# Maintaining relationship w/ Paramedic School



## missyh (Sep 11, 2009)

Greetings everyone. 
 I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 9 months.  He's the best man I know and I'm certain I want to be with him long-term.  

However, he just started paramedic school a few weeks ago and I'm concerned about what toll this could take on our relationship.  

He has been an EMT-Intermediate for over a year and works for an ambulance service in the city so I'm used to and familiar with the long hours, unusual schedule, etc.  During the past few months we were only able to see eachother maybe once a week because of our schedules.  I was OK with this...because he's worth it.  

After all I've heard/read about paramedic school (esspecially that some divorces occur during this time) I'm worried. I love him and although he's told me this is giong to be a difficult year, I'd like your opinion/advice on what to expect and how to best handle this.  I want to spend time with him...but I DON'T want to seem too demanding of his time. What are some things I should do? not do? IF/when you were in paramedic school...what would you have liked your girlfriend/wife/family to do? Thanks so much in advance. I'm sure this question circulates a lot. 

Melissa


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## TransportJockey (Sep 11, 2009)

It is/can be hard on relationships. I know I wound up breaking off an engagement while in medic school, and one of classmates broke things off with her girlfriend... a couple others had problems but no other separations. 2 out of 13 isn't too bad.


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## nomofica (Sep 11, 2009)

Patience and trust.

Also, support him. Offer to do scenarios with him (except if he wants to try and start an IO on you... You'll regret that one...)


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## Mountain Res-Q (Sep 11, 2009)

This is what I call "testing the relationship to see if it was really gonna last", cause I have seen many EMTs go Medic and watched the strain it put on them and their families and significant others...  But, after analyizing the medics I have worked with, I can say that despite the fact that several of them had relationships end during this time, far more survived... why and how?  Dunno...  If it is "meant to be" then ya'll will find a way...


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## 46Young (Sep 11, 2009)

Is he being taken off of the schedule so that he can go to medic school FT on the company dime? Or is he working FT and going to school as well?


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## missyh (Sep 11, 2009)

Thanks for the comments and advice. I sure appreciate every reply. Keep em' coming. 

46Young, he isn't working full-time right now.  The company he works for is private and the owners are flexible and understanding enough to let him work one 14 hour shift per week.  Otherwise, his time is devoted to medic school.


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## EMTinNEPA (Sep 11, 2009)

It's going to be hard.  No "if"s, "and"s, or "but"s about it.  Paramedic school by itself is a challenge.  Add work into the mix and it's ridiculous.  Add a family and a girlfriend and it's near impossible.  I would imagine so, anyway... since I'm single and am still amazed at how much juggling work, school, and clinical is going to take.

Remember this... don't listen to anybody who says "Whatever is meant to be will happen."  Forget that nonsense.  There is no storybook relationship.  The couples who are "meant to be" go through the same garbage everybody else does.  The difference is they don't let it get them down.  They don't let it tear them apart.

Just be supportive and understanding.  School will tax him physically, mentally, and emotionally.  So when he comes home and he's testy, let him be testy.  He doesn't mean it... it's the half-eaten meals, long hours, and tons of information he needs to digest talking.


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## DV_EMT (Sep 11, 2009)

I've got some light to shed here...

Well, I just got married a few weeks ago... I'm planning to go to medic school as well. So how do married people survive with work and school and a relationship state. After talking to many people and reading a few books on marriage and love... the key is to "stay in love" or to stay in the "honeymoon state". Now note this is easier said than done, but by doing little things for each other... your lives and relationships can continue to grow and flourish.... no matter how little you spend time together... you can help him with a scenario, let him start IV's, or just even making him a cup of coffee will keep you two close. Remember, actions speak louder than words.... and most guys (like me) just like reminders that you (women) care about us and want us to be the best we can be. There's gonna be tough days... but so long as you can compromise and get through them, you'll be set. PM me for any more advice you need


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## nomofica (Sep 11, 2009)

DV_EMT said:


> I've got some light to shed here...
> 
> Well, I just got married a few weeks ago... I'm planning to go to medic school as well. So how do married people survive with work and school and a relationship state. After talking to many people and reading a few books on marriage and love... the key is to "stay in love" or to stay in the "honeymoon state". Now note this is easier said than done, but by doing little things for each other... your lives and relationships can continue to grow and flourish.... no matter how little you spend time together... you can help him with a scenario, let him start IV's, or just even making him a cup of coffee will keep you two close. Remember, actions speak louder than words.... and most guys (like me) just like reminders that you (women) care about us and want us to be the best we can be. There's gonna be tough days... but so long as you can compromise and get through them, you'll be set. PM me for any more advice you need



First off, congrats on the marriage! Best of luck for you both.

