# Dumbest thing heard on the radio



## HasTy (Feb 22, 2009)

I know we have the dispatchers thread but I thought it would be worth a few laughs to hear the dumbest things we have heard on the radio period whether it be from a dispatcher or from unit to unit what have you...


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## captainbeatty (Feb 24, 2009)

I heard this one. It's funny, in a weird way. " Attention, Medic 36, respond to Greenlawn Cemetary, on a reported dead person".Gee, a dead person in a cemetary.


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## HasTy (Feb 24, 2009)

That is a good one I was beginning to think that this thread was going to die an untimely death


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## firecoins (Feb 24, 2009)

Rihanna, Britney Spears, Madonna, New Kids on the Block, Vanilla Ice,


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## karaya (Feb 24, 2009)

firecoins said:


> Rihanna, Britney Spears, Madonna, New Kids on the Block, Vanilla Ice,


 
Madonna?!  Blasphemy!!  Madonna's great on the radio!


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## lightsandsirens5 (Feb 24, 2009)

firecoins said:


> Rihanna, Britney Spears, Madonna, New Kids on the Block, Vanilla Ice,



Couldn't agree more!


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## WarDance (Feb 24, 2009)

firecoins said:


> Rihanna, Britney Spears, Madonna, New Kids on the Block, Vanilla Ice,



You forgot Fergie.  I thought my ears were going to bleed the last time I heard Flying First Class or whatever that song is.


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## firecoins (Feb 24, 2009)

WarDance said:


> You forgot Fergie.  I thought my ears were going to bleed the last time I heard Flying First Class or whatever that song is.



your are correct WarDancemeister.


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## Buzz (Feb 25, 2009)

Dispatch: Are you parked in a fire lane?
Unit: Uh... Affirmative.
Dispatch: Alright. Just checking.


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## piranah (Feb 27, 2009)

happened on a busy busy day....

me: rescue 2 to 510, rescue 2 is going to be back and town and available.
dispatch:.....not for long.....(with sly voice)


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## dslprod (Feb 27, 2009)

LOl this made my day !


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## Silverstone (Feb 27, 2009)

Well, one day when I was dispatching I sent an Adam unit out to our local favorite hypochondriac hangout that we have named "The tower of power".  We normally send units out as either a hot response or cold response, we don't really have any code names for it since we've gone to straight english lingo on the radio.  But anyways.... I dispatched them out and forgot to mention if it was a cold or hot response and they asked me on the radio "How do you want us to respond...."  I got back on and said "Luke warm...."  

I always like sending them out on "Cold response for a confirmed DOA...."  no pun intended.

Then the damn medics do their repeater crap.  One will say "Adam 44 at post 2."   Ten seconds later.... "Adam 44 at post 2."  Always on night shifts....


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## Silverstone (Feb 27, 2009)

Another funny thing was an old dispatcher of ours was dispatching out a unit to F AVE, and on the radio he described it as "F as in Pharmacy...." holy hell.....


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## WarDance (Feb 27, 2009)

Silverstone said:


> Another funny thing was an old dispatcher of ours was dispatching out a unit to F AVE, and on the radio he described it as "F as in Pharmacy...." holy hell.....



His parents obviously never got him Hooked On Phonics!


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## JonTullos (Feb 27, 2009)

I mentioned this one in another thread but I feel it's worth bringing up again.  I joined the volly fire department in town (yeah, yeah, I know how some of you feel about EMTs [well, future EMT in my case] mixing with fire) and I was hanging out while the chief and some others went on a med assist call.  Since I wasn't "officially" a member yet I couldn't ride yet.  At any rate, another department got toned out and the dispatcher said it was for someone who "fell out."  I couldn't believe a dispatcher actually said that someone "fell out" on the air.  

Wonder what he fell out of.


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## Silverstone (Feb 28, 2009)

We call them DFO's.  "Done fell out."  Or the infamous FDGB.  "Fall Down Go Boom".


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## AJ Hidell (Feb 28, 2009)

*Pilot:*  Incident command, this is CareFlite 3.

*Fire Idiot:*  CareFlite 3, this is Engine 59, go ahead.

*Pilot:*  Engine 59, we are three minutes out from your scene.  Do you have any landing hazards or obstructions to report?

*Fire Idiot:*  Negative, CareFlite, no hazards or obstructions, just some trees and telephone poles, nothing else.

Believe it or not, this was a PAID, "professional" (using the term very loosely) fire department.


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## skivail (Feb 28, 2009)

*Oy*



AJ Hidell said:


> *Pilot:*  Incident command, this is CareFlite 3.
> 
> *Fire Idiot:*  CareFlite 3, this is Engine 59, go ahead.
> 
> ...



That makes me cringe


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## NEMed2 (Mar 5, 2009)

Me to Dispatch: Ambulance 3 off in quarters.
Dispatch:  I wouldn't bet on that.


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## NEMed2 (Mar 5, 2009)

*Not the dumbest but darn funny*

One of my friends gets called to a frequent’s residence for BS medical, per this patient's usual.  Apparently she had been calling 911 all day and complaining of various things and they finally got sick of it & called us to take her to the hospital for med compliance concerns.  Either way, they get sent out Priority 4, in an area with Priority 1 (lights & sirens) through 3 (with the flow of traffic).  They figured that P4 just meant they could stop & get coffee on the way.


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## TransportJockey (Mar 5, 2009)

One of the crews I used to work with called in service for the day and said "02 is pager 'I' as in 'aye aye captain!'"... All of us just cringed... until a smart *** piped up "and that is why public schools are bad!"


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## benkfd (Mar 5, 2009)

You know that its going to be a long night when your dispatcher comes back with "Sorry, forgot where I was at tonight!"


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## emtfarva (Mar 5, 2009)

Middleboro Rescue, you are responding to Rite Aide for the shoplifter who fainted.


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## medichopeful (Mar 5, 2009)

WarDance said:


> His parents obviously never got him Hooked On Phonics!



You mean Hooked on Fonics, right?


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## abckidsmom (Mar 5, 2009)

"respond priority 1 to the downtown area for the man down."

We just marked on scene.  Gimme a break, that's the best they could get?  The guy turned out to be on the median of the highway, right smack in the middle of the downtown area.


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## medic89 (Apr 29, 2009)

On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:

Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
Me: Thanks, Dispatch, I wasn't expecting a reply at this wonderful hour.
Dispatch:  Neither was I.

About 10 Minutes Later:

Me: Dispatch, L2 will be in route to station.
Dispatch:  10-4 L2, be advised you have 4 bogeys 6 o'clock high bugging out.
Me: Copy bogeys, this is Ghostrider requesting fly-by.
Dispatch: Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.
Me: Copy, pattern full, we will be arriving on Runway 17 North in approx. 45 seconds.
Dispatch: Roger, call the ball.
Me: L2 has the ball.
Dispatch: You're too low! Pull Up! PULL UP!
Me: Arrived at base safe and sound.  Thank you for flying Psychiatric Airlines, hope you have a _Wonderful_ day!


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## Shishkabob (Apr 29, 2009)

"Pt is severely dead"


I kid you not.


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## mycrofft (Apr 29, 2009)

*Mixed radio and PA incident: "You BETTER run!".*

Driving out of flightline fire staion, getting ready to call
 "10-8", when we see the ramp fire patrol vehicle parked a hundred yards away sort of near the pilot's vending machine shack, the driver waddling back towards it with an armload of junk food, and his handheld radio in one hand. We watch him raise the radio up and call himself as in service a mile away across the flightline.

My crewchief calls us "10-8 by the vending shack".

The patrol driver's head jerks up, swivels around, and he spots us then starts running like a big blue woodchuck for his truck.

My crewchief switches to PA and shouts "You BETTER run, you goofy f#%&*r!!"...just behind Senior NCO Row, echoing across the quiet flightline.:blush:


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## Medic506 (Apr 29, 2009)

A local county called into our dispatch center requesting our helicoptor for a motorcycle 10-50.  After I dispatched the bird, she called back and my partner answered.

Partner: "Medforce 2 is enroute and will be there in approx 15 minutes.  Would you be able to get us coordinates so they can find you easier?"

Calling Disp: "Um, no.  Just have them meet the ambulance and the Dollar General."  :unsure: :blink:


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## mycrofft (Apr 30, 2009)

*Huey driver "Pitchpull"" tells one.*

Respnding to state patrol at a MVA, gets to approximate site but it's wooded. Asks for terminal guidance (bad choice of words). Trooper states he'll turn on his roof beacons", which really penetrate the thick leafy trees he is parked under...not.<_<


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## CAOX3 (May 3, 2009)

Dispatch: Unit 52 take 415 Whitaker for a female unable to be aroused.

Us:  Recieved but I dont think thats in our protocols.


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## willbeflight (May 3, 2009)

*Send Fire Trucks*

I heard this one on a ride along a few months ago.  There was an MVA where the car went over a really steep embankment.  The driver was hurt and needed to be transported.  The dispatcher asked if Fire and Rescue was needed.  One of the medics calmly exclaimed, "No, I will just climb down the cliff myself!"  I think dispach misses her coffee that morning.


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## Amack (May 10, 2009)

Linuss said:


> "Pt is severely dead"
> 
> 
> I kid you not.



bahahahaha!!


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## Buzz (May 10, 2009)

We receive a page while we are in the ER that says "I need you guys to clear ASAP."

Us: "We're 10-8"
Dispatch: "Stand by"
*15 minutes pass*
Us: "Still standing by..."
Dispatch: "Oh crap. Forgot about you. Post at........"
Us: "Okay."

We go to post. Much time passes... in fact, past the time we should be cleared to the station. Again, we decide to contact our very forgetful dispatch.

Us: "Can we come in now?"
Dispatch: "Oh.. uh.. are you 10-8?"
Us: "Yeah.. we have been for like two hours." 
Dispatch: "Oh. I would have cleared you.. I still had you showing at the hospital... Come on in."


Turns out at the shift change, the night dispatcher never put us back in service. The oncoming morning dispatcher assumed we had just arrived at the hospital and had gotten lost inside or something.


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## VFFforpeople (May 10, 2009)

Buzz said:


> We receive a page while we are in the ER that says "I need you guys to clear ASAP."
> 
> Us: "We're 10-8"
> Dispatch: "Stand by"
> ...



Those hospitals can be tricky, I tell ya! lol


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## EMTinNEPA (May 11, 2009)

Unit 2: Unit 2 to dispatch, any additional on the patient?
Dispatcher: Standby, we're in the middle of a wildfire.
Unknown: Well get out!

or...

Dispatcher: Your BLS unit is still 10 minutes out.
Medic: You want me to wait for them?
Dispatcher: I don't know, _YOU'RE_ the medic.  Do you think you can wait?


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## armywifeemt (May 29, 2009)

Linuss said:


> "Pt is severely dead"
> 
> 
> I kid you not.




Let me explain.. 

Dead is when they're still warm. 

Really dead is when they're cold and stiff. 

Severely dead is when you need to break out the vicks and take the least amount of breaths necessary. This really shouldn't call for EMTs, except maybe for the poor soul who found the severely dead person.


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## LucidResq (Jun 19, 2009)

Working medical at a large marathon; on the main channel (channel one) that is being used by the race crew, PD, EMS and FD:

"Daddy, are you on channel one or channel two? Papa? Are you there papa? Daddy this is Jimmy. Are you on channel one or two we're trying to find you."

Over and over and over again. Seriously. I was in the medical tent and Papa was a ff/medic who was helping coordinate things. Someone made the grave error of leaving their radio in reach of "Jimmy," who continued to transmit the same stupid thing over and over again until he was finally caught by the medic chasing him. Goat rodeo.


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## Medic744 (Jun 24, 2009)

After a particulary long day in our small town my unit (we only have one) gets dispatched to a suicide attempt.  We jump in and haul it to the other side of town lights and sirens.  Dispatch comes across and advises that PD is on scene and requsting that we come in quiet.  My partner pics up the mic and whispers "Medic 1 recieved" The dispatcher who is a friend of mine sends me a text saying as soon as he heard that he was laughing so hard he almost peed himself.


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## kittaypie (Aug 2, 2009)

"female, chief complaint va-jay-jay bleed."

(on a patient report given over the radio)


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## emtcboots (Aug 2, 2009)

Me: "Communications, send LEO to intersection of hwy 70 and pedestrian crosswalk. The big, giant pedestrian crosswalk"
Dispatch: "10-4, can we request a reason why?"
Me: "Patient fled unit at stop sign"
Dispatch: "Are you saying that the patient jumped out of the truck at the stop sign?"
Me: "Affirmative"
Dispatch: "What is patient's location now?"
Me: "No idea. That's why we need LEO"


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## firecoins (Aug 2, 2009)

medic89 said:


> On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:
> 
> Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
> Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
> ...


I just want to wish you luck, were all counting on you.


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## NJN (Aug 3, 2009)

PD had received a few calls about a possible Black Bear roaming a neighborhood.


Dispatch: Unit ## what's your status.
Unit: "Be vewy vewy quiet we're hunting a vewy vewy big wabbit"


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## Pudge40 (Aug 3, 2009)

NJNewbie196 said:


> PD had received a few calls about a possible Black Bear roaming a neighborhood.
> 
> 
> Dispatch: Unit ## what's your status.
> Unit: "Be vewy vewy quiet we're hunting a vewy vewy big wabbit"



ROFLMAO that is great.


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## RESQ_5_1 (Aug 4, 2009)

Yesterday one of our units was dispatched to a call. Dispatch went out something like this:

Dispatch: GP 3-2. You are being dispatched for a _ y/o female. Concious, not breathing. Not sure how that works. 

Turns out pt was later reported to have agonal breathing after falling and hitting her head.


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## EMTTim (Aug 7, 2009)

A coworker responded to a man making love to a 2 liter bottle when his pecker got stuck. 

Unit: Unit 3 to XXXX Hospital.
Hospital: Go ahead.
Unit: I'm 3 minutes out with a __ y/o male with a strangulated penis.
Hospital: Uhhh, 10-4.


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## c_looney2006 (Aug 7, 2009)

*dumb fire fighter*

My town has the largest fired protection dist in the county and most eveyone knows what county roads are were. This is how this went out

Disp: "tones.........________fire, fire response is needed to ________ z hwy bates city for a structure fire fully engulfed, time of tone xxxxhours.

Fire: "________fire copies tone, stanby"

Fire: "________fire enroute"

Disp: "copy ________fire enroute"

Fire: "is that address north or south on z hwy in bates city"

Disp: "well the hightway only goes south in bates city.......so I would say south"

Fire: " (people laughingin the cab) I knew that......"


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## Pudge40 (Aug 7, 2009)

EMTTim said:


> A coworker responded to a man making love to a 2 liter bottle when his pecker got stuck.
> 
> Unit: Unit 3 to XXXX Hospital.
> Hospital: Go ahead.
> ...



Cue up Wierd Al Yankovic's Weenie in a Bottle.


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## Shishkabob (Aug 8, 2009)

"I can't take epinephrine, I'm allergic to it"

"Ok... what makes you think you're allergic to adrenaline?"

"It makes my heart beat real fast!"


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## medicp94dao (Aug 25, 2009)

kittaypie said:


> "female, chief complaint va-jay-jay bleed."
> 
> (on a patient report given over the radio)



OMG!!!!! sounds like some of my patients...... are you sure you dont go to University of Notre Dame....  that is hilarious


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## emt_angel25 (Aug 26, 2009)

ok had to share this one. our first crew was dispatched for a "sick case" bright and early this morning. when the crew was getting patient report from dispatch the dispatcher says 'your pt is a 76 y/o male with a history of death.' now there is a small break before he comes back on the radio takes a deep breath and gives the actual pt report. it takes the responding crew a few moments to respond because everytime the radio cued up all you could hear were sirens and hysterical laughter.


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## JonTullos (Aug 26, 2009)

Hahahahaha  NIce.  BTW, that line will now live for a while longer in my sig. ;-)


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## absolutesteve81 (Aug 26, 2009)

Actually heard on the police frequency while sitting at work

Officer1: “XX, what your 20?”
Officer2: “Out west” (One of their personal codes for a specific location)
Officer1: (Apparently not aware of that location) “West??”
Officer2: “10-3, if you are facing east, just turn around”


Here's a back and forth with a dispatcher

Me: “Ambulance six is on scene, mileage of one”
Dispatcher: “10-4 six, Copy on scene at <time>. What was your mileage?”
Me: <Making sure to pause to ensure the radio connects> “One mile”
Dispatcher: “10-9”
Me: "On scene, One Mile"
Dispatcher: "Six, Nine Miles? Please repeat"
Me: “One mile, ONE, una milla”
Dispatcher: “diez cuatro”


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## *EMT-n-training* (Aug 28, 2009)

ok so one time my ex boyfriend and i were going to a fire and i didnt know his radios were sitting in the seat with me and when i sat down i accidently cued them up so everyone heard us having an arguemnet on the way to the scene .. dispatch came back and said "sounds like someones not having fun"


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## hjp31bravoMP (Oct 1, 2009)

piranah said:


> happened on a busy busy day....
> 
> me: rescue 2 to 510, rescue 2 is going to be back and town and available.
> dispatch:.....not for long.....(with sly voice)




I dispatched for the University PD (we have city, county, university PDs and EMT in the same town) before deploying and I can honestly say I have heard that line. It was during the University's homecoming and we had more AAIs (Acute Alcohol Intoxications) than you could shake a stick at. The last unit had just called themselves available when the dispatcher replied "Not for long" before procedding to dispatch them out again. I couldn't help but laugh...and then the phone in our office rang. Karma can really be a you-know.


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## mycrofft (Oct 1, 2009)

*Here are two...*

(On tape from Offutt Air Force Base Fire-Rescue/SAC Headquarters, 1977)
(Incoming emergency phone): "This is Sarpy County Sheriffs, we are following a bright light in the sky and request aircraft to check it out".
(19 y/o screwup firefighter relegated to Alarm Room operator) "ARE YOU SHI%#IN' ME?".


Second one: (hometown PD trying to catch someone driving a souped up 2 cycle go-kart at high speed through residential neighborhood. Usual chatter, only one car in pursuit but kart keeps outturning him, whenfinally the kart cuts up a driveway, through a yard, and out the back to the next alley, losing the cops):
PD driver: "The kart's left Maple street through the Smiths' yard and is out of sight".
PD driver's partner in background, sees kart has cut back across thier street from one driveway and up another, screaming): "Lookit that sumb*ch GO!!!".:blush:


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## EMTinNEPA (Oct 2, 2009)

One of our part-timers is also a LifeFlight dispatcher.  This is from the other day...

Base: "LifeFlight Operations, Fair Medical Base."
LF: "This is LifeFlight Ops, go ahead."
Base: "Happy birthday!"
*10 second pause*
LF: "0947."


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## DGreno (Oct 2, 2009)

Dispatch: any units 10-8 for a cutting and a shooting call?
(The medic unit was taking their time at the hospital and waiting for a "good" call)
Medic: M2 10-8, whats the location of the call?
Dispatch: 10-4 M2, cut across broad st. and shoot up main st. for a sick case at XXX apartments. 
Medic: That's not cool.
Dispatch: Have fun M2.


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## medichopeful (Oct 2, 2009)

One of the police officers or dispatchers on campus accidentally called one of the cops by the wrong name, to which the officer replied "I'm not that bald and short."


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## cruzJD (Oct 2, 2009)

I don’t know how funny this is but every one was LOL when they played the tape in our meeting last week.

We got a call to assist at a local high school foot ball game where one of the BLS busses decided to go hang out for a few hours.  We have a 30 to 40 min drive to ER.

Dispatch- respond to ___ high school to the 30 yard line.
me- I though unit 1 was there. in rout
Unit 1- I’m on the 40 yard line.
Dispatch- A helicopter is in rout where do you want them to stage (me).
me- have them stage on the other teams 30 yard line.  ETA 5 min
Dispatch- unit 2 they want to know if you want them on the north 30 yard line or the south one.
me- have them radio us once they are with in range and I’ll give them more info
Dispatch- me they want to know the status of there PT
me- Unit 1 can you give us some info on why you woke us up for our nap. ETA 2 min
Unit 1- PT 1- is a 15 year old that got hit hard blood coming out of the helmet can not find where, in shock, on blow by o2, semi alert part of the time.  PT 2- 40 something female with asthma on 15 LM, very labored at 10 respirations per min turning blue.  I think there are 6 people in cuffs that are minor and a few more that need cuffs but the cops ran out.
me- arriving tell helicopter to land on the end of the field that dose not have trucks on it, 6 foot fence around field, 60’ light post on the 10, 30, and 50 yard lines.  I think the 20 yard line would work good.  There’s a field goal on the other side on the ends zone.  Will try to have the people cleared out, request a fly by and use caution.  Will coin toss on PT.
Dispatch- 10 4 is that the north or south end of the field.
Me- I think it’s the west end
Helicopter- I read you loud and clear.  Will buzz the trucks and use caution.  My medic calls tails on the PT.  ETA 6 min.


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## ZVNEMT (Oct 5, 2009)

i got a routine house call last year and got some interesting directions from my dispatcher, " Take Gratiot down, go until you see that one church, its been there about 30 years or so.... and make a left... go until you see the blue van thats always parked there... and uh... it's right around there..."

the same dispatcher also has a tendency to yell over the radio, making it impossible to hear him... he was yelling at my partner, my partner being frustrated handed me the radio... i told said dispatcher to repeat what he just said, he kinda mumbles it, i ask him to repeat again, he responds by yelling what he just said.... all i make out is "hospital"... tell him that i can't understand when he yells... he yells louder... i inform him that he was still yelling at me... he finally calms down and mumbles "mrmmrmrmrmm nurse mmrmrmrrmrmrmr telemetry mrmrmrmmrmmrmrmrm st.johns....." the pt we had just taken to a nursing home still had the telemetry on... we had to go get it from her.... 

...please save me.....


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## MAEMT (Oct 7, 2009)

Dispatch: Operations ambulance 33
Us: A33 go ahead ops
Dispatch: A33 head to (facility) 
Us: go ahead for the info
Dispatch: 33 for o/a (facility) for (last name) on (unit) going to (er) for the sob pt is stable flow of traffic please, time now (time) ambulance 33
Us: a33 has the Stable Emergency? (facility) to (er) for the SOB? uhhh ops any other info?
Dispatch: ummm no we didnt get anything else
Us: rcvd....uhhh wow

actual call....a wonderful example of our dispatchers not obtaining ANY information then calling it stable and requesting flow of traffic....and we get there to find an unstable pt almost every time


one from the other day

we arrived @ a facility for a routine dr. appt Transfer to find out pt having increased sob, report from the rn shows pt going out to appt for increased sob decreased activity/energy hx of chf, pneumonia, so on and so forth the following radio traffic ensued

my partner to dispatch: ambulance 33 operations
dispatch: go ahead
My partner: be advised we are diverting to (er) for SOB
dispatch: rcvd 33 (time)

Dispatch: operations Ambulance 33
My Partner: a33
Dispatch: do you have your O2 on?
My Partner:.......uhhh yea......
Dispatch: rcvd

i was @ this point requesting a patch 

Me: cmed cmed (company) 33
CMED: (company)33
Me: Cmed priority 2 bls patch to (ER)
CMED: recieved med 2 med 2
Me: standing by on Med 2 for (ER)
CMED: TONES
Hospital: (ER) online go ahead
on company radio
Dispatch: operations ambulance 33 
My Partner: go ahead
Dispatch: facility is requesting you divert to (ER 2)

Me to CMED: umm CMED Just kidding i need (ER 2)
CMED: so you dont want to talk to (ER)??
Me: ummm no...sorry ER nothing against you
CMED: (laughing) Standby for tones


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## s4l (Oct 14, 2009)

I was chillin' in ED the other night when dispatch tones the ambulance. 

(tone) 
Attention _____ ambulance, you're needed on the north side of the tracks on hwy __ S. Man is in his car puking. He needs a ride to the hospital. LE on scene. 

Stupid thing: This 'patcher always pages the amb and ALWAYS says "___ needs to go to the hospital." Don't peeps usually gotta go to the hospital when they call the amb?

Funny thing: This guy who called had a friend in the car with him. It was 3 blocks.


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## Medic744 (Oct 15, 2009)

My partner and I were on our way back from dropping a pt at the local ER and were still 10 min outside of our territory when this is what we hear....

Dispatch:  Stand by for EMS tone

*tone*

Dispatch:  Attention First Responders please respond to (address)  30 yr old man with back pain s/p MVA a week ago

Radio Silence.....(all of our first responders call in and tell dispatch they will be available, this day nobody did)

Us:  Medic 1 show us responding

Dispatch:  Ok, then I dont need to contact mutual aid?

At this point we realize dispatch took the call and decided to just put it out to the world without knowing if anybody was ABLE to respond.  Policy is if truck is not in service contact MA FIRST, then try for first responders.  Good thing this guy was just being whiney and not really in need of attention.


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## BigBoy (Oct 17, 2009)

all i get is what comes across my pager...
just the other day a nieghboring station was paged out

Dispatch: ___ EMS your need at your hall for a possible domestic violence....


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## DGreno (Oct 17, 2009)

I remembered another one that happened a few months ago.

Dispatch: ____Unit 2, respond to XXXHwy 21 south for a MVC, vehicle vs deer.
Unit 2: Received, en route.
Dispatch: Unit 2, Vehicle vs deer with injuries
Unit 2: Are we going for humans or the deer?
Dispatch:........Um.....Humans.
Unit2: (Laughing) Yeah, I guess that would make sense. I was thinking about the poor deer.  

I had to call my buddy to make sure that was actually what I herd. I was off duty for the FD but was scanning on my radio when I herd it.


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## BigBoy (Oct 20, 2009)

so there is a hospital based ambulance here and the hall is about 30 yards from the er doors.... they just got paged out and it went like this

dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall
            you will be directed when you get there
dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall, that was all i was told.. you will be directed when you get there....

wonder if they transported...  lol


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## Onceamedic (Oct 20, 2009)

Well.. we get a lot of them....  the one I really like is
Station 11 - medical assist - male unresponsive and incoherent...

OK well, he's either one or the other right????

or this one
Station 11 - medical assist - full code - patient is breathing
??????

how about ?

ren (pronounced Hen) - al failure....

it goes on and on...   usually we roll our eyes.


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## dragonjbynight (Oct 21, 2009)

BigBoy said:


> so there is a hospital based ambulance here and the hall is about 30 yards from the er doors.... they just got paged out and it went like this
> 
> dispatch:___ EMS your are need at ____ Hospital for man down in the hall
> you will be directed when you get there
> ...



This happened quite often at the hospital i used to work at. Policy(ins. regulations) did not allow hospital employees to bring a patient in, EMS had to be called.


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## johnrsemt (Oct 21, 2009)

Hospital we went to often had a policy that if the patient or patients family could not get the patient into the ED waiting room,  they didn't do it;  and the hospital would call 911.  we were private service and a few times would be sent into the waiting room to take them to the Triage Desk.   
  they stopped that when we started taking the patients out of the waiting room, to a bigger hospital.    when they realized that they were losing money they changed their policy.


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## lcvfd1135 (Oct 21, 2009)

in lowndes county mississippi 
a vol ff has to pass within 300 yards of a  scene to get a truck as he passes this conversation ensues.

ff to central I CAN SMELL SMOKE
dispatch copy
FF: I can see smoke its in the air boys Roll the tankers im calling all units.
ff to dispatch tone us again i smell it its big.
ff finally gets to station and back enroute 
ff to dispatch be advised on scene smoke coming from the roof its a big one
30 secs later ff to dispatch be advised controlled burn they're burning leaves
after 5 trucks go enroute
dispatch {with laughter in the background) we copy.


----------



## Brandon O (Oct 24, 2009)

Dispatch: "49, what's your ETA to Facility 1?"
49: "........ 13 and a half minutes."
Dispatch: "Uh... okay. What's your ETA to Facility 2?"
49: "........ 11 and a half minutes."
Dispatch: "... copy. Thank you for your precision."


----------



## medichopeful (Oct 26, 2009)

"Don't think too hard.  You don't have too much hair left."


----------



## firefighter89 (Oct 26, 2009)

Just heard this on our county fire dispatch channel. Some one was keying up and saying "I know" in a creepy voice like in a horror movie.

Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Unknown: I know.
Dispatch: What color is my shirt?


----------



## resq330 (Oct 27, 2009)

Last night....


Dispatch...Need units to respond for a subject that is choking on "Raisin Bran" cereal.


I mean....did we really need to know the brand????


----------



## Deltachange (Oct 27, 2009)

Maybe treatment protocol is different for rasin bran as opposed to the treatment for cocoa puffs. One is a choking the other is a Coocoo.


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## nomofica (Oct 28, 2009)

Deltachange said:


> Maybe treatment protocol is different for rasin bran as opposed to the treatment for cocoa puffs. One is a choking the other is a Coocoo.



A coocoo like you?


----------



## usafmedic45 (Oct 28, 2009)

cruzJD said:


> Helicopter- I read you loud and clear.  Will buzz the trucks and use caution.  My medic calls tails on the PT.  ETA 6 min.


That sounds like the start of something that would end with the phrase "The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause of this accident to be...."


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## High Speed Chaser (Oct 28, 2009)

firefighter89 said:


> Just heard this on our county fire dispatch channel. Some one was keying up and saying "I know" in a creepy voice like in a horror movie.
> 
> Unknown: I know.
> Unknown: I know.
> ...



Cadets most times get to use the radios and we think one of them was accidentally keying it every so often so the dispatcher says, I hear voices in my head. The team leader at the FAP I was stationed at happened to be a nurse in a Psych Ward. The nurse proceeds to ask the dispatcher over the radio about the voices.

Dispatcher: I hear voices in my head
Nurse: Is there one voice or multiple voices?
Dispatcher: one voice
Nurse: And this voice, does it try to tell you what to do?
Dispatcher: Sometimes mate
anyway the questions kept going for a few minutes before the dispatcher stopped responding to the nurse. I think the boss heard :unsure:


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## fillingim (Oct 28, 2009)

*Funny Grass Fire Conversation*

Dispatch: Unit X, respond to address for a small grass fire
Unit X: Received, show Rescue en route. Be advised, this will be on the border of our service area. Please notify Unit Y.
Dispatch: Received. Stand By
Unit Y: Unit Y receives direct. Brush 1 will be en route shortly. Unit X, continue to location and advise of what you have.
Unit X: Recieved
<<<<<<Moments Later>>>>>>
Unit X: Dispatch show Unit X Rescue on location in Unit Y's area with a small grass fire. Break. Unit Y, you can cancel if you want. We can handle.
Unit Y: Unit Y receives. Dispatch show Unit Y cancelling per Unit X. Break. Unit X, are yall going to put the fire out??
Unit X: Umm, as soon as we get a brush truck on scene.


----------



## Scottpre (Oct 29, 2009)

*Dumbest thing on the radio*

I was sent to a situation with a dog threatening some people while working as an EMT at the local Casino. Non incident. Tried to the get dog to a place we could lock it up for animal control. Thought I'd lure it with a cookie.

ME to security guard: Hey, can I get a cookie to lure the dog with?
Security guard over radio: The EMT needs a cookie....
Dispatch: EMT needs a WHAT?? 
Anonymous security on the radio: Tell him to get his own damn cookie...


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## firefighter89 (Nov 3, 2009)

High Speed Chaser said:


> Cadets most times get to use the radios and we think one of them was accidentally keying it every so often so the dispatcher says, I hear voices in my head. The team leader at the FAP I was stationed at happened to be a nurse in a Psych Ward. The nurse proceeds to ask the dispatcher over the radio about the voices.
> 
> Dispatcher: I hear voices in my head
> Nurse: Is there one voice or multiple voices?
> ...


This one shut up when the dispatcher responded to him.


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## RyanMidd (Nov 3, 2009)

This came after staging outside a rural residence for about 1 hour while the patient was in an armed standoff with local LEOs.

"Lloyd Ambulance, Lloyd dispatch. Respond to residence for patient retrieval. No vital signs. RCMP has secured the scene and they are ready to receive you inside the house. I repeat, there are no vital signs."

I enter the residence, 3 RCMP on the left side of the living room, each holding confiscated weapons. Patient is on a couch on the right side of the room in handcuffs.

I approach the patient, place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. He opens his eyes and looks at me.

"How are you doing sir?"

"Pretty :censored::censored::censored::censored:ty, but I'm okay when I take my epilepsy meds."

"Okay. I'm gonna check you out before--" Radio cuts in, "Lloyd Ambulance, Lloyd hospital. The RCMP repeat that the patient displays no vital signs."

We replied "Lloyd hospital, Lloyd Ambulance. Thank you, and we will let you know when we are en-route to hospital."


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## Pudge40 (Nov 8, 2009)

Heard a dispatch a little bit ago.

Company XXX XYZ Hospital Building J Seizures.

WTF they are at the hospital already.

and this one happened to my executive director during a snow storm.

Unit: Berks, medic XXXX can I get directions to the address?

Dispatcher: Medic XXXX take the next left, follow that road until you get to the green house, then take a right, it will be the house with the red mailbox out front.

Unit: Berks, Medic XXXX Uhhhh everything from where we are sitting is white.


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## Foxbat (Nov 8, 2009)

Pudge40 said:


> Heard a dispatch a little bit ago.
> Company XXX XYZ Hospital Building J Seizures.
> WTF they are at the hospital already.


My service used to be dispatched pretty often to a hospital nearby until a private company signed a contract with them. That hospital mostly did rehabilitation and such and had to send pts. with acute conditions to hospitals with ERs and ICUs.
Heck, some hospitals with ER call EMS for patients who have an emergency right in front of their ER  due to liability concerns.


