Dispatchers Say the Darndest Things...

Not from my area, but priceless anyway:

Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
Dispatch: 10-4, Medic M-2. Be advised your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: Say WHAT?!?!?
Dispatch: M-2, your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: The dead one?!?!
Dispatch: M-2, you're going to a nosebleeds patient.
M-2: Dispatch, we're going to 678 Adams Drive. Now, is the patient dead or bleeding from the nose?
Dispatch: He's got a nosebleed. It started approx. 5 minutes ago. He cannot get the bleeding stopped.
M-2: Umm...You alerted us for a Code Grey,
Dispatch: No, I alerted station T for a Code Grey
M-2: No, you didn't.
Dispatch: You've got to be kidding me.
M-2: Negative
Dispatch: I quit.

------------------
Dispatch: Station R, respond ambulance 617 Quincy Drive, for a patient vomiting
R-1: R-1 Responding
Unknown Unit: R-1, be advised that you will be unable to get down this driveway. You're going to need a brush truck to get your patient.
Dispatch: Station R, Brush Truck reponse needed for an ambulance call, 617 Quincy Drive
Brush-R: Brush R responding
Chief R [perfectally seriously]: Chief R to Brush-R, Brush-R, don't get the truck muddy. I just cleaned it.
Brush-R [self-rghteously]: Don't worry; I'll make sure it stays clean. God forbid the Brush truck should go on a dirt road. As a matter of fact, Chief, we'll cancel response and take your POV [personal vehicle]. Is that 10-4?
 
BLESS THEIR HEARTS!!^_^ so Sam how goes the new job? Stay safe and well!!^_^
 
FF/EMT Sam said:
Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
Dispatch: 10-4, Medic M-2. Be advised your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: Say WHAT?!?!?
Dispatch: M-2, your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: The dead one?!?!
Dispatch: M-2, you're going to a nosebleeds patient.
M-2: Dispatch, we're going to 678 Adams Drive. Now, is the patient dead or bleeding from the nose?
Dispatch: He's got a nosebleed. It started approx. 5 minutes ago. He cannot get the bleeding stopped.
M-2: Umm...You alerted us for a Code Grey,
Dispatch: No, I alerted station T for a Code Grey
M-2: No, you didn't.
Dispatch: You've got to be kidding me.
M-2: Negative
Dispatch: I quit.
Click to expand...
HAHA, that made my day!
 
FF/EMT Sam said:
Not from my area, but priceless anyway:

Dispatch: Station M, respond ambulance 678 Adams Drive for a Code Grey [deceased patient]
M-2: Medic M-2 Responding
Dispatch: 10-4, Medic M-2. Be advised your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: Say WHAT?!?!?
Dispatch: M-2, your patient will meet you at the curb.
M-2: The dead one?!?!
Dispatch: M-2, you're going to a nosebleeds patient.
M-2: Dispatch, we're going to 678 Adams Drive. Now, is the patient dead or bleeding from the nose?
Dispatch: He's got a nosebleed. It started approx. 5 minutes ago. He cannot get the bleeding stopped.
M-2: Umm...You alerted us for a Code Grey,
Dispatch: No, I alerted station T for a Code Grey
M-2: No, you didn't.
Dispatch: You've got to be kidding me.
M-2: Negative
Dispatch: I quit.

------------------
Dispatch: Station R, respond ambulance 617 Quincy Drive, for a patient vomiting
R-1: R-1 Responding
Unknown Unit: R-1, be advised that you will be unable to get down this driveway. You're going to need a brush truck to get your patient.
Dispatch: Station R, Brush Truck reponse needed for an ambulance call, 617 Quincy Drive
Brush-R: Brush R responding
Chief R [perfectally seriously]: Chief R to Brush-R, Brush-R, don't get the truck muddy. I just cleaned it.
Brush-R [self-rghteously]: Don't worry; I'll make sure it stays clean. God forbid the Brush truck should go on a dirt road. As a matter of fact, Chief, we'll cancel response and take your POV [personal vehicle]. Is that 10-4?
Click to expand...

OMGF! The chief had to be kidding,there is no way a brush truck is gonna stay clean if it has to go off-road.
 
My county is not as entertaining as your counties apparently. We did have a call in the county that stuck out... Unfortunately it was not a call that I was on.

Dispatch: Box #12-12 for injuries from an assault... Ambulance X responding.

Ambulance: Ambulance X will be staging at 123 Maple St. for police

Dispatch: Ambulance X, you will be responding to an adult male who was kicked in the shin. Police is on scene advising the scene is secure.

Ambulance: Um, Did you say "kicked in the shin?"

Dispatch: Ambulance X, that is affirmative, adult male kicked in the shin.

Ambulance: Ooooook....Ambulance X is direct.


I do not know how dispatch can keep a straight face when dispatching calls like this...
 
