emt's on a fire path: girlfriend ultimatum

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medic417 said:
Actually it is the best advice. He needs to decide whether a stupid job is more important than a relationship.
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Yeah it kinda is, it may come to a surprise to you but this field isn't just a 'stupid' job to most people in it. They do it because it is a very rewarding job even if it doesn't pay a whole lot. It is not something you get into for money. And you should never let another person affect your decision if its something you really want to do. If they cant accept you for who you really are then they can hit the road. Plenty of fish in the sea.
 
twilightsamurai said:
First time poster here, don't really know who else to ask about this.

So, I'm currently employed as an EMT and am moving towards a career in fire. I just completed a fire academy a couple months ago. I met my girlfriend 6 months ago, right before I started academy.

In the beginning of the relationship, she had mentioned that she thought firefighting was pretty dangerous and found it a very unusual career choice. I kind of dismissed that and figured it wasn't a big deal. Ever since then, she has brought it up from time to time saying it bothers her and she thinks it might be a problem if we ever wanted to settle down and have a life together. Her parents don't approve of it as well, which adds even more pressure. I've tried talking to her, and explaining to her that although it is dangerous, its not like the movies, we have safety protocols, etc etc, but she won't change her mind. She's convinced that its just the most dangerous job in the world and can't see a future with somebody in that field. The relationship is pretty serious, and we've dealt with it pretty much by ignoring it. But she brings it up more often nowadays, especially since I've just recently been employed as an EMT. She thinks even being an EMT is dangerous work, and she seems to be unable to ignore it much longer.

So... what do I do? Have any of you guys ever had to deal with this situation as an EMT, a FF, or as somebody aspiring to be one? I don't want to break up with her as I do enjoy being with her and feel strongly towards her. But I can't give up this career path either. Its as much a part of me as our relationship.

tldnr; gf doesn't like the fact I want to be a ff. what should I do?
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Don't think you need anyone to tell you what you should. I think you already know. Hope it all works out.
 
Just get a dog... they're a lot less of a hassle.:P
 
subliminal1284 said:
Yeah it kinda is, it may come to a surprise to you but this field isn't just a 'stupid' job to most people in it. They do it because it is a very rewarding job even if it doesn't pay a whole lot. It is not something you get into for money. And you should never let another person affect your decision if its something you really want to do. If they cant accept you for who you really are then they can hit the road. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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But it is still just a job. He has to decide if his current fascination will last longer than his feelings for the dame.
 
Relationships and jobs are kinda similar. The only difference is, you know, eventually, you will no longer be employed. You have a relationship. Do you have a firefighting job? That whole "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars" nonsense is bull. Best case scenario, you marry this girl. Worst case scenario, she leaves you because you put in for the job. Then you don't get the job, and you wind up single and unemployed, and you sacrificed something good in your life for a pipe dream.
 
EMTinNEPA said:
46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again. I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook. That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone. I say forget firefighting. I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut. Take whatever chance for happiness you get. Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.
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It's not so much about being a FF, maybe he'll drop it and then he'll decide to go to medic school. She'll probably go against that, too. She may try to control more areas of his life, since she was successful previously. I wasn't giving advice, just asking him to consider some possibilities.
 
EMTinNEPA said:
Relationships and jobs are kinda similar. The only difference is, you know, eventually, you will no longer be employed. You have a relationship. Do you have a firefighting job? That whole "shoot for the moon, even if you miss you land among the stars" nonsense is bull. Best case scenario, you marry this girl. Worst case scenario, she leaves you because you put in for the job. Then you don't get the job, and you wind up single and unemployed, and you sacrificed something good in your life for a pipe dream.
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Staying with someone just because you're afraid you'll end up alone reeks of insecurity. She's already giving him this much stress and turmoil less than 6 months in! How overbearing and controlling is she going to be in 1 year? 5? 10? If someone isn't right for you, if you're unwilling to compromise and see things eye to eye, you're better off alone. There will be others. If there's not then it just isn't meant to be. Many battered wives and girlfriends stay because they're afraid that they won't find anyone else to "love" them.

Your significant other should be supportive of you, and go to bat for you no matter what. They shouldn't be telling you how to run your life, and giving what amounts to an ultimatum, as was said about the fire job (or even EMS alone, for the sake of argument) being a problem if they want to settle down. She's already giving ultimatums early in the relationship, and at the same time is unwilling to compromise or otherwise discuss things with him. She seems quite selfish and self centered. Not exactly desireable qualities.

