# Universal Truisms



## ffemt8978 (Oct 28, 2004)

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 

2. A day without sunshine is like, night. 

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory. 

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet. 

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 

10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese in the trap. 

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. 

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. 

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week. 

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. 

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! 

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. 

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it! 

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. 

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand... 

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark? 

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously
overlooked something. 

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what
happened. 

37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak


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## Jon (Dec 30, 2004)

> _Originally posted by ffemt8978_@Oct 27 2004, 11:23 PM
> * 10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
> *


 Nah - He who laughs last, didn't get the joke in the first place.

Jon


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## Phridae (Dec 31, 2004)

Those were great. Some made me laugh and some made me think. Thanks!


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## ffemt8978 (Dec 31, 2004)

> _Originally posted by Phridae_@Dec 30 2004, 11:00 PM
> * Those were great. Some made me laugh and some made me think. Thanks! *


 What was that about laughing last...

Just kidding


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## coloradoemt (Dec 31, 2004)

How about this...

One of the safest things ever invented is a rearveiw mirror,
With a police car in it...


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## ffemt8978 (Dec 31, 2004)

> _Originally posted by coloradoemt_@Dec 31 2004, 02:06 PM
> * How about this...
> 
> One of the safest things ever invented is a rearveiw mirror,
> With a police car in it... *


 That's called "Smokey Pokey":  When drivers suddenly obey ALL traffic laws because a police car is in sight.


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## coloradoemt (Jan 3, 2005)

That's called "Smokey Pokey": When drivers suddenly obey ALL traffic laws because a police car is in sight. 

Yes it is an amazing phenomenon is it not!!??


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## Phridae (Jan 19, 2005)

> _Originally posted by ffemt8978+Dec 31 2004, 01:20 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>*QUOTE* (ffemt8978 @ Dec 31 2004, 01:20 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Phridae_@Dec 30 2004, 11:00 PM
> * Those were great. Some made me laugh and some made me think. Thanks! *


What was that about laughing last...

Just kidding   [/b][/quote]
 Let me just say, I am a blonde. And though most of those stupid blonde jokes offend me, I still use that excuse. =p


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## coloradoemt (Feb 6, 2005)

> _Originally posted by Phridae+Jan 19 2005, 04:14 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>*QUOTE* (Phridae @ Jan 19 2005, 04:14 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Let me just say, I am a blonde. And though most of those stupid blonde jokes offend me, I still use that excuse. =p [/b][/quote]
 The ole helpfull double standard then...    :lol:


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