Dispatchers Say the Darndest Things...

FF/EMT Sam

FF/EMT Sam

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We all have great stories about our allies/enemies the dispatchers, who control the great god Motorola. Let's throw a few of them out to laugh at.

I'll start with a few goodies (some I'd already posted, and some new ones)

Dispatch: "Station X, respond ambulance to (address) for urinary problems
Ambulance: "Medic X-1, go ahead"
Dispatch: "Station X, respond ambulance to (address) for urinary problems
Ambulance: Dispatch, you're coming in with bad reception. Repeat your traffic.
Dispatch: "PATIENT WITH URINARY PROBLEMS!"
Ambulance: "Apologies, but repeat that one more time"
Dispatch: "HE CAN'T F:censored:ING PISS, YOU A:censored:HOLE!
<<Long pause>>
Ambulance: (slyly) "Repeat?"

Dispatch: Station Y, respond ambulance to 123 Main Street for general illness.
(seconds later)
Dispatch: Station Y, respond ambulance, second ambulance call, to 234 Main Street for injuries for a fall.
Ambulance: Medic Y-1 Responding
Dispatch: Medic Y-1, which call are you responding to?
Ambulance: (different voice) Medic Y-1 this is dispatch, responding to 123...correction...223 Main Street
Dispatch: Umm...Medic Y-1, you are Medic Y-1, we are dispatch, and nobody knows exactly where the hell you're responding to.

Dispatch: Station Z, respond ambulance to 123 Lincolnn Street for a patient with difficulty breathing.
Ambulance: Z-2 Responding.
Dispatch: 10-4, Z-2, be advised, you have a 76 year old female patient on 2 liters of H2O via nasal cannula.
Ambulance: Dispatch, do you mean that the patient is on 2 liters of O2?
Dispatch: Negative, H2O, of course. Why? What did I say?
Ambulance: Never mind.

Dispatch: Station A, respond ambulance to 345 Washington Street for injuries from a fall
Ambulance: A-1 responding
Dispatch, 10-4, A-1. Be advised this is going to be a priority one call, code blue.

(The following exchange took place 5 min. before a shift was scheduled to end. The ambulance was about to mark back in the station)
Dispatch: Dispatch to B-2
Ambulance: B-2, go ahead
Dispatch: I need you to respond to 678 Adams Avenue for chest pains
Ambulance: :censored: B-2 Responding.
Dispatch: Same to you.

Dispatch: Station C, respond to an accident with injury, 345 Coleman Blvd.
Ambulance: Medic C-2 Responding
Engine: Engine C-5 Responding
Dispatch: Dispatch to all units responding to the accident with injury, be advised that we gotten several calls about this accident, and there may be more than one wreck.
Ambulance: Medic C-2 to dispatch, go ahead and alert second due to assist us if there's more than one accident
Dispatch: 10-4, umm... Who's second due for this area?

Dispatch: EMS 1 [medical assist paramedic] respond to assist D-1 with an ambulance call.
<<<Two minutes later>>>
Dispatch: EMS 1 [medical assist paramedic] respond to assist D-1 with an ambulance call.
<<<Two minutes later>>>
Dispatch: (who just happens EMS 1's wife) JOHN GET YOUR LAZY BUTT OUT OF BED!!!!!
EMS 1: EMS 1 Responding
Dispatch: About time.
Unknown Unit: John ain't getting any tonight.
Dispatch: Friendly reminder to all units: please refrain from all unneccesary radio traffic


I know that there's more great tales out there. Throw 'em out for the rest of us to enjoy!
 
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Dispatch: 21 report to the parking lot on the corner of state and main, there is a report of a deer bucking cars.
21: Please repeat last transmission
Dispatch: State and main a deer is bucking cars
21: I am sorry please repeat that one more time
Dispatch: 21 on the corner of State and Main there is a deer bucking cars with his antlers
21: oh, baker. 10-4 deer bucking cars.
 
opps double post
 
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I unfortunately wasn't there for this one, but it's kinda funny anyways.

Dispatch: Rescue 1, respond to the Xth floor of Dorm X for a student who has been executed

(long pause)

Rescue 1: Rescue 1 responding to Dorm X for student who has been executed.

Dispatch: I MEANT ELECTROCUTED!!! :censored: :censored:
 
Dispatch (slightly garbled): Sierra 210, respond to 123 Eutawville St, Code 3, Signal 90 (unknown medical)
EMS: 10-4, Central Sierra 210 is 10-8, 10-17 123 Eutawville St, Code 3, Signal 90. Could we get a phonetic spelling of the street name?
Dispatch: 10-4, Eutawville, that is E-echo, U-europe...Uhhhhh
EMS: 10-4, we'll look it up ourselves, thanks

Same dispatcher, different day:

Dispatch: Sierra 232, respond to 10000 block Garner's Ferry Rd, Code 3, Signal 10-50I House versus Car.
EMS: 10-4, Central Sierra 232 is 10-8, 10-17 10000 block of Garner's Ferry Rd, Code 3, Signal 10-50I Car vs House
Dispatch: Negative, house versus car
EMS: 10-4 car versus house
Dispatch: I repeat house versus car
EMS: 10-4, copy the house hit the car?
Dispatch: Uhhhhhhhhhhh, disregard my last, copy you 10-8

Paramedic on light duty and punished by being sent to dispatch:

Dispatch: Sierra 215, respond to Gonorrhea Gardens Apt 36-B, Code 3, Signal 50 (vomiting)
EMS (laughing): 10-4, Central Sierra 215 is 10-8, 10-17 36-B Gonzalez Gardens, Code 3, Signal 50.
Dispatch (tried to play it off): 10-4 Sierra 215

You could hear the phone ringing in the background when he said this. We (street and dispatchers)knew it was the shift supervisor, we also knew we would be wearing black armbands the next shift due to a mysterious line of duty death at Central Dispatch.
 
