# You gotta laugh!



## rescuemedic7306 (May 25, 2005)

WHEATLEY, AR—Although reckless driving and minor driver impairment were cited as additional factors, police investigators ruled pure, unadulterated stupidity as the primary cause in the death of an unlicensed motorist involved in a single-car accident Sunday.
  "We're fairly positive the deceased was operating under the influence of being an unbelievable dumbass," forensic investigator Evan Lawrence told reporters at the scene, a stretch of road littered with SUV parts, beer cans, food containers, fishing equipment, and pornography. "I mean, we're not saying alcohol, fatigue, poor vehicle maintenance, and driver error didn't play their parts—but mainly, that driver was a goddamn dipshit."
The violent and inane mishap occurred at approximately 4 p.m., just north of town, where Highway 63 passes beneath the railroad bridge.
A 25-page accident report released to the press Tuesday contained such details as "leg hooked through steering wheel so driver could use both hands to light cigarette,""handgun case slid under brake pedal, preventing it from being adequately engaged," and "carotid artery lacerated by bottle-opener bolted to dashboard." 
Deputy Craig Zemke of the Lee County Highway Patrol said nothing in his 13 years on the force prepared him for the moronic things he saw.



See the full story here:
Click

 © Copyright 2005, Onion, Inc., All rights reserved.


_EDITED: to remove full article from post._


----------



## Jon (May 27, 2005)

I just went looking for EMS News... and was about to post this... after I nearly fell out of my chair!

Then I realized you beat me to it.


----------



## rescuecpt (May 27, 2005)

Well, at least he's not out there breeding anymore...


----------



## Jon (May 27, 2005)

> _Originally posted by rescuecpt_@May 27 2005, 01:23 PM
> * Well, at least he's not out there breeding anymore... *


 Great point


----------



## Jon (May 27, 2005)

> _Originally posted by rescuecpt_@May 27 2005, 01:23 PM
> * Well, at least he's not out there breeding anymore... *


 But was really part of the gene pool anyway? it is an ONION article.


Jon


----------



## rescuecpt (May 27, 2005)

> _Originally posted by MedicStudentJon+May 27 2005, 12:38 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>*QUOTE* (MedicStudentJon @ May 27 2005, 12:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-rescuecpt_@May 27 2005, 01:23 PM
> * Well, at least he's not out there breeding anymore... *


But was really part of the gene pool anyway? it is an ONION article.


Jon [/b][/quote]
 Either way, there are no little dumblets being produced, whether real, or swathed in an onion flavored fog of imagination.


----------

