You know what's really amazing? I did precisely that. Of my own volition, I decided to condense most of the new-poster topics into little bits of information that can be handily spoonfed to the new people. As far as I can tell, nothing changed. I even saw another stethoscopes thread.
So I'll probably continue updating the abstracts infrequently, but I'm going to fall back on a time-tested strategy for reducing the amount of worthless posts.
All message boards are going to have some level of idiocy. Mods are responsible for determining what sort of idiocy and influencing how much of it. If moderation is light, you get aggressive spam, rule-bending, and endless trolling and counter-trolling. If moderation is heavy, you get spam that posters are powerless to deal with, rule-bending, endless slapfights that end abruptly, and pervasive censorship.
Let them fight it out. Let the people with personal grudges send volleys of all-caps PMs, stretch threads to 10 pages of insults, and bawwquit. Intervene to keep them from ruining other threads and infecting the rest of the board with drama. Don't force them to bottle up their grudges and redirect them into anger at the mods. Let the members tell the people who start repetitive or stupid threads that their threads contribute nothing, that they should have searched, that they need to lurk moar, that they are whackers and they will die fat and alone. This board will be cleansed in fire.
I don't think it will be quite the cesspit of endless drama, politics, and trolling that the last forum I was a regular at became. Rather, it will be pruned. When there are consequences for making worthless posts, fewer worthless posts are made. When there are consequences for calling out worthless posts, the people that stand to contribute the most are punished for holding other posters to a higher standard. Eventually, they get frustrated and quit or are banned.
Mods, do you like seeing the same posts over and over again? Do you like having several separate "hi from [place]" threads outside of the introductions? Do you like seeing completely unrelated threads be dragged off into the same discussions of volunteer vs. private, fire vs. third service, BLS vs. ALS? If not, why are you encouraging them?