# When it gets to you



## Rin (Aug 20, 2014)

Having a bad night...what do you guys do to deal when a call gets to you?


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## Chewy20 (Aug 20, 2014)

The best thing to do is to talk to another person in EMS. Use this forum if you have too.

For me? I am pretty good at leaving work at work but have had a couple calls come home with me. Usually I will just hangout with friends and get my mind off it. If you have a hobby like fishing or something then go do that. Just don't resort to the booze, bad way to try and forget stuff and becomes a habit.


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## mgr22 (Aug 20, 2014)

I second Chewy20's suggestions. Talk about it publicly or privately. Part of working in EMS is learning to "titrate" time away from it so your job doesn't become your life.


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## Medic Tim (Aug 20, 2014)

http://codegreencampaign.org/

check this site out


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## joshrunkle35 (Aug 20, 2014)

For me, I find that speaking with a non-ems friend who I know will not judge or say anything to anyone else, that works best for me. I had something similar two years ago where I questioned all of my actions. Spoke with two friends and my girlfriend and it didn't really help, it was just speaking with one particular friend that really did help. He helped me understand that anyone going through what I went through might have made the same calls and might have doubted themselves as well. I was distraught for a week until I spoke with that person. Couldn't eat, sleep, etc., but talking was what made all the difference. If it's something similar, speak with those around you who care about you

If it is something smaller...some days I just have a rough day. One day, a few weeks ago, I (a newer paramedic) had a call where I was speaking with a patient who exhibited all the signs of ETOH. I never smelled anything, and couldn't shake this feeling that I had that this person was actually having a cerebellar stroke. I called for assistance from a nearby medic (while I was asking the patient questions and trying to get vitals) who was basically like, "Yeah, I think I faintly smelled ETOH." (Despite the fact that I had been speaking with this person for 15 minutes by the time the sheriff's office got there and never smelled ETOH, even though I was in the patient's face speaking with them the whole time) This patient did not want medical assistance and I could not take many vital signs, although I did get a glucose level, which was normal. Either way, I had to get the sheriff's office involved. The sheriff's were like, "Sure, we'll take him in for ETOH and let him sleep it off." I kind of just went with the more seasoned medic's (and the deputies' opinion) and let them take him, despite the fact that my gut was screaming, "No, let's send him to the ER and call in a stroke alert." At the end of the day, I spoke with a senior medic, who essentially said, "Always go with your gut." Frankly, that was all I needed to hear...someone else who does the same job, but is very experienced, validating my opinions and reminding me that I do a good job (other than that case) and should trust myself. I could either be sad about feeling like I did the wrong thing forever, or I could learn from it and become a better medic. 

Some days I just drive a very long route home or try to go for a run before I see my family. Sometimes I just need 30 minutes to decompress. Just as long as the decompression doesn't come from a bottle.


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## Rin (Aug 20, 2014)

I had a dying patient with agonal respirations the other night.  I was fine with it at the time, but the next day I could barely get out of bed, body hurting all over (but not real pain, if you know what I mean).  I can't stop thinking about my family member I watched suffocate to death in the ED a few weeks ago.  I'm going to get out today & try to do something constructive.


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## Chewy20 (Aug 20, 2014)

Rin said:


> I had a dying patient with agonal respirations the other night.  I was fine with it at the time, but the next day I could barely get out of bed, body hurting all over (but not real pain, if you know what I mean).  I can't stop thinking about my family member I watched suffocate to death in the ED a few weeks ago.  I'm going to get out today & try to do something constructive.


 
Just have to remember that it is a part of life to pass on. It is also part of the job seeing it first hand, sometimes there is nothing more you can do. If you stay in EMS there will be plenty of calls like this, it may get easier for you or may not. If not then it may be healthy to choose a different path for your own sanity.


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## titmouse (Aug 20, 2014)

Talk about it with friends and family, and accept the fact that the person is dying. Its hard but its real, take pride  in the fact that you were there for that person in their last moments and you were there for the family as well. And keep in mind that you will have many more of those patients, its a part of our job.


