I do miss working on a truck for the holidays. I think after I get the vax and things calm down a bit I’ll go back and find a perdiem street medic shift. There’s a hospital based service here that runs fly cars and I can pick up shifts there.
But no. No 2020 Turkey bowl Diary. It would be pretty boring.
Made sweet potato casserole and Strawbertrees (strawberries dipped in green candy, red icing like tinsel, top painted gold like a star, pretzel sticks in the bottom like a tree trunk).
Made two casseroles, one for David to take to his family.
Last night had a text argument with my drunk mom about how she keeps saying I pay more attention to my dad and he doesn't even like me, he says I'm a lost cause, she says he's tired of me and given up on me and such. She always tries to divide people when she gets drunk and goes looking to fight. I knew she was drunk but she lied like always, claiming she hadn't had a drink in weeks. Dad got home from being out; said she was utterly sloshed. She had also been angry that I wasn't more like her, but ignored the fact she refused to pay me any attention as a child. I'm glad we don't even live inn the same city anymore.
She just went on and on about how things were my fault and good daughters forgive and make up, how most children don't favor one parent over the other, but then compared me to my siblings. Went on how it was my fault.
This is the woman that blamed me when I was like 12 for her alcoholism. She almost got us into a head on collision when she had been driving drink. My dad had to wrench the wheel to save us. She'd beat me for getting bullied by my siblings. Spend all day sleeping. Months off undone laundry. No cooking or cleaning. Just fast food and frozen meals. She just went on about how bad I was being.
Just got to cry alone in my apartment over it.
I ended up blocking her. I'm tired of being treated like a whipping boy for her guilt and continued bad behavior.
I thought about not going to the nearby family get together about 10 minutes from me. Didn't want to deal with her.
When I get there, my little brother (16 and outweighs me by like 40 lbs and is unnecessarily aggressive) attacks me and throws me down to the ground for no reason, in front of everyone.
David is working today. But we had a nice dinner last night. 48 hour marinade chuck eye, baked potatoes and pan seared veggies. Hope he enjoys the catering they get.
Not long into the meal at my uncle was asking me about my boyfriend. I showed them pictures of us. Showed them some of the meals I've made for us, a craft trinket I made him. My mom thought she was talking in a low voice, but she's so loud. She rolled her eyes and said that's only until we break up and started saying stuff in Spanish about us to the family.
I told her to say it to my face and say it again. She suddenly acted like "I was just saying" and such. She wouldn't say it again but didn't apologize. She's a coward.
I get tired of it. I really do. It's mentally and physically exhausting.
I just left and I think I'm going to sleep and do chores at home or something.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Hope y'all's day fares better than mine.