I love when you (fire, EMS, whatever) get dispatched to, say, MVA with entrapment, and the first unit on scene requests other units "to expedite". Thanks, we were actually going to finish our coffee at the station and drive as slowly as we could, but now that you ask us to expedite, that's a different story... And I'm not talking about calls that initially were dispatched not as high-priority.


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## NREMTB12 (Nov 15, 2009)

Here is one on a busy day.

Dispatch: Standy Medic 83
tones
Dispatch: Medic 83, Emergency, (nursing home) for a ** y/o female pt. having severe leg pain, pt. has no legs


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## Onceamedic (Nov 15, 2009)

NREMTB12 said:


> Here is one on a busy day.
> 
> Dispatch: Standy Medic 83
> tones
> Dispatch: Medic 83, Emergency, (nursing home) for a ** y/o female pt. having severe leg pain, pt. has no legs



phantom pain in all likelihood - no laughing matter


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## Seaglass (Nov 15, 2009)

New clueless dispatcher:

Dispatch: One, please respond to... 
Engine 1: Dispatch, was that for Engine 1 or Medic 1? 
Dispatch: Medic. 

Wouldn't have been that bad, except that she kept doing the same thing all day.


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## NREMTB12 (Nov 16, 2009)

ya i know it was phantom pains but saying that over the radio was just a dumb thing, and supervision def. noticed it and werent too thrilled.


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## flhtci01 (Nov 16, 2009)

We have a nursing and rehab facility.  The unofficial name is DNR, short for D**** Nursing and Rehab.

Dispatch: Respond to DNR, man down.

Needless to say the supervisor was not happy about using DNR on the radio.


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## Two-Speed (Dec 4, 2009)

First one is my own screw-up on the radio. 

"52XX Priority 8 (which I later learned meant standby) at XX/XYZ turnoff" (a place we had stood by many times before)

Me:  "Dispatch, 52XX is 10-8 Priority 8 to <mumbles> What the hell?"

"10-4, 52XX, you're 10-8 to XX/XYZ"   

There was just one too many numbers in the transmission for me to work with at that time of the day apparently. 

Second was between Dispatch, the Supervisor, and two ambulances. 

Supervisor: "53XX is 10-8 to **** to staff 54XX"
Dispatch: (later on in the day) "54XX Priority 4 to ******"
54XX (upon packing the pt) "54XX is 10-8 to *** Hospital, I am (supervisor) attending"
52XX:  "54XX, do you even remember how to do that?"


----------



## Manic_Wombat (Dec 5, 2009)

Woke up one morning with my scanner going off for one of the many other local volunteer fire departments...

*Tones*

Fire Control: Department xx, respond for a... uhhhh...... car fire.... at the uhhhh... in the uhhhhhh... fire station parking lot

XX FD Officer (the on duty driver): Yeah copy that fire control, unit xxx is responding to the parking lot...

Fire Control: Received unit xxx

XX FD Officer (2 seconds later): (laughing) Fire control, Unit xx will be on scene

Now that particular fire department has an automatic mutual aid agreement with another local FD to respond with a tanker to all fires in their district. So 5 seconds later:

*Tones*

Fire Control: Department xy, respond mutual aid for a car fire in department xx's parking lot, unit xxx will be on scene

XY FD Driver: (Also laughing) Received Fire Control, responding to the xx fd's parking lot mutual aid

The exchange went on like this for awhile, I just loved how the responding units at the fire department that actually had the car fire kept calling in and laughing because they only pulled the trucks outside the bay while everybody else walked out the front door to the parking lot. Never found out how bad it actually was or what started it though.


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## DrParasite (Dec 5, 2009)

first a little background:  the ALS units in my system are 2x0y numbered, with x corresponding to the shift, and y the unit unit.  This particular call involved the night shift unit 2403. and occurred at approx 1103pm

unit: 2403 is available, cancelled by BLS

me: 2403 available, cancelled by BLS, 2303 hours.

unit: uhhh, dispatch you have us as the wrong unit, we are 2403, not 2303.

me: look at your wrist watch......

unit: (laughing in the background) ok, point for you this time.

also received a phone call from the crew on this one, and I am curious which other field crews were laughing when they heard this.


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## trevor1189 (Dec 6, 2009)

Not the dumbest thing I've heard on the radio, but today at least.

County Control be advised we have snow accumulation, can you notify PENNDOT that the roads are getting slick. (This was today in the middle of a snow storm, we got about 2" of snow. By the way dispatchers have a live weather radar screen in the Communication Center, they know it's snowing!)

Ok, now mine... It's a toss up, you decide.

"County Ambulance XX...correction Ambulance 1-XX responding" (First call I ran as an EMT I was a little excited. Our trucks rotate first due, I guess I didn't know what truck I was in.)

"County Ambulance XX..."(Was going to say we are available but my partner asked why I was calling county as he had already placed us available). "Go ahead Ambulance XX." "Disregard County...." lol


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## RescueYou (Dec 8, 2009)

Medic 3: Dispatch, we are on scene.
Dispatch: 10-4
*30 seconds later*
Medic 3: Dispatch, we have a code blue.
Dispatch: 10-4
*1 min later*
Dispatch: Medic 3, are you busy?

hmmm...


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## illini_emt3191 (Dec 12, 2009)

Me: "82XX, Respond to 1XX Brady Lane for 85M PT, Tachycardia, 19-C-6."

Unit "82XX, irony.. I Mean, En Route"


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## johnrsemt (Dec 12, 2009)

Engine that was dispatched to investigate a slippery substance in the intersection,  in January, in Indianapolis;  during a freezing rain storm.

    surprisingly    it was ice


----------



## Captn' Tuddle (Dec 16, 2009)

A fire truck responded to a tree branch that had fallen on some power lines and was talking with the local electric company. 

Electric: Can you describe the damage?
FF: Yeah, small branch is caught in the wires. It's on fire and there are sparks shooting from the wire.
Electric: Ok, don't touch it.

- Duh -


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 24, 2009)

Linuss said:


> "Pt is severely dead"
> 
> 
> I kid you not.




   and  also  ....

On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:

Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
Me: Thanks, Dispatch, I wasn't expecting a reply at this wonderful hour.
Dispatch: Neither was I.

About 10 Minutes Later:

Me: Dispatch, L2 will be in route to station.
Dispatch: 10-4 L2, be advised you have 4 bogeys 6 o'clock high bugging out.
Me: Copy bogeys, this is Ghostrider requesting fly-by.
Dispatch: Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full.
Me: Copy, pattern full, we will be arriving on Runway 17 North in approx. 45 seconds.
Dispatch: Roger, call the ball.
Me: L2 has the ball.
Dispatch: You're too low! Pull Up! PULL UP!
Me: Arrived at base safe and sound. Thank you for flying Psychiatric Airlines, hope you have a Wonderful day!



 **  LMFAO  at both !


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 24, 2009)

THIS  JUST  IN !!!!!   

 IM LISTENING TO MY SCANNER. ...

DISPATCH ---  BLS 114  RESPOND  TO - A B C  STREET FOR A PSYCH EVAL 

DISPATCH ---  BLS 114   THE SCENE IS SAFE!  *said with some conviction*

BLS  114 ---  *SILENCE*   *YOU HEAR PARTNER IN BACKROUND*  
                       "HOW THE HELL DOES HE KNOW !?"

BLS 114 ---   OTHER PARTNER - WHILE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH ... "BLS 114  RECEIVED"



   I love  it !  I love it !  hahaha


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## writchey (Dec 24, 2009)

Lol


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## writchey (Dec 24, 2009)

*This is the Best*

Wonderful, great, Outstanding..!!! 



medic89 said:


> On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:
> 
> Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
> Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
> ...


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## writchey (Dec 24, 2009)

Good point..on dispatchs part


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## tactics (Dec 24, 2009)

*call*

Dispatch: Att. Medic 55 need you to respond to 123 Ball Ln., had a female call in and say that she and her friend were smoking marijuana and she thinks that her friend is having an allergic reaction.  The whole time the dispatchers could not help cracking up.  I know that it isn't as funny in writing but if you want to listen to the call go to www.scannerfood.com and click on the media link, then click on the 420 call for Washington County.


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## pvfd62med22 (Dec 27, 2009)

Mine would be the other day.... (this takes place around 9pm)

Dispatch: *tone* Attn A6 Engine 4 respond to the Walmart parking lot for a 89 Year old Male possible Code.
E4: Engine 4 received responding to Walmart parking lot for the possible code.
A6: A6 received responding to Walmart parking lot for the possible code.
L1: Dispatch, Ladder 1 We are in the area and will also be responding.
Dispatch: Received Ladder 1 your also responding.

*A few minutes ltr*

E4: Dispatch E4 on scene investigating. C5 will have scene command.
Dispatch: received E4 on scene investigating. C5 will have scene command.

*A few minutes ltr*

L1: Dispatch, L1 on scene with E4.
Dispatch: Received L1 your on scene.
C5: Dispatch be advised CPR in progress..
Dispatch: Received C5 CPR in progress... Dispatch A6?
A6: A6 received direct and on scene.... _E4 where abouts are you:unsure:...?_

C5: Ummm Look for the Big red trucks with the flashy lights<_<...

A6: Ahh Right:blush:


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 27, 2009)

pvfd62med22 said:


> Mine would be the other day.... (this takes place around 9pm)
> 
> Dispatch: *tone* Attn A6 Engine 4 respond to the Walmart parking lot for a 89 Year old Male possible Code.
> E4: Engine 4 received responding to Walmart parking lot for the possible code.
> ...




 hahaha    Yea  look for the lights.. ya  cant miss us  ..  or  can you? haha


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## EMSBLONDIE24 (Dec 27, 2009)

Dispatcher: "-- y/o has a history of multiple deaths." 
Rig -- "...." : :glare:
Dispatcher: "Rig --? Do you copy?"
Rig-- "10-4 dispatch, we copy." (Said while hysterical laughter is heard in the backround) "We are just trying to figure out how you can have multiple deaths."
Dispatcher: "Don't ask me."

Upon arrival it was found the pt had a history of suicide attempts.


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 27, 2009)

haha


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 29, 2009)

*Are you down ? *

Not the dumbest  but pretty funny. 
  I was  just listening to my scanner  and    i  heard a bls unit get called out.
  their response  ... 

  "baby are you  down , down down down down,   dooowwwnn  dowwwnnn "

 They forgot to turn their  radio down - no pun intended and thats  the song that played.   

 *laughter* 
 Mic  breaks because the emt cant talk

"Received"


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## Mario1105 (Dec 29, 2009)

i wouldnt call this dumb rather then funny 

Dispatch: respond to lady scratched in the face by a cat 

MEDIC: *music playing* CAT SCRATCH FEVER


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## DV_EMT (Dec 29, 2009)

I heard a funny one a few weeks ago... during christmas shopping.

*Dispatch*: Medic 3 respond to XX mall to the Victoria Secret for an Unresponsive female.
*Medic 3*: Medic 3, enroute.


*Dispatch*: Medic 3, information
*Medic 3*: Dispatch, go ahead
*Dispatch*: Medic 3, Pt's friend state that the pt's bra may have been on too tight causing a syncopal episode. Pt now AOx3
*Medic 3*: copy dispatch, we'll make this one a code 2 (no l&s)


----------



## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 29, 2009)

That is too funny ! 
 However  I would  die of embarrassment if I had to call 911  while  I was  trying on bras.    Just skip dinner boys,  and send me to Vickies to try on bras and have trouble breathing, then you get to see what you want, and not have to pay for a nice dinner  

  I AM JOKING !    BUY A GIRL DINNER ! LOL


----------



## Mario1105 (Dec 30, 2009)

Trauma's Mistress said:


> That is too funny !
> However  I would  die of embarrassment if I had to call 911  while  I was  trying on bras.    Just skip dinner boys,  and send me to Vickies to try on bras and have trouble breathing, then you get to see what you want, and not have to pay for a nice dinner
> 
> I AM JOKING !    BUY A GIRL DINNER ! LOL



then get what we want?


----------



## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 30, 2009)

haha  No, but if you want to look at the situation strategically and by a percentage system  look at it this way ... 

  Dinner  increases your   chances  that  MAYBE something might happen. 
 No dinner means   No chance,  

  *disclaimer * 
 The chances of anything happen is really unlikely. If you think that it will, then you need to be seen by your local doctor. If the symptoms increase or get worse, see your  left hand right away  after dropping the girl off to her home   LOL


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## pvfd62med22 (Dec 30, 2009)

Trauma's Mistress said:


> *disclaimer *
> The chances of anything happen is really unlikely. If you think that it will, then you need to be seen by your local doctor. If the symptoms increase or get worse, see your  left hand right away  after dropping the girl off to her home   LOL



HAHAHAHAHAH 

Of course.. my wallet is always lighter after dinner.. makes it easier with the other 20 lbs of gear i carry..lol


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## Trauma's Mistress (Dec 30, 2009)

haha


----------



## RescueYou (Dec 31, 2009)

Oh that's funny


----------



## spiffy (Jan 12, 2010)

MAEMT said:


> Dispatch: Operations ambulance 33
> Us: A33 go ahead ops
> Dispatch: A33 head to (facility)
> Us: go ahead for the info
> ...



Just a quick question... I'm in beginning stages of learning EMS... what does a SOB mean?


----------



## EMSLaw (Jan 12, 2010)

spiffy said:


> Just a quick question... I'm in beginning stages of learning EMS... what does a SOB mean?



Shortness of breath.


----------



## spiffy (Jan 12, 2010)

EMSLaw said:


> Shortness of breath.



thank you very much... i should have been able to figure it out. grr.


----------



## Brandon O (Jan 12, 2010)

spiffy said:


> Just a quick question... I'm in beginning stages of learning EMS... what does a SOB mean?



Supervisor on Board <_<


----------



## nomofica (Jan 12, 2010)

brandon oto said:


> supervisor on board <_<



lmao


----------



## flhtci01 (Jan 15, 2010)

Unit XX, respond to XXXX for out of control 11 y/o.


----------



## CvlSrvnt (Jan 15, 2010)

During an ice storm, a crew was dispatched for hospital-to-hospital transfer, going about 40 miles away.
Crew: Um, dispatch...it's gonna take us a looong time to get there.
Dispatch: Ya think?

Same dispatcher, different day:
"Ambulance XXX, Medic YY states your lights are still on.  That may be why people keep getting out of your way."

And last week, ALS unit dispatched for "pt not feeling well" call at a local nursing home.
Crew: Dispatch, is there BLS in the area?
Dispatch: Negative.  That's why we're sending you.


----------



## frdude1000 (Jan 15, 2010)

Dispatch: Dispatch to Ambulance 5
A5: Go Ahead
Dispatch: Is this your mobile radio your talking on?
A5: What??
Dispatch: Are you speaking on your mobile or portable radio?
A5: Huh?
Dispatch: IS THIS THE RADIO MOUNTED TO THE DASHBOARD OF YOUR AMBULANCE?
A5: Yes, sorry


----------



## dmc2007 (Jan 16, 2010)

Working Campus EMS (dispatched by University PD):

Control to EMS respond to Dorm X for male who cut himself a half hour ago.


----------



## I-cant-fix-stupid (Jan 22, 2010)

*Big Bad Wolf*

Medic 121- Dispatch we are unable to find our address.

Dispatch (snottily)- The house you are looking for is between the brick one and the one with blue wood siding

Medic 121- Dispatch... is it made of straw?

Dispatch- Click...Click...That is SO unprofessional!


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## pvfd62med22 (Jan 22, 2010)

Us during the snowstorm the other day (lots of cars off the road)

Ctrl: Dispatch to A1.

Us: A1 is on go ahead.

Ctrl: A1 can you plz respond to Adams Rd Hwy Dept is reporting car into a tree Fire units responding.

Us: A1 received responding Adams rd for the MVA

Ctrl: Recved. A1 responding be advised Pd will be enroute as soon as they clear from the other accident.

Us(about 15 min ltr): Ctrl, A1 on scene with the Hwy Dept.

Ctrl: received Al your on scene @ 1805hrs.

Us: Ctrl be advised this is going to be a Pt refusal Minimal damage to the car/ A1 will be in service on scene completing paperwork.

Ctrl: Recived pt refusal your in service completing paperwork.

Fire: Ctrl, x1 

Ctrl: Go ahead X1.

Fire: X1, x6, portable 16 and 20, and E4 will be on scene X1 will have command..

Ctrl: Received X1, x6, portable 16 and 20, and E4 will be on scene X1 will have command

PD (a few minutes later): Control (PDunit)7

Ctrl: go ahead...

Pd: Looking for a better location of the accident on Adams Rd..

Ctrl: It will be where the A1 the entire Fd and the Hwy dept are... ok?

Pd: recived...


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## fire_911medic (Jan 22, 2010)

*Radio Roundup*

This happened during an ice storm several years ago that decided to take out the fencing of the property 

Dispatch :  Medic 2 - please respond to Hwy 772  

Medic 2 :  What's the nature of the call ?

Dispatch :  PD has requested fire assistance and standby 

Medic 2 :  Ummm, what the heck, but okay

Ten minutes later

Medic 2 to Medic 6 (my truck) :  respond to station 4

Me :  back up needed?

Medic 2 :  No, but PD requests you ASAP

Me :  What's going on?

Medic 2 :  Because your horses are being corralled in the fire dept and with the cruisers and fire isn't real happy with your horses depositing presents in the bay

Me :  Are you sure they're mine ?

PD :  We know they're yours - I read the halter of the one that stuck it's head through my window

ME :  Okay, copy that PD we're enroute

Got there to find all 9 of my horses crammed into the bay and being fed leftover biscuits.  Turns out the ice storm had caused a tree to fall on the fencing taking out a section where they were allowing them to go on a tour of the town...


----------



## fire_911medic (Jan 22, 2010)

*Touche'*

My partner and I were notorious for "willing" calls - we'd talk about it and we'd get it.  Were sitting around one day made the comment we hadn't had a code in a while and that it was pretty cool, was feelin pretty good about the state of the county, had the radio on and was jammin away.  Dispatch broke the good mood 

Dispatch :  Medic 2 respond to **** Russell Ave for a code 500

Us :  (in the background playing _Another one bites the dust_)

Dispatch (laughing):  10-4 and You might want to change the radio channel


----------



## fire_911medic (Jan 22, 2010)

*One of them days*

Had been a REALLY long shift, and was nearing the end of 60 straight and ready to head home when got last call

Dispatch :  Medic 2 respond to Hwy 80 for MCI

Me :  Oh *Censored Word* you've got to be kidding me

Dispatch :  Bystanders report multiple severe patients

Me:  Roll mutual aid from surrounding counties

Dispatch :  10-4

(ten minutes later)

Dispatch :  Bystanders request you step it up

Me :  We're going as fast as we can please put helicopter on standby

Dispatch :  10-4 , S.O., fish and wildlife and vehicle enforcement in route (that shoulda tipped me off to something)

(arrive on scene to find multiple "patients" that are now dead - patients was three deer that were hit and S.O. had shot prior to our arrival and failed to call us off in the "excitement")

Me :  Uh, dispatch you can cancel the helicopter

Dispatch :  are you transporting by ground?

Me :  Negative - S.O. has killed them

Dispatch :  Are you requesting the coroner?

Me :  No, S.O. is tying them to the hood and taking them back for dinner

Dispatch :  WHAT?

Me :  The patients were deer...

Dispatch :  Oh, 10-4, tell them to bring me some Bambi !

(Only in the country !)


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## pvfd62med22 (Jan 23, 2010)

fire_911medic said:


> This happened during an ice storm several years ago that decided to take out the fencing of the property



Would this have been the Dec of '08 Ice storm that Slammed the Upper New England area.. particularly the Upstate NY and WestMASS?


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## themuffin101 (Jan 23, 2010)

i was dispatched to a house where a woman's "water broke", and she was screaming( strong language barrier) so everyone was responding thinking this woman was crowning.  We get there and find out her "water pipe broke" and she burned her hands from the hot water. Very minor burns lol


----------



## fire_911medic (Jan 23, 2010)

pvfd62med22 said:


> Would this have been the Dec of '08 Ice storm that Slammed the Upper New England area.. particularly the Upstate NY and WestMASS?




No, the one prior - '03 or '05 I can't recall off top of my head sorry !  Pretty sure it was '03 though !


----------



## Manic_Wombat (Jan 29, 2010)

Heard this on our flycar's scanner while coming back from a code:

"Fire control to 1281"

"1281 online go ahead"

"Uhhh 1281... your back door is loose!"

At first nobody said anything, but the whole car burst into laughter about 2 seconds later, and we proceeded to laugh all the way back to the station.


----------



## RescueYou (Jan 29, 2010)

Driving down Main St...

"Dispatch to Squad 1"
"Squad 1. Go ahead dispatch."
"Stop. You've been hit from behind."
...silence...
"We have???"

Turns out a woman driving a minivan wasn't paying attention and was following too close. She ended up rear-ending the truck and when it was all said and done, the sticker on the back of the truck that reads "STAY BACK 500 FEET" was about 3 inches from her face....lol
She later tried to sue the crew for slamming their brakes on....she lost.


----------



## EMTCLM (Feb 3, 2010)

We got dispatched to a local facility for an unknown medical. The address dispatch gave us did not correspond to the building where we were sent.

Ambulance: "Uhhh...that's not an apartment here...we can't find them..."

Dispatch: "AWESOME!!! Standby"

Ambulance: "Roger..."

We got to 'em eventually.


----------



## bravesfan160 (Feb 19, 2010)

I work for a service that does mostly transports and a few nursing home emergencies.  Our dispatchers are trained on _how_ to dispatch, but not what anything in the medical field means.

We received a call for respiratory distress and altered mental status, and dispatch was kind enough to inform us that they had a trachia.

Arived on scene to find that the patient had a teacheostomy.


----------



## hreeves877 (Feb 20, 2010)

BLS crew dispatched for a patient assist, came in 3rd party.  Apparently caller's mom fell, but they weren't sure if she was inside or outside the residence.  Local fire whacker, who was an EMT on the responding rig went on scene as follows:  "XXXX on scene, 2 story residence, nothing showing, we'll be out investigating".  Find it funny or annoying, depending on your view of fire whackers, lol.


----------



## Michael Sykes (Feb 20, 2010)

HasTy said:


> I know we have the dispatchers thread but I thought it would be worth a few laughs to hear the dumbest things we have heard on the radio period whether it be from a dispatcher or from unit to unit what have you...



Many years ago, long before 911, a neighboring VFD went out on a run in the middle of the night. I leaned over to listen to the call. I couldn't hear what the responding unit said, but the Chief, who was dispatching, said, "Hey! Cut out that squirrely s*it on the fire radio!"


----------



## VFFforpeople (Feb 21, 2010)

hreeves877 said:


> BLS crew dispatched for a patient assist, came in 3rd party.  Apparently caller's mom fell, but they weren't sure if she was inside or outside the residence.  Local fire whacker, who was an EMT on the responding rig went on scene as follows:  "XXXX on scene, 2 story residence, nothing showing, we'll be out investigating".  Find it funny or annoying, depending on your view of fire whackers, lol.



Alright to give a little fun poke back to ya hehe (all friendly).

So, sitting at my station listening to the radio when me and a few guys hear: Medic:"XX Base hospital" 
Hospital: "xxx go ahead"
Medic:"We have a 50/1/49 1/2"


----------



## MS Medic (Feb 23, 2010)

Was dispatched for a dog bite to the penis. What was probably even funnier was listening to me try and give radio report to the hospital.


----------



## hreeves877 (Feb 23, 2010)

MS Medic said:


> Was dispatched for a dog bite to the penis. What was probably even funnier was listening to me try and give radio report to the hospital.



This is why I love the system I work in.  Instead of having to call the hospital ourselves, the county does it for us.  So when we go transporting for a call like that, all I would have to say is "Medic XXX, class X to XX hospital, dog bite, ETA of XX."  Saves us from having to deal with anything like that over the radio.


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## FLEMTP (Feb 23, 2010)

Just heard a dispatch a lil bit ago that had me shakin my head.. in florida we get flowers and trees blooming multiple times a year.... and its going on right now... 

Well I hear a dispatch go out ... "respond for a possible HAZMAT...caller stating there is a yellow powder like substance all over his driveway and vehicle.. possibly pollen"


its like.. are you KIDDING ME!?


----------



## MTEMTB (Mar 9, 2010)

I was responding to a rural fire in a CRP field, the neighbors just call me directly.

I radio'd in about responding to the fire and the dispatcher came back," Do you have the phone number for this fire?" "Not at this moment." Hard to look in a phonebook while driving down a dirt road.

Heard this one go out one night. Poor crew.
"196 respond to campground x for a 21yo pt."

"196 responding, what is the nature of this call?"

"Pt has violent vomiting and also has uncontrolable diahari." 

Long pause

"Copy dispatch."


----------



## EMTCLM (Apr 15, 2010)

Dispatcher: " Engine xxx, Be advised...there are janitors on scene."
Engine xxx: " Rrrrrrogerrrrr!"


----------



## hreeves877 (Apr 16, 2010)

Just heard this one...PD dispatcher was asking the supervisor to clear an abandoned 911..."on call back, female verified all information and said it was a butt dial".  Just to hear butt dial over the radio made me do a double take, "mis-dial" or "accidental" is the usual.....


----------



## foxfire (Apr 16, 2010)

EMTCLM said:


> Dispatcher: " Engine xxx, Be advised...there are janitors on scene."
> Engine xxx: " Rrrrrrogerrrrr!"



Gotta watch out for those janitors, never know what they might do.h34r:


----------



## Spirit (Apr 19, 2010)

Its amazing how much stupid/funny stuff you hear the later it gets at night  haha


----------



## EMS11 (May 3, 2010)

<HQ was trying several times to reach us while standing by at a school dance>


HQ: "Dammit EMSxx respond."

Me: "Yeah we're here go ahead."

HQ: "I was asking you for your crew assignment."

Me: "Oh, its C-1, and B-13. Sorry I'm not thinking clearly, the DJ just played Vanilla Ice"


----------



## LanCo EMT (May 3, 2010)

One of my first calls:

Dispatch: -- y/o unconscious female, suicide attempt

Driver:  Is the scene safe?

Dispatch: ....She's unconscious, I don't think she poses much of a threat.


----------



## Lucid21 (May 4, 2010)

Dispatch from Baltimore City.

Dispatch: Units standby for one down, not breathing, known shooting, CPR not in progress

Medic 4: Medic 4's got it
Medic 15: Medic 15's got it
Medic 5: Medic 5's got it
Medic 21 Medic 21's got it
Medic 3: Medic 3's got it

City Dispatch: *click*....... game on!


Another one in Montgomery County, MD

A702: Montgomery, place us OOS
Montgomery: Nature please
A702: We lost our cot
Montgomery: Ok A702


----------



## txmedic12 (May 5, 2010)

*This happened to me last week*

We were on a train vs car out in the far end of the county. 

Me: "Command, 441 is on scene requesting staging instructions"
Command: "Uhhh.... 441 go ahead and continue to standby at station 3"
Me: "Negative command, we called in route 10 minutes ago... We are on scene now"
Command: "Oh uhhh... well go ahead and cancel we don't need any more help"


----------



## EMS11 (May 6, 2010)

well this one was said over the P.A. but it was MEANT to be said on the radio, the officer grabbed the wrong mike...

<the cops were clearing a MVC, and one of the cars still had their overheads on..>

Car1: "Hey Chris, shut your overheads off, you're flashing everyone...." 
*EVERYONE, and i do mean everyone started laughing because only the second part made it through the P.A.


----------



## EMS11 (May 6, 2010)

I remember this one from Visiting my friends FD in PA. I heard this go over to a neighboring town

"County is paging, Station XX, XXEMS respond for the  15yo male, that pulled his foreskin back on his (well u can guess), its becoming stuck and he wants it unstuck..." *Repeats page*

3 reasons this was a GEM of a call

1) the EMS squad paged, was all female
2) It was transmitted countywide
3) those tones dropped in the middle of their monthly meeting


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## EMSLaw (May 6, 2010)

LanCo EMT said:


> One of my first calls:
> 
> Dispatch: -- y/o unconscious female, suicide attempt
> 
> ...



With all due respect to the dispatcher, just because the /patient/ isn't a danger doesn't mean the scene is safe.  The unconscious patient in the middle of a riot, for example.


----------



## NYBLS (May 6, 2010)

EMSLaw said:


> With all due respect to the dispatcher, just because the /patient/ isn't a danger doesn't mean the scene is safe.  The unconscious patient in the middle of a riot, for example.



Agreed. How do you know it was a suicide attempt? Maybe someone is trying to cover up a murder scene making it look like a suicide.


----------



## lsetzer (May 12, 2010)

Dispatch: "center is confused"

and

Medic: *Mic keyed up, but speaking to someone else on scene* Ma'am, this guy is stone cold graveyard dead *then speaking into the mic* Medic 34 medcom, were on scene w/ one DOS, PD on scene.


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## emt_angel25 (May 19, 2010)

arriving on scene of a motorcycle crash that when was dispatched there wasnt a 100%  for sure location.

Me: medic 86 on scene

Dispatch: medic 86 can you give us a better location of the accident?

Me: 3 tenths of a mile south of the city limits

Dispatch: anything further?

Me: negative. well we are parked on the wrong side of the highway. if other responding units pass the ambulance they went to far

Dispatch: .............clear medic 86


yeah good times....im still getting crap for that


----------



## adamjh3 (May 31, 2010)

Not mine, but from one of my buddies in a neighboring county

Medic 1: Medic one, Medic seven, you guys are on fire
Medic 7: Medic seven, Medic one, yeah, it's been a crazy night, huh?
Dispatch: Dispatch, all units, Friendly reminder; Keep the chatter to the tac channels
Medic 1: Medic one, dispatch, copy that, but seven is literally on fire, there are flames coming from their cab.


----------



## TransportJockey (May 31, 2010)

adamjh3 said:


> Not mine, but from one of my buddies in a neighboring county
> 
> Medic 1: Medic one, Medic seven, you guys are on fire
> Medic 7: Medic seven, Medic one, yeah, it's been a crazy night, huh?
> ...



That would not be a fun transmission if you're Medic 7


----------



## adamjh3 (May 31, 2010)

jtpaintball70 said:


> That would not be a fun transmission if you're Medic 7



Well, it got their meal-break extended... or shortened, depending on how you look at it.


----------



## Stew (Jun 1, 2010)

ALS: Sitrep
Dispatch: Go ahead
ALS: Conscious 5 yo pt, APGAR of 10...

or a brand new student medic,

crew: sitrep
Dispatch: go ahead
crew: Conscious pt, gcs 16 no further backup...


----------



## Captn' Tuddle (Jun 1, 2010)

911: 911 do you need fire, police or medical?
Caller:Someone took my kids! OMG OMG...I put them to bed last night and now they're gone!
911:Ma'am I need to know you address..
Caller:*Gives address* Oh, Billy and Lisa and Kim..they're all gone!
911: OK, pd is on the way, how many kids are missing?
Caller: Kids? No! My gnomes! G-N-O-M-E-S! They're gone!
911: ......


----------



## DrParasite (Jun 2, 2010)

Dispatch:unit xx you have an assignment
unit xx: go with the assignment
dispatch: respond to xyz intersection fooooor an unknown, check your pager for a message.
unit xx: received responding

The call was for 2 naked men climbing in the trees.

EMS supervisor: dispatch, do we have a call at xyz intersection?
dispatch: yep, but you are going to call me about the nature.
EMS supervisor: ok

he is advised of the situation over the phone

a few minutes later

EMS supervisor: supervisor to dispatch, we have nothing showing... 

and he caught himself before he asked for he asked for a description of the involved parties LOL


----------



## mycrofft (Jun 2, 2010)

*FUnniest thing: "Uh, u-h-h-h-h, unh...".*

We had a brand new sergeant who occasioanlly was a crew chief on the backup pumper or the tanker. He was ok, until you handed him a microphone. Might as well as given him a nice shot of stupid juice, he was simply unable to use a mic.


----------



## LucidResq (Jun 2, 2010)

> 590 to anyone, ANYONE in the Foods Department. Can someone please just bring me some MILK already?! It's an emergency.



-Me, disgruntled, working at the Amusement Park, after trying to find or have someone bring me a little milk (for a kid with some dental trauma ) for over 30 minutes with no help.


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## WolfmanHarris (Jun 2, 2010)

Was trying to catch a nap at one of the bases, had crashed for all of ten minutes when we got called out. Picked up the mic to book on:

"3... uh.. 3114. No. Wait. 3141. No. 3114. Ya. 3114, on the air. Sorry, forgot who I was."

Dispatch: "Ya, I get that sometimes too. You're on a Code 4 to..." (Laughing in the background)

Lesson learned. Release the PTT until the brain kicks in.


----------



## Stephanie. (Jun 6, 2010)

One night while dispatching.


Our director is VERY strict about what is said of the radio, and this one particular department switches things up from time to time!


Unit: We're responding to XXXX address.
Dispatch: How many personnel onboard?
Unit: Dos Equis! 


I was laughing so hard, I couldn't even receive the message.

Another time (SAME DEPT) asked why we always answer 'Available' when they check clear from a scene. Per our director, thats what he wants us to say. The dept said "what if we aren't available, what if we want to stop off and play horseshoes or somthing. I said well I guess then you will need to check "Out of service"...
Every single time they check 'OOS' when clear from a call...


----------



## Stephanie. (Jun 6, 2010)

pvfd62med22 said:


> C5: Ummm Look for the Big red trucks with the flashy lights<_<...
> 
> A6: Ahh Right:blush:



I had a similar one, where I had my Chief and a Brush truck responding to a possible illegal burn.

C26: C26 onscene, several tires burning, is there a deputy enroute?
Dispatch: C26 on, affirmative deputy is responding.
C26: B26 whats your ETA.
B26: about 10 minutes Chief.

