# Things not to say during a grad school interview/campus visit



## usafmedic45 (May 29, 2010)

This is a bit above the level of most discussion on here, but I thought some of you might be able to enjoy the humor of this.  I have been visiting various public health grad schools to check them out and, if it wasn't blatantly obvious, I happen to have a significant difference of opinion from most of the students.  Quite frankly, every time I hear the phrase "socially responsible", I throw up just a little in my mouth.  So I offer things I've learned you should not say when dealing with schools you want to attend:

-I don't know how to phrase this politely, so I will just say it:  "Is anyone at your school doing any real research?" or alternately "Apart from the common research on how to feed those starving little :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:s in third world slums, what other research is going down here?"
-"Should I should refrain from voicing my opinion that I don't give a :censored::censored::censored::censored: about starving or disease ridden people in third world....er, *cough* *cough* "developing"....countries?"
-"How can diarrheal diseases in African nations have that much of an economic burden?  They don't have that much of an economy to start with."
-"So how long have you dedicated your life to proving Darwin was wrong by trying to stave off the natural order of things?"
-"Why do I want a PhD in epidemiology?  The same three reasons everyone wants a PhD in epidemiology: money, power and chicks."
-"Why do I want to go to school here?  Wait....what do you mean this isn't Tulane?" (there are two public health schools in New Orleans...Tulane is the better of the two)
-"Why *insert name of school*? Because you are interviewing me."
ANSWERS NOT TO GIVE TO THE QUESTION "Why *insert name of the school*?":
-"Uh, good question."
-"Wait a minute....I thought this was BU."
-"I'm waiting to hear back from OSU and didn't have anything else pressing to do."
-"Three words: in-state tuition."
-"I wanted the opportunity to see how epidemiologists were trained in the late 1970's"
-"Where am I? Who are you? And why all the questions?"

-"You don't run criminal history checks on applicants do you?"
-"It was less than an ounce and I was more than a hundred yards from the school."
-"People respect physicians, they fear what they don't understand and when was the last time you met someone on the street who understood epidemiology? Is it better to be feared or respected? I'd rather be feared. It lasts longer. That's why I want to be an epidemiologist."
-"Once I'm in, how many weekends do I have to be here before I graduate?" 
-*point to picture on desk* "So...how old is your daughter?" 
-"Is it true that your school is really merging with the nursing school?"
-Interviewer: "Do you have any questions?"
Interviewee: "Do you know if the (affiliated) medical school stocks Oxycontin in the pharmacy?" 
-"I don’t care for the money. All I wanted to do is to help people”  (in other words, lie through my teeth)
-"You don't drug test students do you?"
-"Is this the line for Metallica?"
-"This is definitely my top choice school for med school"
-"Yes, I am a published author. If you count Penthouse Letters as a scholarly journal."
-"My psychiatrist says I'm OK so long as I don't have access to sharp objects."
-"Well, first of all, before I begin, let me just say that's strong evidence that the little girl was lying. The prosecutor chose to ignore that..."
-"Have you found Jesus?"
-"What kind of student am I? Well put it this way, I'm amazed I made it this far in school. "
-"It's not my fault. Where in the invitation letter does it say I had to wear clothes?"
-"Does the student insurance package cover death benefits? Yes? OK, where can I find a stairwell with roof access?"
-"I've enjoyed my time here today although I am disappointed that you haven't acknowledged my status as a god. I will make you bow before me."

You should also not wear a khaki military uniform, mirrored sunglasses, speak only in Arabic and refuse to answer questions.


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## Melclin (May 29, 2010)

usafmedic45 said:


> -"Why do I want a PhD in epidemiology?  The same three reasons everyone wants a PhD in epidemiology: money, power and chicks."



One of the faculty members has a PhD in anthropology and she is just the most useless person in existence. She should thank her lucky stars someone is concerned enough about the university appearing culturally sensitive to pay her to pontificate about the how misunderstood and disadvantaged the indigenous population is.  



usafmedic45 said:


> -"Once I'm in, how many weekends do I have to be here before I graduate?"



Weekends? But isn't all higher education over there measured in hours and taught at an 8th grade level in the back room of the local fire station?



usafmedic45 said:


> You should also not wear a khaki military uniform, mirrored sunglasses, speak only in Arabic and refuse to answer questions.



I would love to excuse myself in the middle of the interview for prayer time and watch how fast they fall over themselves to let me into the uni. 


When applying for my degree, I had to think of a creative way to say: Why paramedicine? Because I went through a cliched self destructive phase, on account of being a an outspoken atheist at a conservative christian college, and took too many drugs to get a good enough score for medicine and thought that this was the closes thing. (Good thing it turned out that I loved it and ended up applying myself and cleaning myself up enough to get my GPA up enough to do medicine sometime down the track B) )


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## MrBrown (May 29, 2010)

Melclin said:


> (Good thing it turned out that I loved it and ended up applying myself and cleaning myself up enough to get my GPA up enough to do medicine sometime down the track B) )



Race you to an orange jumpsuit 

Yes I know they have two, one with "DOCTOR" on the back and the other "PARAMEDIC" but lets be fair, we know which one we want.


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## usafmedic45 (May 29, 2010)

> one with "DOCTOR" on the back and the other "PARAMEDIC" but lets be fair, we know which one we want.



More power to you.  You couldn't pay me to go to medical school.



> One of the faculty members has a PhD in anthropology and she is just the most useless person in existence



You've obviously never met a sociology or "African-American studies" professor.  One of my friends jokes that the first thing you hear out of the mouth of someone with a sociology PhD is "Hi, name is _____ and I'll be your waitress this evening".


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