# Funny Experiences on a Job



## RH3075 (Nov 24, 2006)

Hi All, I ws wondering if anyone wanted to share any truly funny experiences on calls.  One of my best comes from an EDP (don't they all come from EDP's?).  We picked up an EDp who was standing on a street corner yelling at traffic.  We get him in the back of the bus, and as i can remember, the conversation goes something like this.

Me: So whats your name sir?
E: Jesus
M: You mean like HEY-Zeus?
E: No Jesus
M: OK, whats your last name
E: Christ, middle intial H.
M: (Trying hard not to bust out laughing) OK, well what do you do for a living
E: I am between jobs at the moment, but I am usually busy being the Savior of mankind.
M: OK, well do you have any medical history I should know about?
E: Nothing I havent taken care of my self, I can do that you know.
M: (innocently) Do what sir?
E: Cure illness, miracles, that sort of thing.
M: Ok, well we are going to go to the hospital and get you checked out anyway.
E: Ok, there are probably lots of sick people there who need my help.

At this point I totally crack up, laugh so hard I have tears in my eyes, and this guy is dead serious, never even cracks a smile.  I sure hope he was just dillusional, because if he was the real deal, I might have some 'splainin' to do.


Just thought I would share...would love to hear your stories also,


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## Stevo (Nov 25, 2006)

heh~

and i thought i was _'God Da*nit'_, and my brother _'Jesus H Christ'_ until i was 10 or so...

~S~


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## Airwaygoddess (Nov 25, 2006)

THANK-YOU!!!!  Bless the folks that have been "touched" in the head, in some other cases I think they were whacked in the head by a 2x4!! 
as they say in the south... Bless their hearts!!!^_^


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## BossyCow (Dec 1, 2006)

2am call. Toned out to a possible allergic reaction to insect bites???

We can hear the confusion fairly dripping from the voice of the dispatcher.  Arrived to find two 30-ish females who have obviously been imbibing some sort of recreational chemicals.  All the lights are off in the house and they become quite agitated at the suggestion that we might need some illumination.  

They tell us that they have become infested with parasites.  That these parasites are from African Tree Frogs and they have burrowed under their skin. They are both holding flashlights.  They turn the flashlight onto a baby food jar that appears to have some skin flakes in it.  They tell us that the only thing that seems to kill the parasites is 409, which they are spraying on each other liberally. Since they have been scratching themselves raw, the 409 stings, which they interprete as the 'parasites' burrowing in deeper which makes them scratch more and spray more.  

As we take them in, for a psych eval. we warn them that they may have to go into the 'special room' not for 'quarantine purposes' just to be safe.


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## Fedmedic (Dec 1, 2006)

We were dispatched one night to assist the sheriff's department with a routine no-delay call for a patient that "thinks they are radioactive", the dispatcher was laughing so hard he could hardly get it out. 

Upon arrival we found a mid 40's female talking to the deputy. He advised that she thinks she is radioactive and needs to be checked. After talking to her and she is A/O x 4, no ETOH on board, I ask her why she thinks she is radioactive. At which time she tells me something about the rotation of the earth and the planetary alignment is causing her to be radioactive. At this time I tell my rookie partner to follow me to the ambulance. So he did, I retrieved the necessary tools to fix this problem. I stuck a pediatric electrode, you know the ones with cute little teddy bears on them, in the middle of her forehead and told her it was a geigercounter, the lastest thing out to detect radiactivity. She needed to wear it for 24 hours, if it turned green to call EMS or go to the ER, if not she could just remove it, she was not radioactive. So I then left her in the care of the deputy, who was laughing so hard he about 'pizzed' himself. All he could say was he needed a job like ours. So I checked 10-8 EMS not needed and went back to the station and kicked my feet up with the remote in hand. Now that's EMS at its best.


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## CotWoman (Dec 1, 2006)

Fedmedic said:


> We were dispatched one night to assist the sheriff's department with a routine no-delay call for a patient that "thinks they are radioactive", the dispatcher was laughing so hard he could hardly get it out.
> 
> Upon arrival we found a mid 40's female talking to the deputy. He advised that she thinks she is radioactive and needs to be checked. After talking to her and she is A/O x 4, no ETOH on board, I ask her why she thinks she is radioactive. At which time she tells me something about the rotation of the earth and the planetary alignment is causing her to be radioactive. At this time I tell my rookie partner to follow me to the ambulance. So he did, I retrieved the necessary tools to fix this problem. I stuck a pediatric electrode, you know the ones with cute little teddy bears on them, in the middle of her forehead and told her it was a geigercounter, the lastest thing out to detect radiactivity. She needed to wear it for 24 hours, if it turned green to call EMS or go to the ER, if not she could just remove it, she was not radioactive. So I then left her in the care of the deputy, who was laughing so hard he about 'pizzed' himself. All he could say was he needed a job like ours. So I checked 10-8 EMS not needed and went back to the station and kicked my feet up with the remote in hand. Now that's EMS at its best.



That was a great story.. LMAO... I LOVED IT!!!!!


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## yowzer (Dec 2, 2006)

Fedmedic said:


> I stuck a pediatric electrode, you know the ones with cute little teddy bears on them, in the middle of her forehead and told her it was a geigercounter, the lastest thing out to detect radiactivity. She needed to wear it for 24 hours, if it turned green to call EMS or go to the ER, if not she could just remove it, she was not radioactive.



Borrowing a page from Bringing Out The Dead, eh?


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## Fedmedic (Dec 2, 2006)

yowzer said:


> Borrowing a page from Bringing Out The Dead, eh?



Actually, I had a 101 uses for electrodes before I ever watched bringing out the dead. Yeah, I'm afraid I have been doing it that long. Also, if you take the old Motorola Minitor pagers and hold the squelch button and scan your patient, they make excellent "Star Trek" style scanners and tell you everything that is wrong with your patient; at least that is what they think...bet you didn't see that in bringing out the dead. Or if you take their medicaid cards and scan them in your radio box mounted on the wall in the back of your ambulance it will tell you that they have already had their limit on ambulance calls for the month....something to think about.


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## CrazyRower (Dec 2, 2006)

*First post*



Fedmedic said:


> I stuck a pediatric electrode, you know the ones with cute little teddy bears on them, in the middle of her forehead and told her it was a geigercounter, the lastest thing out to detect radiactivity. She needed to wear it for 24 hours, if it turned green to call EMS or go to the ER, if not she could just remove it, she was not radioactive.



I seriously just laughed out loud reading that. I wonder if she actually walked around with it on her forehead for 24 hours...


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## trauma1534 (Dec 4, 2006)

Fedmedic said:


> Actually, I had a 101 uses for electrodes before I ever watched bringing out the dead. Yeah, I'm afraid I have been doing it that long. Also, if you take the old Motorola Minitor pagers and hold the squelch button and scan your patient, they make excellent "Star Trek" style scanners and tell you everything that is wrong with your patient; at least that is what they think...bet you didn't see that in bringing out the dead. Or if you take their medicaid cards and scan them in your radio box mounted on the wall in the back of your ambulance it will tell you that they have already had their limit on ambulance calls for the month....something to think about.



I thought I was going to need EMS myself from laughing so hard making my chest hurt when I read this one and the other one about the radioactive patient!  Those are original!  Hey... are you still planning to write your book?  I think it would be so entertaining!!!  You are just too cool, for a flunkie!!!  lol  The funny thing is... because I know you, I can actually see you doing these things and it makes it that much more funny!  

I'm gonna used the one with the card!  If I can get through it without laughing myself to death!  Oh, and I know just the patient!  One of our frequent flyers.  If he were flying on American, he could go anywhere in the world free by now!  LOL  Very good post!


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## fm_emt (Dec 5, 2006)

*"Mr. Trumpet"*

I have a partner that wants me dead because of a particular patient. (Ok, not really, but boy was she mad!) 

We were contracted to work at an annual event that runs for about 8 weeks, weekends only. There's a tool shed like hut that we occupy for a medic booth. On Day #1 of the event, we needed to do a few minor repairs to the hut, so I went off in search of a phillips screwdriver bit for the DeWalt drill. I remembered seeing this handyman looking dude working halfway across the event site, so I went over and asked him if I could borrow a bit. He loaned me the bit, but also followed me back to the hut, talking about how he was this amazing trumpet player. We got back to the hut and I used the bit for what I needed to. In the meantime, he started talking to my partner. She was politely listening and nodding and agreeing with the guy. I go to give him the drill bit back and he's still talking! He's talking to my partner about his hands. He's talking about how he's also an amazing carpenter and handyman and can fix anything, so his hands are rough because of it. My partner is talking back to him about hand care tips. Then he walks into the hut, sits on the bed, and asks us (since we're medical professionals, of course) to take a look at some bumps on his ankles.
He exposes his ankles by dropping his pants. My partner looked at me and I recognized "the look" - the look that says "I am going to murder you sometime today." All I could do was shrug and quietly say "I'm sorry!" 
Our Pant Dropping Friend continues to talk about his ankles. He has a couple mosquito bites. I'm at a loss for words. Neither of us know what to say, and this guy is STILL TALKING. And he won't STOP TALKING. By now, my partner is thinking of ways to kill me. He's telling her what a goddess she is. She says thanks.
I finally come up with a way to get him out of the medic hut - the drill bit! I tell him that I'm done with the bit and will walk him back to where he came from. My partner growls at me as I walk away, following this handyman dude back to the booth that he came from. The dwellers of his booth were equally bizarre, but friendly. Fortunately, not *that* friendly.
I got back to the medic hut and all I could say was "Oh man, I had no idea he was going to follow me back here like that!" My partner says something like "Next time we just drive to Home Depot!"
I never thought he'd leave. Apparently he stopped by on a following day when I was out somewhere, and one of the Sheriff deputies shooed him away after he babbled on about The Evil Government and Evil Hospital Corporations for 10 minutes. He put his hand on his taser and said "I think it's time for you to go now, amigo." 
It worked.

My partner threatened to send me a picture of the guy as a Christmas card. heh.


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## Airwaygoddess (Dec 5, 2006)

So Mr. Handyman wanted to "blow his horn"!!


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## fm_emt (Dec 5, 2006)

Airwaygoddess said:


> So Mr. Handyman wanted to "blow his horn"!!



I dunno..he claimed that "they" paid him $60 per SECOND to play. I wanted to pay him $60 to just go away.


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## Anomalous (Dec 6, 2006)

My wife had a pt that saw gremlins on the ceiling.  She pulled out her "Gremlin Spray" (lemon scented sanitizer), a couple of sprays, and presto...  Also works on spiders, white elephants, etc...


