MassEMT2012
Forum Ride Along
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Hey everyone, I am new to EMTLife and this is my first post/thread. Sorry to bring on such a serious and heavy topic, but its something really important to me, and should be to all of us.
Due to the sensitivity of this topic (as well as our mutual friend HIPAA), everyone should remain completely anonymous. NO NAMES of ANYTHING, including PEOPLE, PLACES, or DEPARTMENTS/AGENCIES that may give clues as to where people are located or have been employed. (I am from Massachusetts, which is currently in the grip of the worst opiate epidemic in the countries history, that is all the personal information I shall share.)
Long story short, I have about 2 years of EMT experience off and on. Nothing too serious, I have had one or two traumas involving CPR, lots of blood, and unfortunate death of patients, but besides that, I have worked for private EMS services that do the typical BLS transfers from dialysis, SNFs, hospitals, etc. and the occasional low priority calls for someones grandma whose O2 Sat is low.
I have suffered from mental illness my whole life. Depression, OCD, and some other acronyms out of the DSM that various psychiatrists have labeled me with. I have been hospitalized inpatient a number of times since I was 16 y/o, and have been in therapy and on some form or another of psych med since. Luckily it has been the better part of 5 years since I was last hospitalized, and I even managed to work as a psychiatric technician in a locked inpatient psych unit for about a year and half since that point. I got better enough through therapy and medication that I went from being the patient, to being the provider and helping those whose shoes I had been in not too long ago.
Now for the post itself, given that bit of history about myself. Like many people with mental illness, I found my way into the amazing-at-first, and then soul-crushing world of heroin abuse. It started about 3 years ago, when I was halfway through college (in fact around the time I was working as a psych tech). Like many others, its started from some percocet a buddy gave me after his leg surgery, and once those were up, I was right onto heroin. Using it nasally, luckily I have never been a big fan of needles (perhaps its a good thing EMT-Bs dont know how to start IVs). It got bad enough to where I was using everyday, constantly as long as I had money for it and my sinuses would still let air through. The thing I am most ashamed of in my entire life was the fact that I used on the job, both during my time working on the psych unit, as well as the few private EMS companies I have worked for over the past few years as well. It would take all of two seconds to slip into the bathroom after a BLS transfer, snort a line, and get back to work.
I lost a total of 2 or 3 EMS jobs because of my poor attendance. No doubt from sleeping through all my alarm clocks, and being constantly exhausted from my drug use. Now on my last EMS job to date, I finally got caught. My demons caught up with me. Several co-workers sent an email to the boss after realizing how much time I took in the bathroom, my constant need to have nasal spray and blow my nose, having sniffling constantly, general bad hygiene, not tucking my shirt in, being late, etc. All tell tale signs of a drug user who has burnt out from his drug use. My boss found out, called me into his office. At which point I experienced one of the kindest and considerate acts I have ever had. My boss made me admit to my problem with opiates, then told me to take a medical leave, get cleaned up, and come back when I was ready. I had to sign a legal contract and allow my substance abuse healthcare providers to communicate with him, as well as routine drug screens. Instead of reporting me to the state and having my license taken away (as well as possible jail time), my boss had mercy on me and gave me compassion which I admit I hardly deserved for what I had done, and the danger I had put my partners and my patients through.
Now ultimately I only lasted a few more weeks with the service, before I left voluntarily, telling my boss that I was not healthy enough yet and needed more time to fully recover, attend a real rehab facility, and devote my full time to my recovery. My boss understood, and wished me the best.
I will never forget the kindness and understanding that he showed me, even when I did not deserve it.
Since then I have been doing much better, I am on medications to help with the cravings, so I suppose I am not 100% "clean", and I still have a beer from time to time. But I am not nodding off all the time, and I am not putting anyone in danger. I have several months of clean time under my belt, and am preparing to head back to the job that I love so much, and the job that I am still able to work given the mercy of my previous boss, and the second chance at life that he gave me.
It is no secret that mental health issues and drug abuse are common in healthcare workers. About half the people in my rehab stay were healthcare workers, and not just CNAs....we had everyone from firefighters, police officers, EMTs, CNAs, RNs, all the way up to actual MDs.
I want to know what other people experiences are, either personally or through people they have known.
If you think that I am a no-good, scum bag, dope fiend that should just hang himself, I can hear that too. I have heard just about every bad thing from other healthcare workers, as well as the general population, and it seems to be about 50/50.
