WannaBeFlight
Forum Lieutenant
- 190
- 0
- 0
Found this on Murphys-law.com, thought ya'll might enjoy. 
Murphy's laws site
All the laws of Murphy in one place Enter your search terms Submit search form Web This Site Murphy's Origin Murphy's Laws Love Laws Tech Laws Computer Laws Commerce Laws Real Estate Laws Teaching Laws War Laws Cop Laws MP Laws Sewing Laws Fire Brigade Laws Photography Laws Nurses Laws Bus Law Lotto Laws CAS Laws Cars Laws Toddlers Laws EMT Laws Graphic Design Laws Mothers Laws Scouts Laws Political Laws Golf Laws Employees Laws Office Laws Music Laws Horse Laws Martial Arts Laws Miscellaneous Laws Real Life Example Book Store Poster Shop About Us Links Murphy's EMT laws
Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance.
The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
All bleeding stops... eventually.
You can't cure stupid.
If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
"Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
A good tape job will fix almost anything.
Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.
Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go".
The Paramedical Laws of Time:
There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift. Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59. (Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)
The Paramedical Law of Gravity:
Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.
The Paramedical Law of Time And Distance:
The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.
Corollary 1:
The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.
The Paramedical Rule of Random Synchronicity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.
The Rule of Respiratory Arrest: All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.
The Basic Principle For Dispatchers:
Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Basic Principle For Field Personnell:
Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:
If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking:
somebody is still missing.
The Law of Options:
Any patient, when given the option of either going to Jail or going to the Hospital by a Police Officer, will always be inside the Ambulance before you are.
Corollary 1:
Any patient who chooses to go to Jail instead of the Hospital has probably been in my rig in the past.
The First Rule of Equipment: Any piece of Life-saving Equipment will never malfunction or fail until:
a)You need it to save a life,
or
b)The salesman leaves.
The Second Rule of Equipment:
Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will, and self-starters won't.
The First Law of Ambulance Operation:
No matter how fast you drive the Ambulance when responding to a call, it will never be fast enough, until you pass a Police Cruiser, at which point it will be entirely too fast. Unless you are responding to an "Officer Down" call then it is physically impossible to be travelling fast enough!
Paramedical Rules of The Bathroom: If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the call will always be in a Bathroom. If you have just gone to the Bathroom, no call will be received. If you have not just gone to the Bathroom, you will soon regret it. The probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to the time elapsed since last going to the Bathroom.
Basic Assumption About Dispatchers:
Given the opportunity, any Dispatcher will be only too happy to tell you where to go, regardless of whether or not (s)he actually knows where that may be.
Corollary 1:
The existence or non-existence of any given location is of only minor importance to a Dispatcher.
Corollary 2:
Any street designated as a "Cross-street" by a Dispatcher probably isn't.
Corollary 3:
If a street name can be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it.
Corollary 4:
If a street name cannot be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it.
Corollary 5:
A Dispatcher will always refer to a given location in the most obscure manner as possible. E.g., "Stumpy Brown's Cabbage Field" is now covered by a shopping center.
The First Principle of Triage:
In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.
The Gross Injury Rule:
Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.
The First Law of EMS Supervisors:
Given the equation: X - Y = Quality of Care where "X" is the care that you render and "Y" is the assistance supplied by any Supervisor. If you can eliminate "Y" from the equation, the Quality of Care will improve by "X".
Corollary 1:
Generally, Field Supervisors have no business in the Field.
Corollary 2:
The level of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
Corollary 3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The Law of Protocol Directives:
The simplest Protocol Directive will be worded in the most obscure and complicated manner possible. Speeds, for example, will be expressed as "Furlongs per Fortnight" and flow rates as "Hogsheads per Hour".
Corollary 1:
If you don't understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
Corollary 2:
If you can understand it, you probably don't.
The Paramedical Law of Light:
As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.
The Paramedical Law of Space:
The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.
The Paramedical Theory of Relativity:
The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.
Murphy's laws site
All the laws of Murphy in one place Enter your search terms Submit search form Web This Site Murphy's Origin Murphy's Laws Love Laws Tech Laws Computer Laws Commerce Laws Real Estate Laws Teaching Laws War Laws Cop Laws MP Laws Sewing Laws Fire Brigade Laws Photography Laws Nurses Laws Bus Law Lotto Laws CAS Laws Cars Laws Toddlers Laws EMT Laws Graphic Design Laws Mothers Laws Scouts Laws Political Laws Golf Laws Employees Laws Office Laws Music Laws Horse Laws Martial Arts Laws Miscellaneous Laws Real Life Example Book Store Poster Shop About Us Links Murphy's EMT laws
Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
Try not to discuss "your day" at the family dinner table.
You may not install a "car catcher" on the front of the ambulance.
