emt's on a fire path: girlfriend ultimatum

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twilightsamurai

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First time poster here, don't really know who else to ask about this.

So, I'm currently employed as an EMT and am moving towards a career in fire. I just completed a fire academy a couple months ago. I met my girlfriend 6 months ago, right before I started academy.

In the beginning of the relationship, she had mentioned that she thought firefighting was pretty dangerous and found it a very unusual career choice. I kind of dismissed that and figured it wasn't a big deal. Ever since then, she has brought it up from time to time saying it bothers her and she thinks it might be a problem if we ever wanted to settle down and have a life together. Her parents don't approve of it as well, which adds even more pressure. I've tried talking to her, and explaining to her that although it is dangerous, its not like the movies, we have safety protocols, etc etc, but she won't change her mind. She's convinced that its just the most dangerous job in the world and can't see a future with somebody in that field. The relationship is pretty serious, and we've dealt with it pretty much by ignoring it. But she brings it up more often nowadays, especially since I've just recently been employed as an EMT. She thinks even being an EMT is dangerous work, and she seems to be unable to ignore it much longer.

So... what do I do? Have any of you guys ever had to deal with this situation as an EMT, a FF, or as somebody aspiring to be one? I don't want to break up with her as I do enjoy being with her and feel strongly towards her. But I can't give up this career path either. Its as much a part of me as our relationship.

tldnr; gf doesn't like the fact I want to be a ff. what should I do?
 
Do you really want to be involved with a person who tries to tell you what to do for your career?? Trust me with two divorces behind me I know this for a fact: if you don't love your significant other unconditionally (that includes career, hobbies, letting the person be who they really are etc.) than the relationship is doomed...
 
Feels like a troll but here goes. I've met quite a few people in the last few years who were in bad marriages because of the job. Don't go down that route. As much as you might be attached to her and feel about her, it will be better in the long run for you to break it off. If this is the career you want to do and persue for the rest of your life then you need to find someone who isn't going to complain about it the entire time and want to you become a desk jockey.

Additionally it sounds a bit morel ike maybe she wants more stability/income into her life. Maybe she realizes that these types of jobs don't pay very well and wants to be more comfortable.

Step back and tell her that "this is my career and you can either work with me on it or we're going to have to end the relationship".

Don't become another divorce statistic in this country where people can't seem to stay married longer than a few months. (Ok this assumes you live in the US...which may not be the case)
 
I'm sort of in the same situation. I want to start fire training, but my fiancé is a little nervous about it...I think he doesn't like the thought of me being in a 'man' job. Not because I'll be one of the few females, but for the fact that he wants the rough dirty job and I should just stay in the medical field. Just a pride thing....But I still plan on doing it.

But anyways....any ultimatum in a relationship is never good. Especially if it involves your future career choice. If it is something you really want to do, do it. It’s your life. It’s still early in the relationship, if she’s giving you an ultimatum on this, there will be way more in the future!

Every career can be dangerous. Getting all your fire certs will open up so many more doors for you.
 
If she is saying these things, and feeling these things, and you are really serious about a fire career, then she is not the one for you. It will only get worse as your relationship progresses, and if you have kids someday, she and her parents will lay on the guilt even more.

You are better off ending the relationship now. You can find a woman who will support your career choice, and she can find a man whose career does not scare her, and you will both have a better chance at being happy.
 
I agree with most of what everyone has already mentioned. The relationship will never work if she is worried about your job, or if you give up what you want to do to be with her.

If your service that you work for allows ride alongs, you should bring her along for a couple of rides. Let her "experience" the job for herself. This may open her eyes to the fact it really isn't what you see on T.V. Hopefully, that will ease her mind.

Good luck!
 
Are you actually asking a bunch of strangers if you should break up with your girlfriend?
 
Forget riding the shiny red truck. You need to seize any opportunity for happiness you can because they are few and far between. What's more important to you, a wife and maybe children one day? Or getting to play hero? Stick to EMS, it's a noble enough calling on its own.

Unless you're just doing EMS to land a firefighting gig, in which case get out of my profession and I really don't care what you do afterward.

Not that I care now.
 
Troll or not I'll play. First off find out why she does not want you to be a firefighter. Is it because she is afraid you will get hurt and die or just that she does not want you to be a firefighter? If it is the later of the two dump her then and there and walk away, no regrets. Now if she is concerned that it will be hard to have a family then she is crazy. Most of the firefighters I know have families and say that the schedule is the best for families, that they get to spend "a crap load of time with my family."

All in all. Just get rid of her. You never want to be in a relationship where one person tries to control who the other is. It is not healthy and you may regret not becoming a firefighter (or insert your dream job here) your entire life.
 
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I'm assuming your early 20's, correct? You've been with her for 6 months and she's already telling you what you can and cannot do with your life.


