Why is it that we do what we do again?

[lex]

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, or at least I usually do, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I've had a couple of really rough days and I've been laying in bed trying to remember why it is that we put up with all the crap, and the pain and the heartache that we can see in this business and I just can't come up with an answer to that question.

I know everyone is going to die sometime, and I know that perfectly good people, and horrible, awful people have their lives forever changed by illness and injury everyday and I know that these things are going to happen despite all of our best efforts to prevent and treat them, and usually I am okay with that. Tonight I keep asking myself why we knowingly subject ourselves to these situations day in and day out, night after night.

Just yesterday I was talking with a co-worker about how bothered I was at how numb I'd become to some of the things that we see in this business. Tonight I'm wishing that the numbness would return.

 

[DesertMedic66]

Because I was raised to always help people and always be prepared. So the EMS and fire service just took place with how I was raised. We see bad stuff and don't get treated the best but I am fine with that.

 

[FourLoko]

The only ache and pain is in my back and shoulders. Otherwise I'm just the damn chauffeur.

 

[the_negro_puppy]

Dealing with death and misery doesnt bother me. Continually working long overtime hours without breaks to taxi people who don't even require a doctor let alone hospital.

 

[Nervegas]

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, or at least I usually do, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I've had a couple of really rough days and I've been laying in bed trying to remember why it is that we put up with all the crap, and the pain and the heartache that we can see in this business and I just can't come up with an answer to that question.

I know everyone is going to die sometime, and I know that perfectly good people, and horrible, awful people have their lives forever changed by illness and injury everyday and I know that these things are going to happen despite all of our best efforts to prevent and treat them, and usually I am okay with that. Tonight I keep asking myself why we knowingly subject ourselves to these situations day in and day out, night after night.

Just yesterday I was talking with a co-worker about how bothered I was at how numb I'd become to some of the things that we see in this business. Tonight I'm wishing that the numbness would return.

After 7 years in Fire/EMS I can honestly say that there are still calls that get to me, as Linuss knows from my PM. The trick is to remember that we are humans, we aren't cold heartless beings who can care for faceless patients day in and day out without emotion. We just have to find healthy ways of releasing the stress so we don't get overwhelmed and burnt out or end up in a depression. Talk, talk to people you work with, your partner, a mentor, someone who will understand, spouses/life partners/other SO's tend to not understand unless they too are in the field. Get out, hang out with friends, watch a movie, play games, go bike ride, do something outside of EMS that you enjoy and do it on a regular basis. If I ever become so numb as to stop caring all the time, its time to get out of this business. I do this job because I honestly and truly care about the well being of fellow man, I joke about people being stupid and yell at them for cutting us off in traffic in an ambulance, but at the end of the day I still care. We all got started in this business for one reason or another, but we all stay in it for as long as we do for the same one, to save those we can, help those in any way we can that we can't, and comfort the ones left behind when necessary.

 

[mycrofft]

If it was easy it wouldn't be notable, right?

The other end of the spectrum can be uncomfortable too; when you take death with equanimity, other who are grieving will sometimes get hostile or think you don't care.

 

[Fish]

The only ache and pain is in my back and shoulders. Otherwise I'm just the damn chauffeur.

Thats because your a transport EMT

 

[Fish]

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, or at least I usually do, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I've had a couple of really rough days and I've been laying in bed trying to remember why it is that we put up with all the crap, and the pain and the heartache that we can see in this business and I just can't come up with an answer to that question.

I know everyone is going to die sometime, and I know that perfectly good people, and horrible, awful people have their lives forever changed by illness and injury everyday and I know that these things are going to happen despite all of our best efforts to prevent and treat them, and usually I am okay with that. Tonight I keep asking myself why we knowingly subject ourselves to these situations day in and day out, night after night.

Just yesterday I was talking with a co-worker about how bothered I was at how numb I'd become to some of the things that we see in this business. Tonight I'm wishing that the numbness would return.

Nothing wrong with sheddin a tear, don't let this stuff effect you. Always do your best, always be professional, and always treat the family with respect, and then move on.

 

[Shishkabob]

Why do what we do? Because someone has to, and most others can't.

 

[Fish]

Dealing with death and misery doesnt bother me. Continually working long overtime hours without breaks to taxi people who don't even require a doctor let alone hospital.

That happens in happy auzz land too?

