# You might be a redneck FF-EMT if...



## Foxbat (Nov 4, 2009)

..."three seconds rule" is a part of your service's infection control policy.
...your ALS intercept is more than one hour away and your closest level one trauma center is two hours away (on a helicopter).
...you carry small sandbags in the engine compartments to use as hot packs.
...you ever tried to hook up an O2 cylinder to SCBA because "you only need oxygen to breathe anyway".
...all your SCBAs have steel cylinders and they have not been hydro-tested since 1975.
...you ever used compressed air or oxygen cylinders as wheel chocks for your engine/ambulance.
...you use highway callboxes to contact medical command.
...your dispatcher's directions sound something like "turn right on a dirt road, go 3 miles where Jim's tobacco field used to be, see if the gate is open..."
...you think that hemorrage contol sequence consists of: 1)apply direct pressure 2)elevate the extremity 3)use pressure point 4)use duct tape.
...your AED look suspiciously like a truck's battery.
...you extricate more patients from underneath fallen farm machinery than from wrecked cars.
...you had to change your service's logo and patches due to sensitivity training requirements.
...linens on your truck have holes for eyes.
...you ever yelled at a rookie for throwing away "a perfectly good nasal cannula, all you needed is to wipe the blood off".
...your fire engine's CAFS runs on diet Coke and Mentos.


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## ZVNEMT (Nov 5, 2009)

the handle on my stretcher broke at a nursing home, with these style stretchers, we need them to pull the stretcher with. we called the station to ask them if there was a spare stashed in the ambulance. we were told to "just put some tape on it"

we clean the equipment with tire degreaser. or "pink stuff" as they call it, hoping we don't ever figure out that it is, in fact, tire degreaser.

random sheet metal is welded onto our ambulances to cover up rust.

our ambulances leak from the roof in the cab when it rains. one particularly bad storm, we had a waterfall in our ambulance. we were told to put blankets over our heads.

there are about 8 cars at my station, in the garage or in the parking lot, none of which are operable. 

is that redneck enough?


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## Onceamedic (Nov 5, 2009)

You hit a deer enroute to the hospital with a patient, turn over patient care, go back to the scene, throw the deer in your ambulance, then take it to the hospital's ambulance bay, butcher it, wrap up a nice chunk for the charge nurse and take the rest back to the station, cook up a bunch and then draw lots to divide it up.


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## dmc2007 (Nov 5, 2009)

ZVNEMT said:


> the handle on my stretcher broke at a nursing home, with these style stretchers, we need them to pull the stretcher with. we called the station to ask them if there was a spare stashed in the ambulance. we were told to "just put some tape on it"



The neighboring agency back home has one like that (paid service in a suburban city).


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## HasTy (Nov 5, 2009)

"Your sitting in church one sunday and the fire whistle goes off and half the congregation gets up and leaves including the pastor."


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## CollegeBoy (Nov 6, 2009)

Your fire station and half of the equipment in it is older than you are

When the tones drop half of the town converges on the station whether or not they are on the department

When the trucks pull out almost every son or daughter is standing there waving because they don't have anything better to do.

When there is a lightpole thirty feet in front of the doors to the station that you must swerve around when you pull out. And when everyone who has been on the department for more than two years has hit that pole at least once.

When the state tells you that your department isn't big enough to pull out directly onto the state road, you instead have to pull out into the alley and THEN onto the state road.

Your name is *Rural*EMT


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## rescuepoppy (Nov 6, 2009)

Kaisu said:


> You hit a deer enroute to the hospital with a patient, turn over patient care, go back to the scene, throw the deer in your ambulance, then take it to the hospital's ambulance bay, butcher it, wrap up a nice chunk for the charge nurse and take the rest back to the station, cook up a bunch and then draw lots to divide it up.



  Kaisu, have you been following us around?


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## Steffah (Dec 9, 2009)

Foxbat said:


> ...your dispatcher's directions sound something like "turn right on a dirt road, go 3 miles where Jim's tobacco field used to be, see if the gate is open..."



wow that sounds oddly familiar :glare:


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## Seaglass (Dec 10, 2009)

-Nobody thinks twice about smoking by the O2 cylinders. 
-You have some ancient "brush trucks" rotting in the station's front lawn. 
-Everyone reacts to a bad-smelling scene by going for the chewing tobacco, not gum. 
-Everyone goes out to the parking lot to compare carry weapons. 
-The annual holiday get-together involves more venison than other meat. 
-Duct tape fixes everything. 
-A good call means you're only on paved roads, or at least gravel ones that aren't too washed-out.
-You totally know what to do for scene safety and reporting with a hunting accident, but not so much with an intentional GSW.

Oh, and some downsides: 
-You have some members who still think it's OK to say that minorities, women, and non-Christians shouldn't be allowed. 
-Everyone knows everyone, so good luck maintaining HIPAA.


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## Two-Speed (Dec 10, 2009)

+ The only action your 3/4-ton Utility/Fire Prevention truck sees is the Chief or DC using it for groceries or you using it to bring tables from the fire station to your family get-together. 

+ Your Lieutenant has ever used the Tanker/Pumper to fill someone's pool. 

+ Your tanker used to be a fuel truck

+ You have ever sworn over the radio, then swore on the radio again when you realized you swore on the radio the first time. 

+ You can't hear your portable because Dwight Yoakam came on the radio. 

+ If you ever used the department's chainsaw to cut firewood. 

+ If everyone got a new number on their helmet 1 year ago and you_ just _realized it today and have _no_ idea how long it's been there. 

+ You've worn old bunker gear while mud-bogging so as not to get your good clothes dirty for the Fire-Service dinner the next day.


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## EMSLaw (Dec 10, 2009)

Eh.  Not so sure about the tanker/pool thing.  Our local FDs offer this as a service - they make money, and people don't get a huge water bill and get their pool filled in less than the three days it takes with a garden hose.


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## emtzach03 (Dec 10, 2009)

EMSLaw said:


> Eh.  Not so sure about the tanker/pool thing.  Our local FDs offer this as a service - they make money, and people don't get a huge water bill and get their pool filled in less than the three days it takes with a garden hose.



nice but i dont think that would work for my last FD. any water we have in the rigs come from still ponds that i havnt even seen animals swim in. it would take alot of chemicals to make that water clear again


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## R.O.P. (Dec 14, 2009)

*Redneck FF*

How about when you call your fellow responders to tell them that you'll be doing a large illegal burn today and they all respond with, "OK, I didn't hear that.  Let me know if you need some help."


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## firetender (Dec 14, 2009)

You arrive first on scene for a trapped person MVA, call in the local FF they arrive and call the extrication experts; the local tow truck.


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## Achromatic (Dec 15, 2009)

R.O.P. said:


> How about when you call your fellow responders to tell them that you'll be doing a large illegal burn today and they all respond with, "OK, I didn't hear that.  Let me know if you need some help."



That's not _really_ redneck. Really redneck would be the reply "I'll bring the beer and some ribs..."


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## emt_angel25 (Dec 15, 2009)

Kaisu said:


> You hit a deer enroute to the hospital with a patient, turn over patient care, go back to the scene, throw the deer in your ambulance, then take it to the hospital's ambulance bay, butcher it, wrap up a nice chunk for the charge nurse and take the rest back to the station, cook up a bunch and then draw lots to divide it up.





that is funny. we have a sup at work that anytime a deer is hit in town the cops call the buliding to see if hes workin and wants to come get it. many times theres been a deer hanging in the wash bay!


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## Medic744 (Dec 15, 2009)

Check out my pictures. Not only are we in a trailer, but we have deer that graze in our yard (plus they have been hunted from one of our windows), and an ambulance that refuses to quit running even though its 10 yrs old (or more) and it is parked on the side of the trailer growing grass.  Seriously all we need is a washing machine in the front yard (we threw out the one in the back).


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## TheG3RG (Jan 23, 2010)

Kaisu said:


> You hit a deer enroute to the hospital with a patient, turn over patient care, go back to the scene, throw the deer in your ambulance, then take it to the hospital's ambulance bay, butcher it, wrap up a nice chunk for the charge nurse and take the rest back to the station, cook up a bunch and then draw lots to divide it up.



LOL nice


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