# Worst Call you've ever gotten ?



## Ped101

As we get hilarious calls and awesome, we sometimes get the worst of the worst


Mine was about two months ago, in a saturday night @ 2 A.M, we get called to a fire in a house with chidren trapped inside of it

We get there and the FF's are putting out the fire, the house burned to the grounds and they said that there was nothing to do, however we needed to confirm the death, 

Thats when two policemen signal us to a place where the bodies of a 3 year old and a 5 year old lay there, completely burned 


That one took my sleep for a couple of days


----------



## MayEMT

*wow*

im sorry ped101, thats a horrible story

i had my first bad trauma the other day... a 1& 1/2 year old was accidently ran over by his aunt...  the tire only ran over his head and his skull was wide open with brain matter falling out in chunks... it didnt even look real. it was such chaos on scene. the only thing that came out good from that was that he became an organ donor


----------



## firecoins

I have had many traumas.  Nothing as bad as mentioned but bad none the less.


----------



## Epi-do

I've had a little boy that was struck by a car and the back of his skull was crushed.  That was several years ago.  A couple years ago, we had a little girl that was mauled by a dog and her arm was barely attached to her shoulder.  Surprisingly, surgeons were able to save it, and she has use of it.

In general, the peds calls are the hardest for me.  Fortunately, there haven't been alot of bad ones over the past 10 years for me.


----------



## Shishkabob

Havnt done much, but the one with the most profound impact on me was;

Tx of a 40ish lady
Severe mental retardation
G-tube
J-tube
Contractures
Status Epiliticus
Diabetes
Blindness
Severe spastic quadriplegia


All from birth.


Just looking at her made me think about my views on a few controversial subjects.


----------



## medic417

This has been discussed many times.  A search will bring up many calls that have caused some sleepless nights.


----------



## DrankTheKoolaid

*re*

The phone call that says your relief is not coming in and your going to have to stay another 24 hours..........


----------



## medic417

Corky said:


> The phone call that says your relief is not coming in and your going to have to stay another 24 hours..........



I hate even more when you realize you've had no sleep for 48 hours and even worse you haven't been able to stop, wash, and put on clean underwear.:blink:


----------



## gicts

What a nasty thread


----------



## 46Young

One of the reasons I left Charleston County EMS was the fairly frequent forced OT, typically for 12-24 hours after your busy 24 already. It's dangerous to hold personnel for that long, both on the road, and for pt care. NYC has a 16 hour cap on consecutive work hours in EMS for those very reasons. Fairfax County draws the line at 36 hours. You guys need a union. My worst call was treating a mangled dude who leaned over to look for the train(#7, Roosevelt Ave at Junction Blvd in Queens), leaned too far, and fell down to the tracks. A/P eyewitness, he appeared drunk, and couldn't get back up in time. There wasn't really much left to him, but we don't have authority to pronounce without working the pt, unless obvious signs of death were present. Once you start working the pt, you're basically stuck until you reach the hosp, in a trauma situation. FF's began CPR while packaging the pt, so we had to continue after receiving the pt. Typically, pts along this line will be pushed past the station, where there is no platform beneath the tracks. Then, you're searching the street below for limbs and other assorted body parts. Tied for second worst are transporting a pt with a perfed colostomy, and the 1 week plus dead person in an apt, in summer, with no AC.


----------



## Epi-do

46Young said:


> and the 1 week plus dead person in an apt, in summer, with no AC.



Please tell me you worked for a company that was responsible for doing body transports for the coroner, something similar.  I can't think of any other reason, what so ever, to put that person inside the back of my truck.


----------



## willbeflight

Epi-do said:


> Please tell me you worked for a company that was responsible for doing body transports for the coroner, something similar.  I can't think of any other reason, what so ever, to put that person inside the back of my truck.




Buncombe County does transports of bodies here in WNC.  :wacko:


----------



## Ridryder911

If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough. 

R/r 911


----------



## Ped101

Ridryder911 said:


> If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough.
> 
> R/r 911




eeeerrmm..... not really... got partners that have been doing this for 15 years and can still recall their worse call


----------



## VentMedic

Ped101 said:


> eeeerrmm..... not really... got partners that have been doing this for 15 years and can still recall their worse call


 
The one they recall may not actually have been the worst.  Rather it may be the one they remember because of the location, patient resembling a family member, type of car, smell or some other sensory triggering mechanism that puts it into vivid memory storage.


----------



## Ped101

But doesn't that make it the worst call for them? The thread asks about the personal worse calls


Mine was the two burned to death kids because, well they were kids

But the most intesne trauma call i got was yersteday, skull fx. Femur fx. Exposed humerus fx. cephallic mass exposure, 


Not the worse call, but the most intense


----------



## Ped101

oh, not to mention hipovolemic and neurological shock


----------



## B.K.

peds are always tough cases to deal with


----------



## Sasha

Ped101 said:


> oh, not to mention hipovolemic and neurological shock



Hipovolemic shock?? Where did you get the hippo!?


----------



## medic417

Sasha said:


> Hipovolemic shock?? Where did you get the hippo!?



Does he work at a zoo?


----------



## VentMedic

Ped101 said:


> But doesn't that make it the worst call for them? The thread asks about the personal worse calls
> 
> 
> Mine was the two burned to death kids because, well they were kids
> 
> But the most intesne trauma call i got was yersteday, skull fx. Femur fx. Exposed humerus fx. cephallic mass exposure,
> 
> 
> Not the worse call, but the most intense


 
I've seen many traumas, burns and have done several end of life withdrawals on all ages, including infants, and those I may remember but not to ever say they were the worst.

I remember calls like an active elderly lady who fractures her hip and is crying quietly all the way to the hospital. Those I remember because I know what lies ahead for her. I may also be around when they tell her she will never go home again and her pets have been put in the county shelter to be euthanized since they are too old to be adopted. Those are my memorable patient care days. Her tears I may remember for a long time. Unfortunately there have been many elderly people that fit this description that I have met throughout the years. 

The calls that I know will change the life of someone, who is still alive, forever and the healing process the whole family will go through are the ones I remember the most. Sometimes I remember them because they might have a good outcome but many will not. Those that have died will leave their families to grieve but the patient's pain will be no more.


----------



## Ped101

Sasha said:


> Hipovolemic shock?? Where did you get the hippo!?



a mere typo there sasha

Hypovolemic shock


----------



## Ped101

And yes, Vent, precisely that was my point, our worse calls may not be the bloody trauma patient that is squirting arterial blood everywhere


but as you said, the elderly lady type of calls are the worse, because they get to you on a personal level


----------



## PapaBear434

My very first call after being released.  It was an 8 month old in cardiac arrest.  The kid was a day older than my own 8 month old.

