the 100% directionless thread

mycrofft

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
48
48
Achilles

Achilles

Forum Moron
1,405
16
38
Kind of late, but oh well!

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
 
H

Handsome Robb

Youngin'
Premium Member
9,736
1,174
113
mycrofft

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
48
48
We've got standing water in the fields, the Sacramento River is into the trees along the levee and high under the Capitol Bridge.
 
Anjel

Anjel

Forum Angel
4,548
302
83
If my husband uses my razor to shave his fave one more time. I'm gonna cut him with it. Grrrr.
 
Medic Tim

Medic Tim

Forum Deputy Chief
Premium Member
2,140
84
48
Just got called in to work a 12.....yay for double time......not nearly as exciting as the triple time shift I had on Sat night though.
 
H

Handsome Robb

Youngin'
Premium Member
9,736
1,174
113
Holy faceshot batman. Nothing like a nice morning ride with 160 HP and 6 feet of fresh snow!

I think I got stuck going downhill like 3 times....never had that happen to me before.

Not stoked to work tonight....maybe I'll call off tomorrow and go riding again ;)
 
Medic Tim

Medic Tim

Forum Deputy Chief
Premium Member
2,140
84
48
we get time and a half plus an alternative day off on holidays. If we get called in with less than 48 hours notice it is double time. My company assigns the days off. I was called in for an OT shift on my Stat day meaning they have to pay me out a 12 hour shift or give me another day off and then double time for the shift as it was late notice.

I think i said that right
 
Last edited by a moderator:
CritterNurse

CritterNurse

Forum Captain
373
2
18
abckidsmom said:
Thankful to be home tonight, waiting for these punk children to give it up and go to sleep. I discovered an audio recording device planted behind the Christmas tree. They might look cute but they are far from innocent.
Click to expand...

One year my younger brother discovered that the remote-controlled tree lights ran off the same frequency as his fart machine. So before the party that year, he hid the fart machine in the same room as the tree, and waited for our dad to show off his remote controlled lights. Which also set off the fart machine each time. My brother then slipped the remote to the fart machine to one of the young children at the party and watched them set it off over and over and over...
 
D

DesertMedic66

Forum Troll
11,279
3,460
113
Had a very loud African American patient who's chief complaint was bronchitis. As we load the patient into the back of the ambulance my medic partner says "I ain't got no time for this". I just about fell down from trying not to laugh
 
Medic Tim

Medic Tim

Forum Deputy Chief
Premium Member
2,140
84
48
firefite said:
Had a very loud African American patient who's chief complaint was bronchitis. As we load the patient into the back of the ambulance my medic partner says "I ain't got no time for this". I just about fell down from trying not to laugh
Click to expand...

That's awesome
 
Anjel

Anjel

Forum Angel
4,548
302
83
MMiz

MMiz

I put the M in EMTLife
Community Leader
5,530
406
83
firefite said:
Had a very loud African American patient who's chief complaint was bronchitis. As we load the patient into the back of the ambulance my medic partner says "I ain't got no time for this". I just about fell down from trying not to laugh
Click to expand...
That's all I've been hearing this year in my classroom.

Me: Tomorrow you'll have a test on the causes of the American Civil War. I would suggest you review your study guide, notes, and online resources.
Students: Ain't nobody got time for that

2007: Your Mama (MTV Show)
2008: That's what she said (The Office)
2009: Imma let you finish...
2010: Brah
2011 - Wouldn't know, I worked with adults
 
Jambi

Jambi

Forum Deputy Chief
1,099
1
36
firefite said:
Had a very loud African American patient who's chief complaint was bronchitis. As we load the patient into the back of the ambulance my medic partner says "I ain't got no time for this". I just about fell down from trying not to laugh
Click to expand...

Oh I would've lost it!
 
lightsandsirens5

lightsandsirens5

Forum Deputy Chief
3,970
19
38
MMiz said:
That's all I've been hearing this year in my classroom.

Me: Tomorrow you'll have a test on the causes of the American Civil War. I would suggest you review your study guide, notes, and online resources.
Students: Ain't nobody got time for that

2007: Your Mama (MTV Show)
2008: That's what she said (The Office)
2009: Imma let you finish...
2010: Brah
2011 - Wouldn't know, I worked with adults
Click to expand...


"That's what she said" was my indoc academy's motto, I swear. It followed EVERYTHING.
 
Hunter

Hunter

Forum Asst. Chief
772
1
18
[\rant]

So I just got sent priority 1, to a hospital for an ift patient going from one hospital to another for urinary incontinence. I'm so f ing tired of getting sent lights and sirens for BS ift patients who are stable and have no need for a unit to respond lights and sirens just because our contract with that hospital says we have to be there within a certain time. Management says, "fire rescue does it goes L&S for stubbed toe" but when we ask for better equipment they say "we're not fire rescue" [\end rant]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
N

NYMedic828

Forum Deputy Chief
2,094
3
36
I feel pretty dumb about now.

We had a patient who had was a known drug abuser, didnt go to the methadone clinic today and his wife called because he was lethargic and having chills.

He wasn't very cooperative so we basically just took him to the ER assuming he too something. He was prescribed OxyContin and Xanax for home use but denied use.

Anyway, at the ER he finally lets us take vitals. SAT 79% on room air, BP 120/80, HR 116 and a temp of 105.0

Womp Womp
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top