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## Airwaygoddess (Dec 7, 2006)

What no pink elephants!! ^_^


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## Pablo the Pirate (Dec 7, 2006)

*lactose intolerante*

alright guys at first I wasnt gonna share this story but its to great not to be told.  This is a true story about a friend of mine.  Shes lactose intolerante and earlier in the day had gotten some kind of coffee drink unawares that it had milk in it.  Later that night like 1 or 2 in the morning she goes on a call.  Drunk guy drove into a telephone pole in nearby downtown small town.  but the guy had wandered off and they couldnt find him right away. spent like 45 mins on the scene tryin to locate this guy.  They finally find him and he bleeding from the head and blah blah blah. they LSB and C-collar the guy get him loaded up and around here closest hosp. is 20 min ride. so they are enroute to hosp. and her gut just flips over on her.  She's like oh god. cuz she knows shes gonna be sick and it aint gonna wait.  Since we are rural ambulance we normally run with three people. So anyway they are driving down the road and she looks at her other partner in the back and is like i'm gonna have diarrhea like right now.  so she grabs the garbage can and climbs down by the side door. so she basically out of site of the other person in back the driver and the pt.  she drops her pants and has diarrhea right there in the back of the bus.  the driver is eventually like oh god whats that smell?  and she like its me i'm so sorry. he's like oh no problem and rolls down the window.  the pt is so drunk he is oblivious to whats goin on and stuff.  but they finally get to hosp.  and she is of course like i have to go to the bathroom and the other two people are like yeah sure whatever you need.  so she goes off to the bathroom and the other two take take of the pt and cleaning up the truck.  When she gets to the bathroom she realizes that shes been more than a little messy and has some on her pants and shoes.  so she tries to clean it up as best she can.  when she comes out of the bathroom and is walkin back to the truck she see this nurse wipin up these tracks most of the way to the bathroom.  the nurse is like well someone tracked mud all over the ER. my friend is like ummm yeah... does her damnedest to keep a straight face and walked out. it was a long time before this story made it around our little place of work.  she was the one to start telling people.  the other 2 people on this call never said a word until she did.  and now she no longer cares and tells basically everyone about it but it goes to show you the graciousness and and support of the EMS family in general.  there are a ton of funny things that happen around here but this takes the hat by far.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 18, 2006)

MUD ON THE FLOOR ! hahahahahahahaha oh man funny !


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## MeaganIV (Dec 22, 2006)

4am call to the residence of a known diabetic.  Me and my partner knew this guy and his episodes and it was never really too bad before this one call.  We get there and as soon as we walk in the door i was thrown back by the smell.  It was aweful.  The Pts daughter is there and shows us to his room and MY GOD was it ever horrible.  My jaw just drops when i look around and see the the Pt has defecated everywhere.  And when I say everywhere? I mean it.  It was on the walls, the ceiling the floor, the closet... everywhere.  

Of course, we sheet drag him onto the stretcher and I'm gagging the whole way out until we get on car.  I'm in the back with him getting a Hx when I could handle it anymore.  I open up the back on the bus and threw up all over the highway.  Ugh.

Felt better though.  After that I pretty much held a tube of oral glucose over his mouth and poored it down his throat.

Wasn't a good day for me


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 22, 2006)

wow ! how the heck did he get it on the ceiling ? gross. don't worry id probably lose my lunch also thats just gross but a nessesary evil in our business.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 22, 2006)

Mercy4Angels said:


> wow ! how the heck did he get it on the ceiling ? gross. don't worry id probably lose my lunch also thats just gross but a nessesary evil in our business.



You know, my partner leaned over and asked me the same thing..I was horrified. 


He was severely diabetic... he had diabetic feet and wore adult diapers.  Its wasn't a pretty site.  That wasn't the grossest thing though.  I'm sure everyone knows how aweful oral glucose tastes but this guy... man he must have down 3 of our tubes...

If I had more to throw up I would have...


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 22, 2006)

in all honesty i never tasted the oral gluecose and dont think i want to LOL.


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## Nycxice13 (Dec 22, 2006)

MeaganIV said:


> You know, my partner leaned over and asked me the same thing..I was horrified.
> 
> 
> He was severely diabetic... he had diabetic feet and wore adult diapers.  Its wasn't a pretty site.  That wasn't the grossest thing though.  I'm sure everyone knows how aweful oral glucose tastes but this guy... man he must have down 3 of our tubes...
> ...



Damn it, I wanted to try oral-glucose, figuring it would be like sugar syrup.:glare:


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## MeaganIV (Dec 22, 2006)

Mercy4Angels said:


> in all honesty i never tasted the oral gluecose and dont think i want to LOL.



Hahaha oh no.  You don't wanna. We have it on car and stuff and my partner and I were cleaning up and he was like "Try this." and being me I said sure... 


I wanted to throw up all over the place.  It was aweful.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 22, 2006)

Nycxice13 said:


> Damn it, I wanted to try oral-glucose, figuring it would be like sugar syrup.:glare:



yeahhhh you don't wanna try it.  hahah trust me!


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## Nycxice13 (Dec 22, 2006)

MeaganIV said:


> yeahhhh you don't wanna try it.  hahah trust me!



You know, Im gonna end up trying it anyway. Just cause Im like that.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 22, 2006)

Nycxice13 said:


> You know, Im gonna end up trying it anyway. Just cause Im like that.



by all means! It hurts the teeth.


