# EMS Rules ( The ones you don't learn in school)



## captainbeatty (Dec 30, 2008)

Veterans know there are many things you don't learn in EMT school. Here's a few. Please add some more.
1. The more a patient weighs, the higher they live in an apartment building .
1-a) The more a patient weighs, the more likely it will be that the elevator is out.
2) If a dispatcher gives you directions and tells you you can't miss it, you will soon be totally lost.
3) When a nursing home calls in a run and tells you the patient is bad, and please get there quick, you will find said patient waiting at the front door with a suitcase. When they tell you take your time, there is no hurry to transport a patient, you will find said patient with agonal breathing, with a pulse rate of 45.

Let's hear some more.


----------



## Scout (Dec 30, 2008)

saying the word teiuq in reverse is hazardous to your health,


----------



## JPINFV (Dec 30, 2008)

ABC means Ambulate Before Carry.


----------



## EMTinNEPA (Jan 1, 2009)

If you are unfortunate enough to drop something, it will land in the absolutely LEAST accessible place possible.


----------



## Medic (Jan 1, 2009)

The "Q"(quiet) word at the beginning of a shift leads to a very busy shift.

You seem to always receive your last call at 5:45 when your shift ends at 6. 

As soon as you've made that cup of coffee or prepared that plate of food you get a call.


----------



## mycrofft (Jan 1, 2009)

*Haha!! For real!*

1. Make or buy no meal you can't put on bread and eat one handed. 
2. Always have bread.
3. Never test battery operated equip only while still on the charger.
4. If you have two devices with incompatible consumable components (batteries, printer paper), the wrong supply will eventually get with the wrong equipment...or does a double negative make it work out ok?
5. OLD apartment houses have four things in common: old people; polished marble stairs with small landings and steam radiators;no elevators; an attraction for winter incidents.
6. When in doubt about the radiators on the small landings in #5 being hot, let your partner take the lead.


----------



## JSL22 (Jan 1, 2009)

EMTinNEPA said:


> If you are unfortunate enough to drop something, it will land in the absolutely LEAST accessible place possible.



Dropping a billing sheet and have it some how, by the grace of god, slip behind the light toggle board and into the electric compartment, thus forcing you to disassemble the entire inside of the truck.


----------



## SCClayton (Jan 3, 2009)

JSL22 said:


> Dropping a billing sheet and have it some how, by the grace of god, slip behind the light toggle board and into the electric compartment, thus forcing you to disassemble the entire inside of the truck.



I'm truly impressed with your extreme paper dropping skills. I only hope I can be that great one day. ^_^


----------



## skivail (Jan 5, 2009)

Its amazing what you find when you start pulling apart the pannels. I found an unopened box of gloves. No idea how it got back there.


----------



## Buzz (Jan 8, 2009)

Here's one:

When you work in a system with very few MVA's and you actually get called to one, you will arrive to the general stretch of road and be presented with a ridiculously large number of MVA's and not any clue which one you are actually supposed to be responding to.


Or at least that's how it was for me last night.


----------



## rogersam5 (Jan 8, 2009)

If the dispatcher sends you to a "18 y.o. Female who has fallen" you will soon walk in to have a screaming pt. and findout that the only information you can get out of them is their nickname, let alone what is happening or if they take any medications


----------



## firecoins (Jan 8, 2009)

The Rule of 2 drinks.  

at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks".  I have yet to transport anyone who had more.    

at 3am I get the alcohol fueled assault victim.  The victim and assailant both only had "2 drinks". 

at 5am I get the intox sleeping on the sidewalk in vomit.  They also only has "2 drinks".   

at 6:30am I get the minor mva.  I am ready for "2 drinks"


----------



## BossyCow (Jan 8, 2009)

firecoins said:


> The Rule of 2 drinks.
> 
> at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks".  I have yet to transport anyone who had more.
> 
> ...



I actually had someone when asked.. "Sir have you been drinking!" was told.. "yep.. for about a month"


----------



## Second (Jan 8, 2009)

firecoins said:


> The Rule of 2 drinks.
> 
> at 1am I get the intox who only had "2 drinks".  I have yet to transport anyone who had more.
> 
> ...



sounds to me like they can't hold there alcohol


----------



## firecoins (Jan 8, 2009)

Second said:


> sounds to me like they can't hold there alcohol



They were two very  large drinks.


----------



## aussieemt1980 (Jan 9, 2009)

1. The severity of the injury is directly inproportianate to the screaming from    the patient

2. Never wish for truama - it will always be a head scratcher

3. Beat any person who says "at least you are having a quiet day. I am just saying this because you look bored".

4. If you do not beat the person in number 3, you will have a run within 15 minutes.

5. One that I learnt the other week when a call came in - never assume the expert on the other end actually knows what they are talking about - had a report of a patient that was electrocuted while working on the suspension of his car (no electrical components) and turns out he had a TIA.

6. Always remember to make a sacrifice and do the dance that pleases "Panica" - the EMS God. Failure to do so results in the god punishing you with a busy shift.


----------



## Hockey (Jan 9, 2009)

Might be a few reposts but here you go



-Skin signs tell all. 
- Sick people don't :censored::censored::censored::censored::censored:. 

- Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.

-About %70 of the battery patients more than likely deserved it. 

- All bleeding stops....eventually. 

- All people will eventually die, no matter what you do. 

- If the child is quiet, be scared. 


- EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror. 

- If the pt. vomits, try to hold the head to the side of the rig with the least difficult to clean equipment.

1
- -There will be problems.

1-The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.

1
-- "Paramedics save lives; EMT's save Paramedics."

- If the patient looks sick, than the patient is sick. 

- If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says. 

- It is that bad. 

- If you absolutely must vomit, than it is probably best to turn your head away from the patient. 

- It is generally bad to use the words "holy :censored::censored::censored::censored:" on scene, in reference to the patient's condition. 

- Better them (another unit) then me. 

- When responding to a call always remember that the lowest bidder built your ambulance 

- If its stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid 
-Always honor a threat 

- Always know when to get out of dodge 

- Always know HOW to get out of dodge 

- You can't please any of the people any of the time. 

- Don't go INTO Dodge without the Marshall. 

- They said, " Smile, things could be worse." So we smiled and sure enough, things got worse!!!

-Always answer a newbie's questions. (You once asked them, too.) 

- The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional to the number of knuckles tattooed. 

- If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient. 
- Best time to work a code - overtime.

-Pain never killed anyone.

-All fevers eventually fall to room temperature. 

- A Pt.'s weight is directly proportional to the chances the elevator will be non-functioning. 

- Here is a simple ETOH test: Hold your hands about 6 inches apart with thumbs and forefingers touching and ask pt. what color string you are holding. If pt. indicates a color it is a positive test.

-If you drop the baby, pick it up. 

- O2 is good, blue is bad. 

- Never trust an ER doc with anything sharper than a tongue depressor 

- Asystole is a very stable rhythm 

- A Pt.'s weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the building. 

- A Pt.'s weight is directly related to the number of stair flights between him/her and the rig. 

- EMS RULE OF THREES (as it relates to codes) 300 pounds <30 minutes to shift change 3 stories up in the building. 

- Whoops: 1) the monitor just fell down the stairs, 2) the cold and flu patient just coded, 3) the wrong house. (Hint: the one with the lab probably didn't call 911) 

- Rules: 1) Don't get dirty, 2) Don't run, you may violate rule #1, 3) If it looks like you might get dirty doing something let the new guy do it. 

- For every ALS skill we learn, we forget a BLS one. 

- The fire tetrahedron consists of the following: heat, oxygen, fuel, chief officer. Take any of them away and the fire goes out. 

- "Compassion Kills", don't dive into incidents. 

- When a call comes in 2 min. before shift change you will always pass your relief 1 block from the station. (He/she/ it will be laughing and waving at you.

-If you lift an inch, crib an inch. 

- If you think the cost of education is expensive, check out the cost of ignorance. 

- Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't then leave it alone. 

- Every Emergency has three phases - PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE. 

- You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream. 

- Training is learning the rules; experience is learning the exceptions. 

- Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is. 

- Why do fire chiefs where white helmets? So you know where the Preparation H goes. 

- Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked. (In spite of the assurances of the off going crew.) 

- If you don't have it, don't give up. Adapt, improvise, overcome, and (then call for a second unit). 

- There is no such thing as a "textbook case". 

- There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned. 

- Just because someone's EMT or Paramedic original license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing. 