Zebras

I had just gone to bed when I heard this one on my scanner one night about midnight:
Dispatch to Medical Helicopter: "Your landing zone will be at 'Papa Hotel Zebra Zebra Alpha'." A second later dispatch came back on laughing and added: "Watch out for the zebras...they're hard to see at night!"
I swear, it's true!!! I almost fell of my bed when I heard it!
Unfortunately I couldn't hear the reply from the helicopter crew, but I'm sure it was priceless!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
keith10247 said:
I do not know how dispatch can keep a straight face when dispatching calls like this...
Click to expand...


we don't, we just wait till after we let go of the button to start laughin our arses off...
 
Me: Paramedics how may I help you?
Caller: I was just bitten by a poisonous squirrel!
Me: Ma'am, I think you'll be alright, I doubt it was the poisonous type of squirrel. Poisonous squirrels are not indigenous to this region.
 
Dispatch: 922.
Unit 922: Go ahead.
D: Priority 2, signal 17 in the city. Respond to Buckingham and Hudson for the assault.
922: Buckingham and Hudson for the assault. 10-4.

922: This is Hartford 922. Responding to Buckingham and Hudson for the assault.
HPD: Roger 922. Be advised, the scene is safe. Enter the Juvenile Rehab building on the 2nd floor.
922: Roger.

(U/A)

922: 922 arrival on scene.
D: Roger 922.
922: Uh, HPD said something about a building. Do you know what we're supposed to be looking for?
D: Oh, well, you know, look around for a guy on the ground, in the bushes, you know, places where a person usually wouldn't be.
922: ...wait...what happened to the building?
D: What building?
-------------------
936: 936 to dispatch, could you re-encode the page, it didn't quite come out right.
Dispatch: Was it in Egyptian? I guess I accidentally hit the Egyptian encode button.
936: Nah, it's more like a bunch of flashy boxes.
D: Flashy whats???
936: Boxes. Flashy boxes.
D: Ooops, must have hit that button instead. I'll send it over again.

936: 936 arrival. And hey, the fourth re-encode was actually legible!
 
Dispatch:
XXX Ambulance respond code three to 123 Main for a twenty year old female bleeding heavily.

A: 10-4, show us enroute

D: Ambulance XXX enroute 1908, caller states she has been stabbed in her crotch, she claims she cannot get the object out.... she is bleeding heavily.

A: Uh... 10-4...uh... dispatch, has PD been notified?

D: Negative, caller states the object is a sex toy.

A: Uh... 10-4 dispatch, thank you
 
Ok, I have it from the dispatcher side:

D (me): starlight, sitrep over.
Another cs (not the one I was looking for): it is really dark because it is cloudy and I cannot see the starlight, but the moon was pretty before...
Damn if I did not get out of my chair, get in my car and go out and slap this individual...

And another one I am responsible for:

"State Comms, this is 46, Sanity Check, over..."

About 30 minutes later, the comms super tapped on my window, because I sent it over the WHOLE communications network for the Melbourne metro area for the agency I was working with...
 
These are absolutely hilarious! I've literally LOL'd many times reading this thread.

(Un)fortunately, my county has a zero-tolerance policy for unnecessary radio traffic. The most exciting thing I've heard was a fire lieutenant request the ambulance pick up donuts on their way to a stand-by. My medic almost lost it!
 
I love being on nights for a reason :D (Other than the fact that I'm sitting here in the rig staged typing this)
My company gets away with lots of unnessesary radio trafffic at night, and some of it is damned funny listening to the ALS rig
 
its funny. I just wish you all could come and spend a day in dispatch with me. but since you cant picture this with me.........
Sitting in a room you have about 5 people with in 10 ft of you all dispatching and answering phones as well. then 20 ft away from you have fire and interfacitlity which is 5 people atleast respectively. so thats about 15 people plus you add another say 5 people just because. Add 5-6 radios playing all different radio stations and people talking. CAD and baker (computer aided dispatch and phone /radio systems) BEEPING in your ears. Ohhhhhh and you guys doing your jobs that means any where from 5-30 ambos responding to traffic. you combine that all together and what do you have???? chaos and at its best its only slightly organized. I laugh because its funny, because I understand some of it and partially because I know how they feel. But some of the stuff that is said I laugh because I don't know what else to do.

I understand your jobs are difficult you are out in the heat and the cold dealing with the blood and the guts the vomit and the poopie. all the other nasty crap. but I say to you please bare with your friendly neighborhood dispatcher because trust me we could make your lives hell. That and I know most of you would never want to do our jobs.
 
Actually I would LOVE the chance to work county dispatch, but I have never been able to talk and type at the same time.
Otherwise I'd either be running the dispatch center in a week or get fired for insubordination to my incompetent superiors
 
Dispatchers are evil, but the things they say are so funny.
 
jtpaintball70 said:
I love being on nights for a reason :D (Other than the fact that I'm sitting here in the rig staged typing this)
My company gets away with lots of unnessesary radio trafffic at night, and some of it is damned funny listening to the ALS rig
Click to expand...

You get to take a laptop on the rig? I was hoping to use mine to help me find places. I have streets and trips.
 
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