Secondly, I wholeheartedly agree. Like I said in my post, you need to support your significant other. Let him/her know you're there and that you care. Let him/her practice on you (hey, could lead to an interesting night... ). Let him/her know you're proud of them. Keep their spirits high.


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## DV_EMT (Sep 11, 2009)

Thanks man... fortunately my wife is a nurse... so you bet she's gonna be a good test dummy for IV's and all that jazz


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## nomofica (Sep 11, 2009)

DV_EMT said:


> Thanks man... fortunately my wife is a nurse... so you bet she's gonna be a good test dummy for IV's and all that jazz



Try a sternum IO. I'm sure she'll love that one.


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## Ridryder911 (Sep 11, 2009)

missyh said:


> Greetings everyone.
> I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 9 months.  He's the best man I know and I'm certain I want to be with him long-term.
> 
> However, he just started paramedic school a few weeks ago and I'm concerned about what toll this could take on our relationship.
> ...




Paramedic school alike other professional studies can and will take a toll on a new or even old relationship as the priorities will have to shift. In regards to divorces, etc.. that is a myth that we have a higher divorce rate than any other profession. 

He will need some down time and quiet time to be "human" again. Realize his love and interest of you have not changed just re-prioritized. Even though my Paramedic school was decades ago, I still remember the toll it had on my relationship with my wife at the time as we had been married for a few months. It was not easy but a good form of communication is essential and that is hard to do when one becomes exhausted both mentally and physically. 

I suggest to plan of possible date times so that both of you have something to look forward to. No EMS studies, no books, just personal time for fun and to keep the bond going. 

It will not be easy but as many has proven it can be done and in theory is not that long in comparison to other professions. 

I wish you the best of luck. 

R/r 911


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## MSDeltaFlt (Sep 11, 2009)

missyh said:


> Greetings everyone.
> I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for about 9 months. He's the best man I know and I'm certain I want to be with him long-term.
> 
> However, he just started paramedic school a few weeks ago and I'm concerned about what toll this could take on our relationship.
> ...


 
Also realize this.  Paramedic school does not last forever.  It only feels like it will.  It will end.


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## VentMedic (Sep 11, 2009)

Fortunately Paramedic school is the shortest of healthcare programs he has chosen.  Since he is already an EMT-I, his Paramedic program will probably be even shorter than some if his state is set up as others with the EMT-I program.   He could have wanted to be an RN, RRT, or PA which would require many more hours per week for 2 - 6 years of schooling so count your blessings.  If he is also one that lives only for his work and talks of nothing but EMS when he is supposed to be off duty, you may have to decide if you will fit into his life as he may already have a love that he won't compromise for and that may include you.  If he is realizes you are just as important as the ambulance, the relationship will survive.   

Also, if you can not handle the sacrifice for a few short months, then the relationship will not work for other things in the future.  If there are ever kids in your future they will consume much more of your time than Paramedic school ever could and for a lot longer.  Consider Paramedic school as just a baby borrowing his time for a very short period.   

I also hope your feelings about this won't prevent him for getting even a two year degree as a Paramedic or advance himself through education of some type if he decides to do so.


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## missyh (Sep 11, 2009)

Everyone's advice has been great.  Sometimes a girl just needs some perspective, you know? Advice from other EMS folks is great esspecially...since they know exactly what is going on.  

VentMedic, I would NEVER want to prevent him from doing anything he wants to do.  I love that he is passionate about EMS and would never want to do anything that might prevent him from doing something that is good and brings him happiness.  

Actually, the university here allows that one get a bachelor's degree in EMS (not sure how it works exactly) if they choose. So, after he finishes medic school...he'll have two more semesters until he graduates.


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## 46Young (Sep 11, 2009)

It shouldn't be too bad until he starts doing his clinical rotations. He would do well to stay ahead of schedule on these. Falling behind will result in having to play catch up, or worse, not graduating. 

Could you post his schedule? Class times, work hours, required weekly hours of cinicals, your work hours as well? That should give us something to work with when suggesting how to structure your lives around this.


