Scary Firsts

[40sCutest]

I had my first crazy calls last night. Looking back I know that they were no big deal. I had a PT with AIDS and an amputated finger... I was nervous but I learned so much. I'm young and knew to the field so my co workers thought it was hilarious that I got uneasy. Thwy've been laughing since it happened. Has anybody else had anything to make me feel less stupid?

 

[coloradoemt]

I guess I do not understand why you felt stupid... Mind elaborating?

 

[emtchic83]

Speaking of firsts....

I had my first suicide by gun the other night...

It was the most gruesome thing I have ever seen in my life... I couldn't eat after it, and forget sleeping...

Is this a normal feeling? Or am I just a baby?

 

[Luno]

Oh, I'm going to refrain from lasagna/spaghetti jokes, but yes, this is normal for your first time. As you see more, and get more desensitized, you'll be able to go code w. vomit/lunch/code w. vomit, but yet, entirely normal for you at this time. Enjoy the time when things still affect you.

 

[tricam]

Working in the ER here EVERYTHING is new and a first. Is being "desensitized" a good thing? Part of me believes that it allows you to focus on your work better, but the other side believes that you loose something in the process; maybe the part of you that empathizes with the Pt. Not sure. Thoughts?

 

[Wingnut]

I actually hope I do get a bit desensatized. I had my first code on my last ride along for EMT class. They said I did a great job and while I was helping them work it, I was focused on what I was doing and no problems, but once we got to the ER and I was ventilating while waiting for the Resp. therapist to come down (of course they couldn't find him, so I was there a while) That's when my heart started pumping, sweating, etc. He came so I talked to the medic I was with to get his opinion & ask a few questions....and I was fine until I went out to have a smoke and relax, and boy was I mess for about an hour. (shakes, stomach pain, fun stuff)

And fortunately the vomit doesn't bother me, I've got 2 little kids, they throw up on me all the time.

I like to think there's always a part of you that won't become SO desensatized that you lose all compassion for the pt.

 

[coloradoemt]

I can relate to the suicide by gun story. One of my best friends wife took her life like that. His 11 yr old son found her when he came home from school. Dispatch sent the call out as a cardiac. We went in ready for battle to find the son on his knees just looking at her in a daze.

 

[Wingnut]

I can't imagine how difficult that must have been, I hoped everything turned out ok (as best as it could have at least).

 

[40sCutest]

I felt like an idiot for getting so nervous. I'm the newest and youngest EMT that anyone at my company has ever worked with... I guess I have a lot more firsts to come

 

[coloradoemt]

Originally posted by 40sCutest@Jan 16 2005, 08:13 PM
I felt like an idiot for getting so nervous. I'm the newest and youngest EMT that anyone at my company has ever worked with... I guess I have a lot more firsts to come

There is a guarantee in that statement for sure!!

 

[Wingnut]

40's You're not alone, I'm young (shhh according to most people) AND I'm new to emergency medicine.

There's a lot of firsts to come, and don't feel like an idiot, you're going to react in some way or another, just take it in stride an remember it for your second round.

 

[rescuecpt]

I don't think desensitized necessarily means you don't have compassion for your patients - it just means that bad situations don't hit you as hard - it's difficult to explain.

The first patient I lost was a neighbor of mine. He was a little old man. Had a nasty upper GI bleed, was probably pretty dead when I got there, but he was warm and his wife kept asking me if he'd be ok - so we worked him. I went home and cried on the phone to my boyfriend (a cop/EMT) for an hour, then spent the rest of the day in a daze, crying on and off. I think it was worse because he was my neighbor. I didn't sleep that night.

Since then I have lost more patients, and it always makes me sad, but it's not as hard to take as that first patient. Sometimes I get a little weepy later (if it was a younger person or a parent of small kids or something like that). I've actually been doing that a lot lately but it's due to PTSD (2001/2002 was a nightmare for me). But I've learned what it takes for me to get through it (usually shopping or a bubble bath) and I always look at each experience as a learning experience.