- For every 25 calls you run, only 1 will be exciting. 

- The old EMS constant, no matter how bad the politics get, the doors go up and the trucks go out. 

- ALS really stands for "absolute loss of sense". 

- Most of your patients are healthier than you are. 

- Being in emergency services means you get to celebrate your holidays with all your friends, while on-duty. 

- Being an EMT means you get to expose yourself to rare, exotic and exciting new diseases.

-EMS does not save lives; EMS is to care for people. It is 95% of what we do. 

- Common sense isn't. 

- If you have a ride-along you want to show the real world, nothing will happen that shift.

-EMS goes against the process of natural selection.

-You can't cure stupid.

-We are all slaves to the god "Motorola"

-Murphy was an optimist.

-The address is never clearly marked.

-EMS doesn't save lives we only "postpone the inevitable."

-Supervisors become that because they won't be missed in the field.

-Even sterile water tastes great on a hot day.

-The stereo must always be louder than the siren.

-At the beginning of your shift, your main O2 tank, fuel tank, and stomach will be empty...but the call volume will be full. 

- You know you are in trouble when the directions to a patient's house include... " Turn off of the paved surface..."

-Dead is dead, leave it at that.

-Your seriously ill pt. will miraculously get better when you roll them into the ER.

-Your pt. will get new symptoms after radio report and pulling up to ER. 
-Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own

-The pain will go away when it stops hurting.

-If nothing has gone wrong you obviously don't understand the situation.

-You should always stop CPR after the second ouch! from the PT.

-People don't call an Ambulance because they did something right.

-Nurses are right as long as you are in THEIR E.D.

-When in doubt, always take another set of vital signs.

-If your patient is violent you can always use O2 therapy (an O2 bottle across the head usually calms them down).

-The larger the house the furthest from a door the patient will be.

-If the patient fell and was moved by the family, they will have moved them so that climbing stairs will be involved.

-The furniture will always be arranged so that a stretcher or stairchair will never fit easily.

-The problem won't be that bad until a major disaster strikes. (You have had chest pain for 3 days and wail till the middle of a blizzard to call ?!?!?)

-The Patient will all of a sudden develop a PMH as soon as the ED nurse asks for one.

- The same applies for medications.


----------



## NomadicMedic (Jan 9, 2009)

Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)


----------



## jochi1543 (Jan 10, 2009)

n7lxi said:


> Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)



Or eat....


----------



## JAM-EMT (Jan 10, 2009)

Buzz said:


> Here's one:
> 
> When you work in a system with very few MVA's and you actually get called to one, you will arrive to the general stretch of road and be presented with a ridiculously large number of MVA's and not any clue which one you are actually supposed to be responding to.
> 
> ...



Wow michigan too? I thought it was just an ohio thing.


----------



## AMRmedic10 (Jan 12, 2009)

*Gotta GO, Gotta GO, Gotta GO RIGHT NOW!!!*



n7lxi said:


> Never pass up the opportunity to pee. (You may not have a chance later.)




No kidding... there have been days when I'd have given anything to have an anchored Foley with a leg bag. Never pass up a potty break!!!


----------



## sarahharter (Jan 18, 2009)

never drink a 32 oz coffee at the begging of yoiur shift - free or not - cuz you are going to be holding in that coffee for about ten hours.

never start baking cookies in the middle of your shift cuz trust me you'll never get to eat them however the police and medics that come to visit your station while your out will.

never go out for breakfast cuz you might just get a call at your own station for the fire alarm- has happened three times to me already!

try not to wear new boots and break them in your feet will be hurting pups by the end of the day.

washing your rig is a sheer sign that you are going to get a call that calls for direction that state turn off the paved road.


----------



## eric2068 (Jan 19, 2009)

Chest pain will always increase (or develop) as you pull up to the ER.
If there is just a little ice somewhere in the area, someone will fall in a Walmart parking lot.
The chances of getting a call, and the end of shift increases geometrically the closer you get.
"A little bit of this and a little bit of that" and "Just about everything" is considered by the public as enough info for a pmhx.


----------



## lizhiniatsos (Jan 19, 2009)

the size of the person coding is directly proportionate to the size of the area they code in...the larger the person is, the smaller the space will be...it it will usually be between a toilet and a tub at the back end of an 8 foot wide trailer house....