I was ok with it, as I didn't put myself in that place.  It wouldn't do me or the patients later in the day any good for my brain to be elsewhere.  But intellectually, it was pretty rough.


----------



## chadwick

*Worst call*

We were called out for a man who had fallen in the shower, not responding. We sent two units per protocol for unresponsive patients. We got on scene and found a 22 year old guy that I had went to school with from kindergarten to high school graduation. To quote Ron White, "We'd met". He was in the bath tub, cold, in asystole but he was in cold, running water so we worked it under the "your not dead until you are warm and dead" EMS rule. I was leaning over to start mouth to mouth when someone came in and threw the ambu bag and hit me with it. I have never been tempted to do mouth to mouth ever. I usually switch out doing compressions to keep from getting tired but I kept going until we got about a mile from the hospital because I couldn't catch my breath and was seeing stars. We worked it for approx. 35 minutes in the ambulace. We moved him over to the ER bed and I just went out the ambulance entrance sat down and sobbed. I cried like a baby. I know its not my emergency but there was no professional distance left. He was pronounced dead, the family made the decision to donate his organs. I think everyone has that one call or a few calls that are just so bad that you remember them.


----------



## DawnParr

Since i am starting school in a month i have not been on a call, or any of that... however when i was in high school an ex of mine and i were going on a date and turned onto this road that had two other cars stopped and a man just laying in the road.  So we stopped and the man was still breathing when we got there.  He had been hit by a car which left the scene and two other people plus us just found him there.  The Dominos that was right there didn't even know it happened, no squealing tires, no screaming, no nothing.  well he was dead by the time we talked to the cops and they wrote our statements... not to mention the first dead person i have ever seen.  I don't think i will ever forget that.


----------



## Seaglass

VentMedic said:


> I may also be around when they tell her she will never go home again and her pets have been put in the county shelter to be euthanized since they are too old to be adopted.



My area is very, very lucky to have a no-kill shelter that will make room somehow for all sorts of desperate cases. I keep their number around. 

Abuse and neglect calls are the worst for me, especially since child/elder protective services are way too overwhelmed to do much of anything. I've seen one disabled patient in the late stages of starvation because he couldn't feed himself and the family didn't care. The details still give me bad dreams.


----------



## medic417

medic417 said:


> I hate even more when you realize you've had no sleep for 48 hours and even worse you haven't been able to stop, wash, and put on clean underwear.:blink:



Yup still the worst.


----------



## 62_derick

This doesn't really pertain to a story on the emt side only because I am fresh new emt. but however it was a sad story for me. 

I was with my vol. fire company and we got called out for a ems assist with our ambulance company on a cardiac arrest. We had a full crew on our squad truck but no EMT's, we were all certified in cpr/aed. We got on scene and found the patient unconscious on the bed. The pulse was checked and one was supposedly found. We moved her to the floor and I started CPR. The emts arrived and they ended up terminating the cpr. The emts said she had profuse lividity and she didnt have a chance. 

Needless to say it was my first time doing cpr on a real patient other then the plastic kind, so it was a little rough to deal with. Probably rougher then being on the few class 5 MVA's.

Thanks for listening.


----------



## HotelCo

62_derick said:


> This doesn't really pertain to a story on the emt side only because I am fresh new emt. but however it was a sad story for me.
> 
> I was with my vol. fire company and we got called out for a ems assist with our ambulance company on a cardiac arrest. We had a full crew on our squad truck but no EMT's, we were all certified in cpr/aed. We got on scene and found the patient unconscious on the bed. The pulse was checked and one was supposedly found. We moved her to the floor and I started CPR. The emts arrived and they ended up terminating the cpr. The emts said she had profuse lividity and she didnt have a chance.
> 
> Needless to say it was my first time doing cpr on a real patient other then the plastic kind, so it was a little rough to deal with. Probably rougher then being on the few class 5 MVA's.
> 
> Thanks for listening.



If a pulse was "supposedly found" why did you start CPR?


----------



## 62_derick

My luietenit checked her pulse said she had one so we put her to the floor and applied the aed and then there was no pulse! That was the pertanit information that I didn't add! Sorry about that!


----------



## DV_EMT

worst call....


a few nights ago... it was my fiancee... 

I wasn't "responding" to the call as it just happened in my presence... i took vitals, had 911 on the phone, and spent the night in the ER. Not fun and very scary


----------



## mycrofft

*I think I've brought mine all up already.*

My "worst calls" are sort of like the Academy Awards, they come in categories:

Worst goofup.
Worst trauma.
Most heartbreaking.
Scariest/most dangerous.
Most horrendous but required treatment.
Nastiest.
Just plain "most sad".

:sad:


----------



## usafmedic45

> If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough.



I respectfully disagree, as I still argue that the accident that killed three of my friends will stick with me until the day I die especially given that I was supposed to be in the truck with them if I had not stayed late to cover for a coworker whose babysitter cancelled on her at the last minute.  It's the day I use to divide my life into two periods:  before that day and after.  



> The one they recall may not actually have been the worst. Rather it may be the one they remember because of the location, patient resembling a family member, type of car, smell or some other sensory triggering mechanism that puts it into vivid memory storage.



Could not agree more VentMedic.  To give a very odd example, the smell of freshly cut grass triggers some very unpleasant memories for me.


----------



## atropine

The worst calls are when you can't get medical, or medicare to pay.


----------



## JeffDHMC

Rolling domestic, mom got out of the car with 4 yoa daughter, BF went around the block and came back for her. She tossed the baby clear and he ran mom down, went around the block again and got the little girl. Called mom on scene, baby was agonal so she went with us, called after about 30 min in the ED. Never did catch he guy.


----------



## JeffDHMC

Ridryder911 said:


> If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough.
> 
> R/r 911



Wow, a topic I can disagree with Rid on and be fully confident that I am right. 17 years of high volume love and I can promise that I remember.


----------



## BuddingEMT

We got called to a residence where a man had put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. There wasn't much left of his head. The person who found him like that? His 9 year old son.

I feel so bad for that kid. I have a feeling he'll remember that moment for the rest of his life.


----------



## Scout

Ridryder911 said:


> If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough.
> 
> R/r 911




Disagree, well to an extent. Your worse call will be very subjective, I doubt many people here will put the most vial or gruesome call in as their worse but one that has struck them on a personal level.


For me it was one of my earlier call 105yo lady pushed over by some local kids running. # pelvis but it was the realization after that she most likely wouldn't be getting out of hospital and her pet dog would have to be put down and all that ensues. She went from fully mobile to a sack of nothing in a bed.


That would rate more for me than suicides, MVC, or many of the other calls.

I'm sure a #pelvis is not my worst call but is one I keep going back to.


----------



## el Murpharino

usafmedic45 said:


> the smell of freshly cut grass triggers some very unpleasant memories for me.