**15 minutes goes by**


B26: Chief26 can you advise a better location.
C26: Uhhh.. look for the green truck at the end of a rock drive way... ohh and the BIG black column of smoke!
B26: Recieved. Dispatch, were gonna be onscene


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## EMSLaw (Jun 6, 2010)

Yeah, we've gotten several fire calls for standbys where it's "On XXX, near the intersection of XXX".  And then, "Don't worry, you can't miss it."  Usually there's half a dozen cop cars parked DIRECTLY in front of the fire. ;p

Funny how the ambulance and PD are always there well before any fire trucks.


----------



## Mountain Res-Q (Jun 6, 2010)

Fire District gets dispatched out on a PSA; "elderly woman reports a strange sound coming from here TV."

Response: 1 Chief, 2 District Engines, and 1 State Engine.  Yet another example of hoe Fire tries to justify it's budget by sending too much to too little.

Units get on scene and 60 seconds latter report: "The strange sound was from the alarm clock placed atop her TV.  She forgot she had set the alarm as a reminder the 'Day's of Our Lives' was on."

A dozen Firefighters to reminder a woman that her stories were on?  Firefighters are my heros...


----------



## mycrofft (Jun 8, 2010)

*Referring to my posts here LAST WINTER...*

The stupid airman who asked the two depuities on tyape if they were excrmenting him when they called to ask for air cover on a UFO, made his final dispatch transmission:

(Chief 2): "Where was the fire again!?".
(Control): "Reported as dumpster by the Commissary".
(Chief 2): "There's *nothing* here!! Where is it!? How can I find it!!!?".
(Control): "Uh, follow the smoke...".


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## WannaBeFlight (Jun 9, 2010)

Heard a disptacher refer to the patient's condition as "Done fell out"!!!   Only in WNC. lol


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## EMSaviator (Jun 10, 2010)

Got toned out of the station the other night for a 10 YO M that got hit in the rock with a head. Had to ask if dispatch could send a DOT crew to transport the rock. Laughed for a good 10 minutes


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## EMSLaw (Jun 11, 2010)

WannaBeFlight said:


> Heard a disptacher refer to the patient's condition as "Done fell out"!!!   Only in WNC. lol



We had one that went basically like this: 

"XXX Police, XXX EMS, respond to 123 First Street for 82 year old fall victim.  Repeating, XXX Police, XXX EMS, respond to 123 First Street.  Victim of gravity.  Time out 01:30 hours."

We cleared after an RMA (and a lift assist) with "Gravity no longer an issue."


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## adamjh3 (Jun 27, 2010)

"No, it doesn't appear that the patient's normal state is throwing his feces at his neighbors..."


----------



## 1badassEMT-I (Jun 28, 2010)

EMSLaw said:


> We had one that went basically like this:
> 
> "XXX Police, XXX EMS, respond to 123 First Street for 82 year old fall victim.  Repeating, XXX Police, XXX EMS, respond to 123 First Street.  Victim of gravity.  Time out 01:30 hours."
> 
> We cleared after an RMA (and a lift assist) with "Gravity no longer an issue."



Now thats funny.


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## Stephanie. (Jul 1, 2010)

Heard this over the radio the other day, from an 911 service in Ft. Worth.

Medic: "He just lost his load!"

Referring to the items another person was carrying on the trailer he was towing.


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## TraumaNerd (Jul 27, 2010)

1)me-Called en route with full arrest...
Radio-Whats the pt status?

2)me-radio can use advise further on the location
radio-look for the cedar trees...:unsure:

3) made run to syncopal at a church
cleared with a refusal
crew to radio were gonna be clear from the seen..pt was just moved by the spirit!


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## lightsandsirens5 (Jul 27, 2010)

TraumaNerd said:


> 2)me-radio can use advise further on the location
> radio-look for the cedar trees...:unsure:



Lol. Love it. Here is mine from the other day:

Paged to a possible stroke at 1234 County Road 123, letter designator G. On scene could not find G as nothing but A and C were marked.  

Me: Control, 805. 
Dispatch: Go 805. 
Me: You got a residance discription for us, we are not locating that letter designator here. 
Dispatch: Ummmmmm........RP states it's a mobile home with junk cars out front. 
Me: Erm...yea. That discribes about 90% of the places in this county.


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## adamjh3 (Aug 1, 2010)

MedCom: "forty-five, four five, medcom, we've got a call for you coming out of 111 Avenue Street, how copy?"
My partner: "SWAN DIVE!"
MedCom: forty-five, four five, say again, you came in broken..." (with laughter in the background)
Partner: "MedCom, forty five, four five, copy, continue with report." 

Said in reference to Old Spice commercial: Questions


----------



## EMT711 (Aug 6, 2010)

(Dispatch) Medic 35 Reaspond MVA with Injuries Route**** eastbound in the area of the walmart. 

(Medic 35) County From Medic 35 We acknowledge you can show us enroute.


(Dispatch) 2022. 

1 minute later

(Dispatch) Medic 35 From Dispatch

(Medic 35) Medic 35

(Dispatch) Be advise Fire Dept on scene Advising 1 female Patient out of the vehicle with a head Injury and one Groundhog Possible DOA

(Medic 35) Thats Recieved County. Did you call the coroner for the Groundhog

(Dispatch) Its Taken Care Of


----------



## ochacon80 (Aug 6, 2010)

I don't have a specific occurrence but I know a few times a couple of our dispatches have said patient names over the radios, I cringe every time it happens.


----------



## rogersam5 (Aug 16, 2010)

Unit 1: Control, Unit 1
Control: go ahead
Unit 1: we are departing base for an unknown destination
Control: Roger, let us know when you get there


----------



## bbenoit1984 (Aug 26, 2010)

unit 36 pumps and quarters (get gas and return) unit 40 pump and quarters unit 007 I have an asap coming your way................................ just joking pumps and quarters

Dispatch give them about 5 seconds to start swearing and hit the dash before she said just joking lol


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## Sasha (Aug 26, 2010)

Hahaha. Dispatch was sending us an hour out of our way to another call after running all night, I keyed up to acknowledge the call right as my partner, unaware that I had keyed up shouts "YOURE KILLING ME DISPATCH!!!!!!" two seconds later "116 landline please."


----------



## LucidResq (Aug 26, 2010)

999 on a suspicious shopping cart, 123 S. Main St, in the Grocery Store parking lot.... 

Best PD dispatch ever.


----------



## KY_EMT (Aug 30, 2010)

LucidResq said:


> 999 on a suspicious shopping cart, 123 S. Main St, in the Grocery Store parking lot....
> 
> Best PD dispatch ever.



LMAO Poor shopping cart, what has it ever done....


----------



## NADHARMA (Sep 8, 2010)

2 incidents come to mind...Overheard...

 1.) Dispatcher keyed down, unaware, singing hakuna matata (lion king). 

 2.) (Dispatch)-"Rescue 124".....
      (Dispatch)-"Rescue 124".....
      (Dispatch)-"RESCUE 124" (Loud/Yell Voice).

      (Rescue 124)-"Hello"...( in a confused tone of voice).. 

 I almost wet myself!!!


----------



## slb862 (Sep 8, 2010)

*EMS humor*

Our dispatch was located far, far away from our response area, when they would call us for a call, we would piss them off by saying "GOAT-HEAD".  I don't know how many times I got called in the office on that one.  We kept doing it anyway.  Made us laugh!!  LOL
:wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:


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## 94H (Sep 21, 2010)

Me: Dispatch, XXXX enroute to the call at XXX Fake blvd
Dispatch: Uh.....Ok 0202


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## JJR512 (Sep 21, 2010)

I can tell you something that was heard on the radio on my last day working for a commercial ambulance company... The supervisor's name was William Rogers. On my last day, at the end of my last shift, after getting the "return to base" page, I acknowledged the page over the radio by singing the following, to the tune of the Mr. Rogers TV show theme song:

"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood / A beautiful day in Mr. William Rogers' neighborhood / It's my last day, here at TransCare... GOODBYE!!!"


----------



## Charmeck (Oct 8, 2010)

Dispatch: "Medic 12, respond to the ER waiting room at (insert name here) Hospital for a fall with injury."


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 8, 2010)

At my old private service we had to verbally mark 'transporting' on the radio:  one day without thinking I marked 'moving':  it got stretched out the next time to 'moooooving'  the rest of the day all the trucks were mooing on the radio.

    good thing all the supervisors were out of town that day,  but it was fun


----------



## TransportJockey (Oct 8, 2010)

NADHARMA said:


> 2 incidents come to mind...Overheard...
> 
> 1.) Dispatcher keyed down, unaware, singing hakuna matata (lion king).
> 
> ...



I have done something similar to that when I was in a truck that wasn't my usual. Forgot what unit we were and didn't respond to that trucks number


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 12, 2010)

was dispatched once at FD for wheelchair wreck with entrapment:  Medic Amb, Engine, rescue:   took 6 ff and 2 on amb to get it sorted out and untangled:  85+ y/o pushing a 90 y/o  in WC, off 16" high curb,  and both were tangled up in it.  major mess.

another dispatch to different station for working dog house fire.    the electric blanket shorted out and set dog house on fire.


----------



## ajisaff (Oct 14, 2010)

wasn't even my call, just picked it up from an overheard Surrey call.


"Surrey fd, please respond to an MVC at `234 wherever st. - please be advised, there is a language barrier, the vehicle is in the ditch...."  

Won't even get into how many times we have had to call that our Equipment hauler need a jumpstart to get to scene, before we got our pretty new rescue truck... sigh...


----------



## emt1000 (Dec 9, 2010)

I have heard a couple of funny things on the radio.

unit: Control from unit 4 is the fire department on scene yet?
Control: I don't know, do you see a big truck in front of the house?

Another time, this unit had 3 full arrests in 2 days and none of them came back. The next day they went to work and decided to be funny.

unit: Control, unit 5 is on the air saving lives.
Control: Unit 5, no you aren't.


----------



## lampnyter (Dec 9, 2010)

Dispatch: We just got a call for 2 angry canines.


----------



## sarweim (Dec 13, 2010)

"**91 to EMS dispatch"
"**91"
"**91 is clearing St. Mary's, and **92 just arrove."

Arrove?!?  Even our patient in 92 was laughing.

(92's radio and dispatch weren't getting along that day)


----------



## JJR512 (Dec 13, 2010)

sarweim said:


> "**91 to EMS dispatch"
> "**91"
> "**91 is clearing St. Mary's, and **92 just arrove."
> 
> ...



Sorry, what was so funny? I must be slow on the uptake today...


----------



## Silver_Star (Dec 13, 2010)

JJR512 said:


> Sorry, what was so funny? I must be slow on the uptake today...



arrove is not a word.


----------



## JJR512 (Dec 13, 2010)

Silver_Star said:


> arrove is not a word.



You're right, but you wouldn't know it from hearing it spoken. "Arrove" is not a word but "arove" is, but you can't tell that a word is misspelled when it's spoken. "Arove" is an older form of the past-tense of "arrive".


----------



## jjesusfreak01 (Dec 13, 2010)

JJR512 said:


> You're right, but you wouldn't know it from hearing it spoken. "Arrove" is not a word but "arove" is, but you can't tell that a word is misspelled when it's spoken. "Arove" is an older form of the past-tense of "arrive".



Sarweim just got told...


This is one of the cool things about english. There are lots of things you can say that are not technically correct, but a native english speaker will have absolutely no question about what you mean.


----------



## Aerin-Sol (Dec 13, 2010)

jjesusfreak01 said:


> Sarweim just got told...
> 
> 
> This is one of the cool things about english. There are lots of things you can say that are not technically correct, but a native english speaker will have absolutely no question about what you mean.



That is not limited to English. I can think of several examples off the top of my head in Spanish.


----------



## lampnyter (Dec 13, 2010)

I dont think arove is a word. I think its always arrived.


----------



## JJR512 (Dec 14, 2010)

lampnyter said:


> I dont think arove is a word. I think its always arrived.



*sigh*







"Obsolete past tense of the verb ARRIVE." Now I _did_ say it was an "older form". We can debate the merits of using obsolete words in modern times if you really, really want to, but the _fact_ that "arove" _is_ a word is indisputable. Personally, I see no need to stay on this tangent any longer and am eagerly awaiting more dumb things heard on the radio.


----------



## njff/emt (Dec 14, 2010)

Dispatch: Headquarters to FA
Us: Go ahead
Dispatch: Your responding to the bus stop for a sick person
Us: The diner or an actual bus stop
Dispatch: Across from the bus stop


----------



## johnrsemt (Dec 16, 2010)

FF said on the radio on an 'investigate for smoke in area'  that he was in the air  (instead of area).     took him a while to live that down


----------



## LucidResq (Dec 16, 2010)

JJR512 said:


> *sigh*
> 
> "Obsolete past tense of the verb ARRIVE." Now I _did_ say it was an "older form". We can debate the merits of using obsolete words in modern times if you really, really want to, but the _fact_ that "arove" _is_ a word is indisputable. Personally, I see no need to stay on this tangent any longer and am eagerly awaiting more dumb things heard on the radio.



Obsolete being the key word. Use silly obsolete words and I retain the right to laugh at you.


----------



## JJR512 (Dec 16, 2010)

LucidResq said:


> Obsolete being the key word. Use silly obsolete words and I retain the right to laugh at you.



That's fine. But tell me it isn't a word, and I reserve the right to inform you of the absolute fact that you are wrong.


----------



## HasTy (Dec 16, 2010)

Come on guys don't let this thread fall off topic I started it for humor not for people to argue if you wanna argue argue in PM please!!!


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## CodyHolt83 (Dec 18, 2010)

In the city I dispatch for just outside of Dallas, Texas, our ambulance checked en-route to Baylor Garland Hospital.  The medic that was on likes to say everything really fast just to mess with me.  It went like this--

Box:  ''Box 1 is enroute to Bay-Gar C1.''   (remember, he says it really fast.)
me: ''Recieved Box 1 show you enroute Gay-Bar.......''

I'm still hearing about it, every time we have a new dispatcher in training. UGH!  lol


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## HotelCo (Jan 20, 2011)

Unit 1: unit 1, show us out at an MVC involving 2 vehicles.

Dispatch: Copy, unit 1. Make sure you call 911.

Unit 1: Copy?

.


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## JJR512 (Jan 20, 2011)

HotelCo said:


> Unit 1: unit 1, show us out at an MVC involving 2 vehicles.
> 
> Dispatch: Copy, unit 1. Make sure you call 911.
> 
> ...



Reminds me of EMT class...In the CPR portion ("BLS for Health Care Providers") we're taught that as a solo rescuer, we first do the "Hey! Hey! Are you OK?" to the patient, then point to a bystander and shout, "CALL 911!".

Well my partner and I were testing in the mod that included CPR, and were told by the proctor to demonstrate CPR on the "patient" lying on the floor. So my partner went over to the dummy, knelt down, grabbed its shoulders and said, "Hey! Hey! Are you OK?" Then he pointed at me and said, "CALL 911!" At which point the proctor, trying not to laugh, informed him, "No need to call 911, you're already here!"


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## johnrsemt (Jan 21, 2011)

Just remember that when you are teaching CPR in a business,  with other people in the building that EVERYONE in the building needs to know that there is a CPR class going on.

   I had 30+ 911 calls from a business I was teaching at when my first student yelled  "you, go call 911 for an Unresponsive person".  they did   and I got a full Box Alarm dispatched due to all of the calls


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## JJR512 (Jan 21, 2011)

Yes...that is amusing...but my story took place in an EMT class in a fire department training academy.


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## usafmedic45 (Jan 21, 2011)

Aerin-Sol said:


> That is not limited to English. I can think of several examples off the top of my head in Spanish.


Kind of like German....where you can create new words simply be taking a deep breath and talking fast. LOL


----------



## CotJockey (Jan 23, 2011)

Dispatch: 412 You have a GSW patient at this location (quietly asks" whats's a GSW?)

US: We copy, responding to the stabbing code 3


----------



## Captn' Tuddle (Jan 23, 2011)

This was for a transport during rush hour traffic with either construction or lane blocking fender-benders all over the place:

Me: medic control 123, do you know of any way to get me to this call on time?
Medic control: Stick your arms out the windows and flap?

Too bad it didn't work....


----------



## medicRob (Jan 26, 2011)

Medic Unit on radio report to receiving hospital when I happened to be on ER clinicals as a nurse. 

    ER: Go Ahead, medic 467
medic: We're en route with a male, age xx c/c MVA caused by deer bite. 
    ER: Can you 10-9 that traffic? 
medic: umm, MVA caused by deer bite
    ER: (Laughing) 
medic: Pt was driving along xy rd, found what he assumed to be a dead deer, 
          loaded it in the back of his vehicle. (silence)  

          Pt reports the deer in the back seat woke up as he was driving and bit 
          him on the ear. 

ER: (Hysterical laughter.. ) 
medic: (Laughter), ETA 3 minutes, vitals WNL


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## TransportJockey (Jan 26, 2011)

That's one reason I love this job... you can't make this :censored::censored::censored::censored: up


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## adamjh3 (Jan 30, 2011)

Heard this on the SD dispatch today:

Reserve Senior Volunteer Patrol: "San diego, can you spare a couple officers to XX to harrass some skaters for me?"
Dispatch: "We can send a couple to make CONNNNTAAAACT, you need to stop that"


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## hocomedic (Jan 30, 2011)

it was last wed. Here in Maryland we had a pretty good blizzard during rush hour. There were so many calls for down, arking powerlines we couldent handle them all. anyway it was 2am and another station went to a call for arking power lines and reported that they had a hard time finding it because: 

Brush 3 " brush 3 to howard"
dispatch " brush 3 go ahead"
Brush 3 " we just found the down lines, someone tied a rope around it and then tied it to a tree"
dispatch " umm............. 10-4 brush 3 (laughter)"


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## PotashRLS (Feb 1, 2011)

One of our neighboring departments has an EMT who has a hard time remembering what unit number they are riding in.  The EMT, after correcting their unit number multiple times that day, called in again to 911 dispatch with the wrong unit number.  911 dispatcher came back with "are you sure now".  Knowing the transmissions are county wide just adds to the insult.  Ironically, the dispatcher was the lead/supervising dispatcher.  It was hilarious.


----------



## 22cent (Feb 1, 2011)

*Fire guys*

Scene size up for a possible stucture fire:

Dispatch, you can show xxx on scene one story type V construction there is smoke showing from the B side of the building. It appears to be coming from the chimney on the roof. Break. Could we get a page for an engine response at this time?


----------



## Kamischke (Feb 11, 2011)

medicRob said:


> Medic Unit on radio report to receiving hospital when I happened to be on ER clinicals as a nurse.
> 
> ER: Go Ahead, medic 467
> medic: We're en route with a male, age xx c/c MVA caused by deer bite.
> ...



that.. is.. hilarioussssss :lol:
too bad we wont get any deer calls around here


----------



## Icenine (Feb 11, 2011)

I got paged 4 times a few years ago for hysterical laughter...

The 5th time was for "penis pain", "domestic", and hysterical laughter.


----------



## reaper86 (Feb 13, 2011)

Firefighter: Don't lay a line, we're just gonna watch it burn. :wacko:

Next day, sure enough it was burned to the ground.


----------



## AlwaysATraumaJunkie (Feb 14, 2011)

I worked at a private BLS company where the dispatcher was on the main floor and the quarters were above. I picked up a ticket for an ITF and the pt CC was "Comma toast"!  And she eventually married the boss. No :censored::censored::censored::censored:


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## JJR512 (Feb 14, 2011)

AlwaysATraumaJunkie said:


> I worked at a private BLS company where the dispatcher was on the main floor and the quarters were above. I picked up a ticket for an ITF and the pt CC was "Comma toast"!  And she eventually married the boss. No :censored::censored::censored::censored:



A comma toast patient married your boss? h34r:


----------



## AlwaysATraumaJunkie (Feb 15, 2011)

JJR512 said:


> A comma toast patient married your boss? h34r:




Uh no, the dingbat dispatcher did!:wacko:
And my dyslexic fingers meant to type IFT!:blush:


----------



## adamjh3 (Mar 3, 2011)

Just heard this gem on one of the local PD tac channels:

"Abel, map says this doesn't exist."
"6-Charlie, I'm standing here, it exists."
"I don't see you, you sure you exist?"
"uh... that's... affirm..."


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## AndyK (Mar 3, 2011)

OK, can't swear to the accuracy of this one as i didn't hear it personally but my colleague swears it happened!

Not sure if you guys do "stand-by's" where you end up away from station because the computerised despatch system works out a probability for the location of the next emergency call but that's how it works here. As a result you can be left out in the middle of nowhere for a couple of hours at a time.....

Unknown Voice: "I'm ******* bored!"
Controller: "Last caller identify yourself!"
Unknown Voice: "I said I was ******* bored, not ******* stupid!"


---------------

And this one I can confirm because I was there, names and callsigns changed to protect the guilty!:

Radio crackles into life and a (quite good) rendition of "Dancing Queen" can be heard. A male voice can then be heard in the background:

Unknown Male: "Tracy, your mic has gone live!"
Tracy: "Huh?"
Unknown Male: "Your mic is on, you're transmitting!"
Tracy: "Oh **** me!"

At which point the radio goes quiet for a moment and then the following transmissions were made:

A101: "Negative on last instruction"
A102: "Also negative on last instruction"
A103: "Negative also on last...."

This carried on and every ambulance on shift called in to let her know we'd all heard her mistake!

I'm pretty sure that "Tracy" will, one day, get her revenge but for now she's still getting reminded of that afternoon


----------



## EMTRabbit (Mar 20, 2011)

Dispatch -"Unit X respond to Location A for the rat bite"

Unit X- *giggling* "whats the nature"

Dispatch- R-A-T, rat bite

gotta love newark


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## TreySpooner65 (Mar 21, 2011)

Knowing we were responding to a housing tract with astronomical names and how we are supposed to get there the engineer radioed:

Engineer: "Dispatch, confirm directions to our call."

Dispatch: "Engine 4, turn left at Uranus and keep going until you get to starlight."


----------



## KELRAG (Mar 21, 2011)

Oh, well yeah I got hep c bit everyone has that


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## usafmedic45 (Mar 21, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> Knowing we were responding to a housing tract with astronomical names and how we are supposed to get there the engineer radioed:
> 
> Engineer: "Dispatch, confirm directions to our call."
> 
> Dispatch: "Engine 4, turn left at Uranus and keep going until you get to starlight."



That's not where I would have gone with that joke at all.  There would have been a sphincter reference somewhere in there.  LOL


----------



## nakenyon (Mar 21, 2011)

MICU is dispatched to respond to a neighboring county, has an extended ETA (20-25 minutes).

Dispatch to MICU X-X: "Per Z County, you are going to have a 30 y/o female with mutiple seziures. I suggested that they dispatch their FD for a med assist, but I don't think they took the advice."


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Mar 23, 2011)

Is it possible to post audio file? I have a recording of a dispatch for PD to respond to an Osama sighting in Wallgreens.


----------



## scottleeh (Mar 28, 2011)

Dispatch: He stopped breathing but now he is.
Medic: I can hold my breath also.


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## medicRob (Mar 28, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> Is it possible to post audio file? I have a recording of a dispatch for PD to respond to an Osama sighting in Wallgreens.



Upload it to youtube, then post it here. I would love to hear it!


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## TreySpooner65 (Mar 29, 2011)

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9_by9II85E[/YOUTUBE]


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Mar 29, 2011)

or the oh so popular CHP Merry Christmas:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyPAYYN_TIw[/YOUTUBE]


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## medicRob (Mar 29, 2011)

treyspooner65 said:


> [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9_by9ii85e[/youtube]



win.


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## 94H (Mar 30, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> or the oh so popular CHP Merry Christmas:
> [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyPAYYN_TIw[/YOUTUBE]



Reminds me of the APB for Santa here at midnight on Christmas....while one of our units was trying to get a patch to the hospital....


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## LucidResq (Mar 30, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9_by9II85E[/YOUTUBE]



Oh that's fantastic. I honestly don't know how some of the dispatchers air stuff like that without cracking up. I also like how long it takes the officers to respond cause you know they're sitting in their cars dying laughing.


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## AlwaysATraumaJunkie (Mar 31, 2011)

Re: the Osama sighting and the dispatcher not cracking up....she sounds young enough that I can imagine her saying _"Who? Oh yeah, that guy?...I thought he was, like, dead?"_      I swear, they get younger every year!:huh:


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## LucidResq (Mar 31, 2011)

Hey now! You'd probably make fun of me too if you knew how young I am.


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Mar 31, 2011)

LucidResq said:


> Hey now! You'd probably make fun of me too if you knew how young I am.



No worries. Im in the same boat as you


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## Raffie (Mar 31, 2011)

Two weeks on the job, and this is what I get

Dispatch: Rescue 117?

Me: Rescue 117, go ahead.

Dispatch: Report to xxxx herpderp st, for 52 y/o male with uncontrollable bowel movements.

Me: ....Uncontrollable bowel movements?

Dispatch: You know...uh he has diarrhea, and he can't control it (in the background..."EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!")

Lord, we couldn't stop laughing lol.


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## adamjh3 (Apr 2, 2011)

Heard today at around 2030 for a crew that was set to go off duty at 2100 

"4-5, call for you, (far away psych facility) going to (Er across the street from far away psych facility) page with further en-route." 
"Medcom, 4-5, copy, en-route"

About five minutes passes:
"Medcom, 4-5"
"4-5, go ahead"
"4-5, still waiting on the page or the 'April fool's' "


----------



## truetiger (Apr 2, 2011)

Dispatcher "5417 your patient is a 26 y/o male that fell 10 feet off of a ****, deck!!!!"


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## TransportJockey (Apr 2, 2011)

"EMS, EMS, Medic 1 requested at 124 "Road in next county" for a man fallen"
We start looking over maps and finally call dispatch and the conversation goes like this
Medic 1, dispatch"
"Dispatch, go ahead"
"yea, dispatch, so directions to this call are, drive 80 miles south down 285, passing through Next Town on the way, driving right in front of Next County's EMS building, then turning left to "Road in NExt County"?"
"Dispatch, medic 1, that's affir... Er.... I guess I should pass this call on to NExt County EMS?"
"Medic 1, Thats probably a good idea. NExt time there's this wonderful invention called a map!"


----------



## Veneficus (Apr 2, 2011)

jtpaintball70 said:


> "EMS, EMS, Medic 1 requested at 124 "Road in next county" for a man fallen"
> We start looking over maps and finally call dispatch and the conversation goes like this
> Medic 1, dispatch"
> "Dispatch, go ahead"
> ...



Joke's on you, dispatchers can't read. 

I am in rare form extending my April fools humor because I missed most of the day doing work.


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## medic156 (Apr 3, 2011)

the other day at work i heard 
unit xx to dispatch
dispatch go ahead 
unit xx - i think were on scene if you dont hear from us in like 10 minutes um send somebody 
dispatch - (laughing in background) um 10-4 unit xx some what on scene


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## mrswicknick (Apr 5, 2011)

Still a student so not much good stuff but... my buddy and I got a laugh out of this.

Dispatch: Engine 22 respond to xx at yy
Engine 23: Engine 23 enroute
Dispatch: Negative Engine 23 call was for Engine 22
Engine 22: Got it Engine 22 staying back
Dispatch: No, engine 22 respond, not engine 23

...Jumbled mess of all three talking at the same time...

Dispatch: OK EVERYONE STOP. THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE TALKING ON MY LINE. LETS JUST ALL SHUT UP. Engine 22. Go. Engine 23. Stay... 2 - 3. Your staying. 2 -2. Your going. We clear?!!?


Had to be there but its was great, dispatch got so flustered we just rofled.


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## Medic2409 (Apr 5, 2011)

Definitely not the dumbest thing ever heard, but heard this the other day.  "Medic B, Medic C, Medic D, Medic E..respond as backup for Medic A, Medic D and Medic E, let us know which one of you gets there first so we can cancel the other"


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## Kamischke (Apr 7, 2011)

not dumb, just kind of funny
one of the emt's at our company messing around

emt: 0-7 to dispatch (loud and slurring voice)
dispatch: (sigh) go ahead 0-7
emt: zerooooo seven's mission is accomplished.. waiting for our next task sirrr
dispatch: ...thank you (name of emt)... standby..

it was funnier at the moment


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## Sasha (Apr 8, 2011)

Dispatch: 135, what is your ETA to (nursing home facility)
135: 10 to 15 minutes.
Dispatch: Copy.. Unit 142, what is your ETA to (same nursing home facility)
142: 11 to 16 minutes.


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## exodus (Apr 8, 2011)

Sasha said:


> Dispatch: 135, what is your ETA to (nursing home facility)
> 135: 10 to 15 minutes.
> Dispatch: Copy.. Unit 142, what is your ETA to (same nursing home facility)
> 142: 11 to 16 minutes.



I've done that


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## EMTCLM (Apr 9, 2011)

Dispatcher: EMS please respond to xyz for female who fell off some rocks and has a head laceration...to the head


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## Martyn (Apr 9, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> Is it possible to post audio file? I have a recording of a dispatch for PD to respond to an Osama sighting in Wallgreens.



Don't tell me...he was picking up his dialysis gear!!!


----------



## docmoods (Apr 10, 2011)

A department near me started getting the audio from funny and odd calls and posting it... Some are pretty funny... 


evfc160.com 
scroll down and find audio...


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## orange20medic (Apr 10, 2011)

"Medic 10, do you need additional responding units for patient transport?"
"Negative, county. No room in the inn."


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## LucidResq (Apr 10, 2011)

"Engine XX and Medic XXX, on a 62 yom, conscious and breathing, complaining of frostbite, says his fingers look like vienna sausages." 

"Dispatch, Engine XX... confirming fingers look like sausages?"

"Engine XX, that's affirm - fingers resemble sausages."


----------



## orange20medic (Apr 10, 2011)

BLS crew was bringing in a pt to the ER. Their radio report sounded something like this:

"Medic 2 enroute with 56 y/o female, afraid to leave her house. History of hypochondria."

I think the whole ER cracked up laughing at that report. Definitely made my day!


----------



## btkspot89 (Apr 10, 2011)

After a Pretty busy day at my volunteer squad the dispatcher couldnt help it...
Dispatcher "Stand By for dispatch"
Dispatcher <Tones>
Dispatcher "Just Kidding.... for now"
Me "I really hope you don't run into me sometime soon"


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## EMSDude54343 (Apr 11, 2011)

engine giving disposition when clearing an electrical hazard call

"E17 to  Marion, its gonna be leaves touching the branches, were complete."
While laughing...."recieved, complete, leaves touching the branches, complete at xxxx (time)"
"..... E17 marion, correction, line touching a branch......"

Imagaine the engine LT saying this half awake at like 0200


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Apr 13, 2011)

After leaving a Mexican restaurant.
Say the following is a heavy Mexican accent.

"EH! Chu forgot yo radio!"


----------



## ZombieEMT (Apr 13, 2011)

I heard this the other coming back from a call, a good reason why people need to retire at some point.

Ambulance xxxx: *garble garble*
Central: Ambulance xxxx, can you repeat your transmittion.
Ambulance xxxx: more *garble garble*
Central: Ambulance xxxx, move the radio away from your mouth and try talking, it might be more productive.
Ambulance xxxx: Central, the radio was not too close to his mouth. He forgot to put his teeth back in. We are requesting medics for chest pain.
Central (laughing hysterically): Recieved. I hope they are back in now.


----------



## Anjel (Apr 13, 2011)

Unit 223333: What is the location of the patient?
Dispatch: You want to know where the patient is?
Unit 223333: Um. That would be helpful if you want us to transport.


----------



## johnrsemt (Apr 14, 2011)

Dispatch:  Tones:   Engine, Medic XXX;  checkout slippery substance in intersection of AAA x  BBB.  (In January, during snowstorm).  at 0230

Units after arrival:  Dispatch be advised slippery substance is ICE!!!


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## EMTCLM (Apr 17, 2011)

TreySpooner65 said:


> After leaving a Mexican restaurant.
> Say the following is a heavy Mexican accent.
> 
> "EH! Chu forgot yo radio!"



hahahahahahaha that's awesome!


----------



## abba (Apr 19, 2011)

too funny.


----------



## XxGAMBLExX (Apr 20, 2011)

I know a guy who is a full-time dispatcher for our county, and a part-time Paramedic. So, while he's on the rig, he will occasionally make farm animal noises. The on duty dispatcher offered to send us animal control, but of course, being a smart-@$$ he replied. That's okay, we'll call their office on Monday. COPY??

Good times. Good times.  Other than that there are small things like mimicking our local corporate providers... (not mentioning names, but they are creeping into our county.) Anyways, they have this guy who incessantly feels the need to talk as slow as he can. "Centraallll this is ******** Alpha***.........we're, uhhhh in route to uhhhh **********."

*Names and locations changed to protect the identities of the innocent*


----------



## Captn' Tuddle (Apr 23, 2011)

Dispach: scuffling and clicking noises follewed by a muffled "AGHHH! THis stupid radio isn't working... *undecipherable mumbling*"
Me: Um, dispatch, you radio is working fine, we can hear you."
Dispatch: Oh, *muffled laughing in background*, wow my face is turning really red right now..."
Me: Copy manditory coffee break.


----------



## Meursault (Apr 30, 2011)

*tones*
*Dispatch:* Company dispatching Town Paramedic 10, Town Fire, and Command to 99 White Ave, Apt. 10 for a standby.
*Fire:* Fire has 99 White Ave.
*Supervisor:* 1 has 99 White Ave.
*Dispatch: *Caller reports water leaking from ceiling and an odor.
*Medics:* Paramedic 10 has the overflowing toilet.
*5 minutes of silence from dispatch*

Of course, the supervisor and fire were cancelled, and the medics hung around for a while (which meant we had town coverage, the jerks) and then called up to report "No EMS required".


