# Patient Friendly Jokes



## wanderingmedic (Sep 10, 2017)

I like to tell (the same) jokes to patients to help lighten the mood and get people to relax. What patient friendly jokes do you have?

Here are some of mine:

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the school?
It's okay, he work up. 

Why did the aligator wear a vest?
because he was an in-vest-i-gator 

How much beer does it take to get a tropical bird drunk?
Two-cans

Why did the can crusher quit his job?
it was soda pressing

(before IV stick) Don't worry, this won't hurt me any.


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## elshion (Dec 11, 2017)

Whenever I put the pulse ox on them I say "can I see your hand I just need to put this on". When one gives me their middle finger I usually say "oh so it's been that kinda day hasn't it?" It takes them a second and most laugh a good bit from it. Haven't gotten a bad reaction yet. 

Also, whenever I get the billing sig I explain that "this is so we can bill your insurance, so that we don't have to come back and take one of your kidneys". I usually get a few laughs outta that one too


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## johnrsemt (Dec 13, 2017)

When I ask for a finger and they don't give me the middle finger I tell them that they missed a good chance to flip me off.
When I am getting ready to stick an IV or finger stick I tell them if it hurts to punch my partner,


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## mantree (Mar 7, 2018)

What do you call a bear in ear muffs?  Anything you want he can't hear you.


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## MSDeltaFlt (Mar 12, 2018)

Where does an 800lb gorilla sit?  Anywhere it wants to.


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## Ronfyre (Nov 28, 2020)

*How do you make best friends with a squirrel? *

Act like a nut.


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## Red Shirt 6 (Dec 23, 2020)

Depending on age and time I use these. 

*The Good Doctor
One Day a man tells a Doctor I want to live forever. So the Doctor asks him a few questions.
Doctor: How much meat do you eat? 
Man: I am vegan so no meat or animal products.
Doctor: Sex?
Man I am widowed, I do not date; no sex. 
Doctor: Do you gamble? Drink Alcohol? or play golf? 
Man: No I do not do any of that.

The Doctor pauses then says no meat, sex, drinking, gambling or golf. 
So why do you want to live forever? *

One day former president Bush is walking through an airport and sees Mosses. Bush does everything to engage Moses into a conversation. Bush yells why wont you talk to me!? and Moses replies The last time I talked to a Bush I spent 40 years wondering the desert. 

Which side of a bear has the most fur?
The outside.


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## Emily Starton (Dec 28, 2020)

Ronfyre said:


> *How do you make best friends with a squirrel? *
> 
> Act like a nut.


LOL, I really laugh hard at this one.


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## AmyClarkson (Jan 15, 2021)

Lol, thanks for this positive thread.


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## Martyn (Mar 1, 2021)

Quote '(before IV stick) Don't worry, this won't hurt me any.'

Patient: Will this hurt?
Me: Nope, I won't feel a thing


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## medicdan (Mar 9, 2021)

Why did two of us show up (me and my partner)?

Because we're PAIR-a-medics.


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## Mitchellmvhs (May 6, 2021)

I tend to say these to every pt

Loading pt in ambulance: we promise not to drop you! We only drop people on (whatever the day was).

Have you ever been in an ambulance? (If it’s first time): first and last time right?


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## Fezman92 (May 19, 2021)

After I get done taking vitals "You can take your arm back. So far no one has told me to keep it which is great. Lots of paperwork to fill out if that happens." Always gets a laugh. I had a double BTK amputee (we were taking him home from this second BTK surgery) who laughed and replied with "No I've given enough of me away at this point."


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## pregnancywhine (May 20, 2021)




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## Emily Starton (May 25, 2021)

Why did the pirate decide to become an EMT?

He wanted to do CP-ARRRRRRR!


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## ffemt8978 (May 25, 2021)

Emily Starton said:


> Why did the pirate decide to become an EMT?
> 
> He wanted to do CP-ARRRRRRR!


You're wandering into Dad Joke territory with that one.


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## Fezman92 (Aug 20, 2021)

Whenever I have a pt sign the standard paperwork I tell them “this is just saying that everything is confidential, authorization to bill insurance, and that you agreed to come with us and we didn’t kidnap you.” The last part always gets a laugh.


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