Alright, since no one seems to be willing to actually debate me on this, I'll just do it myself!
[Fade to scene: A medium sized auditorium set up as a debate hall with stands for and audience.]
UR(M): Good Afternoon, and welcome to the 9th annual “Unkiereamus has been running calls instead of sleeping and might have finally slipped around the bend” debate, alternatively entitled “The is Unkiereamus a creepy, discomforting, perturbing, ethnocentric (American "traditionalist" male centric), egotistical troglodyte” debate. My name is Unkiereamus (Moderator), and I'll be moderating this debate. Without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to our guests, First up, representing Unkiereamus, we have Unkiereamus.
[Unkiereamus smiles and waves to moderate applause.]
UR(M): Next, representing Unkiereamus' imagination of the opposition, we have Unkiereamus (Opposition).
[Unkiereamus (Opposition) smiles and waves to thunderous applause, dislodged dust drifts down from the ceiling.]
UR(M): First, we have brief opening statements. First, Unkiereamus.
UR: Good afternoon, I'd like to thank everyone for coming out. I'm hoping in the course of this debate to adequately explain my position, and avoid any further misunderstandings. Again, Thank you.
[Lukewarm applause.]
UR(M): Thank you, next we'll hear from Unkiereamus (Opposition).
UR(O): Thank you for having me, and thank you for coming out. Its my goal in this debate to adequately represent my constituency, if I fail, I'm sure they'll let me know.
[Unkiereamus (Opposition) smiles warmly as the audience chuckles appreciatively.]
UR(M): Thank you. Moving right along, the first question goes to Unkiereamus (Opposition). What do you feel the role of clothing is, beyond protection and meeting minimum social modesty requirements?
UR(O): I'm glad you asked. As some of you may have noticed, I'm wearing a very well tailored suit today, and while it's not terribly comfortable, it makes me look gooooooooood. When I look good, I feel good, and I feel good about myself. It gives me more confidence. I wear this suit because I feel better about myself, and indeed the world, while I've got it on.
UR(M): Unkiereamus, any response?
UR: Yes, thank you. I in no way disagree with what Unkiereamus (Opposition) said. I just feel that he didn't take it far enough. In order to fully understand the position, we need to expand on what looking good means. It means that you're attractive, it means that you know that you're attractive, not only to yourself, but to the people around you. That attractiveness, and the knowledge of it, is where the ego boost comes from.
UR(M): Very well, the next question goes to Unkiereamus. You're on the record as saying, and I quote, "That being said, you can't tell me that a plunging neckline is designed to do anything but divert blood from my brain, or that a draping neckline isn't designed to distract me. Hell, even a sweetheart or surplice catches my eye more often than I'd like.". Doesn't that contradict what you just said, and imply that you feel dressing in a revealing manner is all about it's effect on men, and even imply that it's about you personally?
UR: First, I should say that I probably didn't express myself very clearly in that quote, as I was quite drunk when I said it.
[Audience murmurs.]
UR: That being said, what I was trying to express is that there are consequences that may be divorced from the motivation of any choice. Although dressing for attraction may be designed to elicit general attention and approval, as a member of the general populace, it will elicit a specific reaction in me. Trust me, I know women aren't trying to attract me in particular, but I'll take what I can get.
[Audience laughs.]
UR(M): Very well. Unkiereamus (Opposition), would you care to make a rebuttal?
UR(O): Well, leaving aside the dubious judgment displayed by my opponent by posting under the influence, I'm struck by something in what my opponent said. The way he speaks of "being distracted" by a woman's decolletage implies that he not only objectifies women, but further more blames them for "distracting him".
UR(M): I'll allow a rebuttal of the rebuttal if you'd like to make one, Unkiereamus.
UR: I believe I would, yes. First, as to the allegation of objectification, I'll say simply that it's patently false. There's no possible way you could have enough information to adequately judge how I treat women, however similarly, there's no way you'll take my word for it, so I see no point in further debate. Moving on to the matter of distraction, outside of instances of social warfare, I no more think it's the fault of a woman distracting me with her breasts than I do think it's the fault of a sunset being pretty that it caught my eye. Moreover, I don't generally find those distractions unwelcome, and as I've said before, in the instances where I would find the distraction unwelcome, I have developed mechanisms to avoid them.
UR(M): That's an interesting concept you brought up, "Social warfare.". I'm assuming that you're making a tongue in cheek reference to the exertion of influence over other people by means of interpersonal relationships?
[Unkiereamus nods.]
(ed note: Okay, that one was a little...a lot...contrived, but I'm tired and couldn't think of a better way to introduce it.)
UR(M): Unkiereamus (Opposition), any thoughts?
UR(O): As much as I'd love to tell you that it's a blatant falsehood, it certainly happens that women use physical attractiveness as a weapon in “Social warfare”. It's not common, it's even relatively rare, but it does happen. I would like to point out, however, that men do the same thing. The tactics may vary between the genders, but the strategy remains the same.
UR(M): Unkiereamus, your response?
UR: I really have nothing to add, I agree with Unkiereamus (Opposition), and you know how that makes me crazy.
UR(M): And that's all the time we have today, I'd like to thank the audience for their attention and our guest for their civil debate. Any last words?
UR(O): I'd just like to say that you're looking good, Unkiereamus.
UR: Thanks, it's the suit.
[Fade to black]
