Feeling frustrated with trying to adapt to my new position

Sapaznak

Sapaznak

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Hey everyone! So, little bit of a background story; I’ve been an EMT for almost two years, a year and a half of that being with a BLS/ IFT company, and most recently, 2 months of my first 911 job. I have wanted to pursue a career in EMS since I was 14 ( now being 20) and so far going into this field has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. Right now I’m just looking for a little insight or stories from someone who might have been in the same shoes as me :)

So, recently I made the jump from a BLS/ IFT job, to a 911 position within the same company. I’m about two months into it, having passed my FTO time and have gotten familiar with policies, the map of the county I work in, and learning how to be a good 911 EMT. That being said... the learning curve has been absolutely frustrating for me. I definitely don’t have the best inner confidence to begin with, but I also don’t have a lot of LIFE experience on top of that, which seems to make certain situations that much more difficult . I work with people who are 25 and up, and it feels super awkward being the person who’s not exactly a teenager, but isn’t necessarily a full grown “adult” by other people’s standards.

I constantly find myself second guessing my thoughts and sentences, and often apologize for small mistakes that people tend not to think twice about, or apologize when there’s no need for one; but I just can’t help but feel incompetent and fee like a burden.

I do my absolute best to absorb information from any experienced medic or EMT that I strike a conversation up with, but sometimes I feel like I’m a nuisance constantly asking questions. After a few days of feeling like I am doing well, my confidence starts to build up and I start feeling comfortable and I enjoy my job that much more. Then something usually happens and I get inside my own head and I mentally beat myself up for it.

On a little side note, the last medic I had worked with before he left the unit I was on ( my original medic was coming back from disability leave) wasn’t necessarily the most helpful as far as building confidence went. He would tell me that I wasn’t allowed to talk on scene, would become frustrated when I didn’t park exactly where he wanted me on scene ( which I would ask him before we would park the rig, to which he would tell me something in regards of him not caring where I parked) and would cuss at me for no reason.

All of this being said, I have a passion for EMS, my patients, and for the countless people I work with. The company and division I work for has a very high reputation, and I see all of my coworkers and peers wearing their patches and uniforms with pride. However, I sometimes feel like I’m too much of a unconfident fool to wear the uniform. I don’t think I’m a bad EMT, I’ve been on a wide variety of calls, have at least 4 intense trauma activations, 3 codes, many BLS calls that my medic has let me tech on, and countless code 3 returns under my belt in the two months I’ve been in 911. I just feel like I’m so worried about messing up, that I’ll BECOME a bad EMT due to my lack of confidence.

So, I guess what my point is, is that I’m kind of reaching out to see who else has felt like me before, and to see what advice they have to offer. I would absolutely hate to leave this field, but I know that if I don’t get any better, I would just be more of a hinderance than a helping hand to my coworkers, company, and community. Thank you very much for your time! :)
 
Sapaznak, a lot of us have been through the same things you mentioned. It's normal to have doubts and to want to please others. You need time to grow into your own capabilities and make your mark on EMS, or whatever profession you choose.

Having conflicts with senior coworkers -- or even partners in general -- also isn't unusual. It doesn't sound to me like you're overreacting, which is good. Keep trying to cull helpful feedback from all of the noise coming your way.

You sound like you have above-average communication skills -- a really important attribute for EMS. Also, you're capable of self-critique and seem willing to listen to suggestions. Those things might sound like no-brainers, but lots of people don't have them.

Be patient, settle for small steps forward, and try not to forget the reasons you got into EMS.
 
Sapaznak said:
On a little side note, the last medic I had worked with before he left the unit I was on ( my original medic was coming back from disability leave) wasn’t necessarily the most helpful as far as building confidence went. He would tell me that I wasn’t allowed to talk on scene, would become frustrated when I didn’t park exactly where he wanted me on scene ( which I would ask him before we would park the rig, to which he would tell me something in regards of him not caring where I parked) and would cuss at me for no reason.
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sounds like your last medic was a major douche. Sadly, the whole "i don't care where you park the truck" followed by "well, you parked the truck wrong" is all too common in EMS, especially among poor FTOs and senior providers. But think of it this way: if you can make it through dealing with him, everyone else will be a breeze.

