# Why men are just Happier People



## johnrsemt (Feb 20, 2012)

NICKNAMES:
  If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
  If Mike, Dave and John go out; they will call each other Fat Boy, :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored: and S**t for Brains.

EATING OUT:
  When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in a $20, even though the bill is only $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller or want change.
  When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:
  A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he needs.
  A woman with pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but is on sale

BATHROOM:
  A man has six items in his bathroom:  Toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap and a towel.
  A woman has 337 items in their typical bathroom; and a man won't be able to identify more than 20 of them.

ARGUMENTS:
  A woman has the last word in any arguement.
  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new arguement.

FUTURE:
  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:
  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:
  A woman marries a man expecting he will change; but he doesn't.
  A man marries a woman expecting that she wont change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:
  A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, emtpy the trash, answer the phone, read a book and get the mail,
  A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:
  Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed.
  Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:
  Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments, and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT:
  A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remember the same thing!


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## Drewwoods (Feb 21, 2012)

So true


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## Sasha (Feb 21, 2012)

As a woman I kind of find this offensive.


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## Anonymous (Feb 21, 2012)

I find it quite humorous...


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## firetender (Feb 21, 2012)

Could be loaded folks, keep it civil. Sasha has a point, keep it respectful, please.


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## ARose (Feb 21, 2012)

Sasha said:


> As a woman I kind of find this offensive.



Seconded.


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## exodus (Feb 21, 2012)

Here you go women:

Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human?

Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection.


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## Remeber343 (Feb 21, 2012)

exodus said:


> Here you go women:
> 
> Why did God make men first and then decide to do the female human?
> 
> Because everyone knows that first we experiment and than comes perfection.



As a man I kind of find this offensive.


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## johnrsemt (Feb 21, 2012)

As being on the humor section;  I found it funny;   if it offended people; I am sort of sorry.   But this is no where near as bad as things people have posted in this section.


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## johnrsemt (Feb 21, 2012)

Also parts of it make men look like morons, and women look like themselves.


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## bigbaldguy (Feb 21, 2012)

Offensive? Maybe. I just don't think it's funny, it's supposed to be funny right?


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## Anonymous (Feb 21, 2012)

it is in the break room. wouldn't hurt to lighten up a little bit  :beerchug:


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## coledexter1920 (Mar 6, 2012)

wow, you are so true and creative here. i was hoping to write these kind of thought in my mind... well done boss.


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## nicolel3440 (Mar 15, 2012)

im a woman i thought it was funny


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## Jon (Mar 15, 2012)

Like many things online, you can't take it too seriously.

I smiled at some, and groaned at others. The bathroom one, for example, is an exaggeration, but more than a little true, in my experience (and I've had several female roommates).


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## BigBird (Mar 16, 2012)

*truth in advertising*

I've been married 25 years this month, we have 3 little people and 6 grand little people. My wife and I have had only one argument in 25 years (once you lose the first one you figure, Whats the point?)
 Funny or not.... to me it read like an autobiography :glare:


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## beefaroni (Mar 16, 2012)

Question is.. What were laura, kate, and sarah doing out of the kitchen?


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## Ackmaui (Mar 16, 2012)

I thought it was funny.. I didn't think it was mean spirited.


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## Remeber343 (Mar 16, 2012)

Supertampon5 said:


> Question is.. What were laura, kate, and sarah doing out of the kitchen?



Ha. Haha.


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## Remeber343 (Mar 16, 2012)

Nice troll name.


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## emtgirl26 (Mar 28, 2012)

as a woman, I find this HILARIOUS!!! and almost true!!!!


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## emt11 (Mar 28, 2012)

Remeber343 said:


> As a man I kind of find this offensive.



Seconded


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## DrParasite (Mar 29, 2012)

emt11 said:


> Seconded


As I man, I think you need to chill out more, and laugh a little, even if it is at yourself.  and yes, i found it pretty funny


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## DesertMedic66 (Mar 29, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> As I man, I think you need to chill out more, and laugh a little, even if it is at yourself.  and yes, i found it pretty funny



As a man, I agree with this statement lol


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## MS Medic (Mar 29, 2012)

Really debating to go a little South Park here, but if some thought the OP was a little offensive then I'm concerned my joke would go over like a lead balloon.


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## emt11 (Mar 29, 2012)

DrParasite said:


> As I man, I think you need to chill out more, and laugh a little, even if it is at yourself.  and yes, i found it pretty funny



Oh I found it funny, I was just being a smartass. Which I'm quite well known for around here


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## Remeber343 (Mar 30, 2012)

MS Medic said:


> Really debating to go a little South Park here, but if some thought the OP was a little offensive then I'm concerned my joke would go over like a lead balloon.



Doo iiiittttt. If they get offended by this light hearted humor they shouldn't be aloud out of the house. Bring on the south park!


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## cousin4ever (Apr 5, 2012)

As a woman its funnier to me because its soooo True but you forgot this:














NINE WORDS WOMEN USE...


(1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word. It's also a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) 
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot.' That is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever'). 

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying....Go to Hell... 

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.


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## Remeber343 (Apr 6, 2012)

Cousin, that was funny. Nicely done. Made me laugh.


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## tnoye1337 (Apr 6, 2012)

Ehh if people get offended in the "humor section" they should probably just stop checking in it. There's a reason it's called EMS humor.


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## medic4178 (Apr 7, 2012)

*Men vs Women*

:rofl:Just too funny!!!


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