# How to let go.



## DragonClaw (Dec 19, 2019)

Long story short,  many of you know me enough to know I hold onto things that hurt me.  For no apparent reason other than habit. 

So how to you come to terms with the past? How do you make it less haunting and not a skeleton in your closet?

I've tried counseling a number of times to no avail.  It's probably me. 

What are some active techniques or hints or anything you find good to use?


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## CALEMT (Dec 20, 2019)

I believe it has a lot to do with the type A personality. I've lost friends and mentors in the line of duty. It sucks and the following days are crappy. For me they're gone, I can't change that. Either I can be an Eeyore and moap around or I can get on with my life. I choose to get on with my life. Same thing applies to pretty much everything else.


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## CALEMT (Dec 20, 2019)

You broke your ankle. Either you can piss and moan and be miserable about it or you can get on with your life, learn from your mistake, don't do it again, and move on.


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## DragonClaw (Dec 20, 2019)

CALEMT said:


> I believe it has a lot to do with the type A personality. I've lost friends and mentors in the line of duty. It sucks and the following days are crappy. For me they're gone, I can't change that. Either I can be an Eeyore and moap around or I can get on with my life. I choose to get on with my life. Same thing applies to pretty much everything else.



I've tried to do that.  Even with the dragons (name unrelated) back in the nest breathing fire and insults down my back, I finished EMT school with no help and much hindrance from them.  I got an A. I found hope to study. Not that my grade matters to anyone but me. Finished NREMT pretty fast. It was easy (perhaps my study habits paid off). Became an EMT and got a job,  moved out. But after all that,   My dad's words still ring,  "I predict you'll be fired from your job".  As we moved boxes into my place.  Why would he say that? He's not stupid and he's hired and fired people before,  but he's impossibly harsh and apathetic.



CALEMT said:


> You broke your ankle. Either you can piss and moan and be miserable about it or you can get on with your life, learn from your mistake, don't do it again, and move on.



It's more than that. I've doubled down on trying to get back on a truck,  making tons of phone calls to the dr and adjuster, etc. Making sure everyone has everything. Being early to appts and just doing anything I think will help.  And I've learned my lesson about rushing into things and thinking I can take too much.  Back to how I was feeling bulletproof. 

But my thoughts always end up negatively,  about my inefficiencies and failures.  I mean,  a strong man could have done it.  I'm weaker than that.  I got to the point I could load an empty gurney by myself and have done a few light pts on them too, and that's sad,  isn't it? Even if it's progress,  it feels pitiful that I'm happy to be that low.

It's like I'm failing by existing. That doesn't stop me from trying,  but it's just a battle I have fought my whole life. And I can't shake it.

I'm going to go to the gym more,  work on diet and stuff. I'm trying to fix my failures.  But like I said,  it's hard.


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## CCCSD (Dec 20, 2019)

You need to speak with a Therapist. You have some issues we can’t fix for you. Use the EAP referral, or see if your insurance covers it. It’s a GOOD thing to do.


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## DragonClaw (Dec 20, 2019)

CCCSD said:


> You need to speak with a a Therapist. You have some issues we can’t fix for you. Use the EAP referral, or see if your insurance covers it.



I called them today actually.  I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. 

But I want to make sure whatever insurance I get in the future will cover the provider I use in case I keep going.  But I won't have insurance till like February.


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## CALEMT (Dec 20, 2019)

DragonClaw said:


> My dad's words still ring, "I predict you'll be fired from your job"



Who gives a ****, prove him wrong. 



DragonClaw said:


> But my thoughts always end up negatively, about my inefficiencies and failures.



Ditch this like right freaking now. I'll give you 6 months in this career field if you keep thinking this way. 



DragonClaw said:


> I mean, a strong man could have done it. I'm weaker than that.



Go to a gym? Gain muscle? Gain endurance and stamina?



DragonClaw said:


> It's like I'm failing by existing. That doesn't stop me from trying, but it's just a battle I have fought my whole life. And I can't shake it.



If you're looking for my sympathy you'll find it in the dictionary somewhere between **** and syphilis. Not being a ****, but this whole I screwed up I hate myself, feel sorry for me is just a load of bull IMHO. Be an adult.


