Dumbest thing heard on the radio

This was for a transport during rush hour traffic with either construction or lane blocking fender-benders all over the place:

Me: medic control 123, do you know of any way to get me to this call on time?
Medic control: Stick your arms out the windows and flap?

Too bad it didn't work....
 
Medic Unit on radio report to receiving hospital when I happened to be on ER clinicals as a nurse.

ER: Go Ahead, medic 467
medic: We're en route with a male, age xx c/c MVA caused by deer bite.
ER: Can you 10-9 that traffic?
medic: umm, MVA caused by deer bite
ER: (Laughing)
medic: Pt was driving along xy rd, found what he assumed to be a dead deer,
loaded it in the back of his vehicle. (silence)

Pt reports the deer in the back seat woke up as he was driving and bit
him on the ear.

ER: (Hysterical laughter.. )
medic: (Laughter), ETA 3 minutes, vitals WNL
 
That's one reason I love this job... you can't make this :censored::censored::censored::censored: up :)
 
Heard this on the SD dispatch today:

Reserve Senior Volunteer Patrol: "San diego, can you spare a couple officers to XX to harrass some skaters for me?"
Dispatch: "We can send a couple to make CONNNNTAAAACT, you need to stop that"
 
it was last wed. Here in Maryland we had a pretty good blizzard during rush hour. There were so many calls for down, arking powerlines we couldent handle them all. anyway it was 2am and another station went to a call for arking power lines and reported that they had a hard time finding it because:

Brush 3 " brush 3 to howard"
dispatch " brush 3 go ahead"
Brush 3 " we just found the down lines, someone tied a rope around it and then tied it to a tree"
dispatch " umm............. 10-4 brush 3 (laughter)"
 
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One of our neighboring departments has an EMT who has a hard time remembering what unit number they are riding in. The EMT, after correcting their unit number multiple times that day, called in again to 911 dispatch with the wrong unit number. 911 dispatcher came back with "are you sure now". Knowing the transmissions are county wide just adds to the insult. Ironically, the dispatcher was the lead/supervising dispatcher. It was hilarious.
 
Fire guys

Scene size up for a possible stucture fire:

Dispatch, you can show xxx on scene one story type V construction there is smoke showing from the B side of the building. It appears to be coming from the chimney on the roof. Break. Could we get a page for an engine response at this time?
 
medicRob said:
Medic Unit on radio report to receiving hospital when I happened to be on ER clinicals as a nurse.

ER: Go Ahead, medic 467
medic: We're en route with a male, age xx c/c MVA caused by deer bite.
ER: Can you 10-9 that traffic?
medic: umm, MVA caused by deer bite
ER: (Laughing)
medic: Pt was driving along xy rd, found what he assumed to be a dead deer,
loaded it in the back of his vehicle. (silence)

Pt reports the deer in the back seat woke up as he was driving and bit
him on the ear.

ER: (Hysterical laughter.. )
medic: (Laughter), ETA 3 minutes, vitals WNL
Click to expand...

that.. is.. hilarioussssss :lol:
too bad we wont get any deer calls around here
 
I got paged 4 times a few years ago for hysterical laughter...

The 5th time was for "penis pain", "domestic", and hysterical laughter.
 
Firefighter: Don't lay a line, we're just gonna watch it burn. :wacko:

Next day, sure enough it was burned to the ground.
 
I worked at a private BLS company where the dispatcher was on the main floor and the quarters were above. I picked up a ticket for an ITF and the pt CC was "Comma toast"! And she eventually married the boss. No :censored::censored::censored::censored:
 
AlwaysATraumaJunkie said:
I worked at a private BLS company where the dispatcher was on the main floor and the quarters were above. I picked up a ticket for an ITF and the pt CC was "Comma toast"! And she eventually married the boss. No :censored::censored::censored::censored:
Click to expand...

A comma toast patient married your boss? :ph34r:
 
Just heard this gem on one of the local PD tac channels:

"Abel, map says this doesn't exist."
"6-Charlie, I'm standing here, it exists."
"I don't see you, you sure you exist?"
"uh... that's... affirm..."
 
OK, can't swear to the accuracy of this one as i didn't hear it personally but my colleague swears it happened!

Not sure if you guys do "stand-by's" where you end up away from station because the computerised despatch system works out a probability for the location of the next emergency call but that's how it works here. As a result you can be left out in the middle of nowhere for a couple of hours at a time.....

Unknown Voice: "I'm ******* bored!"
Controller: "Last caller identify yourself!"
Unknown Voice: "I said I was ******* bored, not ******* stupid!"


---------------

And this one I can confirm because I was there, names and callsigns changed to protect the guilty!:

Radio crackles into life and a (quite good) rendition of "Dancing Queen" can be heard. A male voice can then be heard in the background:

Unknown Male: "Tracy, your mic has gone live!"
Tracy: "Huh?"
Unknown Male: "Your mic is on, you're transmitting!"
Tracy: "Oh **** me!"

At which point the radio goes quiet for a moment and then the following transmissions were made:

A101: "Negative on last instruction"
A102: "Also negative on last instruction"
A103: "Negative also on last...."

This carried on and every ambulance on shift called in to let her know we'd all heard her mistake!

I'm pretty sure that "Tracy" will, one day, get her revenge but for now she's still getting reminded of that afternoon :)
 
Dispatch -"Unit X respond to Location A for the rat bite"

Unit X- *giggling* "whats the nature"

Dispatch- R-A-T, rat bite

gotta love newark
 
Knowing we were responding to a housing tract with astronomical names and how we are supposed to get there the engineer radioed:

Engineer: "Dispatch, confirm directions to our call."

Dispatch: "Engine 4, turn left at Uranus and keep going until you get to starlight."
 
TreySpooner65 said:
Knowing we were responding to a housing tract with astronomical names and how we are supposed to get there the engineer radioed:

Engineer: "Dispatch, confirm directions to our call."

Dispatch: "Engine 4, turn left at Uranus and keep going until you get to starlight."
Click to expand...

That's not where I would have gone with that joke at all. There would have been a sphincter reference somewhere in there. LOL
 
MICU is dispatched to respond to a neighboring county, has an extended ETA (20-25 minutes).

Dispatch to MICU X-X: "Per Z County, you are going to have a 30 y/o female with mutiple seziures. I suggested that they dispatch their FD for a med assist, but I don't think they took the advice."
 
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