There was one call last spring that really shook me, but again it was a neighbor... he died due to a hit-and-run caused by another person we know. It took me a good week or so to start getting over that.

Anyways... I don't know what I did in this post besides ramble, but maybe reading about some of my experiences will help you a little bit.

 

[MedicPrincess]

Originally posted by 40sCutest@Jan 16 2005, 09:13 PM
I felt like an idiot for getting so nervous.

I know for most - well all - of my firsts (first major trauma, first death, ect.) I always felt like I was in this surreal enviroment and everything always seems to move so slow. You know like in the movies...slow talking, slow movements...like the whole world is put on frame by frame.

Luckily the crew I was on would train for different scenerios all the time. We would be driving in the Engine and our Capt. would pull over and say, okay we just arrived on scene, You (pointing at whoever he had already prepped) go be the patient, the rest of you heres your dispatch info. It really helped me to be able to fall back on training for all the firsts.

My first dead guy though...Whew. I thought I was alright, up until as the other FF and I who rode with the med unit were walking out of the hospital, they guys wife stepped out of the "quiet room" and hugged me. She said "Thank you. He must be ok if your leaving, right?" Thank God for my partner, who always knew what to say in every circumstance that could be tossed at us.

Now, when I come up on things, I just make a conscious effort not to let my face show what my mind is thinking.

 

[Jon]

Originally posted by emtchic83@Jan 16 2005, 01:56 AM
Speaking of firsts....

I had my first suicide by gun the other night...

It was the most gruesome thing I have ever seen in my life... I couldn't eat after it, and forget sleeping...

Is this a normal feeling? Or am I just a baby?

Normal... My first "bad trauma" was a kid who was skateboarding home from the school at 1830...drunk guy hit him with a f350 stakebody pickup truck, that was "his wife's" and needed new brakes....I got pushed out of the way after a while because aeromedical, ALS and the other 2 EMTs on the rig were all in the back of the bus...Kid's skull was cracked and he left gray matter on the pavement....we actually thought he had a decent chance, and he was talking to us initially onscene.

The kid flew 60 feet after getting hit by the truck's plow mount...he left what looked like gray matter on the plow mount, and I saw the PD's pictures last year and everything came back to me.

Actually, we thought the kid had an OK chance, as we did EVERYTHING right, and he was in the OR within about an hour, but he died at 2am the next day....It really hit me the next day in school (I was 16) when the pricipal announced it..sort of a delayed reaction.

I was away from the company for about a week, and then started hanging out again, knowing that this was what I wanted to do

Then 2 weeks after the accident, one of the fire Co's Junior Explorers, who I was close to, took her own life because she was so emotionally messed up between 9/11 and molestation by another co member...that Sunday, we were all at the High school's football game, and ANOTHER kid from the school died suddenly in the shower at home....

So I understand how you feel.

yes, it is normal. you will eventually get over it, but simple things will bring it all back for a moment.

We are all here to help

Jon

 

[rescuecpt]

Originally posted by MedicStudentJon@Jan 17 2005, 03:24 PM
Normal... My first "bad trauma" was a kid who was skateboarding home from the school at 1830...drunk guy hit him with a f350 stakebody pickup truck, that was "his wife's" and needed new brakes....I got pushed out of the way after a while because aeromedical, ALS and the other 2 EMTs on the rig were all in the back of the bus...Kid's skull was cracked and he left gray matter on the pavement....we actually thought he had a decent chance, and he was talking to us initially onscene.

The kid flew 60 feet after getting hit by the truck's plow mount...he left what looked like gray matter on the plow mount, and I saw the PD's pictures last year and everything came back to me.

Actually, we thought the kid had an OK chance, as we did EVERYTHING right, and he was in the OR within about an hour, but he died at 2am the next day....It really hit me the next day in school (I was 16) when the pricipal announced it..sort of a delayed reaction.

I was away from the company for about a week, and then started hanging out again, knowing that this was what I wanted to do

Then 2 weeks after the accident, one of the fire Co's Junior Explorers, who I was close to, took her own life because she was so emotionally messed up between 9/11 and molestation by another co member...that Sunday, we were all at the High school's football game, and ANOTHER kid from the school died suddenly in the shower at home....