Dispatch: "You're going to such and such address, for a man who fell off of a cabulance lift.... NOT one of ours!"
 
On Christmas Eve:

"Stations F, G, and H, respond ambulance, Stations I, J, medical assist, Station K, ladder response needed, injury to a reindeer in the vicinity of the roof of 123 Maple Ave. Be advised that a man in a red suit will flag you down when you get nearby."

For the rest of the evening, we got updates as to where the "man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer" was.

"Attention all interested personnel: The man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer has been seen at Station 24, 146 Clayton Street, 24-49's personal residence, and, for some strange reason, Chief 24's residence."

"Attention all interested personnel: The man in the red suit in a sleigh, pulled by what appears to be reindeer has been seen at 345 Main Street, and, of course, Deputy Chief 29's house."

Chief 29: Chief 29 to Dispatch
Dispatch: Go ahead, Chief 29
Chief 29: Let the dude in red know that he skipped my house
Dispatch: Stand by, I'll try to contact him.
(long pause)
Dispatch: Dispatch to Chief 29, be advised that the says there's a good reason for skipping you, but you don't want me to repeat it over the open airwaves.
Unknown Unit: Aww, go ahead dispatch. We can handle the truth.
Chief 29: Oh no you can't.

9-71: 9-71 to Dispatch
Dispatch: Go ahead 9-71
9-71: Dispatch an ambulance to my residence. Grandma just got run over my a reaindeer.
Dispatch: Tell Granny to suck it up and go beat up the reindeer.
 
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Funny stuff right there, you know what I mean.
 
After making fun of our dispatchers for a while, I just had to pass on this jewel from the radio...

(Keep in mind that this store is in the middle of a residential neighborhood where every yard is clealy visible, as the Medic d**n well knew...)

Dispatch: Station G, respond ambulance to the vicinity of the Eckerd Pharmacy for a person down.
G-1: Medic G-1 Responding. Can you call caller back and get a 911 address for this call?
Dispatch: Umm...G-1: It'll be in the vicinity of the Eckerd Pharmacy. Your patient will be in a yard.
G-1: 10-4, but I need a 911 address so I know which yard.
Dispatch (yelling): If there's a few folks passed out in every freakin' yard, we'll call the :censored: Center for Disease Control for you! Now go do your :censored: job!
 
I could never do their job!!! Bless their hearts!^_^
 
Airwaygoddess said:
Bless their hearts!^_^
Click to expand...

Been there, done that, and there's not enough money in the world to get me back in those chairs. Truly one of the most thankless jobs in the world, though I agree completely with the Goddess...
 
i could never understand one dispatcher here, it was a while ago. i found out that (years later) she took her teeth out at night....

dispatchers ought to have at least have teeth dammit!

~S~
 
Dispatch: Dive Rescue, Engine X, Ambulance 1 respond to MM 123 for bus in the river. Bus has many people on it and is sinking.
Engine X: X OK
Dive 2: Dive 2 OK
Ambulance 1: 1 OK
Dispatch: Responding units be advised this is not a bus in the river, but a car. It is sinking with people inside.
(units acknowledge)
Dispatch: Be advised that there is noone inside the vehicle and it is not sinking.
Dive 2: Dive 2 is responding nonemergent...
Dispatch: All units stand down. There is nothing in the river.
 
RPPD to the Ambulance Corps. this is your nightly test of the (In background: I TOLD YOU TO SIT DOWN AND STAY THERE!!!) paging system, time now is 1800.

I think it should be general practice that the prisoners are behaving themselves before you put out a pager test lol.
 
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D (female): 9xx, have you left XYZ Hospital yet?
9xx (female): We're taking Medic 1 back to his truck.
D: 10-4. But have you left the hospital yet?
9xx: (annoyed) Yes, I just said we were taking Medic 1 back to his truck.
D: (annoyed) I know you did, but I didn't know if you had left the hospital or not.
Other Crew: *cats growling and hissing*
 
Dispatch: Amherst EMS, respond to (pause) -muffled- quick, what's the address? -pause- 123 main street for patient with chest pain.


I was on for ths one - my partner and I had a :censored::censored::censored::censored: fit laughing at dispatch.
 
I was working rescue with a Volunteer fire dept one night when we got called to assist a unit on the other side of town. Upon arrival we see two small framed female medics with one VERY large patient approx. 600lbs. We had the old style stretcher you know the one...( lower to the ground then pick up and load in the rig.) Yeah.... :glare: The crew called to assist also had to call for assist all the while standing on the street curb with the patient on the stretcher. I have no idea how the original crew got the patient that far but that is where we found them at the back of the rig on the curbside. Only way it could have been any worse I guess would have been if it were raining.

Three crews tied up:rolleyes:
 
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