, falls under "doing harm"

Just my opinion though.

Then again, this thread is about the dumbest things said to patients.


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## escapedcaliFF (May 3, 2015)

The more I think about you guys are probably right. We all have our own delusions.


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## OnceAnEMT (May 3, 2015)

I say "hop" and "quick" a lot. "Well hop on up there" or "Let's head over their real quick". Just the way I've spoken my whole life. I have been corrected by multiple elderly patients, saying "I don't think I can do that".


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## 281mustang (May 3, 2015)

"Roughly long were you unconscious?" to a guy with a head injury.


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## Mc91emt (May 3, 2015)

i was on my ride along and I was asked to do vitals by a firefighter. While taking vitals I noticed the patients breathing I turned to the firefighters and the others then said pt has low tidal volume and spo2 is low im going to put her on 2 lpm of co2 lol


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## CdnArmyMedic (Jun 11, 2015)

I was once transporting a psych patient who told me " I just want a normal job" this after being able to fully detail her psych history. I told her "You know you're not normal and you should realistic goals for yourself"
My preceptor had to look the other way......

I also once asked a patient (who was knocked out in a bar fight) how long they were knocked out for........
*face palm*


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## RevShaw56 (Aug 27, 2015)

This is a funny topic. I put a nasal canula on a patient and asked if they could smell the o2 coming through.


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## RedAirplane (Sep 4, 2015)

281mustang said:


> "Roughly long were you unconscious?" to a guy with a head injury.



I've done that.


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## Martyn (Sep 27, 2015)

I have to keep reminding my first responder to stop saying to my hospice patients 'Get better soon' as we leave their room!!!


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## john young (Oct 10, 2015)

Called out to a house fire, arrive and the PT is sitting outside with about 8 firemen and 4 police, covered in soot.

Me: "Hi sir, what's happening with you today"?
Pt "Well the F**king house burned down didn't it?"

Cringe.


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## armydawg (Oct 26, 2015)

So it wasn't what I said, but what my partner said. We were responding priority 1 to a 76 y/o female,fall, possible head injury. We have to force entry into the house and then start scouting for our patient. As we enter the master bedroom we here a sad little "hhheellppp" from the en suite bathroom. The bathroom is tiny, big enough for just my partner. Thankfully I was just outside the door, and out of sight. He asked her what happened, she replied " I've fallin and I can't get up." without missing a beat his big country self says "you're just like the commercial.". I died. I couldn't help it, this poor lady even looked like the lady from the life alert commercial. Thankfully we had student that I sent to help my partner because I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. I couldn't even stop as I walked past the family who had just arrived after a neighbor called them. Complete lost my professional bearing over 5 words.
In the interest of all you wondering, the patient was fine. No injuries found or claimed, no pain claimed, tripped over a shoe so no medical cause to the fall. Vitals all WNL, and just needed some help up, and a new front door.


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## Spyro2500 (Oct 28, 2015)

Transporting a patient who just had a below the knee amputation and he is talking about how long the recovery is going to take and I reply - just take it one step at a time .......... Fortunately the patient thought it was very funny.


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## Vladamir von bone (Oct 30, 2015)

Asked a blind patient to sign a PCR once


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## OnceAnEMT (Feb 4, 2016)

I love reading this thread, here's to waking it back up.

First weeks in the ED. We failed to resuscitate a very large 70ish year old male patient who had an MI. The hearse actually beat the family. Those funeral home workers are odd folks, I tell ya. Not in a bad way, all are very kind people, they are just... odd. Anyway, that said, they tend to refuse help and work alone. This pt was big though, at least 300, so my offer wasn't turned down. We transferred and secured, and just as we were about to push to the hearse (in the ambulance bay) family was at the crash room door. They let us pass, and I still don't know if the funeral home worker was walking dramatically slow or struggling, but that was a long couple of seconds in front of family. Loaded the pt and shut the door. Turned around and shook hands with family as they said thank you. My mind picked one of the pre-made customer service good-byes, and I walked off saying "Have a good day!", before picking up my pace to my own rhythm of "Why, why, whyyyyy did you say that."

Fortunately, one of the family members my age couldn't help but smirk.

Since then I have been around enough mourning families to know I am lucky to have not been beaten that day in the ambulance bay.


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## BassoonEMT (Feb 17, 2016)

Had a "diff breather".... sick x3 days.  In my routine, auto-pilot questioning, i asked if he had a cough. I asked if it was productive. I asked what color it was.  The patient was blind.


