# Gods Gift??



## MedicPrincess (Feb 12, 2006)

Ok Ladies...heres your chance.  If your married, you might want to leave him for this one...if not, well you don't want to miss out.

My sister apparently doesn't have enough to do.  She is on a constant mission to get me remarried.  Forget I am happy, she wants me to be her view of "settled."

So she emailed me this personal ad from an online dating site.

_Hey if you're a gay guy, NEWSFLASH...., I AM NOT A B U T T PIRATE SO DON'T F*ING EMAIL ME. 

I just got out of a long term relationship and I am not looking for anything serious. I'm a great guy with a lot to offer, but just tired of the f*ing games. I'm open to the idea of friends with benefits but don't have any experience in that area...yet 

I have been through a LOT of sh*t with women, so here are my dislikes: 
I can't stand women who don't know what they want and are rude 
Women who are b * t c hes or think they are gods gift need not apply 
I CAN NOT tolerate women who are not affectionate or have problems opening up
I will not put up with a woman who thinks she is smarter then me. 

What I AM looking for: 
Anyone between the ages of 18-35 
A woman that is intelligent and LOVES to laugh 
Attractive 
Likes to have fun and hang out on the weekends, maybe see a movie 
She must be able to cook
And MOST importantly a woman who is a romantic, not just on the receiving end 
but on the giving end as well 

A little bit about myself: 
I am in sales currently and looking to re-open my own business again. I'm 5'10" 
185 lbs. and in shape. I am a former gymnast so being in shape is a MUST for me. So if you're not attractive, not in shape or don't care about your physical apperance do yourself a favor... hit the "back" button right now.
_
So, Jenn, Rescue, Tigress....anybody.  I am afraid I am going to have to pass.  You see, he's a gymnast.  That means he's more flexible than me and I am too much of a control freak to allow that.


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## Stevo (Feb 12, 2006)

some cheese with that whine sir?

~S~


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## Wingnut (Feb 12, 2006)

Ok First it's the internet, so He's probably lying.

Second:  _Hey if you're a gay guy, NEWSFLASH...., I AM NOT A B U T T PIRATE SO DON'T F*ING EMAIL ME_ = He's homophobic and an ***.

Third:    _not looking for anything serious     I'm open to the idea of friends with benefits but don't have any experience in that area...yet      _Riiiiiiiiiiiight...we've all heard THAT one before.

Fourth:  _I can't stand women who don't know what they want and are rude 
Women who are b * t c hes or think they are gods gift need not apply 
I CAN NOT tolerate women who are not affectionate or have problems opening up_
He reads Cosmo which means he probably IS a butt-pirate.

Fifth:   _I will not put up with a woman who thinks she is smarter then me._ He's an idiot and has probably only met women who ARE smarter then he is...because we are.

Sixth:   _Anyone between the ages of 18-35_  Sure, another one...really means between the ages of 18 and 18.

Seventh:   _A woman that is intelligent and LOVES to laugh_ Oxymoron...Oh wait, I thought you said a woman who's not smarter than you??? Make up your mind.

Eighth:  _She must be able to cook_ Sure, now he wants you barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen where we "belong"   I have a mind to kick this guys *** already.I bet he'd freak if you told him what you do for a living.

Ninth:  _And MOST importantly a woman who is a romantic, not just on the receiving end but on the giving end as well_  Oh, so WE have to buy HIM flowers and candy? I think not, another sign of him being a butt-pirate.

Tenth:_I am in sales currently and looking to re-open my own business again._ Translates: I work as a grocery clerk and can't find another job so I'm going into business for myself.

Eleventh: _I'm 5'10" 185 lbs. and in shape. I am a former gymnast so being in shape is a MUST for me._  I haven't had a job so I've had lots of time to work out.

Twelfth: _former gymnast_ = Butt-pirate

Thirteenth:  _So if you're not attractive, not in shape or don't care about your physical apperance do yourself a favor... hit the "back" button right now._  I'm shallow, and an ***, and think I'm better than half of the people reading this.


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## TTLWHKR (Feb 12, 2006)

No, no, no...


_



I am in sales currently and looking to re-open my own business again

Click to expand...

 

Translation: I NEED YOUR MONEY_


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## coloradoemt (Feb 12, 2006)

Fifth: _I will not put up with a woman who thinks she is smarter then me._ He's an idiot and has probably only met women who ARE smarter then he is...because we are.

Well I understand this about my wife and we get along famously!!! B) 

Ninth: _And MOST importantly a woman who is a romantic, not just on the receiving end but on the giving end as well_ Oh, so WE have to buy HIM flowers and candy? I think not, another sign of him being a butt-pirate.

Send me chocolate anytime. No I am not a butt-pirate, I just love chocolate!!


