Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

[spar34]

had an old woman complaining of "neck pain", really just wanted a ride to the hospital, she was complaining very loudly and at one point said "oh please just hit me over the head to make the pain go away" to which my partner responded "if i could i would ma'am....you know, to uh...make your pain go away"

 

[AustinNative]

Me (while pt. is clonic)- "How often does she have seizures?"
Witness- "Every morning after she does Ecstasy."
Me- "Does this happen a lot?"
Witness- "Yeah, she really loves X."

 

[sirengirl]

"are you sure this isn't just your period?"

When doing my ride-alongs for EMT school, I was in Newtown (a "ghetto" section of our city) and got called for a frequent flier who is apparently stupid enough to make the EMT groan and say "Not THEM again!" Get her in the bac of the truck and this is how it goes-

Medic: "So your stomach is hurting, huh?"
Pt: "Yup, pretty bad."
Medic: "What kind of pain?"
Pt: "Like a stabbing."
Medic: "On a scale of 0-10 etcetcetc"
Pt: Ummm maybe like an 8."
Medic: "Is there anything that makes it worse or better?"
Pt: "No, but when it happens I bleed from my vagina."

.....yea.

 

[kknp4life]

*Guy gets in drunk motorcycle accident
New Medic-What happened?
Guy-I fell out of a tree!
Had to be there.

 

[EMTswag]

Me: "Dont worry ma'am we have not dropped anyone."
Pt: "Really?"
Me:"..Today."

 

[jediwill]

Hey yall! I'm new here, well new to posting anyways. I work for a private company in North Louisiana. We get alot of calls at the prison and have to transport to monroe, a very long ride! Most of our pts are handcuffed and strapped everywhere possible to the stretcher. We always have a guard with us. WELL... we were pulling up to the hospital and there are pot holes and speed bumbs everywhere so its pretty bumpy, as you can imagine. My partner takes the bumps as slow and easy as she could but it really doesn't help. when we go to unload our pt, he says dang! these roads are crazy bumpy! My partner replies yea, and theres not a da** thing you can do about it. meaning that you cant go around them or possibly take them any slower. the inmate, our pt, gets this look on his face like, did she really just say that to me?! We had to explain ourselves. It wasn't that he was handcuffed that he couldnt do anything....guess you just had to be there!

Lol typical Louisiana roads for ya.

 

[bigbaldguy]

When doing my ride-alongs for EMT school, I was in Newtown (a "ghetto" section of our city) and got called for a frequent flier who is apparently stupid enough to make the EMT groan and say "Not THEM again!" Get her in the bac of the truck and this is how it goes-

Medic: "So your stomach is hurting, huh?"
Pt: "Yup, pretty bad."
Medic: "What kind of pain?"
Pt: "Like a stabbing."
Medic: "On a scale of 0-10 etcetcetc"
Pt: Ummm maybe like an 8."
Medic: "Is there anything that makes it worse or better?"
Pt: "No, but when it happens I bleed from my vagina."

.....yea.

Nice.

 

[velocity x]

During one of my first calls I once told a patient to "Elevate it above your head" for a nosebleed. Yeah, I never lived that one down.

haha, nyyioce!

 

[feldy]

had a very combative pt who was c-spine (MVC) with positive ETOH. He was yelling and swinging at us saying that he would sue us. So finally i yelled at him to sit down and shut up. I got a smirk from my partner.

 

[Hunter]

Pt complaining of headache, we do our general assessment start ad IV and everything while transporting to hospital.

Prior to IV being started Pt stated pain was a 10/10, Administered 10mL of 0.9% Sodium Chloride, Pain went down to a 3/10 Amazing the healing properties of a Normal Saline Flush.

 

[Hunter]

Not something said to a patient but i think it's pretty good. its about cpr and transport

"Do it early, do it right, do it fast, then hold on for the ride."

Lol this reminds me of what we would say in our EMT class when talking about good CPR

"You gotta do it Deep, Fast, hard and don't stop except to blow, you're tired or someone else joins."

 

[katgrl2003]

Lol this reminds me of what we would say in our EMT class when talking about good CPR

"You gotta do it Deep, Fast, hard and don't stop except to blow, you're tired or someone else joins."

I snorted Gatorade out my nose when I read that!

 

[daine.scott]

We were told to put anesthesia in one of our patient. SO before surgery he was talking a lot. The patient was a middle aged man.

Patient: What happened?
Medic: You met with an accident
Patient: Ok, everybody is fine.
Medic: Luckily everyone is fine.
Patient: Who all are there?
Medic: Your kids, your brother, your wife.
Patient: How could you do this to me, you saved my wife and not me. Why is she fine and I am not this is not fair.
After that he went unconscious until post surgery.

 

[Hunter]

Lol just remembered this another way of doing good CPR if you need a good rate of continous compressions, just follow the beat of this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E-WasNzVpI

 

[DESERTDOC]

While at a Sutter hospital a Paramedic whom I despised came in with a code that turned out to be a field save in spite of this particular Paramedics best effort to kill the patient. He was happy about it and I just could not see wasting a good moment. I walked over said my congrats, and added "well, you can't kill'em all". And walked away.

 

[sirengirl]

Not quite patient one-liner, but god, I almost died...

Today in class we were practicing finding pulses (hey, cut me some slack, it's day 4 of medic...) on each other and the dummies. My teacher then says,
"Alright, put your hands down your pants and find your own femoral pulse."
Classmate says, "Would it be weird if we all watched Kara do this?"

I'm the only female in a class of 8 Fire/EMTs. Yeah, I DFO laughing/blushing. And no, I didn't even attempt it.

 

[Missedcue]

Giving a reprt to a doctor on a fall patient...

"..Pt was walking down the street and "DFO'd".........

DFO-Done Fell out- Doctor understood me too!!!!! lol

I brought a drunk fall into the ER and the nurse and I said FDGB at the same time... I didn't know Fall Down Go Boom was a clinical acronym.

 

[ZootownMedic]

Had a patient the other day say that they were allergic to Sodium, Epinephrine, and Magnesium.....I told them that was interesting and said "I'm guessing your not allergic to Morphine or Fentanyl though right?"....he said..."hell no, I do just fine with those!"......OH YEAH

 

[Jon]

I brought a drunk fall into the ER and the nurse and I said FDGB at the same time... I didn't know Fall Down Go Boom was a clinical acronym.

Yup. As is LOL in NAD, GOMER, and many, many more.

 

[attnondeck]

I brought a drunk fall into the ER and the nurse and I said FDGB at the same time... I didn't know Fall Down Go Boom was a clinical acronym.

i walked into the er the other day and on the dry erase board where they put the pt name by what bed they are in and their complaint it said "FDGB" :rofl: