Animal Love

[JonTullos]

Some of the students in my class were swapping stories last night and one of the guys told a story of one night when he was working in the ER. Truck calls in (they do their reports over the air) and says they're en route with a female patient and a dog. They gave vitals and left it at that otherwise. So, when they got there, the rolled the NAKED woman and her German Sheppard in. She and the dog were, shall we say, "romantically involved" and had gotten stuck. He said they had to sedate them both, call animal control but eventually separated them. Evidently she was a mental patient (gee, ya think?!) and got a free ride to the state nut house after she and the pup were separated.

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I honestly don't think I could roll up on a scene like this and keep a straight face.

So, has this ever happened to anyone else?

 

[Jeremy89]

I think given the mental status of the pt, there really isn't anything funny about this. Yeah, maybe at first, but once the story is known, there should never be any reason to laugh at behavioral health patients. Yes, I've seen a fair share of em in the ER, and yes their outbursts can be funny sometimes, but what if they were your sister/brother. Would you want the nursing and EMS staff laughing at your family?

 

[willbeflight]

That is really nasty. I know it happens but dang!! Could she not find a date?

 

[medichopeful]

I feel bad for everybody involved, including the dog.

 

[PapaBear434]

I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend. I think you may have been taken, friend.

We had a guy in my class try to give us that story about the girl who masturbates with a frozen hotdog only to have it break off inside. I heard that story in middle school about some guy's sister, my dad heard it when HE was in middle school, and a quick look on Snopes can easily confirm it's urban legend status.

I'd be willing to bet this is about the same.

 

[LucidResq]

there should never be any reason to laugh at behavioral health patients.

Really? Give me a break. As long as you're not laughing in their face or being otherwise inappropriate it's stories like this that, along with other things, make the drudgery of EMS tolerable.

NO LAUGHTER IN EMS GUYS! Crazy people are NOT funny.

 

[LucidResq]

I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend. I think you may have been taken, friend.

We had a guy in my class try to give us that story about the girl who masturbates with a frozen hotdog only to have it break off inside. I heard that story in middle school about some guy's sister, my dad heard it when HE was in middle school, and a quick look on Snopes can easily confirm it's urban legend status.

I'd be willing to bet this is about the same.

What about the girl who came into the ED with the baseball stuck in her vagina, who came in with her boyfriend who put there, who is STILL wearing a full baseball uniform. (Go Rockies!)

The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time. So much so, that they often become the stuff of urban legends. If you can dream of something to fit in an orifice, you can rest assured that someone has already thought of it AND done it.

 

[medichopeful]

The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time.

I have never heard of this happening. Prove it!

 

[Mountain Res-Q]

What about the girl who came into the ED with the baseball stuck in her vagina, who came in with her boyfriend who put there, who is STILL wearing a full baseball uniform. (Go Rockies!)

The truth is, people DO stick crazy things in inappropriate orifices. All the time. So much so, that they often become the stuff of urban legends. If you can dream of something to fit in an orifice, you can rest assured that someone has already thought of it AND done it.

Okay, I have held back until now... but can't any longer.

Yes, these stories (and all psych pts) are great for a laugh. Laugh directly at them? Hell no; we are too professional. Laugh latter about some of the things we see? All the time!!! We in EMS are the sickest, saddest lot around and this is how we cope with things.

I have never had a story along these lines myself, but I do now an "EMS Animal Love" story from an instructor that I trust 110%. It involved a really sick dude and a frozen trout. Turns out that when a frozen trout thaws, the fins umbrella out, therefore making the removal of said trout difficult. The fins may cause dome perforations of the intestinal wall; this combined with the thawing and subsequent rotting may lead to sepsis... go figure... However, embarrassment trumps slowly dieing... and someone didn’t get help in time. What a way to die... like to see that on a tombstone!!!

 

[JonTullos]

I don't know, this story just smacks of urban legend. I think you may have been taken, friend.

