I hate my job...

Hockey

Hockey

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1 month old full arrest...didn't make it...


No juicy details sorry


Always went over the scenario/nightmare in my head about "picking a baby up in my arms and running out the door while doing CPR and it not making it" but never thought it would happen




Job sucks sometimes...at minimum wage, I still don't know why I do it after days like today
 
I'm so sorry. May you have a call very soon that renews your spirit and reminds you of why you are doing this job.
 
Take Care Of Your Self.

Hey, I rode the box for 17 years. There is not any thing to do except your best. I have run the scenarios on, “What IF” so many times, is too numerous to count. Dang it’s not easy. Did you have a debriefing? Advice we all think we are tough, so did I, now I am on medication and going to counseling…. It is human to hurt, feel, question, and all the other things that make a professional and a person with a conscience. Taking care of people in critical situations require not only education but guts. Don’t forget to take care of your self
 
It's the ones that you do save, that reminds you why you do it.
Hang in there, you well get your good calls!

Cheers Enjoynz
 
Hockey, we were trained to try our best no matter what.

The answer is that, in most cases, dead is dead. We are there to give them their only chance, and to help reassure society that if something happens to us, no matter what, someone will go full tilt and try to save us...otherwise, the whole house of cards starts to turn into "me first" and "take no chances".

Kid calls are hard, and despite healthy retrospection and unhealthy fingerpointing, start out from the position that you did the best you could possibly do, you aren't blaming other people, and that kid had the best chance possible thanks to you being there.

You will get some calls where you get to win some, and that will help. If you have trouble with the wages, or if the company is not equipping and training you properly, bring it up for discussion, try to fix it, or vote with your feet.
 
If this call has caused you to hate your job then maybe your training has not prepared you for some of the realities of the job. There will be many calls that will not turn out as you want. There will be many more that you will never know how they turn out as you will only count the "saves" as those that you get to the hospital with a heartbeat to still be legally declared alive. What happens after you exit the ED will be of no concern. By knowing every call will not always be a save even by the "arrive with a heartbeat" criteria may make the job a little easier to cope with. EMS is not for everyone but unfortunately many enter it with too little preparation or don't realize what the job actually involves.

If you are seriously have trouble dealing with this, don't mess around with CISD. Don't fall for "nobody else will understand" what we do. Find yourself a qualified professional counselor.

It is also not to late to reconsider this job choice and find something you are more comfortable with that may even pay better.
 
The job sucks, life sucks sometimes, that's just life. I agree with Vent. Whoever told you would that you would be saving any life, lied. The best we can do is temporarily postpone death and prolong life, that's real life. Truthfully, there is no hero in this business, that idea is all propaganda for t-shirts and paraphernalia. I find this job however bad, is better than digging a ditch.

R/r 911
 
VentMedic said:
If you are seriously have trouble dealing with this, don't mess around with CISD. Don't fall for "nobody else will understand" what we do. Find yourself a qualified professional counselor.
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Ridryder911 said:
The job sucks, life sucks sometimes, that's just life. I agree with Vent. Whoever told you would that you would be saving any life, lied. The best we can do is temporarily postpone death and prolong life, that's real life. Truthfully, there is no hero in this business, that idea is all propaganda for t-shirts and paraphernalia. I find this job however bad, is better than digging a ditch.

R/r 911
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Amen. This may sound a tad crass, but your heart belongs in your chest; not your sleeve.
 
I'm willing to bet that Hockey 9019 will be just fine. Sometimes people need to vent and the language of venting doesn't always match the hard realities that a person already understands to be true. Like the fact that things will not always turn up roses. We all know that before we go in, but when the really hard things happen we might say things like we hate this job. What's not to hate about dead babies?

That being said, I still appreciate the reality check that several of you provide here. Keeps me from getting the slightest bit romantic about trying to help people.
 