So I understand how you feel.

yes, it is normal. you will eventually get over it, but simple things will bring it all back for a moment.

We are all here to help

Jon

My G*d, where did you go? Death Central High?

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, it's tough at any age but especially when you're a teenager.

I take back my comment about medic students on the other thread.

 

[PArescueEMT]

Alright. I guess it's my turn.

Adult codes: too many to want to count. 11
Pediatric: Way too many to want to count. 2
Adult saves: Not enough to forget the No. 8
Pediatric saves: I wish it was more. 1

My first adult code was while I was in EMT school: an elderly woman in a nursing home. I had no issues with that.
My first Pediatric code was toned out at about 02.30. 18 month old unresponsive. (side bar: I hate kids. Want them, but hate them as patients.) Arrived to find mom in hysterics. She literally threw the baby at me. I caught him saw the eerie bluish color on his face, checked brachial(sp?) and started coding him. What seemed like 2 days later (3-4 hours) the kid was called in my arms. I love the staff at the hosp. they knew that if the kid didn't make it and I had left, I would be blaming myself and had me hold the kid the whole time. After the call, I went outside to smoke, lit up, took a drag, and started to cry. every time the medics I was running with showed up, they would take the Pt. in, and check on me. @ times, they brought me a new pack of smokes. The next day, I thought I was fine and went in to the 3rd paty co. that I worked for. As soon as I walked inside, I broke down again.Collapsed on the floor in tears. My partner ran upstairs and got the MGR (a medic) and brought him down. They took me up stairs, and asked me "what happened at the squad last night?" I told them, and was told to take my time getting back into the routine. Everyday for 3 months, The MGR would meet me at the door and block my view from the busses. I went back to the squad every week to keep my status and was getting help from my friends there. So 3 months after that event, I went in to the squad, and they needed an EMT to put a bus on status. I said that I would do it, was asked if i thought I could to which I replied "i have to get back sometime, and avoidance isn't going to solve things." First call of the night "Pediatric Unresponsive" different house, same situation. 4 hours later, Kid survived. I was part of the save on that one. I went out for the smoke. The crew showed up with a pack of smokes. I said "Thanks, but what took you so long?" That's when I got all of the congratulations in the world.


I am still in, and I still hate kids.

P.S.: Erika, you are not alone in rambling.

 

[MMiz]

PArescueEMT,

I kid you not, I got chills down my spine as I read your story.

That's something I would see in a book or magazine. Amazing.

One day I'll have stories like you. One day.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[PArescueEMT]

Still haunts me from time to time. I now use it as a teaching tool when I am training rookies where I am at.

 

[Jon]

Originally posted by rescuecpt+Jan 17 2005, 06:05 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (rescuecpt @ Jan 17 2005, 06:05 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-MedicStudentJon@Jan 17 2005, 03:24 PM
Normal... My first "bad trauma" was a kid who was skateboarding home
<SNIP>

We are all here to help

Jon

My G*d, where did you go? Death Central High?

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, it's tough at any age but especially when you're a teenager.

I take back my comment about medic students on the other thread. [/b][/quote]
Yeah - rough 2 months. Started with 9/11 and ended start of november.

As I said, it made me think about what we see early on, and I know this is what I want to do for life :unsure: (Don't know if that is good or not, but what the heck... h34r: :lol:

Jon

 

[ksEMTbabe]

Originally posted by 40sCutest@Jan 16 2005, 09:13 PM
I felt like an idiot for getting so nervous. I'm the newest and youngest EMT that anyone at my company has ever worked with... I guess I have a lot more firsts to come

I can relate 40's - I just turned 20 and I'm the only female in my whole department, so sometimes it feels like there's some extra pressure to perform well under pressure, but I think you'll find, as I have, that most everyone will do their best to help you adjust... The best advice I have for you as another newbie is to remember that at one time, every one of your colleagues were brand-new on the job too, so they (hopefully!) remember what they felt like during that adjustment period.