Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

Not sure if it's funny, or you just had to be their to understand the circumstance.

pt: wait, you're gonna stick me with a needle?
medic: yup, we're gonna need to.
pt: I hate sticks
medic:... I love sticks... that's the only reason I wanted to get hired at the firehouse, to play around with sticks......

Patient didn't get the joke, he must of been so out of it.
 
Brought a homeless guy in the other day. Everything was cool like Fonzie until we dropped him off in the ED and he started yelling that we stole a hundred bucks from his wallet... Sigh...
 
just recently, transporting a patient who was 69 yr old, partner looks at her "Thats a good number". get to ER, patient was complaining cause she was only in a night gown and the dr says to her "Dont worry, anything we havent seen yet, we'll shoot it".
 
We got a call of an auto/ped on the freeway. The pt had run from the police onto the freeway, been thrown off several cars and then run over by a big rig. We got there and the pt was pretty mangled, but his head had been run over by the big rig tire and exploded.
I asked the captain of the FD what he needed and he said he just wanted me to confirm the pt was DOA. I told the Captain, the guy had no head, of course he was dead, the Captain said he just needed confirmation for his paperwork.
I got out the monitor paddles, put them on the pts chest and shook the paddles. The captain, looking at the monitor, not me, turned six shades of white and said "Holy ...., he's still alive, now what do we do?"
My partner almost needed resuscitation after that. The Captain didn't talk to me for weeks after that
 
SkyRider said:
We got a call of an auto/ped on the freeway. The pt had run from the police onto the freeway, been thrown off several cars and then run over by a big rig. We got there and the pt was pretty mangled, but his head had been run over by the big rig tire and exploded.
I asked the captain of the FD what he needed and he said he just wanted me to confirm the pt was DOA. I told the Captain, the guy had no head, of course he was dead, the Captain said he just needed confirmation for his paperwork.
I got out the monitor paddles, put them on the pts chest and shook the paddles. The captain, looking at the monitor, not me, turned six shades of white and said "Holy ...., he's still alive, now what do we do?"
My partner almost needed resuscitation after that. The Captain didn't talk to me for weeks after that
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Tapping the RA lead is also fun. Try it next time you're trying to pick up a patient from a tele unit and you can't find their nurse.
 
Not EMS related, but still so damn funny...

Responded to a power pole on fire. Excited cop on scene runs up to us and asks, "what can I do for you guys?" Almost jumping out of his skin with excitment. My driver responds, "Nothing, unless you got some doughnuts in your car." The cop quickly lost his enthusiasm.
 
:rofl:
jefftherealmccoy said:
Not EMS related, but still so damn funny...

Responded to a power pole on fire. Excited cop on scene runs up to us and asks, "what can I do for you guys?" Almost jumping out of his skin with excitment. My driver responds, "Nothing, unless you got some doughnuts in your car." The cop quickly lost his enthusiasm.
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jmc519 said:
I responded to a driver needed call from our local ambulance service a couple months ago, to a bar that's just a couple blocks from my house. The medic on the call was the instructor of my EMT-B class, which I was still in at that time. He had the patient, who was obviously ETOH, sitting on the cot, and told him "If you feel the need to vomit, just aim for my partner."
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During our FF academy we were trained that if the patient starts to vomit we were roll them towards the paramedic. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
 
IslandTime said:
During our FF academy we were trained that if the patient starts to vomit we were roll them towards the paramedic. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
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It may be different when that medic is your teacher :lol:
 
I took a motorcycle rider to the hospital. When we were Backboarding he said he needed to pee and then said he would give us 100 dollars to stop at a Dublin doughnuts and unbackboard him so he could go. Then at the hospital, the nurse asked what happened he said "someone cut me off, my bike came out from under me and I saw pavement, sky, pavement, sky, grass, sky."
 
I'll share a story during a simulated MCI during EMT class.

Our instructors had a habit of posing as gunman who enter simulated scene and shoot indiscriminately at our engine companies. We grew fond of this and always requested PDs presence & staged until they "claimed" the scene was safe.

It was not.

Picture 3 engine companies - I'm currently working a trauma pt. when one of our proctors starting shooting away - me and my buddy from another engine company tacked him to wrestle the gun out of his hands. He got shot in the process (my buddy) - along with 3 others.

They stopped simulating gunmen after that...
 
My first one was a call from about ten years ago. We cover a portion of the interstate and it was backed up for a MCI that occurred earlier that day. We got called back up there for a fall victim. The story goes as the guy really needed to go pee. and assumed that along the side of the road was only a barrier, where it was actually a bridge. Needless to say he hopped the barrier/bridge and fell about 30 feet down. Upon arrival he was CAO so we yelled down to him

Pt. Tells his story

My partner responds. "well I bet you S*** your pants on the way down huh?

A second one was a choking victim that coded. We arrived at the ED and the doc tells my medic partner he needs the pieces she was choking on to be sent to pathology to make sure it really was chicken.

Without skipping a beat, Well it looked like chicken, smelled like chicken.. And it sure as hell tasted like chicken.
 
Responded to a domestic... husband beat up his wife.
She is a bloody mess, I start assessing her (ETOH) and she flat out starts hitting on me. "Oooh...aren't you handsome." "I know you from somewhere..."
" I think I need mouth-to-mouth"... My medic is just barely containing his laughter, but loses it when the PT grabs my shirt and tries to pull me closer while she is puckering up. Keep in mind, she is adrunken bloody mess at this point.
 
Called out to an OD around 0300. Pt. is on the floor, bouncing and unable to speak. Friends report "taking acid." Pt. was unable to communicate, but looked hilarious bouncing up and down and moving arms sporadically. Get to the hospital and the nurse asks whats wrong. I looked at her, at the pt., back at her and said "She just wants to dance!":rofl:
 
IslandTime said:
During our FF academy we were trained that if the patient starts to vomit we were roll them towards the paramedic. I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
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ROLF I KNEW IT...our FFs here swear it's not true but they instinctually roll them my way every time!
 
MedicPam said:
ROLF I KNEW IT...our FFs here swear it's not true but they instinctually roll them my way every time!
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That's why I sit in the airway chair.
 
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