 

[silver]

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, or at least I usually do, I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I've had a couple of really rough days and I've been laying in bed trying to remember why it is that we put up with all the crap, and the pain and the heartache that we can see in this business and I just can't come up with an answer to that question.

I think it is important to continually discern what you do in life. I think a great way is asking three general questions: whats brings you joy in life, what are you good at in life, and what do you think the world needs you to do. These questions aren't answered with a sentence, in fact it is probably good if you can't concisely answer these questions right away. A "vocation" that is supported by these answers is likely to bring genuine happiness.

By understanding the impermanent nature of life, we can live our lives to a more fulfilling level. This is not to say that we shouldn't show compassion and empathy to those who are grieving or be sad/grieve ourselves. However, it is important to not get caught up in those feelings. Recognizing that death is a natural process and that those emotions are a result of our attachment to the idea of permanence let us not get overwhelmed with those emotions/feelings.

Obviously all of this is much harder to do in practice than it is for me to write it out.

 

[Tigger]

Thats because your a transport EMT

Right because we never see the results of the healtcare system failing a person as a "transport EMT." Many of depressing calls I've run have been transfers. It's a different kind of depressing to be sure, but it's not all candy and rainbows in the IFT world either.

 

[bstone]

Dude, I know how you feel. I'll admit that I see a shrink every week. It's one of the best things I can do. I go into our meetings with a week's full of insanity on my mind, I let it all out and I walk out feeling like a million bucks. Have you thought about it?

 

[Flightorbust]

Dude, I know how you feel. I'll admit that I see a shrink every week. It's one of the best things I can do. I go into our meetings with a week's full of insanity on my mind, I let it all out and I walk out feeling like a million bucks. Have you thought about it?

This brings up a question for me. How does hippa fall into this

 

[fortsmithman]

If not us then who.

 

[Handsome Robb]

This brings up a question for me. How does hippa fall into this

If your not revealing identifying information I don't see it being a problem.

To the OP, don't bottle these things up! That never ends well. Talk to someone seek a CISD from your employer if it's an isolated incident. I'll say it again, don't bottle it up.

 

[DrParasite]

because chicks dig guys in uniforms

 

[Seaglass]

because chicks dig guys in uniforms

Because guys dig chicks in uniforms.

More seriously, here's my take:

-We can help. Not all of the time. Not most of the time. But occasionally, we get really lucky and find ourselves with a chance to make a difference. Just being there helps, even with a bad outcome. Think about it. When Grandpa dies in the middle of the night, Grandma's often alone until we arrive. When a teenage mother goes into labor, we're often the only ones there too. Even when Grandpa stays dead and the baby's stillborn, at least Grandma and Mom weren't alone.

-We do it because we like it. I look for something I like in the worst calls, where it's not immediately obvious. Maybe it's something I did. Maybe it's something I learned. Maybe it's just that it makes me appreciate normal life a little more. But I'm not ashamed when I find some redeeming value in really ugly calls. (Of course, I won't say that to people outside of EMS.)

So, you've found that you can't stay numb. That's pretty normal. You'll find what works for you eventually. Regardless, go have a life outside of your uniform. It'll help you recharge.

Talk to people who get it, too. If you can find a shrink who gets it, that's wonderful. If not, find a coworker you trust. Don't force yourself to talk about it if that makes you feel worse, though. People cope in all sorts of ways, and forcing yourself to use a way that doesn't work for you can hurt.

 

[lex]

Because I was raised to always help people

I wonder how many of us that is true for. I know that certainly played a part in my getting into the "business" but this last week or so I'm just not sure it's enough to keep me coming back.

We see bad stuff and don't get treated the best but I am fine with that.

What is it that makes you fine with that? Or it that just something that is?

The only ache and pain is in my back and shoulders. Otherwise I'm just the damn chauffeur.

Even "just being the damn chauffeur" as you put it you've got to see the misuse and abuse of our system and all the people that are constantly slipping through the cracks. How do you keep that from getting to you after a while? Or do you just learn stop caring? Or did you perhaps just never cared in the first place?

Dealing with death and misery doesnt bother me. Continually working long overtime hours without breaks to taxi people who don't even require a doctor let alone hospital.

There's days when that gets to me too, but I've always looked at that as an opportunity to educate these clients/patients. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't, but these people are calling on us because they don't know who else to call. Maybe I'm still too naive but I don't believe that anyone goes out there thinking "hey, I'm going to purposely abuse the 911 system and take an ambulance away from someone who actually needs it because I know I don't, I just want a ride to the hospital." But again, maybe that's just my naiveté.

After 7 years in Fire/EMS I can honestly say that there are still calls that get to me, as Linuss knows from my PM. The trick is to remember that we are humans, we aren't cold heartless beings who can care for faceless patients day in and day out without emotion. We just have to find healthy ways of releasing the stress so we don't get overwhelmed and burnt out or end up in a depression. Talk, talk to people you work with, your partner, a mentor, someone who will understand, spouses/life partners/other SO's tend to not understand unless they too are in the field. Get out, hang out with friends, watch a movie, play games, go bike ride, do something outside of EMS that you enjoy and do it on a regular basis. If I ever become so numb as to stop caring all the time, its time to get out of this business. I do this job because I honestly and truly care about the well being of fellow man, I joke about people being stupid and yell at them for cutting us off in traffic in an ambulance, but at the end of the day I still care.

Maybe it's just because I've been away from work for a little while and thus haven't had the opportunity to have a call get to me in quite a while that I've forgotten what it feels like but after the last couple of days there's this helplessness and this feeling I can't even put into words that I just can't shake.

We all got started in this business for one reason or another, but we all stay in it for as long as we do for the same one, to save those we can, help those in any way we can that we can't, and comfort the ones left behind when necessary.

I've always had a great deal of respect, and taken very seriously the aspect of our job where we offer comfort to those who are left behind. Honestly I think the comfort care part of our job, for those left behind, and for all of our patients in general is at least as important as the medical care aspect, but this week my heart just isn't in it. I've hit low patches before, had calls where I'm frustrated, or saddened by what has happened, or where I feel for my patient or their family but I've always been able to 'shake it off' so to speak and move on. The moving on isn't coming as easily this time and that scares me. I've seen this job ruin amazing providers and I don't want that to be me, not when I know how much more I still have to learn, not when I know that I still have more to give.

The other end of the spectrum can be uncomfortable too; when you take death with equanimity, other who are grieving will sometimes get hostile or think you don't care.

I hadn't considered that side of it, but when you mention it it makes perfect sense. I've definitely seen those providers who just don't care anymore and I've always promised myself that if I ever because one of those providers, at least knowingly, that I'd get out of the field, for the sake of my patients and their families. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Nothing wrong with sheddin a tear, don't let this stuff effect you. Always do your best, always be professional, and always treat the family with respect, and then move on.

It's the moving on part of that that I seem to be struggling with this time.

Why do what we do? Because someone has to, and most others can't.

Unfortunately this week I'm questioning whether I can anymore either...

Dude, I know how you feel. I'll admit that I see a shrink every week. It's one of the best things I can do. I go into our meetings with a week's full of insanity on my mind, I let it all out and I walk out feeling like a million bucks. Have you thought about it?

A couple months ago, when I came back to work after some time off to deal with a personal/family situation someone did mention the idea to me, but not for anything work related. I totally brushed it off, but perhaps it is worth considering... How does one go about doing something like this? As much as talking about things with people at work may help I've tried to bring up how down/frustrated I've been this week and I have even been on the verge of tears at work a couple of times, which anyone who knows me knows NEVER happens, and no one has expressed any interest in talking beyond, yeah, that sucks, and then the topic of the conversation changes. Aside from outright saying "HEY LOOK AT ME, I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS," which isn't something I'm comfortable doing, hence coming here, where does one go? And what does one say anyways?

If not us then who.

That's exactly it!

To the OP, don't bottle these things up! That never ends well. Talk to someone seek a CISD from your employer if it's an isolated incident. I'll say it again, don't bottle it up.

Like I asked above, when no one want to talk how do you go about saying, you need to? Where do you go to do that and what do you say? I think what's getting me this week is just that there were multiple lousy calls all within a short time span. That and that I know I'm bothered by the fact that I'm bothered when no one else is. Does that make any sense?

because chicks dig guys in uniforms

Hopefully the guys digs chicks in uniform too otherwise I'm out of luck there. lol. But thanks for making me smile at least.

 

[medichopeful]

Hopefully the guys digs chicks in uniform too otherwise I'm out of luck there. lol. But thanks for making me smile at least.

Oh they do!