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## beaucait (Feb 22, 2016)

Patient was being generally stubborn and was kind of uncooperative, so I started probing OPQRST SAMPLE etc. 
How long ago did you start feeling sad? Is there anything that makes you feel sadder? Is it a sharp sadness? Or a dull sadness? One to ten how sad are you, ten being the saddest in your life?  Does your sadness radiate anywhere?" ....


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## ego (Mar 22, 2016)

CaitlinBelinda said:


> Does your sadness radiate anywhere?" ....




Hahaha


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## Inspir (Apr 1, 2016)

"You're in luck the hospital in giving free enemas today!"


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## ERDoc (Apr 1, 2016)

Inspir said:


> "You're in luck the hospital in giving free enemas today!"



Technically this is correct.  The ER is free, isn't it?


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## zFrostyy (Apr 9, 2016)

Be trainee, arrive on scene to a priority 2 for a fall at an assisted living facility, ~80 year old female pt laying in position found after fall while ambulating w/ walker, semi-supine(kyphosis) on floor,  has kyphosis, AxOx2(dementia), denies any pain whatsoever, PMS intact, no pain on palp, etc., facility wants us to take her to the hospital so I need a chief, instead of using good ol' general weakness I ask pt

"Are you feeling uncomfortable at all right now?"

Facility tech on scene, and FTO had a good giggle about that one.


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## hyounis (Jul 3, 2016)

I had said something a few weeks ago that I was rather embarrassed about.
We had brought our patient to a hospital based dialysis clinic. She is anemic and gets cold, so I offered her a blanket, to which she said, "Please."
On the back of our stretcher, we just so happened to have a pink/salmon colored blanket. I grabbed it and when I handed it over said,
"Here, I have a colored blanket for you." She sort of just stared at me awkwardly, as did the dialysis technician standing by; pt was African American.
"... a nice PINK colored blanket..." I said for clarification, and then they knew what I meant, but it was still very, very embarrassing... and my partner got a good laugh out of my misery.


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## STXmedic (Jul 3, 2016)

Not quite to a patient, but definitely poorly timed.

Got called for a psych. When we get there, PD comes up to me and says "I think she might be dead..." He leads us to the garage, where the patient was hanging by her neck- cold, livid, and stiff. So right away, and as apathetic as you can imagine, "Oh yeah, she's dead." Well PD was kind enough to not inform me that the sister was standing 5 feet away around the corner... I was berated by the sister for the next five minutes


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## Tigger (Jul 3, 2016)

STXmedic said:


> Not quite to a patient, but definitely poorly timed.
> 
> Got called for a psych. When we get there, PD comes up to me and says "I think she might be dead..." He leads us to the garage, where the patient was hanging by her neck- cold, livid, and stiff. So right away, and as apathetic as you can imagine, "Oh yeah, she's dead." Well PD was kind enough to not inform me that the sister was standing 5 feet away around the corner... I was berated by the sister for the next five minutes


Eeeek.


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## MackTheKnife (Jul 5, 2016)

"Eric Stratton, Rush Chairman. Damned glad to meet you!"

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk


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## StCEMT (Jul 5, 2016)

STXmedic said:


> Not quite to a patient, but definitely poorly timed.
> 
> Got called for a psych. When we get there, PD comes up to me and says "I think she might be dead..." He leads us to the garage, where the patient was hanging by her neck- cold, livid, and stiff. So right away, and as apathetic as you can imagine, "Oh yeah, she's dead." Well PD was kind enough to not inform me that the sister was standing 5 feet away around the corner... I was berated by the sister for the next five minutes


Well I mean you didn't lie.


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## sack jears (Sep 4, 2016)

While on my ride outs I had to give a patient report to the nurse at the hospital- "this is ---- she is 56... But.. But young in the heart" pt called because of chest pain a week after having a stent placed. I froze lol


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## Handsome Robb (Sep 4, 2016)

STXmedic said:


> Not quite to a patient, but definitely poorly timed.
> 
> Got called for a psych. When we get there, PD comes up to me and says "I think she might be dead..." He leads us to the garage, where the patient was hanging by her neck- cold, livid, and stiff. So right away, and as apathetic as you can imagine, "Oh yeah, she's dead." Well PD was kind enough to not inform me that the sister was standing 5 feet away around the corner... I was berated by the sister for the next five minutes



Had a similar one. Went for a "psych evaluation" get on scene talk to PD and Fire who say "he's in the garage" I promptly opened the door to the garage from the kitchen to be greeted by the patient, hanging from the rafters. I promptly let out an "oh ****" and slammed the door. Scared the bejeebus out of me. 