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## YYCmedic (Dec 23, 2006)

Nycxice13 said:


> You know, Im gonna end up trying it anyway. Just cause Im like that.



haha someone after my own heart. Make your own judgement on how Oral Glucose tastes, personally I love it and think its amazingly tasty... and by love it I mean for its medical purposes only and by tasty I mean disgustingly the opposite... but yeah, I would recommend tasting it at least once, just so you know forsure


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## MeaganIV (Dec 23, 2006)

TJ_EMT said:


> haha someone after my own heart. Make your own judgement on how Oral Glucose tastes, personally I love it and think its amazingly tasty... and by love it I mean for its medical purposes only and by tasty I mean disgustingly the opposite... but yeah, I would recommend tasting it at least once, just so you know forsure



Good man, TJ.  This is why i'ma shove some of that stuff down your throat.


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## YYCmedic (Dec 23, 2006)

has anyone else noticed how a "Funny Experiences on a Job" has turned into "How bad does Oral Glucose Really Taste"...


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## Nycxice13 (Dec 23, 2006)

TJ_EMT said:


> has anyone else noticed how a "Funny Experiences on a Job" has turned into "How bad does Oral Glucose Really Taste"...



LOL, partly because of me.

But yea, you can tell me that it tastes like doo doo for years, I just gotta try it. I dont know why.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 23, 2006)

MeaganIV said:


> We have it on car and stuff



whats on car ? Do you mean the rig ? aka ambulance. Sorry just so many names for it. In NYC its called a bus.h34r:


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## yowzer (Dec 23, 2006)

Mercy4Angels said:


> whats on car ? Do you mean the rig ? aka ambulance. Sorry just so many names for it. In NYC its called a bus.h34r:



A bus is what many of our patients SHOULD be using to get to the hospital. 

(Doesn't FDNY EMS actually have busses that have been converted into multiple-patient ambulances? Every company doing interfacility transports needs one! "The bus will be at your hospital at 1000, making stops at X, Y and Z nursing homes before coming back for another load if your guy isn't ready to leave right away.")


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## MeaganIV (Dec 23, 2006)

Mercy4Angels said:


> whats on car ? Do you mean the rig ? aka ambulance. Sorry just so many names for it. In NYC its called a bus.h34r:



On car means on the ambulance.  We call it a lot of different things. I call it a bus and a truck.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 23, 2006)

nice thats what i thought....i always refer to it as the rig.

and in NYC im not really sure where the term bus came from im in jersey.


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## fm_emt (Dec 23, 2006)

Depending on the rig, we may call it "rust bucket"

" i never tasted the oral gluecose "

Really? The cherry flavoured stuff isn't that bad.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 23, 2006)

Nycxice13 said:


> LOL, partly because of me.
> 
> But yea, you can tell me that it tastes like doo doo for years, I just gotta try it. I dont know why.



Ya gotta try so you know just what those poor diabetics go through.

My instructor for EMT-I had us inject ourselve in the abdomen with saline to experience what those IDDM Pts have to do every day with their insulin.


Doesn't hurt... its just uncomfortable.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 24, 2006)

he had you inject yourself ? wtf ? id tell him to go first...LOL. im not injecting myself with anything i dont need. funny though. here that would be a lawsuit and a loss of his job.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 24, 2006)

Really? thats silly.   Normal Saline is nothing.  Its basically just fluid replacement.  We practice IVs in the classroom too with NS.  Same with IMs. 

Its the only way we learn.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 24, 2006)

MeaganIV said:


> Really? thats silly.   Normal Saline is nothing.  Its basically just fluid replacement.  We practice IVs in the classroom too with NS.  Same with IMs.
> 
> Its the only way we learn.



ah but im only basic i cant do IV. medics sure they have to practice but unless someone with that level of training in NJ can correct me they practice during their ER rotation time. I am required to do 10 hours for basic and the medic requirment is much more than that. i agree with the silly part. things these days people will sue for anything its just gotten out of control. ambulance chasers are the worst.  i vote we go back to the fifties seemed like a much more simpler time - people figured out their own problems.


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## MeaganIV (Dec 25, 2006)

hahaha amen to that.


Well its the only way to learn, really.  I think anyway.


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## ElvisIsDead (Dec 25, 2006)

RH3075 said:


> Hi All, I ws wondering if anyone wanted to share any truly funny experiences on calls.  One of my best comes from an EDP (don't they all come from EDP's?).  We picked up an EDp who was standing on a street corner yelling at traffic.  We get him in the back of the bus, and as i can remember, the conversation goes something like this.
> 
> Me: So whats your name sir?
> E: Jesus
> ...





You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at a patient while in your care in the back of a unit. This person obviously needed your help and you let him down by laughing at him. I think that the term unethical may apply here. If you felt the need to laugh so badly you could have least waited until you had delivered your patient to the hospital and you were by yourself. Tis is why so many people refuse to seek help anymore for psychiatric problems. They're afraid they'll be ridiculed.
Humor is a neccessity in this job; however not at the expense of those who depend completely on us to do our jobs.


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## Ridryder911 (Dec 25, 2006)

Sorry, I laugh at patients all the time.. even the Doc's do. Sorry there is stupid people out there & yes, at times silly things that occurred. There is a time and place to be appropriate but for the most of the time, I can chuckle underneath my breath. 

There is a thing called "black humor", in which is proven to be ethical and actually helpful for health care providers. Just like calling those in the burn unit "crispy critters".. etc... Yes, it may seem inappropriate, but over all it is a way for the psyche to deal with things. 

Again, used when appropiately and mainly "lighten up" and have fun.