----------



## UNIT 52 (Jan 23, 2009)

If it's wet and not yours then it is infectious(?sp)


----------



## DarkHuntressMedic (Jan 27, 2009)

Don't lick your patients. 

Save food, that isn't easily reheated or doesn't taste good cold, for home!

Dead is dead.

You can't fix stupid.

Stupidity is our job security.

If its wet and its not yours, dont touch it!

For the pt that says "...for no reason..." trust that there is always a reason!

The amount of clothing a homeless person is wearing is directly proportional to how bad they smell.

A chief complaint, no matter how crude or rediculous, if placed in quotations is chartable!


----------



## jester_1269 (Jan 27, 2009)

Cadets riding with you spell trouble. They tend to say the "Q" word, then 15 minutes after they leave tones drop for something nasty...

RN stands for "Really Nothing" ^_^

CPR is only done properly when you feel ribs break.

The blue light is not a "get out of stopping at stop signs free" card.  Nor is it permission to go as fast as you desire

Firemen are great at lifting cots and said disproportionately large patients. Never hesitate to use them.

The deadliest GSW is one made by a .22

Horizontal goes to the hospital, vertical goes to the morgue

Remember PIE: Pressure, Ice, Elevation....Mmmmm...pie...

Fingers DO NOT make good bite blocks

Dispatchers only know what is TOLD to them, not necessarily the reality of the call.

It is ok to throw an object at the driver of your rig if they just blew through a stop light or jumped a railroad track 

Your patient, your scene, your ***...remember that.


----------



## Illini_emt (Jan 27, 2009)

ER Tech Rule #1 if you want to get out of 1:1 Observation faster:

When I comes to a psych transfer, ALS = A Lot Sooner!
-----------
And something that should be taught in grade school, was my mother the only one that mentioned that you only call the ambulance if you are dead, dieing, or arterial bleeding, because by god she was not going to pay that damned CoPay

PT Rules for calling an ambulance.....

1. Don't greet us with the words "you'll need a stretcher". If you're an accountant, would you expect me to come to your work and say "You'll need a calculator"?

2. If you call an ambulance, make some kind of effort to make yourself/your house visible. Turning on an outside light. Getting someone to stand outside to wave us down (see point 3). Giving the operator an idea of local landmarks. Saying "I'm in Newcastle" does NOT help.

3. If you are aforementioned waving gimp. A simple sticking out of hand as if you were hailing a taxi will suffice. Performing actions that make you look like an epileptic mating with a windmill will not expedite our arrival. In fact we may just drive past for the hell of it.

4. If you got yourself upstairs, you can sure as hell get yourself downstairs.
5. Abdominal pain does not affect the motor function of the legs. You can still walk.

6. If I came and sat in your house, pi**ed on the floor, threw up on myself and fell asleep on a chair, you may be put out. So don't do it in my ambulance.

7. Don't even THINK about hitting me. I hit back, harder…. And I can kill you and leave no trace.

8. Unless there is a very good reason, you go to the A&E of my choice. Good reasons include a: it's a skive b: it's a fun drive c: it's about lunchtime and the canteen is good d: the nurses are all up for it and e: because I'm a vindictive ******.

9. Did I mention that if you do succeed in assaulting me, my friends the police will make sure you get nicked. And hurt. And will causally remark to some of their sources inside that you are a kiddie fiddler.

10. Grannies pay attention: if you have chest pain, don't wait until the morning to call because "you didn't want to be a bother." Trust me, be a bother, that's what we are actually here for (this is probably the most serious point - if you have chest pain, call 911 for god's sake!

11. If you've been drinking, don't lie about the amount. We're not cops.

12. If you've taken drugs, tell me. I can guess. And so can the purple elephant. Trust me, the majority of us have experienced unofficial medication in the past, so we know when we are being lied to.

13. Girls: if your mate is lying on the ground vomiting after downing 15 shots of sambuca, do not tell us her drink has been spiked. Your friend looks like something the Japanese would kill for research. It would take something that would normally be used for anaesthetising bull elephants to bring her down, and nobody, not even a raving pervert, would s**g it.

14. Being above the 5th floor in a block of flats is a capital offence.

15. If your first words to us are "you took your time" then they may also be your last.

16. Living in the middle of nowhere has its advantages. It also means that it may take a bit of time to get to you. We drive big vans, not the starship enterprise.