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## Rin (Aug 20, 2014)

It's still so fresh. My relative's death was unexpected. It was slow and she suffered.  I still don't understand what happened and I'm angry about it.  I wish I could've taken time off to deal with it, but I had to stuff it down and go back to work.  Watching a patient gasp out her last breaths really brought it back.  I'm hoping it just fades with time.


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## titmouse (Aug 20, 2014)

Rin said:


> It's still so fresh. My relative's death was unexpected. It was slow and she suffered.  I still don't understand what happened and I'm angry about it.  I wish I could've taken time off to deal with it, but I had to stuff it down and go back to work.  Watching a patient gasp out her last breaths really brought it back.  I'm hoping it just fades with time.


It will. I lost my dad to a MI during EMT school as I was studying about heart attacks and had two patients suffering a heart attack 12 hours before my dad died of one.


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## LACoGurneyjockey (Aug 21, 2014)

The hardest calls for me are the ones I relate to family. The pediatric arrest the same age as my sister, or the rollover with ejection that had an uncanny resemblance to my uncle. I just have to tell myself you did your job, you did the absolute best you could to care for your patient, and at a certain point it's beyond your control. Find a coping mechanism like others have said, running, riding my dirtbike, taking a long drive thru the desert, whatever works for you but find something you can do when you get off work to decompress and process it. I've always preferred to talk it out with others in EMS just because they know where I'm coming from, just be clear up front that you don't want criticism, feedback etc on how the call went, just support on how to process it.


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## Akulahawk (Aug 21, 2014)

I'm going to echo something. Find a coping mechanism that's a positive outlet for your stress. Medicating your sorrows doesn't work for long and it can really screw up your career. Those are destructive paths. Find someone in EMS, or that was, because they know the reality of what we do. Sure, while others can listen, but it often feels better to discuss things like this with someone you know has been in your shoes and is willing to maintain confidentiality. 

Losing loved ones is never easy and while the sense of loss may never fade, the hurt feelings often do fade with time. Never, ever second-guess yourself about where you were and what you were doing at the time. Usually you don't know far enough ahead to make any significant difference about being there or not being there. It often doesn't help thing when you go down the road of, "if only I'd been there." 

It's OK to talk to someone and it's OK to go do something positively constructive. It's not OK to bottle stuff up inside.


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## Jason (Aug 21, 2014)

I've been a Paramedic for 10ys.  ALS for 16yrs.  I was an EMT for about 6yrs before all that.  Started in EMS when I was 17 ...  ... these are all good responses.  All I can say is ... Please find someone to talk to.  Someone close that can just listen, or someone that understands medicine and can help listen and give some feedback.  Hobbies ... are great too.   Many EMS providers get burned out so quickly due to stress.  Save yourself ... so you can save another.


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## Rin (Aug 21, 2014)

Well, I got my cardio on today followed by an intense round of swimming and hot tubbing.  I think I've decided on becoming a workout-aholic.


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## STXmedic (Aug 21, 2014)

Rin said:


> Well, I got my cardio on today followed by an intense round of swimming and hot tubbing.  I think I've decided on becoming a workout-aholic.


Cardio (specifically running) keeps me sane. I've yet to find a problem that an easy ten couldn't fix.


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## Rin (Aug 21, 2014)

Water really does it for me, whether it's staring at the waves on the beach or floating & drifting in the pool.  I need to get my hands on a kayak.


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## Jason (Aug 22, 2014)

I'm glad to hear you found a positive outlet.  Sounds like you'll do well.
Most of us here, not to speak for everyone, but most of us here have had tough times and bad calls.  I'm sure any of us will listen to the need to vent and release stress and the sadness that may come.  Keep it up, take care of yourself  ...  You are gonna run into people that are gonna need you.


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## Tunamate (Aug 29, 2014)

I surf! It's saved my life many times from drowning in my sorrows. The ocean is an amazing place to sort your head out.
And if you can, find someone to talk to


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## titmouse (Aug 30, 2014)

Tunamate said:


> I surf! It's saved my life many times from drowning in my sorrows. The ocean is an amazing place to sort your head out.
> And if you can, find someone to talk to


When there are waves, lately it's been flat.


