# "Best" things heard in dispatch



## vc85

This is mostly for those that worked in dispatch, but I think everyone can relate to it

What are the some of the doozies you have heard working dispatch or have had a dispatcher tell you about a caller, etc...

My two bests, both came from assisted living/"skilled" nursing care places:

1. And I quote: "I don't need no EMTs or nothin' like that but I need an ambulance for two patients.  One has a blood pressure of 250/130 with a bad headache, the other is altered mental status.":blink:


2. Caller:  The patient is having general weakness
    Me:      Okay, so weak all over their body
    Caller:  Yes, weakness all over the left side of their body, and their face is even drooping on that side
    Me:    ....:blink:


----------



## mycrofft

*"True tapes of Offutt Crash Rescue 1976" (watch for it next fall)*

Caller: :This is Sarpy County Sheriff Deputy WXYZski, we see an odd-looking light to the south and we would like you to send up a jet to check it out".

DISPATCHER DAN: "*Are you sh:censored::censored:'in" me!!??*"
===========================================
Same dispatcher a month later:

Assistant Chief on radio: "Control, where is that reported fire again?"

DISPATCHER: "Uh, uh….".

Asst Chief: "Control, where is it?!".

DISPATCHER: "Uh, look for the smoke!".


----------



## EMDispatch

In no particular order:

"So... The aliens are on your roof?"
"You can stop doing CPR, if they're talking to you they don't need it"
"Your house is on fire? .... Get the F--- out of the house!"
"You need the police to take your child to school?"
"I'm sorry I don't have the time to tell you how to tie your tie."
"What is the Pink elephant saying to you?"
"I'm sorry I don't know the hours for McDonalds."
"You chased the turkey across the road... and now it's angry at you?"
"So you're calling because the deer aren't crossing between the signs?"
"How many hours have has it been like that? oh, days... yep they say to call after a few hours."
"There's and accident where? Oh, you can see the emergency vehicles on scene? Yes we're aware of the accident"
"You got---- stuck in your ----"
"So you called the police, but don't want them to respond or take a report?"
"They stole your crack?"
"No I don't know how long it'll take at the hospital"

Sorry for the rez, but I had to share some.


----------



## johnrsemt

Person called and stated he was in cardiac arrest and wanted to know if he should start CPR on HIMSELF.

Floor nurse in hospital called 911 cause her patient was in cardiac arrest.


----------



## OnceAnEMT

johnrsemt said:


> Floor nurse in hospital called 911 cause her patient was in cardiac arrest.



Not to generalize floor nurses, I've seen some real good ones, but have also seen some blue scrubs hit the fan when their, or any, Pt crashes. Had one a week ago drop hospital tones for a cardiac arrest when the Pt was postictal and talking to me.

Medic: -Hospital Name- this is -Medic#-, we are inbound with a 35 y/o male complaining of toe pain. End report. ETA 5 minutes.
Hospital: -Medic#-, trauma room assignment on arrival.


----------



## avdrummerboy

Dispatch to units: "...Male with.... with.....ah.... with a hard on for six hours now."

Sad thing is, this was a repeat patient, though the next few times he called it was dispatched as a 'medical aid.' Lol I'm assuming that someone in the dispatch center got a talking to.


----------



## Mtnmedic

"AA 5-5, I'll show you enroute to (address) for a man bitten on his big toe by a poisonous fish. Fire is enroute as well."

"AA 5-5...we copy.  You said poisonous fish....um....big toe?"

"Yeah.  We asked the RP the same thing.  Apparently he dipped his foot into an aquarium.  Don't ask me why."


----------



## johnrsemt

Dispatched for a pt bit by his pet tarantula at a gas station.   I never did figure out why he took it to the gas station.


----------



## squirrel15

johnrsemt said:


> Dispatched for a pt bit by his pet tarantula at a gas station.   I never did figure out why he took it to the gas station.


He took his best friend to "get cigarettes and milk"


----------



## Smitty213

Dis-"Radio to 42"
Amb-"42, go ahead"
Dis-"42, you're going hot with PD, Church St, east of Main, in the area of the woods there, for a 35yo F stating she's going to light herself on fire"
Amb-"Copy Radio... how hot do you want this; with all the trees, this could get ugly"
Dis-"42, per PD request, as hot as usual... I'll get fire on standby"
Amb"(chuckling) copy, on the way"
(Other unit from south part of the county)" Careful there 42, we still need to acquire a shrubbery!"


