Gotta put the Grandma in a nursing home

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Righteous

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Get home from a 13 hour shift to find out grandma can no longer care for herself. Mom can't handle it either. Everyone turns to me cause I'm in EMS. I'm supposed to know exactly what to do lol. A home seems like the only option.

I'm really too tired to figure this out until I catch some Z's. Grandma is 95 and ambulatory with walker. Her mind's not all there. Our family is very private about medical history and I'm just now finding out about grandma's medical hx. Like prying candy from a fat kid.

Anyways the research and all begins tomorrow. I doubt medicare/medicaid covers everything.

Anyone been through this type of stuff before? Got any suggestions? Directions?

For some reason I never thought this would happen...even though its obviously the obvious thing that was going to happen.

Thanks.
 
Righteous said:
Get home from a 13 hour shift to find out grandma can no longer care for herself. Mom can't handle it either. Everyone turns to me cause I'm in EMS. I'm supposed to know exactly what to do lol. A home seems like the only option.

I'm really too tired to figure this out until I catch some Z's. Grandma is 95 and ambulatory with walker. Her mind's not all there. Our family is very private about medical history and I'm just now finding out about grandma's medical hx. Like prying candy from a fat kid.

Anyways the research and all begins tomorrow. I doubt medicare/medicaid covers everything.

Anyone been through this type of stuff before? Got any suggestions? Directions?

For some reason I never thought this would happen...even though its obviously the obvious thing that was going to happen.

Thanks.
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I've been through this twice both with dementia. It's a long road one that as I type this is coming to an end. If you like PM me and I can offer you some guidance. It's definitely not easy.

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First and foremost. Look into moving around grandmas assets if she has any. Medicaid can go after her assets.

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GMCmedic said:
First and foremost. Look into moving around grandmas assets if she has any. Medicaid can go after her assets.

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This. In spades. Everything gets transferred to a living trust or they will grab it. You'll need a lawyer to do it right and protect her assets until such a time where she no longer has a vested interest in them.

If she has money/assets, you can liquidate them to pay for a really nice care facility with adequate, English speaking staff where she will get quality care. If she's broke and the family can't/won't pony up, then sadly she's going to end up in a geriatric warehouse of the type we all know and hate too well. It all comes down to money. Quality facilities cost an arm, leg, and a kidney. Crappy facilities dont cost much, but are awful places to live.

Unfortunately, this is going to be an unpleasant period in your life and the life of your family. There will be fights about everything. There will be stress and drama. Sadly, there isn't an easy road here, unless theres a Walter white storage unit full of money somewhere.
 
In all of the drama that is about to come, don't forget about her. No matter how hard it is for everyone else, its worse for her. Kind of a no-brainer you'd think, but not really.

Be sure someone visits every single day until she dies. Good way to make sure she's getting decent care too.
 
E tank said:
In all of the drama that is about to come, don't forget about her. No matter how hard it is for everyone else, its worse for her. Kind of a no-brainer you'd think, but not really.

Be sure someone visits every single day until she dies. Good way to make sure she's getting decent care too.
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Definitely see a lawyer about the trusts for money.

As E Tank said, see her every day. Or trade off with someone every other day. My mother and aunt traded on and off days visiting my grandmother, and wrote in a journal to each other of things they saw/talked about/discussed regarding my grandmother's treatment. Since she had dementia, it was also useful in tracking her more lucid days and how she acted on her more "normal" days.
 
We're getting to that point with my mom and I honestly can't even think about it. I've been into so many cesspool nursing homes that the idea of my mom being there makes me physically ill.
 
seek a lawyer, as said above.
Another thing... Remember your paying for her care.... MAKE SURE SHE GETS IT! I meet too many people now-a-days that are too scared to ask for something or ask why they didn't get something. Anything from getting proper change at the store, all the way to making sure family gets proper treatment. Ask the nurses there what has been going on ect ect. They have to keep logs of all of that. Make sure you understand what they give her, what time she plays bingo ect, so if something gets messed up, you say "well for the past 3 months dinner came at 5:21 PM, why did it not come until 8:33 pm today" or something like that
 
A word of advice, if you do end up with placement further down the line be visual of the staff and care. I had my grandfather in a dementia care facility when he needed 24/7 nursing that was beyond my wife and I. They dropped him while bathing him and played stupid. He ended up with a broken leg which they left him as such for over a day. Mind you this place was $4,500 a month. I popped in un announced at a weird hour during the planning stages of moving him else where. Only one care giver, not an lvn not even a cna for over 30 patients. Pop in often and un announced.

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Righteous said:
Get home from a 13 hour shift to find out grandma can no longer care for herself. Mom can't handle it either. Everyone turns to me cause I'm in EMS. I'm supposed to know exactly what to do lol. A home seems like the only option.

I'm really too tired to figure this out until I catch some Z's. Grandma is 95 and ambulatory with walker. Her mind's not all there. Our family is very private about medical history and I'm just now finding out about grandma's medical hx. Like prying candy from a fat kid.

Anyways the research and all begins tomorrow. I doubt medicare/medicaid covers everything.

Anyone been through this type of stuff before? Got any suggestions? Directions?

For some reason I never thought this would happen...even though its obviously the obvious thing that was going to happen.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
medi-cal/medicaid does cover nursing home. If your family have money i would suggest you look at board and care. They are usually much better compare to nursing home.
 
NomadicMedic said:
We're getting to that point with my mom and I honestly can't even think about it. I've been into so many cesspool nursing homes that the idea of my mom being there makes me physically ill.
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This echos my thoughts exactly.
 
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