3 codes and 4 traumas in 2 months (assuming you are doing this full time) is actually pretty impressive. Thee are plenty of places that doesn't see nearly that many calls, especially life threatening calls.

You have a couple things going against you: you're young, inexperienced, both of which aren't helping your self confidence, and your first paramedic partner (assuming he was your full time perm partner sine finishing FTO time) was one of those medics who probably masks his own insecurities by putting down his new EMT partners. The first two you can't do anything about, only time will fix that. the last one is coming to an end shortly. Contrary to the belief of some, we all made mistakes we were young, not every paramedic is perfect, and things go a lot smoother when the senior provider actually communicates with his PARTNER, instead of expecting him to read his mind and then get mad when it doesn't happen.

And for the record there are plenty of douche bag EMTs who will treat new employees poorly simply because they can. it was a very common occurrence at my former agency in NJ for the "senior employee" to decide the new person wasn't allowed to drive, wasn't allowed to touch the radios, not allowed to talk to others who they did not know, had to complete the entire truck check, etc, until "they" said otherwise. and this period was at their discretion, unofficial, and could last up to a year.

My advice? keep doing what you are doing. stop over thinking it, and remember, ABCs. As long as those are good, odds are your patient isn't going to die in the next few minutes, so you got time to do your job without feeling stressed out.
 
It took me at least a year of being a 911 EMT to feel moderately comfortable with what I was doing (this was in a slow rural system). EMT class is so short and basic that there's a lot of on the job learning, and with that comes the feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, especially if you work in an ALS system where you suddenly have to know things about paramedic level care like EKGs, meds, advanced airway management, etc. As long as you stay positive and keep learning (read this forum, look up stuff you don't know from calls, learn your protocols and also get familiar with the ALS protocols) you'll continue to gain confidence and be a better provider. In addition, it sounds like you work for a pretty busy system which is big advantage for getting comfortable with patient care. At my first EMS gig I would see maybe 5-6 arrests a year, and you've hit half that that in two months.

Stick with it and you'll improve, I promise (and don't let ****ty coworkers get to you).
 
Good advice given so far.
When I started in EMS I also struggled with confidence issues and would really beat my self up about small mistakes.

I found that it just takes time. My confidence eventually grew and I realized that working hard and being willing to learn goes a long way. Things will get better for you. Eventually you will find that you are not making those small mistakes any more and that things are going smoother. Just give it time and your confidence will grow.
 
Ignore the ****ty partner. If you have a medic or EMT partner that offer fair and honest critique, take it. If they are like the other partner, ignore it.

Confidence comes with time. Take advice of others, reflect on what you can do better, and keep trying to learn on your own. There are still things I learn to do better all the time, but I can say that a year will make a big difference in your confidence.
 
Sapaznak said:
I don’t think I’m a bad EMT
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Doesn't sound like you are at all. Keep your chin up, and don't let salty coworkers (who really should know better than to be jerks) make you feel lesser. Give it some time & see how things go. Check in with a colleague you genuinely trust to see how they think you're progressing.
 
Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice! It definitely makes my mind feel at ease knowing that I’m not the only person that has felt this way, and that there are people who are awesome enough to reach out to offer help :) I’ll definitely do my best to keep my head up and not sweat the little stuff
 
Everything is little stuff.... :)

And....

Do not sweat the petty stuff, do not pet the sweaty stuff.
 
Screw that, Medic VS EMT is a real problem. althought rare it happens you are seen as the ***** while the medic is poppa go to managment
 
Thank you for sharing that, fishyfish. Now let me ask you a question: When you asked for advice not too long ago about whether to transport your ex, how would you have felt if I'd responded, "Screw that, EMT vs ex is a real problem, although it rarely happens you are seen as the ***** when the EMT is poppa airs dirty laundry in public forum"?
 
mgr22 said:
Thank you for sharing that, fishyfish. Now let me ask you a question: When you asked for advice not too long ago about whether to transport your ex, how would you have felt if I'd responded, "Screw that, EMT vs ex is a real problem, although it rarely happens you are seen as the ***** when the EMT is poppa airs dirty laundry in public forum?"
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Hello MRG22, no that was a bit over the top. I feel very bad for this guy and it angers me that people think they can get away with treating the new guys bad. Its like offering your young to the wolves.
 
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