what is the funniest thing a patient has ever said or done to u?

Had one bloke decline transport

Next night he comes to our attention again asking "hey I only didn't go so I could see if I could bang this chick at the bar, it didn't work, so can you take me now?"
 
An attending ER physician taught me a great question to ask kids to determine if they are processing information appropriately. If the parents were in the room, she always asked the patient who was in the room with him/her and the child would say, “Mom and dad.” Then she would ask, “How do you know?” and the kid would freeze deep in thought. So, I use this from time to time with patients. Well, I got a great answer from a 7 year old! He said, without a moment of hesitation, “Because I saw the tape!!!” The parents agreed that he had indeed seen the tape. Needless to say, I was the one who was frozen in thought/terror.
 
Had a drunk at 2 in the morning stating he was diabetic and off his meds. So when we show up ALS and police are already there. He was making a scene with the police so I walked him into the ambulance with the ALS techs and I. The cops were in no mood to do MHA paperwork, and he had no need to go to the hospital other than he was drunk, so after much questioning he still didnt state he wanted to go to the hospital. Everyone else took turns trying to get him to say the magic words.
Then it was my turn. I looked at him and said "Ok, Why are we here? Why did you dial 911, and why are you in the back of this ambulance." to which he responded, and I swear to god, "I either wanted a cheeseburger, or I wanted to die."

It took me a second but I kept a strait face and said "Sorry sir, we dont have any cheeseburgers in the ambulance, and I'm not allowed to kill you. Which hospital do you want to go to?" "General" "Ok, lets go"

The cops and ALS techs were glad I could take him off their hands.

Thought I would start my time at EMTLIFE with a funny story. Hope you liked it.
 
Patient with severe head trauma

Alright, so the patient fell at her friend's house 3 weeks before we were called. For three weeks she dealt with bleeding from her ears, occasional vomiting, and oversleeping. How so? She was an alcoholic who just quit her job because she didn't want to move. The kicker is, her mother called 911 and the patient refused to go to the hospital. She told us she was drinking and pupils confirmed that. So we knew we had to transport her under implied consent. The cops talked to her for about 10 minutes trying to convince her to go without a fight. Her reasoning for not going was she didn't have a job and didn't have health insurance.

I don't know how far she fell, but that sounds like a serious head injury to me.
 
Had a drunk, when given the choice of going to jail or to the hospital with us; look at my partner and state "He has driven me to the hospital before, I want to go to jail instead". ROFLMAO never let my partner forget that one.
 
Dr.NREMT-B said:
An attending ER physician taught me a great question to ask kids to determine if they are processing information appropriately. If the parents were in the room, she always asked the patient who was in the room with him/her and the child would say, “Mom and dad.” Then she would ask, “How do you know?” and the kid would freeze deep in thought. So, I use this from time to time with patients. Well, I got a great answer from a 7 year old! He said, without a moment of hesitation, “Because I saw the tape!!!” The parents agreed that he had indeed seen the tape. Needless to say, I was the one who was frozen in thought/terror.
Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

johnrsemt said:
Had a drunk, when given the choice of going to jail or to the hospital with us; look at my partner and state "He has driven me to the hospital before, I want to go to jail instead". ROFLMAO never let my partner forget that one.
Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
Two stand out:

1) From the Consulting physician at a major ED to a junior doctor: " I dont care how fat a patient is, when doing a lumbar puncture, you cant tell them "This wouldnt be so hard if you werent so fat." And you definitely cant tell them that twice in the one session."

2) A female patient when asked if she might be pregnant: "Ummm, I dont think so."
Paramedic: "Well, have you had sex in the last six months?"
Patient: "not to my knowledge."
 
selfish

-On a scale of 1 - 10 with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest describe the pain.

~IT'S A 10!

-You ever had a baby before?

~YES! oh its a 2...

(it was a sprained figure....)
 
nelschang said:
-On a scale of 1 - 10 with 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest describe the pain.

~IT'S A 10!

-You ever had a baby before?

~YES! oh its a 2...

(it was a sprained figure....)
Click to expand...

I always love asking women with kids that.....