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## Wingnut (Feb 12, 2006)

Excellent Whacker, Thankyou 

Colorado, I buy my husband chocolate, but if I took him out on a carriage ride with roses and the whole nine yards.....he wouldn't say "aww thank-you honey," he'd look at me like I lost my mind.


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## emtff376 (Feb 12, 2006)

I am in sales = do you want fries with that?


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## EMTI&RESCUE (Feb 13, 2006)

I'm in sales & going to start my own business (again) translates into. I ran my last business into the ground. And am bankrupt. hahaha.....and I was laughing at the "He is more flexable than me remark." hahahahaha..You ladies are too funny.


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2006)

Wingnut said:
			
		

> Ok First it's the internet, so He's probably lying.
> 
> Second: _Hey if you're a gay guy, NEWSFLASH...., I AM NOT A B U T T PIRATE SO DON'T F*ING EMAIL ME_ = He's homophobic and an ***.
> 
> ...


Speaking as a heterosexual male, I have to disagree with much of this assessment. Relating to each point by number:

First: Your assessment on this point might be correct. Personally I don't assume he's _probably_ lying, but it is definitely a possibility.

Second: He's put out ads before and received responses from homosexual males. Getting _any_ inappropriate response can be a frustrating waste of time. He could have been more diplomatic in his specificity; however, this seems more indicative of a lack of sensitivity (or, as you say, he's probably a bit of an "***"), rather than of homophobia.

Third: I have no exception with this part of your assessment. He probably _is_ looking for a casual sex relationship; whether he's been in that type of relationship before seems like a rather useless piece of information to toss in there.

Fourth: I have a _major_ exception to take with this aspect of your analysis. This is _exactly_ the kind of thing I would look for in a woman, and if needed to put out a personals ad to find a woman, I would probably put something like this in there. However, I might have phrased it a bit nicer, going back to the point we both agreed on in your Second point.

Fifth: Personally, _I_ think it's idiotic to read things that aren't there, or to assume someone meant something other than what they said or wrote. But I realize I'm part of an incredibly small minority of the population who actually says what he means and means what he says, so I'm used to this kind of communication confusion. My point is this: He said he won't put up with a woman who thinks she's smarter than him. He didn't say he doesn't want a woman who _isn't_ smarter than him. If the woman actually is smarter than him, he might be fine with it. He probably just doesn't want someone who acts like a "know-it-all".

Sixth: I have to admit the age range of 18-35 seems like a pretty wide range to be happy with. However, I can't understand how there could possibly be any point in lying on a personals ad (when you're saying what you want, that is; when you're describing yourself, _then_ I can understand a lot of lying going on). If you want someone who is 18, what harm can there be to ask for that? Why bother wasting your time reading and turning down or deleting the responses from all the 19-35 year old people? It just doesn't make any sense. I have to assume that if he specified this age range, he's at least willing to consider this age range. Otherwise he's asking for a lot of his time to be wasted, and he's already established with his no homosexuals statement that he doesn't want his time to be wasted.

Seventh: How is it an oxymoron to ask for a woman who is both intelligent and loves to laugh? If you think being intelligent _and_ having a sense of humor are two mutually exclusive qualities, then I feel sorry for you. And once again, going back to your Fifth point and my disagreement with it, may I remind you that he did _not_ say he doesn't want a woman who's not smarter than him.

Eighth: Once again, why must you assume he means anything more than what he said? If I put out a personals ad and asked for a woman who knows how to drive, would you assume I want a woman who has a limousine and will chauffer me around everywhere I want to go? The guy just wants someone who knows how to cook. If I wasn't already married to a woman who can cook, I would ask for that, too. I would ask for it but that doesn't mean I want all those other things you assume are implied. My wife can cook, and so can I. I don't expect her to be barefoot (I can't even imagine what the point of wanting someone to be barefoot all the time would be, anyway). I don't expect her to stay pregnant, either; we've had two kids, and that's _all_ we're going to have (I'm actually strongly in favor of population control, but that's a whole other subject). And finally, I don't expect her to cook every meal, nor to keep our apartment spotless from top to bottom. I do a fair share of the cooking.

Ninth: Once again, you're assuming too much. Either that, or you're view of romanticism is limited to giving flowers and candy, and if that's the case, then once again, I feel sorry for you. I also feel sorry for anyone who thinks only the man should bring gifts to the woman, and especially for any man who's in a relationship with that kind of narrow-minded woman. Finally, wanting a woman who is romantic is _not_ a sign of homosexualism...that's just stupid.

Tenth: Maybe you're right, maybe you're not. I agreed earlier that when one is describing one's own self in a personals ad, one is more likely to stretch the truth. Personally I think it's a pretty far stretch from sales to grocery store clerk, but maybe that's just me. And we have no idea why he needs to "re-open" his business; to assume it's something bad is a sign of pessimism and negativity, and to dismiss something on the basis of one's assumptions, rather than taking the time to find out if they're right or wrong, is a sign of closed-mindedness. (Aren't EMTs supposed to confirm/refute any assumptions before acting on them, anyway?)