----------



## ClaymoreCharlie (May 19, 2011)

Heard another unit get dispatched to "intoxicated male subject, hitting himself in the head with a baseball bat."


----------



## RanchoEMT (May 23, 2011)

***our Unit was 151***

Dispatch: 51 Code3 for Man Down at 1234 Euclid Av.
Unit: 51 KMG365!


----------



## rogersam5 (May 24, 2011)

Ladder: Ladder X, Fire Alarm, Back in quarters
FA: Ladder X, I have you back in quarters 1703, (in the background "they were on the road?)


----------



## DesertMedic66 (May 25, 2011)

Well I don't know if it's dumb but we had an extremely slow day so the dispatchers played jeopardy over the radio. The first 3 crews to get 3 answers right got to go home early. Sadly I was not in one of those crews that won


----------



## EMTCLM (May 27, 2011)

rogersam5 said:


> Ladder: Ladder X, Fire Alarm, Back in quarters
> FA: Ladder X, I have you back in quarters 1703, (in the background "they were on the road?)



hahahahahaha


----------



## Sasha (May 27, 2011)

I got dispatch to singhappy birthday to.my partner tues


----------



## mycrofft (May 27, 2011)

*Our radio and station PA mikes were identical and next to one another.*

Old GE's, just like the mike they use on "HOUSE, MD" in the MRI room set.
So, on-air chow calls etc., and "10-4" 's on the station's speakers (followed by raucous laughter), were common whenever a new guy went into the alarm room.

If I knew a guy was asleep (nothing on air for an hour) in Patrol 13 on the flightline, I'd just key up and say "10-4, 13".

"Uh, mrble mmmf, uh, 10-4 Control. What was that?".

"Nothing, 13. Go 10-8".


----------



## IAems (May 27, 2011)

*EMD Knowledge*

Dispatch: Unit 7 be advised, need you to respond to 12345 Zaevel St.

Unit 7: Copy, dispatch.  Please spell street name.

Dispatch: Street name as follows Z as in xylophone  . . . ah, hell.

_Later on, same shift, different call, over MDT unit:_

"Respond to Mount St. Mary Hospital Ward 25-F, RM# 75 for D/C S/P Floural Acculison"

Unit 7: Copy your page, dispatch.  Please advise, what exactly is wrong with the patient's flowers?

Dispatch: What?

Unit 7: Never mind, show us en route.


----------



## Deltachange (May 27, 2011)

Heard this one the other day.

Dispatch: XYZ fire respond to 1234 main street, a man down, unconscious not breathing, with difficulty breathing.

Thought that one was kinda obvious, but hey you never know.


----------



## medtech421 (May 28, 2011)

Dispatch : 419 respond code 2 XXXnursing home for a dislocated head
Me: 10-9 Chief complaint
Dispatch:  Dislocated Head, possibly 1 day old
Me: 10-4 can you get verification on chief complaint
Dispatch :  10-4 will you need ALS?
Me: Uhm...I'm not even sure reported chief complaint is physically possible so wait until we get confirmation.
Dispatch: 10-4 standby 
Partner to me off air: Well if that's true, that would explain why we aren't going in hot 

Different day-
Dispatch: Unit 408 your call will be at xxx Parry Meter Drive
Unit 408: 10-4 Dispatch be advised that is Perimeter Drive
Dispatch: 10-4 Patient is being transported to office of Dr. Huggies
Unit 408: Can you spell last name of the Doctor?
Dispatch: 10-4 H-U-G-H-E-S
Unit 408: That would be Hughes dispatch.  Dont hurt yourself.


----------



## rogersam5 (May 29, 2011)

Dispatch: Rescue 1 respond to 123 Address for a 8 month old pregnant female in renal falure needs an emergency C-Section


----------



## AlwaysATraumaJunkie (May 30, 2011)

Over heard the other day:
Dispatch: Patient states history of seizures in the past and future....uhh... in the past.:wacko:


----------



## kknp4life (Jun 4, 2011)

Dispatch- Yeah y'all need to be enroute to that um....... Yeah that place where I told you a minute ago....


----------



## jroyster06 (Jun 4, 2011)

Me and my partner while not on a call:


Us: Medic10 to county, we've got a loose horse. West bound on Main, uhh East bound on 3rd. 
Dispatch: We'll send SO.
Us: Thats clear we'll try to catch it. (i go to catch it being as how ive had horses all of my life and i carry a hand held with me.)
My partner in the unit: Horse is now trotting back down main. Now south on Second. Hes running through the car wash. Uh oh, hes on the main rd, stopped at the light. Ok hes running again.
Supervisor: Are yall trying to be horse wranglers now?
Us: M10 were getting out of here, lost sight of the horse. Were not very good at horse wrangiling, and now i have chest pain.

Three thirty in the morning:

Tones drop after not running a call for entire shift so we are tucked away in bed. Tones drop 3 times as well as supervisor tones and no voice comming across the radio. Were in the truck lights are on trying to get over the radio to see what the call is about. M50 test page, test page only.....thats for your facebook comment..... Have a nice night boys!


----------



## IAems (Jun 5, 2011)

*Just heard this one*

Unit #4: Dispatch. We still have not received any page regarding this pick up.
Dispatch: Copy, unit 4.  The MDT unit is temporarily out of service.  Would you like me to give it to you orally?
Unit #4: (through laughter) Yeah, dispatch, I'll take oral.
Dispatch: Unit 4, you guys suck.
Unit #4: Actually dispatch, I think we just covered that.


----------



## crazycajun (Jun 5, 2011)

About 10:30 this morning

Dispatch: EM35 proceed to 1234 x street. 15yo male w/CC of PE.

EM35: Copy dispatch. Is there MD on scene that verified PE? (I am thinking pulmonary Embolism)

Dispatch: Standby

Dispatch: EM35 disregard call. PT's girlfriend made call and was concerned boyfriend was ill due to PE and explained PE stood for Premature Ejaculation that has occurred several times today. 

EM35: Copy dispatch. Advise PT's girlfriend it is called ED and to tell PT think of grandma while engaged in the act.


----------



## m0nster986 (Jun 6, 2011)

Dispatch: blah blah blah... "Code 4"

Unit: Confirm code 4 or code 3?

Dispatch: Code 3


----------



## marcus2011 (Jun 6, 2011)

Dispatch: Medic one need you to respond to a transport at 458 blah blah blah drive.

Medic one: copy put us enroute

30 seconds go by

Dispatch: medic one whats your location?

Medic one: 2265 70 west

Dispatch: copy now get your asses out of mcdonalds and do something


----------



## hoss42141 (Jun 7, 2011)

*crazy*

I heard the dispatcher say, "attention EMS unit, I need you to come 10-8 for emergency traffic. Have a patient who thinks he has cancer, because he has been out in the sun all day and his hands, arms, and face are starting to swell."


----------



## CaydenElizalde (Jun 7, 2011)

I heard this in one of my first ride outs, just kind of an odd moment late at night after a busy busy day:

Dispatch: "Champion pre-alert...uh....someone I think..."
Us: please not us../
Dispatch: "Champion pre-alert (our town)"
*tones*
Dispatch: "Champion (####) please respond to a possible appendix rupture, patient stated her husband is complaining of very high abdominal pain, priority 1"
Us: "(####) champion received, en route."
*Halfway to scene out in the county*
Dispatch: "Champion (####) disregard 911 call. Pt. has apparently broken wind and his pains are...alleviated. Return to post."
Us: "Received"


----------



## MassEMT-B (Jun 7, 2011)

Partner: 45
Dispatch: Go ahead 45
Partner: 45 is out at uhh... westwood no wait uh.. cedarwood wait uhh wherever we are
Dispatch:.... received. 45 are you drunk?


----------



## EMTswag (Jun 7, 2011)

Ambulance (after being dispatched to a job across town): Dispatch, is that residence on the left or right side of the street? 
Dispatch: Stand by... (pause for about 10 seconds)... its going to be the left side of the street. 
Supervisor (Over radio): Yay google


----------



## Handsome Rob (Jun 13, 2011)

*OPA That Sh*t!*

Upon arriving on scene and finding the "congested" patient A&Ox4 but breathing at 38 times a minute, Unit 4 notifies dispatch of the possible delay and reroute.

 Dispatch responds with: "If the patient hits 40 bpm, drop an OPA and start bagging." 

Unit 4: "the patient is awake and talking."

Dispatch (with conviction this time): Check your scope of practice. IF the patient hits 40 bpm, drop an OPA and start bagging him."

Unit 4: "sure thing." ***throws the radio in the truck and continues patient care, excluding the whole OPA thing...


----------



## Horn229 (Jun 13, 2011)

We have a frequent flyer who calls 5-7 times a week, most often between 0100-0600hrs, and typically for "difficulty breathing" or a "headache". Last week she called in the afternoon, and the dispatch went like this..

Fireboard to Unit 1

Unit 1, goahead

Make a response to One Twenty Three Main St Apartment number 1 .. 1 2 3 Main St Apartment number 1 .... Today we're gonna go with an injured person, a 30 Alpha 2.


----------



## usalsfyre (Jun 13, 2011)

Handsome Rob said:


> Upon arriving on scene and finding the "congested" patient A&Ox4 but breathing at 38 times a minute, Unit 4 notifies dispatch of the possible delay and reroute.
> 
> Dispatch responds with: "If the patient hits 40 bpm, drop an OPA and start bagging."
> 
> ...



I wonder if they would have been willing to clean up the vomit...


----------



## johnrsemt (Jun 16, 2011)

I always love it when dispatch tries to tell us how to do our job:

  I was transferring pt from little ED #A to big ED #B.  Told dispatch that we were transporting;  they asked from where  (They dispatched me there, sme dispatcher).
  I told them from #A to #B.  I was told that if we were on the property of A  we had to go to their ED.   I explained that I was doing a transfer from A to B.  Got told the same thing.    
  I told them that I couldn't take the patient back.   Was told that I would be written up.   I said ok.
   When I got back that day the supervisor was waiting with my write up.  I asked her to research it;  she ended up scratching out my name and writing in the dispatchers name.


----------



## kf4lar (Jun 18, 2011)

Earlier this week I overheard dispatch tone out for a man in his 70's that had dialed 911 from his cell phone.  He had rolled his 6-wheeler and his legs were trapped under it.  (ALWAYS wear your seatbelt.)

When the on-call crew left the station they asked for an update.  According to dispatch, he was "conscious, breathing (duh) and VERY, VERY alert."


----------



## nemedic (Jul 2, 2011)

DISPATCH: P6, respond to beach near (address redacted) for a kayak in the water. 
P6: Responding. P6 to dispatch, isn't that where they're supposed to go?
DISPATCH: P6, Kayak is in the ocean. Caller is unsure whether or not the kayaker is in distress or not. 
P6: Rogggggggggggggggger.
About 5 minutes later:
P6: Dispatch, we're on arrival. 
DISPATCH: P6, the kayak is now a telephone pole. You can go back in service. 
P6: received. You want us to check to see if the phone pole is in distress or not?


----------



## mintygood (Jul 2, 2011)

Fireman: "I have an unresponsive pt, A&Ox3"


----------



## kbrodie694 (Jul 4, 2011)

Now I know why it is the largest "fired" district they can't find their way around...lol


----------



## TxParamedic (Jul 5, 2011)

During a flood our VFD was sent to a home that was in the flooded area by a concerned dog owner that reported her dog was chained up in the yard and she was afraid it would drown. When the unit cleared the scene another fire unit called and asked 
"what kind of dog was it" 
the first unit replied
"A tree climbing dog"


----------



## Rev.IKON (Jul 12, 2011)

Unit 498: 498 show us at destination, be advised we have one flight of stairs about 25 steps.
Dispatch: 498 copy that, have fun.


----------



## Anjel (Jul 12, 2011)

We were down on coverage yesterday and the supervisor was out running calls.

supv: Dispatch 123.
Dispatch: 123 go ahead.
Supv: 123 is complete. Can we go home now (About 1 hour after his shift was supposed to end)
Dispatch: I copied that you were complete. What was that last part?
Supv: Just wondering if we could go home now.
Dispatch: we are at one care status but I guess If you really need to. 
Supv: Copy enroute back to the main.

*Facepalm* Wish I could do that.


----------



## pa132399 (Jul 16, 2011)

*pd channel*

pd talking to county saying that their radio is having issues

then out of the blue the county dispatched tells the pd to get the corn cob out of your ear

ha only in my county


----------



## sirengirl (Jul 16, 2011)

My favorite is when my dispatcher or driver says the patient's address over the radio, or adds, "...for the (medical condition)." :glare:


(We're volunteer and don't have anything encrypted.... anyone could listen in on our radios whenever they wanted.)


----------



## TransportJockey (Jul 16, 2011)

sirengirl said:


> My favorite is when my dispatcher or driver says the patient's address over the radio, or adds, "...for the (medical condition)." :glare:
> 
> 
> (We're volunteer and don't have anything encrypted.... anyone could listen in on our radios whenever they wanted.)



Thats standard dispatch information for us.


----------



## sirengirl (Jul 16, 2011)

TransportJockey said:


> Thats standard dispatch information for us.



Right but my point is that we are on public radios. It flirts with HIPAA violation if someone got really upset about it.


----------



## TransportJockey (Jul 16, 2011)

sirengirl said:


> Right but my point is that we are on public radios. It flirts with HIPAA violation if someone got really upset about it.



No it doesn't. 
Read this: http://psc.apcointl.org/2010/08/26/hipaa-radio-emd/


> Fortunately, HIPAA permits any disclosures of PHI that are necessary for patient treatment purposes. This covers most types of transmissions that covered entities need to make during dispatch and EMS communications.
> <snip>
> So dispatch agencies can transmit identifiable information to ambulance services, including the patient’s name and address, if necessary to enable the ambulance service to locate and identify the patient.


----------



## sirengirl (Jul 16, 2011)

Yet where I am we are told to call in to the hospital on cell phones to give our "m/f patient aged number years with medical condition be there in 5." Perhaps it's a ploy for Verizon to get more cell usage.


----------



## TransportJockey (Jul 16, 2011)

sirengirl said:


> Yet where I am we are told to call in to the hospital on cell phones to give our "m/f patient aged number years with medical condition be there in 5." Perhaps it's a ploy for Verizon to get more cell usage.



Heh, no that's good practice. Hospitals in TX (at least where I worked) wanted phone reports because the phone lines were recorded. Here in NM we give our incoming reports to all the facilities via radio.


----------



## sirengirl (Jul 16, 2011)

TransportJockey said:


> Heh, no that's good practice. Hospitals in TX (at least where I worked) wanted phone reports because the phone lines were recorded. Here in NM we give our incoming reports to all the facilities via radio.



I WISH they would give us radios. Real radios. I've been harping on the station chief about it. He told me that the county estimates we saved them 6 MILLION dollars last year (as we are BLS volunteer and run off donations, the only "support" we get is the linens we use from the hospital, and we happen to run in an extremely geriatric community), yet they won't give us county f#*%ing radios.... Cheapskates.


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Jul 16, 2011)

For us dispatch gives out the adress and the nature of the call but never the name, we do not have encryption. We will sometimes receive the name in a page or if we call dispatch on a cell phone. We have the option of calling the hospital via radio or via cellphone. Both of which gets recorded. Everyone calls in using the cellphone because it's easier. If for some reason we need to say the patients name over the cellphone to the hospital then we must ask the patient if that is ok with them.


----------



## jjesusfreak01 (Jul 16, 2011)

No names over the radio here. If the complaint should be kept confidential, the nature of the call is sent to our text pagers and shows on the MDC computer. The hospital doesn't need to know the name either, they'll get it as soon as we walk in the door.


----------



## emtchick171 (Jul 16, 2011)

We had a police chase going on and the dispatcher advised all units were 10-56 (intoxicated) rather than 10-6(busy)


----------



## usalsfyre (Jul 16, 2011)

Address and complaint over the radio. Reports are usually by cell phone but my be called in on a statewide radio network. No names for the most part, occasionally we will give a name over cell phone to start the preregistration process for a STEMI or stroke.


----------



## LucidResq (Jul 16, 2011)

Cop: "Can we get Fire to bring some gas masks back out here for the body-snatchers?" 


Long story.


----------



## sirengirl (Jul 19, 2011)

(This literally just happened. My unit is a volunteer BLS service with a dedicated lane line. We run 2 rigs 0700 - 1900 and 1 rig overnight. This call comes in at 7:04 after my crew has left; I'm still finishing PCRs and the night team is on a call.)

*tones*
Dispatcher: "what is your emergency?"
Caller: "I need an ambulance to-"
D: "we don't have any units available. Let me give you the number-"
*scuffling as my chief lunges in the dispatch room and hisses at her*
D: "oh! Oh, its 9-1-1."

:rofl:


----------



## rmabrey (Jul 19, 2011)

Medic 6 I need you for a priority 6 out of Women's going to (hospital attached directly attached to womens)


----------



## Sasha (Jul 19, 2011)

rmabrey said:


> Medic 6 I need you for a priority 6 out of Women's going to (hospital attached directly attached to womens)




One of these days I'm going to open a business that builds tunnels from hospitals to the nursing homes that are directly across the street or in the parking lot.


----------



## Bullets (Jul 20, 2011)

dispatched for local LEO with chest pain since 3, CAD says he says he has acid reflux before but not this long

Unit 10: Radio, eta on ALS?
Radio: 10 no medics were dispatched
Unit 10: Received radio, no medics for chest pain
Radio: 10, land line radio
Unit 10: Not until you get me medics


----------



## rmabrey (Jul 21, 2011)

Sasha said:


> One of these days I'm going to open a business that builds tunnels from hospitals to the nursing homes that are directly across the street or in the parking lot.



That run took over an hour for a 2 minute transport time. It only took that long cause of the stop signs on the campus.


----------



## daine.scott (Jul 25, 2011)

That was damn funny sirengirl. Damn there are so many but I can’t recollect even one to share.


----------



## JJR512 (Aug 20, 2011)

This wasn't a dumb thing I heard, it was more funny than anything else. OK, it was just mildly amusing. 

Dispatch: "Your patient is breathing."
Medic unit: "OK. That's good."


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Aug 20, 2011)

Our dispatch was trying to talk to medic 406. Over the radio it sounded like 106. After 3 times the dispatcher changed it up. 

"medic Quatro-O-sixo". Then 406 came back with "Medic Quatro-O-sixo go ahead"


----------



## Martyn (Aug 21, 2011)

JJR512 said:


> This wasn't a dumb thing I heard, it was more funny than anything else. OK, it was just mildly amusing.
> 
> Dispatch: "Your patient is breathing."
> Medic unit: "OK. That's good."


 
We got told that on a call to a 93 yr old female fall at home 'Medic XX be advised patient is concious and breathing'...we get on scene and poor old lady was sat in her wheelchair, head tilted back, mouth wide open, pulseless and guess what? NOT BREATHING   :wacko:


----------



## fast65 (Aug 21, 2011)

"Medic 123 I show you en route to that traffic collision. Be advised, there's a bunch of people running around, unknown reason."

Sent from my mobile command center


----------



## addictedforever (Aug 22, 2011)

heard a ff/emt say "medic 81 has lifted off" instead of the chopper...dispatch was like "uh...would you repeat that?" we gave him a toy medic with chopper rotors on it later


----------



## DESERTDOC (Aug 23, 2011)

...and the baby is 2 knuckles from coming out....

On the MED-NET, while I am driving.



WTF, over!


----------



## DaniPhoenix (Aug 26, 2011)

Sasha said:


> One of these days I'm going to open a business that builds tunnels from hospitals to the nursing homes that are directly across the street or in the parking lot.



Ours HAS a tunnel and we still get called. At 4 am. Because they couldnt "spare an aide because they would have to wait with the patient." because you are busy doing.... What exactly?


----------



## addictedforever (Aug 26, 2011)

DaniPhoenix said:


> Ours HAS a tunnel and we still get called. At 4 am. Because they couldnt "spare an aide because they would have to wait with the patient." because you are busy doing.... What exactly?


they pro'ly tho't they couldn't spare an aide, because if they are like either of the nursing homes i worked at...they're already maxed out at night...if you're allowed to have 25 residents per aide on noc, that's what we had, sometimes more than that...so even tho' it seems like they wouldn't have anything to do, when you have 25-30 residents your responsible for, it takes a while to do rounds and you have to be there all the time in case something happens...which it usually does in threes


----------



## DaniPhoenix (Aug 27, 2011)

addictedforever said:


> they pro'ly tho't they couldn't spare an aide, because if they are like either of the nursing homes i worked at...they're already maxed out at night...if you're allowed to have 25 residents per aide on noc, that's what we had, sometimes more than that...so even tho' it seems like they wouldn't have anything to do, when you have 25-30 residents your responsible for, it takes a while to do rounds and you have to be there all the time in case something happens...which it usually does in threes



they had at least one aid and 2 nurses.. and I'm pretty sure the hospital employs a porter or 5, though perhaps they don't work nights. anyways.


----------



## WoodyPN (Aug 27, 2011)

LTC i worked has 1 RN to roughly 70 pts on nght shift. Usually 3 aides to those 70. Day is  1 LPN per ~30, 1 aid to ~6to10


----------



## addictedforever (Aug 28, 2011)

blwoods0 said:


> LTC i worked has 1 RN to roughly 70 pts on nght shift. Usually 3 aides to those 70. Day is  1 LPN per ~30, 1 aid to ~6to10



wow! we had one rn/lpn for 50 beds and two aides on noc


----------



## WoodyPN (Aug 28, 2011)

C.A.D.                    Event Listing For: E:censored:               08/28/11

Event Number: E:censored:                                             Page  1


   08/28/11 09:13:10  FND: 0018  HEADACHE                                   

Sigh.... not my call, but it went in as AMA <_<


----------



## HCSOES861 (Sep 11, 2011)

*HCSO vs The Hotel*

I am a volunteer for the County Sheriff EMS - and we were having dinner with the Licensed Deputy at the time 

Disp: 12** respond to ---Inn
12**: copy - whats the problem
Disp: Hotel reports problem with two guests
12**: and the problem is....
Disp: they want to check in.

coffee went everywhere

or how bout

Disp: 57** call about a cat fight at ....Shorline Dr
57**: tell the caller to turn the hose on them
Disp: (around howls of laughter at Disp) Correction - two women fighting in the yard of ....Shorline Drive


----------



## HCSOES861 (Sep 11, 2011)

*Grass Fire*

Disp: 58** grass fire at X and Y in the median
58**: Disp that is 56** area
56**: 58** that is in your jursidiction
58**: 56** X & Y is your jurisdiction
Disp: Uh.....The fire is going down the MIDDLE of the median....each of you can have a side - JUST GO!!!


----------



## HCSOES861 (Sep 11, 2011)

*Fire!!*

Reading through the older ones remind me of good ones Ive heard!!

Dis: BDFD respond to 8**** *2th Ave NE - report of car fire
BDFD: Thats ****Patrol division
Disp: Affrimative - a Patrol Vehicle is on fire in the garage

that thing was TOAST!!


----------



## HCSOES861 (Sep 11, 2011)

*Mile Markers*

ES: 16%% we have a rollover at Mile Marker XX - kinda in the middle of a long strech of freeway that who KNOWs what the cross street would be because they arent straight 
DISP: 16%% give better location - we dont use Mile Markers
ES: Straining to think of cross street as free way traffic flows by " Hwy &&/ EB **"
58**: ES16 - we are at MM** and will assist in 3
Disp: Copy 58** - at MM** and Hwy&&....do you need ambulance?


----------



## HCSOES861 (Sep 11, 2011)

*Fresh Beef*

Heard on the radio

Disp: 12** report of bull loose on _____Differly Rd
12**: 12**on sceen

minutes later

12**: If there are calls - just dispatched young bull that would not be corralled by owner  -
12**: 12** to 12* on patrol
12**: go ahead
12**: save me a nice steak and a roast will ya?


----------



## CTBryan11 (Sep 12, 2011)

*Coded!*

We ran a code this weekend and while we were working on the patient, my boss got on the radio to give the report to medvac for us

Pilot- MedVac to Unit 1 can we get a report on the patient and a exact weight

My Boss- Unit one to MedVac, pt coded on the crapper.....pt has been intubated, succesful on first attempt, IV access has been established running saline w/o, 2 rounds of epi 1:10000 have been adminstered and lidocaine has been pushed, pt. is now showing normal sinus rythm with a bp of 132/86, and a pulse strong and regular at 97, pt weighs around 130 pnds. Any more questions or orders on this pt?

Pilot- did you just say the pt coded on the crapper?

My Boss- 10-4

Pilot- (laughing) rough night for them huh?... eta 4 mins

i didn't have to put the whole report on there but i thought it was pretty cool we got her back lol, and even though coding on the toilet isn't that rare.. you don't usually hear coded on "crapper"


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Sep 13, 2011)

-Attention ********* First Aid squad, request for an ambulance at ** Willow Drive for a female patient with a mouth issue.
-**50 to Dispatch who reported the call in?
-Dispatch to **50, The husband called 911
...

Any alarms going off about that call?


----------



## IRIDEZX6R (Sep 13, 2011)

traumaluv2011 said:


> -Attention ********* First Aid squad, request for an ambulance at ** Willow Drive for a female patient with a mouth issue.
> -**50 to Dispatch who reported the call in?
> -Dispatch to **50, The husband called 911
> ...
> ...



Maybe you should clarify ever so slightly..


----------



## WoodyPN (Sep 19, 2011)

"diabeetus"

Also, some of our jurisdiction is quite rural while most is a mid size city. A call came out for a hunter trapped a tree stand. For the next four minutes we here the units and dispatch going back and forth about a cross street when everyone in my unit knew there wasn't a single cross street on that rode for miles.... 

Oh and missing our "OK" checks...tends to piss off dispatch, so one night on a psych emergency with no PD on scene, we walk outside to be greeted by 4 police cruisers and our Captain. Good to know they have our backs I guess.


----------



## Cup of Joe (Sep 20, 2011)

unit gets called to an accident on one of the NYC bridges...thats it.  They responded to dispatch with "You'll have to do better than that."


----------



## attnondeck (Sep 21, 2011)

firefite said:


> Our dispatch was trying to talk to medic 406. Over the radio it sounded like 106. After 3 times the dispatcher changed it up.
> 
> "medic Quatro-O-sixo". Then 406 came back with "Medic Quatro-O-sixo go ahead"




i had to do that once giving a report to the hospital on an 8 yo male pt.

nurse: how old did you say the pt was?
me: eight.  8 year old pt. 
nurse: did you 80?
me: negative.  ZERO EIGHT.
nurse: can you repeat?
ME: OCHO! copy?
nurse: see you when you get here...

the dr found it funny when i got there.  the nurse was falling asleep at the desk.


----------



## IRIDEZX6R (Sep 21, 2011)

I've seen the traige nurse at one of the local trauma centers yell at the emts over the radio.. pretty funny.


----------



## Handsome Robb (Sep 21, 2011)

I'd be pissed if a nurse yelled at me on the air.


----------



## WoodyPN (Sep 21, 2011)

Our hospital treats us very well, but you can bet your behind if they yelled at us on air, we'd have a word with them, and so would our duty officer. Quite a few of us also work in the ER, so its very rare anyone is ever cross either on the radio or in person.


----------



## Hunter (Sep 21, 2011)

Lol not sure if anyones posted this up yet but it's happened a couple of times.

Unit: This is unit 25, 2, 5, requesting priority one.
Dispatch: Unit 25, can we get a reference and doesn't your Pt have a valid DNR?
Unit: Reference, SOB, Pt does have DNR.
Dispatch: Code 3 Denied, proceed with flow of traffic.


----------



## attnondeck (Sep 22, 2011)

IRIDEZX6R said:


> I've seen the traige nurse at one of the local trauma centers yell at the emts over the radio.. pretty funny.




at that point i just hang up the radio and when i get there i tell them very nicely "there was a radio issue" :rofl:


----------



## exodus (Sep 22, 2011)

Hunter said:


> Lol not sure if anyones posted this up yet but it's happened a couple of times.
> 
> Unit: This is unit 25, 2, 5, requesting priority one.
> Dispatch: Unit 25, can we get a reference and doesn't your Pt have a valid DNR?
> ...



That's when you either keep going Code 3 anyway, or have medics intercept and your company loses the pay from the transport


----------



## imadriver (Sep 25, 2011)

Ran a Cardiac Arrest right down the road from the hospital. Hopped up front to after we loaded, called in a radio report for my medic.

Me to hospital: "ER, coming Emergency to you with an aprox. 75yo Female, Witness Cardiac Arrest 15 minutes prior to now, Good IV 16g left arm, Medic is working on intubation. One round of drugs in, second going in now. Only about 2 to 3 minutes out. Need anything else?" (Figured I had covered everything)

ER Nurse on Radio: "Copy all, What is patients Mental Status?"
 -Long Pause-
Me: "Well her heart isn't beating, sooo patient is unresponsive"

ER Nurse on Radio: "Copy Cardiac Arrest... You have a set of vitals?"
Me: "... Negative. We were going to let you get them when we got there, Clear from Traffic, out"

I got in trouble for that too... Apparently she was new... ... ...


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Sep 25, 2011)

Lol apparently someone isn't too familiar with pre-hospital care. You would think intubation = uncoscious, no? Or painful with no gag reflex, but what are the odds of that?

Also you can't get many vitals when the heart isn't working...


----------



## Leafmealone (Sep 26, 2011)

traumaluv2011 said:


> Also you can't get many vitals when the heart isn't working...



Bull! If your doing going full code, the patient's vitals are something along the lines of Pulse-100, Respirations-12, With a Systolic bp of about 50.


----------



## imadriver (Sep 26, 2011)

Leafmealone said:


> Bull! If your doing going full code, the patient's vitals are something along the lines of Pulse-100, Respirations-12, With a Systolic bp of about 50.



Haha, I should've said that. She caught me off guard and I was dumbfounded for a minute or two.


And, yes, I figured she would get the unconscious part from that whole "Cardiac Arrest" and "Intubation" thing.


----------



## IRIDEZX6R (Sep 26, 2011)

imadriver said:


> Haha, I should've said that. She caught me off guard and I was dumbfounded for a minute or two.
> 
> 
> And, yes, I figured she would get the unconscious part from that whole "Cardiac Arrest" and "Intubation" thing.



I would have asked her to repeat two or three times


----------



## jjesusfreak01 (Sep 27, 2011)

imadriver said:


> Haha, I should've said that. She caught me off guard and I was dumbfounded for a minute or two.
> 
> 
> And, yes, I figured she would get the unconscious part from that whole "Cardiac Arrest" and "Intubation" thing.



Does your EMS system usually transport working codes? The nurses in my county would probably assume ROSC with any patient we called in as a cardiac arrest, just because we always stay and play.


----------



## Cawolf86 (Sep 27, 2011)

"ECC to Engine 9"
"Engine 9"
"RP states that she is 'Sitting next to the......[giggles]......RP...[giggles]......Rp states she is next to the mechanical......the mechanical horse [background laughter] that is painted pink and goes "Neigh Neigh"'.
"Engine 9 copy. RP is next to the mechanical horse that goes neigh neigh?"
"That's affirmative"

"Engine 9 to ECC"
"ECC"
"Updated location for ambulance - patient is currently at the mechanical kangaroo"
"EC.....ECC copy"


----------



## imadriver (Sep 27, 2011)

jjesusfreak01 said:


> Does your EMS system usually transport working codes? The nurses in my county would probably assume ROSC with any patient we called in as a cardiac arrest, just because we always stay and play.



That's unusual? haha, yes, we ran all codes unless it's an obvious death, every once in awhile we will get a working code, and call it on scene. But that's usually only because a firefighter started CPR on someone that was DRT, and we have to call Med Control for orders to stop. But yes, we usually play a little on scene (less than five, tops about ten minutes) and then grab and go.


----------



## attnondeck (Sep 27, 2011)

jjesusfreak01 said:


> Does your EMS system usually transport working codes? The nurses in my county would probably assume ROSC with any patient we called in as a cardiac arrest, just because we always stay and play.



You stay on scene and work codes?!  How far isclosest hospital?


----------



## WolfmanHarris (Sep 27, 2011)

attnondeck said:


> You stay on scene and work codes?!  How far isclosest hospital?



Pretty much any cardiac arrest with ALS on scene gets worked and pronounced there. Based on the crew's judgment they may decide to transport without a ROSC but this is extremely infrequent. 

Until recently in my area PCP crews (BLS) could not TOR medical arrests. This was a policy decision made largely due to the high percentage of ACP crews in our system. Now with directives being standardized across the province we'll also be pronouncing on scene where we have an adult pt, suspected cardiac cause for arrest without a shockable rhythm throughout the arrest and no ROSC. (following the third round)


----------



## Handsome Robb (Sep 27, 2011)

attnondeck said:


> You stay on scene and work codes?!  How far isclosest hospital?



The only codes we transport without ROSC are pediatrics if they have a viable rhythm U/A or cold water drownings. Other than that 99% are worked and called on scene unless we have an extenuating circumstance (read crazy emotional family, even then we usually move to the rig then call OMD for termination orders) What can the hospital do in a cardiac arrest situation that we can't?  Our transport times to an ER including a Level II are 10 minutes or less even without RLS unless we are in an outlying valley then your looking at ~15 mins maybe 20 tops.

No point to endanger yourself, your partner, the FF riding with you and other citizens on the road by transporting a dead body RLS.


----------



## Chimpie (Sep 27, 2011)

Great discussion, but let's take it to another and let this topic get back on track.

Thanks!