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## VentMedic (Sep 11, 2009)

46Young said:


> Could you post his schedule? Class times, work hours, required weekly hours of cinicals, your work hours as well? That should give us something to work with when suggesting how to structure your lives around this.


 
Oh come on already!  If these two can't get their acts together for Paramedic school and solve some scheduling difficulties without some anonymous forum what hope do they have?  Part of a successful relationship is working out these problems and if they can't, professional help would be the preferred instead of "Dear Abby EMS" if they really want to make it work.


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## spisco85 (Sep 11, 2009)

Vent-We love being able to be in control though 

I agree with Vent. Just the little bit of help people have put in is enough for her to have an idea of what is going to happen.


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## missyh (Sep 11, 2009)

VentMedic, 

It was not my intention to do the whole "Dear Abby EMS" thing.  In fact, I didn't see this as much as a "personal" question than a advice-on-how-best-to-handle-this question and perhaps be given some advice on what to expect.  That's all.


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## VentMedic (Sep 11, 2009)

missyh said:


> VentMedic,
> 
> It was not my intention to do the whole "Dear Abby EMS" thing. In fact, I didn't see this as much as a "personal" question than a advice-on-how-best-to-handle-this question and perhaps be given some advice on what to expect. That's all.


 
I was referring to 46Young's post as I quoted.  You have gotten some good advice here.  The forum just doesn't need to know everything about your life as he was suggesting. 

 Best of luck to the both of you.


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## daedalus (Sep 11, 2009)

I am not in a relationship right now, but it would not be that difficult for me to maintain one. I am in Paramedic school and still having fun and doing well. I went to San Diego on a vacation the other weekend in fact.

There is lots of time for yourself if you try.


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## kittaypie (Sep 11, 2009)

i'm in medic school right now. it's really hard but the people who are in relationships/married in the class seem to be doing well in them. just remember to be supportive of him and try to help him out with little things like laundry, cleaning, etc. also keep in mind he's gonna be studying a LOT. just be patient and he'll be done with the class in no time B)


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## 46Young (Sep 11, 2009)

VentMedic said:


> Oh come on already!  If these two can't get their acts together for Paramedic school and solve some scheduling difficulties without some anonymous forum what hope do they have?  Part of a successful relationship is working out these problems and if they can't, professional help would be the preferred instead of "Dear Abby EMS" if they really want to make it work.



Simmer down. It wouldn't hurt to know what schedules they have so that we could offer suggestions for time management. I know a thing or two as I worked FT and then some while going through medic school with a wife and a newborn baby at home..


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## VentMedic (Sep 11, 2009)

46Young said:


> Simmer down. It wouldn't hurt to know what schedules they have so that we could offer suggestions for time management. I know a thing or two as I worked FT and then some while going through medic school with a wife and a newborn baby at home..


 
No two people or situation is the same.  Part of being in a relationship is finding out about each other and working things out together.    Advice can be offered but I think adjusting their schedule for them is a little much.


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## 46Young (Sep 11, 2009)

VentMedic said:


> No two people or situation is the same.  Part of being in a relationship is finding out about each other and working things out together.    Advice can be offered but I think adjusting their schedule for them is a little much.



I suppose you're right.


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## VentMedic (Sep 11, 2009)

46Young said:


> I suppose you're right.


 
Of course I'm right.  Hasn't married life taught you anything?


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## medic417 (Sep 11, 2009)

Just trust him when he says he was only practicing patient assessment skills when you catch him getting up close and physical with that hot female in his class.  

Actually you need to sit down talk with him.  Figure out priorities and go from there.


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## 46Young (Sep 11, 2009)

VentMedic said:


> Of course I'm right.  Hasn't married life taught you anything?



(smiles and nods while keeping his mouth shut)


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## EMTinNEPA (Sep 12, 2009)

46Young said:


> (smiles and nods while keeping his mouth shut)



*shakes his head with disappointment*


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## fiddlesticks (Sep 12, 2009)

well when i went to school i know that a few ppl broke up or hooked up with others that weren't their bf or gf or whatever so yes it does happen (sorry)but we get vary close with our classmates( working on skills) and you work long hrs with medics on ojt so it kinda make it easy to happen., my hubby is also a medic so i know how hard this job is on a relationship. but if you want it to work then it will you might just have to work harder at it.


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