Phosgene?


Worst call...The telemarketer who called me during dinner the other night.  I was starving and he interrupted a perfectly cooked steak.  Next time he gets the 'Arnold' soundboard...


----------



## usafmedic45

> Phosgene?



No....I'd really just rather not talk about it.  Suffice to say it's one of those incidental smells that had nothing to do with what had happened and simply with where it happened, if that makes any sense.


----------



## el Murpharino

usafmedic45 said:


> No....I'd really just rather not talk about it.  Suffice to say it's one of those incidental smells that had nothing to do with what had happened and simply with where it happened, if that makes any sense.



It makes sense to me

Kind of like certain perfumes make me think of an ex-girlfriend...but I digress


----------



## Sasha

Had the crappiest call ever tonight. 

I transported a patient that I had gotten to know very well at my former service. She was not in good shape, but she was the sweetest, independant, most thoughtful and most positive women I have ever met. We took her to dialysis twice a week and I had visited her a few times even after I left that company.

Today we transported her on a vent from one hospital to another.

A beautiful and lively woman now sedated and looking like death. It really sucked. I wanted to cry for her.


----------



## HokieEMT

My worst was a cardiac arrest where he didnt make it, but then it was trumped a couple weeks later.

My friend's mom had gotten metastasized breast cancer again and we all knew she wasn't doing too well.  We were sitting watching TV one day when his dad who is on the career side calls and tells my friend his mom has to go to the hospital so we got out of service on a detail.  We go to his house and his mom had been having abdominal pains and was vomiting that morning.  I didn't really see my friends face until we got in the unit and I could tell it was tearing him up inside,but he was putting on a straight face.  We took in and all.  She never returned home.  She passed away a couple weeks later.  That

That was my worse call because I knew how bad my friend was feeling.  Thats a call I will remember till the day i die.  It wasn't bloody, gruesome, medically interesting, just straight up sad.


----------



## MrBrown

suicides or attempts


----------



## kittaypie

MrBrown said:


> suicides or attempts




those get to me more than any other call.


----------



## Akulahawk

usafmedic45 said:


> No....I'd really just rather not talk about it.  Suffice to say it's one of those incidental smells that had nothing to do with what had happened and simply with where it happened, if that makes any sense.


That makes perfect sense to me. It's a sensory-linked memory.


Sasha said:


> Had the crappiest call ever tonight.
> 
> I transported a patient that I had gotten to know very well at my former service. She was not in good shape, but she was the sweetest, independant, most thoughtful and most positive women I have ever met. We took her to dialysis twice a week and I had visited her a few times even after I left that company.
> 
> Today we transported her on a vent from one hospital to another.
> 
> A beautiful and lively woman now sedated and looking like death. It really sucked. I wanted to cry for her.


I know how that goes...


----------



## Mountain Res-Q

ANYTHING involving children who are innocent victims of the situation.

My Worst / More Memorible Ones:

Drugging/Sexual Assault of a 11 year old and the 3 hours I spent with her on transfer to a pediatric hospital... she didn't remember a thing and seemed so innocent... truely SAD...

The several child Drowning/Body Recoveries I have been on... my first SAR call was a helicopter recovery of a 12 y/o drowning victim that was submerged for 4 weeks in class 5 water before she was recovered... and that wasn't my last child recovery...

And the one that really got to me... Only time I have ever broke down (largely as a result of fatigue and the cirrcumstances that put me so close to a rescue, but made a recovery unavoidable)...  3 day high sierra search for a father of 2 little girls...  We had a picture of him and his family at the ICP (where I spent the final 12 hours of the call), an image that is still burned into my head...


----------



## usafmedic45

> she didn't remember a thing



I would consider that something of a blessing in an otherwise all around horrible case.  



> my first SAR call was a helicopter recovery of a 12 y/o drowning victim that was submerged for 4 weeks in class 5 water before she was recovered



One of my first pediatric body recoveries as a diver involved getting the snapping turtles off the body before we could do anything else.  Suffice to say I have nightmares about those critters and have a healthy respect for the damage they can do.


----------



## Mountain Res-Q

usafmedic45 said:


> I would consider that something of a blessing in an otherwise all around horrible case.



True.  Whether or not she ever remembered...  <sigh>



usafmedic45 said:


> One of my first pediatric body recoveries as a diver involved getting the snapping turtles off the body before we could do anything else.  Suffice to say I have nightmares about those critters and have a healthy respect for the damage they can do.



That same recovery... lets just say that the only reason she was located was because the water level dropped...  and a bear beat us to the remains...  again <deeper sigh>


----------



## dmc2007

Mountain Res-Q said:


> ANYTHING involving children who are innocent victims of the situation.



Worst for me was watching our patient get arrested in front of her three year old son for attacking his father with a knife.

That and my first motorcycle down-youll never catch me on one of those things.


----------



## Smash

dmc2007 said:


> That and my first motorcycle down-youll never catch me on one of those things.



Me neither. Patrol cars can't go that fast.


----------



## traumamama

MY WORST CALL RECENTLY. THE DAY BEFORE FATHERS DAY LAST YEAR. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND FELLOW EMT WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE DAY. HER 93 YEAR OLD FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A CLOSE FRIEND, SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. THE LAST THING HE HAD ASKED FOR WHEN SHE LEFT WAS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER. SHE TOLD HIM JUST TO CALL 911 IF HE GOT SICK. HE NEVER MADE THE CALL. I HAD TO CALL HER AND TELL HER THE AWFUL NEWS. HE WAS STILL ALIVE? IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT BUT HAD A DNR. I HAVE BEEN ON A MILLION BAD CALLS BOTH AS AN EMT AND A CORONER-THAT ONE HAD THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON ME:sad:


----------



## Tincanfireman

My agency responded to a reported drowning of a 2 year old. I was at the ER when the child was brought in, but not on the responding crew.  Unfortunately, the child was pronounced within ten minutes of arrival, mostly due to a >20 minute submergence. Since I was there, I offered to help the nursing staff who were cleaning the child up prior to the parents being brought back. I was cleaning up her face with a washrag and looked up for a second. When I looked down again, all I saw was the face of my (then) 3 year old granddaughter, instead of the deceased child's face. I closed my eyes quickly, took a deep breath and swore to myself that if it was still her face I was seeing when I opened my eyes, I would walk out of the ER and EMS forever.  Opening my eyes, I again saw the features of the deceased child, not my sweet granddaughter.  One particular young lady got the hug of her life when I got home that night, I can assure you...