----------



## Meursault (Oct 20, 2011)

*Crew:* 60, we're on arrival.
*Dispatch:* 116, would that be on arrival at (hospital they picked up from) or (SNF they were going to)?
*Crew:* 60, six-zero, that would be (SNF). 
*Dispatch:* Thank you, 13, I have you on arrival.
*Crew:* *keys mike, pauses, doesn't reply*


----------



## para344 (Oct 21, 2011)

*Student:* 3WX, slow 495 to a 2         (Code 1: Acute/urgent response with lights & sirens Code 2: Urgent/non-acute response, no lights/sirens)

*Dispatcher (3WX):* *silence*

*Air495:* Ummm, we're a helicopter. We only have one speed, but I'll turn my lights and sirens off!

*Student:* :blush: (so I'm told)

true story...


----------



## Sodapop (Oct 24, 2011)

Many years ago when ten codes were the 
norm.....

Unit: als 7 is 10-98, 10-8, 10-51 to da crib.
Dispatch: 10-4, 0231hours.


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Oct 26, 2011)

imadriver said:


> Ran a Cardiac Arrest right down the road from the hospital. Hopped up front to after we loaded, called in a radio report for my medic.
> 
> Me to hospital: "ER, coming Emergency to you with an aprox. 75yo Female, Witness Cardiac Arrest 15 minutes prior to now, Good IV 16g left arm, Medic is working on intubation. One round of drugs in, second going in now. Only about 2 to 3 minutes out. Need anything else?" (Figured I had covered everything)
> 
> ...



There is something similar to this that I just found on youtube. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNxP0VV7MA0


----------



## EMTswag (Oct 26, 2011)

NVRob said:


> I'd be pissed if a nurse yelled at me on the air.



Yup me and them would be having a nice private conversation about that


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 27, 2011)

Working Nights at private service:  Dispatcher sent us to local ED to return pt to ECF (1 block away from each other).

   When we got to ED I marked on scene and gave them mileage

   Control asked us who we were;  I ignored her and we went inside

   Few minutes later marking transporting;  again asked who we were.

   25 seconds later marked at destination with mileage,  asked again who we were.  Ignored her again

   about 10 minutes later we marked in service.   She got irate on the radio demanding to know who we were.
   I told her  " control you only have 1 truck in service on nights,  figure it out yourself"    few minutes later she asked for our times and mileages because she wasn't entering them into the computer due to not knowing which of the ONE truck to enter it under.

   one of the few times I didn't get in trouble for my radio traffic.  Even though she wrote me up;  (she got 8 hrs unpaid time off for that though).


----------



## bw2529 (Oct 27, 2011)

johnrsemt said:


> Working Nights at private service:  Dispatcher sent us to local ED to return pt to ECF (1 block away from each other).
> 
> When we got to ED I marked on scene and gave them mileage
> 
> ...



I'll grant you that she is likely an idiot, but I still would have just given my unit number.


----------



## adamjh3 (Oct 27, 2011)

bw2529 said:


> I'll grant you that she is likely an idiot, but I still would have just given my unit number.



^+1. Be nice to dispatchers, they can make your life hell.


----------



## Anjel (Oct 27, 2011)

bw2529 said:


> I'll grant you that she is likely an idiot, but I still would have just given my unit number.



Any radio traffic I have always starts with my unit number.

And they still get it wrong. 

"radio 123"
"last unit calling"
"123 1-2-3"
"143 go ahead"


----------



## DV_EMT (Oct 28, 2011)

Heard this one a few months back - Sorry anyone whos with AMR, but this is courtesy of AMR/Dispacth

Calstar: This is Calstar, were on approach, whats your current location
Medic XX: In the big open field
Calstar: Do you have the patient ready to go?
Medic XX: Negative, we're with the pt, but the gate is locked and we can't get the rig in.
Calstar: Copy, please contact dispatch, ETA 7 minutes.

Medic XX: Medic XX to Dispatch
Dispatch: Go ahead Medic XX.
Medic XX: Can you get someone to unlock the gate so we can pull our rig in.
Dispatch: Negative, that not our problem

There was more to it than that, but thats the short version, you can imagine there was so much bantering back and forth.


----------



## comppro (Oct 29, 2011)

adamjh3 said:


> ^+1. Be nice to dispatchers, they can make your life hell.



Slight correction, they can send you to hell.


----------



## Nerd13 (Oct 30, 2011)

comppro said:


> Slight correction, they can send you to hell.



Literally if you work in Michigan!


----------



## comppro (Oct 30, 2011)

Nerd13 said:


> Literally if you work in Michigan!



same here in PA


----------



## DrParasite (Oct 30, 2011)

johnrsemt said:


> one of the few times I didn't get in trouble for my radio traffic.  Even though she wrote me up;  (she got 8 hrs unpaid time off for that though).


I'm sorry, but what did she get the 8 hrs off for?  you were the one who didn't answer the simple question of what unit you were.  had you answered what unit you were, the whole situation could have been resolved.

not only that, but maybe the dispatcher was on the phone, entering a new job, doing paperwork, doing QA, maybe trying to hit the little dispatcher's room when you called?  

if I was your boss, I would have given you more than 8 hours off for making the situation worse and not being professional.  But that's just my 2 cents, and I have worked on both sides of the mic


----------



## emscrazy1 (Oct 31, 2011)

DrParasite said:


> if I was your boss, I would have given you more than 8 hours off for making the situation worse and not being professional.  But that's just my 2 cents, and I have worked on both sides of the mic



Agreed, even of you're the only unit on at night the question was simple. No need to be ignorant.


----------



## fast65 (Oct 31, 2011)

DrParasite said:


> I'm sorry, but what did she get the 8 hrs off for?  you were the one who didn't answer the simple question of what unit you were.  had you answered what unit you were, the whole situation could have been resolved.
> 
> not only that, but maybe the dispatcher was on the phone, entering a new job, doing paperwork, doing QA, maybe trying to hit the little dispatcher's room when you called?
> 
> if I was your boss, I would have given you more than 8 hours off for making the situation worse and not being professional.  But that's just my 2 cents, and I have worked on both sides of the mic



Yup, 100% agreed.

It was unprofessional of you to ignore such a simple question, and you should have gotten a suspension, not her.


----------



## johnrsemt (Nov 1, 2011)

I have also worked both sides of the mic;  and enjoyed my time in dispatch. 
   But I am smart enough to know when I only have one truck showing on the screen that I only have one truck in service; unless I forgot to activate trucks.  
  And I was responding to her as she was disptaching;  she wasn't saying "Medic 1 need you to take a run";  she was dispatching "hey guys need you to do this"   (actually she told us face to face, as we were sitting in dispatch when the call came in).

   I didn't complain about her to management;  when they got the write up from her they investigated it; listened to the phone and radio recordings,  talked to me and my partner  (I told them I wasn't too professional about it, but was just proving a point with her on the dispatch traffic and that was why I didn't complain).     
   There were more reasons that she got the time off than just that night;   and she turned into a decent dispatcher  as long as it wasn't busy or there weren't emergencies.


----------



## BlakeFabian (Nov 6, 2011)

Dispatch: Med 1... Respond to ___ for a sick person
Med 1: 10-8; any additional Pt info?
Dispatch: Yyyyeeessssss

No further traffic until on scene.


----------



## EMT424 (Nov 10, 2011)

Here we get stuff like: " respond to _____. Patient non responsive, but breathing". I laugh every time because I have this image in my mind of someone breathing through their nether orifice. It is the eternal 11 year old in me I guess.


----------



## comppro (Nov 10, 2011)

EMT424 said:


> Here we get stuff like: " respond to _____. Patient non responsive, but breathing". I laugh every time because I have this image in my mind of someone breathing through their nether orifice. It is the eternal 11 year old in me I guess.



Just because they are unresponsive doesn't mean they aren't breathing, we get that quite a bit in my area.


----------



## Anjel (Nov 10, 2011)

comppro said:


> Just because they are unresponsive doesn't mean they aren't breathing, we get that quite a bit in my area.



Pretty sure he giggles at the "butt breathing" 

Breathing out of their butt


----------



## comppro (Nov 10, 2011)

anjel1030 said:


> pretty sure he giggles at the "butt breathing"
> 
> breathing out of their butt



lol, not sure why i didn't get that, i'm usually one of the first to figure those out


----------



## Chrissy1 (Nov 10, 2011)

A couple weeks ago there was a fire at one of the old mine drys just north of town.  The fire just happened to be at the part of the road where only one vehicle will barely fit this was the radio traffic that followed the page:
SO (newer dispatcher that wasn't speaking clearly)- 161 be advised to stage at the ore house.
*off air* 
EMT- We have a w-h-o-r-e house?


----------



## EMT424 (Nov 10, 2011)

Anjel1030 said:


> Pretty sure he giggles at the "butt breathing"
> 
> Breathing out of their butt



Y=es that is it exactly. But then again I laught when ever the baseball announcers say Albert Pujols!


----------



## Trauma_Junkie (Nov 10, 2011)

10-4 unit 605. We have you clear there en route to here.


----------



## Everett (Nov 13, 2011)

We once had a crazy psych patient who would call us every name under the sun, so we decided to accidentally key up the radio. Now, here in my area of New Jersey every EMS agency uses EMS Ops to talk on so the entire county could hear her cursing at us haha.

The dispatchers were quick to hit that "priority message" button and let us know we had an open mic lmfao.


----------



## tune99 (Nov 16, 2011)

WarDance said:


> His parents obviously never got him Hooked On Phonics!



you mean hooked on "F"onix  :rofl:


----------



## tune99 (Nov 16, 2011)

resq330 said:


> Last night....
> 
> 
> Dispatch...Need units to respond for a subject that is choking on "Raisin Bran" cereal.
> ...



silly rabbit :lol:


----------



## HotelCo (Nov 16, 2011)

EMT424 said:


> Here we get stuff like: " respond to _____. Patient non responsive, but breathing". I laugh every time because I have this image in my mind of someone breathing through their nether orifice. It is the eternal 11 year old in me I guess.



Here when we get dispatched to an unconscious person, it comes
Across the computer as "unconscious - not alert"


----------



## Anjel (Nov 16, 2011)

HotelCo said:


> Here when we get dispatched to an unconscious person, it comes
> Across the computer as "unconscious - not alert"



Lmao gets me everytime


----------



## canadianparamedic (Nov 21, 2011)

Paramdic to dispact
 sending patients name alpha siera siera  whale hotel oscar lime echo 
-sent from my phone


----------



## emergancyjunkie (Nov 22, 2011)

Ambulance xx-(its not delivery it's digiorno) ambulance xx enroute to xx hospital


----------



## medicnick83 (Nov 22, 2011)

I have a friend who works in dispatch here in South Africa and I promise you, she can tell you guys stories of things she hears that you will cry laughing.


----------



## EMSrush (Nov 22, 2011)

Dispatch: Medic 1, you are responding Priority 2 to 123 Elm Street for a 44 y/o female, unknown medical.
Medic 1: Medic 1 received, can we get a spelling for the street name?
Dispatch: That's Elm Street- E as in....... Igor, L-Lima, M-Mike.


----------



## traumaqueen5 (Nov 25, 2011)

its 0200 and getting back from a 140 mile round trip transport-----
me: "Unit 805 to Fire Control"
Dispatch: "Fire Control"
Me: "805 will be back in service and going to bed"
Dispatch: "805 back in service..... stand by for page"
Me: mentally thinking "youve got to be kidding me"
Dispatch: "ah just kidding good night"


----------



## traumaqueen5 (Nov 25, 2011)

ZVNEMT said:


> i got a routine house call last year and got some interesting directions from my dispatcher, " Take Gratiot down, go until you see that one church, its been there about 30 years or so.... and make a left... go until you see the blue van thats always parked there... and uh... it's right around there..."
> 
> We had directions like this not to long ago it went: "go thru the 1st sharp corner, take the first left past the first dead tree you come to and stay to the right" mind you we are in a wooded area............. we come to yet another fork in the road I asked dispatch " um did the RP say anything about a big yellow bus and a........ goat?"


----------



## northernnhmedic (Nov 25, 2011)

This was heard on my towns public works frequency.

Truck 4: Truck 4 to base.

Base: Go ahead.

T4: Could you call PSNH (electric company here) and have them look at a pole on Smith Street.

(a few minutes later)

Base: Truck 4, PSNH is requesting details on your request.

T4:  WE JUST HIT THE :censored::censored::censored::censored:ING POLE WITH THE PLOW AND ITS ABOUT TO COME DOWN ON US!


----------



## Commonsavage (Nov 25, 2011)

Dispatch: 55 yo female, unable to get out of chair, complaining of rigormortis.
Me:  Uh, did you dispatch SO and OMI?
Dispatch: Uh, no. Why?

And the ubiquitous: "....unresponsive, butt breathing."


----------



## NomadicMedic (Nov 25, 2011)

"Medic 100, a 9 echo 1, telephone CPR in progress."

A few minutes later the dispatcher says, 

"medic 100, downgrade to a Delta. The call taker says he can hear the patient yelling 'get off me' in the background. Sounds like CPR is NOT indicated."


----------



## AmeriMedic21 (Nov 25, 2011)

Dispatcher - "Medic 71, respond to Long Term Care facility for unconscious male pt, Delta Response."

Medic 71 - "10-4 Dispatch. Medic 71 is en route, do you have any additional Pt information?"

Dispatcher - "Pt has a trash can on top of his head."


----------



## shannonlovesth (Dec 24, 2011)

"Central Respiratory Arrest with difficulty breathing" 
----------
Central:"Ambulance *** 62 yr old female tripped over her dog, possible broken arm" 
Random Guy on Radio: "Is the dog okay?"
Central: "I believe so." 
-------
Also last week the crew I was relieving left the radio keyed up for 15 minutes and yeah...they weren't saying some nice things about the pt. they just transported.


----------



## Lt.Col.Warren (Dec 27, 2011)

*We're gonna need a bigger rig*

While transporting a pt to the ED, hear this call go out to another unit.

Dispatch: Rescue 3, I need you to respond to XYZ beach.
Rescue 3: Acknowledge dispatch, can you please advise reference.
Dispatch: Caller states that the patient was struck by a HUGE wave.

Couldn't stop laughing, our pt thought it was funny too.


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Jan 5, 2012)

Dispatcher: "Harbor Patrol Boat 3, can you advise if you're still on scene of the..... Ocean."


----------



## untico (Jan 6, 2012)

bystander to dispatch:  send an ambulance for this guy, he's right here!!  click!


bystander 2 (different phone call): he's still here at the bus stop..  click!

*i'm doing cpr on the guy*   this was years ago before i got started in ems

i get bystander 3 to call and give correct info and got a rig out, medic climbs out and says you can stop now, son,  it's been a while. he's done....


----------



## NewTex (Jan 22, 2012)

Yesterday, listening to the radio while at home.

Dispatch: EMS primary, please respond to XXXXXX for a cardiac arrest, 15:42

"Medic 301 to dispatch, did you get any more details?"

Dispatch:  " I wasn't told if they were conscious or not"


----------



## DrParasite (Jan 22, 2012)

NewTex said:


> Yesterday, listening to the radio while at home.
> 
> Dispatch: EMS primary, please respond to XXXXXX for a cardiac arrest, 15:42
> 
> ...


But did the dispatcher ask?


----------



## EMT4MX (Feb 5, 2012)

*oops*

Tones....United Area **** you have a call to **** on **** Rd.....

Pause....*thud* *more noise*  *thud*

Female dispatcher "crapola"

Female dispatcher...new mic key  "disregard United Area....wrong town"

Tones....(male dispatcher laughing) "Other town you have a call to...."


----------



## Handsome Robb (Feb 6, 2012)

EMT4MX said:


> Tones....United Area **** you have a call to **** on **** Rd.....
> 
> Pause....*thud* *more noise*  *thud*
> 
> ...



We get wrong tones from time to time. It's usually not a big deal unless it wakes us up only to hear "305 disregard tones, 305 disregard tones."


----------



## Mavrande (Feb 6, 2012)

Cop - "hey dispatch, roll me a rig for an assault victim, unconscious"
Disp - "do you guys have a second ambulance in service"
Medic - "negative. Do you want us to redirect?"
Disp - "no, continue in to that call"
Medic - "we haven't made patient contact yet, we can redirect if that unconscious in a higher priority than this call"
Disp - "continue in to your initial call"
Cop - "Dispatch, I'm pretty sure an unconscious is a higher priority than a migrane"
Disp - "Fine. Medic XX, you're redirecting to XX for the priority one assault victim, reported to be unconscious. ALS is responding."


----------



## Tigger (Feb 6, 2012)

The company I work at recently put another operations channel in use. Previously every company unit (wheel chair, BLS, ALS, Dedicated 911 Coverage ALS and Supervisors) all shared the shared the same frequency. This made as one might imagine makes for a lot of work for the dispatchers. Now we have a city channel and a "down south" channel.

Recently I was at a call that the medics had beat us to so I used the portable to call and ask if they needed anything inside. After a bunch of "A20 to P4" calls, I realized that I was on the down south channel and a truck 50 miles from me keyed up and asked me what the weather conditions were like "up there." I was rather embarrassed, and then dispatch laughed at me once I switched channels.

Not the stupidest I've heard, but the dumbest I've said.


----------



## Handsome Robb (Feb 6, 2012)

I got pretty tongue tied the other day. For compliance stuff they have to have a clear recording of us saying "xxx on scene with/without fire"

My first transmission was blurred so they asked me to repeat. At the same time my partner asked me the address. So I called out "373 on scene with fire, wait 7305 on scene with fire, timeout dispatch let me try that again, Medic 3-0-5 on scene with the big red fire truck."

Address was 73, unit number was 305 h34r:

FNGs haha


----------



## SoCal911 (Feb 6, 2012)

FNG's.. "Rusty rider 213 to cowboy 1, you can show us code 6 in the saloon." aka r213 quarters

"rescue 222 in pursuit of 223" dispatch: "wha?"


----------



## Handsome Robb (Feb 6, 2012)

I'll add to mine from earlier. Not really dumb but it was pretty hilarious, but maybe it was just me being delusional from sitting in the same parking lot for 8 hours. We ran 1 call in a 1 hour shift. Hands down the slowest shift I have ever worked.

Dispatch: "305"
Partner: "What's the address of the emergency!" while trying not to laugh
Dispatch laughing all the way through: "Southern coverage 305, the address is intersection1/intersection2 (one of our main hard posts), are you familiar with the location?  "
Partner: "Thats a good rodger I think I can find it, dispatch show us en route."
Dispatch: "By the way stop for fuel on the way, all that idling you guys have been doing all day probably burned quite a bit."
Partner: "I'll have you know we have been working hard!"

I guess you'd have to know my partner. He's a man a few words and a rather mild sense of humor. Needless to say it was pretty funny coming from him.


----------



## Vladamir von bone (Feb 6, 2012)

On my ride along last summer had one heck of a call dudes forekin got hooked in his gf birth control ring 

Emt: 11x2 to medical direction come in please 
Nurse: go ahead 11x2
Emt : we have two pt.s male and female stuck together at the generals male is complaing of a tearing pain please advise
Nursel:say again?
Medic takes the radio
Medic: hospital we have a pt.s who's uncircomsided foreskin is caught on his girl friends birth control ring we don't know how to handle this one please advise
Hospital: wait one 
5mins later
Doctor: what position are they in ?
Medic: missionary?
Doctor: transport male on bottom and keep him aroused it should help stop the pain or at least releive some of it well see you in a few 

That was the most awkward ride in an ambulance I've ever had


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Feb 6, 2012)

Vladamir von bone said:


> On my ride along last summer had one heck of a call dudes forekin got hooked in his gf birth control ring
> 
> Emt: 11x2 to medical direction come in please
> Nurse: go ahead 11x2
> ...



You know I was just talking to a coworker about this on a shift. I was wondering if something would ever happen where a male and female patient would have to be transported like that. I'll have to share this with him


----------



## Vladamir von bone (Feb 6, 2012)

Go rite ahead and shear lol it was funny but awkward at the same time a very unique experience


----------



## Foxbat (Feb 14, 2012)

Vladamir von bone said:


> Go rite ahead and shear lol it was funny but awkward at the same time a very unique experience



So... Did you manage to keep the pt. aroused?


----------



## ffemt8978 (Feb 14, 2012)

While working 911 dispatch one night, took call on possible armed kidnapping in progress.  Suspect vehicle was near one of our cities that had it's own PD, so they also responded and conducted a felony traffic stop on the vehicle.

Then I hear from an officer's open mic, "SUDDEN MOVES MAKE YOU DEAD!!!!"


----------



## SoCal911 (Feb 14, 2012)

Tonight over Fire tac channel. OrCo engine 34 to doctors ambulance. Doctors: Doctors 22 go ahead. OrCo: We need you guys for this diabetic involved in this TC. Doctors: Were 12-15 out due to traffic, would you like us to upgrade code 3? OrCo: Why were you not responding code 3 already? Doctors: Our dispatch instructed code 2.  OrCo: Well? *heavy breathing* Get moving!


----------



## Vladamir von bone (Feb 14, 2012)

They had to have sex in front of us in the rig it was kinda awkward because every few mins we'd make small talk to try and get rid of the awkwardness


----------



## DrParasite (Feb 15, 2012)

Vladamir von bone said:


> They had to have sex in front of us in the rig it was kinda awkward because every few mins we'd make small talk to try and get rid of the awkwardness


please explain 1) how this made it over the radio 2) why they HAD to have sex in front of you and 3) why didn't you suggest they stop them from having sex, or at least refrain from a time when they had more privacy?


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Feb 15, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> please explain 1) how this made it over the radio 2) why they HAD to have sex in front of you and 3) why didn't you suggest they stop them from having sex, or at least refrain from a time when they had more privacy?



Policy.. :rofl:

Read his first post about the call and what medical direction advised.


----------



## DrParasite (Feb 15, 2012)

firefite said:


> Policy.. :rofl:
> 
> Read his first post about the call and what medical direction advised.


wooooooow missed that post.... well, if the doc tells you to do that.......:rofl:


----------



## Mountain Res-Q (Feb 15, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> wooooooow missed that post.... well, if the doc tells you to do that.......:rofl:



That's why MDs make all the cash... forward thinking like "Have your partner turn the radio to something soft and slow..."


----------



## Lt.Col.Warren (Feb 17, 2012)

Dispatch: Unit 75, I need you priority 1 to _______ hospital.
Unit 75: Copy, can we get a reference?
Dispatch: ST elevation MI, not a STEMI.
Unit 75: 10-9, dispatch?
Dispatch: ST elevation MI, not a STEMI.
Unit 75: Uh... thanks dispatch..... So us continuing.


----------



## tacwear68 (Feb 24, 2012)

linuss said:


> "pt is severely dead"
> 
> 
> i kid you not.



haha!!


----------



## tacwear68 (Feb 24, 2012)

"Central Respiratory Arrest with difficulty breathing" 

Sometimes the obvious needs overstating<_<


----------



## tacwear68 (Feb 24, 2012)

fast65 said:


> "Medic 123 I show you en route to that traffic collision. Be advised, there's a bunch of people running around, unknown reason."
> 
> Sent from my mobile command center



Maybe they're in a hurry to exchange insurance info.


----------



## tacwear68 (Feb 24, 2012)

22cent said:


> Scene size up for a possible stucture fire:
> 
> Dispatch, you can show xxx on scene one story type V construction there is smoke showing from the B side of the building. It appears to be coming from the chimney on the roof. Break. Could we get a page for an engine response at this time?



You can't be too careful!:unsure:


----------



## tacwear68 (Feb 24, 2012)

Be aware that gravity may be an issue...:huh:


----------



## adamjh3 (Feb 24, 2012)

"four nine, I have you en route to a... Place... uhhhhhh, start for the 8 West, standby for further..."


----------



## WoodyPN (Feb 25, 2012)

Medic #@$, Engine #, Utility @ respond echo, @!@ Somedrive Trouble Breathing. 0233

I grab the rip n run...says pt is unconscious, inneffective breathing...heh ok.

We get there, guy is breathing *maybe* 3 times a minute. FD is checking hic glucose....

In my best sarcastic voice I ask if anyone wants to bag him... and of course I end up doing it myself. 

So we request our Captain for extra ALS hands...

Captain %$ respond echo, assidt medic $@! with the trouble breathing patient.

medic $#! to some county/Captain #@ be advised pt is completely unresponsive and barely breathing.


----------



## Farmer2DO (Feb 25, 2012)

Dispatch:  2319, what's your location?

2319:  I'm on the road that leads to the road.

Huh?!?


----------



## Canadian Travel Medic (Feb 25, 2012)

We have one dispatcher, nice lady but is just flustered when more than one call comes in. One day three calls came in at once and after a few mins she pipes up on the radio and says "will everyone quit talking i have no idea whats going on"....not what you wanna hear when your unit is on its way to a echo (code).

Also we have a very proud dispatcher than credits herself on her medical knowledge and we got dispatched by her for a stat transfer for an "infected wall MI", my partner...being the nice guy he is, decides to give her the chance to correct herself and says "10-4 base, thats an infected wall MI" and very proudly over the radio pipes up our lovely dispatcher "thats 10-4 a Infected Wall MI".

She got the last laugh though as she hit me with a golf cart at our company golf tourney a few weeks later haha.


----------



## Medic Tim (Feb 25, 2012)

From call ins I have heard
- pt denies diaphoresis 
-23 yo pt took 4 sprays of fathers nitro for s**ts and giggles.

Dispatch
-pt has a concussion to their knee.
- every once in a while we will get sent on a call where the actual call is in another province. New dispatchers are not used to this so they get pretty flustered and upset when we can't find the address.


----------



## tnoye1337 (Mar 11, 2012)

Well I was working at my volunteer agency and we were out getting food and heard the next town over needed mutual aid. We knew exactly where it was going to be and it was our aid so we rushed to the scene.

Dis - Volunteer agency to this street address for a patient who fell
Driver - On scene
Dis - Wait what? You're at street address?
Driver - Yes. Street address.
Dis - Uhh okaaaay

We had actually gotten there before the paramedic and he was humored. Said, damn volunteer agency always getting to calls before they're dispatched.


----------



## TreySpooner65 (Mar 11, 2012)

"Medic Engine XX, Medic XX. Unconscious person at XXXX Cemetery."


----------



## Amberlamps916 (Mar 11, 2012)

"Patient has rectal discomfort"


----------



## SoCal911 (Mar 11, 2012)

"23 respond into 22's for a green bowel movement"

"23 transporting code 3 ALS to (crappy little hospital that nobody ever goes to unless it's dire)


----------



## Steveb (Mar 11, 2012)

Farmer2DO said:


> Dispatch:  2319, what's your location?
> 
> 2319:  I'm on the road that leads to the road.
> 
> Huh?!?



I hear that all the :rofl:


----------



## Handsome Robb (Mar 11, 2012)

"Priority 1 for a cardiac arrest, wait priority 2"

Sounds stupid if you don't work in our system and we get students that question it all the time. Priority 2 means the caller answered a question to indicate an obvious death. Still a Code 3 response but technically you can be diverted to a priority 1 call.


----------



## fast65 (Mar 12, 2012)

Heard this when my supervisor was doing a transfer back to the nursing home the other morning at 0200.

"Dispatch, medic xxx"

"Medic xxx, go ahead."

"We're off like a herd of turtles, starting mileage is 0.0"


----------



## EFDUnit823 (Mar 12, 2012)

A firefighter activated two fire departments to respond to a possible structure fire, after getting home to a house full of smoke.

His last words over the airwaves;

*Firefighter*-“Firebase, XXXX”

*Firebase*-“Go ahead XXXX”

*Firefighter*-“Disregard all responding units, it was just my damn wife’s cooking!”


----------



## MrandaPechon (Mar 12, 2012)

I am from California and over the summer I was in West Virginia so I decided to see what a shift was like there. I took 16 calls with in 12 hours that day it was wild. What was even more wild was a call I heard over my radio while filling up the engine at a gas stop. . .

*Unit:* "Unit ___ to ______ Hospital"

*Receiving Hospital: *"Go ahead." (Male Voice)

*Unit:* "___y/old male, obvious trauma to right foot. Pt suffering from-"

*Hospital:* ---White Noise-----

*Unit:* "Unit ____ to ______ Hospital?"

*Hospital: * (FEMALE VOICE) "Hey Unit ____ . . . His insurance doesn't cover this company, and we are full up take him to ______ Hospital, it is closer and more equipped."

*Unit:* "Uhh, 10-4"


I inquired about the unusual call when I got back to the station. Apparently the woman who had interrupted the call was the man's wife. She was the on call RN at the receiving hospital.
 The story was she was leaving him and her husband (the patient) decided it was a good idea ( after a few to many) to take his shot gun and shoot his foot off. This way she would have to help him and nurse him back to health thus falling back in love with him, and she wouldn't have that.

I do not know which hospital he went to, but I did see the picture of his foot, it was amazing. He had managed a clean slice and the doctor was dumbfounded that he managed to miss the big toe.


----------



## Pabbage (Mar 18, 2012)

We were called to a man chain smoking ... Turned out they were Cheyne stoking


----------



## Anjel (Mar 18, 2012)

Pabbage said:


> We were called to a man chain smoking ... Turned out they were Cheyne stoking



Ha... That made me giggle


----------



## Cup of Joe (Mar 18, 2012)

tnoye1337 said:


> Well I was working at my volunteer agency and we were out getting food and heard the next town over needed mutual aid. We knew exactly where it was going to be and it was our aid so we rushed to the scene.
> 
> Dis - Volunteer agency to this street address for a patient who fell
> Driver - On scene
> ...



Hahaha.  Some of our calls will come over first on the Police department frequency first and at the end of the police dispatch the dispatcher will say something like "fire department being notified for the ambulance."  It takes a good five minutes between that and when we actually get dispatched over the fire dispatch frequency.  We're sometimes pulling up to scene just as they dispatch us.


----------



## Handsome Robb (Mar 18, 2012)

"Dispatch, medic xxx we are ready and eager to save lives, transport the sick and injured and make a genuine difference"

Unit was going available from the hosptial. We were all standing around in the ambulance bay. Needless to say the crew from a rural FD who was cleaning their rig couldn't understand why we were all howling while the dispatcher choked back tears of laughter while he tried to copy the traffic.


----------



## tnoye1337 (Mar 18, 2012)

Cup of Joe said:


> Hahaha.  Some of our calls will come over first on the Police department frequency first and at the end of the police dispatch the dispatcher will say something like "fire department being notified for the ambulance."  It takes a good five minutes between that and when we actually get dispatched over the fire dispatch frequency.  We're sometimes pulling up to scene just as they dispatch us.



It was great though because we were waiting at the scene for a good minute before we were dispatched and just sat in the bus for the tones.


----------



## Handsome Robb (Mar 18, 2012)

tnoye1337 said:


> It was great though because we were waiting at the scene for a good minute before we were dispatched and just sat in the bus for the tones.



Why sit around and wait? You're already there go poke your head in and find out what's going on. Then maybe you can cancel the fire engine before they all get up and dressed and out of the station...


----------



## Meursault (Mar 18, 2012)

*Dispatch:* Ambulance 14, it's going to be to (rehab hospital) on the third floor, going to (Level II) for... ruling out an aortic dissection. I can't believe I'm saying this, but staff states patient is stable, Priority 3.


----------



## tnoye1337 (Mar 19, 2012)

NVRob said:


> Why sit around and wait? You're already there go poke your head in and find out what's going on. Then maybe you can cancel the fire engine before they all get up and dressed and out of the station...



They don't dispatch the fire engines in my town unless it has something to do with vehicles or fire. It was just an elderly lady who had taken a fall.


----------



## Fastfood (Mar 19, 2012)

They should write a book about dispatchers and the stupid things they say, I'd read it!


----------



## Angel21228 (Mar 21, 2012)

*Were Home*

I belong to a Fire Department, and my   The one Fire Department that I belong to, my boyfriend also belongs to!  Excpet we don't take alot of calls together, which might be good lol. But anyways we were almost back to the station after taking 3 calls in a row. Both of us tired and he grabbed the radio and said: 

Us- "395 this is ________ 8A" 

Dispatcher- Go ahead ___________ 8A

Us- "Yea were home!"


----------



## fast65 (Mar 21, 2012)

"Fire unit, you're en route to XYZ street. I still don't have an addresses, but it's the one on fire."

"Unit on fire with the hole in your pocket that's whistling, you have an open mic"


----------



## Cup of Joe (Mar 22, 2012)

"Ambulance 1, Fly Car 1"
"Go ahead, Fly Car 1"
"Ambulance 1, would you care to join us for drinks at 7-11?"
"10-4, we'll be there in 5 minutes."


----------



## Mad Max (Mar 28, 2012)

As the new guy, this joke is still new to me, but whenever the dispatcher says, "Patient requests entry through rear entrance," I can't help but laugh.  I know, I'm juvenile and immature, but isn't that a requirement for being an EMT? ::ducks thrown objects::


----------



## bearmedic (Mar 28, 2012)

After 10p our dispatch calls the stations on public service to reduce radio traffic. One night after a long day dispatch calls, medic 35 what's your location. We said nothing.


----------



## adamjh3 (Mar 28, 2012)

bearmedic said:


> After 10p our dispatch calls the stations on public service to reduce radio traffic. One night after a long day dispatch calls, medic 35 what's your location. We said nothing.



Why not?


----------



## bearmedic (Mar 28, 2012)

They called via land line to the station. Why would we. Turned out to be a post move anyway


----------



## adamjh3 (Mar 28, 2012)

bearmedic said:


> They called via land line to the station. Why would we. Turned out to be a post move anyway



Ah, that makes sense, didn't see where you said it was a land line.


