Feeling discouraged, freakish. Am I cut out for EMS?

Jon

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AMS... Sounds like you're having a rough time in clinicals.

Let me tell you something... It's not a big secret, but I don't harp on it either (if you look back at some of my old posts, you'll find this story, too). I went all the way through medic school once..... And failed. My school at the time sounds similar to yours. My clinicals were in big hospitals, with limited 1:1 preceptor interaction. When I did my ED time, I'd walk in and talk with an RN, and it wasn't unusual to get told "12 leads on room 1 and 4, IV's and labs in room 4, 6, 7, and 10, and oh yeah, a foley in room 11. Then come find me. Did I get skills in? Yes. Did I get assessments in, and learn the "why"? Not really. That, coupled with coasting through Pharm and not really learning it meant that when I hit my field internship, I crashed and burned spectacularly. I couldn't put the big picture together and actually direct treatment of my patient.


I went through medic school again, a few years later. My clinical sites were smaller, and I got a lot more 1:1 clinical precepting. My program also had us out riding with medics after the first month or so. That worked a LOT better for me.




It sounds like part of your problem is that you are being left to fend for yourself. Talk with your program folks and see if that's the intent. If it is, perhaps try to find a couple of nurses that don't mind teaching you, and try to work your clinical schedule around their schedule.
 

Onceamedic

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EMS is very attractive to those of us that want to "help" and are curious and nosy and impatient and let's be honest; thrill seekers. Paramedicine is the only field where we get to act like doctors and not need all that book larning.

We are thrown into the field with insufficient education. Some of us have a true love of medicine and are ever curious and want to know why and have trouble with protocols that say "cause we say so".

As newbies meaningful knowledge of the field is limited - and with inexperienced EMTs the gee whiz newbie thrill of the lights and sirens has not worn off.

We want to do it so bad that we put up with crazy hours and :censored::censored::censored::censored:ty pay and managers that don't know what they are doing or are just dedicated to moving up the ladder and/or the bottom line.

Most wash out at 3 1/2 years. Reality sets in and they either recognize that if they want to stay in medicine in any meaningful way they need to go back to school, or they do something else. Some teach, others move into management, etc. etc. etc.

The love of the field never leaves, but the paradigm and the politics that support it are unsupportable.

Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords. Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)

You have the bug. You will not listen to me. You will go forward and can "suceed". You will cause yourself uncountable hours of second guessing and emotional beating to add to the exhaustion and other stresses of the job.

If you don't drive yourself over the bend and fill yourself with even more self hatred, after 2500 or so calls, you will realize that you don't really want to be there anymore. It's not fun, the fulfilling moments are few, and you will be terribly saddened but unable to shake the knowledge that you are done with EMS.

Please stop thinking there is something wrong with you.
 
OP
OP
Altered Mental Status

Altered Mental Status

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AMS... Sounds like you're having a rough time in clinicals.

Let me tell you something... It's not a big secret, but I don't harp on it either (if you look back at some of my old posts, you'll find this story, too). I went all the way through medic school once..... And failed. My school at the time sounds similar to yours. My clinicals were in big hospitals, with limited 1:1 preceptor interaction. When I did my ED time, I'd walk in and talk with an RN, and it wasn't unusual to get told "12 leads on room 1 and 4, IV's and labs in room 4, 6, 7, and 10, and oh yeah, a foley in room 11. Then come find me. Did I get skills in? Yes. Did I get assessments in, and learn the "why"? Not really. That, coupled with coasting through Pharm and not really learning it meant that when I hit my field internship, I crashed and burned spectacularly. I couldn't put the big picture together and actually direct treatment of my patient.


I went through medic school again, a few years later. My clinical sites were smaller, and I got a lot more 1:1 clinical precepting. My program also had us out riding with medics after the first month or so. That worked a LOT better for me.




It sounds like part of your problem is that you are being left to fend for yourself. Talk with your program folks and see if that's the intent. If it is, perhaps try to find a couple of nurses that don't mind teaching you, and try to work your clinical schedule around their schedule.

