You did WHAT with THAT?!

Michael Sykes said:
I remember hearing of a local call years ago where a lady (we'll use that term loosely) was masturbating with a beer bottle, and created quite a vacuum, and couldn't get it out. They used a spring punch to blow the bottom out, and release the vacuum.

I also heard of a local call where a guy was drunk and jumping the wrought-iron fence around the local museum; on one jump, he landed a little short, impaling his rectum on one of those arrowhead-shaped posts. They had to cut the post off with a hacksaw, and take him to the ER with the thing still stuck in him. OUCH!

Years ago, we were coming back from a house fire, and I was riding the tailboard (back when we did such foolish things) standing on some rolled wet hose. The driver pulled into the station and hit the brakes. I went up in the air, and came down, catching the hosebed divider dead-nuts (pun intended) in the scrotum. I hit the floor like a rock. One of the guys went and got one of the EMT's, who couldn't help laughing.

"Damn, Mike," he said, "I wish I could help you, but they didn't teach us how to help cracked nuts. I can always call a truck for you if you want to go to the ER." I just waited until I could breathe normally again, and went home.
Click to expand...
Haha!
Luckily I've never dealt with any of the scenarios you mentioned - well, almost...

Had an 18 y/o male wipe out on a hand rail while skateboarding with friends. The pt wiped out while trying to avoid one of those little pieces of metal that are welded on to railings stop people from skateboarding on them. He ended up nut-crunching himself on the railing and rode down until he passed over that piece of metal... Tore more than just his pants! Upon first examination, I noticed a fair amount of blood (to be expected), but then I noticed a tiny little tube that progressed in diameter. After a few seconds I realized I was staring at the poor guy's vas deferens and epididymis. Upon closer examination, I then saw the testicle. All clearly outside the scrotum.


No wonder he was crying...
 
Michael Sykes said:
If I called my physician and told him I'd had a 6-hour erection, he'd probably congratulate me, before telling me to take a cold shower and head for the ER. What would they give you to bring it back down, nitro?
Click to expand...

Vaso dilators injected into the penis, if that doesnt work, needle aspiration of the penis, and if that doesnt work surgery. While doing my rotations we had a very unfortunate young man who would get erections that would last hours without ever taking anything to get it that way.
 
funny this thread shoudl come about...

I was actually overhearing some of the pharmacists today talking about the new forms of injectable viagra. There are a few companies that have been messing around with IV erectile dysfuntion syringes. As of yet... no luck passing it by the FDA.... but watch out world... IV Viagra and Cialis are comming!!!!

as for the mixup of vagisil PO.... I once had a patient come in talking about how she put her RX jelly on toast O_o.... I thought the PT was joking... but when i found out she was serious.... well... lets say we called poison control...... just to make sure :P
 
DV_EMT said:
funny this thread shoudl come about...

I was actually overhearing some of the pharmacists today talking about the new forms of injectable viagra. There are a few companies that have been messing around with IV erectile dysfuntion syringes. As of yet... no luck passing it by the FDA.... but watch out world... IV Viagra and Cialis are comming!!!!

as for the mixup of vagisil PO.... I once had a patient come in talking about how she put her RX jelly on toast O_o.... I thought the PT was joking... but when i found out she was serious.... well... lets say we called poison control...... just to make sure :P
Click to expand...

wow what will they think of next?
 
DV_EMT said:
as for the mixup of vagisil PO.... I once had a patient come in talking about how she put her RX jelly on toast O_o.... I thought the PT was joking... but when i found out she was serious.... well... lets say we called poison control...... just to make sure
Click to expand...

I once had a guy who accidentally brushed his teeth with his girlfriend's vagisil when he was drunk and trying to brush his teeth in the dark.

Michael Sykes said:
If I called my physician and told him I'd had a 6-hour erection, he'd probably congratulate me, before telling me to take a cold shower and head for the ER. What would they give you to bring it back down, nitro? Hell, I've got those, too!
Click to expand...

After one call, I wound up asking a urologist about that. He told me that the younger the patient is, the less he'd worry--apparently long-lasting erections are a lot more common in teenage boys. He also wouldn't really worry too much if the patient had been involved with sexual stimuli the whole time. But it turning unusual colors, hurting, or not going down after some time away from sexual stimulation is not such a good sign.

(Why yes, I did once have a teenage boy scared he'd hurt himself after he realized his sex marathon with his girlfriend had lasted a really long time. How'd ya guess?)
 
A couple years ago, my partner and I just started our shift. We pulled into post to get some dinner and surprise, surprise; we got a call. It came in as an "injured person" which can literally mean anything. Well, we get more pre-arrival via radio and the dispatcher tells us over the radio it's a 56 y/o female with a vibrator in her rectum. My partner and I start laughing so hard we can't even copy the call properly, but we key up and apparently all you could hear was us laughing. Soooo...We get there and get her to the stretcher, have to txp her prone. We drop her off and we go outside where he have another good laugh before going available. We go back to the same hospital that night and they show us the X-Rays.....IT WAS ALL THE WAY IN HER PELVIS!!!!!! Oh, and it was purple. That was probably one of my best calls to date.
 
We recently had a guy who kept passing out while waiting for his g/f at the airport. He was kind of vague on the "recent medications" part of the interview, and it turned out he had a big night planned and had taken two Viagra or Enzyte tablets while waiting for her plane to land. He was 23! Romeo got to spend his planned night of passion in the ER while the stuff wore off, since his BP was dropping into the 70's every time he stood up.
 