----------



## nomofica

traumamama said:


> MY WORST CALL RECENTLY. THE DAY BEFORE FATHERS DAY LAST YEAR. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND FELLOW EMT WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE DAY. HER 93 YEAR OLD FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A CLOSE FRIEND, SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. THE LAST THING HE HAD ASKED FOR WHEN SHE LEFT WAS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER. SHE TOLD HIM JUST TO CALL 911 IF HE GOT SICK. HE NEVER MADE THE CALL. I HAD TO CALL HER AND TELL HER THE AWFUL NEWS. HE WAS STILL ALIVE? IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT BUT HAD A DNR. I HAVE BEEN ON A MILLION BAD CALLS BOTH AS AN EMT AND A CORONER-THAT ONE HAD THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON ME:sad:



WHY ARE YOU YELLING?!
Really, a fully-capitalized paragraph isn't necessary is mostly annoying.


My worst would have to be last month at the Big Valley Jamboree incident in Camrose, Alberta. Lifting speakers, lights and other stage rigging equipment up and seeing the crushed, mangled body of a single mother of two. It was the worst I've seen in terms of gore, and it was the worst in terms of being on a personal level; I had met her earlier that day and she was was the nicest, most thoughtful lady I had ever met. That was pretty hard.


----------



## RescueYou

*8 horrible minutes*

I wasn't quite an EMT yet when this happened. I tested the next morning and passed so I was close to being cert. when this happened.
It was me, a Paramedic, and the driver (EMT-B.) It's around 2:30am on a Friday night. Dispatch sent us to an apartment building, top floor (6th floor), no elevator (ugh...) for a woman with shortness of breath. We get there, go up the stairs, only to find a 12yr old at the door who lead us to her grandmother who was lying supine on the living room floor. Arrest. NOT what we had planned for. So the poor driver ran down the strairs to get the AED while me and the Paramedic stayed upstairs (we'd brought the O2 bag...) We're working her when the 12yr old comes in from the other room and says "My sister is having a baby in the bedroom" just as calm as she could be. Well, with me not being certified to do anything except get vitals (local protocol), the paramedic stopped CPR on the grandmother and we ran into the next room. Sure enough, the young woman was in labor. Not just in labor though. She was crowning. 1 push later, we had a baby there. Well, bye bye grandma. She couldn't be brought back. Not enough hands or time. But the baby wasn't crying and so we had an issue there and just left grandma (*note, grandmother to the new baby, mother to the 12 yr old and new mom*). Also note that the driver EMT is still getting the AED bag. Well, after some cpr, the baby finally cried and we just got lucky the amniotic fluid wasn't too bad in his mouth because we had nothing to use to suction. The new mother was mentally disabled, but held up for us. I held onto the baby as we simply ran to the hospital and yelled to the EMT driver to stay with the deceased grandmother and 12 year old. After arriving at the hospital (which was RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET...talk about irony), we got the mother situated and were about to walk back over to the rig. The doctor then came out and told us that they had lost the baby. Turns out that the baby had been born without his kidneys and couldn't have made it. We went back into the hospital to see how the woman was doing after hearing that. All she could say was "I lost my mama and my baby in the same day...." over and over again. That was hard to hear and watch her say. 

That call still makes the top 10 list of the worst calls ever taken around here. I just can't believe I witnessed it and couldn't do a single thing.

What makes this call so intense is that from the time dispatch gave us the address to the time we first ran into the hospital, the time duration was EIGHT F***** MINUTES. Now _THAT_ is high stress.


----------



## Gold777

It sucks that these sort of things have to happen, but it isn't normal to have tragedy after tragedy happen either, and that is petty much our job.

But my worst one was actually last night, we got a call of person not breathing, when we got there we found out the person was a 3 month year old little girl. The grandparents fell asleep with it, and well u can guess what the result was. It wasn't my first, but at the same time you never get use to it.
STAY SAFE!!!!


----------



## firetender

*Worst?*

Worst comes and goes according to my mood or present situation. People always ask me what was my "worst" experience. I'll flick through my library of horror, and pick the one I figure will freak out the listener most!

Here's what I've learned: Horror comes in all shapes and sizes, textures, weights and, yes, even Non-forms.

There isn't any such thing as the worst, there can only be personal favorites at the time. If you really look at it, each of us has a potential "worser" that can happen in any moment. If anything, that's the lesson of this thread and its litany of nightmares. I read lots that could be my worst!

But it really doesn't stop there because the horrors are part of a greater Wonder! One summer, I kayaked a few sunsets a week in Santa Barbara. One evening I found myself in the middle of a sunset, bobbing in the swells, an occasional dolphin swimming by, and literally exclaiming to myself, "It can't get better than this!"

And it did! I swear to the Great Whatever, *the next ten sunsets I was in the middle of in a row*_ got better and better!_

It is my position that the degrees of horror that you're able to accept -- not fight, not succumb to, not deny or avoid -- will determine the amount of beauty you are able to experience.

This is actually a gift of the profession that has guided my life since.


----------



## ZVNEMT

firetender said:


> Worst comes and goes according to my mood or present situation. People always ask me what was my "worst" experience. I'll flick through my library of horror, and pick the one I figure will freak out the listener most!
> 
> Here's what I've learned: Horror comes in all shapes and sizes, textures, weights and, yes, even Non-forms.
> 
> There isn't any such thing as the worst, there can only be personal favorites at the time. If you really look at it, each of us has a potential "worser" that can happen in any moment. If anything, that's the lesson of this thread and its litany of nightmares. I read lots that could be my worst!
> 
> But it really doesn't stop there because the horrors are part of a greater Wonder! One summer, I kayaked a few sunsets a week in Santa Barbara. One evening I found myself in the middle of a sunset, bobbing in the swells, an occasional dolphin swimming by, and literally exclaiming to myself, "It can't get better than this!"
> 
> And it did! I swear to the Great Whatever, *the next ten sunsets I was in the middle of in a row*_ got better and better!_
> 
> It is my position that the degrees of horror that you're able to accept -- not fight, not succumb to, not deny or avoid -- will determine the amount of beauty you are able to experience.
> 
> This is actually a gift of the profession that has guided my life since.



