# Animal Love



## JonTullos (Jun 17, 2009)

Some of the students in my class were swapping stories last night and one of the guys told a story of one night when he was working in the ER.  Truck calls in (they do their reports over the air) and says they're en route with a female patient and a dog.  They gave vitals and left it at that otherwise.  So, when they got there, the rolled the NAKED woman and her German Sheppard in.  She and the dog were, shall we say, "romantically involved" and had gotten stuck.  He said they had to sedate them both, call animal control but eventually separated them.  Evidently she was a mental patient (gee, ya think?!) and got a free ride to the state nut house after she and the pup were separated.  

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time!  I honestly don't think I could roll up on a scene like this and keep a straight face.

So, has this ever happened to anyone else?


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## Jeremy89 (Jun 17, 2009)

I think given the mental status of the pt, there really isn't anything funny about this.  Yeah, maybe at first, but once the story is known, there should never be any reason to laugh at behavioral health patients.  Yes, I've seen a fair share of em in the ER, and yes their outbursts can be funny sometimes, but what if they were your sister/brother.  Would you want the nursing and EMS staff laughing at your family?


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## willbeflight (Jun 17, 2009)

That is really nasty.  I know it happens but dang!!  Could she not find a date?


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## medichopeful (Jun 18, 2009)

I feel bad for everybody involved, including the dog.


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## PapaBear434 (Jun 18, 2009)

I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend.  I think you may have been taken, friend.

We had a guy in my class try to give us that story about the girl who masturbates with a frozen hotdog only to have it break off inside.  I heard that story in middle school about some guy's sister, my dad heard it when HE was in middle school, and a quick look on Snopes can easily confirm it's urban legend status.

I'd be willing to bet this is about the same.


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## LucidResq (Jun 18, 2009)

Jeremy89 said:


> there should never be any reason to laugh at behavioral health patients.



Really? Give me a break. As long as you're not laughing in their face or being otherwise inappropriate it's stories like this that, along with other things, make the drudgery of EMS tolerable.

NO LAUGHTER IN EMS GUYS! Crazy people are NOT funny.


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## LucidResq (Jun 18, 2009)

PapaBear434 said:


> I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend.  I think you may have been taken, friend.
> 
> We had a guy in my class try to give us that story about the girl who masturbates with a frozen hotdog only to have it break off inside.  I heard that story in middle school about some guy's sister, my dad heard it when HE was in middle school, and a quick look on Snopes can easily confirm it's urban legend status.
> 
> I'd be willing to bet this is about the same.




What about the girl who came into the ED with the baseball stuck in her vagina, who came in with her boyfriend who put there, who is STILL wearing a full baseball uniform. (Go Rockies!) 

The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time. So much so, that they often become the stuff of urban legends. If you can dream of something to fit in an orifice, you can rest assured that someone has already thought of it AND done it.


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## medichopeful (Jun 18, 2009)

LucidResq said:


> The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time.



I have never heard of this happening.  Prove it!


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## Mountain Res-Q (Jun 18, 2009)

LucidResq said:


> What about the girl who came into the ED with the baseball stuck in her vagina, who came in with her boyfriend who put there, who is STILL wearing a full baseball uniform. (Go Rockies!)
> 
> The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time. So much so, that they often become the stuff of urban legends. If you can dream of something to fit in an orifice, you can rest assured that someone has already thought of it AND done it.



Okay, I have held back until now... but can't any longer.

Yes, these stories (and all psych pts) are great for a laugh.  Laugh directly at them?  Hell no; we are too professional.  Laugh latter about some of the things we see?  All the time!!!  We in EMS are the sickest, saddest lot around and this is how we cope with things.

I have never had a story along these lines myself, but I do now an "EMS Animal Love" story from an instructor that I trust 110%.  It involved a really sick dude and a frozen trout.  Turns out that when a frozen trout thaws, the fins umbrella out, therefore making the removal of said trout difficult.  The fins may cause dome perforations of the intestinal wall; this combined with the thawing and subsequent rotting may lead to sepsis... go figure...  However, embarrassment trumps slowly dieing... and someone didn’t get help in time.  What a way to die... like to see that on a tombstone!!!


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## JonTullos (Jun 19, 2009)

PapaBear434 said:


> I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend.  I think you may have been taken, friend.



Don't know about that... he was pretty convincing and he's spent a good bit of time in the ER.  Even if he was lying it was still funny as hell and I'm pretty certain that it's happened at least once.  I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there.  Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.


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## PapaBear434 (Jun 19, 2009)

JonTullos said:


> Don't know about that... he was pretty convincing and he's spent a good bit of time in the ER.  Even if he was lying it was still funny as hell and I'm pretty certain that it's happened at least once.  I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there.  Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.



That much I could believe.  Vibrate function and all.

But the "got a dog's penis stuck in the vagina" is just ridiculous.  I know there are conditions that can make the vagina clamp down hard, but hard enough to trap a penis?  Much less a dramatically smaller dog's penis?

