One of my favorites just happened last month, on New Years Eve.
It was about 0200 on Jan. 1, and we got called to a halfway house for abdominal pain and discomfort. We show up and ask what the problem is, and he says that he started feeling sick, sweaty, and having diarrhea around midnight, and by 2am he started vomiting and having pretty bad pain.
So, of course we ask all the usual questions, and he had no history of ANYTHING, much less stomach pain or sickness. So eventually we needed to ask "What time did you last eat?" He tells us about 8 or 9, he had some chicken wings that tasted funny. So we ask him where he got them, and he replied "From a gas station, the 7-11 I think."
Well, now we're getting somewhere! Looking like a case of food poisoning, and that should teach him to never undercooked chicken from 7-11 again. Then, he drops this one on us. I'll try to censor myself, but get the point across.
"Hey, guys, I was having sex with my girl last night, and we did a lot of oral sex. I mean I ate a lot of p***y."
I look at my partner, who is behind the patient, and he is laughing silently but uncontrollably. I'm trying to keep a straight face, but a kind of stupid grin spread over my face.
"Look, I know it sounds stupid, but I'm tellin' ya I ate her **** and **** her **** for hours, man! Is it possible I got sick from that? Like, did I swallow too much? Or something..."
At this point, I had to stop him for fear I would crack and just start laughing. "Well, sir," I said, "while anything is possible, I think we'll stick with the food poisoning from gas station chicken theory for now. But make sure to tell the ER nurses about that in detail, as I am sure they can make better sense of that. Make sure they know all of it, any little thing could be important."
Next patient we brought in, the ER nurse came up and asked who the smartass was that told the guy to tell them his theory. I raised my hand, took my well deserved punch in the arm, and laughed all the way back to rig.
Personally, I would have thought the guy was just trying to brag if it wasn't for the very serious look on his face. That, or maybe his girlfriend was just that... Let's say "unhygienic."