I get what you mean, i work in the Detroit area, seen some stuff, but nothing really bad, but before i became an EMT, I just took alot of things for granted. Used to go up north for deer season every year, sit and wait for a deer, bored out of my mind. and just last year i went out, sat in my blind, and just felt so good to be away from Detroit and all the city B.S.. Got out of my blind and say near a tree instead to further immerse myself in nature, watched the sun rise, making the freshly fallen snow seem to glitter. the experience seemed so intense to me that i forgot to flick off the safety when a buck finally passed my way.:blush:

I don't really like talking about my worst call with people who weren't there... it was just a big clusterf***.. but i'll talk about it here. We're all sitting in the station watching a movie, most of us not even in uniform, meanwhile a city bus driver is pounding on the office door for help w/ a woman having a Sz on the bus. we get paged "somebody go out and check on this bus thing..." all 7 of us make a mass exodus to the bus. EMT#1 and i board the bus, find a large, but young woman lying in the middle of the floor. not breathing, call out to EMT#2 that she's not breathing, need O2. EMT#2 comes back with a nasal cannula. EMT#1 can't get a radial pulse or carotid pulse. at this time EMTs#3 & #4 show up with the canvas stretcher and help us move her on to it. We move her into the ambulance, hook her up to the pulse oximeter. it shows her around SpO2 60%ish w/ an inconsistent pulse reading as it bounces between 20-90. we are unsure if she has a pulse or not. perhaps due to her excess fat we just can't find the carotid pulse. EMT#1 checks for a pulse again, EMT#5 starts the ambulance, and then just leaves to stand in front of the building. EMT#4 jumps in the driver seat and tells us that we're going. EMT#6(is a completely incompetent whacker) is sitting at the head of the Pt, where i need to be to BVM her. EMT#6 then moves into the stepwell to watch, he is useless, i literally kick him out of the side door, and lock him out. EMT#7 didn't do anything but tell us what to do after we've begun doing it. Sepervisor#1 is yelling at EMT#5 because 3 of our 7 EMTs just left in that ambulance. en route, EMT#1 has started CPR, I'm on the BVM. EMT#4 got confused and missed the exit, reroutes to the next hospital, no distance difference really, but the code was called to Hosp#1. (all 7 EMTs and 1 supervisor totally forgot about the AED, which is locked up and the key is on the drivers key) We roll up to Hosp#2. the nurse who meets us wants to know if this is real. we look at eachother very confused, I inform the nurse that '_no... it's not real, we're pretending to perform CPR on a Pt who is pretending to be dead because we thought it would be funny._*YES, fatass, this is real!*". nurse sends us to resus room. they take over from there. time to fill out the paperwork. go through the Pt's purse to find an ID. i find it, along with a picture of 2 young children and a stack of GED prep books. the PT turns out to be a 27 y/o w/ 2 kids, working on a GED to try to get ahead in life. as i come to this conclusion they call it.


----------



## atropine

The ones when the patient doesnt pay.


----------



## medichopeful

traumamama said:


> MY WORST CALL RECENTLY. THE DAY BEFORE FATHERS DAY LAST YEAR. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS AND FELLOW EMT WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE DAY. HER 93 YEAR OLD FATHER, WHO WAS ALSO A CLOSE FRIEND, SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. THE LAST THING HE HAD ASKED FOR WHEN SHE LEFT WAS MY CELL PHONE NUMBER. SHE TOLD HIM JUST TO CALL 911 IF HE GOT SICK. HE NEVER MADE THE CALL. I HAD TO CALL HER AND TELL HER THE AWFUL NEWS. HE WAS STILL ALIVE? IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT BUT HAD A DNR. I HAVE BEEN ON A MILLION BAD CALLS BOTH AS AN EMT AND A CORONER-THAT ONE HAD THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON ME:sad:



What's with all the capitals?


----------



## paccookie

Ridryder911 said:


> If you can recall your worse call, you haven't been doing long enough.
> 
> R/r 911



I didn't really agree with this until about a week ago when I realized that most of my calls were starting to run together.  I've had my paramedic license since May and I've definitely had my share of "bad" calls, even a couple of high profile calls.  I'm not sure which one was the worst or how to compare them.  Some were medical, some were trauma.  It's tough to pinpoint which one was the absolute worst call.  There have been several that I will never forget.  The 7 month old that a tv fell on her head (she didn't make it).  The 20 year old near drowning victim (he did make it).  The community official who shot himself in the head but still had a pulse and agonal respirations (he didn't make it), the pedestrian hit by a car that had a head injury, right femoral neck fx, left midshaft femur fx, left open tib/fib fx and a pelvic ring fx (he made it), the diabetic with a blood glucose of "high" that also had a rapidly declining BP and LOC (he made it), the CHF'er with massive amounts of pulmonary edema (he didn't make it, family made him a DNR at the hospital).  I could go on, as I'm sure everyone here could.  I've had an interesting past few months.


----------



## mycrofft

*I had a bad exercise support assignment once....*

I let myself get into the middle of a micturition contest between my commander and the parent unit's commander.

Our medical unit had just gone through the Alpena Medical Combat Readiness course and our medical ORE (medical operational readiness exercise, actually an evaluation) so we didn't need another exercise. The parent unit commander wanted us there to both _*play*_ as medics, and to *be* medics.
I did that before, and it contributed to a death. I argued and my commander argued, so we deployed 1200 people including myself and two med techs to act as medical personnel. To avoid being utilized as "Real world" as well, lending confusion to our role, we were to carry no medical equipment.

Turns out no medical personnel were on the ADVON (site survey) team. Otherwise it would have been discovered that the base had not had a hospital since the Seventies and all they had was a clinic. No EMS capability to speak of, and no transport or field capability. Also, we had been written out of the scnarios, so we were basically "spooks", not even there.

Unknowing of that, and being , well, the way I am, I smuggled a couple cubic feet of supplies including our LMR's (walkie-talkies) and their support equip.

The following ensued:
1. One emember of the parent unit had a MI, was taken to the local receiving hospital where he was told he would have to be driven home (no flying), whereupon without consulting us he was loaded onto a Hercules and flown home. 
2. About a dozen members came down with influenza, requiring essentially taking turns on the clinic's exam tables getting IV's (for what, ??, never got treatment records) and tylenol before being sent back to their quarters.
3. The batteries ol the radios turned out to be worthless due to bad battery discipline (shallow recharges) on the part of the weekday techs.
4. We had the exercise commanding officer nearly pass out from positional asphyxia during MOPP4 (full chem suit and mask) doubled over in a desk kneehole.
5. We medics walked around as exempt obsevers and tried to prevent as much mayhem as we could, including a brand new airman who took cover in the exercise and was becoming hypothermic because he didn't have a coat on but stayed hidden behind a hangar.

We used half of the supplies and donated the rest to the clinic.

I vowed never to let myself get into a position again where the commander, looking at me and shaking his head, could again say "What the hell good are you guys here anyway?". (Paid off too. That's another story)/


----------



## Tyler Bruns

Not a call but my ED rotation.

Being a EMT-B student (Almost done!) I dont have any real experience other than my ED time so far. I get to the hospital 30mins early just to be on the safe side. Seconds after walking up to the nurses station a on staff tech tells me to follow him, they have a full arrest on the way in and they need me to do chest compressions. They bring in the PT who had gone down at home prior to EMS arrival. The on staff tech starts compressions then we switched out. I cracked ribs for the first time, got a systolic of 132 out of the PT. It was a pretty intense way to start out my EMS career.

