Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

Working a rugby game

I was on one rugby field and my partner was on the other. I called her for backup and she ran down and found me with a patient on the bench in seated spinal, she runs up to me and I look at her "Jenn, I suspect C-SPINE!" in a relativley panicked, newbie voice.... Her response "No :censored::censored::censored::censored: Sherlock." The patient laughed. I didn't.
 
We went for a pick up from the hospital and the nurse was taking her time so I decided to speed up the process and d/c the ECG

so I kindly asked the nice elderly lady if I could adjust her mammary region to remove the lead and she said sure

As I adjust the hanging skin she says:

"Ooh honey at least kiss me on neck the first" :rofl:

and it just so happened it all went down as the nurse was walking in.

I think my face was red the entire rest of my shift
 
I have another one but it is not a one liner but worthy of sharing.

We arrive for a pick up at the local mental health facility. And it was my turn to be the patient person no biggie. Well as we get let in I see this man standing behind the front desk. He has to be 7 feet tall and all muscle (looked like an NFL linebacker). He is very polite and nice. The nurse told us that he was very happy and in wonderful spirits but the facility we were transporting to was an hour away. Great!

We load up and he is kind of quiet until we hit the freeway and he begins to look nervously out the windows.

then these events transpire:

Me: are you comfortable?
Him: I know who you are and why you are here to get me!

Me: Yes I am an EMT and we are taking you to your house.
Him: You are under the mind control of an alien and the red car behind us is here to make sure you take me away.

Me: I am on your side and will not let anyone take you, I give you my word!
Him: Thats exactly what they told you to say.

Me: (emphasized loud enough so my partner would hear me) I know that RED car could not be following us it was on the freeway before we got on. Would it help if we switched lanes to prove its not following us.
Him: Yes (Keep in mind I have a 400 pound 7ft muscle man on my gurney)

Me: Hey partner I think we need to speed this trip up get in the fast lane. (thank god the red car stayed in the other lane)
Him: Ok so I guess you are on my side. But how do I know I can trust you?

Me: You can trust me because we are taking you home to XYZ in ABC City.
Him: Phew.... I am glad because I didnt want to hurt you.

(He just sits there for about 20 minutes)

Him: I know they are watching from satellites through the windows!
Me: (without hesitation) We brought our top secret ambulance because we knew how important you were and it has one way glass so we can see them and they cant see us.

Him: Really?!?
My partner: Yes our boss told us this mission was important (thank god he was listening still) and not laughing at me.
Me: See we have a mission and will not fail!!

He was quiet for the rest of the ride and needless to say the 15 minute vitals were UTO....I was not chancing it

Righ before we get out:

Him: We escaped this time but next time we wont be so lucky.
Me: silence

When we get inside and he is all nice and happy just like when we picked him up. He looks back and whispers I will be watching you two.

Yeah...scary!
 
jbrynels said:
I was on one rugby field and my partner was on the other. I called her for backup and she ran down and found me with a patient on the bench in seated spinal, she runs up to me and I look at her "Jenn, I suspect C-SPINE!" in a relativley panicked, newbie voice.... Her response "No :censored::censored::censored::censored: Sherlock." The patient laughed. I didn't.
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im laughing at this one lol yeah gotta love when we say something stupid and the patient laughs...

so yesterday on shfit.. we went to the store to get stuff for lunch.. i have never seen a person jump as high as this person did.. so i was in one line to check out, our capt was in another, medic was in another line.. well none of us realized how loud our radios were, dispatch drops the tones for another station and the lady that was ringing up my capt stuff jumped and said what the F was that.. and every buddy started laughing, not sure if was because of that or that all 3 of us reached for the volume nob to turn it down at the same time lol
 
EMS11 said:
One more just came to mind... I was on my way back from a show in PA when i came across a Fatal MVC with a motorcycle into a tree... When the troopers arrived they asked why i wasn't doing cpr.

"Well... I did a pulse check and realized that this is a crime scene, and did not want to contaminate it."

Cop: "How do you know he was DoA?" (with a real smug attitude)

Me: "Well 'DOC'... His helmet is across 4 lanes of traffic with a good amount of brain matter in it, that *points up 30ft to a high tree branch* That look like his ID. Oh and his head, is 180degrees from where it should be. Not to mention he smurf'd already. Also, half his bike is on fire on the median. Any more evidence needed Sherlock, or can ya solve this one?"

Cop: *to his radio* "Slow everything down, confirmed signal 5 (fatal)."

his HQ: "How do you know that?"

Cop: "I'll let the EMT on scene tell you......"

(worst part for the crotchrocket rider was all i had in the car to cover his body, was my friend's daughter's pink tinkerbell blanket....)
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Sorry but what does Smurf'd mean?
 
vamike said:
Sorry but what does Smurf'd mean?
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Are you for real? Cyanosis ring a bell or two? LOL :rofl:

smurf01.jpg
 
Martyn said:
Are you for real? Cyanosis ring a bell or two? LOL :rofl:

smurf01.jpg
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Yeah, but he used "Smurf'd" as verb. That's about as stupid a term as "green wind"
 
NeverSatisfied~NorCal said:
We went for a pick up from the hospital and the nurse was taking her time so I decided to speed up the process and d/c the ECG

so I kindly asked the nice elderly lady if I could adjust her mammary region to remove the lead and she said sure

As I adjust the hanging skin she says:

"Ooh honey at least kiss me on neck the first" :rofl:

and it just so happened it all went down as the nurse was walking in.

I think my face was red the entire rest of my shift
Click to expand...

Erhm, I hope the nurse said it was okay to DC the EKG. If not, how do you know that she wasn't on it for a spurt of rapid a-fib she had a little bit ago. Or that the nurse hasn't gotten the last vital set for you.
 
exodus said:
Erhm, I hope the nurse said it was okay to DC the EKG. If not, how do you know that she wasn't on it for a spurt of rapid a-fib she had a little bit ago. Or that the nurse hasn't gotten the last vital set for you.
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Then why would she be getting discharged if she was still supposed to be on tele?
 
Sasha said:
Then why would she be getting discharged if she was still supposed to be on tele?
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Order of things that may have happened:

Discharge order put in; you called and given the call to pick up the pt to return home (or to a floor somewhere else); pt had change in condition (ala r-a-fib) or something along the likes; rn is treating the patient and didn't have time to cancel the call. The nurse taking her time may be the nurse ordering medications or talking to the dr, or your dispatch center upgrading the call to CCT or cancelling all together.

I've had several times where we walk into the ER doors, and our pagers goes off for call cancelled - status changed.
 
exodus said:
Order of things that may have happened:

Discharge order put in; you called and given the call to pick up the pt to return home (or to a floor somewhere else); pt had change in condition (ala r-a-fib) or something along the likes; rn is treating the patient and didn't have time to cancel the call. The nurse taking her time may be the nurse ordering medications or talking to the dr
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Lol kind of a stretch, huh? Yes, possible, but I don't think taking off a 4 lead is going to kill your patient.
 
Worst comes to worst, reattach the leads (or get the RN to do it). Generally, I'll check in at the nurses station before making patient contact. Sure, official report and the packet may be delayed, but if something has changed that's the place when I'm going to find out anyways. It's not like disconnecting a ventilator.
 
exodus said:
Order of things that may have happened:

Discharge order put in; you called and given the call to pick up the pt to return home (or to a floor somewhere else); pt had change in condition (ala r-a-fib) or something along the likes; rn is treating the patient and didn't have time to cancel the call. The nurse taking her time may be the nurse ordering medications or talking to the dr, or your dispatch center upgrading the call to CCT or cancelling all together.

I've had several times where we walk into the ER doors, and our pagers goes off for call cancelled - status changed.
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Huge stretch. Tele usually comes off a few minutes after I enter the room.


Sent from LuLu using Tapatalk
 
Disconnecting the tele pack is not the end of the world. If she's having runs of anything, she'll have another, and monitor leads get popped off all the time.
 
usalsfyre said:
Disconnecting the tele pack is not the end of the world. If she's having runs of anything, she'll have another, and monitor leads get popped off all the time.
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Agreed
and it only takes 2 sec to put a lead on if needed
not a big deal
 
Hunter said:
Lol just remembered this another way of doing good CPR if you need a good rate of continous compressions, just follow the beat of this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E-WasNzVpI
Click to expand...

Being a huge fan of 90's alternative/grunge, I use this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8MAHQhKe7Q

EMS11 said:
One more just came to mind... I was on my way back from a show in PA when i came across a Fatal MVC with a motorcycle into a tree... When the troopers arrived they asked why i wasn't doing cpr.

"Well... I did a pulse check and realized that this is a crime scene, and did not want to contaminate it."

Cop: "How do you know he was DoA?" (with a real smug attitude)

Me: "Well 'DOC'... His helmet is across 4 lanes of traffic with a good amount of brain matter in it, that *points up 30ft to a high tree branch* That look like his ID. Oh and his head, is 180degrees from where it should be. Not to mention he smurf'd already. Also, half his bike is on fire on the median. Any more evidence needed Sherlock, or can ya solve this one?"

Cop: *to his radio* "Slow everything down, confirmed signal 5 (fatal)."

his HQ: "How do you know that?"

Cop: "I'll let the EMT on scene tell you......"

(worst part for the crotchrocket rider was all i had in the car to cover his body, was my friend's daughter's pink tinkerbell blanket....)
Click to expand...

Now being an EMT in NJ, shouldn't you know that you aren't allowed to pronounce anyone deceased. You can presume deceased, but you need a paramedic to confirm. I'm an EMT in NJ as well.
 
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traumaluv2011 said:
Being a huge fan of 90's alternative/grunge, I use this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8MAHQhKe7Q



Now being an EMT in NJ, shouldn't you know that you aren't allowed to pronounce anyone deceased. You can presume deceased, but you need a paramedic to confirm. I'm an EMT in NJ as well.
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If you are presuming someone dead, do you still have to work them since you can't confirm they're dead? Honest question.
 
traumaluv2011 said:
Now being an EMT in NJ, shouldn't you know that you aren't allowed to pronounce anyone deceased. You can presume deceased, but you need a paramedic to confirm. I'm an EMT in NJ as well.
Click to expand...

Even with widely accepted irreversible signs of death present?

Wow.
 
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