Funny one liners you've said to overheard to a patient

serupert

Forum Ride Along
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ER admitting walks into patient's room who is complaining of an STD.

Admitting-So, is this workman's comp?

Patient- I certainly hope not.

Turns out she went into the wrong room.
 

BossyCow

Forum Deputy Chief
2,910
5
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ER admitting walks into patient's room who is complaining of an STD.

Admitting-So, is this workman's comp?

Patient- I certainly hope not.

Turns out she went into the wrong room.
And we have a winner!!!!
 

EvanAndChan

Forum Ride Along
5
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Well, there was a patient who was having trouble breathing, so we had him on a non-rebreather mask. During transport, we switched him to a different mask, and he was left holding the original mask in his hand. I offered to take the old mask from him, and because I was sitting behind him in the back of the truck, I said, "I'll take that mask. I'll take it from behind."

My flamboyantly gay male patient responded, "Well, then you and I have something in common."

I'm sure you could have seen me blushing from space.
 
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IrishEMT

Forum Probie
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Just now:

Me: So what'd you have for dinner tonight?
Pt: *vomits all over me* ... soup.
Me: I can see that.
 

Emtgirl21

Forum Lieutenant
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So I responded to the usually night club for yet another stabbing. I approach a young man with a bloody shirt and ask what seems to be the problem. He raises his arm to raise his shirt to reveal a stab wound to the right side of the abdomen. Things that should be on the inside are starting to come out. I put a trauma dressing on and couldnt help myself...

Me: Sir, I'm going to need you to not sneeze ok.

Pt: For how long?

Pt girlfriend: why not?

My supervisor just shook his head.
 

aussieemt1980

Forum Lieutenant
117
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I recently went on a clinical expedition for a couple of weeks in one of the local hospitals, and I was sent on an obs round, so I grabbed the gear and walked into a room with somewhat elderly patients. Walking into the room, I said "Friends, Patients, Countrymen! Lend me your ears." (I had the tympanic thermometer in my hand) when one of the ladies started laughing, and said "I did not know young people were cultured enough to know Shakespeare".

I replied: "Ma'am, Shakespeare was a little before my time, so if I do know him, the rumours of his death 400 years ago were false."

Said to a patient that had been discharged: "looks like you have been released early for good behaviour..."
Patient: "no, I am just escaping and with luck they wont catch me!"
 

mattulance

Forum Crew Member
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At a geri psyc facility,(high awol risk) dropping off, as we are leaving another pt asks (very politely),can you hold the door for me , I'm leaving too. After refusing: pt informs us we can %$#@ off.
 

firetender

Community Leader Emeritus
2,552
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A little off subject but the other day I got pulled over for driving with my headlights out (just pulled out of a parking lot). The cop comes to my window and says, "Did you realize you were driving without your lights on?" and I replied, "Yes, Sir...the second you popped me."

He let me go. I would have at least given me a sobriety check!
 

So. IL Medic

Forum Lieutenant
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When wheeling a working code into my not so favorite hospital I was asked if my Pt. has a name. My response was "I'm sure he does."
I was amused even if the nurse wasn't.
Yep. I annoy nurses when we roll into the ER and they ask, "what have you got there?"

Deadpan response: "A patient"
 

Airwaygoddess

Forum Deputy Chief
1,924
2
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Say What!!

WHAT!!!! No chocolate and Starbucks!! LOL :p Now that is a good one IL Medic!^_^
Yep. I annoy nurses when we roll into the ER and they ask, "what have you got there?"

Deadpan response: "A patient"
 

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
44
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How about a two-liner?

(New slow Dr to loquacious patient): "What is your family's medical history?".
(Me, eavesdropping and kibbitzing): "MY family's been prone to eventual death".
 

rjz

Forum Crew Member
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So we are at a bad grinder on the side of a rural road. The vehicle is over the side in the ditch. My medic partner yells down "what do you got down there?"

I yell back "dude I think this guys dead."
 

EMTDON970

Forum Crew Member
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Giving a reprt to a doctor on a fall patient...

"..Pt was walking down the street and "DFO'd".........

DFO-Done Fell out- Doctor understood me too!!!!! lol
 

Airwaygoddess

Forum Deputy Chief
1,924
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In a time zone somewhere.....

Alright here we go!

I am checking on my elderly patient's mental status after a fall...

Me: Mrs. Smith do you know what time of the day it is?
Patient: Is it 2:00 in the afternoon? (mind you we got called out at 0300)

Me: Well Mrs. Smith I'm sure it is 2:00 in the afternoon somewhere else in the world!

Oh Dear........:p
 

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
11,322
44
48
The historic groaner:

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?".
(Keep that up and they'll demote me back to Lt!).;)
 
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DenverEMT

Forum Probie
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Pt - "Well I don't want to go to the hospital"
Me- "Thats fine with me, sign here please......GOODBYE!"

Got a good laugh out of that one. It was about 3am so we were tired of running calls.............
 

Sasha

Forum Chief
7,667
11
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Pt - "Well I don't want to go to the hospital"
Me- "Thats fine with me, sign here please......GOODBYE!"

Got a good laugh out of that one. It was about 3am so we were tired of running calls.............
Sure hope the patient didnt have anything serious, because you know, even when you are tired of running calls you still have an obligation to give every patient your very best.
 

DenverEMT

Forum Probie
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Not serious at all. It was a "Good Samaritan Call" for a guy laying on the grass. He told us that he was laying down because he was tired of walking. The fire department asked "are you in any pain" which he said "yes, but only from walking a lot". This fire crew being who they are said "Maybe you should go to the hospital if you're in pain"......
"I don't want to go to the hospital"
"That's fine with me, sign here please......goodbye"


Sure hope the patient didnt have anything serious, because you know, even when you are tired of running calls you still have an obligation to give every patient your very best.
 

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