Don't know about that... he was pretty convincing and he's spent a good bit of time in the ER. Even if he was lying it was still funny as hell and I'm pretty certain that it's happened at least once. I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there. Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.

 

[PapaBear434]

Don't know about that... he was pretty convincing and he's spent a good bit of time in the ER. Even if he was lying it was still funny as hell and I'm pretty certain that it's happened at least once. I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there. Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.

That much I could believe. Vibrate function and all.

But the "got a dog's penis stuck in the vagina" is just ridiculous. I know there are conditions that can make the vagina clamp down hard, but hard enough to trap a penis? Much less a dramatically smaller dog's penis?

Since the female genitalia is made to be smooth and slippery, and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them, I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.

 

[Sasha]

That much I could believe. Vibrate function and all.

But the "got a dog's penis stuck in the vagina" is just ridiculous. I know there are conditions that can make the vagina clamp down hard, but hard enough to trap a penis? Much less a dramatically smaller dog's penis?

Since the female genitalia is made to be smooth and slippery, and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them, I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.

A dog's penis expands into a bubble at the end before he ejaculates to prevent the female and the male from seperating. Also called a dog knot. It can take awhile for the "bubble" to go away and trying to yank it out can hurt the dog.

I have a true TV remote up rectum story. After you get past the intial immature "Hehehe" it's not really funny.

 

[akflightmedic]

I am aware of the dog swelling to prevent separation but knowing the expansion capabilities of a vagina, I do not see how it would still not be able to slip or pull out.

In addition to that, the dog typically does not stay swollen that long. Think of the time lines involved here...the woman finally calling 911 after how long, the response, the transport...all very frightening for the dog who would naturally decrease blood flow to that area as he would be more concerned with fight or flight, not procreation.

All else fails, get the garden hose and spray the cold water....sounds like a legend to me.

 

[Sasha]

I am aware of the dog swelling to prevent separation but knowing the expansion capabilities of a vagina, I do not see how it would still not be able to slip or pull out.

In addition to that, the dog typically does not stay swollen that long. Think of the time lines involved here...the woman finally calling 911 after how long, the response, the transport...all very frightening for the dog who would naturally decrease blood flow to that area as he would be more concerned with fight or flight, not procreation.

All else fails, get the garden hose and spray the cold water....sounds like a legend to me.

Hey I didn't say it was true, I'm just saying the dog's penis does in fact "barb". It was in response to this

and our penises (peni?) don't have barbs on them, I'm going to say getting stuck is a remote chance at best and getting lodged with an amorous German Shepard is even less likely.

Maybe she slipped the dog some viagra and she had a muscle spasm. I'm hard pressed to believe that this is a common occurence but I am not so naive to assume it's impossible. I'm continuely amazed by the.... oddity of people.

 

[Meursault]

I know for a fact (from an RN friend of mine) that in a town I used to live in, a very popular car dealer came in with a cell phone stuck up there. Seems he and his flavor of the week got a little frisky and couldn't get the phone out.

Please tell me someone asked him for the phone number. Missed opportunities sadden me.

 

[Flight-LP]

Ummmmm, anyone else find it a little wierd that our Florida folks seem to be well knowledged in the ways of doggie copulation?!?!?!?!?

What the heck do you people do with your spare time down there?????

 

[Sasha]

Ummmmm, anyone else find it a little wierd that our Florida folks seem to be well knowledged in the ways of doggie copulation?!?!?!?!?

What the heck do you people do with your spare time down there?????

Sweetheart, it's Florida, not Alabama.

 

[medic417]

Sweetheart, it's Florida, not Alabama.

And your point. I mean I didn't see any Alabama folks tell us about it so must be a Florida past time.:wacko:

 

[akflightmedic]

We are trained to recognize Alabamians and their deviant ways, that way when they cross the state line they are quickly turned around and sent on their way.

 

[Sasha]

And your point. I mean I didn't see any Alabama folks tell us about it so must be a Florida past time.:wacko:

That's because they can't figure out how to turn on the computer.