Since the female genitalia is made to be smooth and slippery, and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them, I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.


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## Sasha (Jun 19, 2009)

PapaBear434 said:


> That much I could believe.  Vibrate function and all.
> 
> But the "got a dog's penis stuck in the vagina" is just ridiculous.  I know there are conditions that can make the vagina clamp down hard, but hard enough to trap a penis?  Much less a dramatically smaller dog's penis?
> 
> Since the female genitalia is made to be smooth and slippery, and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them, I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.



A dog's penis expands into a bubble at the end before he ejaculates to prevent the female and the male from seperating. Also called a dog knot. It can take awhile for the "bubble" to go away and trying to yank it out can hurt the dog.

I have a true TV remote up rectum story. After you get past the intial immature "Hehehe" it's not really funny.


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## akflightmedic (Jun 19, 2009)

I am aware of the dog swelling to prevent separation but knowing the expansion capabilities of a vagina, I do not see how it would still not be able to slip or pull out.

In addition to that, the dog typically does not stay swollen that long. Think of the time lines involved here...the woman finally calling 911 after how long, the response, the transport...all very frightening for the dog who would naturally decrease blood flow to that area as he would be more concerned with fight or flight, not procreation.

All else fails, get the garden hose and spray the cold water....sounds like a legend to me.


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## Sasha (Jun 19, 2009)

akflightmedic said:


> I am aware of the dog swelling to prevent separation but knowing the expansion capabilities of a vagina, I do not see how it would still not be able to slip or pull out.
> 
> In addition to that, the dog typically does not stay swollen that long. Think of the time lines involved here...the woman finally calling 911 after how long, the response, the transport...all very frightening for the dog who would naturally decrease blood flow to that area as he would be more concerned with fight or flight, not procreation.
> 
> All else fails, get the garden hose and spray the cold water....sounds like a legend to me.



Hey I didn't say it was true, I'm just saying the dog's penis does in fact "barb". It was in response to this



> *and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them,* I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.



Maybe she slipped the dog some viagra and she had a muscle spasm. I'm hard pressed to believe that this is a common occurence but I am not so naive to assume it's impossible. I'm continuely amazed by the.... oddity of people.


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## Meursault (Jun 19, 2009)

JonTullos said:


> I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there.  Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.



Please tell me someone asked him for the phone number. Missed opportunities sadden me.


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## Flight-LP (Jun 19, 2009)

Ummmmm, anyone else find it a little wierd that our Florida folks seem to be well knowledged in the ways of doggie copulation?!?!?!?!? 

What the heck do you people do with your spare time down there?????


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## Sasha (Jun 19, 2009)

Flight-LP said:


> Ummmmm, anyone else find it a little wierd that our Florida folks seem to be well knowledged in the ways of doggie copulation?!?!?!?!?
> 
> What the heck do you people do with your spare time down there?????



Sweetheart, it's Florida, not Alabama.


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## medic417 (Jun 19, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Sweetheart, it's Florida, not Alabama.



And your point.  I mean I didn't see any Alabama folks tell us about it so must be a Florida past time.:wacko:


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## akflightmedic (Jun 19, 2009)

We are trained to recognize Alabamians and their deviant ways, that way when they cross the state line they are quickly turned around and sent on their way.


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## Sasha (Jun 19, 2009)

medic417 said:


> And your point.  I mean I didn't see any Alabama folks tell us about it so must be a Florida past time.:wacko:



That's because they can't figure out how to turn on the computer.


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## Sieldan (Jun 19, 2009)

sasha said:


> that's because they can't figure out how to turn on the computer.



Hey Now!


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## Sasha (Jun 19, 2009)

Sieldan said:


> Hey Now!



Out of the insinuation that alabamaians are deviants, engage in beastiality, and cna't turn on a computer, the can't turn on a computer is what you're offended at??

Wow.


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## JPINFV (Jun 19, 2009)

Doggy style: You're doing it wrong.


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## Foxbat (Jun 19, 2009)

A while ago I saw a photo of some proctologist's collection of foreign objects removed from his patients' rectums. It was quite impressive.
A little more unusual was the story that I heard from an ER nurse. A teenage boy got a mercury thermometer stuck up his urethra. When the doctor removed it, it showed 42 deg C.


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## ffemt8978 (Jun 23, 2009)

Just a word of warning to all, and this is the only one you'll get.

Posting pics, video, content, or links to sites involved in beastiality will get you banned from this site for 30 days.

I've already removed one such link, which is two too many.


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## PapaBear434 (Jun 24, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Just a word of warning to all, and this is the only one you'll get.
> 
> Posting pics, video, content, or links to sites involved in beastiality will get you banned from this site for 30 days.
> 
> I've already removed one such link, which is two too many.



Eww....  Who would post that?  Dear lord...


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## plumdragon (Jun 30, 2009)

*Alabama*

We're not *all* animal freaks in 'Bama. At least in Huntsville...we prefer rockets here, they last longer.


