Funniest Story Your Instructor Ever Told You

LucidResq

Forum Deputy Chief
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epinephrine constricts the blood vessels. now doesent that meen (if you fill your thumb whith epinephrine.) cant it potentaly fall off.

Yes and that is why the other medics wanted him to go in, not because of the systemic effects. Not necessarily going to fall off but as mentioned epi is a good vasoconstrictor and could potentially lead to enough blood supply being cut from the thumb to cause permanent damage.
 

reaper

Working Bum
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In theory, yes. In reality, not likely.

I have ran on countless Pt's who's spouses or family members have stuck their thumbs, while trying to give an Epi pen. They bounce around, hearts racing for a while. A few had complications from cardiac problems. Have never seen one have any problem with vasoconstriction in the blood supply to thumb.
 

jjesusfreak01

Forum Deputy Chief
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If you are really worried, i'll bet leaches will do wonders...
 

Joe

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One of the best stories I have ever heard. My inst knew a flight medic who had a pt with hypoglycemia who had passed out during the flight to the er. Keep in mind this was about 10 years ago ( if I remember right) so this medic for some reason does not have what he needs to correct the problem, but he has a lunch. The next part involves a party sized snickers bar and the pt's butthole. PT RECOVERED and gained concioisness as they landed at er! Flight medic was terminated. By far the funniest story I have ever heard from my instructor
 

lampnyter

Forum Captain
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One of the best stories I have ever heard. My inst knew a flight medic who had a pt with hypoglycemia who had passed out during the flight to the er. Keep in mind this was about 10 years ago ( if I remember right) so this medic for some reason does not have what he needs to correct the problem, but he has a lunch. The next part involves a party sized snickers bar and the pt's butthole. PT RECOVERED and gained concioisness as they landed at er! Flight medic was terminated. By far the funniest story I have ever heard from my instructor

and how big was that lawsuit? lol. thats sick man.
 

Joe

Forum Captain
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and how big was that lawsuit? lol. thats sick man.

luckily it was before people sued for everything. and on the plus side, i guess it saved his life...
 

Joe

Forum Captain
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I don't know how, I guess it would have fixed it's self after long enough. If it were me I'd use that as justification hahaha
 

Captn' Tuddle

Forum Crew Member
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While we're on this topic:
My instructor is called to a residence where she finds a man laying face-down in the front yard, soaking wet, wearing nothing but his socks and the mop head sticking out of his rear. Upon closer examination of the pt she finds a bump by his shoulder which she determines is the handle of the mop. She never did find out how it got there...
 

EMTfromSanJac

Forum Probie
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He told us about a dude that tied fishing line around his you know what to try and keep it up, and well I am sure you can imagine the details of the story. He ended up losing his member.
 

lightsandsirens5

Forum Deputy Chief
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While we're on this topic:
My instructor is called to a residence where she finds a man laying face-down in the front yard, soaking wet, wearing nothing but his socks and the mop head sticking out of his rear. Upon closer examination of the pt she finds a bump by his shoulder which she determines is the handle of the mop. She never did find out how it got there...

That is not funny......I hope he was dead and not just lying there, skwered. Poor guy......
 

Sassafras

Forum Captain
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My instructor is dispatched for a "possible stabbing". They arrive on scene, she turns around to get the jump bag and hears "(Her name)". She's struggeling with the jump bag and yanking at it and her partner repeats "(her name) NOW!" turns around and sees a guy walking out of the building COVERED in blood. All over his chest, head, going down his pants. "POSSIBLE stabbing?" she asks and goes rushing over to start the assesment. There is blood everywhere and the story she tells leads us to believe liters of blood are missing from his body, but he's yelling "Muthuh F*$*uhs I'm gonna kill em! I'm gonna kill em. Get me stitches so I can get back here and beat the living S$*& out of them!" he's agitated obviously, they calm him down enough to look around and keep asking "where's he bleeding from?" blood congealing at this point and while telling us never to poke at blood to see how deep a wound is, procedes to start poking trying to find where this dude is bleeding from. "Sir what happened?"

"They tried to kill me with a hatchet!"
"A hatchet?"
"yES A hatchet!"

*send cop in after said hatchet.
*cop returns no hatchet
Turns out it was a chefs knif or meat cleaver, but kitchen knife none the less and not a hatchet.