R/r 911


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## Nycxice13 (Dec 25, 2006)

ElvisIsDead said:


> You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at a patient while in your care in the back of a unit. This person obviously needed your help and you let him down by laughing at him. I think that the term unethical may apply here. If you felt the need to laugh so badly you could have least waited until you had delivered your patient to the hospital and you were by yourself. Tis is why so many people refuse to seek help anymore for psychiatric problems. They're afraid they'll be ridiculed.
> Humor is a neccessity in this job; however not at the expense of those who depend completely on us to do our jobs.



This is a stressful job, laughter is a great remedy for that stress, this patient obviously had NO idea of what was going on around him. Don't take the "holier than thou"  attitude, everyone has laughed at something that was considered wrong at some point.


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## Mercy4Angels (Dec 25, 2006)

"laughter is like a short vacation"


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## Jon (Dec 25, 2006)

Mercy4Angels said:


> he had you inject yourself ? wtf ? id tell him to go first...LOL. im not injecting myself with anything i dont need. funny though. here that would be a lawsuit and a loss of his job.


The instructor probalby WOULD go first, and if you REALLY didn't want to go, he wouldn't make you.

I like the idea... it makes a point.

Further... Normasaline is a GREAT drug... it is almost as good as Placebo when it comes to reliving pain in some patients


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## Jon (Dec 25, 2006)

ElvisIsDead said:


> You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at a patient while in your care in the back of a unit. This person obviously needed your help and you let him down by laughing at him. I think that the term unethical may apply here. If you felt the need to laugh so badly you could have least waited until you had delivered your patient to the hospital and you were by yourself. Tis is why so many people refuse to seek help anymore for psychiatric problems. They're afraid they'll be ridiculed.
> Humor is a neccessity in this job; however not at the expense of those who depend completely on us to do our jobs.


Do you read Steve Berry's books? Do you find them funny?

As for waiting until after the call... isn't it worse to ridicule someone behind their back? Yes... if I was that patient, I might be hurt, but why would he say he was Jesus Christ to me, and answer all those questions like that except to get that reaction. Further, I can't imagine that he doesn't get that reaction often.


There have been times when a patient has said something humorous and I smile or laugh... sometimes it is even preceded by "you are going to think this is stupid, but" usually if I crack a smile, they are smililng too, because they see the humor as someone else would.


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## FF/EMT Sam (Dec 25, 2006)

Jon said:


> There have been times when a patient has said something humorous and I smile or laugh... sometimes it is even preceded by "you are going to think this is stupid, but" usually if I crack a smile, they are smililng too, because they see the humor as someone else would.




Amen.  I once had a patient tell me that "You might think this sounds stupid, but I feel like I have a hamster running around in my chest."  We both cracked up.


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## Airwaygoddess (Dec 25, 2006)

Honey we do it all in EMS, we laugh, we cry and we grieve with and for our patients.  As you go though this life, one does learn there is a time and place for everything.  Bless our hearts!^_^


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## MeaganIV (Dec 25, 2006)

Jon said:


> The instructor probalby WOULD go first, and if you REALLY didn't want to go, he wouldn't make you.
> 
> I like the idea... it makes a point.
> 
> Further... Normasaline is a GREAT drug... it is almost as good as Placebo when it comes to reliving pain in some patients



No kidding eh!? good ol' NS. 

Once they feel it running up their veins... they feel better.  I hate the feeling.  Bugs the hell outta me.


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## BossyCow (Dec 28, 2006)

ElvisIsDead said:


> You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at a patient while in your care in the back of a unit.



There is a huge difference between maintaining a professional attitude in the care of our patients and allowing our humanity to escape once in a while.  I'm thinking if you see a lapse into humanity as a professional liability, you ain't long for EMS.


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## TheDoll (Dec 28, 2006)

Pablo the Pirate said:


> so she basically out of site of the other person in back the driver and the pt.


HOW is this possible in the back of the bus? i'm still cracking up, but i just can't imagine this part of the story???


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## medichick (Dec 31, 2006)

*Me a hooker???*

I was a student at the time and we were sent to get a guy whose mom said, "he's just not acting right."  We got him into the back of the truck and I was questioning him with the EMT sitting on the other side of him on the bench seat.   He informed us that he had plans to be a pimp but that the Russians had stolen his '69 GTO and everyone knows that to be a good, successful pimp you have to have a '69 GTO.  Further questioning let us know that we had been transported from Upstate SC to Russia (and I didn't even have my passport with me!!) and the final crowning touch was when, as we pulled into the hospital, he told me that he would find me when he got his GTO back from the Russians, that I would be 'fine' for the streets and could really make some money!!  

Unfortunately, I bet I could make more money on the streets than as a medic!!


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## Airwaygoddess (Dec 31, 2006)

So commrade, bless his heart!!


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## Pablo the Pirate (Jan 3, 2007)

TheDoll said:


> HOW is this possible in the back of the bus? i'm still cracking up, but i just can't imagine this part of the story???



sorry so long in getting back its been busy. anyhoo we have pretty big trucks. at the head of the bench seat there is a drop in the floor next to the side door. you know so you dont have to be 6'4 to step into the side door. then the cot sits in the middle of the floor so there is walking room on both side of cot then jump seat at head of cot and there is also a seat in the middle of all the shelving on oppisite wall of bench seat. so the other partner was sittin in seat oppisite of bench seat and when the jump seat is turned just right you can see the door but not all the way in to the "well" of the door.  this probably made it more confusing but i hope it helps.