My favorite thusfar was the old man I brought in for one small reason or another. Standing in the ED with the RN doing my report, she's looking up his history in the system and says,

"I see you got shot?"
He nods, "Oh yeah, long time ago."
"Where at?"
"My stomach." (he proceeds to show us an impressive scar on his abdomen)
"Wow," she says, "What did you do to get that?" (likely thinking he's a WW2 vet)
He shrugs, "Oh, it's just one of those things that happen when you live in New York."

(I fell out of the room laughing.)
 
When I was doing wheel chair transport van; I went to the VA hospital to pick up patient; was told at clinic that patient was out on the curb. went out to the curb, and asked for Mr SO SO. He raised his hand, I loaded him up, secured him; and off we went.
When we got to the ECF, he stated "I don't live here" when I questioned him I found out that it wasn't the correct person; he just thought my van looked better than the one that took him to the VA. checked he lived on my wayback to VA; took him home, I did new paperwork. Called it in, and went and got the right person. He had been in smoking station so he didn't hear me ask for him.
 
Man Complaining of severe headache

Me: On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst pain you've ever had how bad is the pain?

Pt: 11!!!

After "0.9% Sodium Chloride solution"

Me: How's your pain now?

Pt: Omg you're amazing its barely 3!
 
Hunter said:
Man Complaining of severe headache

Me: On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst pain you've ever had how bad is the pain?

Pt: 11!!!

After "0.9% Sodium Chloride solution"

Me: How's your pain now?

Pt: Omg you're amazing its barely 3!
Click to expand...


Those Nor Malsaline flushes are the best drug ever invented. I've used them quite a few times with great results.

We had a 72yo guy tonight, AMS, fell while walking home from his car that ran out of gas, he actually made it over 2 miles when he fell. Multiple skin tears and abrasions. My partner asked him if he got knocked unconscious when he fell. His comeback, "I'm not consciously aware of being unconscious".
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
I work at a strip club and one of my dancers is a bit of a drug chaser (suprize I know) but I told her that I liked to give pats. like he some Hydroginized Sodium Chloride. her response was "OMG That stuff is AWESOME".....Yep gotta love that salt water lol
 
While transporting a BiLat Leg Amputee on an IFT call the patient kept yelling at me to "go get her shoes". She had both legs amputated four years prior to pick-up.
When I asked how she got to the hospital we were transporting her from, she said she walked the 5 miles from her conv home to the hospital.
 
Dementia

A few funny memories:
1- Elderly dementia patient being returned to a care facility who kept pulling the sheet up over her head to "hide from you, because you are kidnapping me and this way you can't find me".
2- Asking the patient all his complaints and of course he has every one I mention including a "sever case of halitosis and my teeth hurt when I pee".
 
Transporting a 40-something year old mentally retarded individual from a care facility to a hospital for mental status changes. After a full 20 minutes or so of her providing little to no information, she suddenly lifts up her head, looks at the paramedic, and loudly proclaimed, "Your cute!" Hardly anything out of her for the remainder of the trip, except how cute he was on a couple of occasions.
 
On a ride along i had a 80 some patient with full on white hair more hair then me :wacko: he wanted to hold my hand and pretend we were on a date cause its been over 40 years since he held a women's hand... so we held hands he was the sweeties man ever... :)


Another lady told my EMT i was riding with that his face looked like her throw up that morning... good thing the ride was only down the street and she didnt have a chance to pick on me :)
 
Transported an elderly lady in her nineties with dementia to ED. Her daughter was complaining about her moms boyfriend in the nursing home, apparently a bit of a controller. Triage nurse, without looking at the pt, asked if the pt was pregnant when I said abdominal pain. We all giggled, the pt said "what's so funny?" When I told her, she replied "not through lack of trying."
 
Me getting a history from a patient with a history of manic depression:Ma'am are you allergic to any medication? Her: Yeah.....sulfa drugs......oh and psych meds! Me:Interesting......
 
We gave some poor unfortunate bloke with nasty first and second degree burns to his face from drinking flaming shots at his batchelor party some ketamine.

Minute later, asked what his name was ... he slurred out "BANANA!"

SO, ketamine is now affectionately called banana juice :D
 
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