Dumbest thing heard on the radio

Had a call for IFT for "rectal-vaginal fistula"
The MAN was missing his vagina and actually had an abdominal fistula post rectal CA surgery.
 
Had a guy squawk like a parrot over the radio on national "talk like a pirate day." The on duty supervisor didn't find it very funny. made him appologize over the radio.
 
Can we have the apartment letter...



Its apartment P as in Pneumonia
 
broken stretcher said:
Can we have the apartment letter...



Its apartment P as in Pneumonia
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I actually kind of love that. Gotta have respect for the dispatchers who can spell. I won't mention certain issues I've seen in the past... *cough* rectal breathing *cough*
 
chaz90 said:
I actually kind of love that. Gotta have respect for the dispatchers who can spell. I won't mention certain issues I've seen in the past... *cough* rectal breathing *cough*
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Is CPAP a new treatment option for rectal breathing?
 
Rectal CPAP is also indicated for people who can't get their head out of their arses.
 
Overheard outside the ER....

"So we put CPAP on his rectum..."

Yeah? Did it work in his rectum?

"Rectum? It damn near killed 'em!"
 
Dispatched for a 88 y/o M unresponsive CPR in progress for possible heart attack
 
TomP said:
Dispatched for a 88 y/o M unresponsive CPR in progress for possible heart attack
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Meh, that could be valuable information post ROSC, if you happen to make it that far.
 
We have a dispatcher who shortens the nature of the call.

"medic 103 respond code 3 to 1234 Hillbilly for a possible heart"
"medic 103 respond code 3 to 2345 Sunrise for breathing"
 
DesertEMT66 said:
We have a dispatcher who shortens the nature of the call.

"medic 103 respond code 3 to 1234 Hillbilly for a possible heart"
"medic 103 respond code 3 to 2345 Sunrise for breathing"
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We have a few that do that. I've had several memorable flubs on the radio, but my favorite is the classic:

"Medic ###, your responding to the fainting at 559 nowhere, for a 88y/o male unconscious but breathing....

I always have to laugh when I say it.
 
EMDispatch said:
We have a few that do that. I've had several memorable flubs on the radio, but my favorite is the classic:

"Medic ###, your responding to the fainting at 559 nowhere, for a 88y/o male unconscious but breathing....

I always have to laugh when I say it.
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our dispatchers say that all the time.


The other one that makes me laugh is they wont say syncope or near syncopal on the radio because they don't have a card for it. the card is "unconscious/ fainting". so we will be dispatched

Ambulance ### responding code 1 (lights and siren) to 123 blah blah st with cross streets of what and ever for an "unconscious/fainting" pt is a 27 yof who is conscious, alert and breathing normally.
 
Yep. We get that too. "Medic 108, respond to the unconscious person..."

Then the CAD note will say something like, patient felt like they were going to faint, conscious alert and breathing.

And it's a Charlie response. It's always a Charlie response.
 
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Yeah the unconscious/fainting card is my least favorite, especially since the latest versions of the software force you to it when people state they felt light-headed when they fell, or nearly passed out from the pain.
 
DesertEMT66 said:
In my area (pretty much all of California) we don't get tornados.

Dispatch: "Medic 502 respond code 3 to hewett street for a kid stuck in a tornado"

Medic: "uhhhh confirming a tornado?"

Dispatch: "that's affirm. Uhhhh I'm gonna call fire and see what's up because that doesn't sound right."

Medic: "copy. Uhhh do we stage for tornados."
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In Kansas we do. :)
 
Was talking to a friends niece who shared a really good from her department.

"Medic 1 respond to a vehicle accident"
"Meat Wagon 1 rolling."
 
My first weekend as the Command Officer for my fire department we were dispatched to a structure fire at a local river dam.

Me: "Dispatch, Unit XXX arriving at structure fire at XXXX Dam. Heavy black smoke visible. Dispatch mutual aid from districts XXX and XXX. Establishing XXXXX Dam Command."

Dispatch (barely able to contain the laughter): "Unit XXX arrived on scene, heavy black smoke visible. Establishing Damn Command."

For the next 9 hours, they refused to use the full command name and just kept calling for "Damn Command".
 
ffemt8978 said:
My first weekend as the Command Officer for my fire department we were dispatched to a structure fire at a local river dam.

Me: "Dispatch, Unit XXX arriving at structure fire at XXXX Dam. Heavy black smoke visible. Dispatch mutual aid from districts XXX and XXX. Establishing XXXXX Dam Command."

Dispatch (barely able to contain the laughter): "Unit XXX arrived on scene, heavy black smoke visible. Establishing Damn Command."

For the next 9 hours, they refused to use the full command name and just kept calling for "Damn Command".
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Now I really want to respond to a dam. "Medic 104, we are on the dam scene"
 
DesertEMT66 said:
Now I really want to respond to a dam. "Medic 104, we are on the dam scene"
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It was even funnier when they were relaying information to responding units.

"Engine XXX, Damn Command wants you to grab the hydrant on the northeast corner and lay in a 3 inch line."

"District XXX, Damn Command requests you respond with your SCBA recharging unit."

On the law frequency, "Deputies XXX and XXX, please respond to XXXX Dam for traffic control per Damn Command." Even the cops were laughing at that one.
 
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