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## Pablo the Pirate (Jan 3, 2007)

a friend and i were talkin tonight and she reminded of a "hilariously" funny drunk guy we hauled in a couple years back. were called to cop shop for guy with ABD pain. he had been drinking and driving in his girlfriends car that she reported as stolen. and not wanting to jail he decides he needs an ambulance.  the guy has history of pancratitis and is in constant pain. so in order to not feel the pain so much he decides to get drunk. which only aggrivates his condition. so blah blah blah we take the guy and enroute to hosp i ask him if he is allergic to anything.  to which he replys in all seriousness and at near top volume "yeah stinky :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:"  my partner and i (both of us being female) snicker (as to not egg the guy on) than ask if hes allergic to any meds. needles to say i'm a little more careful about how i phrase this ques. to less than sober people. after we left the ED we were roaring with laughter.


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## Tincanfireman (Jan 3, 2007)

MeaganIV said:


> Ya gotta try so you know just what those poor diabetics go through.
> 
> My instructor for EMT-I had us inject ourselve in the abdomen with saline to experience what those IDDM Pts have to do every day with their insulin.


 
Good point, but it's like repeatedly hitting yourself in the head with a brick to find out what your head injury pt's feel.


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## CotWoman (Jan 3, 2007)

MeaganIV said:


> hahaha amen to that.
> 
> 
> Well its the only way to learn, really.  I think anyway.



When I was in school for Basic, my instructor told us a story how they: yes they inject and poke themselves with needles for practice... all the time... But the funny story was how they used to play with a defib and that special mannequin that they use to practice with... this student wanted to see what it was like to be shocked, and before the instructors knew it - he put the paddle (it was an old one) to his arm and shocked himself...  What an idiot!!!


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## FF/EMT Sam (Jan 3, 2007)

CotWoman said:


> When I was in school for Basic, my instructor told us a story how they: yes they inject and poke themselves with needles for practice... all the time... But the funny story was how they used to play with a defib and that special mannequin that they use to practice with... this student wanted to see what it was like to be shocked, and before the instructors knew it - he put the paddle (it was an old one) to his arm and shocked himself...  What an idiot!!!




Paging Dr. Darwin...


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## CotWoman (Jan 3, 2007)

HAHA Yes.... Exactly...

They apparently did stupid things to themselves... 

A student whom we all lovingly nicknamed Stewie after the character in MadTV, had his first clinical in an ER... His first pt was a young man, who wasn't really "sick".  Stewie went into the first room to check on this pt, and found that he was receiving a BJ from the girlfriend who brought him in... The girl, without missing a beat... said that the boyfriend took viagra and couldn't "get it down" so she was trying to help... LOL


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## firecoins (Jan 4, 2007)

CotWoman said:


> HAHA Yes.... Exactly...
> 
> They apparently did stupid things to themselves...
> 
> A student whom we all lovingly nicknamed Stewie after the character in MadTV, had his first clinical in an ER... His first pt was a young man, who wasn't really "sick".  Stewie went into the first room to check on this pt, and found that he was receiving a BJ from the girlfriend who brought him in... The girl, without missing a beat... said that the boyfriend took viagra and couldn't "get it down" so she was trying to help... LOL



Need calls like that!


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## firecoins (Jan 6, 2007)

I have a specific one now.  

I was off duty, hell I was on leave for college but was home for the weekend.  I went to NYU but I lived 30 min upstate.  At school I was on the full contact Tae Kwon Do team.  2 other members came up to my area for a local tourney and I came to watch.  They had 6 matches going on at once.  I was walking from match to match watching.   I had passes by a volley BLS crew,said hi. About 2 minutes later I hear an announcement. Could not decipher what the announcement was but it was paging someone to a ring.  The voice had a thick Korean accent. This announcement was made 2 more times.  As I walked around I saw a female competitor laying on the ground, several people including a guy with a mike.  He was a Korean instructor and was making the announcement for a "doctor".  I walked over and took over as an EMT. I instructed one of the people walk over to the BLS crew. I helped backboard the pt and continued like nothing happaned.


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## m33kr0b (Jan 16, 2007)

I was transporting a psych pt once who was folding his non existent laundry in the air and matching his socks, he also claimed that the ambulance was being chased by squirrels.


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## mfrjason (Jan 19, 2007)

That sounds exactly like what you did Yowzer,and you are right,that was a scene in bringing out the dead where the character played by Tom Sizemore took an electrode and stuck it on the non-english speaking patient and told him to keep checking it,but what I found funnier was when Nicolas Cage's character showed the guy how she should slice his wrists.


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## Jon (Jan 21, 2007)

m33kr0b said:


> I was transporting a psych pt once who was folding his non existent laundry in the air and matching his socks, he also claimed that the ambulance was being chased by squirrels.


I'm not sure if I've posted this before or not... I had an altered female psych patient claim there was a fan naked guy lying on the bench seat for a 45 minute transport... I was the ONLY person in the rig, and I was in the airway chair the whole time.


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## MedicPrincess (Jan 21, 2007)

Wow...I wish I could contribute to this subject....I NEVER have anything even remotely funny happen to me....


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## m33kr0b (Jan 22, 2007)

Jon said:


> I was in the airway chair the whole time.



Sure you were.


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## gradygirl (Jan 22, 2007)

I was on shift this past Saturday and saw another of our ambulances driving around the down town area of Hartford, so I started following them. Well, following turned to chasing, lasting about 10-15 min. We didn't even come close to hitting anyone! Though, we did break countless driving laws...


