Funny Things We Say To Make Our Patients Feel Better

[OnceAnEMT]

... what?!

Edit: oh jeez, HOSPITAL beds, not a stretcher...

Or bari stretcher!?

No. Yeah, hospital beds. Well, more like surgery beds. Our ED beds are not the fancy electric blowup 16 way beds they have upstairs that they can't even work. We have a Stryker bed that is all manual and big enough to hold a bari patient. The rails stick out about 3 inches on each side when deployed, so we have to drop them for our closed rooms. Not sure who oopsed on that doorway design.

 

[MonkeyArrow]

Or bari stretcher!?

No. Yeah, hospital beds. Well, more like surgery beds. Our ED beds are not the fancy electric blowup 16 way beds they have upstairs that they can't even work. We have a Stryker bed that is all manual and big enough to hold a bari patient. The rails stick out about 3 inches on each side when deployed, so we have to drop them for our closed rooms. Not sure who oopsed on that doorway design.

That sounds like some of our doorways. You have to line it up just right with the rails up to pass, and even then, the rails still scrape the door on the way by. And it only happens on the doors in remote parts of the hospital, where the transporter is all alone and it looks like an annex building. I have to wonder, can't they budget the extra 3 or 4 inches to make the pass a bit easier.

 

[OnceAnEMT]

That sounds like some of our doorways. You have to line it up just right with the rails up to pass, and even then, the rails still scrape the door on the way by. And it only happens on the doors in remote parts of the hospital, where the transporter is all alone and it looks like an annex building. I have to wonder, can't they budget the extra 3 or 4 inches to make the pass a bit easier.

But then we couldn't afford cell phones issued to staff members on shift... or leather chairs in the oh-so-used physician's break room...

I hear ya. Many a scrape on our doors from transporters using the rails as a fulcrum or just grinding their way past.

Pt comes in POV with a knee injury post 4x4 accident. He was put in quick care. Quick assessment and observation of the wound prompted someone to page a trauma alert, because he technically met criteria, and they didn't care to question the fact. So as I am sitting there collecting more of a history, we hear "Attention, attention. Trauma Alert, ED Bed C. Trauma Alert, ED, Bed C." I look back at the Pt and his friend and sternly say, "Look what you did. You're famous!" as 2 nurses from separate sections, x-ray, and RT come into the room behind me. I just nod and smile, waving everyone away, making it my mission to find out who on earth called it. The Pt's friend got a hoot out of the completely unnecessary chaos.

 

[Martyn]

With a 68 yo female patient other day, got to the bit about past pertinent Hx...she reeled off the usual long list. When she finished I shouted out to my partner 'Hey Andrew, this patient is f****d, slow down while I open the doors and push her out' The look on my partners face was classic and the patient nearly wet herself laughing.

 

[Traumaholic]

Hi I will be in the back with you to the ER I need the experience. Dont worry I couldnt possibly drop two pt's in a row the same day.

 

[Jondruby]

Had a PT this summer who was working alone doing some sheetrock work in a building, fell of 6ft scaffold; shattered ulna, broke end of radius off, Broke hip ball, crushed hip socket, and factured his pelvis. I asked him how long he had been laying there he said about an hour, I said where were the other guys at? Breakfast? He says, Yeah at breakfast. I say, "Dude, you should've went to breakfast." He chuckled a little bit although he was in lots of pain. I stayed in ER to help out where I could. Tell the guys to take care, he says, "Thanks, I hope I dont have to see you again." Me too Dude.

 

[chaz90]

Had a PT this summer who was working alone doing some sheetrock work in a building, fell of 6ft scaffold; shattered ulna, broke end of radius off, Broke hip ball, crushed hip socket, and factured his pelvis. I asked him how long he had been laying there he said about an hour, I said where were the other guys at? Breakfast? He says, Yeah at breakfast. I say, "Dude, you should've went to breakfast." He chuckled a little bit although he was in lots of pain. I stayed in ER to help out where I could. Tell the guys to take care, he says, "Thanks, I hope I dont have to see you again." Me too Dude.

Osteogenesis imperfecta anyone? Dude sounds like he has a skeletal system made of balsa wood.

 

[Jondruby]

Osteogenesis imperfecta anyone? Dude sounds like he has a skeletal system made of balsa wood.

Yeah, He actually tried to jump from the scaffold because it rolled under him. Came down on his hip tried to catch himself with his arm...snap. Happens all the time, watch skateboarders on youtube. Basically the scaffold rolled out from under him, and he tried to jump over a squirrel cage fan on the gound, landed right on concrete. At least I didnt say, "Maybe next time you should use the brakes on the scaffold." Im pretty sure he will next time.

 

[spudz]

My friend always told me if the patient is younger mid-to-late 20's he says, "Hi, I'm doctor Nick!" and if they are a Simpsons fan get a kick.

 

[Mills2297]

When our paramedic is getting ready to poke for the IV he always yells out to the driver and anyone else in the back " did anyone ever watch the IV instruction video?" or " This is gonna hurt you more than me" haha

 

[Conditionsboss]

When our paramedic is getting ready to poke for the IV he always yells out to the driver and anyone else in the back " did anyone ever watch the IV instruction video?" or " This is gonna hurt you more than me" haha

Lol

 

[sack jears]

When transporting A&Ox4 little old ladies, I ask them not to beat me up in the back of the truck. That usually gets a smile.

Also, depending on the partner, I'll tell them they have the best looking crew on duty that day.

My friend said that to an old woman during his assessment and she actually stabbed him lol

 

[gotbeerz001]

I have asked LOLs with various body pain whether they have fallen, lifted something heavy or competed in extreme pullup challenges recently.


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[gotbeerz001]

When our paramedic is getting ready to poke for the IV he always yells out to the driver and anyone else in the back " did anyone ever watch the IV instruction video?" or " This is gonna hurt you more than me" haha

"Don't worry, I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night"


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