17. If you are a scrote, and you are cold and fancy going to the A&E for a bit of food and a cup of tea... tell me. Don't lie and say you have chest pain.

18. We can spot a fake fit 5 miles off.

19. If you have a very sick baby, an ambulance crew will appear behind you by magic.

20. We do care, but the job does get to you. So please take the cynicism, sick humour and bad b*st*rd temper with a pinch of salt. Especially if you call me out at 5 minutes before shift end.


----------



## Sasha (Jan 27, 2009)

> RN stands for "Really Nothing"



Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.



> 13. Girls: if your mate is lying on the ground vomiting after downing 15 shots of sambuca, do not tell us her drink has been spiked. Your friend looks like something the Japanese would kill for research. It would take something that would normally be used for anaesthetising bull elephants to bring her down, and nobody, not even a raving pervert, would s**g it.


Not even funny in the least, and kind of offensive!


----------



## Outbac1 (Jan 27, 2009)

For U/C fakers. "Up your nose with a rubber hose" really works.

    Never pass up an empty bathroom whether you need it or not.    

    Regardless of the severity of the call, NO ONE may leave the porcelin   
    room until the paper work is finalised. 

    Some patients live despite our best efforts.

     Paramedics don't run. 

    You will be surprised how fast an old paramedic can run.

     If you see me running, try to keep up.

     Don't over complicate things, simple works well, a lot.

     Despite the ability to stay and play, we are still in the transportation   
     business. 

     Lights and sirens does not eliminate the need for caution. 

     Jaywalkers are PHO's (potential hood ornaments).


----------



## Meursault (Jan 27, 2009)

Illini_emt said:


> rules



Where did you get those, and how do I congratulate the author?


----------



## jester_1269 (Jan 27, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.



who squatted in your wheaties?  fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs.  I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.  

That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.


----------



## Sasha (Jan 28, 2009)

jester_1269 said:


> who squatted in your wheaties?  fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs.  I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.
> 
> That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.



Well you only perpetuate the "us vs. them" mentality by posting unfunny things like that. It's not us vs. them. And I have a sense of humor, but that wasn't funny.

High horse? I beg to differ.


----------



## raisingkahne9 (Jan 28, 2009)

I say that someone should write a book, with all those 'Ems Rules', that you don't learn in school. I'd buy it.


----------



## EeyoreEMT (Jan 28, 2009)

*Not nice*



Sasha said:


> Not funny. We have RN's who frequent this site. RN's, especially those who work in flight, critical care, or emergency room settings are a part of EMS. EMS doesn't just involve Paramedics and EMTs.
> 
> 
> Not even funny in the least, and kind of offensive!



Just as in every job, there are good ones, bad ones and great ones. You just need to wait till one of them saves your butt! Same job, same crap guys.


----------



## EeyoreEMT (Jan 28, 2009)

The most valuable knowledge in EMS I did not receive from class. It was from working with seasoned Medics who felt that their partner, was just that, their partner. I was there for him/her, and they were there for me, and we were both there for the pt. The closest hospital we have is 30 miles away, we are resposible for 75% of the county's 911 calls. Basics need to learn more than vitals, when push comes to shove, I would take a good basic as a partner any day over an overconfident paragod-like medic. Medics can be great teachers, if they want to be.


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jan 28, 2009)

jester_1269 said:


> who squatted in your wheaties?  fyi, I work at a hospital, in the ER, with RNs.  I have nothing but love for them (thus the "^_^") however some, just like medics, emts, docs, ect, have a severe "us vs them" mentality and need to incorporate a small sense of humor in their attitudes.
> 
> That high horse of yours? Ya, you need to come off it.





Sasha said:


> Well you only perpetuate the "us vs. them" mentality by posting unfunny things like that. It's not us vs. them. And I have a sense of humor, but that wasn't funny.
> 
> High horse? I beg to differ.



Play nice, people.


----------



## medic417 (Jan 28, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Play nice, people.



But someone has to play bad cop or nice cop/bad cop doesn't work.


----------



## Sasha (Jan 28, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Play nice, people.



I'm always nice!

(Bahahaha. I'm waiting for the lightening to strike!)


----------



## ffemt8978 (Jan 28, 2009)

medic417 said:


> But someone has to play bad cop or nice cop/bad cop doesn't work.



