Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

sabbymedic

Forum Crew Member
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Middle of the night and it has been a busy one. Get a call as second car to MVC car vs horse. The scene has horse parts everywhere and the end trails are stuck to the back window of the car. Two pt's from back seat are sitting on the front lawn of someones house.

Bring them back to the ambulance where there is light to see what the pt was covered in.

With one tired look and the brake to stop what you are thinking from coming out of your mouth at 3 in the morning I took one look at the guy and said dude you are covered in @#$%t.
 

sabbymedic

Forum Crew Member
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This one I did as a new medic. Palpating a broken leg I stated to my senior partner that the patient did not have any step off deformity in his leg.

Never still have not lived that one down.
 

Linuss

Forum Chief
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I can one up everyone... I have a on worder!


I was working in the ED and toying around with the NIBP and pressed the wrong button... "Oops"

The pt and his family just stared at me like he was going to die or something. Nurse and doctor laughed because they caught on.
 

studmints

Forum Ride Along
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Nice topic.

Way too many to list....

One in particular, had a patient call for chest pains. He was a large man sitting in his armchair not looking well. I asked him if he thought he could stand up, pivot and sit on the stretcher.

As he leaned forward to stand, he made the most awful face and then collapsed in cardiac arrest.

I shrugged my shoulders and said "guess thats a no".
Thats by far one of the funniest things ive had the pleasure of reading.
 

U2623

Forum Probie
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These are great lol

Drew the short end of the stick one day and got pulled out of the EMS system to back up one of our IFT cars for a lift-assist. Not too happy about it we found out that this pt was one of our own frequent fliers, 550lbs, and lived in a double-wide mobile home. The hospital would always get pissed when we'd wheel her in with four fire-fighters as our own lift-assist. Anyways, our moods soured even more.

We walk in, find the crew there with their gurney putting a sheet on it. Doc walks by and looks at the gurney, feigning exasperation, "I specifically asked for your forklift RA this time!" That line made the whole trip worth it!

Also whenever we have the fake seizure that gives us the one arm for a BP, or shifts position for a more comfortable one on the gurney, we always have the new guy "ensure a patent airway" and have him lube up and drop an NP. Then we all laugh at the smug look on his face at having performed a medical miracle.
 

EmsPrincess*

Forum Crew Member
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nice topic.

Way too many to list....

One in particular, had a patient call for chest pains. He was a large man sitting in his armchair not looking well. I asked him if he thought he could stand up, pivot and sit on the stretcher.

As he leaned forward to stand, he made the most awful face and then collapsed in cardiac arrest.

I shrugged my shoulders and said "guess thats a no".
hilarious!
 

EmsPrincess*

Forum Crew Member
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I once heard a paramedic say within ear shot of distraught family members that "death can sometimes be a side effect of having 95 birthdays".
Funny...I've been taking care of a 96 year old woman for a few years now and occasionally she will say, " I just don't know why I'm so tired."
Ummm, I have an idea...
 

Stewart1990

Forum Crew Member
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Not mine, but a couple of EMTs in my old FD: (paraphrased)

They got a call to a local bar for a 30-something y/o w/ assumed seizure. After treatment, 'Amanda' asks "David' , "Wonder what made her tachy?"
David: "Did you see what she was wearing? she walked in there more 'tacky' than when she left!"

Guess you had to be there.....
 

nomofica

Forum Asst. Chief
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Not mine, but a couple of EMTs in my old FD: (paraphrased)

They got a call to a local bar for a 30-something y/o w/ assumed seizure. After treatment, 'Amanda' asks "David' , "Wonder what made her tachy?"
David: "Did you see what she was wearing? she walked in there more 'tacky' than when she left!"

Guess you had to be there.....
LOL! That's great!
 

benkfd

Forum Crew Member
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Probably one of the best ones was we were working a cardiac arrest and one of the medics goes to start an IO in the pt. He pushes the needle carefully through the skin and goes to drill. As he pushes on the needle it bends!!!!! He calmly and nonshelantly pulls out the needle, looks at it and states "guess that's going to be an email!" Then grabs another needle and tries again.:p
 

Stewart1990

Forum Crew Member
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Not to a patient (at least not a patient YET)-

What if I fall and get hurt?"
Medic: I'll have you naked and on a chopper before you wake up.
 

DV_EMT

Forum Asst. Chief
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Said my my EMT instructor,

cop: there's a guy popping off rounds upstairs and a body on the stairwell

instuctor (as EMT): I don't think i should go get him... looks unsafe

Cop: don't worry, I'll cover ya.


(the guy was dead as a doornail)
 

capceo

Forum Ride Along
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One of those things you just had to be there for, but some of you may find it amusing:

Call was for a 65YOM - Diabetic Emergency

We get there just as ALS is arriving.

Walk into the man's room, and he's kinda going in and out, gotta yell at him every few minutes to prevent him from going unconscious. Medic starts an IV.

Me: "Ok sir, Im going to tell you three words, and I want you to remember them. Im going to ask you what they were in a few minutes."

Pt. "Uh, Ok."

Me: "Ok. The words are Apple, Orange, and Car."

Pt. "Apple Orange and Car?"

Me: "Yep"

5 minutes later, the guy is totally with it now that his blood sugar has been adressed.

Me: "So do you remember those three words I told you before?"

Pt: "Sure! Bet your *** I do! Apple! Orange! Car! See!?! I remember! Watch this! Ill even say them in Spanish! Manzana! Naranja! Caro!

Me: "Great Job! I guess your feeling better!"

Pt: "Uh, Yeah sure. Can I go to the hospital now?"
 

MedicTom

Forum Probie
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Trying to lighten the mood with some patients we say, "Don't worry we won't drop you. We only drop patients on days ending in Y."

I once got to a call for a DOA. The girlfriend met us at the door (where you could see he was obviously dead) and said, "I think he's dead. I took pictures. Would you like to see?"
 

amberdt03

Forum Asst. Chief
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Trying to lighten the mood with some patients we say, "Don't worry we won't drop you. We only drop patients on days ending in Y."
i do that too except saying days ending in y, i just use whatever day it is.
 

JJR512

Forum Deputy Chief
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What I say about dropping people, I say it when loading into the ambulance: "A couple bumps going in...A few more if we drop you."

Naturally, some discretion is needed to know when it is not OK to say this.

(Learned this from a co-worker.)
 

HotelCo

Forum Deputy Chief
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Since I look so young, people ask me if I know what I'm doing and if I'm good at IVs. My reply is "Yep, I watched a lot of ER when it was on the air, that's a good substitute for training, isn't it?". Of course... discretion is the key here.
 

Buzz

Forum Captain
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"Now, I'm no doctor... but I'm pretty sure that arm isn't supposed to look like the letter Z." ~Overheard while trying to talk a patient into going to the hospital after falling.
 

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