# Murphy's EMT laws!



## RWC130 (Nov 15, 2008)

Murphy's EMT laws!

Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad. 

Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table. 

You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance. 

The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are. 

Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners. 

When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong. 

All bleeding stops... eventually. 

You can't cure stupid. 

If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!! 

"Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles. 

If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare. 

EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror. 

Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE. 

A good tape job will fix almost anything. 

Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.

It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical. 

The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.

Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens. 

Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon. 

There is no such thing as a "textbook case". 

You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm. 

Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf". 

Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had. 

Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood. 

Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise. 

Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet. 

Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient. 

You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients. 

It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor. 

As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security. 

Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family. 

All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.

Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.

Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go". 

Credit:
http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-EMT.htm


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## Sasha (Nov 15, 2008)

> If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.



Fire Fighters are the BEST cooks! 



> It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.


While not necessary, it enjoys the petname. It makes it easier to sweet talk your monitor. Sweet talking your monitor, and petting it softly makes it more apt to want to take a decent three and twelve lead. 

My stethescope has a pet name. Her name is Roxy. My last one was Loretta. She was murdered by the piggies. They got into my bag, dragged her out kicking and screaming, and chewed her tubing in half. She will be missed


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## Airwaygoddess (Nov 15, 2008)

*EMTs and pet names.....*

BAAAWWHAAAA!!!!  OMG I needed that today!!  Bythe way I have never heard of giving the lifepak a name but the ambulances.....OH YES!!!  

My old ambulance was named "Ethal" ^_^^_^


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## Emtint08 (Nov 27, 2008)

*ambulance name*



Airwaygoddess said:


> BAAAWWHAAAA!!!!  OMG I needed that today!!  Bythe way I have never heard of giving the lifepak a name but the ambulances.....OH YES!!!
> 
> My old ambulance was named "Ethal" ^_^^_^



My ambulance name was Sybil.  Multiple personalities, sweet one day, B....h, the next.  She liked to take frequent unplanned rest stops. Good Times


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## HokieEMT (Nov 27, 2008)

> Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.


Not always true if you grow up around a dinner table with a FF/PM/PA and a Nurse.  Its normal then lol.



> The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.


Some of the best EMS personnel my Dad and I have ever known wore a good bit of kit on their belt.



> If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.


I agree with Sasha they make some really good food.



> All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.


Didnt work yesterday twice when I was hankering for a call.


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## m_b_williamson (Nov 27, 2008)

turrets and machine guns would work very well, im also convinced that if my ambulance corps allowed us to carry a .22 revolver as a form of bls we would greatly reduce our call volume.


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## mattulance (Dec 22, 2008)

*No such thing as a "quick call"*

When you roll up on scene and the pt. starts with the "I 78% want to go to the hospital but 10% don't because then there is nobody home to _cook_ for my cats" you know its going to be a long night.


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## frogtat2 (Dec 24, 2008)

*calls and the bathroom*

It's been my experience that the longer you "hold it" will determine the call you will get when you're bladder is full.  (i.e. if you have been holding it for a long time you will get a trauma call with difficult extrication up on the side of the mountain)

When we have rookies starting to run, we tell them there are 3 great ways to almost guaranatee a call.  1. Take a shower/bath  2. Have sex  3. Go to bed. 

We had one gal show up on a call, hair dripping wet, mumbling as she walked to the rig.  She and her boyfriend had been in the shower having sex when the tones went off.  What did she expect????   hehehehe  :lol:


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