THIS gives me hope. I think I can deal with saying "I crashed and burned spectacularly but then I found my own footing at a later date and now I'm rockin' the box."

For the record; my instructor has been a source of support and advocacy but he has to offer the same clinical experience to every student within the parameters of the program requirements. He's offered to work with me some more in the lab to help me build my competencies so at the very least, I have someplace to start to find my own groove. He advised me to do the same thing you suggested: find a willing nurse and ask if I can shadow.

Kaisu said:
Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords. Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)

You have the bug. You will not listen to me. You will go forward and can "suceed". You will cause yourself uncountable hours of second guessing and emotional beating to add to the exhaustion and other stresses of the job.

If you don't drive yourself over the bend and fill yourself with even more self hatred, after 2500 or so calls, you will realize that you don't really want to be there anymore. It's not fun, the fulfilling moments are few, and you will be terribly saddened but unable to shake the knowledge that you are done with EMS.

Please stop thinking there is something wrong with you.

The words of an intellectual kindred. <3 It takes a brilliant mind to recognize one. Thank you for you.

The truth is, I can't imagine wanting to do anything other than this; I'm at my best in chaos, grow weary and unsure in ordered calm. I'm sure this is a curse you're quite familiar with.

I used to make good money working behind a desk for d-bags and honestly, I'd rather spend my life making no more than $40K dealing with people's blood and sh:censored:t than have to deal with one more executive numbskull in wingtips, whining about the fact that there are no more of the "good pens" in supply and "by-the-way, when am I going to plan another expensed lunch meeting with those guys that always order from the sushi place?"

I like that when I put on the uniform, even though I know I may not be "saving lives" most of the time, at least I'm part of this world's solutions instead of its problems. The patient having her third panic attack in a week doesn't bother me. Wiping phlegm out of a 2-pack-a-day smoker's stoma doesn't bother me. He can't pee, he weighs 300 lbs, she ran out of her zoloft and hasn't showered in days? No problem. Just don't make me have to track down a font some overpaid paper-monkey used to use at his old company 8 years ago ever again. Please.

Who knows? Maybe someday I'll write the book about us that actually does this field justice.

I'm actually on a volunteer shift right now (between calls) after months of taking a break. I've been here since 0800 (central time) and honestly, this has been a gigantic morale boost. THIS is why I'm doing this. THIS is what matters. THIS is my element (if I can just find my niche and sharpen myself to fit neatly in that space). The hospital environment with its neatly prescribed protocols and its pecking-order orientation is like extended family; family we have to get along with only briefly for holidays and gatherings (though get along, we must) and Internship is like a family reunion camping trip: it'll go a lot more smoothly if we all respect one anothers' space and hold our tongues.

JB said:
As Americans we love that idea of rugged individualism - of that person who pulls himself up by his bootstraps against all odds - but it's a load of BS. Nobody makes it on their own.

Totally feeling this. I'm so grateful for you guys. I look to everyone in this industry for wisdom and mentorship--not just the medics but the EMTs as well. I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm too high up to learn from anyone up or down the "chain of command." There's no job that's "beneath me," no lesson not worth learning. You guys really came through for me in what was a very dark hour and I hope I can do the same for someone else someday. I hope to share my victories with y'all soon.

Humblest, kindest regards,
-j
 

VFlutter

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Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords. Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)


I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics should be intelligent.

I frequently get the "You're too smart to be a Nurse" comment and it frustrates me like no other.
 
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teedubbyaw

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I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics should be intelligent.

I frequently get the "Your too smart to be a Nurse" comment and it frustrates me like no other.

You're*

:D
 

hogwiley

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It's not your fault if you weren't taught something. I work with ICU charge Nurses who probably couldn't change the oil on their car, does that make them idiots?

I have the advantage of having thick skin(or a thick skull), but I tune out all that BS. When I first started working as a tech I floated to many different units at a large hospital. There was no way you could know everything about every unit, how they did things and the types of procedures and devices particular to that unit.