I hope someone can relate to this story and feel like they are not alone, that they are not the first, and not the last EMT or healthcare or emergency services person to go through this.
Due to the sensitivity of this topic (as well as our mutual friend HIPAA), everyone should remain completely anonymous. NO NAMES of ANYTHING, including PEOPLE, PLACES, or DEPARTMENTS/AGENCIES that may give clues as to where people are located or have been employed. (I am from Massachusetts, which is currently in the grip of the worst opiate epidemic in the countries history, that is all the personal information I shall share.)
Long story short, I have about 2 years of EMT experience off and on. Nothing too serious, I have had one or two traumas involving CPR, lots of blood, and unfortunate death of patients, but besides that, I have worked for private EMS services that do the typical BLS transfers from dialysis, SNFs, hospitals, etc. and the occasional low priority calls for someones grandma whose O2 Sat is low.
I have suffered from mental illness my whole life. Depression, OCD, and some other acronyms out of the DSM that various psychiatrists have labeled me with. I have been hospitalized inpatient a number of times since I was 16 y/o, and have been in therapy and on some form or another of psych med since. Luckily it has been the better part of 5 years since I was last hospitalized, and I even managed to work as a psychiatric technician in a locked inpatient psych unit for about a year and half since that point. I got better enough through therapy and medication that I went from being the patient, to being the provider and helping those whose shoes I had been in not too long ago.
Now for the post itself, given that bit of history about myself. Like many people with mental illness, I found my way into the amazing-at-first, and then soul-crushing world of heroin abuse. It started about 3 years ago, when I was halfway through college (in fact around the time I was working as a psych tech). Like many others, its started from some percocet a buddy gave me after his leg surgery, and once those were up, I was right onto heroin. Using it nasally, luckily I have never been a big fan of needles (perhaps its a good thing EMT-Bs dont know how to start IVs). It got bad enough to where I was using everyday, constantly as long as I had money for it and my sinuses would still let air through. The thing I am most ashamed of in my entire life was the fact that I used on the job, both during my time working on the psych unit, as well as the few private EMS companies I have worked for over the past few years as well. It would take all of two seconds to slip into the bathroom after a BLS transfer, snort a line, and get back to work.
I lost a total of 2 or 3 EMS jobs because of my poor attendance. No doubt from sleeping through all my alarm clocks, and being constantly exhausted from my drug use. Now on my last EMS job to date, I finally got caught. My demons caught up with me. Several co-workers sent an email to the boss after realizing how much time I took in the bathroom, my constant need to have nasal spray and blow my nose, having sniffling constantly, general bad hygiene, not tucking my shirt in, being late, etc. All tell tale signs of a drug user who has burnt out from his drug use. My boss found out, called me into his office. At which point I experienced one of the kindest and considerate acts I have ever had. My boss made me admit to my problem with opiates, then told me to take a medical leave, get cleaned up, and come back when I was ready. I had to sign a legal contract and allow my substance abuse healthcare providers to communicate with him, as well as routine drug screens. Instead of reporting me to the state and having my license taken away (as well as possible jail time), my boss had mercy on me and gave me compassion which I admit I hardly deserved for what I had done, and the danger I had put my partners and my patients through.
Now ultimately I only lasted a few more weeks with the service, before I left voluntarily, telling my boss that I was not healthy enough yet and needed more time to fully recover, attend a real rehab facility, and devote my full time to my recovery. My boss understood, and wished me the best.
I will never forget the kindness and understanding that he showed me, even when I did not deserve it.
Since then I have been doing much better, I am on medications to help with the cravings, so I suppose I am not 100% "clean", and I still have a beer from time to time. But I am not nodding off all the time, and I am not putting anyone in danger. I have several months of clean time under my belt, and am preparing to head back to the job that I love so much, and the job that I am still able to work given the mercy of my previous boss, and the second chance at life that he gave me.
It is no secret that mental health issues and drug abuse are common in healthcare workers. About half the people in my rehab stay were healthcare workers, and not just CNAs....we had everyone from firefighters, police officers, EMTs, CNAs, RNs, all the way up to actual MDs.
I want to know what other people experiences are, either personally or through people they have known.
If you think that I am a no-good, scum bag, dope fiend that should just hang himself, I can hear that too. I have heard just about every bad thing from other healthcare workers, as well as the general population, and it seems to be about 50/50.
I hope someone can relate to this story and feel like they are not alone, that they are not the first, and not the last EMT or healthcare or emergency services person to go through this.
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