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## Bishop (Aug 31, 2014)

I know I'm less than  rookie. Haven't even started clinicals, but what helps me destress life's troubles in general is kayaking or backpacking. I mention this because you brought up kayaking. 
For me, it's about simplifying life, if only for a little while. When I'm Hiking or kayaking the life goal is very simple. See that tree up there? Walk to it. Got another 4 miles today? Better keep walking right after this break. If I'm out for multiple days it's even better. My life is no more complicated than what I can fit my kayak or on my back. What I'll wear, eat, and do for entertainment has already been mapped out. What else is there but to look around and enjoy the scenery.
Whatever you come up, I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like those who the practical experience have chimed in with good advice, God's speed to you.


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## Mondale Lucas (Aug 31, 2014)

I have been in EMS for 3 Years now and I must say that this Job has taken its toll on me. I currently work at a Private EMS company in NYC and I HATE MY JOB. At first I liked the Job and was very excited when I first got my Tech Card. Now I'm over the Low Paying Salary Scale, The MANDATES, back to back calls, working with partners you can't stand, Stupid Dispatchers,  and going lights and sirens for ******** calls because a dispatchers screw up. So now I don't even want to go to medic school. I have made my decision to become a Dialysis Technician and eventually Become a Registered Nurse In Dialysis.  I have a passion for Nephrology.  I will still keep my EMT B card because it's always a hustle to make some money but I don't plan on ever using it again once I get into Dialysis. If you love EMS do it. But if it's not your passion or desire then the Job will eat you alive.


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## Rin (Aug 31, 2014)

@Mondale Lucas

I feel you on the partners issue.  I'm to the point I dread going to work some days.  Always working with someone new, and having them ignore, dismiss, and disrespect me because I'm a woman...I'm sick of it.  It makes for a long day in the squad and it's just another straw on the camel when I'm having a rough time.  

Sucking it up all the time, trying not to be the constantly complaining trouble employee, then being dismissed by my supes when I finally break down and come to them with a legitimate issue.  I think I just need a new company, if only I can hold out through medic school.


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## Jason (Aug 31, 2014)

Rin said:


> @Mondale Lucas
> 
> I feel you on the partners issue.  I'm to the point I dread going to work some days.  Always working with someone new, and having them ignore, dismiss, and disrespect me because I'm a woman...I'm sick of it.  It makes for a long day in the squad and it's just another straw on the camel when I'm having a rough time.
> 
> Sucking it up all the time, trying not to be the constantly complaining trouble employee, then being dismissed by my supes when I finally break down and come to them with a legitimate issue.  I think I just need a new company, if only I can hold out through medic school.


Hold out Rin. Get ur Medic (NRP).  That will open more doors.  You can do it.  So many of us want good, competent parnters and coworkers.  You will find your fit.


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## Tunamate (Sep 3, 2014)

titmouse said:


> When there are waves, lately it's been flat.


Thankfully where i live there are always waves....
Otherwise I make my own


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## Tunamate (Sep 3, 2014)

Rin said:


> @Mondale Lucas
> 
> I feel you on the partners issue.  I'm to the point I dread going to work some days.  Always working with someone new, and having them ignore, dismiss, and disrespect me because I'm a woman...I'm sick of it.  It makes for a long day in the squad and it's just another straw on the camel when I'm having a rough time.
> 
> Sucking it up all the time, trying not to be the constantly complaining trouble employee, then being dismissed by my supes when I finally break down and come to them with a legitimate issue.  I think I just need a new company, if only I can hold out through medic school.



I guess it's it's really tough for girls in the industry.
personally i know some amazing ladies who keep their feminine side but can kick your ***
at the job if they need to.
It's all about your attitude and how you deal with it.
You can't afford to take things personally or you'll get swallowed up.
Keep your head up and find your own unique way of getting it done


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## Tigger (Sep 3, 2014)

I'll never find fault with a recommendation to talk to coworkers or other providers you know. It's nice to go over stuff with someone who has been there, even if it's not to critique a call. But don't discount talking to non-medical people. I've been working for a few years but I am far from a veteran and I certainly have not come close to seeing it all. All my coworkers have pretty much seen it all however. 

