# The Electric Fence



## WannaBeFlight (May 5, 2009)

*The Electric Fence... *
We have the standard 6ft. Fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, driven 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp bigwheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop and pee at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... But Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just Kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop & pee, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop & pee when mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a spotted ape now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news is, that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.


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## WannaBeFlight (May 5, 2009)

I laughed so hard from this email, my abs and back were killing me. The mental images you gather from this are classic.


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## Mountain Res-Q (May 5, 2009)

WannaBeFlight said:


> I laughed so hard from this email, my abs and back were killing me. The mental images you gather from this are classic.



LMAO!  Love his realizations afterwards.  You might want to state that this is a joke e-mailed to you before hand.  I got half way through it thinking that you are an idiot guy, despite your pics and "Bra Threads".  

Now, turn this EMS.  What is the treatment for this if you are working Ambulance/First Response?


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## WannaBeFlight (May 5, 2009)

Assess for Cardiac(12 lead), Neurological work-up (ticking, tremors, rapid abnormal eye movements, slurred speech, stroke like sx, etc...), burns from wire as well as sun, dehydration (IV), Concussion/Injuries from fall to ground, trauma to limbs, breath sounds...anything else?


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## lightsandsirens5 (May 6, 2009)

Here is some electricity for you. So that is why they told us in class to stay away from downed lines.
-------

http://jalopnik.com/5069431/logging-truck-incinerated-after-driver-hooks-7200v-power-line

-------

How did this guy survive?


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## JBK617 (May 6, 2009)

OMG once I stopped laughing so hard, this one reminded me of the taser email that floated around for awhile.

Nice way to start a Hump Day


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## Mountain Res-Q (May 6, 2009)

WannaBeFlight said:


> Assess for Cardiac(12 lead), Neurological work-up (ticking, tremors, rapid abnormal eye movements, slurred speech, stroke like sx, etc...), burns from wire as well as sun, dehydration (IV), Concussion/Injuries from fall to ground, trauma to limbs, breath sounds...anything else?



Testicular Care!  Massive amounts of ICE!!!
Why is it that females don't see how everyting else is completely secondary to "Man Land"?  ABC's?  Ha...  PTABCs  (use your imagination).  Not breathing?  No pulse?  Okay, how are the boys?  Smaller than average, a foot long, and smoking?  Somebody call Medi-Flight!  
(I responded B) Happy?)


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## WannaBeFlight (May 6, 2009)

OH MY GOODNESS! thats is right, I forgot all about "the boys"... but wouldnt the assess for injuries have covered that?     Thanks, Wings are on their way!


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## VFFforpeople (May 6, 2009)

He can be alive all he wants..if his boys are broken or gone..not much point lol. I am not sure I would beable to provide proper care for this pt. Not because I wouldn't know how...I would not beable to stop laughing, I would be on the O2 lol.


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## fortsmithman (May 6, 2009)

LOL:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## ffemt8978 (May 6, 2009)

*The Archery Kit*

Around    age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of    course, the first month I went around our land sticking  arrows in    anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse    Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes    down?      


Tough sumbich.                                                                         

 That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of    Hazard fan that I was,  I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up    T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming    arrows all over the place.. 

 Keep    in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire    danger... I'll put it this way...a set of post-hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and    you had yourself a well                                                

 One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming    arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the    carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light    bulb went off... I  grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought    that it would probably  just spray out in a    disappointing manner... lets face it to a 10 yr. old  mouth-breather like    myself, ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I  went back into the    house and got a 1-pound can of pyrodex (black powder  for muzzle loader    rifles)... At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up    the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around    the ether can but it all sorta dumped out... No biggie..... 1 lb of pyrodex    and 16oz of ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?    You know what? Screw that. I'm going  back in the house for the other    can.                                             

 Yes, I    got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too....Now we're cookin'.    

 I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2-stroke    arrow. I drew the nock to  my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a    'clunk' from behind me as  the arrow launched from my bow... In slow    motion, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH CRAP... he just    got home from work. So help  me God, it took 10 minutes    for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in    slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just    in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right through the main    pile of pyrodex at the bottom.   

 OH CRAP!!!                                                                          

 When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my    feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or    just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a    millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will    tell you there was stuff   hovering 1 ft above the    ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low-to-the-ground layer of    dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or    two.            

 The    daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE DAYLIGHT    TURNED PURPLE.                                                                    

 There    was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.         

 Notice I said "was". So    here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thunder-cats    T-shirt  shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what    I can  only assume is a Viet Nam flashback,  'ECHO    BRAVO CHARLIE, YOUR BRINGIN' 'EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE, DAMNIT CEASE    FIRE!!!!!


 His    hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the    north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom    cloud about 2000 ft over our backyard. There is a Honda  185s 3-wheeler    parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders    are  drooped down and are now touching the tires.                                     

 I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. But    I just don't know-  I know I said something. I couldn't hear. Heck...I    couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either.... not    that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this poin t on....I    said something, felt  a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a    sharp pain, blacked out,  woke later....repeat this process for an hour    or so and you get the idea.  I remember at one point my mom had to give    me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill    him again. Thanks mom.   