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## yowzer (Jan 23, 2007)

We're bringing a direct admit patient into a hospital floor late at night. Shared rooms. The door to the one he's going in is closed. Figuring whoever else is in there already is sensibly asleep, I open the door without knocking.

Oops.

Our patient's new roommate's girlfriend is still there, after visiting hours, and they're in bed, making out. 

I mumble an apology, back out, and close the door and give them a few minutes to get their clothing (Mostly hers. Those hospital gowns, you know...) Meanwhile, my partner's wanting to know what's wrong and I'm trying not to laugh.


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## smalltownemt (Mar 23, 2007)

*Ahhhh-psych patients*

This was my first pt transport as a basic where I was the tech in the back. My paramedic partner asked if I wanted to take the call, and boy was I in for a ride.  The pt was an adult male who lived with his mother.  Mom stated he needed to be taken to the hospital because he was scaring her.  The cops had responded on the call, and they decided to follow us into town to leave their car, then they would ride with us.  

My pt was seated on the gurney in the back of the rig, and on the drive into town he kept cursing and threatening to fight the cops who were following us.  We stopped to let the cop jump in with us, and I happened to be on the phone with the hospital trying to let them know we were coming.  Meanwhile, my pt takes off his seatbelts and starts trying to jump out the back door.  I quickly tell med control we will be there in 50 minutes, and I have to go.  I pull the pt back into the truck, and with my "teacher voice" tell him, "you told me you would wear your seatbelt."  Which surprisingly worked very well.

So, the cop gets in the rig, and introduces himself as Rich, and the pt replies "Oh no, your name is ****!"  The cop and I were laughing by then. 

Enroute, the pt continues to keep unbuckling his seatbelt, and I keep putting it back on.  As big as the guy was, it would not have worked well to make him mad by trying to restrain him.  We were just trying to keep him calm.  The pt starts asking for some water, and I tell him he can have some when we get to the hospital.  So the first second I'm not looking, the pt reaches into the cabinet, pulls out the hydrogen peroxide and starts chugging-ahhhhhhhhh!
So, I take that away.  Wow, I didn't know being an EMT required so much babysitting.

I had decided not to start an IV because I thought it would make the pt combative, but then out of nowhere, the pt asks, "Aren't you going to take my blood?"  So, he lets me start the IV and tells me about all the drugs he's ever done in his life-wow!  I wonder if that has anything to do with his current condition.

We finally reached the hospital and wheeled the pt in, and the charge nurse was a little freaked out.  She told me the last thing she heard on the cell phone when I called was, "No, don't go out that door....."  Then she thought I said we would be there in 15 minutes, when I really said 50.  So, she was wondering what happened.  If she only knew.....
:wacko:


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## Mercy4Angels (Mar 23, 2007)

one of the reasons i carry handcuffs


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## emtgirl_in_training (Apr 9, 2007)

We go to the local airport for an EDP.  60 y/o women who escaped from someplace in FL, whose been living in the airport x 1 week.  She was really upset because she was still waiting on Michael Jackson to western union her some money so she can get an apartment here.  Donald trump was her emergency contact, but she begged us not to call him.  Apparently the Donald is easily upsetable^_^


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## lfsvr0114 (Apr 15, 2007)

Had a psych pt we were transporting from the er to the local psych ward and since the pt was female, I rode in back with her.  She kept asking who the black guy was in the front seat that my partner was talking to.  I told her that there was no one up front except my partner.  Then she keeps turning her head from the side door window to the back door windows and starts getting antsy.  I ask her what is the matter and she says she sees midgets dressed as clowns hanging onto the doors and they keep jumping form the back to the side.  I keep from laughing and after the call, my partner confessed that he told her to "beware of the little people!"  Needless to say we had a good laugh.


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## lfsvr0114 (Apr 15, 2007)

Took another pt from the hospital to a rehab.  Enroute he kept putting his hand on my leg and asking questions like "are you married, do you cheat," etc. I kept politly removing his hand from my leg and telling him to please not touch me.  I was writing my paperwork when his hands went down the front of his shorts.  He started to masturbate and then exposed himself.  In my sternest voice I told him to put "it" away right now.  He did, then I asked him why he did that.  He said he did not have anything else to do with his hands.  I told him I have something he can do and handed him a blank sheet of paper and a pen and told him he could draw pictures until we get to the receiving facility.  He actually complied and the trip was uneventful after that.


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## TKO (Apr 18, 2007)

*Medic Olympics*

I remember hearing an event in school about a class of medics in the Yukon that had gained some notoriety for their "medic olympics": these funny fools took turns injecting themselves with Succinylcholine (SUCCS) and then sprinting off to see who could run the furthest before succumbing to the paralytic.

Sure, there was a winner -- but in the end, they were all losers.  LMAO!


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## hockeypaul81 (Apr 22, 2007)

Had two interesting calls within the last month or so...