MedicStudentAmy said:
A couple years ago, my partner and I just started our shift. We pulled into post to get some dinner and surprise, surprise; we got a call. It came in as an "injured person" which can literally mean anything. Well, we get more pre-arrival via radio and the dispatcher tells us over the radio it's a 56 y/o female with a vibrator in her rectum. My partner and I start laughing so hard we can't even copy the call properly, but we key up and apparently all you could hear was us laughing. Soooo...We get there and get her to the stretcher, have to txp her prone. We drop her off and we go outside where he have another good laugh before going available. We go back to the same hospital that night and they show us the X-Rays.....IT WAS ALL THE WAY IN HER PELVIS!!!!!! Oh, and it was purple. That was probably one of my best calls to date.
Click to expand...


:wacko:
 
MedicStudentAmy said:
A couple years ago, my partner and I just started our shift. We pulled into post to get some dinner and surprise, surprise; we got a call. It came in as an "injured person" which can literally mean anything. Well, we get more pre-arrival via radio and the dispatcher tells us over the radio it's a 56 y/o female with a vibrator in her rectum. My partner and I start laughing so hard we can't even copy the call properly, but we key up and apparently all you could hear was us laughing. Soooo...We get there and get her to the stretcher, have to txp her prone. We drop her off and we go outside where he have another good laugh before going available. We go back to the same hospital that night and they show us the X-Rays.....IT WAS ALL THE WAY IN HER PELVIS!!!!!! Oh, and it was purple. That was probably one of my best calls to date.
Click to expand...

This is the reason my perverted son says that all babies should be born with a tattoo on their butt that says, "EXIT ONLY".
 
Michael Sykes said:
This is the reason my perverted son says that all babies should be born with a tattoo on their butt that says, "EXIT ONLY".
Click to expand...

But you know what they say about rules: they're meant to be broken. :ph34r:
 
nomofica said:
. Same week, paged out to a female whose "spiked toy" had caught on to the ring of her clitoris piercing. Been to a couple self-mutilation (BME Pain Olympics style) calls. :
Click to expand...

Sure am glad I'm in Northern Ontario where the MOI is normal and wholesome....


That being said...There was a girl who got a polish sausage or Keilbassa (I forget which it is buddy told me) stuck inside her after it broke off.
 
Two-Speed said:
Sure am glad I'm in Northern Ontario where the MOI is normal and wholesome....


That being said...There was a girl who got a polish sausage or Keilbassa (I forget which it is buddy told me) stuck inside her after it broke off.
Click to expand...

Hahaha!
Oh sheesh, I would have a hard time trying not to laugh on scene...
 
Two-Speed said:
Sure am glad I'm in Northern Ontario where the MOI is normal and wholesome....


That being said...There was a girl who got a polish sausage or Keilbassa (I forget which it is buddy told me) stuck inside her after it broke off.
Click to expand...

That has happened too with vegetables, frozen hotdogs...
 
Actually got sent on a transfer (almost) for a female with a foreign body inserted into her urethra. Dr showed us an x-ray with a clearly outlined bobby pin. They had already removed the Q-tip she inserted after the bobby pin. As luck would have it (ours, not the Dr's) they were able to flush her system enough for the Dr to remove the bobby pin. And, we avoided a very long and akward transfer.

Also had a 42 year old male with a erection x 18 hours. Said he woke up a 2 AM with an erection that would not go away. We picked him up for transfer at 8PM that night. Drove him 2 hours, and waited another 3 before letting staff know we had to leave. At the receiving hospital, they had drained 1 liter of blood and couldn't achieve more than a "spongy" penis. The pt said he tried ice, pain stimulus, etc. Nothing worked. During my assessment, while asking him to describe the pain, he said it was "Throbbing. Every time my heart beats". Pulse rate of 98 S/R. I really felt bad for him. Especially when he asked us to stop halfway to the receiving because he had to pee.
 
I didn't get called for either of these but I know the people to whom they happened:

1. Young woman and her husband got a sex toy, it was a ring meant to go around his penis. He put it on and it was pretty awful - didn't fit right and stuff. So they took it off and she decided go with some oral... come to find out she never knew she was allergic to LATEX and the toy was made of it. So she ended up in anaphylactic shock.

2. A different woman, partaking of some solo work and really enjoying herself. So much so that she actually rocked up on her head and twisted. And broke her own neck masturbating. She was...quite embarrassed, as one can imagine.

Yay, sex horror stories.
 
Had a call where a woman was frantic claiming she was being attacke by a large dog.

On route to scene, thought there was going to be a victim completely chewed up and severely mauled.

At scene, German, Shepherd had her pinned to the ground, humping her thigh from behind.

Now how do you not laugh?
 
I'd have one hell of a time with that one, ahaha.
 
Had a female ER tech that was trying to put in a catheter in an elderly man's urethra. He kept getting a hard on evertime she touched his penis. Finally she got so grossed out from this old man that she asked a rather large, generally angry male EMT in the ER to do it for her. He was still hard and when he saw it was not her that was going to insert the catheter, it was too late, A shoved that thing in there, no mercy. Ouch.
 
Two-Speed said:
Sure am glad I'm in Northern Ontario where the MOI is normal and wholesome....


That being said...There was a girl who got a polish sausage or Keilbassa (I forget which it is buddy told me) stuck inside her after it broke off.
Click to expand...

Had a man with a bottle stuck up his ***.

what people stick inside themselves is way beyond me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top