Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

medic417 said:
Yes it is fun to be in power. Heck I get bored some times and send some of my aliases on involuntary vacations.
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So I guess the 18,750 users on this site are all you. And they're really only nine people that come on this site?
 
Achilles said:
So I guess the 18,750 users on this site are all you. And they're really only nine people that come on this site?
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No, No most are real. But my various personalitys do show up in many personas.
 
medic417 said:
No, No most are real. But my various personalitys do show up in many personas.
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The incorrect spelling of "personalities" leads me to believe that your aren't MMIZ :rolleyes:
 
Achilles said:
The incorrect spelling of "personalities" leads me to believe that your aren't MMIZ :rolleyes:
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Our is it a clever guise to throw you off?:unsure:
 
Alrighty.

Can we get back on track, and away from who is, or is not, impersonating (or being impersonated) by a Community Leader?


Me vs. College Student:
Me:
How many beers have you had tonight.
CS:
Not that many.
Me:
How many is that?
CS:
Well, not that much.
Me:
You're in college now. Surely you can do basic math. One beer plus one beer plus however many beers you had is?
 
Jon said:
Me vs. College Student:
Me:
How many beers have you had tonight.
CS:
Not that many.
Me:
How many is that?
CS:
Well, not that much.
Me:
You're in college now. Surely you can do basic math. One beer plus one beer plus however many beers you had is?
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My favorite one of those was when we were working standby at a major outdoor concert and were checking on drunk students to make sure they weren't so drunk we needed to actually do something about it.

College Student: *Barfs on floor*
Crew Chief: Have you been drinking today? *Looks at puddle of beer-vomit on ground*
CS: No. Well, I've had water.
CC: *Looks pointedly at puddle again* Let me rephrase the question. How much alcohol have you had today?
CS: A little too much, I guess, but I feel better now that I puked.
CC: Have a nice day.
 
CFal said:
In class a (good looking) female student was assessing me and I said "remember to check for priapism"
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Haha, I saw someone with the license plate "priapsm," a few days ago while I was driving around with my girlfriend. I started laughing pretty hard, she looked at it and asked "what's so funny? I don't get it."
I didn't feel like explaining it, so I didn't say anything and she went on to google it. She said "how can you think something like that is funny?"
I said "it's not... It's :censored: hilarious."
Well, maybe not, but at the time it was. :blush:
 
Male Pt with chest pain: Will I get cuter nurses at hospital?

Female partner: No but you just helped me clarify the gauge of needle I'm going to stick in you *pulls out 16G*
 
My partner to a little old lady...

Places a cannula on her and then gives her the other end of it. "If you start feeling short of breath just blow in the end of this to give yourself some more air."
 
Jon said:
Me vs. College Student:
Me:
How many beers have you had tonight.
CS:
Not that many.
Me:
How many is that?
CS:
Well, not that much.
Me:
You're in college now. Surely you can do basic math. One beer plus one beer plus however many beers you had is?
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The answer is always 2 :P

Also, asking most college students to do basic math is probably asking a little too much (no joke -- the amount of people to whom I've explained the order of operations is too high).
 
Not something a patient did or said but what a family member did.

Working a patient up with my partner in back and told wife to sit up front. I start driving to the ER and didn't pay to much attention to what the wife was doing until I hear psssst... I look over and she's opening my soda and eating my lunch. I very expletively said are you nuts... She said I'm paying for the ride, I'm hungry and saw the cooler so I'm eating it. I lost it on her, pulled over and told her to get out. She refused. I got out and yanked her out. The cops that were following us to the Er stopped got out and asked whats going on... Next thing I know she's in cuffs charged with disorderly conduct and some other bogus charges.
Although I laughed all the way to the ER I was po'ed because I was hungry, it was a good sandwich and MT Dew.
Never mess with a medics dew.
Come to find out they were on Medicaid (state welfare)... So I was paying for her husbands ride.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Medic One said:
Not something a patient did or said but what a family member did.

Working a patient up with my partner in back and told wife to sit up front. I start driving to the ER and didn't pay to much attention to what the wife was doing until I hear psssst... I look over and she's opening my soda and eating my lunch. I very expletively said are you nuts... She said I'm paying for the ride, I'm hungry and saw the cooler so I'm eating it. I lost it on her, pulled over and told her to get out. She refused. I got out and yanked her out. The cops that were following us to the Er stopped got out and asked whats going on... Next thing I know she's in cuffs charged with disorderly conduct and some other bogus charges.
Although I laughed all the way to the ER I was po'ed because I was hungry, it was a good sandwich and MT Dew.
Never mess with a medics dew.
Come to find out they were on Medicaid (state welfare)... So I was paying for her husbands ride.
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Yeah. I'd be proud to recount that story too.

Or not.

<_<
 
Pt: I... can't... breathe!!!!!!!
Me: You see this!? (pointing to SPO2 %100) It tends to disagree with your "breathing" theory! Now slow your breathing down before you pass out again. (hands out SL ativan)
 
Patient "I'm hungry, do you think you can go through a drive thru or something? "

:rolleyes:
 
Discharge from hospital full of spaniards, midnight, I walk into the room glancing in the hallway at my partner because she said something stupid and I walk in "Hola senorita,". Imhad fun trying to explain that I don't speak spanish.

Situational awareness people.
 
Regular transfer

Her: can we stop by the liquor store on the way to dialysis
Me:we stopped on the way over we got you covered!
 
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