Dear Alex:
Thank you for all the great advice you have given me. Thank you for the support. I hope your health improves soon and you have my prayers, good thoughs and well-wishes toward that end. I understand and respect your decision, and I also know it must have been terribly difficult for you. You have mentioned your family previously, I know you have a support system in place. I've also observed many on this forum truly care for you, and I'm sure they will be there for you, I will be too. People burn out because they care. I know you care. You care about your patients. You care about your colleagues. You care about your career. You want to to things not only the right way for the sake of correctness, by also because of your ethics and morality. You also struck me as being quite a driven personality, not necessarily for the sake of ambition, but more so being passionate...deeply caring.
When I left my full-time and better-paying position at the hospital...I also did it for similar reasons. I took a huge hit on pay, and it hurts us, but we are working through it. I found I could no longer sacrifice my health, nor time with my husband. It destroyed my ability to sleep. That job was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I realized that for decades I had lived to please others and great cost to myself. Also my now three-year run on attempting to break into a paying position in EMS....also tires me, although I love my volunteer position, mind you. But I am now almost at a place to let go of the only dream I have had for years. So here I sit...approaching 40 this Friday, on anti-depressents and sleep aids...trying to let all the crap go and embrace that which is important to me.
So for different reasons and coming by it a different road, I understand a little where you are right now. I don't feel well physically, I am exhausted emotionally, I feel vulnerable and alone and friendless. Were it not for my husband, who stands by me no matter what....I would be utterly alone in this.
I have a great deal of sincere respect for you. I know you are doing what you have to do. Please know, for what little bit it is worth, you have a little EMT-B in central Illinois praying as hard for you, as she is for herself. May we both find what we are looking for, my friend.
Take care of yourself, please.
Sincerely and simply,
Maria
