EMS and marriage

Ridryder911

EMS Guru
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Looking back I realized that all four of my ex wives were during my tenure in EMS. Should have figured that one out a long time ago! They no longer have names, just numbers now. Wife #1, wife #2, etc.

You too?... My mistake each was involved in EMS somehow, #1 RN/EMT/RT, #2 Paramedic, almost #3 Flight Nurse... So yeah, I guess I could blame EMS... :D
 

karaya

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You too?... My mistake each was involved in EMS somehow, #1 RN/EMT/RT, #2 Paramedic, almost #3 Flight Nurse... So yeah, I guess I could blame EMS... :D

Interesting. With the exception of wife #4, none of my other exes had any involvement in EMS. I thought maybe of hooking up with someone in the industry, but with your experience Ridryder, I'll reconsider something else!

Actually I've had no time for a relationship. I've been single a dad raising my three now teenage daughters since wife #3 suddenly passed ten years ago. It's been a good experience and I've enjoyed raising my girls.

And the way I see it, a relationship would put a crimp on my photography work with the travel and all. Unless she too was a photographer? Hmmmm, something to think about!:rolleyes:
 

mikeylikesit

Candy Striper
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well I'm still on wife #1...but when your 21 and have only been married for less than i year i don't think that it is any comparison.
 

karaya

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well I'm still on wife #1...but when your 21 and have only been married for less than i year i don't think that it is any comparison.

Already numbering your wife? Not a good sign!:p
 

wolfie23b

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sapphyre, EMS is very much a 24/7 job. I get calls from my supervisor on days off to come and work because he can't find someone to fill a shift, and of course since all of us here do this career for the money, I take the overtime because I don't need the money. HAHA!!!
 

Jon

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Right.. but you could also tell him that you have plans and can't help him that day. There is no rule that you MUST go in.

This is a do as I say, not as I do moment... in EMS, we need to ensure that we remember out home life, and make sure to schedule time for it. I've got to work on this.
 

wolfie23b

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i agree I could easily say I cannot go in, and I can easily say that the extra money I recieve for going in is not that important because time with the family is gonna pay the bills, and feed my family just fine. Don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE my job, I would not trade it or change it for nothing, I will just remember that I do have to save some of my time for the family. I work 2/ 24's on Monday and Friday at one service and I work 2/ 24's Saturday and Sunday at another. I might take and extra shift on thurs.
It is a fine line between is time, or income more important to my family. Do they need me as much as they need a roof over their head, and food in their bellies. It is hard to walk that fine line and every once in awhile you stumbe, that's when you dust yourself on and walk that line again.
 

karaya

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You're gone four days out of seven and sometimes extra hours on top of that? You better get ready to start numbering your wife - she'll be #1 to go.
 

wolfie23b

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Naw, We have a very good marriage and she is also and Army wife, I just got back from 15 months in Baghdad and she is a trooper. We have been married for 6 years, and lookin' for 50 or more.
 

karaya

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Naw, We have a very good marriage and she is also and Army wife, I just got back from 15 months in Baghdad and she is a trooper. We have been married for 6 years, and lookin' for 50 or more.


I'll remember what you said! :rolleyes:
 

BossyCow

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sapphyre, EMS is very much a 24/7 job. I get calls from my supervisor on days off to come and work because he can't find someone to fill a shift, and of course since all of us here do this career for the money, I take the overtime because I don't need the money. HAHA!!!

There is a reason why they pay more for overtime .. beyond a certain number of hours, the job becomes more difficult. Working too many shifts will hurt you, hurt your family and ultimately hurt your career.
 

Hastings

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I'm going to say here what I said in the chat earlier. EMS is a job, like any other job. The moment you make it your life - as neat as that may sound to you - you are taking a very unhealthy path. Like any other job, and yet even more so in this one, you need to do your job and then have time off. You need to do your 12 or 24 hour shift, and then go home to your family and be a civilian for the next 12 or 24. There are too many unnecessary (and downright stupid) consequences to making a job like this your life, whether they be in your performance, personal health, or your personal life.