They're rarely surprised on calls when I'm thinking in the back of my mind "Oh man I have never seen anything like this, and this is not good." There is no getting around it, eventually you'll see stuff at work that's not for the faint of heart and emotionally trying. I find that my coworkers downplay everything, which makes me second guess myself for not doing the same. Sometimes I need someone detached from the work world to remind me that occasionally we are forced to deal with some horrific things, and that it's not a big deal to be affected by that. 99% of the world would be affected by some of the calls we run, don't think you have to be different and block it all out, all the time.


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## SSwain (Sep 26, 2014)

During the warmer months, I find getting out on my sailboat is the best coping mechanism I have at my disposal.  During the colder months...if any hunting season is open, I get out and do that. It gets me outdoors and when I am out there, my mind is free to absorb all that nature has to offer.
During the snowy months, I either ice fish or snowboard.
 Snowboard is a recently new activity for me. I am 43... kinda late in the game to be starting this, but I get to get out and spend time on the slopes with my son.

As a last resort, I have a neighbor who is an ER nurse. When either of us gets a really bad one... we agreed to talk to the other if needed. Our spouses don't understand what we have seen or done while working....but the two of us do, and it helps to have someone who can relate, and let you talk, cry, scream or whatever helps.


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## TransportJockey (Sep 26, 2014)

Shooting and blowing things up. Seriously lol. Either photography or firearms


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## Fire51 (Sep 26, 2014)

Rin said:


> It's still so fresh. My relative's death was unexpected. It was slow and she suffered.  I still don't understand what happened and I'm angry about it.  I wish I could've taken time off to deal with it, but I had to stuff it down and go back to work.  Watching a patient gasp out her last breaths really brought it back.  I'm hoping it just fades with time.



I can sit here and say it will fade but it's different for everyone. I toke care of my mother while she was on hospice and watched her suffer. I also saw her take her last breath. I have been on a couple of calls since then where I sit with the family as they watch there loved one take their last breath. It was hard to see this and makes me always think of my mother. The first time I saw this after her death I had a very hard time with it, a good thing for me is My father has been in ems for 30+ years and 24 of them as a medic so it really helped to be able to talk to him. Now when I am on those calls I feel like I am the best one to be there because I have went through what the family is going through & I can relate to it and hopefully bring as much comfort to them as possible. You will never forget about it but you will learn how to deal with it, hopefully in a positive way.

So all I can say is talk to you who you feel most comfortable with, it helps believe me. If it helps try to look at it like I do now. You can always pm me if you want I am more than  happy to listen and talk with you. Just keep in mind what everyone else has said and remember it will be hard at first to deal with but know that you can. I hope your doing good and just let me know if you want to talk.


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## Rick Tresnak (Oct 2, 2014)

It builds compassion.


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## Ensihoitaja (Oct 2, 2014)

Having someone to talk to helps. Like others have said, it can help to have an understanding person outside of EMS that you can talk to, it can sometimes remove the need to keep up appearances with coworkers. 

I find that exercise helps me a great deal, too. It's one of the reasons I love bike commuting to work- I always get 30 minutes of exercise after work, no matter what and it really helps to clear my mind.

Don't be afraid to get professional help, too. If your employer has an employee assistance plan make use of it! I had a call early in my career that was awful and completely overwhelming. Eventually some good friends convinced me to see a counselor and I'm very glad I did.  Looking back, I don't think I would have been able to continue in EMS had I not done that and I wish I would have done it sooner.


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## drjekyl75 (Oct 12, 2014)

It's different for everyone, when I was a new EMT I worked with a paramedic who was really good. We got a call to her uncle's house and he was in cardiac arrest. She worked him as hard as anyone could and he didn't make it. I at the time couldn't fathom how she was able to keep her composure through that. She tucked her emotions away for the moment did her job and after the call was done she let her emotions. We talked about it after awhile and she used the company's EAP and said having a "stranger" to talk to made it better for her. She said she didn't feel like she was being judged or looked at as weak. She was worried that showing any emotion would get her labeled as weak with the guys around the company. Hang in there and keep your head up. Seek out what you need to help you cope, just don't keep it all bottled up.


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