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## mgr22 (Dec 20, 2019)

It's hard to generalize advice about the feelings you're describing; plus, most of us here don't have the formal training to give you evidence-based suggestions about what to do next.

I imagine you'll get two broad categories of feedback: (1) suck it up and be a man (even though you're a woman), and (2) get professional help. I'm pretty sure the latter is a better route, considering other aspects of your upbringing you've described in past posts.


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## NomadicMedic (Dec 20, 2019)

I second the "get help" sentiment. You need more than you can get from us here.


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## VentMonkey (Dec 20, 2019)

Having been/ been raised as a “suck it up” person myself all that I can say is that it will also ultimately require some form of help.


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## DragonClaw (Dec 20, 2019)

VentMonkey said:


> Having been/ been raised as a “suck it up” person myself all I can say is that it will also ultimately require some form of help.



I've been doing it for years.  Grit your teeth and bare it, rub some dirt in it, don't cry out you'll have a reason to,  pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  

And it's led to me suffer quietly and alone.  

I have a lot of sheer determination to not lose,  to not give in, so I can indefinitely strain under the weight of my burdens.  

But why should I? Does it make me a better person? Have I built sufficient character in my trials? Maybe to some degree, but it leaves wounds that fester. Ones that have been holding me back.  

And I don't want that anymore.


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## VentMonkey (Dec 21, 2019)

Well, BOL Op. last tidbit I got is stop seeking help and reassurance from strangers on the internet.

Maybe you weren’t taught this life lesson, and that’s ok. Feel free not to reply and please for your own sake, get some professional or even spiritual help.


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## SSMTB (Dec 22, 2019)

I have found that learning to suffer physically through sports such as bike racing has helped me when I suffer mentally.  Meditation also has helped immensely with both mental and physical pain, although I am far from perfect and you’ll be struck to find someone who is. Just remember that even though they don’t speak of it, doesn’t mean or say others around you aren’t having issues too.


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## pregnancywhine (Apr 15, 2020)

I am sorry to hear, I feel how difficult that feeling is, maybe try to divert and do things that will make you happy. Best to start off that way.


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## Emily Starton (Apr 20, 2020)

The best way to let go of is to meditate.


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## ffemt8978 (Apr 20, 2020)

Emily Starton said:


> The best way to let go of is to meditate.


For some people, but not everyone.


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## Monday (May 20, 2020)

I am yet to read the full thread other than the opening post, so if missing something major or discussion addressed my points since, apologies.

As to letting go, I try to get why is it hard to let go. As in get what's the emotional hook holding me in or circling me back to that theme.

Say, if petty argument I can't forget for years is actually echoing things said on a bad call or similar bad outcome situations?

Yeah, I need to go down to the root cause. Clean up that. Redress.

Counseling not working out... Try different modalities, and a variety of counselors. Not all therapies are good for everyone. CBT style everything usually helps with how one thinks about things. EMDR can help on details of bad calls that stick out and won't let one sleep in the nights.

Meditation (not its watered down Western version - actual Asian raised trustworthy teacher supervised years long practice), martial arts (usual schools don't mess these up so bad, so not objecting as with meditation here), art, picking up new hobby that makes you happy or soothes you, meds in combo or without counseling, talking to people and not bottling it up can all help a lot.

And some things, a lifetime doesn't erase... and that is okay. It means the lessons found in them should be kept. Unpleasant and painful they are, they gave you something to live by, do or not do, for a lifetime.


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## Bullets (May 20, 2020)

Fortunately for me, i am married to a therapist. She specializes in first responders health, as she was and still is a working EMT on the side and comes from a family of cops. She does a lot of resiliency training and this type of stuff come up a lot.

First thing is problem solving skills. Focus on the things you can change and learn to accept what you can not. Some **** about this job sucks, but not a lot can we do about it, especially with patients. But there is plenty we can. Every patient is a chance to make a tiny difference.

Second, you need a professional therapist. Now. What you are saying here is concerning. I am dead serious


DragonClaw said:


> But my thoughts always end up negatively, about my inefficiencies and failures


Specifically this. If this is what you are telling us, that you have frequent negative thoughts you need to talk to someone. If you cant find anyone DM me and we can talk


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