Bad cop is my job...


----------



## jester_1269 (Jan 29, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Play nice, people.



knowing my luck, the same bolt that comes down after her will arc back over and get me too...:blush:

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some burn dressings, aquafor, and some silvadene ready...


----------



## medic417 (Jan 29, 2009)

ffemt8978 said:


> Bad cop is my job...



Not fair you always get to have all the fun.


----------



## EeyoreEMT (Jan 29, 2009)

*True Humor*

Sunday morning around 9 a.m., 911 from the jail, chest pain, ya, I'd have chest pain too if I were in jail. We finished our truck inspection at 7 a.m. all was good, we get about a mile down the road, eta 1 min to scene, smoke rolls out from under hood and into cab. Lose all power. Crap! Call dispatch to send other truck, having mechanical difficulties, wow, what an understatement! I shut both batteries off, I smelled electrical, my partner, also a ff, says to try again. I told him I was concerned about it being under the dash electrical since the smoke was filling the cab. He agreed. No attemp. I pulled the level for the hood, woof, a puff of black smoke spewed out. We don't have turnout gear, just rubber gloves, so we basically did rock, paper, scissors to see who had to unlack the hood, maybe the glove would melt to their hand... who knew. Anything that can go wrong, does go wrong when you work with me. I called boss, he said your parnter is into fitness, have him run back to station and get other squad. Ya, like that went over well, so we're stuck in church traffic, directing traffic in front of Weny's, trying not to get hit, when our ride finally arrives. We throw needed equipment over into vehicle, go to station and switch over before another call.
The squad was taken to the shop finding out-there was an electrical fire that started under the dash near the engine compartment, as it spread it burst the air conditioner line, which in turn put the fire out. He said 99% of these fire end with an explosion. I'm like ok then...... maybe we had good luck!!


----------



## rescuepoppy (Jan 29, 2009)

And the humor is where?  Not funny to have a truck go down while on an emergency call.


----------



## EeyoreEMT (Jan 29, 2009)

*response*

Well, thats not, thankfully it wasn't a real emergency, it was a get out of jail free ride, which we found out later, I guess it wouln't be funny unless you knew that every truck that has something wrong with it, I get stuck with, and I just happens to be that they always break down on my shift. The fire putting itself out I thought was pretty funny ironic humor, because any other time, I would have lost a tire, a pully would have come off, a hose would have broke or the emergency brakes lock up and had to run hot with the brake on. To boot, me and two of the newest guys I trained were the only ones to fully check out our trucks in the morning, mechanically and equipment.


----------



## mhink3989 (Jan 29, 2009)

Theres no such thing as a text book case!


----------



## Sasha (Jan 29, 2009)

jester_1269 said:


> knowing my luck, the same bolt that comes down after her will arc back over and get me too...:blush:
> 
> If you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some burn dressings, aquafor, and some silvadene ready...



Didn't you hear me shout clear?


----------



## Illini_emt (Jan 30, 2009)

My apologizes Sasha, i did not mean for you or anyone to get offended by the jokes, And just to throw this out there, I am an First year RN student, I cant wait to hear the jokes on my behalf, 

What is the saying, if you cant joke about yourself? lol


----------



## jester_1269 (Jan 30, 2009)

Sasha said:


> Didn't you hear me shout clear?



you mean we're not supposed to touch them when they're shocking? hm, so thats what i've been doing wrong. (just got done doing , actually.)  ^_^

(and yes, we got him back.)


----------



## Doug (Feb 2, 2009)

Rule #1: Just because it's 7am doesn't mean your pt. is not drunk.
  Addendum:  Just because your pt is drunk doesn't mena they're not haveing an MI.
Rule 2#: Be Nosy!  The worst things happen to those that are just "Standing around minding my own business"
Rule 3# Do not have 2 drinks.  Again the worst things happen to those who have "Just had 2 drinks."  Have one or 3 or more...never 2.


----------



## lightsandsirens5 (Feb 2, 2009)

Doug said:


> Rule 3# Do not have 2 drinks.  Again the worst things happen to those who have "Just had 2 drinks."  Have one or 3 or more...never 2.





I like this one!


----------



## Aidey (Feb 2, 2009)

Doug said:


> Rule 2#: Be Nosy!  The worst things happen to those that are just "Standing around minding my own business"
> Rule 3# Do not have 2 drinks.  Again the worst things happen to those who have "Just had 2 drinks."  Have one or 3 or more...never 2.




