Ok...I did one.
We have Durangos that we use as Admin Vehicles, Quick Response Vehicles, Stand bys at Special Events, ect. I was assigned a few shifts back to work the drag races that are held every weekend. So I get it and get to the races, only for them to tell me they decided to cancel the races due to the rain that was moving in.
When I get the Durango back to the Admin building, our LT tells me to just leave the keys on top of the back tire. So I get out and go to the back tire and think NO WAY! do they want it left there. Anybody can see them, and take off with the vehicle. So I look a little further. For the spare tire.
Sure enough, the spare tire is located in the rear, UNDERNEATH the truck. As in you have to crawl on the ground, and get under the vehicle to get to it. Soooo...I do. It wasn't easy, and when I finally got those keys on top of that stupid tire, I sort of high fived myself. It was really hard to do and I was thinking, "WOW!! What a great hiding spot. If someone wants to steal this, they will deserve it if they can get these keys." And off to home I go.
About 2 hours later my phone rings. Its our Shift Captain. He wants to know where the keys to the Durango are as he needs to get it shuttled to another area of the county. Well on the back tire where the LT told me to leave them. No, they aren't he says. He says he is looking right at the back RIGHT tire and they are not there. Oh, thats because thats not the BACK tire. He's like WTF are you talking about, yes it is. So I am like, no its not. The spare tire is the back tire. So he repeats what I said.."You mean you put the keys on top of the SPARE tire?" Yep, and let me tell you it wasn't easy. And then laughter. From about 5 different people.
When he finally gets control of himself, he says something about the spare not being the back tire. I was like it sure as heck is. Its all the way in the back, just underneath the truck. He askes just how in the hell is he supposed to get the keys and do I intend to bring my *** back in to get them. Umm, no I don't foresee me coming in. And how is he going to get them? Crawl his *** under the truck, just like I did, to put them there, Sir. It was right after I said that, that it occurred to me what he was telling me. So I tell him, OHHH, you really did want them left just on top of the back tire where anybody can see them. And then with my laughing.
So he repeats, "You want me to crawl my old, grey haired, out of shape, *** underneath that vehicle, in the rain, to retreive the keys?" This is followed by even more laughter. And I realize he has put me on speaker phone (later he tells me he was laughing to hard to hold the phone).
So I answer him back with, "Umm sir, I am sorry about the grey hairs on your ***, and 52 isnt THAT old, but Yes. And if the LT that told me to put them there is around can you have him take a picture while you do it?" Again with the laughter.
So the next shift I come in and as soon as we go inservice we are told to be enroute to the Admin building. When I get there, everyone looks so serious. The receptionist tells me the Cheif wants to talk to me. Oh CRAP! Can't avoid him now, we are already there. Get into his office and the our Director of Public Safety, Medical Director, that shifts Captain, and my LT and CPT are all there, again with the very serious looks on their faces. So now I am ready to pee my pants.
The Cheif tosses what appeared to be, or used to be a White Officers Shirt. It was covered in dirt and had a tear in it. Asks me if I know what it is. Ummm...No sir (If I cry, and manage real tears, I wonder if he will have mercy on me). So he says to get over to his desk so he can show me something. On his computer are the pictures of my CPT crawling his Old, grey haired, out of shape *** under a Durango, with rain coming down. Apparently he had tried to just reach for them, but couldn't reach them, so he had to get up under it. Apparently, he was using some pretty foul language while he did it, so because he could, the Cheif told him to watch his mouth. He ripped his shirt when he scrambled out to tell the Chief what he can do to himself, only to find the Chief and PS Director laughing at him.
I am just glad I wasn't within his immediate reach when he came out from under it. And you know, he is VERY clear with instructions now.