In the worst hour of their lives, the parent(s) of that kid called for help, and it arrived in the form of you. You weren't there to save that child, you were there to take whatever steps necessary to give that kid a chance of making it. You were there to get that child to definitive care as quickly and as safely as possible, doing everything you could to improve his/her chances along the way. You made the blood go round and round, and made the air go in and out. It is truly tragic that the efforts of everyone concerned were futile, but that's in God's hands, not yours. In the big scheme of things, it's more important that you were there and did what you could, and the fact that it gets to you means that you have a passion for the job that cannot be taught or forgotten. There will be bad days in this job and we've all had them, and you will have them again. But, there will also be days when your efforts will be rewarded with success, and those are the ones that you use to get you through the calls like the one from last night. Tomorrow will be another day, with it's own tragedies and successes; hopefully you will be there then, to do what you can.
 
Sorry to hear about about the crappy call. I hope you start feeling better soon.
 
Such is life. People live and die, age does not matter, death does not discriminate. Death is death. If death bothers you, you may want to consider another field. If you did your job to your best based on your level and protocols, go on and forget. If you screwed up then learn from it and go on.
 
medic417 said:
Such is life. People live and die, age does not matter, death does not discriminate. Death is death. If death bothers you, you may want to consider another field. If you did your job to your best based on your level and protocols, go on and forget. If you screwed up then learn from it and go on.
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Actually, if death bothers you, you may want to consider that you are a compassionate human being who has not yet become totally jaded, ground down and burned-out.

If the death of a 1 mo old does not bother you, you may want to consider another field.
 
medic417 said:
Such is life.
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this is true... i tell my fiancee this, but she doesn't understand (as she is a nurse). More often than not, the "team" of doctors successfully recussitate someone... In EMS, thats not always the case... plus, 2 people Vs a team of doctors. lets look at it logically
 
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Chelle said:
Actually, if death bothers you, you may want to consider that you are a compassionate human being who has not yet become totally jaded, ground down and burned-out.

If the death of a 1 mo old does not bother you, you may want to consider another field.
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Why does the age matter? Are you going to try harder to "save" a baby than baby's grandma? If yes you are admitting to deciding who needs to live or die. Death regardless of age is just part of life as we currently know it. If we allow ourselves to focus on it it consumes. All deaths that occur when I treating a person do cause pain but I do not dwell on what I have no control over. I review the case, so I can learn from it and go forward.
 
medic417 said:
Death regardless of age is just part of life as we currently know it.
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Yes, it is. And the fact that death bothers someone, no matter the age of the deceased, does not make them a pansy who needs to consider another career. It makes them human.

Many of the "death is death" type comments here come across as arrogant and unfeeling. Like the person who is making them is so high & mighty that such paltry things as death no longer touch them. Whether that is the intention of the writer isn't even the point. That's how it comes across.

Is the death of a baby more significant than the death of an older person? Of course not, and it was never my point to begin with.
 
DV_EMT said:
plus, 2 people Vs a team of doctors. lets look at it logically
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It is usually just one doctor that gives the parents the news at the hospital that their child was not able to be resuscitated. It may also be just one doctor that tells the family their child has not hope so they should say their good-byes because the life support will be terminated. It may be just one doctor present when the RN and RT terminates life suppport. It may be just this doctor that the parents will expect some outstanding reason as to why their child died. As an EMT(P) you should be lucky to say "the doctor will explain everything to you".
 
Chelle said:
Yes, it is. And the fact that death bothers someone, no matter the age of the deceased, does not make them a pansy who needs to consider another career. It makes them human.

Many of the "death is death" type comments here come across as arrogant and unfeeling. Like the person who is making them is so high & mighty that such paltry things as death no longer touch them. Whether that is the intention of the writer isn't even the point. That's how it comes across.

Is the death of a baby more significant than the death of an older person? Of course not, and it was never my point to begin with.
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Sorry, I do not let anyones death bother me. I have other jobs to do and cannot do that if my mind is on the last call. Do I think it is sad? Sure. Do I let it bother me? NO. They are Pt's, not family. I do not know them.

I am far from burnt out or arrogant. I have learned over the years, that dwelling on things you have no control over, will eat you up and end up running you into the ground.

So yes, That is very good advice for anyone that plans to last more then a few years!
 
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