 One thing is for sure... I never had to    mow around that stump again. Mom had been complaining about that thing for years    and dad never did anything about it.. I stepped up to the plate and handled    business. Dad sold his muzzloaders a week or so later, and I still have some    sort of  bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating.    Or both.       

 I    guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good    discipline and will teach them skills they can really use - like to get the    butt kicking of a lifetime.


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## WannaBeFlight (May 6, 2009)

NICE!!!! Sounds like me in my younger days...I loved flammables! :wacko:


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## foxfire (May 6, 2009)

Wow!:lol: 
That reminds me of the times I scared my mom. I had loved the  "Mary Poppins" movie since the age of three. Then the super bright idea hit me, I wanted to fly like she did. I mean if she can do it then I could, right?  Made sense to me at the age of 5. So I went up into a treehouse, with my mom's umbrella. And you guessed it. I jumped. It was a long 6' drop. I had no fear of heights at that age.:wacko:
I knocked myself out and all the nieghbor kids left. Mom looked out the winow and saw me lying on the ground out cold with the umbrella at my side. I have no clue how long I was out there, nor does she. But I did suffer any damage. She still is not that thrilled with my stunts after that one.


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## VFFforpeople (May 6, 2009)

Nice FFEMT. Remind me of a bon fire I once did..lets just say I caught myself on fire..while still holding a gas can HAHAHA!! My friends face was like WTF!!!..I looked around and jumped into the snow lol..2nd degree burns on my arms and chest, but I was ok lol.

Fox you reminded me of when I tried to hood surf my buddies jeep in a parking lot. A sharp turn and 35mph later, I was on the ground blackedout. When I came too, all my friends were laughing picked me up, took me home I fell asleep lol, went to work 4hours later..with what felt like The worst Stupid H/A! you could ever have.


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## ffemt8978 (May 6, 2009)

Hey, that wasn't me...

I got it in an email just like the Electric Fence one, so I figured I'd share it.


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## MSDeltaFlt (May 6, 2009)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:


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## VFFforpeople (May 6, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Hey, that wasn't me...
> 
> I got it in an email just like the Electric Fence one, so I figured I'd share it.



>.> lol you could have had an amazing story!!! lol, still go email non the less lol.


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## Second (May 7, 2009)

wow all of this reminds me of the time I descovered that hair spray made a "flame thrower"

I dont want to hear it I was 11, needless to say the weekend trip to the land in alabama was cancled.


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## flhtci01 (May 7, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> I    said something, felt  a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a    sharp pain, blacked out,  woke later....repeat this process for an hour    or so and you get the idea.  I remember at one point my mom had to give    me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill    him again. Thanks mom.



I think we could be related.


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## lightsandsirens5 (May 7, 2009)

Second said:


> wow all of this reminds me of the time I descovered that hair spray made a "flame thrower"
> 
> I dont want to hear it I was 11, needless to say the weekend trip to the land in alabama was cancled.



Hornet spray does even better than hairspray. The natural kind will not work, neither will the non electrically conducting kind, or the foaming kind. I thas to be the kind that is real thin (and gets all over your hand no matter how you hold the can when you use it) and feels kind of oily.
Dark red-orange flame and black smoke. ^_^
Somehow I set the contents of the garbage can on fire.........lets say dad wasn't thrilled.


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## rescuepoppy (May 7, 2009)

WannaBeFlight said:


> OH MY GOODNESS! thats is right, I forgot all about "the boys"... but wouldnt the assess for injuries have covered that?     Thanks, Wings are on their way!



Wannabeflight an gonnabeflight will know what I mean here.    MAMA


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## willbeflight (May 8, 2009)

rescuepoppy said:


> Wannabeflight an gonnabeflight will know what I mean here.    MAMA




LOL  MAMA would get "The Boys" there fast enough!


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## armywifeemt (May 29, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Around    age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits."
> 
> 
> "You know what? Screw that. I'm going  back in the house for the other    can. Yes, I    got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too....Now we're cookin'. "
> ...



I think my husband MAY have written this initially..

His dad was a marine. His mom is a nurse. He is a pyro who became a soldier himself and frequently begs my approval of him going EOD (which he will NEVER get). Things that go boom make him happy. He actually blew his leg up with a molotov cocktail gone wrong when he was 15 or 16. 

On the off chance that it wasn't him who wrote it initially though, I'm NOT forwarding it... no need to be giving him ideas... I like my apartment on it's foundation....


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## WarDance (May 29, 2009)

armywifeemt said:


> I think my husband MAY have written this initially..
> 
> His dad was a marine. His mom is a nurse. He is a pyro who became a soldier himself and frequently begs my approval of him going EOD (which he will NEVER get). Things that go boom make him happy. He actually blew his leg up with a molotov cocktail gone wrong when he was 15 or 16.
> 
> On the off chance that it wasn't him who wrote it initially though, I'm NOT forwarding it... no need to be giving him ideas... I like my apartment on it's foundation....



Actually my dad's cousin from the city most likely wrote this!  He once peed on the electric fence while all the other kids that knew better watched.


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## emt_angel25 (May 30, 2009)

that is way to DAMN funny!!! i got one about this guy with a personal tazer he bought for his wife i will have to post. LOVE IT


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