Just wanted to share my story. I do my ride along this week. We'll see how that goes.


----------



## mycrofft

*Hang in there. Say HI to Daedalus.*

..Welcome..


----------



## texasemt19842002

The worst call i can remember was when i was 17 and on the volunteer fire department. We get paged out for a house fire at 2200 and its 30 degrees out.  As i pull up to the station the dispatcher said that a girl was missing and possibly inside. The chief told me jump in one of the grass truck he grabbed the tanker as we pull out people jump in the trucks. we arrive at the fire. Its fully engulfed no way inside. This was about 5 to 10 min after the pager went off. at 0100 the fire is out and were looking for the girl i was manning the line when the steam cleared, there she was. I can still see her today and that was eight years ago. I've now been in ems for 7 yrs.


----------



## atropine

the worst calls are when you have to do 12-leads on old fat ladies.^_^


----------



## firecoins

the worst call I ever had was someone with the cold.  It was an ambualtory patient who had several family members home with driver's licenses and several vehicles in the driveway.


----------



## firetender

atropine said:


> the worst calls are when you have to do 12-leads on old fat ladies.^_^




Hi! This is Rip Van Winkle! 

When did paramedics start doing 12 leads on emergency calls?


----------



## atropine

firetender said:


> Hi! This is Rip Van Winkle!
> 
> When did paramedics start doing 12 leads on emergency calls?



Look tommy bahama who said it had to be an emergency?, I just put those in my worst call category thats all.


----------



## FF2EMT

MVA subject ejected not wearing seatbelt striking head off tree decapitating him... was not a pretty sight


----------



## Tyler Bruns

mycrofft said:


> ..Welcome..



Thank you. 

What part of central california are you from?


----------



## firetender

atropine said:


> Look tommy bahama who said it had to be an emergency?, I just put those in my worst call category thats all.




Do these women call you often?


----------



## WTEngel

4 month old post arrest

52 fractures in various stages of healing

Human bite marks on torso and limbs

Ring finger on left hand nearly bitten off

Parents claim they have no idea what happened...


----------



## citizensoldierny

WTEngel said:


> 4 month old post arrest
> 
> 52 fractures in various stages of healing
> 
> Human bite marks on torso and limbs
> 
> Ring finger on left hand nearly bitten off
> 
> Parents claim they have no idea what happened...



I hope the parents fell down some stairs and bumped into some doorways and no police or jailers have any idea what happened.


----------



## nomofica

Working security at a large, 3-day country music festival, we experienced a gust of wind that was 10 times stronger than it was sudden (which literally hit in seconds of me seeing the actual wall of sand blowing towards us from over 100 yards away).

The banners on the main stage acted as sails and the entire stage went down as it was anchored in such a way that it allowed the front of the stage to lift but the rear of the stage stayed stationary.

The horn speakers that were hung from the rigging above the stage collapsed and landed on the "VIP" bleachers that were on the stage, landing on a single mother of two boys; crushed her completely.

Story here.

The image of her entire body crushed by a 2x7 rack of horns (which weigh about 40 lbs each... you do the math...) is burned in my head forever. Definitely showed my true EMS colours that day; stepped up and did beyond my job description for that event (I was security and I could have very well just left - I was compelled otherwise).


Another bad one: the driver of a semi trailer had pulled over on the side of the highway for the night, hazard lights, orange rotating beacons and all. Couple hours later, a drowsy middle-aged man traveling down the same highway in the far closes his eyes and drifts onto the shoulder of the highway. Drowsy driver slams into the back of the semi trailer, ripping everything at the clavical level off - the top of the car, and his head. Ended up finding his head on the floor in the back of the car.


----------



## Trauma's Mistress

I don't really like talking about my worst call with people who weren't there... it was just a big clusterf***.. but i'll talk about it here. We're all sitting in the station watching a movie, most of us not even in uniform, meanwhile a city bus driver is pounding on the office door for help w/ a woman having a Sz on the bus. we get paged "somebody go out and check on this bus thing..." all 7 of us make a mass exodus to the bus. EMT#1 and i board the bus, find a large, but young woman lying in the middle of the floor. not breathing, call out to EMT#2 that she's ***  not breathing,***  need O2. ***EMT#2 comes back with a nasal cannula.***  EMT#1 can't get a radial pulse or carotid pulse. at this time EMTs#3 & #4 show up with the canvas stretcher and help us move her on to it. We move her into the ambulance, hook her up to the pulse oximeter. it shows her around SpO2 60%ish w/ an inconsistent pulse reading as it bounces between 20-90. we are unsure if she has a pulse or not. perhaps due to her excess fat we just can't find the carotid pulse. EMT#1 checks for a pulse again, EMT#5 starts the ambulance, and then just leaves to stand in front of the building. EMT#4 jumps in the driver seat and tells us that we're going. EMT#6(is a completely incompetent whacker) is sitting at the head of the Pt, where i need to be to BVM her. EMT#6 then moves into the stepwell to watch, he is useless, i literally kick him out of the side door, and lock him out. EMT#7 didn't do anything but tell us what to do after we've begun doing it. Sepervisor#1 is yelling at EMT#5 because 3 of our 7 EMTs just left in that ambulance. en route, EMT#1 has started CPR, I'm on the BVM. EMT#4 got confused and missed the exit, reroutes to the next hospital, no distance difference really, but the code was called to Hosp#1. (all 7 EMTs and 1 supervisor totally forgot about the AED, which is locked up and the key is on the drivers key) We roll up to Hosp#2. the nurse who meets us wants to know if this is real. we look at eachother very confused, I inform the nurse that '_no... it's not real, we're pretending to perform CPR on a Pt who is pretending to be dead because we thought it would be funny._*YES, fatass, this is real!*". nurse sends us to resus room. they take over from there. time to fill out the paperwork. go through the Pt's purse to find an ID. i find it, along with a picture of 2 young children and a stack of GED prep books. the PT turns out to be a 27 y/o w/ 2 kids, working on a GED to try to get ahead in life. as i come to this conclusion they call it.[/QUOTE]

  OK heres what I wanna know  .... 

what friken  pretend emt,should never touch a patient ever again,i fail at life - complete moron   goes and  grabs a nasal cannula  for a patient   THAT ISNT  BREATHING !?!

  In the story  you  said EMT #1  was the one who said- pt not breathing. and then it   said EMT #2 goes and gets a nasal canaula.  

   I am really hoping thats a typo and it was supposed to  be   the  idiot useless Emt #6  in your story, because what do we get when a patient ISNT BREATHING ...   Oh to get a nasal cannula ...   

 Seriously?!?  lol


  also  ...

  "yea  fat *** this is real"  I   laughed my *** off and I woke my dog up lol


----------



## DrankTheKoolaid

*re*

Sigh.   actually had a worst call ever happen to me within the last couple weeks.