As a result the float techs were often treated like idiots by the techs on the units they floated to, even though we had more training than them, and those same techs probably couldn't function on another unit without an extensive orientation. It taught me that for some people, possessing knowledge someone else doesn't makes them superior to that person in their minds. Half the techs in that hospital seemed to think their unit was the hardest and they were somehow a cut above, it was hilarious. ER techs were probably the worst, even though the ER was considered one of the easiest units to work on.

So keep that in mind when you see someone knocking out a 12 lead or starting an IV like they've done it a thousand times before, while you struggle. They aren't geniuses, they probably HAVE done it a thousand times before.
 

9D4

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Girl you are too smart to be a medic. With all that intelligence comes the other things you mentioned - overthinking, etc. etc. etc.
You are a ferrari in a garage full of fords. Nothing wrong with a ford, except why would a ferrari want to be ford ? ( or a ford want to be a ferrari for that matter.)
I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics should be intelligent.

I frequently get the "You're too smart to be a Nurse" comment and it frustrates me like no other.
Hope that quote works out like I want it, too, haha.

I was thinking the same thing about the degrading part.
I hope people understand this by how I say this. It's the driver; not the car. If you look all over online there's hundreds of videos of people that hop in Ferrari's and wreck in half a second, because they don't know how to drive. Where as someone racing against that Ferrari that just wrecked in a cheapo Ford is going to win, because they were the better driver and had the skills. I'm not even going to say anything about the fact that Ferraris seem to spontaneously go up in flames :p I think that made sense. It did in my head at least.

I still made myself feel better by saying that I must be a Ford GT40 (which was made specifically to win the 24 hrs of LeMans against Ferrari's win streak and succeeded for 4 years) :rofl:
 

truetiger

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I think it's time you put your foot down and say I can do this. Unfortunately with your track record you're going to have to fix this sooner rather than later. As you've realized, most of your problem stems from confidence. Don't attempt an iv, start an iv. Don't over think it, its a simple procedure. On your next iv, don't think about it. By now you know the procedure, let your hands work without walking them through the procedure in your head. Once you've got that down, transfer that mentality to everything else that you should have mastered.
 

hogwiley

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At least you seem to be passionate about EMS. I'm actually wondering if I'm cut out to be a Paramedic for different reasons. I just don't care THAT much. I see posts like this, and see fellow students stressing out over an exam and talking about all the studying they've done, or going on and on about something in clinicals, as if they've memorized every second and go over it in their heads, or discussing other sources of information or books or flashcards they bought.

It makes me wonder if I'm really into it enough. So far it hasn't been an issue and I've done fine, but later on if it requires losing massive amounts of sleep and devoting my entire life to it, I'm not sure I'm willing to make the effort. If I do make a mistake and get chastised for it, as long as its not something important I'm over it pretty much instantly. I like to think its because I'm older than most other students, so I just cant get excited easily any more, but maybe this is going to be a liability.

When I started my first EMT job I remember other new EMTs asking a ton of questions and literally calling their FTO after a shift to ask something, and I just didnt bother. It was one of the criticisms my FTO had of me, that I seemed a little too lax and unmotivated about the job, all I could think was come on, I could make almost as much money working at jiffy lube, how motivated do you expect me to be? I've had people act surprised when I told them I was going to Paramedic school for this reason, but here I am.
 

Akulahawk

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Hog, if you've got a decent education under your belt, Paramedic School just doesn't seem all that difficult. I found that to be the case. In some instances, I probably could have taught the material that we were being presented. To a pretty large degree, I'm finding that Nursing School is very similar in that regard. The basics are fairly easy for me as I'm not learning a whole lot of new stuff. What I find challenging is not only the pathophys of the problems the patient has, but interrelating them.
 

Blue Medic

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Thanks for all the flames!

I suppose I have come across as harsh, but so be it. Was I supremely confident and certain of myself? Absolutely not, however, I also wasn't paralyzed by fear. Does it get easier? Of course it does. Regardless if you're a paramedic, a carpenter, an attorney, or work at McDonalds, the 1000th time you do something is always going to be easier than the first.

