# Updated rules of EMS



## titmouse (Feb 2, 2013)

Saw this on FB, figured you might get a kick lol

65 rules you should know in EMS..

1. Skin sign tells all.
2. Truly sick people don't complain.
3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round; any variation on this is a bad thing.
4. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are.
5. If you drop the baby, pick it up.
6. When dealing with patients/supervisors/citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
7. All bleeding stops...eventually.
8. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.
9. If the child is quiet, be scared.
10. Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.
11. If someone dies by chemical hazards/electrical shock/other on-scene danger, it should be the patient, not you.
12. There will be problems.
13. You can't cure stupid.
14. Somethings only a good autopsy will cure.
15. If it's wet and sticky, and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!
16. Heaven protects fools and drunks.
17. The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.
18. Paramedics save lives, but it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.
19. If a patient vomits, be sure to aim it at the bystanders that wouldn't back up.
20. If you don't have it, don't give up. Improvise, Adapt, Overcome, then call for a 2nd unit.
21. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, someone is missing.
22. If it's stupid but it works, then it ain't stupid.
23. The important things are alway simple, and the simple things are always hard.
24. When it comes to needles, 'tis better to give than to receive.
25. Most of your patients are healthier than you.
26. The address is never clearly marked.
27. Asystole is a very stable rhythm.
28. If the patient looks sick, then the patient is sick
29. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then they are not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says.
30. Patients that crash in seperate vehicles should be transported in seperate vehicles.
31. Just because someone is fully immobilized doesn't mean they can't be violent
32. Always know when to get out of Dodge
33. Always know how to get out of Dodge
34. Don't go into Dodge without the Marshall
35. Always answer a newbie's question (you asked them once, too)
36. Always honor a threat
37. When responding to a call, remember your ambulance was built by the lowest bidder.
38. Pain never killed anyone
39. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature
40. Training is learning the rules, experience is learning the exceptions
41. The god "Motorola" desires sacrifices of hot food at least once a shift
42. The stereo must always be louder than the siren
43. The lights flash and the siren yells, but nothing to get rid of this putrid smell
44. Always assume that any physician on scene is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise, except during a OB/GYN call...then they're a Podiatrist.
45. There is no such thing as a "textbook" case
46. Just because someone's license date is before yours doesn't mean they know what they're doing
47. Turrent mounted machine guns would work better than lights or sirens.
48. Sometimes it's easier to beg forgiveness than get permission
49. They said, "Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled, and sure enough, things got worse.
50. EMT's are taught the man with the gun is the man in charge (law enforcement). WRONG! When the fire department is on scene, the man with the nozzle is the man in charge. That charged hose will send you farther down the street and hurt more before the cop even begins to think about shooting you.
51. PVC's can be eliminated by sending a strip to the hospital.
52. Simple ETOH test: Hold your hands about 6 inches apart with the thumb and index fingers touching. Then ask the patient what color is the string you are holding. If they indicate a color, it is a positive test. 
53. Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
54. No matter how bad the politics get, the doors go up and the trucks go out.
55. If the patient has been moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.

56. All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, without regard to the time.
Corollary 1: Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2: Always order food to go. 
57. "You're supposed to say CLEAR, damn it!!!"
58. If you ever find law enforcement out on the front lawn laughing, WORRY.

59. Upon arrival at a code, check your own pulse first; if it is still there, everything else is easy.

60. There will be no dying or multiplying in the back of my ambulance. Death and birth happen on scene or at the hospital.

61. When in doubt, remember the patient is sick and your ambulance has wheels...USE THEM!

62. It's not our emergency, it's the patient's.

63. If your patient is violent, you can always use O2 Therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).

64. You should always stop CPR after the second, "Ouch!" from your patient.

65. Supervisors become that because they won't be missed in the field.


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## Household6 (Feb 2, 2013)

You really can aim vomit.. It surprises me every time how hot some else's vomit is when it hits my skin.. "Whoa, that's warm" is always the first thing that goes through my head.. It always seems to hit my neck and go down my bra. :glare:


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## Handsome Robb (Feb 2, 2013)

Household6 said:


> You really can aim vomit.. It surprises me every time how hot some else's vomit is when it hits my skin.. "Whoa, that's warm" is always the first thing that goes through my head.. It always seems to hit my neck and go down my bra. :glare:



If you're routinely getting vomit on yourself you're doing it wrong.  

This overall is pretty amusing but there's some things in here I don't agree with at all and some of the statements are downright asinine and not funny in the least but to each their own.


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## Household6 (Feb 2, 2013)

I have five children, Robb.. :rofl: My favorite is when they come into my room at night, get real close to my head, and say, "Mom, I think I'm gonna--- BLAAARGHHH"....


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## mycrofft (Feb 4, 2013)

*Ha!*

35. Always answer a newbie's question (you asked them once, too)

And she/he may spot something you missed.


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## hibiti87 (Feb 4, 2013)

a nice one to add. 

If you see your co workers on the news. They owe you ice cream.


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