# I sthere something wrong with me?



## RavenMaster (Feb 6, 2008)

Okay I am still a student even though I have my "certificate of accomplishment" I decided to take the NREMT preperation course that focuses strictly on the NREMT preperation. Anyway I still go on ride alongs and to be honest I haven't seen anything that really bothers me that much, last night for example I went on  a ride along with AMR, in which an infant had a laceration superior of the abdominal medial to right side. When we got there the infant was already 3 minutes into arrest.
Anyway the rest of the dedtails are irrelevant but when I told this too my wife and she asked how i felt i told her honestly that it didn't bother me that much, she told me, very seriously, that it worried her that i was nto effected by that.
What do you guys think?


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## Epi-do (Feb 6, 2008)

First of all, there isn't any right or wrong way to react to what we see and deal with.  Everyone is different and will have different reactions to the same run.  There are so many factors that play into what will and won't affect you.  I go on plenty of runs where I don't have a strong reaction to the situation.  Fortunately the ones that really stick with you are few and far between.

I am lucky that I have only had to work 2 or 3 peds arrests in 8+ years.  One of them stuck with me for a while - it was just a really tragic situation that didn't have to occur had the parents been acting like parents instead of {insert favorite description here}.  Then there was the kid that had been sick since the day he was born and had so many health issues that he had more gadgets than Get Smart.  He coded on the way to the ER and was called seconds after we wheeled him in.  It was a situation where you couldn't help but feel they were in a better place.  Then there are the runs where whatever has happened (even if it is bad) and you just drop them off and walk away.  

You don't have to get emotionally connected to every run you have.  You *can't* get emotionally connected to every run.  It would destroy you.  You should be empathetic and caring to be a good provider, but I have seen enough "bad" medics/EMTs to know that isn't truly a requirement either.  Don't worry how everyone else reacts to things, and as long as you feel _something_ I am sure you will be fine.


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## RavenMaster (Feb 6, 2008)

Thank you that actually helped alot.


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## Ridryder911 (Feb 6, 2008)

Me thinks there is a problem. Sorry, I believe you maybe hiding emotions or attempting to prove something to yourself, especially this being something new, without prior experience. 

There is much difference between affecting you and getting to you. If you are discussing making you ill, or grossing you out, that is much different not having any feelings. Like many have described everyone responds differently. It is the way of appropriate dealing with such occurrences that determines how well one will adjust to the profession. 

As the old saying when it does not get to you, time for a new profession. Empathy....not sympathy is needed for this profession. 

This is how many times PTSD begins. 

R/r 911


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## RavenMaster (Feb 6, 2008)

Don't get me wrong, it's ntot that I don't not feel anything, I think its sad about this child and the circumstances, but it didn't _bother_ me per se. 
Maybe it comes from being a corner driver or being in the military i don't know, but I haven't even started this profession truely and i don't want to give it up before i start....
Hrmm, I will have to take what your saying into consideration,
Thank you


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## firetender (Feb 7, 2008)

I'll agree with and expand on Epi-do's position. Different calls at different times affect us in different ways. You're likely in a stage right now -- being new to the game -- that you don't even know what you can tolerate. The call as you described it was a lot to sort through, and its ramifications will likely seep in to your experience rather than come bursting in like a revelation of who you are.

Your wife will question your reactions. You will question your reactions. You both need to understand that this is new territory for both of you. There are things that you will be able to express around her and other things that are best expressed elsewhere and with others. You'll have to figure what those are together. The important thing is that you don't cut out whatever emotions you are having, and find places to express them APPROPRIATELY.

Cutting out the sharing of who you are in the life that you're living would be the yellow flag here.

There's a difference between not feeling anything (like a charge -- negative or positive) and being indifferent or cold to the suffering of others. You will need to discover the difference. By allowing yourself to find an outlet to express the more challenging things that WILL come up for you, you'll stay ahead of the game.

The important thing, as Rid implies, is to not choke yourself with a backlog of things you've refused to look at. Be willing to live, look, and share, and get into the habit now.


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## TheMowingMonk (Feb 8, 2008)

I would think just on the fact that you are worried something is wrong with you, that means there is nothing wrong with you. You still care about the situation. I can understand were your coming from. One call i had was a female rape victim. Pelvic bleeding all the stuff, on top of the fact that she was histerical and a bit intoxicated. Of the three person crew i was with that responded to the call, the girl on my crew had to leave the room because she started to tear up. The other just started hating the situation. The whole thing didnt make me feel emotionally upset at all, i was in there caring for the girl and making sure she was ok. And i think keeping your reserve in those situations is necesary for the sake of the pt. I dont think there is anything wrong with me that i wasnt effected emotionally by the situation, i feel right that i went in and took care of the pt and did what needed to be done. It just part of the EMS life. And just the fact that you are worried that people questioned you reaction to the situation shows that you are still human and not an emotionless shell even though that situation didnt phase you.