She's taking it a bit quick, isn't she?
 
I was just asking for a little perspective on the subject. Same reason I'd ask any of my friends for advice. Just thought the advice here would be a little more focused with everybody here being involved in EMS.
 
I find it strange that your girlfriend and her parents look down on an honorable career choice. If she keeps buying into this idea that she will not be able to settle down with you just because you are a firefighter, she is an idiot. Move on.
 
It is not really not about her or your choice of career. In reality it is about you. Your choices. The type of person you are, the decisions and actions you make. What type of person you are going to be and what limitations and restrictions to be what allowances you will forgo.

Even posting here shows some immaturity as not knowing about yourself yet. If this person was really important to you would not be asking on a site of what to do or even have to make a decision. The other end of the spectrum is if you were really important to that person, you as well would not have to be making a decision.

Maturity comes in many forms. It develops with age and life experiences. What one might do or say maybe completely different later on in life.

I believe you have many things to consider other than just getting into a deep relationship at this time. You need to learn and understand yourself much better before sharing with another. Then and only then, you will know whom you will be attracted to as they will want to share your life and experiences as you will theirs.

R/r 911
 
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Consider that you may be miserable for life if you end up with someone as controoling as your GF. Consider also that you may harbor resentment towards her in later years if you give up joining the fire service, if that's really what you want. Consider that a partner's faults will magnify tenfold after tying the knot. Consider that if you cave in now, that will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Relationships are about compromise, among other things, not following ultimatums.
 
Ridryder911 said:
It is not really not about her or your choice of career. In reality it is about you. Your choices. The type of person you are, the decisions and actions you make. What type of person you are going to be and what limitations and restrictions to be what allowances you will forgo.

Even posting here shows some immaturity as not knowing about yourself yet. If this person was really important to you would not be asking on a site of what to do or even have to make a decision. The other end of the spectrum is if you were really important to that person, you as well would not have to be making a decision.

Maturity comes in many forms. It develops with age and life experiences. What one might do or say maybe completely different later on in life.

I believe you have many things to consider other than just getting into a deep relationship at this time. You need to learn and understand yourself much better before sharing with another. Then and only then, you will know whom you will be attracted to as they will want to share your life and experiences as you will theirs.

R/r 911
Click to expand...

When I saw your avatar and read your reply, in my head I imagined Dr. Cox saying it to me. Well, I think you're right. I know I'm immature when it comes to relationships, how to maintain one, and how to balance my professional and personal life at this point. Which is probably why I felt the need to have my intuitions either denied or confirmed by others in similar situations or who have more life experience than myself in general. All my biggest learning experiences in life seem to have been preceded with loss or pain, and I'd hope to be able to grow positively in a situation rather than having to learn from "mistakes" after the fact. Well, we're gonna have a talk about it tonight and see where it goes from there.
 
daedalus said:
I find it strange that your girlfriend and her parents look down on an honorable career choice. If she keeps buying into this idea that she will not be able to settle down with you just because you are a firefighter, she is an idiot. Move on.
Click to expand...

for a little more perspective on the situation, she and her parents are asian, and her parents are quite traditional. its pretty customary to look down on what they perceive as blue collar or manual labor type jobs. And I dont think public safety employees are as highly regarded in China or Taiwan as they are here, which is where she is originally from. Especially police, which are notoriously corrupt over there.

edit: I'm located in the Los Angeles area, CA, USA
 
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I was in the same situation a few months back. I had been with my ex for little over 3 years and I was getting close to completely settling down with her. For the last year of the relationship she became a little uneasy about my profession. And she would worry and every time i left for work she would txt me almost my whole shift and call the station around 2030 to make sure I was ok. and if I didn't respond to a txt she would start freaking out thinking I was dead or something. Finally about a month half ago, i told her its either you deal with me being in this profession and be completely supportive of it, or I am walking away and ending the relationship. I ended up ending it cause she didn't want me doing this job. She actually wanted me to change professions.

That was my experience, but the best advice I can give you is, sit down and talk to her, don't ignore it anymore.

Best of Luck..
 
What I've learned about relationships in the handful I've had is that being happy with yourself first is huge. If you can't be happy then the relationship will never work. If your gf told you she wanted to be something you didn't want her to do what would you say? If you find yourself supporting her more than she is supporting you its time for you to end it before you are unhappy in your job.
 
46Young, also consider the possibility that there may not be another female in his life again. I know, he's young, and I'm too young to be this cynical, but relationships don't just fall out of the sky and no relationship is storybook. That old "you'll meet somebody else" doesn't ring true for everyone. I say forget firefighting. I wanted to be a firefighter once too, but then I outgrew it about the time I outgrew wanting to be an astronaut. Take whatever chance for happiness you get. Trust me, it's better to be in an imperfect relationship than to be alone.
 
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