Hahahaha! That reminds me of a patient I had who was in a bar fight, according to him he was just sitting there minding his own business and having a couple of drinks.


----------



## djmedic913 (Jun 11, 2009)

Illini_emt said:


> 3. If you are aforementioned waving gimp. A simple sticking out of hand as if you were hailing a taxi will suffice. Performing actions that make you look like an epileptic mating with a windmill will not expedite our arrival. In fact we may just drive past for the hell of it.



This one was great...I laughed so hard I couldn't talk...I needed that...

ok so I guess I have a few...it appears that the funnier ones seem to have already been taken...

Remember that it is not our emergency.

If you hear someone at the station say "I've seen it all" wait 15 minutes and you will hear "I've never seen that before"

No patient is worth a back injury, call for help.

Anyone who says they never miss a tube is a liar.

Anyone who says they never miss an IV is a liar.

Anyone who recently learned how to start IV's, will miss when then get to start an IV in the field. And will inevitably lose confidence in themselves...remember this EVERYONE MISSES. we all hit a slump and can't hit the broad side of a barn, but end the slump on hardest stick of all time.

They already mentioned the will get a call when : you get your warm food from the microwave or restaurant, when in the bathroom...but they left out when finally get comfortable in bed.

you will enter places where you won't want to lean on the walls (they move) or stand still coz something may run up your pants leg.

EMS= Earn Money Sleeping
EMS=Every Minute Sucks

Patients in real pain are not rolling all over the place screaming.

Patients screaming at the top of their lungs "I can't breath" are breathing quite well.

Backboard are uncomfortable.

Our stretchers were not built for comfort.

I can't seem to think of any more at this time

but LAUGHTER IS STILL THE BEST MEDICINE


----------



## Bloom-IUEMT (Jun 13, 2009)

Hockey9019 said:


> - Whoops: 1) the monitor just fell down the stairs, 2) the cold and flu patient just coded, 3)* the wrong house. (Hint: the one with the lab probably didn't call 911) *



Lmfao! Was wondering if you have a story to tell about that??


----------



## Ped101 (Jun 18, 2009)

1. Don't tell your patients "It's probably nothing". They'll almost always have to be rushed into the OR because of some internal damage (proven)


2.If the scene is too quiet, run like hell. There is no such thing as a quiet scene (in all seriousness)


----------



## BigBoy (Jun 19, 2009)

when the pt is bleeding out dont worry about opening a 4x4 by the edge just rip it open...


----------



## Meursault (Jun 19, 2009)

The less English the patient speaks, the more complex her history and CC will be.


----------



## DV_EMT (Jun 19, 2009)

BigBoy said:


> when the pt is bleeding out dont worry about opening a 4x4 by the edge just rip it open...



same goes for needles or syringres. the paper is easy to puncture/tear with whatever is packaged inside.


----------



## Second (Jun 19, 2009)

DV_EMT said:


> same goes for needles or syringres. the paper is easy to puncture/tear with whatever is packaged inside.



I'll have to remember that one, really!


----------



## BigBoy (Jun 20, 2009)

DV_EMT said:


> same goes for needles or syringres. the paper is easy to puncture/tear with whatever is packaged inside.



not aloud to do the needle thing but its true.....

another thing

disreguards at two in the morning are good for the pt.. (if you catch my drift)lol


----------



## MendoEMT (Jun 20, 2009)

skivail said:


> Its amazing what you find when you start pulling apart the pannels. I found an unopened box of gloves. No idea how it got back there.



I once found an orange stuffed gorilla crammed into a panel.  Makes you think...


----------



## sop (Jun 20, 2009)

If you get chewed-out take it like a strong man or woman. :mellow:


----------



## Medic744 (Jun 24, 2009)

If the cops make it to the call for a "fever" or anything else inoccent sounding before you do you can count on it being a psych or just plain unpleasant person who they have already had a "consultaion" with that shift.


----------



## Medic744 (Jun 27, 2009)

Just thought of one.  As soon as you get your unit washed, cleaned, and restocked you WILL make a call on the dustiest/muddiest road and that call will be one that has the back of the unit looking like a tornado just blew through it.


----------