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## certguy (Feb 8, 2008)

People in EMS who will tell you nothing ever gets to them are either lying or they just haven't had the call that did yet . You're very new to the field . In time you'll find that certain calls will bother you . This is perfectly natural . Don't forget , you're just as human as your pts. For the duration of the call , you need to put your emotions on the back burner and do what needs to be done , then afterwards , don't be afraid to talk things out with your partner or if needed , get CIS counseling . Don't try to John Wayne your way through and bottle things up . I can tell you from experience , that doesn't work . 

                              Craig


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## SC Bird (Feb 8, 2008)

Everybody has different coping mechanisms...maybe you are able to deal with the pediatric pucker factor that gets to a lot of people.  

I believe that everybody has a predetermined "hot button" that will really hit them hard.  Whether it be a close friend, your first pediatric call, or simply the one you really wanted to save and had worked them for an hour.....

Just be honest with yourself when dealing with these situations...if it bothers you, don't be afraid to admit that.

-Matt


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## Irishmike85 (Feb 8, 2008)

I agree with SC Bird completely. Everybody has a "hot button." Though pediatrics is one of the most common things to bother most of us, it may not be your particular weak point. I know for me it is not the blood, guts, and wounds that I have found troublesome, but the more subtle things like the look in an old womans eyes when you have to call a code on her husband of forty-some years right in front of her. Also keep in mind that the things that you see and experience on particularly intense calls may not affect you immediately. Sometimes it can take days or even weeks for something to hit you. Overall I think you'll do fine, you obviously want to help people or else you wouldn't have chosen to pursue this job in the first place. That to me means that you couldn't be a cold hearted guy. Good luck on your exams and be safe when you finally do get out in the street.


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## ILemt (Feb 12, 2008)

certguy said:


> People in EMS who will tell you nothing ever gets to them are either lying or they just haven't had the call that did yet . You're very new to the field .                               Craig




While new to this forum, Ive been an emt for several years, I cant even tell you how many calls Ive been on. 
I have never, NEVER been bothered by a call, and Ive done everything up to and including CPR on a minor-aged family member. 
Call me a sociopath if you want, but thats the truth. 
Now don't get me wrong, Ive never been distant with a pt. Just never been disturbed.


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## firecoins (Feb 12, 2008)

I saw the body of an elderly woman who jumped out of her apartment 17 stories.  This didn't bother me despite the fact it was gruesome.  

The other day we transfer a 2 year old with a trach post respitory arrest to the E.R. They had brain damage from choking on food.  That bothered me.


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## firetender (Feb 12, 2008)

Methinks it's all like riding a motorcycle. There's two kinds of Bikers, those that have fallen off and those that are gonna fall off. I know no exceptions.


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## RavenMaster (Feb 12, 2008)

Wow I got alot of great responses here and I appreciate it heavily. This has been an awesome insight to me. Heres what I have gotten from it:
That either
1. I just haven't been on that certain type of call that will bother me,
2. That maybe it does bother me more than i thought its just difficult to realize it just yet because Im new.

Thanks guys. It gave me alot of insight


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## Jon (Feb 13, 2008)

firecoins said:


> I saw the body of an elderly woman who jumped out of her apartment 17 stories.  This didn't bother me despite the fact it was gruesome.
> 
> The other day we transfer a 2 year old with a trach post respitory arrest to the E.R. They had brain damage from choking on food.  That bothered me.


Yep.

My personal defense for blood and gore is to say "wow, that looks neat" or "I've never seen that before".

Kids are tough, though, for many of us. For some of us, that is because we ARE kids, and for others, it is because we HAVE kids. I think, though, that we are raised to protect the young, and when bad things happen to kids, we feel as if "we" have failed.


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## Outbac1 (Feb 14, 2008)

For some reason people think we do a lot of big bloody traumas. We don't. We do a lot of medical calls. But to answer them when they ask, " How do you handle all the blood". I usually answer, "It's not mine. I didn't cause the problem. I'm there to help". 

  Some calls do bother you though and you have to work through it. Sometimes by talking to your peers and maybe through a critical incident debrief. You have to work through them, otherwise it will eat you up at some point in time.  If you don't deal with it, it is like putting things in a shoebox and shoving it in the closet. That works for awhile but someday you are going to open the door to put in another and everything will fall out. 

  Keep your closet tidy.


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## emtwacker710 (Mar 18, 2008)

i dont think there is "anything wrong with you" as your thread title said, everyone takes losses and events like that differently, like my first full arrest which came toned out as a seizure, (the guy actually didn't have one it just looked that way to bystanders we found out later) but anyways, I thought about it for a while and talked to some people about it (people that were on the call) and I can still remember the time of death as 9:45pm..anyways after that and riding quite a bit I've come to not really be affected by some things while others bother me, it's all how a person takes stuff..


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## paramedix (Mar 25, 2008)

If I feel one bit "whacked" by a call I talk about it, not boasting, but discussing it with someone that was on the scene with me and if I dont feel "better" I will take it further. 

Talk is cheap, but words are priceless.


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