Some of you clearly need to learn that it's time to turn the pager off at the end of your shift. You do enough good while you're on the clock. You don't need to make personal sacrifices in order to do more.
 

NomexMedic

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Thankfully I haven't had to cross this road yet. But it definitely gives you some things to think about.
 

Medic9

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As an Army wife of a soldier that has been a recruiter, gone to Korea, been assigned to a unit that trains Reserve and National Guard units (gone almost every weekend and most of the summer), regular field training, two deployments to Afghanistan and an upcoming deployment to Iraq I can say that some of us are so used to being alone.
Now, some spouses don't do as well with the seperations and those are the ones that usually file for divorce.
The difference between military and EMS is in EMS we kind of have a choice when it comes to our schedules. I walk the very thin line between work and family and there have been times that I have tripped up and gone to work when I should have stayed home but food, shelter, and other goodies had to be paid for.
 

NomexMedic

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As an Army wife of a soldier that has been a recruiter, gone to Korea, been assigned to a unit that trains Reserve and National Guard units (gone almost every weekend and most of the summer), regular field training, two deployments to Afghanistan and an upcoming deployment to Iraq I can say that some of us are so used to being alone.
Now, some spouses don't do as well with the seperations and those are the ones that usually file for divorce.
The difference between military and EMS is in EMS we kind of have a choice when it comes to our schedules. I walk the very thin line between work and family and there have been times that I have tripped up and gone to work when I should have stayed home but food, shelter, and other goodies had to be paid for.

I've heard that there tends to be a lot of infidelity by both sides of the spouses when their loved ones are on deployment. Is there really any truth to this and is it for the same reasons?
 

wolfie23b

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I am a soldier and just got back from Iraq about 6 months ago and my wife dealt with it very well, and she also understands the reason I pull the overtime is for our financial well being. If I don't pull the OT then there are a lot of things that would have to be put on the back burner such as choosing between food or utilities and clothes for the kids. It is a very fine line but what choice do I have when I love my profession and will not, and could not do anything else.
 

Medic9

Forum Lieutenant
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I've heard that there tends to be a lot of infidelity by both sides of the spouses when their loved ones are on deployment. Is there really any truth to this and is it for the same reasons?

Yes there is alot of infidelity some of it is without the others knowledge and other have "arrangments". It crosses all ranks, enlisted and officers alike.
 

EMTAlex209

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It's very difficult for a spouse who has no idea what "we" do in general. It's just plain difficult and useless to try and vent to them as they don't percieve or understand what it is we quite do. My suggestion to you that is having the problem with the wife is take her on a ride-along. That will make her see what it is you do, why you do it, and why you can't answer the phone everytime or have the time to talk when you do if you're down paperwork. Best of luck.
 

Jon

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I stumbled across this blog yesterday. They actually talk a little about relationships this week (both male/female and interpersonal relationships at work). At least one of the contributors happens to be an active member of EMTLife... Congrats, Lucid!

http://normalsinus.blogspot.com/
 

Tincanfireman

Airfield Operations
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It took me a long time to realize the importance of family over EMS/work, and it was nearly too long. I missed a lot of time with my kids because I had "important work" to attend to and was always late getting home. How I wish I could turn back those calendar pages for a do-over. I (and my dear wife) understand there's the occasional last-minute-before-shift-change call, but not every day. Believe me, when the shift is over, go home. There will always be another emergency, another critical patient, another chance to save a life. Let the calls that occur after shift change belong to the next shift. Off duty, let your conscience be your guide. I'm with Epi; call 911 from your cell phone and let the on-duty folks handle it. Nine times out of ten your presence won't make a difference in the final outcome and you're gonna get wrapped up in something you'll later wish you hadn't. I will stop to render aid only if the need is great and I honestly believe I have the skills and tools necessary to make a difference. Let your time with your loved ones be your priority, not the next call.
 
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