Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
1,361
172
63
Medic 535: NEVER ask how something got somewhere; they may tell you; and worse it may actually make sense
 

docmoods

Forum Probie
12
0
0
After listening to a patient scream that we were all white and racist for around 20 minutes the only African American doctor in the ER walks in so my partner turns and states, "Hey doc your black!" *FACEPALM*

-Moods :ph34r:
 

Cup of Joe

Forum Captain
273
1
0
"Ambulance 1, Fly Car 1"
"Go ahead, Fly Car 1"
"Ambulance 1, would you care to join us for drinks at 7-11?"
"10-4, we'll be there in 5 minutes."

Edit: WOW!!! My bad...wrong thread. oops.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

SliceOfLife

Forum Crew Member
91
1
0
Taking elderly lady out of nursing home:

Pt - I think I had you before
Me - Your room does look familiar
Pt - Oh that sounded dirtier than what I said

I turn a crimson shade of red. My partner turns white.
 

KyleG

Forum Crew Member
64
0
0
We called to the local psych hospital for suicidal thoughts call.

So me and my partner split the call I talk to the nurse and the pt seems calm but I'm within ear shot to here for anything. So here's how it goes

Partner asking assessment questions when mid way through I hear

Pt F*** you
Partner what
Pt F*** you
Partner I know you did t just say that to me
Pt oh sorry

Hahaha it was great, lAter we had to call the cops but still great haha
 

adamjh3

Forum Culinary Powerhouse
1,873
6
0
Got this one from a patient last night:

Took a seventy-something male to the ER around 2200 for sudden onset of vomiting 5X in 1hr.

We cruise into his room, my partner is getting info from the nurse, I start going through my assessment, I ask him if he's currently feeling nauseated and he says "yeah, since you walked in the room"

Took me a second, I just laughed it off because he was altered.

Then we get to the ER, I open the doors and hop out
Pt: "Damn, you made it dark outside"
Me: "No one's ever called me sunshine, sir"

I dunno, the whole thing reminded me of going back and forth in good humor like that with my grandpa.
 

Kmuggee

Forum Probie
20
0
0
LOL That's awesome. Back when I used to date a coworker of mine, jokes of that sort were all too frequent.
Yeah.. haha
I made that exact same mistake when I was on one of my ride-alongs.
I was going through the pt. assessment very well for being a student and then I accidently let, "What was your last oral intake?" slip. I quickly corrected myself though.
Luckily the patient didn't really notice (she was a dementia pt. from a convalescent home) Instead, she was too busy holding my hand and gazing at my face muttering how pretty I was. Such a sweet lady. ^_^

I definitely could of said worse, especially just being a student!
 

jeepdude911

Forum Crew Member
34
3
6
I was on an assault call around Christmas a few years ago. The local Sheriff Deputy cancelled us on scene as my partner and I were bringing the gurney into the house. As we were leaving, I said, under my breath, or so I thought, "season's beatings". When an entire engine crew, the deputy and my partner erupted in laughter, I realized I had actually said it out loud. Talk about embarrassed!
 

Underoath87

Forum Asst. Chief
661
193
43
This one was told to me by my partner from his rookie EMT days.
(While driving through a tropical storm with horizontal rain at night)
IFT medic: "Sir, do you have any medical conditions besides the ones listed here?"
At that moment, the EMT nails a speed bump doing 30-40 mph that he couldn't even see. The medic actually has his head thrown into the ceiling of the ambulance.

"A BROKEN BACK!!!", screams the elderly patient.
 

medicman14

Forum Crew Member
35
0
0
Nice topic.

Way too many to list....

One in particular, had a patient call for chest pains. He was a large man sitting in his armchair not looking well. I asked him if he thought he could stand up, pivot and sit on the stretcher.

As he leaned forward to stand, he made the most awful face and then collapsed in cardiac arrest.

I shrugged my shoulders and said "guess thats a no".
Dear Lord,
Forgive me for laughing my a$off at this unfortunate circumstance and bless the one who tells the tale..oh, and AK, thanks for that one !
Sincerely,
Medicman14
 

Handsome Robb

Youngin'
Premium Member
9,736
1,169
113
Some might not think it's funny but had a hypothermic adolescent male tonight.