On the story sharing note, however, a nursing student friend of mine related a story from a good lady friend of his, who works as an ER nurse in NYC. She was working the graveyard shift one night, and in walks this unfortunate fellow, covered in blood, and wearing nothing but a shredded and very bloody t-shirt. And a cat.

He had apparently decided to have relations with the poor kitty, who at some point went into a freak-out fit, or died of shock, or...lord knows. But Kitty, when traumatized, had locked his sphincter onto the offending member, and was very firmly stuck there. Kitty was (fortunately) passed out (or dead?) at this point, legs facing upwards in the air, having done considerable prior damage to the mans abdomen and every surrounding area it could reach. 

To top it all off, this dude was a walk in. He'd walked down the streets at whatever ungodly hour this was, with a cat stuck to his *ahem* and (apart from ragged shirt) naked as the day he was born.


So, friend of a friend, don't know validity, but still...it's New York, right?


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## Medic744 (Jun 30, 2009)

True or not people in general are an unpredictable animal in their own right and if it can be done somebody has or is going to do it.  Check warning labels sometime.  Funny but if it says don't do it, somebody did it.  Most all mistakes begin with the words "I thought....."  At least it adds entertainment value to my day.^_^


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## Shishkabob (Jul 1, 2009)

willbeflight said:


> Could she not find a date?



I don't know... couldn't you?


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## willbeflight (Jul 1, 2009)

Linuss said:


> I don't know... couldn't you?




Actually, I have found plenty of dates.  Just don't like many of them.  lol


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## Meursault (Jul 1, 2009)

Sasha said:


> beastiality





ffemt8978 said:


> beastiality



Not to nitpick, but I see this a lot, and it's "bestiality". Convenient mnemonic: It's spelled that way because it's the "best". 

/me ducks out of the thread


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## Sasha (Jul 1, 2009)

MrConspiracy said:


> Not to nitpick, but I see this a lot, and it's "bestiality". Convenient mnemonic: It's spelled that way because it's the "best".
> 
> /me ducks out of the thread



Oh god I was going to do a google search to double check on that....stupid stupid stupid. I'm sorry, did anyone see where  I left the mind bleach?


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## ChargerGirl (Jul 2, 2009)

this has to be urban legend...funny though if true


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## CAOX3 (Jul 3, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Oh god I was going to do a google search to double check on that....stupid stupid stupid. I'm sorry, did anyone see where  I left the mind bleach?



Double checking the spelling?  Sure.........


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## aussieemt1980 (Jul 14, 2009)

It certainly smells of an urban legend. Probably one of the bigger ones is the one where someones sisters husbands second cousins friends mums uncles daughters friends was working as a nurse in the ER when Richard Gere came in with a gerbil lodged in his rectum. Now come on, I heard this in Australia. It supposedly happened in the US. I know its a small world, but...

I am going to pick apart the story. Why would the patient be wheeled into the ER naked with the dog still attached on the stretcher when the first rule of patient care is to maintain dignity and privacy? That is a flaw.

What people do in the privacy in their own home is entirely up to them (well, some things are highly inappropriate, animals and kids being in that area), but honestly, has anyone ever actually responded to call like this or just heard it from someone else?

A good indicator is when a story starts with "this happened to a friends cousins sisters uncles neighbours daughter" there is a chance that the story is just a wind up.


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## TgerFoxMark (Jul 14, 2009)

ok, at the risk of being penalized again... ( punny i know) 
Yes, it happens, i have responded to such a call.
and no, not everyone understands what it means when a dog ties with them.
or the fact that they have a knot.

Another fun fact some canids (dogs) knots can swell up to the size of a softball or larger.

now on an odd note, there are some sites that sell "Marital Aids" in the shape of animal penises.

Oh, and i never will do a google search on something here and post one of the top results. again. i dont need another infraction


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## aussieemt1980 (Jul 14, 2009)

fair enough, that is one person who has actually seen this type of injury without having to google it.


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## Meursault (Jul 14, 2009)

TgerFoxMark said:


> ok, at the risk of being penalized again... ( punny i know)
> Yes, it happens, i have responded to such a call.
> and no, not everyone understands what it means when a dog ties with them.
> or the fact that they have a knot.
> ...



Hmm... and it's the guy who dressed up as a tiger who points this out... I've seen fantasy creature shapes too, including dragons, anthro dragons, and tentacles. 

I'm impressed that this thread hasn't died or been killed yet. There seems to be some untapped interest here.


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## CAOX3 (Jul 17, 2009)

TgerFoxMark said:


> ok, at the risk of being penalized again... ( punny i know)
> Yes, it happens, i have responded to such a call.
> and no, not everyone understands what it means when a dog ties with them.
> or the fact that they have a knot.
> ...



Another fun fact?

Fun facts are like, how do you tell the age of a tree, what color does blue and purple make or  how fast does the new camaro go.


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## DawnParr (Jul 18, 2009)

Weird story... and really gross.


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