----------



## MS Medic

Was dispatched out a medical call. Dispatch had me call on the phone. They had to let me know the call was for a pt who said her "tooty-cat is hurting"


----------



## Kelly McHaney

Lol! Are you serious? How did you not laugh at the person? How did you handle the situation?


----------



## MS Medic

Kelly McHaney said:


> Lol! Are you serious? How did you not laugh at the person? How did you handle the situation?


My basic rule is to always be polite and courteous to the pt until they give me a reason not to be. I usually laugh at them behind their backs at moments like this.


----------



## AllGoode

MS Medic said:


> Was dispatched out a medical call. Dispatch had me call on the phone. They had to let me know the call was for a pt who said her "tooty-cat is hurting"



I must have missed the class on the anatomy/physiology of the "tooty-cat"
_What_ _was she talking about?_


----------



## cryptometaphor

We're private ambulance primary 911 response.Tones for chest pain in a residential area.
We arrive, start assessing the patient...ladder truck arrives.
Rescue truck arrives.
Battallion chief arrives.
Continue assessment, begin treatment...more sirens in the distance. 
Over the radio, second ladder truck on the way!

My supervisor happened to be onscene...
"Dispatch, you can have the second ladder truck cancel--we already have a ladder truck, rescue, and battalion chief here with three paramedics for our chest pain patient."


----------



## johnrsemt

Had a lady call 911, and drop the phone.   (Teach in schools to do that for fires,  drop phone and run)  Dispatch sent a full box alarm: (apartment complex) 4 engines, 3 ladders Battalion chief.   When they arrived and found the apartment, girlfriend was doing CPR on boyfriend.
40 FF,  16 medics,  all ALS gear you would ever need.   Just no ambulance to transport.  I showed up on ambulance, easiest cardiac arrest I ever worked as a medic.   I think I drove     Patient survived.


----------



## Jim37F

johnrsemt said:


> Had a lady call 911, and drop the phone.   (Teach in schools to do that for fires,  drop phone and run)  Dispatch sent a full box alarm: (apartment complex) 4 engines, 3 ladders Battalion chief.   When they arrived and found the apartment, girlfriend was doing CPR on boyfriend.
> 40 FF,  16 medics,  all ALS gear you would ever need.   Just no ambulance to transport.  I showed up on ambulance, easiest cardiac arrest I ever worked as a medic.   I think I drove     Patient survived.


Yeah 911 hangups here will get PD but normal EMS response (Engine, ALS Squad, BLS Ambulance). Even for fires, unless it's a working fire or reported persons trapped they don't dispatch an ambulance on the initial alarm...my old dept dispatched us on the initial assignment but we'd go code 2, here when we do get dispatched we go code 3 (and last time almost beat the BC in to the fire lol)


----------



## beaucait

Jim37F said:


> we'd go code 2


What is code 2?


----------



## Jim37F

CaitlinBelinda said:


> What is code 2?


No lights or sirens, driving like normal vs. code 3 which is lights and sirens


----------



## Jim37F

Double post


----------



## NPO

Crew: Do you have any further info on location?
Dispatch: The call is for a hook in a foot. Check by the fishing pond. 

===========
Engine: Do you have a report of a fire at [location]?
Dispatch: affirmative....
*pause*
Dispatch: Were trying to get it together here.


----------



## jteeters

A few of my favorites from over the years:

Fire Dispatch:  <insert Department here> need you to respond...uhhhhh...potential fire...uhhhh...*looks at screen for address, which is there*...uhhhhh....*looks at screen again for address*...uhhhhh *gives wrong address, corrects himself*

Responding unit:  Potential Fire? Is it a....structure fire? brush fire? couch on fire?

and another one from my fire days...

Brush unit responding to a natural cover fire, with one at an outlying station.  As the responding unit approaches, over county fire..."Here comes the F**king brush truck!"

aaaand one more over County Fire

"Brenda will you just give the g*dd*m* sandwich?!


----------



## NomadicMedic

Last weekend one is f the other medic units at my station was dispatched for "a toe that done popped off". 

True.


----------



## chaz90

DEmedic said:


> Last weekend one is f the other medic units at my station was dispatched for "a toe that done popped off".
> 
> True.


Yep. That'll happen when your blood sugar is higher than that of maple syrup for a few decades. I ain't never heard of a podiatrist!


----------



## COmedic17

PD on scene - "there's two parties trees by a moose"

Dispatch - "yeah it's that time of year again."

