Dumbest thing heard on the radio

emtkopan said:
"Medic 25, respond to XYZ address on a F passed out. Caller states she passed out after anal sex."
Click to expand...

My computer screen is covered in coffee now thanks to this....
 
"Responding for a male, hearing voices."

"10-4, if he's hearing Elvis, we'd like PD."

"Negative. Not Elvis, voices."
 
We'd just cleared from a standby for a drug raid and were headed back to station.

FD: "***** County 5, your headlights are off."
Med Unit: "Copy. Thank you, Truck 5."
Partner (off air): "Tell 'em we're incognito."
 
We had a call for a "testicular contusion". I cringed on that one!
 
"Unit x, respond to the area of Rt. 50 and X for a half-dead deer... You're responding for the other half (Everyone laughing in the background)."
 
Dispatch: "Unit ## call for an ems alarm. 1234 street dr. Caller states isolation precautions required."

...Halfway to the location.

Dispatch: "unit ##. Updated information. Patient isolation is pink eye"

On scene the patpatient's c/c was... "I couldn't put in my eye drops without blinking!!"
 
Dispatch: "Medic 104 respond code 3 to the public library for an assult where the patient was hit in the face...... Be advised the suspect has left the scene."

Medic 104: "Medic 104 copy, so us enroute."

Unknown unit: "IN THE FACEEE."
 
Ambulance (ME): HQ, were ready to go, status on ALS
Dispatch: You have medic 10 assigned from North Town, but they havent checked in
A: Recieved, you can cancel Medic 10, we are going to to South Trauma, can you try Central ALS or Trauma ALS for the intercept

D: Standby...A, you wont be able to get ALS from Trauma, wait for Medic 10

A: Negative D, we need to go, taking Route to Highway, advise if you get a Trauma

D: A...STANDBY FOR MEDIC 10, THE HOSPITAL YOU ARE GOING TO HAS NO ALS AVAILABLE

A: I understand D, but the patient requires a Trauma Center, so i am going there eaither way, is no other ALS available Central?

D: MEDIC 10 IS RESPONDING

A: Received, confirm no ALS available in County, advise Trauma 15min ETA with a head injury

D: Call D when you clear Trauma

A: Yeeeeeah, if you have an issue, you can call the chief

Meanwhile, Trauma ALS was listening: A, do you need a hand?...
 
Dispatch: Medic A city run 123 XYZ street (gay bar) condition 12, priority 1.........caller request you come to the rear entrance

Medic A: (laughter in back ground)..............do we have too?
 
Description is everything

County, 340... 1234 Anystreet Ave... 62 y/o male for a gravity incident involving a tree.
 
"Your going to an air ambulance transfer, picking up from hospital X, going to Airport Y for an ETA of 1430. Pt requires monitor, IV, oxygen and is on a doberman infusion"
 
Engine 1 : "Fire Alarm Fire Alarm Ecto 1 back in quarters"
Fire Alarm : "Okaaaaaayyy @ 20:32 "
 
Dispatch: Medic 9 (a downtown unit) post in 19’s (a mile from Medic 9's zone) zone.

Medic 9: ok.

Dispatch: Medic 19 just got in service but can you stay near there until they get back to zone.

Medic 9: You mean downtown?

Dispatch: Yes.

Medic 9: Ok. Posting in our zone.
 
Received a call from a SNF in our county, do a full EMD interrogation, and get an additional extensive medical history. I provide the initial dispatch to EMS (Age, Gender, CC, Hx, and location),etc....

2 Minutes later on LE Dispatch (After LEO heard our dispatch):
LEO: "Enroute to ---- , to assist and find out more information"
(LEO Arrives)
LEO: " Advise EMS the patient is --y/o, male"
LEO: "History of ----, Complaining of ----"
LEO: "Advise EMS he is located ------"
Disp: "10-4 (irritated)"
(2 minutes later, & after the medic marked on scene)
LEO: "Advise FD Dispatch Medic XYZ on scene."
Disp: "Yea, We're aware (doing a really good job to not curse)

Outside of making an *** out of himself, we were thrilled to feel like no one trusts what we do behind the radio and phones...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Dispatch: Standby Dburg Ambulance. >tones<
Dispatch: Fire control to all Dburg Ambulance monitors respond to Dburg HS 191 Main st for an activated fire alarm. FC off and clear at 00:45.
Me: A930 to FC. Did you mean to tone out Dburg fire?
Dispatch: Standby Dburg fire....
 
once

I once had a partner get on the 400 and say medic 54 going code 3 to hospital and is currently lost.... that was a :censored::censored::censored::censored: storm
 
bahnrokt said:
Dispatch: Standby Dburg Ambulance. >tones<
Dispatch: Fire control to all Dburg Ambulance monitors respond to Dburg HS 191 Main st for an activated fire alarm. FC off and clear at 00:45.
Me: A930 to FC. Did you mean to tone out Dburg fire?
Dispatch: Standby Dburg fire....
Click to expand...

Haha gotta make sure the ambulance is on scene, someone could fall down the stairs evacuating the building...
 
Report to ER staff while enroute:

Me:__ Ambulance to Hospital
ER: Hospital, come in ambulance
Me: We inbound with a 23yo male, possible OD. Pt complaining of purple Jelly fish with top hats, vitals are ____...
PT screaming over Mic: IM CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
Me: Body temp is 104.3, we are about 5 mikutes out, PT is combative but restrained please have security meet us at the door. Do you require anything further.

For the record he didnt reach climax, nore did I do anything to encourage it.
 
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