Funny Things We Say To Make Our Patients Feel Better

I'm going to call the hospital now and let them know you are coming so they can get the presidential suite opened up.
 
one patient was taken aback when i said 'can i borrow your finger' for a pulse ox. i then told her 'don't worry, i learned how to sow them back on the other day.'

laughs ensued but made the doctor mad lol.
 
Sow? You plant them and regrow fingers? Sweet.
 
"Here's some seatbelts so you can't run away" (fun with amputees {not really on the amputees})

"I promise this won't hurt me a bit"

"Not bad for my first day"

"Don't tell anyone I did a good job, you'll ruin my reputation"

"If I did a bad job my name's Steve"

"How do I do this job? You should meet my wife!" (she's my regular partner)
Wife jokes ensue.

The night show gets a little blue after 10, or after narcotic analgesics.
 
TheLocalMedic said:
Putting the cannula on before it's hooked up to oxygen and giving them the other end, "If you feel like you need more air just blow through here"
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Lol I'm probably gonna use this sometime in the near future.






Sasha said:
"this is our hipaa form. It is also a great cure for insomnia. Reading it always puts me right to sleep."
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Lol this one I'm definitely stealing.

I tell my patients when i'm putting the seatbelts on that the straps are a parachute in case we drop them, or if its a little kid I tell them it's because we came in a flying ambulance. I.don't always use it because I don't wanna break a little kid's heart when they see our trucks.
Whenever we have a powerpro I call it bumble bee from transformers.
 
Hunter said:
Lol I'm probably gonna use this sometime in the near future.








Lol this one I'm definitely stealing.

I tell my patients when i'm putting the seatbelts on that the straps are a parachute in case we drop them, or if its a little kid I tell them it's because we came in a flying ambulance. I.don't always use it because I don't wanna break a little kid's heart when they see our trucks.
Whenever we have a powerpro I call it bumble bee from transformers.
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With our power stretchers I tell kids we can't go until they make the stretcher raise up, so they have to say "Up up and away!!!"
 
When ambulating little old ladies to the stretcher or stair chair and supporting them I always say "May I have this dance?"

My partner and I make a pretty good comedy team, no good regular jokes but we've had a few patients ask if we were married. Answer: "Just at work, but don't tell my other husband/wife."

With scared family members when they're a little paniced but everything's actually under control I've had good success with this one: "Do I look scared? No, okay then let's make a deal. Take a nice deep breath come sit here and hold their hand and you don't get to panic until I do. Okay?" Works great on older kids when they're parents are hurt.

When patients ask if we'll be using the sirens to go to the hospital I sometimes use: "Bah! You're not that interesting." Sounds callous, but with a big smile and the right tone it gets a smile.
 
Sasha said:
With our power stretchers I tell kids we can't go until they make the stretcher raise up, so they have to say "Up up and away!!!"
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I love this! I would say I want to start using it, but in all likelyhood I won't ever remember!
 
Wolfman, you reminded me of the banter my partner(s) and I would use. A good memory, thanks.

Had a patient's daughter (it was a dialysis trip so we let her deadhead along) tell me I looked familiar. Turned out she had seen me when I was a dockhand/lifeguard/first-aider five years and 1500 miles ago.
 
WolfmanHarris said:
When ambulating little old ladies to the stretcher or stair chair and supporting them I always say "May I have this dance?"
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Always used that with one of my regular dialysis patients...his reply? You lead, I'll follow. Unfortunately he passed away a couple of months ago, just after his 30th birthday...it was a pleasure knowing you even for a short time Jonathan.
 
I don't have any EMT stories, yet!

How about funny calls I received as a 911 call-taker?
 
Heylove said:
How about funny calls I received as a 911 call-taker?
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You wouldn't believe some of the calls I have taken..... start a new thread, I'm sure you can find some good ones... from tonight lol
 
WolfmanHarris said:
When ambulating little old ladies to the stretcher or stair chair and supporting them I always say "May I have this dance?"

With scared family members when they're a little paniced but everything's actually under control I've had good success with this one: "Do I look scared? No, okay then let's make a deal. Take a nice deep breath come sit here and hold their hand and you don't get to panic until I do. Okay?" Works great on older kids when they're parents are hurt.

When patients ask if we'll be using the sirens to go to the hospital I sometimes use: "Bah! You're not that interesting." Sounds callous, but with a big smile and the right tone it gets a smile.
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Ha I have used all of those. I got caught out with "don't worry until I look worrried" unfortunately it went wrong!
 
Had an interesting young balls pt who believed there were nails in his head. He implored I check his brain.... wellllllll I had a long ride with this fellow so I thought it best it i did "check his brain". So of course through some leads on his dome and print off a stip so he can see it. He was delighted to hear it was the best brain monitering I had ever seen.... The nurses got a kick outta my pt still with leads on his head rolling into thier e.r.
 
To A patient who cannot walk, or who has trouble to walk due inguries.
When they are on the stretcher...
Just a second, don't go and take off
 
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