----------



## adamjh3 (Mar 29, 2012)

After a crew was left posted about an hour longer than they should have been
"Dispatch, 45"
"45, go ahead"
"45, we beg your leave to 10-17 (return to quarters) m'lords"
"Yeeeeah, 4-5 go ahead and 10-17"
"Show us in route, as it please you m'lords"


----------



## Tetrahedron (Apr 6, 2012)

So and so department a bambulance is requested at xyz adress!


----------



## Steveb (May 2, 2012)

D: MEdic 932 Respond to a collapsed rectum patient says see.......can see her rectum 
Medic: Medic 932 responding (in the backround you hear F*** my Life)


----------



## al.emt (May 29, 2012)

had a crew respond to a 10-50 the other day and on the way me and my partner are sitting in our lounge and over the dispatch radio you hear for the chopper to be called and all of the sudden you hear "get out of my way you f**ktards!"... i about peed my pants laughing so hard


----------



## Handsome Robb (May 29, 2012)

tnoye1337 said:


> They don't dispatch the fire engines in my town unless it has something to do with vehicles or fire. It was just an elderly lady who had taken a fall.



I still don't understand why you sat in the rig in front of the address while waiting for tones for a 911 call...

Advise comms you're on scene, turn your portable on and go inside. You don't need them to drop tones, you're already on scene.


----------



## emtkopan (May 29, 2012)

"Medic 25, respond to XYZ address on a F passed out. Caller states she passed out after anal sex."


----------



## rmabrey (May 30, 2012)

NVRob said:


> "Priority 1 for a cardiac arrest, wait priority 2"
> 
> Sounds stupid if you don't work in our system and we get students that question it all the time. Priority 2 means the caller answered a question to indicate an obvious death. Still a Code 3 response but technically you can be diverted to a priority 1 call.



Understand that all to well. Usually the answer to the "when was the last time someone saw him/her" question is over 24 hours.


----------



## Amberlamps916 (May 30, 2012)

emtkopan said:


> "Medic 25, respond to XYZ address on a F passed out. Caller states she passed out after anal sex."



My computer screen is covered in coffee now thanks to this....


----------



## EMSDude54343 (May 31, 2012)

Addrobo87 said:


> My computer screen is covered in coffee now thanks to this....



+1 :rofl:


----------



## saskvolunteer (May 31, 2012)

"Responding for a male, hearing voices." 

"10-4, if he's hearing Elvis, we'd like PD."

"Negative. Not Elvis, voices."


----------



## unclewalter87 (Jun 12, 2012)

We'd just cleared from a standby for a drug raid and were headed back to station.

FD: "***** County 5, your headlights are off."
Med Unit: "Copy. Thank you, Truck 5."
Partner (off air): "Tell 'em we're incognito."


----------



## mm505 (Jun 12, 2012)

We had a call for a "testicular contusion".  I cringed on that one!


----------



## EMDispatch (Jun 14, 2012)

"Unit x, respond to the area of Rt. 50 and X for a half-dead deer... You're responding for the other half (Everyone laughing in the background)."


----------



## Rroyst37 (Jun 15, 2012)

Dispatch: "Unit ## call for an ems alarm. 1234 street dr. Caller states isolation precautions required."

...Halfway to the location. 

Dispatch: "unit ##. Updated information. Patient isolation is pink eye"

On scene the patpatient's c/c was... "I couldn't put in my eye drops without blinking!!"


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Jun 15, 2012)

Dispatch: "Medic 104 respond code 3 to the public library for an assult where the patient was hit in the face...... Be advised the suspect has left the scene."

Medic 104: "Medic 104 copy, so us enroute."

Unknown unit: "IN THE FACEEE."


----------



## Bullets (Jun 18, 2012)

Ambulance (ME): HQ, were ready to go, status on ALS
Dispatch: You have medic 10 assigned from North Town, but they havent checked in
A: Recieved, you can cancel Medic 10, we are going to to South Trauma, can you try Central ALS or Trauma ALS for the intercept

D: Standby...A, you wont be able to get ALS from Trauma, wait for Medic 10

A: Negative D, we need to go, taking Route to Highway, advise if you get a Trauma

D: A...STANDBY FOR MEDIC 10, THE HOSPITAL YOU ARE GOING TO HAS NO ALS AVAILABLE

A: I understand D, but the patient requires a Trauma Center, so i am going there eaither way, is no other ALS available Central?

D: MEDIC 10 IS RESPONDING

A: Received, confirm no ALS available in County, advise Trauma 15min ETA with a head injury

D: Call D when you clear Trauma

A: Yeeeeeah, if you have an issue, you can call the chief

Meanwhile, Trauma ALS was listening: A, do you need a hand?...


----------



## rmabrey (Jun 24, 2012)

Dispatch: Medic A city run 123 XYZ street (gay bar) condition 12, priority 1.........caller request you come to the rear entrance

Medic A: (laughter in back ground)..............do we have too?


----------



## wyomingearth (Jun 24, 2012)

*Description is everything*

County, 340... 1234 Anystreet Ave... 62 y/o male for a gravity incident involving a tree.


----------



## OzAmbo (Jun 24, 2012)

"Your going to an air ambulance transfer, picking up from hospital X, going to Airport Y for an ETA of 1430. Pt requires monitor, IV, oxygen and is on a doberman infusion"


----------



## kcf399 (Jul 2, 2012)

*Engine 1 :* "Fire Alarm Fire Alarm Ecto 1 back in quarters"
*Fire Alarm :* "Okaaaaaayyy @ 20:32 "


----------



## emtkopan (Jul 4, 2012)

Dispatch: Medic 9 (a downtown unit) post in 19’s (a mile from Medic 9's zone) zone. 

Medic 9: ok. 

Dispatch: Medic 19 just got in service but can you stay near there until they get back to zone. 

Medic 9: You mean downtown?

Dispatch: Yes. 

Medic 9: Ok. Posting in our zone.


----------



## EMDispatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Received a call from a SNF in our county, do a full EMD interrogation, and get an additional extensive medical history. I provide the initial dispatch to EMS (Age, Gender, CC, Hx, and location),etc....

2 Minutes later on LE Dispatch (After LEO heard our dispatch):
LEO: "Enroute to ---- , to assist and find out more information"
(LEO Arrives)
LEO: " Advise EMS the patient is --y/o, male"
LEO: "History of ----, Complaining of ----"
LEO: "Advise EMS he is located ------"
Disp: "10-4 (irritated)"
(2 minutes later, & after the medic marked on scene)
LEO: "Advise FD Dispatch Medic XYZ on scene."
Disp: "Yea, We're aware (doing a really good job to not curse)

Outside of making an *** out of himself, we were thrilled to feel like no one trusts what we do behind the radio and phones...


----------



## bahnrokt (Jul 18, 2012)

Dispatch: Standby Dburg Ambulance. >tones< 
Dispatch: Fire control to all Dburg Ambulance monitors  respond to Dburg HS 191 Main st for an activated fire alarm. FC off and clear at 00:45.
Me: A930 to FC. Did you mean to tone out Dburg fire?
Dispatch: Standby Dburg fire....


----------



## paramedicjon (Jul 21, 2012)

*once*

I once had a partner get on the 400 and say medic 54 going code 3 to hospital and is currently lost....  that was a :censored::censored::censored::censored: storm


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Jul 21, 2012)

bahnrokt said:


> Dispatch: Standby Dburg Ambulance. >tones<
> Dispatch: Fire control to all Dburg Ambulance monitors  respond to Dburg HS 191 Main st for an activated fire alarm. FC off and clear at 00:45.
> Me: A930 to FC. Did you mean to tone out Dburg fire?
> Dispatch: Standby Dburg fire....



Haha gotta make sure the ambulance is on scene, someone could fall down the stairs evacuating the building...


----------



## bahnrokt (Jul 21, 2012)

Report to ER staff while enroute:

Me:__ Ambulance to Hospital
ER: Hospital, come in ambulance
Me: We inbound with a 23yo male, possible OD.  Pt complaining of purple Jelly fish with top hats, vitals are ____...
PT screaming over Mic: IM CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
Me: Body temp is 104.3, we are about 5 mikutes out, PT is combative but restrained please have security meet us at the door. Do you require anything further.

For the record he didnt reach climax, nore did I do anything to encourage it.


----------



## chillybreeze (Jul 21, 2012)

LOL  thats hilarious!!  :rofl:


----------



## Bullets (Jul 25, 2012)

Squad 3 to Squad 4

Go to Squad 2

Squad 3 to Squad 4

Go to squad 2

Squad 3 to squad 2, im not talking to you, be quiet


----------



## Martyn (Jul 25, 2012)

OzAmbo said:


> "Your going to an air ambulance transfer, picking up from hospital X, going to Airport Y for an ETA of 1430. Pt requires monitor, IV, oxygen and is on a doberman infusion"


 

They must be barking mad...


----------



## MexDefender (Aug 11, 2012)

(for the purposes I'll name them fire 1 and 2) 

Fire 1 this is Fire 2 approaching the first controlled fire what exactly do you want us to do? 

Fire 1: move on passed fire and head to the third controlled burn we got two under control but three is looking bad. 

Fire 2: Understood proceeding to third fire

after 10 minutes... 

Fire 2: umm three isn't spreading and the farmer has it under control

Fire 1: ahh... go back to first fire 

this proceeded for a good 20 or so minutes, they are very rural and volunteers so it provided much needed entertainment on a no call day.


----------



## SubiEmt (Aug 11, 2012)

I was on a ride out and the fire crew was clowning about the last call dropping f bombs and talking about how hot the patients daughter was...about 5 min. In back to the station dispatch gets on the radio and says "truck 1 standbye for an open mic." LOL the looks on their faces


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Aug 12, 2012)

In my area (pretty much all of California) we don't get tornados. 

Dispatch: "Medic 502 respond code 3 to hewett street for a kid stuck in a tornado"

Medic: "uhhhh confirming a tornado?" 

Dispatch: "that's affirm. Uhhhh I'm gonna call fire and see what's up because that doesn't sound right."

Medic: "copy. Uhhh do we stage for tornados."


----------



## NJEMT95 (Aug 20, 2012)

*What's Smoking?*

Dispatch: Respond to residence for a hazardous condition. The caller states his dog peed in the electrical outlet and it is smoking.

Engine: Responding. What's smoking? The dog or the outlet?

Fire Chief: Dispatch, please repeat the call.

Dispatch: Respond to residence for a hazardous condition. The caller states his dog *PEED* in the electrical outlet and it is *SMOKING*.

Chief: Received. [giggling like a schoolgirl in the background]


----------



## CANDawg (Aug 20, 2012)

Heard while monitoring the radio traffic a few months back:

Medic: NCC, Medic 32, arrived QE2 (_the hospital_), milage 4.8.
NCC Dispatch: Medic 32, confirmed, milage four point eight.
Medic: Negative NCC, milage four DECIMAL eight.
NCC Dispatch: 10-4 Medic 32, Confirmed! Four point eight!
Medic: NCC, once again it is FOUR *pause* DECIMAL *pause* EIGHT!
NCC Dispatch: *Audible sigh* Four decimal eight. That's what I've been saying.
Medic: Oh. *awkward silence* Um, sorry. My bad.
NCC Dispatch: No worries medic 32.

(The medic thought she kept saying 408, which is one hell of a transport. :blink


----------



## SubiEmt (Aug 26, 2012)

Bullets said:


> Ambulance (ME): HQ, were ready to go, status on ALS
> Dispatch: You have medic 10 assigned from North Town, but they havent checked in
> A: Recieved, you can cancel Medic 10, we are going to to South Trauma, can you try Central ALS or Trauma ALS for the intercept
> 
> ...


Yea!


----------



## we talking bout practice (Aug 29, 2012)

Unit was dispatched to a deer vs car (very common in New Brunswick) and while we were moving to cover them, they cancelled themselves off the call with this statement. "Medic Center there will be no patients transported. Everyone is fine and the deer had a D.N.R".


----------



## JDub (Sep 3, 2012)

"Unit 718, I need you enroute P3 to St. SoAndSo's Nursing on an inter-facility transport. Patient's chief complaint is going to be being uncomfortable due to weight gain."

What did they think the ER was gonna do? An emergency liposuction?


----------



## ChicKiddo (Sep 5, 2012)

*At the ski resort...*

"ATTENTION ALL UNITS I HEAR LIGHTENING ON BALD MOUNTAIN!" 

"REPEAT! I HEAR LIGHTENING ON BALD MOUNTAIN"

Pause..... Response:

"Copy, thunder has been heard on Bald Mtn."


----------



## Nicole (Sep 6, 2012)

Silverstone said:


> Another funny thing was an old dispatcher of ours was dispatching out a unit to F AVE, and on the radio he described it as "F as in Pharmacy...." holy hell.....



That's just sad...  and a potentially a dangerous mistake!


----------



## Backwoods (Sep 16, 2012)

My partner a few days ago:
Us- Dispatch THE squad x is in service
Dispatch- That's clear THE squad x

From the same guy a few months ago:
Us- Dispatch squad x is en route to mercy starting mileage of woooooooo.........9.8
Dispatch- To mercy, 9.8 (Laughter in the background)


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Sep 17, 2012)

A new dispatcher stumbled badly trying to pronounce a street name and after asking for the spelling we hear:  "Uh, first letter is G as in 'green', second is U as in, uh, 'Utah', third is I as in, um... 'Ice cream', fourth is... wait, one-two-three-four, yeah the fourth letter is D as in... _mumbles 'Dammit'_ uh... Standby..."  

After a minute he keys up again and we hear laughter in the background.  "Medic 14, can you please call dispatch to get a better spelling??"


----------



## socoemt (Sep 23, 2012)

I had just gotten into the van for an IFT shift and didn't catch the whole conversation but as soon as my radio kicked on this is what I heard:

Dispatch: Unit 1, I didn't hear you, did you say you were transporting?
Unit 1: Negative, I said the patient does not exist.
Dispatch: (keys radio then awkward silence)... Copy... just hang out for a minute.

:rofl:


----------



## rwik123 (Sep 23, 2012)

Just heard "call me maybe" playing over the hospital frequency.


----------



## Asclepius911 (Sep 23, 2012)

What time for pick up time?


----------



## sirengirl (Sep 23, 2012)

Was driving from a call to another, and my partner yesterday randomly reached, picked up the radio, engaged it, took a deep breath, and then-

"Meowwwww....."

And put it back without a word.


----------



## SDog (Sep 25, 2012)

Command: engine xx make sure your using foam for your squirt
Engine XX: engine xx squirtin foam.


----------



## johnrsemt (Sep 26, 2012)

Never Meow'd on the radio   but I have mooo'd on the radio talking to dispatch.


----------



## dcemr7 (Oct 1, 2012)

A paramedic friend of mine was transporting a patient code 3 to the hospital one day and she got rather flustered with the traffic so she grabbed the "PA" mic and yelled "What do you think this is a m----- f------ ice cream truck?!?!" The only problem is that she grabbed the radio mic instead and broadcast that on a channel that every ambulance in the county was on and also the Emergency Services chiefs. She didn't get in trouble but she still hears about that one.


----------



## Shepard (Oct 1, 2012)

Sounds like she needs to take a vacation...


----------



## Tigger (Oct 1, 2012)

Probably better she grabbed the radio than the loud hailer...


----------



## Medic Tim (Oct 1, 2012)

dcemr7 said:


> A paramedic friend of mine was transporting a patient code 3 to the hospital one day and she got rather flustered with the traffic so she grabbed the "PA" mic and yelled "What do you think this is a m----- f------ ice cream truck?!?!" The only problem is that she grabbed the radio mic instead and broadcast that on a channel that every ambulance in the county was on and also the Emergency Services chiefs. She didn't get in trouble but she still hears about that one.





Shepard said:


> Sounds like she needs to take a vacation...



Sounds like she has no business driving code.


----------



## Meursault (Oct 1, 2012)

Sounds like normal behavior in Boston. Though I confine my screaming to inside the cab. Usually.


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 2, 2012)

I got on the PA one night and told a car in front of me to move out of my way before I got out and beat his car with a Baseball bat.   My partner asked me if I realized it was a deputy sheriff car.
   I responded Yes I know, and he shouldnt be allowed to drive:  all of it was on PA.    

   Dispatch called 30 minutes later trying to find out why a deputy was on the phone wanting to talk to us, and wanting to apologize to us.


----------



## Cup of Joe (Oct 2, 2012)

On a really quiet night, probably a little before midnight, I just someone make a weird sound effects (not really sure how to describe it).  Partner and I look over at the radio and just hear someone scream "IS ANYONE OUT THERE!" over the channel.  We looked at each other and lol'd.


----------



## xrsm002 (Oct 2, 2012)

WarDance said:


> His parents obviously never got him Hooked On Phonics!



Isn't it "hooked on fonix" (misspelled intentionally)


----------



## tennisaceflink (Oct 5, 2012)

the other day i heard the police get dispatched to "a turtle and a raccoon fighting in the middle of the road" my tax dollars at work lol  

ive also been paged out to "some sort of medical emergency"  well duh! hence why the called the ambulance!


----------



## andyman0291 (Oct 6, 2012)

funny. lol


----------



## jamesbond05 (Oct 11, 2012)

tennisaceflink said:


> the other day i heard the police get dispatched to "a turtle and a raccoon fighting in the middle of the road" my tax dollars at work lol
> 
> ive also been paged out to "some sort of medical emergency"  well duh! hence why the called the ambulance!



loll


----------



## sleepless near seattle (Oct 12, 2012)

I'd be shocked if no one else has been told " enter in the back door".


----------



## sleepless near seattle (Oct 12, 2012)

EMT424 said:


> Here we get stuff like: " respond to _____. Patient non responsive, but breathing". I laugh every time because I have this image in my mind of someone breathing through their nether orifice. It is the eternal 11 year old in me I guess.



I've seen T shirts at a few different Fire/EMS events with big, bold lettering on back "Unconscious Butt Breathing"


----------



## sirengirl (Oct 14, 2012)

sleepless near seattle said:


> I'd be shocked if no one else has been told " enter in the back door".



When I was precepting at school, my medic gleefully told me of the radio shenanigans he managed to pul over on dispatch one day.

Dispatch: "Rescue 1 respond for a non-syncopal fall at 123 nursing home lane. Staff advises rescue to enter from the rear."
Medic: "Rescue 1 copies, entering from the rear!!"
Dispatch: (laughter in background) "Ten.... tenfour!"


----------



## TransportJockey (Oct 14, 2012)

We play the meow game on the internal service radio net a lot... And sometimes include dispatch in on the fun... 
"3801 clearing scene with two refusals right meow"


----------



## NomadicMedic (Oct 14, 2012)

Just the other day I was dispatched to seizures in a church meeting hall. The dispatcher said, "use the back door"

I responded, "medic 101 copied. Church hall for seizures, gonna enter from the rear."

I thought my partner was going to die.


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Oct 14, 2012)

I work in a well known city for its gay parades and gay/lesbian communities. 

It's common practice to advise dispatch that we are going to be entering from the rear or the back door.


----------



## emsred23 (Oct 25, 2012)

EMS already on scene of cpr in progress....

Supervisor: Als unit can you advise your location?

Unit: THE HOUSE WITH AN AMBULANCE OUT SIDE AND 2 MORONS DOING CPR!!!

Supervisor:........uh.... check.


----------



## med109 (Nov 9, 2012)

Heard a dispatcher request an officer to ___ location for a cow in the roadway.

Officer responds "can you please describe the cow"

Dispatcher silent for a couple seconds, then responds "it is big and brown, and says moo"


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Nov 9, 2012)

Recently heard a rural fire dept near where I work get dispatched to assist law enforcement in removing an injured horse from the roadway.  Dispatch asked for a status update a little while later...  Shouting to be heard over the chainsaw in the background the chief yelled, "The removal is proceeding slowly but surely!"  

Well done chief, you had us all rolling.


----------



## Ace 227 (Nov 12, 2012)

This happened today at my fire dept.  We had a vehicle fire and one of our officers arrived before the engine and established command. While approaching the scene, the officer on the engine called command and asked how far down the winding, back country road he was.  He stated he was "about a mile, just past the burning car". lol


----------



## d0nk3yk0n9 (Nov 13, 2012)

"xxxx to xxx, the alarm is from burned popcorn in the break room. You guys can cancel, I'll be resetting the alarm."
"xxx copies burned popcorn. Engine X, Engine Y, Ladder Z, you are clear to return to quarters. xxxx, let me know when you've got it reset."

xxxx was an on-scene campus "fire" unit, xxx is the duty chief of the incoming department.


----------



## mediKate (Nov 18, 2012)

"Dispatch, this is Smalltown xxx, can you get fire dispatched to our location as well, please?  There is a dead deer on the road."
"10-4 Smalltown xxx, fire has been dispatched.  Just need to confirm; is the deer obstructing traffic? And is there any debris on the road?"
"10-4 to both, dispatch!"
"Aaaaannnnddd...  Smalltown 1A2, just had to ask ... is the deer dead because of YOU?"  
"Nope!  He was dead before I hit him!"
" ... "


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Nov 19, 2012)

Always fun to prank a partner...  

We got canceled on a MVA, so I advised the hospital over the radio that we were returning.  Then, after I took my finger of the transmit-button, I pretended to keep talking into the mike as I sang a few bars of "Time in a Bottle".  My partner starts cracking up, thinking that I'm actually crooning to a nurse on the radio, and then snatches the mike out of my hand, hits the button and sings a few more bars!


----------



## pryor317 (Nov 22, 2012)

*you guys have it easy with dispatch!*

Here are a couple things that I have heard from our dispatch just in the last few days. We are dispatched by a local volly fire dispatch and just now started being dispatched by are counties 911 center on top of the other. 

(Dispatch) EMS go 10-8 to 1111 st. report of a man lying in a field. RP states he is blue and has flies all over him.:huh: (also 10-8 isnt even right).

We had a kid jump off a bluff inside a campground when it was closed. We couldn't get through several locked gates and requested fire to respond for assistance. Dispatch: "I don't know why you need them, the kid was probably just skipping school anyways" (over the radio). The kid was DOA. 

And last but not least our dispatch hardly ever gets addresses. 
"EMS go 10-8(not right again) to maple grove rd. caller states to turn right by the tree with the horse underneath it". By the time we got there the horse was gone and we are in the mark twain national forest surrounded by thousands of trees. We didn't know where to go and the pt had a severe stroke. We spent 3/4 of the golden hour looking for the residence because dispatch didn't get a call back number or anything else. 

So next time when you think you have it bad.......


----------



## Earthworm Jim (Nov 28, 2012)

firefite said:


> In my area (pretty much all of California) we don't get tornados.
> 
> Dispatch: "Medic 502 respond code 3 to hewett street for a kid stuck in a tornado"
> 
> ...



Hilarious, made me laugh out loud


----------



## Glider (Dec 1, 2012)

Head this just the other night.

G-50 is my fire company ambulance. 

G-50: G-50 to ____ Comm.
*15 seconds*
G-50: This is G-50 to ____ Comm.
*30 seconds*
G-50: G-50 to Comm.
*30 seconds*
Comm: Sorry about that (yawning) G-50, i was on the uhhh... phone? Go head G-50


----------



## RichLew (Dec 5, 2012)

Oh no, I just know something I said as a student while giving radio reports is somewhere on this thread hahaha


----------



## Handsome Robb (Dec 5, 2012)

d0nk3yk0n9 said:


> "xxxx to xxx, the alarm is from burned popcorn in the break room. You guys can cancel, I'll be resetting the alarm."
> "xxx copies burned popcorn. Engine X, Engine Y, Ladder Z, you are clear to return to quarters. xxxx, let me know when you've got it reset."
> 
> xxxx was an on-scene campus "fire" unit, xxx is the duty chief of the incoming department.



I'm missing how this is the dumbest thing you've heard on the radio?


----------



## d0nk3yk0n9 (Dec 6, 2012)

NVRob said:


> I'm missing how this is the dumbest thing you've heard on the radio?



It wasn't so much dumb on their part as it was mildly entertaining to hear come over the radio.


----------



## Tri Cert Lad (Dec 21, 2012)

*Committed*

Years ago, as a full time EMS Dispatcher and a part time EMT, I would often be asked to work OT as an EMT at the end of my Dispatch shift, all for the same Department, in case somebody called in sick and they needed a warm body to fill a unit.

So I often worked both sides of the fence, and had friends on both sides, not to mention knowing the Nurses and Doctor's real well, but this happened in Dispatch one quiet, sleepy afternoon:



*ALS XXX: ALS XXX? (Rookie, known to be very talkative, calling me)

DISPATCH: Go ahead ALS XXX.

ALS XXX: Can you tell me if ALS YYY is committed? (Emphasis on "committed")

(Pregnant Pause by me)

DISPATCH: "No he's not, but he ought to be!!! (Medic on YYY was a friend of mine.)"

Long Silence on the Air by Both of Us

ALS XXX: subdued 10-4 (For the first time, he's at a loss for words and his partner can be heard dying with laughter in the background.)

(ALS YYY is on the air also and heard everything and minutes into a call of their own, I can still hear laughter in their voices too.)
*


Later on, the Partner of the Rookie related to me that the look on his face was priceless and that was mainly why he was laughing (not to mention my remark also).


----------



## girlonfire (Jan 1, 2013)

*Interesting alarm*

When I was a dispatcher, one of my team mates dispatched an alarm to Ostrow Textiles.  It went like this.

D4 respond to 10-85 (alarm) at Ostrow Testicles.  I don't know how she managed to correct herself before laughing her head off.


----------



## DaDaEMT (Jan 24, 2013)

Got dispatched to an "expired person" upon response, dispatch asked if they should call the coroner.


----------



## Vladamir von bone (Feb 8, 2013)

Discharge from a hospital to a SNF i had a hard time getting to dispatch almost made it a discharge from hospital to cemetery 

Dispatch: 123 what's your location?
123: 23 is at  main and 1st st having a hard time locating drop off
Dispatch: Go straight on main until you reach Sherman then take a right and drop off should be past the black gates in front of you staff and family are rite there waiting on you 
Me: copy that  *proceeds to do so*
123: 23 to dispatch uh you gave us the wrong directions 
Dispatch: come again no I didn't 
Me: we made a right on Sherman like you said we pulled into a cemetery PT. informed us he doesn't  need to be brought here just yet he still has some mileage left
Dispatch: :blink: sorry guys it was a left on Sherman


----------



## Trauma's Mistress (Feb 8, 2013)

*College  Try*

Listening to the  radio right now 

 Dispatch   ---  Medic 44.  No name Campus,  an unconscious person at student center in the bathroom.  

Medic 44  ---   Copy that en route. * a few mins later - they were close by *     Dispatch  this is Medic 44  on location ... we are going to go ahead and give it the college try  ...   

 LMAO


----------



## xrsm002 (Feb 10, 2013)

Heard on the radio the other day medic calling in patient report going code three said "we are coming in with the woo woos on".


----------



## Eddie2170 (Feb 10, 2013)

We had a call a few years ago on fire:

...fire department respond to an aminal, an am am aminal, AN AN-IM-AL rescue...

needless to say we could not stop laughing from the page

luckily the dog was fine, just stuck


----------



## emtAsh (Mar 4, 2013)

A while back the local EMS had a call to a young boy who had his "stuff" zipped in his pants. EMS got on the radio and told dispatch they were in route to a FRANK AND BEANS call... EMS cleared the ER and the next call they had was a lady with a roach in her ear same neighborhood.


----------



## emtAsh (Mar 4, 2013)

Also I called on the radio to have a Police Unit en route to my location in reference to unruly juveniles. I referenced the house as the one with the COW mailbox. Dispatch then told PD that it was the house with a cow tied to the tree... WOW!


----------



## Haley124 (Mar 9, 2013)

DIspatch: "Medic ____,Dispatched to a down and out at _______________..........No, scratch that. the victim got up and walked away.....wait...man down again.....Im not sure caller knows whats going on. Just go check it out"


----------



## bahnrokt (Mar 11, 2013)

935: 935 to Fire control
FC: 935
935: 935 is back in town, back in service.
FC: 935
935: 935 is back in town, back in service.
FC: 935
935: 935 is back in town, back in service.
FC: THANK YOU 935. THE TIME IS NINE THIRTY FIVE AM.


----------



## traumaluv2011 (Mar 27, 2013)

bahnrokt said:


> 935: 935 to Fire control
> FC: 935
> 935: 935 is back in town, back in service.
> FC: 935
> ...



That guy needs a cup of coffee...


----------



## Meursault (Apr 22, 2013)

*BLS crew:* A-16, we're clear, Boston ALS showed up and they have... patient triaged to ALS. 
*Dispatch:* A-16, I have you clear, you did all the work, Boston ALS has the patient. Typical.
*BLS crew:* *two people laughing uncontrollably, Boston's radio traffic in the background*
*Dispatch:* Did they at least say thank you?


----------



## mcdonl (Apr 22, 2013)

RESCUE 1: R1 to Hospital, we are en-route.... with a 40 year old male who has "choked on his chicken"

Hospital: <stiffled laughter> Rescue 1, could you repeat that please <less than stiffled laughter>

Rescue 1: "He choked on his chicken"

<add a redicoulous Down East Maine accent to this for more of a feel.....>


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Apr 23, 2013)

After giving a radio report about an assault victim...

Hospital:  Did they deserve it?


----------



## jpregulman (Apr 24, 2013)

Ha all the time!

We are on the same band as the police:

They have been dispatched to a "mustard alarm" at a restaurant

Sometimes the supervisor and dispatch will have a radio argument which is quite entertaining

My favorite was they were dispatched to a "person thrown out of a car" then it was a "gun thrown out of a car" then they got on scene and someone had thrown some trash out the window, LOL! :rofl:


----------



## Tigger (Apr 24, 2013)

Med 13 to XYZ FD: We'll be responding with you, about a 3 out.
XYZ FD Chief: You guys can go ahead and cancel.
Med 13: We're close enough, we'll come in anyway.
XYZ Chief: Ya I don't know why she called this time, he usually beats the $hit out of her way worse.

Wait what?


----------



## MTEMTB (Apr 24, 2013)

Heard this one one night.

Dispatch: 19-8 respond to an ill 21 yo male at XXX. (This place is 40 miles out half paved road and the rest bumpy gravel.)
19-8: Responding with 2 on board.
19-8: Dispatch what is the nature of this call?
Dispatch: (Sheepish voice) PT is complaining of an upset stomach and is suffering from uncontrollable diaheria and projectile vomiting.
Long pause.

19-8: (Terse voice) Copy that dispatch.


----------



## Handsome Robb (Apr 25, 2013)

MTEMTB said:


> Heard this one one night.
> 
> Dispatch: 19-8 respond to an ill 21 yo male at XXX. (This place is 40 miles out half paved road and the rest bumpy gravel.)
> 19-8: Responding with 2 on board.
> ...



Sounds like a pretty standard 911 call.

"Medic 38 you're going priority three for a fall that happened two weeks ago." 

I hailed dispatch the other morning to sign in and she answered with "welcome to the jungle"... I thought about responding with "we've got fun and games" but I decided to not smile the fire that early in my shift.

Later that same shift we cleared from the ER and she's old me to post a street and intersection that isn't a post. The cross street had two other crosses that had posts on it. So I asked whether she would leke me to go to either x and y or x and z and she said yes please...it wasn't a yes or no question. I decided to just drive that way and I decided to post and x and y since it's a hard post with a TV, bathrooms, couches and really good blinds. Unfortunately there was already an ambo there so through my paramedical (credit to DEMedic for the term) powers of deduction and decided that she meant x and z which is a parking lot with a grocery store, a few sit down restaurants and a grocery store. At least I work days now so everything was open. When I worked nights that post was brutal...pretty sure that's the only post we have next to a gas station that isn't open 24 hours a day....


----------



## CFal (Apr 27, 2013)

overheard today at Rutgers Day on a PD radio:
8 year old missing child, name is XYZ, is wearing a red Rutgers shirt


----------



## Chupathangy (Apr 28, 2013)

One of my reports: 
Me - "Hospital are you clear for a Mild/Med?"
MICN - "Be advised: We're on ED stat" (or something, I dont what its called)
Me - [Silence while trying to think what that means]
MICN - [Angrily] "Ambulance, did you get my last traffic?"
Me - "Ummmm. No?
MICN "I said we're on ED stat!"
Quickly ask my partner what that means. "I don't know!"
Me - [Sigh] "Ummm, I don't know what that means."
MICN - "It means we're busy! Give me age, sex ,c/c!"

I felt like an idiot, but I'd never heard that term used before. I'll never forget now though.


----------



## adamjh3 (Apr 28, 2013)

Chupathangy said:


> One of my reports:
> Me - "Hospital are you clear for a Mild/Med?"
> MICN - "Be advised: We're on ED stat" (or something, I dont what its called)
> 
> I felt like an idiot, but I'd never heard that term used before. I'll never forget now though.



ED Sat. Short for Emergency Department Saturation. They'll also just call it "bypass." 

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you were trying to go to Grossmont?


----------



## Chupathangy (Apr 28, 2013)

adamjh3 said:


> I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you were trying to go to Grossmont?



Wow! I guess that's really no secret though is it?


----------



## MountainMedic (May 3, 2013)

Medic: "I'm calling for a field pronunciation."
MD Med Control: "FIELD." (Hangs up)


----------



## Joesixpak (May 3, 2013)

I was on call the other day and heard another department get dispatched to a MVA on the interstate. Everybody shows up on scene to find no injuries but one mangled looking vehicle so within 30 minutes fire and ems got to leave except engine 3 who was block lane 1. The last conversation to engine 3 went something like this:

Rescue 1: Engine 3 we are going to be leaving the scene officer on scene wants you to remain in blocking position.
Engine 3: 10-4 Rescue 1, can you ask PD if we have permission to throw stuff at vehicle that don't slow down? 
Rescue 1:....


----------



## d0nk3yk0n9 (May 4, 2013)

First Response Unit: Incoming ambulance from XXXX on Med B
... 1 minute of awkward silence
First Response Unit: Dispatch from XXXX, can you dispatch an ambulance to our location.


----------



## CPRinProgress (May 6, 2013)

Dispatch: EMS and fire respond for MVA possible rollover w/ entrapment.  
PD unit: arriving on scene
Dispatch: receive
Pd: all fire units and als responding can stand down negative injuries, can we have a first responder respond fr an RMA pt sitting on sidewalk
First Responder: dispatch can you re-dispatch all units, person on sidewalk is a bystander, pt still in vehicle with entrapment.
Dispatch: received


----------



## Cody1911 (May 7, 2013)

CPRinProgress said:


> Dispatch: EMS and fire respond for MVA possible rollover w/ entrapment.
> PD unit: arriving on scene
> Dispatch: receive
> Pd: all fire units and als responding can stand down negative injuries, can we have a first responder respond fr an RMA pt sitting on sidewalk
> ...



:lol:


----------



## TheLocalMedic (May 8, 2013)

Open mike moments are occasionally pretty funny.  

Last week there was this awful buzzing on the radio and dispatch kept breaking through to announce an open mike.  After about five announcements over a few minutes the buzzing finally quit.  

Dispatch: Thank God!


----------



## DesertMedic66 (May 8, 2013)

TheLocalMedic said:


> Open mike moments are occasionally pretty funny.
> 
> Last week there was this awful buzzing on the radio and dispatch kept breaking through to announce an open mike.  After about five announcements over a few minutes the buzzing finally quit.
> 
> Dispatch: Thank God!



I've heard a lot more than I needed to on an open mic on dispatches end.


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## Ace 227 (May 8, 2013)

CPRinProgress said:


> Dispatch: EMS and fire respond for MVA possible rollover w/ entrapment.
> PD unit: arriving on scene
> Dispatch: receive
> Pd: all fire units and als responding can stand down negative injuries, can we have a first responder respond fr an RMA pt sitting on sidewalk
> ...



Holy hell, hahahaha. Thats not even funny, though


----------



## cfuentes (May 10, 2013)

Dispatch: GOVAC 10, GOVAC Base What's your twenty?

GOVAC 10: Uhhhhhh. 10-5???

Dispatch: GOVAC 10, GOVAC Base Repeat your location is being requested!

GOVAC 10: GOVAC Base, We are at Dunkin Donuts on the corner of Springfield Blvd. and 64th Ave.

5 mins. Later.....


Dispatch: GOVAC 10, Chief requests Status.

GOVAC 10: (Heard in the background) "Oh, crap! He threw up on my shoes! And these were new."
GOVAC 10 (continued): Extended Patient Care!

Dispatch: Shift Supervisor en-route to assist. 

GOVAC 10: Negative!!!! We are 10-53 to North Shore-LIJ.


----------



## The Heavy (May 12, 2013)

Just last night, during my first shift of clincals. Sitting at the nurse station with my preceptor when a call comes in "***ER ***ER this is Alpha000 coming in with a 57 year old male involved with MVC VS CAR" my preceptor looks at the RN standing in front of the radio and says"MVC vs CAR?! Don't bother at this rate I'm sure he'll be dead before they figure out how to get here."


----------



## CobraIV (May 14, 2013)

this girl who was a mess was on the radio and said "Meow"....FIRED!!!


----------



## Handsome Robb (May 14, 2013)

CobraIV said:


> this girl who was a mess was on the radio and said "Meow"....FIRED!!!



I don't think I could work in the U.S. if I got fired every time I said meow on the radio.


----------



## NomadicMedic (May 14, 2013)

Last night there was a fire dispatch for a "cat stuck in a wall". I was surprised I didn't hear one "meow".


----------



## thatSPIKYflip (May 14, 2013)

PD Unit: Dispatch, start me an FD unit to the bingo hall for a small fire in the cigarette receptacle
Dispatch: Received, sending an engine

---One minute later---

PD Sgt: I'm on scene with the raging inferno that is the cigarette receptacle

---Five minutes after arriving on scene---

FD Engine: We're clear, there was no fire - just smoldering ash in the receptacle. Put out with a water bottle


----------



## abckidsmom (May 14, 2013)

Robb said:


> I don't think I could work in the U.S. if I got fired every time I said meow on the radio.



My partners are forever meowing in the background to make me laugh on the radio. Once it made me aspirate an m&m, cough like crazy and I couldn't talk. The dispatcher kept prompting "medic 2, repeat?" And my partner was laughing so hard he couldn't talk either. 

Finally I choked out the message to end the drama. 

Got a text from the asst chief. "Y'all ok? What's going on?"

Uh invasion by hostile faux felines?


----------



## Handsome Robb (May 14, 2013)

abckidsmom said:


> Uh invasion by hostile faux felines?



:lol:

Gotta watch out for this hostile faux felines!


----------



## Tigger (May 14, 2013)

Had a page the other day on the actual pager we have for an auto-aid agreement. All it said was "at general store, meth head." 

Thanks for being honest I guess?


----------



## johnrsemt (May 16, 2013)

Wow if meowing got me fired,  I would be in trouble   spent the weekend Mooing at dispatch;   and when security asked for a better description of the cows (meaning better location)  I spent 3 minutes describing what cows looked like


----------



## EMDispatch (May 16, 2013)

DEmedic said:


> Last night there was a fire dispatch for a "cat stuck in a wall". I was surprised I didn't hear one "meow".



I had a woman request FD for her puppy under the house... She wasn't happy when we explained: 
1. If it got under there and is not stuck....it will come out
2. I'm not tying up firefighters, let alone potential injuring one for that call.

I've done this one before:
PD dispatch:"123 10-25(go to)xyz middle of nowhere (probably 40 miles from his current location and 10 miles from indoor plumbing) for an alarm".
123: copy, enroute
(2 minutes later alarm company cancels)
PD dispatch: dispatch, 123
(silence)
PD dispatch: dispatch, 123
123:10-12 (standby) dispatch (in a particularly nasty a-hole tone)
(35 minutes pass, mind you no other calls have come along)
123:10-23(on location)
PD Dispatch: 10-4, you can 10-22 (disregard) alarm company canceled 35 min ago...


----------



## TheLocalMedic (May 19, 2013)

En route to an unknown medical when we got an update from dispatch.  

"RP stated that they have gained entry to the apartment and advised that there are feces literally everywhere before they disconnected."


----------



## chaz90 (May 19, 2013)

TheLocalMedic said:


> "RP stated that they have gained entry to the apartment and advised that there are feces literally everywhere before they disconnected."



That would be my cue to put in a second piece of gum. Talk about your heart sinking!


----------



## Tigger (May 19, 2013)

chaz90 said:


> That would be my cue to put in a second piece of gum. Talk about your heart sinking!



"Deputies advise that patient is most likely dead." If they call it in like that, it's time for more mints.


----------



## chaz90 (May 19, 2013)

Tigger said:


> "Deputies advise that patient is most likely dead." If they call it in like that, it's time for more mints.



There aren't enough mints in the world


----------



## rmabrey (May 21, 2013)

I didnt hear it but I caused it.

We were posted by the zoo today and a peacock kept making noise. I was bored so I youtubed peakcock calls. 
I key up the PA and let it play. To my surprise the peacock responded. For the LOL's I did it again just as my partner keyed up to ackowledge a post move. 

Dispatch: medic 11 post 4
Medic 11: *peacock noises*
Dispatch: medic 11 could you repeat? 
Medic 11: were clear 
Dispatch: (uncontrollable laughter) much better

I called dispatch after to see if it was broadcast. He laughed when I told him what I was doing. He also informed me the wolves howl at sirens at night.........been trying to get back to the zoo.


----------



## CritterNurse (May 23, 2013)

Only in Maine...

Dispatch: Acton fire, your second tone to respond to ____ Rd, about a half-mile in, for a small outside fire that the sheriff's office needs extinguished. Advising that the trail will be marked with a bud lite and two PBR cans.


----------



## johnrsemt (May 28, 2013)

Parked in the zoo parking lot at night,   it was quiet and screened from the road by trees so we didn't get bothered much.

  Had a new partner one night, who I didn't think about not knowing the sounds of the zoo.   Had a mountain lion scream at one point just as she got out to smoke,  and my partner screamed so loud all of the animals woke up.     She thought it was someone screaming.


----------



## TheLocalMedic (May 31, 2013)

Hearing interns try and give ring downs to the hospital is always amusing...

"Um... patient is a 30 year old female...  on arrival patient was in a severe level of distress...  Uh... vital signs are uh...  tachycardia...  um...  Patient is no longer in distress...  um...."

[Preceptor apparently grabbed the radio at this point]  "Sorry about that.  Medic 50 with a 5 minute ETA, 30 year old female with anxiety."

*Click*


----------



## Fire51 (May 31, 2013)

Our dispatcher was trying to set off our tones for the ambulance and fire department for a shooting but kept dropping the tone. After about the third try and messing up again she said son of a B*tch not knowing she had the mic still keyed up, so it went out on everyone's radio. It was pretty funning.


----------



## iftmedic (Jun 1, 2013)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!


----------



## MTEMTB (Jun 9, 2013)

Was transporting a pt yesterday when he started going south, Called for ALS since we are only BLS. Dispatcher came back and told me to call 911. <_<


----------



## Achilles (Jun 9, 2013)

MTEMTB said:


> Was transporting a pt yesterday when he started going south, Called for ALS since we are only BLS. Dispatcher came back and told me to call 911. <_<



Lol :rofl:


----------



## cfuentes (Jun 10, 2013)

achilles said:


> lol :rofl:



omg!
Lol!


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Jun 18, 2013)

Sent for a transfer and read the notes on the MDC.  Under diagnosis was : Necktits fashion.  My partner and I were very confused until we arrived and a nurse clarified that the patient had necrotizing fasciitis.


----------



## rmabrey (Jun 18, 2013)

Someone didn't train their dragon


----------



## Tigger (Jun 18, 2013)

Local volunteer chief: "Ellicott 3303 is in the area on a smoke investigation."
"Dispatch ok."
Chief: "Fire Dispatch be advised that errrrrrrr OH MY GOD dispatch stand by."
"Dispatch ok."
Chief: "Fire dispatch be advised that we have a massive and I mean huge dust devil headed towards the county and uh err yea well err it's real big."
"Dispatch ok, any smoke in the area?"
Chief: "That's a negative and uh the dust devil has err uh gone away somehow err."
"Dispatch ok."


----------



## Glucatron (Jun 22, 2013)

Favorite tone: "Amb 2 respond to the detox center for a man bit by spider, says he's having a reaction."
Further information: " Staff on scene say they cannot find spider,"
And finally: " Staff on scene confirmed they have found and isolated the spider"

My crew and I laughed so hard. Cannot find spider? Oh Sh*%! I was hoping they would come back on the air and say something like, " AMB 2 evacuate evacuate! Spider is on the loose! He's just too strong!"


----------



## Medic Tim (Jun 22, 2013)

Glucatron said:


> Favorite tone: "Amb 2 respond to the detox center for a man bit by spider, says he's having a reaction."
> Further information: " Staff on scene say they cannot find spider,"
> And finally: " Staff on scene confirmed they have found and isolated the spider"
> 
> My crew and I laughed so hard. Cannot find spider? Oh Sh*%! I was hoping they would come back on the air and say something like, " AMB 2 evacuate evacuate! Spider is on the loose! He's just too strong!"



I can see it now

dispatch we need backup!!........and raid!!!


----------



## v3nn3m (Jul 1, 2013)

skivail said:


> That makes me cringe



lol


----------



## savemachine (Jul 2, 2013)

@everyone

Guys, you are making my gut hurt from laughing.



v3nn3m said:


> lol


----------



## joshrunkle35 (Jul 2, 2013)

TheLocalMedic said:


> Recently heard a rural fire dept near where I work get dispatched to assist law enforcement in removing an injured horse from the roadway.  Dispatch asked for a status update a little while later...  Shouting to be heard over the chainsaw in the background the chief yelled, "The removal is proceeding slowly but surely!"
> 
> Well done chief, you had us all rolling.



Hahaha. I know a chief and two captains I can picture in this exact scenario.


----------



## NJpilot63 (Jul 18, 2013)

Fire department responds with us to ALS calls. This was after both our ambulance and fire went in service to a call for chest pains. 

Fire: "Dispatch, Engine 1's on scene. 2.5 story residential, nothing showing from the exterior. Engine 1'll be **** Street command, investigating"

Dispatch: "Received.... And you're out there for the medical, right?"

Fire: "Ahh... yeah. Engine 1's on scene."

Dispatch: "That's better.... On scene, 1342."


----------



## Casey Sanders (Jul 22, 2013)

Dispatch: tc29a
crew: 29a
d: respond to two persons stuck in a restroom stall
c: ........ please repeat county.
d: respond to two person such in the bathroom.
c: copy.  
(ambulance company dispatch=tcd)
c:29a responding
tcd: confirmed, responding to 1 male and 1 female locked and unable to get out.
c: *suppressed laughing* copy
 c: 29a
d: 29a go ahead
c: is tpd on scene?
d: affirmative
c: (off radio) go lights & sirens
5 minutes later
tcd: tc dispatch to county dispatch
d: go ahead tc
tcd:  correct me of I'm wrong but xxx pt called from cell phone right?
d: affirmative.
tcd: why don't they just use the light of their phones to find their way out?
fire crew and tpd all laughing their tail ends off.


----------



## Bullets (Jul 22, 2013)

Dispatch: Unit 356, are you available?
356: Physically or emotionally? (truck got hammered that day, 17 calls in 12 hours)
D: Uhhhhhh, Physically? 
356: not tonight dispatch, but you can come over tomorrow night
D: 356, respond to 123 any street blah blah, and call me immediately
356: You moving pretty quick D, ill call you in a bit

Maniacal laughter could be heard in the dispatch room, totally awkward, those guys were run down


----------



## Highlander (Jul 31, 2013)

Bullets said:


> Dispatch: Unit 356, are you available?
> 356: Physically or emotionally? (truck got hammered that day, 17 calls in 12 hours)
> D: Uhhhhhh, Physically?
> 356: not tonight dispatch, but you can come over tomorrow night
> ...



We all know they need humor to! Haha but still great job, had me laughing my head off.


----------



## UndeadEMT (Aug 2, 2013)

**

"Rural XXX Dept stand-by for tones"
*Tones* Medic X and Engine X respond to 123 Easy Street for Domestic"
"Uhhh I believe that's PD you're looking for.."
"Medic X and Engine X.....Disregard"


----------



## IndyEMT (Aug 5, 2013)

We have a guy that meows on the radio every couple weeks: "424 copy page. Show us en route meow."


----------



## IslandTime (Aug 6, 2013)

One of our battalion chiefs announced that he was responding "code orange". We never did get an explanation for that one.


----------



## bbmtnbb (Aug 6, 2013)

Had a call for IFT for "rectal-vaginal fistula"
The MAN was missing his vagina and actually had an abdominal fistula post rectal CA surgery.


----------



## jefftherealmccoy (Aug 10, 2013)

Had a guy squawk like a parrot over the radio on national "talk like a pirate day."  The on duty supervisor didn't find it very funny.  made him appologize over the radio.


----------



## broken stretcher (Aug 11, 2013)

Can we have the apartment letter...



Its apartment P as in Pneumonia


----------



## chaz90 (Aug 12, 2013)

broken stretcher said:


> Can we have the apartment letter...
> 
> 
> 
> Its apartment P as in Pneumonia



I actually kind of love that. Gotta have respect for the dispatchers who can spell. I won't mention certain issues I've seen in the past... *cough* rectal breathing *cough*


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Aug 12, 2013)

chaz90 said:


> I actually kind of love that. Gotta have respect for the dispatchers who can spell. I won't mention certain issues I've seen in the past... *cough* rectal breathing *cough*



Is CPAP a new treatment option for rectal breathing?


----------



## chaz90 (Aug 12, 2013)

DesertEMT66 said:


> Is CPAP a new treatment option for rectal breathing?



You go first. Plug it in and give it a whirl I suppose? Be merciful and keep the PEEP turned down low though.


----------



## TheLocalMedic (Aug 12, 2013)

Rectal CPAP is also indicated for people who can't get their head out of their arses.


----------



## NomadicMedic (Aug 14, 2013)

Overheard outside the ER....

"So we put CPAP on his rectum..."

Yeah? Did it work in his rectum?

"Rectum? It damn near killed 'em!"


----------



## TomP (Aug 14, 2013)

Dispatched for a 88 y/o M unresponsive CPR in progress for possible heart attack


----------



## Wheel (Aug 14, 2013)

TomP said:


> Dispatched for a 88 y/o M unresponsive CPR in progress for possible heart attack



Meh, that could be valuable information post ROSC, if you happen to make it that far.


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Aug 14, 2013)

We have a dispatcher who shortens the nature of the call.

"medic 103 respond code 3 to 1234 Hillbilly for a possible heart"
"medic 103 respond code 3 to 2345 Sunrise for breathing"


----------



## EMDispatch (Aug 17, 2013)

DesertEMT66 said:


> We have a dispatcher who shortens the nature of the call.
> 
> "medic 103 respond code 3 to 1234 Hillbilly for a possible heart"
> "medic 103 respond code 3 to 2345 Sunrise for breathing"



We have a few that do that. I've had several memorable flubs on the radio, but my favorite is the classic:

"Medic ###, your responding to the fainting at 559 nowhere, for a 88y/o male *unconscious but breathing*....

I always have to laugh when I say it.


----------



## Medic Tim (Aug 17, 2013)

EMDispatch said:


> We have a few that do that. I've had several memorable flubs on the radio, but my favorite is the classic:
> 
> "Medic ###, your responding to the fainting at 559 nowhere, for a 88y/o male *unconscious but breathing*....
> 
> I always have to laugh when I say it.



our dispatchers say that all the time.


The other one that makes me laugh is they wont say syncope or near syncopal on the radio because they don't have a card for it. the card is "unconscious/ fainting". so we will be dispatched 

Ambulance ### responding code 1 (lights and siren) to 123 blah blah st with cross streets of what and ever for an "unconscious/fainting" pt is a 27 yof who is conscious, alert and breathing normally.


----------



## NomadicMedic (Aug 17, 2013)

Yep. We get that too. "Medic 108, respond to the unconscious person..."

Then the CAD note will say something like, patient felt like they were going to faint, conscious alert and breathing.

And it's a Charlie response. It's always a Charlie response.


----------



## EMDispatch (Aug 17, 2013)

Yeah the unconscious/fainting card is my least favorite, especially since the latest versions of the software force you to it when people state they felt light-headed when they fell, or nearly passed out from the pain.


----------



## unclewalter87 (Aug 31, 2013)

DesertEMT66 said:


> In my area (pretty much all of California) we don't get tornados.
> 
> Dispatch: "Medic 502 respond code 3 to hewett street for a kid stuck in a tornado"
> 
> ...



In Kansas we do.


----------



## MTEMTB (Sep 1, 2013)

Was talking to a friends niece who shared a really good from her department.

"Medic 1 respond to a vehicle accident"
"Meat Wagon 1 rolling."


----------



## ffemt8978 (Sep 1, 2013)

My first weekend as the Command Officer for my fire department we were dispatched to a structure fire at a local river dam.

Me: "Dispatch, Unit XXX arriving at structure fire at XXXX Dam.  Heavy black smoke visible.  Dispatch mutual aid from districts XXX and XXX.  Establishing XXXXX Dam Command."

Dispatch (barely able to contain the laughter): "Unit XXX arrived on scene, heavy black smoke visible.  Establishing Damn Command."

For the next 9 hours, they refused to use the full command name and just kept calling for "Damn Command".


----------



## DesertMedic66 (Sep 1, 2013)

ffemt8978 said:


> My first weekend as the Command Officer for my fire department we were dispatched to a structure fire at a local river dam.
> 
> Me: "Dispatch, Unit XXX arriving at structure fire at XXXX Dam.  Heavy black smoke visible.  Dispatch mutual aid from districts XXX and XXX.  Establishing XXXXX Dam Command."
> 
> ...



Now I really want to respond to a dam. "Medic 104, we are on the dam scene"


----------



## ffemt8978 (Sep 1, 2013)

DesertEMT66 said:


> Now I really want to respond to a dam. "Medic 104, we are on the dam scene"


It was even funnier when they were relaying information to responding units.

"Engine XXX, Damn Command wants you to grab the hydrant on the northeast corner and lay in a 3 inch line."

"District XXX, Damn Command requests you respond with your SCBA recharging unit."

On the law frequency, "Deputies XXX and XXX, please respond to XXXX Dam for traffic control per Damn Command."  Even the cops were laughing at that one.


----------



## dhinchcl (Sep 3, 2013)

*Radio?*

An Australian guy on our squad, coolest guy ever, got on the radio after a full crew had been called in.

Headquarters: "Received 553, full crew at 17:15"
553: "10-4, full crew (However, PD hears "full code")"
Headquarters: "Received 553, dispatching ALS, patient has coded."
553: "NEGATIVE HEADQUARTERS FULL CREW FULL CREW!!"
Headquarters: "553 we read you, we have ALS on the way, patient update?"
553: "Headquarters I'm going to give you a call mate."


----------



## URI (Sep 6, 2013)

My dispatch:  Rescue 3 to xxxx address for a paraplegic, also.. party can't walk.  
You can't make this up.


----------



## FiremanMike (Sep 26, 2013)

jefftherealmccoy said:


> Had a guy squawk like a parrot over the radio on national "talk like a pirate day."  The on duty supervisor didn't find it very funny.  made him appologize over the radio.



That supervisor probably wouldn't like me much..


----------



## VirginiaEMT (Sep 27, 2013)

piranah said:


> happened on a busy busy day....
> 
> me: rescue 2 to 510, rescue 2 is going to be back and town and available.
> dispatch:.....not for long.....(with sly voice)



Just yesterday I heard a medic give 125 KG of SoluMedrol.


----------



## Stoked (Oct 12, 2013)

As a medic was giving dispatch an update on a train v. ped, you could hear someone in the background (I hope non-intentionally) say "Where's the rest of him?".


----------



## Jim37F (Oct 26, 2013)

"All units, whoever wants to carve a pumpkin today, landline dispatch"


----------



## Glucatron (Dec 12, 2013)

"Unit A respond to a party having ear wax problems" Also let it be known this call came in during a massive flood with already severely trained resources. .. Yep.


----------



## WoodyPN (Dec 18, 2013)

Glucatron said:


> "Unit A respond to a party having ear wax problems" Also let it be known this call came in during a massive flood with already severely trained resources. .. Yep.



He would have been told quite simply that he would not be getting an ambulance.


----------



## ffemt8978 (Dec 18, 2013)

Dispatch: "We're trying to get somebody unstuck from the car wash right now."

:unsure:


----------



## AtlasFlyer (Dec 18, 2013)

A dispatch for domestic abuse. Female had been hit by her boyfriend who threw a penis pump at her.


----------



## Underoath87 (Dec 21, 2013)

We have a wheelchair van driver who once announced over the radio: "unit 15 to dispatch, I'm on scene but need to stop and take a leak before I head upstairs [in the hospital]".

He was met with a pause, followed by a sigh and, "thank you, 15..."


----------



## M1ke10191 (Dec 22, 2013)

Heard this from a coworker interning with a medic responding to an arrest:

BLS on scene - "He's leaning towards cardiac arrest."
ALS responding to scene - "Well lean him the other way!"


----------



## emt11 (Dec 22, 2013)

Dispatch: 247, copy an emergency
247: Go ahead
Dispatch: 247 your going to 123 XYZ for a 17 year old female involved in an MVC...(dramatic pause from dispatch) yesterday that now complains of neck and back pain
247: Clear on the MVC from yesterday


----------



## TransportJockey (Dec 22, 2013)

Heard from a district chief out here on a fire call. Think massively Spanglish accent

"Dispatch, xxxx, we need more vatos to turn off the fire, eh. Fire went woosh!"


----------



## NomadicMedic (Dec 22, 2013)

I just heard a medic clearing a patient refusal, against medical advice, with a doc on the radio. Best response ever... the doc said "well, it's not like you can knock them over the head and drag them in…"

Seriously. Best response ever.


----------



## Glucatron (Dec 23, 2013)

DEmedic said:


> I just heard a medic clearing a patient refusal, against medical advice, with a doc on the radio. Best response ever... the doc said "well, it's not like you can knock them over the head and drag them in…"
> 
> Seriously. Best response ever.



That is awesome! ^.^


----------



## Brandon O (Dec 25, 2013)

DEmedic said:


> I just heard a medic clearing a patient refusal, against medical advice, with a doc on the radio. Best response ever... the doc said "well, it's not like you can knock them over the head and drag them in…"
> 
> Seriously. Best response ever.



Had a doc tell me to do this. That'll teach me to call med control for a refusal.


----------



## johnrsemt (Dec 26, 2013)

Dispatched for a man who burned his arm:  BLS,  with ALS on standby.

Driving down the street partner looking for the address:   I picked up the radio and told dispatch that we were "on scene with a 2 story house with smoke coming from 2 windows start a box alarm".   Dispatched responded "negative Amb ##, you are going to an injured person".

Picked up the mike again,  told dispatch that "I was clear on that,  but the injured persons house was on fire".   Dispatch told me that we weren't going to a house fire.

 Picked up mike again, but before I could key it Batt Chief got on the radio and told dispatch that we knew what we were dispatched to,  but we were smart enough to know that the house was on fire:  and to fill out the box.   Dispatch responded to him:  "Clear chief, but no one has called in a house fire, so we don't believe them;  but are dispatching fire response on your orders"


----------



## emt11 (Dec 27, 2013)

johnrsemt said:


> Dispatched for a man who burned his arm:  BLS,  with ALS on standby.
> 
> Driving down the street partner looking for the address:   I picked up the radio and told dispatch that we were "on scene with a 2 story house with smoke coming from 2 windows start a box alarm".   Dispatched responded "negative Amb ##, you are going to an injured person".
> 
> ...



I think we'd be having a come to Jesus meeting with that dispatcher.


----------



## jeepdude911 (Dec 27, 2013)

johnrsemt said:


> Dispatched for a man who burned his arm:  BLS,  with ALS on standby.
> 
> Driving down the street partner looking for the address:   I picked up the radio and told dispatch that we were "on scene with a 2 story house with smoke coming from 2 windows start a box alarm".   Dispatched responded "negative Amb ##, you are going to an injured person".
> 
> ...



You win!


----------



## Glucatron (Dec 27, 2013)

jeepdude911 said:


> You win!



Agreed.


----------



## johnrsemt (Jan 9, 2014)

Had one out here just a few months ago;   county radio  animal control officer dispatched to check out a loose black dog in a back yard.
  Officer marked on scene and stated he was going to check out the yard before making contact with the caller.

About 30 seconds later I heard on the radio heavy breathing/panting and officer yelling  "That isn't a black dog  it is a   _________  BLACK BEAR".    Turned out that as he walked around the corner of the house the bear was standing on his hind legs looking in a window; and it turned to look at him as he turned the corner,  at about 3-4 feet away.        Lady that called it in said that it was a 'funny looking black dog'.

Bear was watched by a few neighbors and the police as it went back into the mountains on its own.


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey (Mar 8, 2014)

Listening to the fire scanner,
-Patrol X, Engine X, can you make your way up the hill to the engine, the engine is not pumping water, and we need to pump water on the fire. So can you bring the patrol up here and hook it up so we can pump water. Because the engine is not pumping water at the moment and we need water on this fire. 
-Uh, copy, put the fire out.


----------



## Ace 227 (Mar 9, 2014)

Heard a call for a woman "with heavy vaginal bleeding. She also has a battery stuck in her vagina. She isn't sure if that caused the bleeding or not but its, uh... in there."


----------



## emt11 (Mar 9, 2014)

Ace 227 said:


> Heard a call for a woman "with heavy vaginal bleeding. She also has a battery stuck in her vagina. She isn't sure if that caused the bleeding or not but its, uh... in there."



Well that couldn't possibly be the problem. Better get the rookie to check it out with the forceps and make sure he brings the size 7 fallopian tube.


----------



## Rin (Mar 9, 2014)

emt11 said:


> Well that couldn't possibly be the problem. Better get the rookie to check it out with the forceps and make sure he brings the size 7 fallopian tube.




I always make sure to carry two with me at all times.  Essential equipment, y' know


----------



## FiremanMike (Mar 9, 2014)

johnrsemt said:


> Dispatched for a man who burned his arm:  BLS,  with ALS on standby.
> 
> Driving down the street partner looking for the address:   I picked up the radio and told dispatch that we were "on scene with a 2 story house with smoke coming from 2 windows start a box alarm".   Dispatched responded "negative Amb ##, you are going to an injured person".
> 
> ...



You were much nicer on the radio than I would have been..


----------



## emt11 (Mar 10, 2014)

FiremanMike said:


> You were much nicer on the radio than I would have been..



Makes you wonder... what kind of special (lots of explicits) doesn't believe that we can tell the difference between someone's house being on fire or not. Well maybe I don't believe you that we have a call next time.


----------



## emt11 (Mar 10, 2014)

Rin said:


> I always make sure to carry two with me at all times.  Essential equipment, y' know



Now that is being prepared. Never know when your gonna need it and don't forget the blinker fluid, god help you if the sup. catches you without that.


----------



## Meursault (Mar 13, 2014)

"A-18, you're showing an emergency alert. Everything alright? No terrorists in the truck?"

*facepalm*
*remembers q4 roll call during the lockdown*
*double facepalm*


----------



## FiremanMike (Mar 14, 2014)

Meursault said:


> "A-18, you're showing an emergency alert. Everything alright? No terrorists in the truck?"
> 
> *facepalm*
> *remembers q4 roll call during the lockdown*
> *double facepalm*



More importantly it's nice to know that they don't take your safety seriously..

Sheesh, this thread is supposed to be funny, there's stuff on here that's damn infuriating...


----------



## Handsome Robb (Mar 14, 2014)

FiremanMike said:


> More importantly it's nice to know that they don't take your safety seriously..
> 
> 
> 
> Sheesh, this thread is supposed to be funny, there's stuff on here that's damn infuriating...




Yea I agree. That's ridiculous. A 10-78 alarm here stops everything and starts the world towards the last known location of that unit, LE jurisdictional lines do not apply, until that unit comes up code 4 with their names and ID numbers.


----------



## emt11 (Mar 14, 2014)

Robb said:


> Yea I agree. That's ridiculous. A 10-78 alarm here stops everything and starts the world towards the last known location of that unit, LE jurisdictional lines do not apply, until that unit comes up code 4 with their names and ID numbers.



HA, our little orange(emergency) button makes for a nice scan on/off button on our 800 radios because someone got the brilliant idea to disable the emergency button and of course you can always key up and say you have an emergency which isn't always possible and then of course dispatch is going to want to know why before they start working on getting PD to us. At which I work at a private 3rd service with it's own dispatch center that is totally separate from the county 911 center and the few city 911 centers that have their own PD so it'll be at least an additional minute before anyone is even dispatched to you.


----------



## ambo000 (Mar 24, 2014)

Dispatch: Unit 21 have you departed for hospital?

Unit 21: Negative, due to location we are having difficulty reversing the ambulance backwards....

.... well no sh*t .....reversing backwards... ooo wouldn't want to confuse that with reversing forwards!!!


----------



## mycrofft (Mar 24, 2014)

DEmedic said:


> I just heard a medic clearing a patient refusal, against medical advice, with a doc on the radio. Best response ever... the doc said "well, it's not like you can knock them over the head and drag them in…"
> 
> Seriously. Best response ever.



T-Shirt!


----------



## mycrofft (Mar 24, 2014)

A reserve deputy in Flagstaff (or was it Yuma?) of my later acquaintance  was on the way home from a call and stopped for a beer. Two local big rowdies started pushing and shoving each other and breaking stuff, so he stepped in. Being only five-seven made him sort of unimpressive to look at (sorry, man!) but being an ex-Ranger with a tour in Vietnam made him decisive. He cuffed one guy, the other approached and he clubbed him with his handheld Motorola, then cuffed him and brought them in using his own car. 

The mike button stuck on when he used it as a shillelagh so his modified Miranda injunction to them both, which was close to "I don't want to hear anything about it until we get to the station" and subsequent attempts to call in, were on the entire net. The battery died on the way in.

Sergeant calls him in. My co-worker says "Sorry for bringing them in without radioing first, the battery died.."

"…and you didn't want to hear anything about it until they were in, right?". (smiles).

Coworker: :huh:

As he walked out of the office the guys in the office stood and applauded.


----------



## ThunderMedic223 (Apr 2, 2014)

medic89 said:


> On the way back from a 2AM Psych Trip:
> 
> Me: Dispatch, L2 is out for fuel.
> Dispatch: 10-4 L2 out for fuel at 0447.
> ...



This is the best one I have found do far


----------



## Mjolnir (Apr 3, 2014)

During my giving over a notification to the hospital, I reported that a med was delivered "orally"...to which my partner may have muttered "that's what she said" a little too loud...


----------



## spnjsquad (Apr 7, 2014)

1) During a day crew someone from dispatch started playing the song "I just died in your arms tonight" for about a full two minutes.
2) One dispatcher forgot to turn the mic off and proceeded to say "F**K" a couple times, then once more when she realized she had said that into the radio.


----------



## Mjolnir (Apr 7, 2014)

spnjsquad said:


> 1) During a day crew someone from dispatch started playing the song "I just died in your arms tonight" for about a full two minutes.
> 2) One dispatcher forgot to turn the mic off and proceeded to say "F**K" a couple times, then once more when she realized she had said that into the radio.



Lucky the FCC wasn't listening...I'm told that's a big no-no. 