Eleventh: Actually, he already stated that he _does_ have a job, and it_ is_ possible to have a job _and_ have time to work out. Most people probably wouldn't be able to afford to work out much, anyway, without having a job, or else how could they pay for their fitness club memberships, or the home equipment?

Twelfth: So all gymnasts are homosexuals? Or is it just the male gymnasts who are all homosexuals?

Thirteenth: Yeah, he's probably a bit shallow and a bit of an ***. It's probably too much to assume that he thinks he's better than half the people reading his ad, though. But even so, what's wrong with thinking you're better than half the other people? If you think you're better than only half of the other people, then you must realize that the _other _half of the other people are better than you. In other words, you think you're about in the middle, and that's not so bad, is it? Thinking you're better than everyone else, or most of everyone else, is a sign of being conceited. Thinking everyone else, or most of everyone else, is better than you is a sign of an inferiority complex. But I don't see what's wrong with thinking you're about in the middle.


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## Wingnut (Feb 14, 2006)

JJR512 said:
			
		

> Fifth: Personally, _I_ think it's idiotic to read things that aren't there, or to assume someone meant something other than what they said or wrote. But I realize I'm part of an incredibly small minority of the population who actually says what he means and means what he says, so I'm used to this kind of communication confusion.


 

My response to your entire "assessment" of my original response is it's joke. You're not a minority at least not with the group on these boards, one thing I love about this group is we all say what we really think, but we also joke around a lot.


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## ma2va92 (Feb 14, 2006)

IS  Dr. Phil Reading this...... cause someone needs help here


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2006)

Wingnut said:
			
		

> My response to your entire "assessment" of my original response is it's joke. You're not a minority at least not with the group on these boards, one thing I love about this group is we all say what we really think, but we also joke around a lot.


Sure...and I'm joking, too. 

But I seriously doubt that I'm _not_ in the minority as I described it. I participate in a lot of message boards around the internet related to many different subjects, and I talk to a lot of people in real life. Now I've only been a member here less than about a month, and I've already seen one of my posts in another thread get partially quoted and interpreted out of context. So I have no reason yet to believe that I've stumbled here upon my holy grail, a place where people actually do say what they mean and mean what they say, without reading anything into what other people write that wasn't actually written, to the best of their ability to do so. It's apparently human nature to try to "read between the lines" of what people actually say or write; I see _everyone_ else do it, and most people seem to do it most of the time. So from my point of view, I know that if I had written that ad, and that's what people read into it, I would be extremely frustrated, so I tried to make a point by asking why does it have to be read like that, instead of just taking it for what it is.


			
				ma2va92 said:
			
		

> IS Dr. Phil Reading this...... cause someone needs help here


I don't know if you meant me, specifically, but hell yes, I need help. Just about everybody needs help. And if someone thinks that he or she couldn't use a little help, then that person is even worse off than those who do realize they need help. _Everybody_ has issues. _Everybody_ has problems. If you don't, then you should be a trillionaire from selling your secret to the rest of us schmucks.


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## coloradoemt (Feb 14, 2006)

Ok I think it is time to stop taking every thing so personally, and literally... h34r:


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2006)

It's not personal, and as for not taking things literally, that's exactly what I'm complaining about. _Do_ say what you mean! _Do_ mean what you say! _Don't_ try to detect implied meanings that aren't actually written or spoken! This just comes so naturally to me, I can't understand why it's so difficult for everybody else.


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## coloradoemt (Feb 14, 2006)

JJR512 said:
			
		

> It's not personal, and as for not taking things literally, that's exactly what I'm complaining about. _Do_ say what you mean! _Do_ mean what you say! _Don't_ try to detect implied meanings that aren't actually written or spoken! This just comes so naturally to me, I can't understand why it's so difficult for everybody else.


 

Actually I was refering to you...


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2006)

coloradoemt said:
			
		

> Actually I was refering to you...


I understood that. You told me to not take things so literally. My reply stands as-is, which is that in my opinion and from my point of view, it's not that I should _not_ take things so literally, but that everybody else _should_.


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2006)

But don't worry about it, not that you were, but don't. I understand that if I'm the only one with a particular point of view that nobody else wants to adopt or is capable of adopting, then I have to either change my point of view to fit in with everybody else, or resign myself to a life of frustration. I resigned a long time ago. Sometimes I pop off with my point of view, but I know I'm not going to change anything. I apoligze for any unintended offense that anyone took from anything I've said.

Any further discussion on how to properly communicate--from any point of view--would most likely be futile.


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