The more equipment you see on a EMT's belt, the newer they are.
Examine all chest clutchers first, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
All bleeding stops... eventually.
You can't cure stupid.
If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
"Riding shotgun" does not mean you shoot the tires of non-yielding vehicles.
If at all possible, avoid any edible item that fire fighters prepare.
EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
Every emergency has three phases: PANIC... FEAR... REMORSE.
A good tape job will fix almost anything.
Yuppies involved in accidents complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.
It's not a compliment when Policemen say you're crude, crass & cynical.
The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.
Schedule your days off to avoid working during full phases of the Moon.
There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
Automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
Your social skills will be lacking, if all your anecdotes deal with blood.
Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
Don't place bets on the glucose level of an unresponsive patient.
You cannot institute a surcharge for unruly or surly patients.
It is not necessary to have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
As long as stupidity remains epidemic in the US, you have job security.
Don't worry about the gunshot wound as much as dealing with the family.
All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time.
Corollary 1:
Fewer accidents would occur if EMS personnel would never eat.
Corollary 2:
Always order food "to go".
The Paramedical Laws of Time:
There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift. Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59. (Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)
The Paramedical Law of Gravity:
Any instrument, when dropped, will always come to rest in the least accessible place possible.
The Paramedical Law of Time And Distance:
The distance of the call from the Hospital increases as the time to shift change decreases.
Corollary 1:
The shortest distance between the station and the scene is under construction.
The Paramedical Rule of Random Synchronicity:
Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.
The Rule of Respiratory Arrest: All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.
The Basic Principle For Dispatchers:
Assume that all field personnel are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Basic Principle For Field Personnell:
Assume that all dispatchers are idiots until their actions prove your assumption.
The Axiom of Late-Night Runs:
If you respond to any Motor Vehicle Accident call after Midnight and do not find a drunk on the scene, keep looking:
somebody is still missing.
The Law of Options:
Any patient, when given the option of either going to Jail or going to the Hospital by a Police Officer, will always be inside the Ambulance before you are.
Corollary 1:
Any patient who chooses to go to Jail instead of the Hospital has probably been in my rig in the past.
The First Rule of Equipment: Any piece of Life-saving Equipment will never malfunction or fail until:
a)You need it to save a life,
or
b)The salesman leaves.
The Second Rule of Equipment:
Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will, and self-starters won't.
The First Law of Ambulance Operation:
No matter how fast you drive the Ambulance when responding to a call, it will never be fast enough, until you pass a Police Cruiser, at which point it will be entirely too fast. Unless you are responding to an "Officer Down" call then it is physically impossible to be travelling fast enough!
Paramedical Rules of The Bathroom: If a call is received between 0500 and 0700, the location of the call will always be in a Bathroom. If you have just gone to the Bathroom, no call will be received. If you have not just gone to the Bathroom, you will soon regret it. The probability of receiving a run increases proportionally to the time elapsed since last going to the Bathroom.
Basic Assumption About Dispatchers:
Given the opportunity, any Dispatcher will be only too happy to tell you where to go, regardless of whether or not (s)he actually knows where that may be.
Corollary 1:
The existence or non-existence of any given location is of only minor importance to a Dispatcher.
Corollary 2:
Any street designated as a "Cross-street" by a Dispatcher probably isn't.
Corollary 3:
If a street name can be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it.
Corollary 4:
If a street name cannot be mispronounced, a Dispatcher will mispronounce it.
Corollary 5:
A Dispatcher will always refer to a given location in the most obscure manner as possible. E.g., "Stumpy Brown's Cabbage Field" is now covered by a shopping center.
The First Principle of Triage:
In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.
The Gross Injury Rule:
Any injury, the sight of which makes you want to puke, should immediately be covered by 4x4's and Kerlix.
The First Law of EMS Supervisors:
Given the equation: X - Y = Quality of Care where "X" is the care that you render and "Y" is the assistance supplied by any Supervisor. If you can eliminate "Y" from the equation, the Quality of Care will improve by "X".
Corollary 1:
Generally, Field Supervisors have no business in the Field.
Corollary 2:
The level of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
Corollary 3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The Law of Protocol Directives:
The simplest Protocol Directive will be worded in the most obscure and complicated manner possible. Speeds, for example, will be expressed as "Furlongs per Fortnight" and flow rates as "Hogsheads per Hour".
Corollary 1:
If you don't understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
Corollary 2:
If you can understand it, you probably don't.
The Paramedical Law of Light:
As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.
The Paramedical Law of Space:
The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.
The Paramedical Theory of Relativity:
The number of distraught and uncooperative relatives surrounding any given patient varies exponentially with the seriousness of the patient's illness or injury.
Last edited by a moderator:
