Professional euphemisms (on the job OR off)

mycrofft

mycrofft

Still crazy but elsewhere
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Intro by way of an example:

"Can I HELP you?" means "What the h%ll are Y0U doing here?" (insert stink eye here=>) :glare:

"Sting" for "hurt like excremento".
"Individual" for "human pain in the arse".
"Minor office procedure" for "Glad I'm not the pt, sorry for you mate".

Are there any other phrases such as these that you use either with patients or with others of your ilk?:rolleyes:
 
"Expedite" means "Warp 4 Mr Sulu!".
GT.jpg
 
At 3AM.

What brings me here today? = Why in the hell, did you wait till 3AM to call about the respiratory distress that's been bothering you for a week?
 
unleashedfury said:
At 3AM.

What brings me here today? = Why in the hell, did you wait till 3AM to call about the respiratory distress that's been bothering you for a week?
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And will you please put out that cigarette while we check you out? :unsure:
 
"That's what we're here for" - I'm tolerating your stupidity because you pay my bills.
 
PUHA = Pick Up Haul A$$
Code 60 = Psych pt
"Y'all gonna haffa carry me. I can't walk." = "I can't carry 400lbs in a stretcher down the stairs who walked up said stairs to dial 911 for a generalized weakness. If you don't walk the ground gonna catch ya. Ground ain't missed nothin' yet."
 
phideux said:
And will you please put out that cigarette while we check you out? :unsure:
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Those are my favorite respiratory calls. I am having a trouble breathing you walk into their house with a smokey atmosphere like a bar room. and they talk to you without removing the Marlboro from their mouth...

STXmedic said:
"That's what we're here for" - I'm tolerating your stupidity because you pay my bills.
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That's pretty good.. I'll have to remember that one.
 
I've got all night for you = Could you possibly move any slower and go on and on and on about your umpteen thousand complaints that are nowhere near critical, let alone acute?!?
 
I haven't been out in the field for a while, but one of the euphemisms I've heard to describe patients that are obese is "fluffy." Why "fluffy" you ask? Well, as best as I figure, just like fluffy teddy bears have extra fluff in them, so do our "fluffy" patients.
 
Saw a dry erase board in an ER with pts initials, room, and chief complaint. Some has ABD, CP, SOB, and the like. Then saw an Almond Joy. For "sometimes you feel like a nut".
 
When anything doesn't go to plan at my hospital... "Welcome to County."
"Is there anything else I can do to help?" means, "I want to go home/to sleep and I'm not being used for anything at the moment."
 
"I get paid by the hour." - my shift is almost over but we have some time to waste so go ahead and clean your apartment, wash the dog and empty the litter box before we leave, sweetheart.
 
For those occasions when you can't get the nurse to leave the room to give report:

"This is a known pt with a history of sub-acute complaints" = "He's a frequent flying hypochondriac"

"Pt is anatomically difficult" = "She's so fat, I got that IV with a good guess at the anatomy, and I wouldn't trust that BP for nothin'."

"I took report from the nursing home." = "I'm about to lie to you for the next 45 seconds, but it's the best I can do."
 
Akulahawk said:
I haven't been out in the field for a while, but one of the euphemisms I've heard to describe patients that are obese is "fluffy." Why "fluffy" you ask? Well, as best as I figure, just like fluffy teddy bears have extra fluff in them, so do our "fluffy" patients.
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I believe that reason they use the term "fluffy is there is an obese comic that knickname is fluffy....

http://fluffyguy.com/
 
Ridryder911 said:
I believe that reason they use the term "fluffy is there is an obese comic that knickname is fluffy....

http://fluffyguy.com/
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Yep, and he's damn funny. Actually, he "wanted to inspire people to lose weight" so he has cut down a lot. I saw him last month and he was probably close to 250, if not less. Random tidbit for you.
According to him the 6 levels of fat are;
Big
Healthy
Husky
Fluffy
Damn
Oh, Hell no!

I thought he was pretty damned funny, when I saw him at least.
 
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