PD- "it looks angry"

Fire "Establishing Angry moose command"


----------



## johnrsemt

Dispatch sent 1 engine for a 'bush' fire next to a gas station.  After engine marked en route and was close they requested a box alarm for a 'G**D**m BUS fire".   Oops the problem 1 letter will cause when typing


----------



## Andrew Nelson

"patient has been extricated from the cardboard box"


----------



## johnrsemt

Dispatched for a MVC with entrapment:  upon arrival found 2 old ladies trapped in a wheelchair crash.
95 y/o was pushing a 84 year old in a WC.  Off a 12" high curb,  when the chair went off, the pusher followed her,  both got tangled up.  ended up with 5 FF, and 3 EMS trying to get them untangled,  didn't help that both patients were hitting anything and everything they could reach.  Including us,

Also didn't help that we were laughing so hard


----------



## ERDoc

We were dispatched to an "adult male maternity" once.


----------



## dutemplar

"Vaginal breathing",...  and that was not only said via radio, but was in the actual text dispatch as well.


----------



## sack jears

Just something I heard over a radio scanner
*dispatch*- medic (blank) where are you staged?

*medic*- truck's parked under pedestrian bridge by the river

*medic*- (in Chris Farley voice) IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER


----------



## jshal

"caller is repeating ' I dont ****s with the asthma. cant ****s with the asthma'. nothing further"


----------



## GBev

In one area that my agency runs 911 in, law enforcement always needs a reason to respond if it's not an emergency. On a particular call, the pt wanted to go to the hospital by ambulance and the family was insistent on bringing him themselves. At this point, the situation had gotten a little tense with the family so PD was called:

Medic: Dispatch, can we get PD to this location?
Dispatch: PD wants to know why...
Medic: Family is unwilling to let pt go by ambulance
Dispatch: PD wants to know what priority to respond...
Medic: [Annoyed] No need to come in guns blazing, but if they could step away from the donut shop now, that would be ideal


----------



## EMDispatch

Not my agency thank goodness, but taken from a coworker.

A tower was dispatched, by itself for a "high rise" maternity... Luckily crews realized the error and added an ambulance to the high risk maternity.


----------



## Gary Dhundal

Off the top of my head I can't think of all the strange things I've heard but here are some good ones that I can recall.
"I don't really need the paramedics help, I just need them to drive me. I'm certified in first aid and CPR, I know what I'm doing"
"Me and my boyfriend like to have sex in the shower and I always dislocate my shoulder. The doctor told me to come to emerg if it happens again."  *Facepalm*


----------



## Fightnflames

The best thing I've heard was when I was working a Tough Mudder in Lake Elsinore, CA. Over the radio we hear a medic ask, "Do we have any tampons?" The medical direction was not having a fun day that day and replies with, "Yes, yes we do have FEMENINE HYGEINE PRODUCTS." It was the tone and the manner of medical direction that cracked everyone up!


----------



## Medic27

Our dispatch is stupid. 

Dispatch: Medic 1 respond to (address) ground level fall 27 year old male patient code blue.
Medic 1: "Medic 1 confiring, ground level fall (address) is not breathing?
Dispatch: Negative Medic 1, ground level fall.. 

Some of our other EMT's listen on the county radio lol, they were dead from laughing. 99.999% the dispatcher said it because it sounded cool, their leadership is so messed up in dispatch.


----------



## Medic27

ERDoc said:


> We were dispatched to an "adult male maternity" once.


Nough said.


----------



## TLHartmann

EMDispatch said:


> In no particular order:
> 
> "So... The aliens are on your roof?"
> "You can stop doing CPR, if they're talking to you they don't need it"
> "Your house is on fire? .... Get the F--- out of the house!"
> "You need the police to take your child to school?"
> "I'm sorry I don't have the time to tell you how to tie your tie."
> "What is the Pink elephant saying to you?"
> "I'm sorry I don't know the hours for McDonalds."
> "You chased the turkey across the road... and now it's angry at you?"
> "So you're calling because the deer aren't crossing between the signs?"
> "How many hours have has it been like that? oh, days... yep they say to call after a few hours."
> "There's and accident where? Oh, you can see the emergency vehicles on scene? Yes we're aware of the accident"
> "You got---- stuck in your ----"
> "So you called the police, but don't want them to respond or take a report?"
> "They stole your crack?"
> "No I don't know how long it'll take at the hospital"
> 
> Sorry for the rez, but I had to share some.



Stolen crack!! Priceless!!


----------