Sorta reminds of when Dispatch was giving us a extremely complicated address, and the radio kept messing up the transmission...after the third 10-5 (repeat last) from us, she said "Jesus Christ, just call the base. I'm not reading that again."


----------



## spnjsquad (Apr 8, 2014)

Mjolnir said:


> Lucky the FCC wasn't listening...I'm told that's a big no-no.
> 
> Sorta reminds of when Dispatch was giving us a extremely complicated address, and the radio kept messing up the transmission...after the third 10-5 (repeat last) from us, she said "Jesus Christ, just call the base. I'm not reading that again."


Oops sorry I meant from police frequency not dispatch. Still not a good thing to do regardless haha. The dispatcher still was the one saying the F bomb a bunch of times...


----------



## Hunter (Apr 11, 2014)

Medic#: Dispatch do you have a call back number for this call?
Dispatch: I'll try calling them back.

Few minutes later...
Dispatch: Medic # your patient is coming to the door.
Medic#: Too late my partner's going through the window.
Dispatch: That might startle her.


----------



## sapsley (Apr 21, 2014)

Us: "This is rescue 52, we are single and available"

Dispatch: ".......you mean clear and available?"

Us: "Yeah that too"


----------



## eman00 (Apr 21, 2014)

Received a page with an address and the street name was Vespucci. I decided to mess with the dispatcher and requested for the address over the radio.

Me: Dispatch, can you give me the address over the radio, it came out scrambled on the pager

Dispatch: The address is 1234 Vespucci.....(the dispatcher pronounced pucci as pu**y)

Right after she said it, she realized what she said and laughed, which we all heard until she released the button. After that, everybody in their rigs who heard it went on the radio and laughed too. Granted it was on a weekend, so management wasn't there to hear all the fun.


----------



## Jon14107 (Apr 23, 2014)

lol


----------



## kjacksonemti (Apr 23, 2014)

Not on the radio, but...

Clinical Director: "And new in this protocol update, we're adding nitrous oxide for chest pain."

Medic 1: "Nitrous? Hhhmmmmmm."

Medic 2: "Whippits? Awesome!"

Medic 3: "Hehehehehe... Cool."

Clinical Director: "Even newer in this protocol update, nitrous oxide for chest pain has been removed."

Chorus: "Awwwww!"


----------



## paracordmedic (May 30, 2014)

Disp: Respond to a fully involved structure fire at 123 XXX street.
Medic: Which way do we turn onto XXX street?
Disp: Towards the big orange glow.

..........

Medic: Can you give us those directions again?
Disp: Is there anyone on the Medic that's not stupid?


----------



## TacomaGirl (Jun 27, 2014)

sapsley said:


> Us: "This is rescue 52, we are single and available"
> 
> Dispatch: ".......you mean clear and available?"
> 
> Us: "Yeah that too"



:rofl:


----------



## kirky kirk (Jun 27, 2014)

Hunter said:


> Medic#: Dispatch do you have a call back number for this call?
> Dispatch: I'll try calling them back.
> 
> Few minutes later...
> ...



:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## KiloSierra (Jun 30, 2014)

*wow*

EMT:yeah dispatch this is A### were going priority 2 to the hospital, starting 0's.
Dispatch: … A### you mean priority 1?…"
EMT: No were going priority 2
Dispatch: Copy priority 1
EMT: No. We are going PRIOITY 2
Dispatch: A### our company does not use priority 2
EMT: oh… well were going HIGH priority 2
Disptach: A### give me a Tx when your arrive.


----------



## EMTTrainingResource (Jul 2, 2014)

Too funny


----------



## avdrummerboy (Jul 15, 2014)

Had a regular in our area who managed to take a certain type of pill that would over endow him for a few hours. First time our company received a call for it went something like this: 

"Medic X code 3 for a.... uh...... a..... uh male with a.... uh... hard on for six hours." Thats literally what the pager said, most of us were too busy laughing to say anything back.

Of course, the next time the guy called, for the same problem, the page and dispatch was simply for a medical aid. I'm pretty sure that the ECC dispatcher and our dispatch got a little talking to about the verbiage OTA.


----------



## Emergency Metaphysics (Aug 3, 2014)

Silverstone said:


> Another funny thing was an old dispatcher of ours was dispatching out a unit to F AVE, and on the radio he described it as "F as in Pharmacy...." holy hell.....



As an English teacher I'd appreciate it if you pass along this "F" to him ... for "Fail."

M.


----------



## vcuemt (Aug 4, 2014)

Over the weekend:

"Ambulance XX upgrading to priority 1 [l&s], 5 minutes out from XX hospital."
Dispatch: "Ambulance XX copy, do you need ALS intercept?"


----------



## brainsurgeon (Aug 4, 2014)

Dispatch: "Pt says his heart is beating fast and he has chest pain. Pt has history of rapid heart rate and tachycardia."


----------



## planetmike (Aug 5, 2014)

brainsurgeon said:


> Dispatch: "Pt says his heart is beating fast and he has chest pain. Pt has history of rapid heart rate and tachycardia."



Gee, that is repeatedly redundant.


----------



## avdrummerboy (Aug 5, 2014)

Heard the infamous jumbled words the other day. In our area, we have to say wether we are on scene before, same time as, or after the fire dept. It the person talking is tired, some weird things can be said.

"Medic X on fire with scene."


----------



## URI (Aug 5, 2014)

We have arguably one of the worst dispatchers of all time.  

Picture this:   A 300 lb dispatcher siting in front of his council eating a bowl of chili that's resting on his beer gut.  
Pushes the mic and mumbles an incomprehensible ten fa.  To pretty much any message that gets transmitted regardless of its importance. He recently decided that mumbling ten four/ten fa, is too much work, so now he reverts back to the infamous radio click.    


Medic 2 to dispatch, were on the air investigating a possible mvc at xxx address.    

"Click".   

"Medic 2 dispatch, we received that radio click"


----------



## avdrummerboy (Aug 5, 2014)

Haha, yeah we have the clickers out here too, annoying as all hell, also have a few that assume that our radio calls are just to hear ourselves talk, so they don't respond at all!


----------



## URI (Aug 5, 2014)

Soooo bad.


----------



## MarissaLynn (Aug 11, 2014)

emtcboots said:


> Me: "Communications, send LEO to intersection of hwy 70 and pedestrian crosswalk. The big, giant pedestrian crosswalk"
> Dispatch: "10-4, can we request a reason why?"
> Me: "Patient fled unit at stop sign"
> Dispatch: "Are you saying that the patient jumped out of the truck at the stop sign?"
> ...



This actually made me laugh out loud!


----------



## MarissaLynn (Aug 11, 2014)

johnrsemt said:


> Just remember that when you are teaching CPR in a business,  with other people in the building that EVERYONE in the building needs to know that there is a CPR class going on.
> 
> I had 30+ 911 calls from a business I was teaching at when my first student yelled  "you, go call 911 for an Unresponsive person".  they did   and I got a full Box Alarm dispatched due to all of the calls




Oh no! That would be my luck as well...


----------



## Tigger (Aug 12, 2014)

Rescue 1, Med 11, you'll be responding on a 36 year old who is breathing but not alert, RP is stating that patient slipped and fell and struck her head.
Med 11 ok.

Rescue 1 and Med 11, be advised that the patient is reported to be having a seizure. The caller is also stating that the patient is intoxicated and non-responsible.
11 alrighttttt.

Yup dispatch, you got that one right.


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey (Aug 12, 2014)

Drinking with a seizure disorder is pretty irresponsible...


----------



## Tigger (Aug 12, 2014)

As it turned out she just pulled one over on her family. Fall down drunk in front of family and fiance?? Well why not just fake a seizure then.


----------



## LACoGurneyjockey (Aug 12, 2014)

Tigger said:


> As it turned out she just pulled one over on her family. Fall down drunk in front of family and fiance?? Well why not just fake a seizure then.



That makes me think of a picture, but a certain someone spanked me the last time I included the link


----------



## WildlandEMT89 (Oct 1, 2014)

U-Alarm this is unit emergency traffic
D-go ahead unit
U-We are outside of station and our unit is on fire
D- copy unit, out of service.


----------



## Rin (Oct 1, 2014)

WildlandEMT89 said:


> U-Alarm this is unit emergency traffic
> D-go ahead unit
> U-We are outside of station and our unit is on fire
> D- copy unit, out of service.



Reminds me of an incident we had:

U:  3-4 to base
D:  Go ahead 3-4
U:  Our squad just caught fire
D:  Copy 3-4...uhhh can you drive it back to base?


----------



## Clare (Oct 2, 2014)

Accidentally letting out a massive deep hearty YAAAAWN when talking to Control is a great way of letting them know you are ready for a break.


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 7, 2014)

Radio'd dispatch one day to say my right rear duals came off and passed me;  they asked if we could put them back on and drive back.


----------



## Rick Tresnak (Oct 11, 2014)

D-Please respond to a man down, unknown problem at 1123 cave street.
U- Can you repeat that street again?
D- 1123 cave street
U- Dispatch do mean C.  Avenue?
D-10-4 C. Avenue

Man there could have been Dave street, Gave street, Have street, Wave street...etc


----------



## Rick Tresnak (Oct 11, 2014)

This happened awhile ago... Dispatched for a 10-50 PI Semi vs. Guard Rail.

U-  A34 arriving scene..."OH HELL Dispatch We need all available ALS units in the county on this.
D- A34, Please advise
U- Dispatch there are bodies everywhere dispatch additional Units
D- A34, 10-4  (They Dispatch all available Units, Several respond)
U- A34- 10-22 all additional units, there are manikins laying on the roadway.
D- A34, say again? 
U- Dispatch 10-22 responding crews.  "I was a dummy."


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 14, 2014)

Listened to a fire dispatch to a BUSH fire at a gas station down the street from their station. 
When they got close they told dispatch to upgrade to a box alarm for a BUS fire.
What the difference an H makes when you are call taking.

Also was at the local hospital when a High Rise box alarm (3 trucks, 5 engines) got dispatched to the same hospital for a working wildfire outside the ambulance bay:  3 ambulance crews looked at each other, walked outside and there were 2 small bushes burning with the mulch in between.   we used the hose from the backboard washing station, a small garbage can to carry water.  and our boots.   Tried to tell dispatch to downgrade the response and was told since we were NOT fire units we couldn't do that.


----------



## RedAirplane (Nov 10, 2014)

spiffy said:


> Just a quick question... I'm in beginning stages of learning EMS... what does a SOB mean?



I didn't figure it out for a while either. My EMT instructor kept talking about using PASTE for SOB patients. I had fun using my imagination with that one.


----------



## RedAirplane (Nov 10, 2014)

ochacon80 said:


> I don't have a specific occurrence but I know a few times a couple of our dispatches have said patient names over the radios, I cringe every time it happens.



How about, at a standby event, the patient's name and full medical history over the radio including multiple repetitions of "patient has AIDS." Cringe does not even begin to describe it.


----------



## BigDEMT (Nov 11, 2014)

NJN said:


> PD had received a few calls about a possible Black Bear roaming a neighborhood.
> 
> 
> Dispatch: Unit ## what's your status.
> Unit: "Be vewy vewy quiet we're hunting a vewy vewy big wabbit"



LOL. One of the funniest I've read on this thread


----------



## RedAirplane (Apr 28, 2015)

Team: Base from team.

Base (me): This is base

Team: your (indecipherable) waffle (indexipherable)

Base: please repeat waffle traffic. I was unable to copy. 

Team: I said we're taking our own slow time walking back with the waffles you ordered. And if I may add, the waffles from this place are so crisp and delicious.

Base: (hold the mic the lose it laughing)

Base: I copy your waffle traffic.


----------



## Flying (Apr 28, 2015)

A few minutes after being dispatched to a firehouse.

Fire: "Dispatch, there are two unknown vehicles behind the firehouse."
Dispatch: "Let me guess, one's white and one's black and white."


----------



## mollyz33 (May 19, 2015)

I heard one once where the person was having a seizure while at a burger king, and apparently the person who called 911 called in saying there was a "flopper at the whopper" and the dispatcher relayed the information the same way, saying that there was a "flopper at the whopper" on xxxxx street.


----------



## ERDoc (May 23, 2015)

We were once dispatched to an, "Adult male, maternity."


----------



## johnrsemt (May 26, 2015)

IFT company BLS crew was dispatched to Hospital A to transfer to hospital B for a 20 year old MALE vampire who was 19 months pregnant.  Every duty crew managed to show up at one of the hospitals to check that out.  The crew that got the transport stated he didn't look pregnant.  So I asked what the time is that vampires carry their fetuses;  she wasn't sure so she asked the receiving nurse:  the answer was 'At least 20 months, since he hadn't had it yet'.   
Thought that was a good answer


----------



## RedAirplane (May 26, 2015)

johnrsemt said:


> IFT company BLS crew was dispatched to Hospital A to transfer to hospital B for a 20 year old MALE vampire who was 19 months pregnant.  Every duty crew managed to show up at one of the hospitals to check that out.  The crew that got the transport stated he didn't look pregnant.  So I asked what the time is that vampires carry their fetuses;  she wasn't sure so she asked the receiving nurse:  the answer was 'At least 20 months, since he hadn't had it yet'.
> Thought that was a good answer



Whenever I get a call involving a vampire, I suspect he just wants a free ride to his daily blood transfusion. With that said, I advise the hospital to keep extra security around the blood bank. As for me, thankfully garlic is part of standard BLS equipment and can be used if the patient becomes uncooperative. They're not the worst patients. 

Werewolves, on the other hand, require a special mod ambulance that can filter out the rays of the full moon. They're really difficult on scene, but once you get them inside, they're really happy that they're back to being human. Just make sure nobody opens a window during transport, and park very close to the hospital door.


----------



## medicaltransient (May 26, 2015)

Respond for "girl problems"


----------



## mo2002 (May 28, 2015)

sapsley said:


> Us: "This is rescue 52, we are single and available"
> 
> Dispatch: ".......you mean clear and available?"
> 
> Us: "Yeah that too"


Epic.

Reminds me of my first IFT company

Dispatch: Unit 008 what's your status?
Unit 008: Siiiiiiiinnnnggggglllleeee!


----------



## LiveForTheTones (Jun 5, 2015)

URI said:


> We have arguably one of the worst dispatchers of all time.
> 
> Picture this:   A 300 lb dispatcher siting in front of his council eating a bowl of chili that's resting on his beer gut.
> Pushes the mic and mumbles an incomprehensible ten fa.  To pretty much any message that gets transmitted regardless of its importance. He recently decided that mumbling ten four/ten fa, is too much work, so now he reverts back to the infamous radio click.
> ...



How do these people keep their jobs??


----------



## Tigger (Jun 5, 2015)

County dispatch, you can show Squad 8-1 on scene, we'll be pullout command. 

Tee hee.


----------



## NomadicMedic (Jun 5, 2015)

For some reason the county I work in now has decided that the word "clear" means okay or received. It makes me crazy. 

Me: "Medic 2 is responding to XXX Main Street"

'Spatch: Medic 2, clear. 

Wait, what? Have I been cleared from that call? 

How about we just use plain language. 

Going to the scene: responding. 
Arrived on scene: on scene 
Going to the hospital: transporting. 
At the hospital: medic X out at xxx hospital. 

If you need to respond that you understood: okay. 

No 10-4, copy, roger or any other crap. 

"Medic 5 respond to xxx main st for chest pain."

"Medic 5 okay."

Why is that so hard?


----------



## RedAirplane (Jun 5, 2015)

DEmedic said:


> For some reason the county I work in now has decided that the word "clear" means okay or received. It makes me crazy.
> 
> Me: "Medic 2 is responding to XXX Main Street"
> 
> ...


----------



## Tigger (Jun 7, 2015)

G


DEmedic said:


> For some reason the county I work in now has decided that the word "clear" means okay or received. It makes me crazy.
> 
> Me: "Medic 2 is responding to XXX Main Street"
> 
> ...


Gross. 

I want to yell at people who say things like "show Med 3 clear, transporting to regional."

You're not clear fool.


----------



## RedAirplane (Jun 7, 2015)

Ever requested ALS, then heard ALS dispatched to a location that isn't yours, and doesn't even actually exist?


----------



## inthesticks09 (Jun 12, 2015)

AJ Hidell said:


> *Pilot:*  Incident command, this is CareFlite 3.
> 
> *Fire Idiot:*  CareFlite 3, this is Engine 59, go ahead.
> 
> ...


...Pilot: Engine 59, can you report any intelligent life on scene? 

Hehe


----------



## sirengirl (Jun 22, 2015)

In my area there is a housing community that names all its streets after really pompous sounding flowers and botanicals. We were dispatched to such an address. My radio traffic as follows:

"Medic124 responding for chest pain to 456..... Uhhh.... Ummm... THAT-word Street." Cue stifled laughter from dispatch over the radio.

(Bougainvillea, in case you were wondering. I still can't pronounce it.)


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## LiveForTheTones (Jun 22, 2015)

sirengirl said:


> In my area there is a housing community that names all its streets after really pompous sounding flowers and botanicals. We were dispatched to such an address. My radio traffic as follows:
> 
> "Medic124 responding for chest pain to 456..... Uhhh.... Ummm... THAT-word Street." Cue stifled laughter from dispatch over the radio.
> 
> (Bougainvillea, in case you were wondering. I still can't pronounce it.)


Bo-gan-veel-lea.


----------



## MicahW (Sep 15, 2015)

I never heard this one personally but I heard about it while I was still an EMT student.
"Dispatch, 7121"
"Go ahead car 21"
"Um...yeah...we're gunna need the fat bus (bariatric unit) over here ASAP."

That guy got fired pretty quickly.


----------



## Martyn (Sep 27, 2015)

MicahW said:


> I never heard this one personally but I heard about it while I was still an EMT student.
> "Dispatch, 7121"
> "Go ahead car 21"
> "Um...yeah...we're gunna need the fat bus (bariatric unit) over here ASAP."
> ...



We used to call it the 'Fatty Wagon' at Americare


----------



## johnrsemt (Sep 27, 2015)

We used to call it (to our crew members or dispatch on the phone or in person) the 'Fat Bas***D or Fat Bi*** cot/truck


----------



## NomadicMedic (Sep 27, 2015)

When moving older obese patients we called it the "very Bari Geri ferry".

Or, "the pig rig".

Insensitive bastids, we were.


----------



## NTXFF (Oct 8, 2015)

"County show engine 1 on scene we've got a 1000 sq foot chicken coop fully involved show engine 1 out on fire attack."
"Engine 1 has chicken coop command."
County laughing over the radio " received chicken coop command."
Mutual aid engine for water. "We're bringin the tater salad so make sure you cook them up good."


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## jwoods (Oct 9, 2015)

A34 send PD, we got a street walking ***** chasing a guy with a screwdriver


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## Traumawaffles (Oct 24, 2015)

I happen to have heard it perfectly, "10-foreskin"


----------



## EMT Punter (Jun 5, 2016)

Ambulance 0000 be in route to #### for a 14 yo male with powerful magnets clamped on penis. Be advised mother stated she could not get them off.


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## OnceAnEMT (Jun 6, 2016)

EMT Punter said:


> Ambulance 0000 be in route to #### for a 14 yo male with powerful magnets clamped on penis. Be advised mother stated she could not get them off.



Looks like someone needs the jaws of life.

~80's porn beat~


----------



## AcadianExplorer1910 (Jul 3, 2016)

emtcboots said:


> Me: "Communications, send LEO to intersection of hwy 70 and pedestrian crosswalk. The big, giant pedestrian crosswalk"
> Dispatch: "10-4, can we request a reason why?"
> Me: "Patient fled unit at stop sign"
> Dispatch: "Are you saying that the patient jumped out of the truck at the stop sign?"
> ...


we had a few psych patients do that


----------



## cruiseforever (Jul 6, 2016)

Code 2 to a pt. complaining twitching in their butt cheeks.


----------



## Underoath87 (Jul 7, 2016)

cruiseforever said:


> Code 2 to a pt. complaining twitching in their butt cheeks.



I've always wondered what that "anal spasms" impression box was for in ePCR...


----------



## RedAirplane (Jul 7, 2016)

My first time overseeing a special event, I said something stupid:

"Attention all teams, security is responding to report of a fight near the entrance, please shelter in place and return to base immediately. Standby for roll call. Team 1 ..."

The question then became... should they shelter in place or return to base? :O


----------



## fishyfish (Jul 14, 2016)

Tired of this S***,  Dispatch goes be advised ******* county units open mic.


----------



## Jim37F (Aug 3, 2016)

Overheard this little gem of an exchange over the fire radio...
[Engine company enroute to a public assist call]: "(Dispatch), Engine (XYZ), am I reading the text on this call correctly? There's a cat on the porch??"
(Dispatch): "Engine XYZ, that's affirmative, caller is requesting fire department assistance"
(Engine) "Uh, copy....is this like a lion or something??" (More than a little incredulousnes in the Captains voice)
(Dispatch) "You're text just says 'cat'"
(Engine)"...copy"


----------



## StCEMT (Aug 3, 2016)

Jim37F said:


> Overheard this little gem of an exchange over the fire radio...
> [Engine company enroute to a public assist call]: "(Dispatch), Engine (XYZ), am I reading the text on this call correctly? There's a cat on the porch??"
> (Dispatch): "Engine XYZ, that's affirmative, caller is requesting fire department assistance"
> (Engine) "Uh, copy....is this like a lion or something??" (More than a little incredulousnes in the Captains voice)
> ...


Why does that even get dispatched? The only response to that should be "that's nice dear" *click*


----------



## CALEMT (Aug 3, 2016)

Jim37F said:


> Overheard this little gem of an exchange over the fire radio...
> [Engine company enroute to a public assist call]: "(Dispatch), Engine (XYZ), am I reading the text on this call correctly? There's a cat on the porch??"
> (Dispatch): "Engine XYZ, that's affirmative, caller is requesting fire department assistance"
> (Engine) "Uh, copy....is this like a lion or something??" (More than a little incredulousnes in the Captains voice)
> ...



Good ole LACo.


----------



## dutemplar (Aug 5, 2016)

Jim37F said:


> Overheard this little gem of an exchange over the fire radio...
> [Engine company enroute to a public assist call]: "(Dispatch), Engine (XYZ), am I reading the text on this call correctly? There's a cat on the porch??"
> (Dispatch): "Engine XYZ, that's affirmative, caller is requesting fire department assistance"
> (Engine) "Uh, copy....is this like a lion or something??" (More than a little incredulousnes in the Captains voice)
> ...



The nice thing about Qatar,...  I had left work and drove the other way about an hour before this.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2016/mar/08/tiger-loose-on-qatar-highway-video

The most amusing thing from home was politically incorrect.  One chief placing the medic unit in service, no injuries, return the box.  The medic keying up and advising they had double entrapment and requesting an expedite on the rescue as well as a helicopter.  Chief telling County to standby...  Medic requesting County for PSP to drug test the chief, "I think he's smoking crack."

I was yelled at for saying that...


----------



## Adam Doll (Nov 30, 2016)

This is more of a "did they really just say that" moment than funny.

I had a dispatcher state and I quote "pt appears retarded". I couldn't imagine what this particular dispatcher was thinking but she isn't the brightest crown in the box either.


----------



## Underoath87 (Nov 30, 2016)

Adam Doll said:


> she isn't the brightest crown in the box either.



Are crowns normally kept in boxes?  I'd rather wear mine, or at least display it...


----------



## Adam Doll (Nov 30, 2016)

Wow total brain fart. crayon*


----------



## OnceAnEMT (Nov 30, 2016)

Adam Doll said:


> Wow total brain fart. crayon*



That or you spells it how youssays it. "Crown" works in some states


----------



## NPO (May 13, 2017)

"having a seizure, having trouble walking"

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Medic27 (Aug 10, 2017)

Please note the dispatchers in this rural area are stupider than a light bulb and the dispatch management isn't any better.

Dispatcher: "Medic 1 please respond to (address) for a ground level fall 28 year old male code blue."
Medic 1" Just confirming, 28 year old male code blue ground level fall, any other information on the patient?"
Dispatcher: Patient is complaining of pain in their lower back...

What the ****? Come on, she didn't even know what a code blue was but she said it because it sounded right... My God.. That's the most stupid one ever.


----------



## NPO (Aug 13, 2017)

BLS: Dispatch, unit, we have a walker at station 1.
Dispatch: Affirmative. We're on the phone with PD

Walker may not be a universal term, so I'll explain. It comes from the walking dead, obviously, and refers to chronic drug users who have completely fried their brains that they simply wanted around like zombies, often flailing and talking to themselves. Not something I'd expect to hear on the radio. 

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Gemma Beauchamp (Aug 28, 2017)

Coming home from an airlift call when our chief told everyone on the road that there was a suicidal elk and to watch out for it.


----------



## Olin (Feb 8, 2018)

I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread over the past few days. I have a couple that may be interesting. I’m a park ranger and mainly deal with LEO dispatch.

Dispatch: 1 Adam, trespass at x street. Neighbor in yard stealing apples from tree.

1 Adam: in route

2 Adam: attach me to the trespass

3 Adam: add me to that call

4 Adam: attach me to the trespass and show me in route.

( This was entertaining as I pictured 4 cop cars racing toward the apple thief. It was a very slow morning).

——-

Dispatch: 1 Adam, Wildlife call at x street for an injured deer in the road way.

I happened to be coming up to the scene, so I gave my report and stated that I’d be putting the animal down.

Me: cancel this dispatch, the animal left the scene.

Road Sargent: we’ll let you know if he shows up at the ER.


----------



## squirrel15 (Feb 9, 2018)

Olin said:


> I’ve really enjoyed reading this thread over the past few days. I have a couple that may be interesting. I’m a park ranger and mainly deal with LEO dispatch.
> 
> Dispatch: 1 Adam, trespass at x street. Neighbor in yard stealing apples from tree.
> 
> ...


Are you sure it was apples and not lemons?


----------



## Olin (Feb 19, 2018)

I don’t get the reference, but I can picture this on Benny Hill.


----------



## AZEMSPRO (Feb 20, 2018)

RedAirplane said:


> I didn't figure it out for a while either. My EMT instructor kept talking about using PASTE for SOB patients. I had fun using my imagination with that one.


*SOB:* Shortness of Breath.
*Provoke:* Find out whether any external factor such as movement is making the situation better or worse.
*Associated Chest Pain:* This will elicit descriptions of the patient’s pain in and around chest area.
*Sputum production (color):* Is the patient coughing up sputum. Mucus-like sputum can be an indication of infection or any problem in respiratory system
*Talking & Tiredness:* Is the patient talking with you? Is he/she feeling tired? If the patient is not talking or responding to your voice, perform CPR immediately.
*Exacerbation:* Check whether the condition of the patient is worsening with time.


----------



## mantree (Mar 7, 2018)

Sitting in my office with radio on on the desk 

Dispatch:  unit *** uncoded medical mid 50s male south transit center respond channel 5.

Unit:  ETOH?

Dispatch:  (dead key) probably.


And yes it was a frequent flyer ETOH when they arrived in my ED.


----------



## mantree (Apr 15, 2018)

Not radio but tracker board in my ED we had a CC of "injected a lot of meth"  that is a direct quote.


----------



## M40oz (Oct 2, 2018)

Overheard a radio call on the scanner BLS to Hosp. for an elderly Pt trip and fall
The emt sounded brand new at radio reports
Hospital asked if the Pt is on any blood thinners to which the emt replies:
Yes, he took 4mg of Tylenol

During a transport to the e.r. I couldn't get a hold of the radio nurse for roughly 10 minutes. Meanwhile another unit was also attempting to get a hold of them. The cct nurse on the other unit ended up giving me a whole radio thinking I was the radio nurse


----------



## johnrsemt (Oct 3, 2018)

I have had other units give me radio reports; because they thought I was the hospital;  When I finally got in touch with the hospital I gave them both reports.  It confuses the hospital; but keeps a crew from getting yelled at.


----------



## MSDeltaFlt (Mar 20, 2019)

"Unit XYZ.  10-8 Priority 2 to  123 Smith St for a 65 year old male states he can't see.  Says he'll be waiting for EMS on the porch."

"On the porch?  How does he know?"


----------



## Tx1Nguyen (Jun 5, 2019)

Not in EMS, but when I was working armed security. My partner was watching porn unaware that he was keyed up. Safe to say that was his last night with the company.


----------



## Phillyrube (Sep 7, 2019)

Tx1Nguyen said:


> Not in EMS, but when I was working armed security. My partner was watching porn unaware that he was keyed up. Safe to say that was his last night with the company.


A friend of mine sat on her Mic in her car one day while explaining the facts of life to her daughter.

Before trunked systems, not uncommon for someone to get a helium balloon and talk on the Mic.

Get toned,out for a working fire, the crew asks for lead in. Someone else keys up and says head for the tower of smoke


----------



## RedBlanketRunner (Oct 21, 2019)

08:00 coffee and our dynamic duo was partnered.
"^&*(()*&^$$&*  (^&%** **^&%"
Dispatch: Unit 1, please repeat.
"&*^&($)$&@#)$__&((*(^^&_)"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"*#%$)#& *^# responding."
Dispatch: Copy.
...
"&@%^$))*^&"
Dispatch: Unit one, please repeat.
"&^$#($*"
Dispatch: "Unit one, please repeat"
In the ER and listening to all this. After about 20 minutes the unit has apparently arrived at scene. More high speed unintelligible gibberish. ER requests them LL. Nurse taking the call looks confused. No radio miscoms, just ultra ultra hyper. 
The POD sorts the noise, advises then phone hung up he walks off, calling over his shoulder. "And see if you can slip those two some Demerol"

Late night, same POD on duty.  Doc turns around to, as he described, the original wild eyed maniac, waving a Bowie knife. Without missing a beat the doc turns around and starts opening the drug safe. Digging out a double handful he turns to the robber, "You want this all to go or you want some on board?"

I wore several hats at the hospital. I had faded back from the ambulance scene and NA, and was working electronics, helping install a new patient monitoring system in ICU. I heard the call of an incoming code blue and just naturally went on down to the ER. In comes the patient and the EMT on the chest is obviously green and not doing the job. The Sup spotted me and "take compressions". So I bumped the EMT. It was one of those fades. Nearly all artifacts and an occasional lousy QRS. We were on him hot. My buddy, RT sup on the airway. My fav ER doc calling. Pick it up... slow it down, had me take compressions up to 120 and nada. Fade. Defibs caused more artifacts. A little frustrating. RT was monitoring the carotid, getting my compressions, but it slowly went flat line. Code finally called, 35 minutes.
Then a week later and the EMS review came storming in. They confronted Admin then the entire crowd descended on the ER. They got close to up in his face on the ER doc, the same, and demanded an explanation. *Why was a maintenance mech listed on that code?! *  No doubt visions of a wrongful death suit open and shut looming.
The doc looked at the report. "Oh! Him? He's my CPR instructor."
(I was EMT II, ACLS cert, and an AHA CPR instructors instructor at that time)

That same doc needed to recert his CPR. He grabbed me as I was going through the ER and told me. I verbally gave him a man down scenario on the spot. "So there he is on the gurney, apparently checked out. What do you do."
Doc didn't miss a beat. "Call a code. You guys are much better at that than me."
Passed.

*Red light fever*
Dispatch: _(Substation) we have a fire reported at (location)_.
We had a captain at that substation who had earned the nickname Iceman very early in his career for a very obvious reason.
Mic is keyed. A solid 5 second pause then _"Dispatch..."_ five seconds more, _"(substation)"_, ten to fifteen seconds pass then _"Yup."_ Another 5+ seconds and finally, _"It's going pretty good......... I can see it from here."_


----------



## luke_31 (Oct 22, 2019)

RedBlanketRunner said:


> 08:00 coffee and our dynamic duo was partnered.
> "^&*(()*&^$$&*  (^&%** **^&%"
> Dispatch: Unit 1, please repeat.
> "&*^&($)$&@#)$__&((*(^^&_)"
> ...


Ok?


----------



## HAS29 (Nov 8, 2022)

So one day one of our members had to pick up one of our trucks at the shop and apparently the mechanic wasn't done...
This is what the whole county heard that day.  🙂

* Driver: *"uhh **** 232 is leaking something.

*ooperator 26: *"just stay there I'm on my way."

*Driver: *oh **** the whole truck smells like **** from whatever the **** is coming out from underneath. I don't know what the **** to do!"

*chief of police in the dispatch center:*

"232 from central... That's not proper radio etiquette."


----------



## M3dicalR3dn3ck (Nov 30, 2022)

Can I count things I've said on the radio?


----------



## ffemt8978 (Dec 1, 2022)

M3dicalR3dn3ck said:


> Can I count things I've said on the radio?


Only if it doesn't involve wanting those posts deleted at a later date.


----------



## IsraelEMS (Dec 2, 2022)

Not on the radio but we had a death certification (he had been dead for many hours before we came) and the trainee asked if we should take his bp to be sure.


----------



## OrthoHypo (Dec 6, 2022)

My service is heavily reliant on cell phones so these things rarely happen. Luckily, dispatchers still exist.

Deez Patcho: "Unit B41, what is your status?"

Partner: "Dispatch, this is B41. We're charting this last call right now. Is it alright if we get lunch after?" (we get a 40min break every shift)

DP: "Yeah, that works"

*90 seconds later*

DP: "B41, what is your status?"

Me: "Just wrapping up this report and getting a bite to eat"

DP: *hangs up*


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## M3dicalR3dn3ck (Dec 6, 2022)

ffemt8978 said:


> Only if it doesn't involve wanting those posts deleted at a later date.


Luckily it doesn't 😎

One time returning to the service area:
"113…The boys are back in town"

Another time going out west:
"113 is westbound and down"

Best thing I've ever said on the radio (different unit):
"117 en route from Rib Crib"


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