G5 P3 AB2 20wk IUP slip and fall at home day prior landing on abdomen.  Get dispatched to a possible miscarriage at said residence.    Arrive on scene to find developing fetus with cord attached in the gals lap, and she is mildly upset (tweeker).   Open towel to examine, only to find that during the discharge of the fetus her cervix clamped as the head was passing.  So there lies a headless formed fetus with a hole on the neck where the head used to be.  Thankfully the VFD FR on scene were mostly oblivious to what was going on.  Off for a D&C she went

Cant get much worse then this, so i am going to have to say the rest of my career is going to get much easier.


----------



## kittaypie

Corky said:


> Sigh.   actually had a worst call ever happen to me within the last couple weeks.
> 
> G5 P3 AB2 20wk IUP slip and fall at home day prior landing on abdomen.  Get dispatched to a possible miscarriage at said residence.    Arrive on scene to find developing fetus with cord attached in the gals lap, and she is mildly upset (tweeker).   Open towel to examine, only to find that during the discharge of the fetus her cervix clamped as the head was passing.  So there lies a headless formed fetus with a hole on the neck where the head used to be.  Thankfully the VFD FR on scene were mostly oblivious to what was going on.  Off for a D&C she went
> 
> Cant get much worse then this, so i am going to have to say the rest of my career is going to get much easier.



holy $%#@!!!!!! that's beyond horrifying.


----------



## QSMITH89

WOW, that is just horrifying.


----------



## rhan101277

QSMITH89 said:


> WOW, that is just horrifying.


  Yeah it is, on the bright side 20 weekers don't make it.  Guess they live a few minutes.

P.S. I was a 24 weeker back in 1977.


----------



## medichopeful

citizensoldierny said:


> I hope the parents fell down some stairs and bumped into some doorways and no police or jailers have any idea what happened.



Though horrible, I actually do NOT wish that this happened to the parents.  It is NOT the job of the police to dish out punishment.  It does NO good for anybody, and it just adds to the negative image they get.  Let the courts handle the punishment.

Now, what happens in jail is a completely different story.


----------



## Akulahawk

rhan101277 said:


> Yeah it is, on the bright side 20 weekers don't make it.  Guess they live a few minutes.
> 
> P.S. I was a 24 weeker back in 1977.


Yes, the 20 week fetuses normally don't. A friend of mine works in a Level III NICU... the youngest she's ever seen survive is about 21-22 weeks and just over 500 grams. The smallest ones that I've seen was about 24 weeks and about 620g, IIRC. Where she works, they call them "Million Dollar Babies".


----------



## tactics

Three month old in full arrest, infant CPR is one of the hardest things I have had to do.  This call plagued me and my partner for months and everytime we get a peds call that has breathing difficulty in the dispatch info we are reminded of that horrible night 5 years ago.  Most of the calls that I have run have been blanked out of my memory.  Does this happen to anyone else and is it a bad thing?  My performance as a medical provider and mental status has never been affected but I was just curious.


----------



## firetender

*What Is Your Personal Philosophy?*

Whether it be a child, peer, or relative, the hardest cases to handle are the ones that get close to home. Each of us has a particular scenario that will rock us off our very foundations and get us staggering for weeks, months, even the rest of our lives. We have choices in how we deal, of course, and I would hope that facing what we experienced is included in them.

And that's the hardest part.

But you know what happens? Taking the time to look at the particulars of how you were affected (and reacted to it) opens more doors than it shuts. Avoiding facing your experience narrows it into an unknowable nagging itch that really doesn't go away. But facing it (incrementally, one aspect at a time in proportion to how deep it got in and shook you) actually helps you to BROADEN your perspective and better understand what the role you played was in the LIFE of the incident.

*There's evidence of medics doing this all over this web site,* and I think that's one of its major services because we don't often talk to each other in person about stuff that rocks us. It's part of the _Johnny and Roy_ culture we inherited. This truly is a safe space, and I'm always happy to see so many here willing to listen and support each other.

Here's what I came up with after facing countless of my own assaults in the field: 

#1) I'm going to die.

The evidence is inescapable. Sure, maybe some lucky thing will materialize last minute (as I ALWAYS believe it will; and the fact that I'm alive today to write about it confirms its truth!), but really, after about 12 years doing the work I really get the concept.

#2) NONE of us will be around very long. In the larger scope of things, our lives are mere sparks. Stand beside a mountain.

#3) I'm here (and in the past, it was in the back of an ambulance) doing what I can in the moments that intersect with the lives of others. In a lot of those moments, I'm doing everything I can do to keep them present in this life, but ultimately, I may very well be the last face they see.

#4) Whoever "dies" on me was no less a part of this miracle than myself. The fact that any of us live at all is incredible! Therefore, bottom line, I am PARTICIPATING in the lives of others, in a sense, getting to understand my own through that participation. As a medic, I just happened to spend a lot of time with people who were leaving a bit earlier than myself.

#5) Ultimately, I'm not far behind, and in that I found some comfort. When the times came to really see that child/friend/relative/mentor's life pass before me, *I had the privilege of being there*, to honor and try and nourish whatever spark was left, and if it faded, to wish it well on its journey; the journey we're all taking. Ultimately, we're here to witness life, and death appears to be a part of it.

#6) If there's somewhere else to go, we'll *all *get there.

This is just my personal guiding philosophy. I learned it in the back of an ambulance maybe six years into the work and it has informed every aspect of my life in the 30 years since. 

I offer it not as a form to follow but as encouragement for YOU to find one that works for you.

Thanks for reading!


----------



## rescuepoppy

firetender said:


> Whether it be a child, peer, or relative, the hardest cases to handle are the ones that get close to home. Each of us has a particular scenario that will rock us off our very foundations and get us staggering for weeks, months, even the rest of our lives. We have choices in how we deal, of course, and I would hope that facing what we experienced is included in them.
> 
> And that's the hardest part.
> 
> But you know what happens? Taking the time to look at the particulars of how you were affected (and reacted to it) opens more doors than it shuts. Avoiding facing your experience narrows it into an unknowable nagging itch that really doesn't go away. But facing it (incrementally, one aspect at a time in proportion to how deep it got in and shook you) actually helps you to BROADEN your perspective and better understand what the role you played was in the LIFE of the incident.
> 
> *There's evidence of medics doing this all over this web site,* and I think that's one of its major services because we don't often talk to each other in person about stuff that rocks us. It's part of the _Johnny and Roy_ culture we inherited. This truly is a safe space, and I'm always happy to see so many here willing to listen and support each other.
> 
> Here's what I came up with after facing countless of my own assaults in the field:
> 
> #1) I'm going to die.
> 
> The evidence is inescapable. Sure, maybe some lucky thing will materialize last minute (as I ALWAYS believe it will; and the fact that I'm alive today to write about it confirms its truth!), but really, after about 12 years doing the work I really get the concept.
> 
> #2) NONE of us will be around very long. In the larger scope of things, our lives are mere sparks. Stand beside a mountain.
> 
> #3) I'm here (and in the past, it was in the back of an ambulance) doing what I can in the moments that intersect with the lives of others. In a lot of those moments, I'm doing everything I can do to keep them present in this life, but ultimately, I may very well be the last face they see.
> 
> #4) Whoever "dies" on me was no less a part of this miracle than myself. The fact that any of us live at all is incredible! Therefore, bottom line, I am PARTICIPATING in the lives of others, in a sense, getting to understand my own through that participation. As a medic, I just happened to spend a lot of time with people who were leaving a bit earlier than myself.
> 
> #5) Ultimately, I'm not far behind, and in that I found some comfort. When the times came to really see that child/friend/relative/mentor's life pass before me, *I had the privilege of being there*, to honor and try and nourish whatever spark was left, and if it faded, to wish it well on its journey; the journey we're all taking. Ultimately, we're here to witness life, and death appears to be a part of it.
> 
> #6) If there's somewhere else to go, we'll *all *get there.
> 
> This is just my personal guiding philosophy. I learned it in the back of an ambulance maybe six years into the work and it has informed every aspect of my life in the 30 years since.
> 
> I offer it not as a form to follow but as encouragement for YOU to find one that works for you.
> 
> Thanks for reading!



  Having been involved in one aspect or another of emergency services since 1978 I have had quiet a few calls which have stuck with me for one reason or another. As with most people any call involving children stay with me longer than others mostly because common thinking tells us that we as older people are supposed to go before kids do, but we all know that death has no age limits. Other calls have their own way of sticking in my mind. In my case one that still comes to me even though this happened in 1982 is a driver who died in a truck wreck. I was volunteering on the rescue truck and not doing patient care on this call. When we arrived on scene the driver was trapped against a rock face with his load pushed into his seat,during the extrication where I was in the cab of the truck with him for the whole 2 and 1/2 hours we worked to get him out. During this time he had good vital signs and was totally alert and talking to us in a normal cone of voice. He told me that he knew what would happen when we released him,and went through the the process of asking us to deliver a message to his wife for him. 
  As predicted when we got him free he started to crash as soon as we pulled him out. By th time we got him to the mast-trousers he was gone, I later contacted his wife asking her if she wanted to talk. It took her almost 6 months to want to hear what he said. I will never regret contacting her and giving her the option to decide if she wanted to know what was said during his last moments. 
  If you you stay in this field long enough you will run calls that will rock you some that may even make you question if you want to stay in this. All you can do is to find your own way to put things into perspective. My hope is that everyone who has those calls that affect them can find a positive way to deal with their feelings and make any career decisions they have to make for the right reasons not as a way of fitting in or to prove a point.


----------



## nomofica

firetender said:


> Whether it be a child, peer, or relative, the hardest cases to handle are the ones that get close to home. Each of us has a particular scenario that will rock us off our very foundations and get us staggering for weeks, months, even the rest of our lives. We have choices in how we deal, of course, and I would hope that facing what we experienced is included in them.
> 
> And that's the hardest part.
> 
> But you know what happens? Taking the time to look at the particulars of how you were affected (and reacted to it) opens more doors than it shuts. Avoiding facing your experience narrows it into an unknowable nagging itch that really doesn't go away. But facing it (incrementally, one aspect at a time in proportion to how deep it got in and shook you) actually helps you to BROADEN your perspective and better understand what the role you played was in the LIFE of the incident.
> 
> *There's evidence of medics doing this all over this web site,* and I think that's one of its major services because we don't often talk to each other in person about stuff that rocks us. It's part of the _Johnny and Roy_ culture we inherited. This truly is a safe space, and I'm always happy to see so many here willing to listen and support each other.
> 
> Here's what I came up with after facing countless of my own assaults in the field:
> 
> #1) I'm going to die.
> 
> The evidence is inescapable. Sure, maybe some lucky thing will materialize last minute (as I ALWAYS believe it will; and the fact that I'm alive today to write about it confirms its truth!), but really, after about 12 years doing the work I really get the concept.
> 
> #2) NONE of us will be around very long. In the larger scope of things, our lives are mere sparks. Stand beside a mountain.
> 
> #3) I'm here (and in the past, it was in the back of an ambulance) doing what I can in the moments that intersect with the lives of others. In a lot of those moments, I'm doing everything I can do to keep them present in this life, but ultimately, I may very well be the last face they see.
> 
> #4) Whoever "dies" on me was no less a part of this miracle than myself. The fact that any of us live at all is incredible! Therefore, bottom line, I am PARTICIPATING in the lives of others, in a sense, getting to understand my own through that participation. As a medic, I just happened to spend a lot of time with people who were leaving a bit earlier than myself.
> 
> #5) Ultimately, I'm not far behind, and in that I found some comfort. When the times came to really see that child/friend/relative/mentor's life pass before me, *I had the privilege of being there*, to honor and try and nourish whatever spark was left, and if it faded, to wish it well on its journey; the journey we're all taking. Ultimately, we're here to witness life, and death appears to be a part of it.
> 
> #6) If there's somewhere else to go, we'll *all *get there.
> 
> This is just my personal guiding philosophy. I learned it in the back of an ambulance maybe six years into the work and it has informed every aspect of my life in the 30 years since.
> 
> I offer it not as a form to follow but as encouragement for YOU to find one that works for you.
> 
> Thanks for reading!




All I have to say is that was beautifully written. Well said. I'm honestly tempted to pass this on to many of the medics, EMTs and even ff's I know.


----------



## firetender

nomofica said:


> All I have to say is that was beautifully written. Well said. I'm honestly tempted to pass this on to many of the medics, EMTs and even ff's I know.



Feel free to do so. You can keep it signed "firetender" (please, ALL lower case!) and something like an attribution to this site would be nice to build traffic here as well.

Russ


----------



## nomofica

I'll be sure to do that.


----------



## I-cant-fix-stupid

*Worst call*

We worked code on a 6 month ols baby who dies of SIDS for 2 hours. She'd been dead for hours but we just couldnt bring ourselves to give up with mom right there screaming at us to do something.

Went home and woke my little girl up to hold her for a while and just cried.


----------



## firetender

I-cant-fix-stupid said:


> She'd been dead for hours but we just couldnt bring ourselves to give up with mom right there screaming at us to do something.



That's the difference between being a healer and being a Flesh Mechanic. Sometimes we are asked to participate in life, even while we preside over death. This experience was meant to strengthen, not diminish, your powers.


----------