Of course, from here, you have no clue if I'm actually even an EMT, or a medic with decades of experience who has trained hundreds of some of the finest providers. However, if you're into taking anonymous advice, here's what I tell students all the time...

Confidence and demeanor are probably more important than technical skills and knowledge. Appearance is everything. It has been proven a thousand times that even if a physician makes an egregious error, if the patient likes them, it more often than now will prevent a law suit. Now I'm not suggesting that litigation prevention is our primary mission... like I said in my previous post, our job is to save lives, despite the fact that 95% of what we see does not require life saving intervention. Alas I regress...

Confidence needs to start from within. Exude confidence, even if you're not sure what you're doing. Hell, lord knows there have been enough times where I have been in my own mind, "holy crap... I have no f-word clue what is going on here." But, my partner, and more importantly the patient, never knew that.

Know the basics. Be 100% rock solid on the basics, and take your confidence from that. Then build your practice off of that. Sure you'll be nervous; nervous is normal. Lumps in your throat and chest pain are not. IV #250 will be a lot more comfortable than #1 or even #10.

Despite all the "sage" advice of the people flaming me and offering kind words, those words wont quell your mind when you try to sleep the first time you make an error; and it will happen. Only you can decide if it's for you, not us. If you will will sit at the station in fear that the tones drop for an unconscious ejection from a MVA, or an infant not breathing, then this may not be the right thing for you. Do I want those things? Absolutely not, but I know that if that person has any chance of a tomorrow, it's because I am there and confident in what I can do. That, my good lady, is the choice only you can make.

Peace out, cub scouts...
 

Onceamedic

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I know that you meant this comment in the best possible way but I really do hate it nonetheless. It may be a compliment to that one person but it degrades an entire profession at the same time. All medics should be intelligent.

I know medics should be intelligent, but they are not. The intelligent medics are targeted by the mouth breathers who run the show. They are the heros after all, and understanding pathophysiology, diagnosing (horrors!) and looking at the big picture paints a target on your back.
You don't know the meaning of frustration until you've spent 5 years trying to work with room temperature IQs.

PS.. it's not my remark that degrades the profession - it's the people within it that determine whether the profession is degraded or elevated.
 
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AmbalampsDriver1987

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Hey there, AMS.

Know this, the people that discourage you and talk **** about you instead of helping you are *******s. They do not belong in the EMT world, because basic stuff like ECG leads are a sinch to teach. Skills are easy to teach, it is the desire to teach and being a nice person that cannot be taught.

I want you to understand that it's about your desire to help others that will make you good at what you do more than anything else, because all skills come with time, or a good teacher willing to show you how to do the stuff you aren't good at.

I taught 3 week BLS interns how to put on 12 leads, write reports, take vitals, drive an ambulance, take blood sugar, give oxygen, and operate the lifepak all in 1 shift. Now, you tell me, how did that happen? Am I God? No, I am not a jackass.

Are you a **** up? No, you are a nice woman who was so innocent that she would cry because she raised some dude from the supine position, because he was saying he could not breath in the supine position! You are what EMS needs! Show that level of compassion!

Keep being who you are. Trust yourself. Build yourself up and don't tear yourself down.

I would rather have a clumsy, self-conscious EMT student who pours their heart into helping people over a jackass who knows the skills any day of the week.

You are cut out for this. We need you.
 

Chimpie

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Replying to old posts is fine as long as the content is relevant.

If you think it's not relevant, "Report" the thread and we will look into it.
 

AtlasFlyer

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I did :) though it was more about the user's name than anything else.... (that has been changed, thank you).


The "holy necropost" comment was really more an exclamation than anything. Like, whoa, this is an old thread.
 

Mufasa556

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The resurrection and username combination got a decent laugh from me. I'm not going to lie, UsernameModerated is a pretty solid name too. I'm disappointed I didn't think of it.

From looking at the OPs profile, it looks like she made it through just fine. There's a lot of good advice in this thread. We all have had hard times starting out, but if you're passionate, stick to it, and work hard you'll make it through.
 
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