Me: Put these hot packs in your groin
Pt: Why
Me: firstly, your core temp is very low and we need to warm you up. There are big blood vessels right there that will help circulate the heat. Secondly it will keep your junk warm
Pt: Good call!
 

Handsome Robb

Youngin'
Premium Member
9,736
1,169
113

shiroun

Forum Lieutenant
167
0
0
unconscious male, patent airway/good bp/good strong regular pulse.
"Be advised we have a male, breathing, regular pulse, 120/80 BP, with bilateral arm fractures, unconscious, on oxygen. patient is roughly late 60s."

At that point the patient woke up, and screamed,
"I'M 42 YOU :censored::censored::censored::censored:ER."
 

shiroun

Forum Lieutenant
167
0
0
unconscious male, patent airway/good bp/good strong regular pulse.
"Be advised we have a male, breathing, regular pulse, 120/80 BP, with bilateral arm fractures, unconscious, on oxygen. patient is roughly late 60s."

At that point the patient woke up, and screamed,
"I'M 42 YOU :censored::censored::censored::censored:ER."
 

albertaEMS

Forum Asst. Chief
519
3
18
unconscious male, patent airway/good bp/good strong regular pulse.
"Be advised we have a male, breathing, regular pulse, 120/80 BP, with bilateral arm fractures, unconscious, on oxygen. patient is roughly late 60s."

At that point the patient woke up, and screamed,
"I'M 42 YOU :censored::censored::censored::censored:ER."
That's when you do a quick recovery and say you were just giving a bit more detail on his pulse. :p
 

shiroun

Forum Lieutenant
167
0
0
That's when you do a quick recovery and say you were just giving a bit more detail on his pulse. :p
Not worth it. He (about 20 seconds later) tried to convince me to try and reduce his fractured left arm. I told him good luck.

He moved his right arm and was like "OH."

Speaking of mildly funny stuff, my mom called me yesterday from the airport, where a diabetic went into shock and my mom said she thought the woman coded.

I was like,

"What makes you think that she coded?"

"Well her heart stopped..."

"Oh."
 

shiroun

Forum Lieutenant
167
0
0
Not worth it. He (about 20 seconds later) tried to convince me to try and reduce his fractured left arm. I told him good luck.

He moved his right arm and was like "OH."

WHOOPS.

Redo:

He tried to convince me to reduce it, then said he'd do it himself. THEN I told him good luck.
 

crispy91

Forum Ride Along
9
0
0
I don't have too many of these yet. But my dad was a cop for a while, and he has a few good ones:

Dad: Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?

Speeder (going 85 in a 45): I suppose you're just going to give me a ticket?

Dad: It's a possibility.

Speeder: What, do you have a quota you have to meet?

Dad: Yes ma'am. Two more tickets this month, and I win a free toaster.
 

taylor24

Forum Ride Along
7
0
0
I'm a former preemie (born at 24 weeks gestation) and had my share of health issues when I was younger. I'm also the daughter of a former police officer. For the past 5 years, I've been a volunteer civilian role player for our local police and medical personnel.

Needless to say, I've done, seen, and heard a lot of really interesting things depending on the scenario. :lol:

One of my absolute favorites was this:
Me: (various "severely injured victim in serious pain" sounds)
Paramedic #1: "It's all right, we've got you. We're going to take good care of you. On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate your pain?"
Me: (I've heard that question so many times; I kind of hate it! I'm quiet for a few seconds, trying not to laugh, and trying to think of an answer that's relevant to my "injuries".)
Paramedic #2: (smiles slightly) "1 being, 'I'm perfectly fine, not in any pain at all, what am I even doing here?' and 10 being, 'I'm being mauled by a bear, a tree fell on my head, I think I might see Jesus coming for me, and HOLY $#@&% I'M IN PAIN!'"
Me: :huh::rofl:

PRICELESS!! I just might have to find a way to use that the next time I end up in the hospital!
 

Top