Finally exasperated over not being able to find where all this blood is coming from she takes her hand and while telling us the tale says "NEVER do this by the way" and wipes all the jello blood off his chest...no wound ANYWHERE.

WTF they think.

Keep looking, back to the matted nasty bloody head and FINALLY they find it. A less than 2 inch lac. on his head pouring blood out faster than they can blink. Finally get the dude still enough to bandage and off to the hospital they go where he continued to swear he was getting a coupluh stitches and going back out there to kill the mo foes that tried to kill him with a hatchet.

They were kinda nervous about the next call they'd receive that night.
 
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One of my paramedic instructors was demonstrating with what he thought was a trainer. One of my fellow students said "if that's a trainer, why does it have an expiration date?" He shrugged the kid off and proceeded... nope... it was definitely real and he definitely had it backwards. Needle was bent at a 90 degree angle in his thumb. The other instructors tried to talk him in to going to the ER (out of concern for his thumb more than anything) but he refused. Can't say I blame him.

Almost all of the epi-pens I used in EMT were real but they were from a batch that was recalled years ago because the factory forgot to put needles in them.
 

MrBrown

Forum Deputy Chief
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I heard of one lady who used an adrenaline autoinjector on herself rather than the kid she meant it for because whe positioned it around the wrong way.

Apparently she ended up with a run or two of VT :D
 

esmcdowell

Forum Crew Member
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when my B instructor was a Fire recruit, his engine was enroute to an MVC and dispatch said someone was "ejaculated" from the vehicle, Engine Captain copied pt "ejaculated", captain got yelled at for it later though...
 

probiejoe

Forum Ride Along
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amputation

well my instructors were great, and every now and again they would bless us w/ a great story... one of those that had us hanging to every word... here is the best one. we live out in texas, so roughnecking is a big deal here (working on oil rigs)

these roughneckers were setting up for a new drill site, and one of the guys pushes a pipe through, and his arm gets caught up in it, and pulls that sucker right in. his coworker thinking on his feet, grabbed the guys arm, threw it in the cooler in the back of the company truck, and high tailed it to the emergency room. these guys were a few miles out of town, called the er en route, and they were supposed to meet up with a box, but took some odd route and made it to the er first. the coworker helps his buddy into the emergency room, leaving his truck parked across the street from the ambulance entrance. some 'hoodlums' were walking by the hospital, saw a company truck unattended, saw the cooler and thought to themselved 'alright, free beer' this is a big cooler, so each guy grabs one end of the cooler and walk down the street with it. as they're getting the guy in the er stable, they ask his friend 'where's his arm'? the guy runs out to his truck, then runs back in, and said that someone took the cooler... they called the pd, and the police caught up with the 'hoodlums' a few blocks away, they were taken into custody and charged with "armed robbery"
 

JJR512

Forum Deputy Chief
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As they say, you can't fix stupid.

And trying to fix it actually makes it worse. Natural selection will eventually fix the problem by itself, but trying to help stupid people just gives them more opportunity to spread stupidity into the world.
 

EMT204

Forum Ride Along
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ketchup bottle

well, we all remember the science lab where the hard boiled egg was put on an empty glass bottle of heinz ketchup right? well my instructor told my class a story about a gentleman and his lady friend getting a little adventerous lets just say... well they felt it would be pleasurable to light a match put it in the bottle and the gentleman put one of his testicles on top of the bottle and you can imagine what happened next, with a luagh our adventerous couple got a nice ride to the hospital...
 

sbemt4596

Forum Probie
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One of my Basic instructors told us a story from back in his early days of EMS some 20 years ago. They are dispatched to a shooting and his partner parked the rig right in front of the address (a run-down, drug infested motel), PD is on scene but the scene is not secure, and shots are still being fired. My instructor approaches one of the officers on scene, a friend, and asks where they patient(s) is? The officer, plastered against the wall and gun in hand, points around the corner to the top of the stairs where they can see one person. The officer tells my instructor to run up and get the patient and he would cover him, my instructor refused - silently questioning the officer's marksmanship skills. But after a half-hour on scene he relents, runs up grabs the patient and drags him down the stairs by his feet with the patient's head hitting EVERY step on the way down. Good thing the patient was already dead!
 
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