And his girlfriend was in the kitchen behind me.

I was less than pleased with PD and fire for not telling me what was going on on our way into the house. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Specialized (Sep 13, 2016)

Transported a pt down to the city. Half way through I ask her to sign my pcr. Me not realizing that she had both thumbs, ring fingers and pinkies wrapped up in gauze, handed her my stylus to sign. Followed by me having a mental "oh ****" moment. We had a good laugh over it but boy was that embarrassing..


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## pogoemt (Sep 13, 2016)

A pt accidentally brushed my crotch while adjusting on the stretcher while in transit, first thing she does is give me a really big smirk and ask "did I touch it?" and without thinking I reply "at least buy me dinner first"


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## VentMonkey (Sep 13, 2016)

pogoemt said:


> A pt accidentally brushed my crotch while adjusting on the stretcher while in transit, first thing she does is give me a really big smirk and ask "did I touch it?" and without thinking I reply "at least buy me dinner first"


That's actually quite the clever, and quick-witted remark. Way to "think on the fly"...


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## pogoemt (Sep 13, 2016)

VentMonkey said:


> That's actually quite the clever, and quick-witted remark. Way to "think on the fly"...



I see what you did there...


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## VentMonkey (Sep 13, 2016)

pogoemt said:


> I see what you did there...


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## Specialized (Sep 13, 2016)

Hey guys, let's not blow things out of proportion here..


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## VentMonkey (Sep 13, 2016)

Specialized said:


> Hey guys, let's not blow things out of proportion here..


This, in a nutshell.


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## dutemplar (Oct 10, 2016)

So...

Today dispatch sent one of my crews for a maternity/ pregnancy with abdominal pain.

Problem.  They also said the patient was a male.  Now, back home there's more flexibility in saying you're a dude or a chick and what pronoun to use.  Here, not so much.


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## Lalaleche (Nov 9, 2016)

>First night shift
>its about 3:00am
>"M'am, on 1-10 worst pain how much is the scale? "
...


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## Weeooh (Jul 22, 2017)

hogwiley said:


> I was doing an IFT for a younger patient who recently became a quadriplegic after an accident a couple months prior, and was now on a vent. The pt mentioned they had recently been outside in the hospital courtyard for the first time since the accident.
> 
> I asked them if they enjoyed being out in the unusually warm weather we were having. The patient shot me a cold stare, and it instantly occurred to me they had no sensation in 90% of their body. After considering acknowledging that was a pretty stupid question, I decided to just keep my mouth shut.



That is something I hadn't considered about their situation.  Wow.


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## Medic27 (Aug 10, 2017)

Household6 said:


> Standing there with my handy-dandy notebook, "...aaand when is the baby due?"
> 
> She wasn't pregnant..


Dear God.....


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## Medic27 (Aug 10, 2017)

Lalaleche said:


> >First night shift
> >its about 3:00am
> >"M'am, on 1-10 worst pain how much is the scale? "
> ...


Ma'm if you could how what when where why how if that pain? 1-10 please.


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## bakertaylor28 (Aug 10, 2017)

In the presence of a male patient whom had a lost "device" in the rectum:

To medical control. (after getting fed up with the radio going in and out to where they could only understand half the transmission.) 
I finally got so ticked at the radio that I made a colorful reference to "The OompaLoompa's loosing something down at the Fudge packing division of Mr. Wonka's Chocolate Factory."

Two weeks without pay, but worth it. They got the radios fixed AND I'm still legendary for the comment.


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## FireDog19 (Sep 14, 2017)

chaz90 said:


> In my personal life, I won't even mention the "p word" unless she says it first. Just not an encounter I wish to experience.


I just stick to " is there any possibility you could be pregnant?"


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## mantree (Aug 6, 2018)

Achilles said:


> Hehe, I've done this. :blush:


We all have


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## johnrsemt (Aug 6, 2018)

To a patient that had bilateral BKA,  "why don't you hop on over to the ED cot".

Cracked up everyone in the room;  nurse smacked me with my own paperwork,  PT laughed the hardest


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