1. My partner and I responded to a hypertensive emergency, on scene we're greeted at the door by a shirtless, mullet spoting fella who shows us to the PT in the bedroom...we make entry and find the supposed PT in her bed with the covers up to her chest, yes she had a shirt on. She was smoking a cig(important clue for later) and i asked her to put it out and of course her reply was "Do I have to?" So anyways, my partner and I began to interogate her to find out what the problem was and discovered that no one from that home called 9-1-1, her grandmother who is also a frequesnt flyer called for her.
After a lil interogation she states "I know I'm working myself up for the big one", "How so?" I ask. "Well, I dont care of my body, i eat what i want, i dont exercise, I smoke like a train and some times my arm gets tingly and numb". So my partner and i look at each other like "alrighty then"... My partner then ask if she can walk and before she can answer mullet man says shes naked under the covers(second clue).
So she obviously has a history and denies trans/Tx due to not having any insurance. I dont think we have _EVER _worked so hard to try to convience someone to go to the ER. So I go out to the truck to get the clipboard for the AMA and while im doing that on one side of the bed my medic is on the other side getting a BP. All is said and done so we clear....on the way back to the station he looks at me and ask if i saw that "monster" under her bed? Of course I wasnt so lucky. I asked him what it was and he said that when he went over to get the BP he accidently kicked somethin that was under the bed and kinda kicked it out into the open. He said it was this HUGE "female toy" that looked like it should have had a kick start on it!
I told him thats worth pulling me out of the room for and letting me know JUST to make sure I see it! I know though that i would have made damn sure to kick it and make some smart-*** comment to her. Prob a good thing he didnt i suppose....
It wasnt till we were back to the station and i was talking to my partner and one of the vol FFs that was on scene w/ us and it all clicked!
She was smokin a cig, he was shirtless, she was ONLY wearin a shirt and there was that "toy" that my partner kicked....so here is how I think it went down. These two jewels of the trailer park were getting down with the "toy"...it was getting intense and thats when granny calls only to hear her grandbaby on the other end having a hard time breathing, panting and probably telling her that she was just having another one of her episodes. It was a good one. If you dont think so then i guess you had to be there.

2. We're toned out to a Signal 27(poss dead person) and are told to respond no blink-blinks and no woo-woos which is odd to begin with. We get on scene and are met by a deputy who stated he just needs a confirmation on an elderly guy. We walk in and he is in twin bed up against the wall in the front way. His hand are crossed, eyes closed, pale and obvious levidty all over. We start to not even run a strip due to his presentation but when we feel how he is still warm we go ahead and do it anyways....it spikes twice then flattens out...talk about pucker factor! I think my heart skipped a beat...i know i stopped breathing for sure! Thats all fine and dandy, the poor guy was a lung ca pt and just got home from the hosp the day before.
Now the deputy ask us to help him roll the guy over so he can check for bullet holes...I look at him like "WTF?" and he says its just somethin he has to do for his investigation and to humor him...no biggie. Keep in mind, the bed is in the corner up against the wall.
So we go to roll the guy...deputy at the hips and Im at the shoulders. We start to roll him and his head rolls off the pillow and then it happens....THUD!!
with the family not 15 feet away, behind a wall in the kitchen this poor old guys head smacks the heck out of the wall. I think his forehead must have hit a stud or somethin because it was loud and it had some bass to it. We all just about fell out in the floor trying not to laugh! My partner got so red in the face...it was one of my not so proud moments but man it was hilarious!


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## OPQRST..eh (Jun 10, 2007)

*Exorcism*

It was about 0200 and we get called to an unknown.

Well we arrive and see a 20 something male sitting in the bushes. Well I walk up and ask what seems to be the problem, and the male looks up and starts to freaks out. The guy starts screaming that i'm evil and I must have the demon with in me released, he actually thinks i'm possesed by the devil and I need an exorcism. Before I can notice he pulls out his penis and starts peeing on me and saying the lords prayer. 

To this day my partner calls me devil girl and flick water on me and says the lords prayer just to get me going.


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## firetender (Jun 11, 2007)

FF/EMT Sam said:


> Amen. I once had a patient tell me that "You might think this sounds stupid, but I feel like I have a hamster running around in my chest." We both cracked up.


 
PAT -- okay, I need 10 characters, PAT


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## Amack (Jun 20, 2007)

Fedmedic said:


> Actually, I had a 101 uses for electrodes before I ever watched bringing out the dead. Yeah, I'm afraid I have been doing it that long. Also, if you take the old Motorola Minitor pagers and hold the squelch button and scan your patient, they make excellent "Star Trek" style scanners and tell you everything that is wrong with your patient; at least that is what they think...bet you didn't see that in bringing out the dead. Or if you take their medicaid cards and scan them in your radio box mounted on the wall in the back of your ambulance it will tell you that they have already had their limit on ambulance calls for the month....something to think about.



LMAO! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## Amack (Jun 20, 2007)

TKO said:


> I remember hearing an event in school about a class of medics in the Yukon that had gained some notoriety for their "medic olympics": these funny fools took turns injecting themselves with Succinylcholine (SUCCS) and then sprinting off to see who could run the furthest before succumbing to the paralytic.
> 
> Sure, there was a winner -- but in the end, they were all losers.  LMAO!




Hahahaha that's freak'n hilarious!


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## CFRBryan347768 (Apr 20, 2008)

ElvisIsDead said:


> You should be ashamed of yourself for laughing at a patient while in your care in the back of a unit. This person obviously needed your help and you let him down by laughing at him. I think that the term unethical may apply here. If you felt the need to laugh so badly you could have least waited until you had delivered your patient to the hospital and you were by yourself. Tis is why so many people refuse to seek help anymore for psychiatric problems. They're afraid they'll be ridiculed.
> Humor is a neccessity in this job; however not at the expense of those who depend completely on us to do our jobs.



I was waiting for a comment of this sort =D heh


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