I don't know his whole story. If it were me, and I were in his shoes, I would tell her this: You met me shortly before I started the fire academy. You've stayed with me throughout that, and also during my new career choice in EMS. However, you give me grief fairly consistently about my career choices, and even went so far as to suggest that you would be unwilling to marry me if I follow through on my plans? Apparently this relationship means so little to you that you'd put forth what is basically an ultimatum. Do you love me for who I am, and all that entails, or are you just focused on changing me into someone else, who fits your standards? It sounds strongly like the latter. Do you really want to be with me? (wait for reply) If you honestly do, then this badgering needs to stop. The woman that I CHOOSE to marry (not the other way around, have some pride) needs to have my back, through thick and thin. I need to know that you'll be that woman.

From my personal experience and observations, women will respect a man that stands up for himself, rather than cave in to every demand and complaint. No one will have respect for a doormat. The challenge is gone, and the other partner will lose respect and interest for you. I suspect that the same is true should the sexes be reversed.
 
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Here's another angle - ask her what career path she thinks you should have, what would be acceptable to her. I'm betting that it's something that you couldn't see doing for 30 years or so, as you'll probably want to eat a bullet at some point. She may want you to be white collar, like an accountant, attorney, or something else equally unappealing to someone who would rather work outdoors.
 
Ok, when it comes to a career, you need to do something that you enjoy doing. If you don't, it is just a matter of time before you dread going into work every day and are completely miserable. (And, I speak from experience. I took a 50% pay cut when I first started working in EMS, and I am still here 10 years later. Prior to that, it was all I could do to drag myself into work, and am shocked I didn't get fired before I quit for attendance issues. I was completely miserable.)

I can also tell you, that making the decision to take that big pay cut and take a chance doing something I enjoyed doing would have been much more difficult had my husband not been supportive of my decision. (If it meant I would actually go to work, he was all for it.) Once he saw how much I enjoyed what I was doing, I became happier in general, and our relationship improved. I know he has come to my defense with my parents on different occasions since they don't "get it" and think I should go to nursing school. They don't understand, nor do they try, why I have no interest in nursing, at least at this point in my life.

Just keep in mind that another person will not, or cannot, make you happy. Only you can do that, based upon the decisions you make. Sit down, figure out if FF is what you really want to do, exactly how important this girl is to you, and what sacrifices you are willing to make, if any. Once you ask yourself some tough questions, and come up with some answers, it will be easier for you to know what you need to do in this situation.
 
im gonna make an abridged post here:

1. People who love you should support your decision.....no matter how crazy, dangerous, or flat out outrageous it is

2. Love what you do! (hence why im moving out of pharmacy and into EMS)


If it were me.... either ignore her and go about your business... or move on. I know it sounds cynical... but its only gonna make you happy in the long run!
 
EMTinNEPA said:
46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again. I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook. That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone. I say forget firefighting. I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut. Take whatever chance for happiness you get. Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.
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That doesn't mean he should settle for somoene who he may later resent and is trying to keep him from his goals because he MAY never get another relationship.

I'd rather be alone doing something I wanted than with someone doing something I hated.
 
EMTinNEPA said:
46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again.
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What kind of logic is this?:rolleyes: You want him to settle for a girl he's been with for 6 months that is giving him an ultimatum on somthing as big as a career based on this?
 
281mustang said:
What kind of logic is this?:rolleyes: You want him to settle for a girl he's been with for 6 months that is giving him an ultimatum on somthing as big as a career based on this?
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Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.
 
Sasha said:
Didn't you know? Once one girl shows interest in you, you should never let her go, she may be the only girl to ever show interest in you. Propose to her on the first date to really seal in the deal.
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I did not know. You learn somthing new everyday.
 
If you ant to remain in medicine and not be ant EMT and don't have time for medical school try being a PA, RN, RT, etc. Maybe one of those would be better for your GF to handle you being in. Also those jibs pay a lot more than EMS. If you want to make good money while in EMS move to Canada.
 
To the op, dump that chick, man join the fire service, its the greatest job in the world, and there many other ho's out there for your pickn.:rolleyes:
 
It sounds to me like the problem is her. If you know what you wanna do and you love what you have been doing. Then you shouldnt give up something you love. The way i see it when your in a relationship you have to deal with problems but you should never let someone tell you what to do with your life. She should support your decision. After all its your life and not her's.
 
Ok... here's an idea. How about you sit and talk with her... perhaps even in a clinical session <gasp- relationship counseling> before you just walk away.

Find out WHY she's against you being in the FD... and either correct misconceptions or recognize which is MORE important to you - and which you'll regret more in 20 years... giving up on her or on Fire/EMS.

Jon
 
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