EMS and marriage

Angelr87

Forum Ride Along
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My issue is my wife always compares her job with mine. I can’t compare both our jobs. She is at home most of the time. She deals with some phone calls and mostly in office drama.

she throws it in my face that I chose this job.

I don’t get a lot days off sadly marriage is my other job, I feel. At work I drive all day, I tech all day. I have to deal with ift and 911s so it’s a roll
Of the dice how much day is. And I can’t for the life me take it seriously when she says

“I work hard too”

when I just dealt with a full code, a stab wound, a sexual assault, no real lunch. In the rain, in the snow, in the heat. So she doesn’t understand when I need a day off not to drive, not to think. She just doesn’t understand. That’s my current issue.
 

PotatoMedic

Has no idea what I'm doing.
2,485
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#MarriageCounseling
 

DrParasite

The fire extinguisher is not just for show
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1) EMS is not a 9 to 5 job... it often involves working nights and weekends too. Esp if you pick up or assigned OT. And additional trainings and other stuff that pops up. Or if you work a side job or two.
2) Office work might not be as physically tiring, but it can be mentally tiring.
3) my current job (not EMS) is mostly 9 to 5, but I also have to do stuff in the evenings or at 3am once a month. it does get tiring.
4) Even the communications people have stressful days; it's not the same as being on the truck (I've done both), but the stress level can be more in the comm center than on the truck.

@Angelr87 stop comparing your work with hers. it won't go anywhere positive. She has her job, and you have yours. Just because someone is working from home doesn't mean they aren't doing work, and you ARE wrong to think that just because she is WFH that her work isn't hard.

Sounds like you and your wife need to involve a third party who can help you see things from the others perspecteive.
 

VentMonkey

Family Guy
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4,606
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My issue is my wife always compares her job with mine. I can’t compare both our jobs. She is at home most of the time. She deals with some phone calls and mostly in office drama.

she throws it in my face that I chose this job.

I don’t get a lot days off sadly marriage is my other job, I feel. At work I drive all day, I tech all day. I have to deal with ift and 911s so it’s a roll
Of the dice how much day is. And I can’t for the life me take it seriously when she says

“I work hard too”

when I just dealt with a full code, a stab wound, a sexual assault, no real lunch. In the rain, in the snow, in the heat. So she doesn’t understand when I need a day off not to drive, not to think. She just doesn’t understand. That’s my current issue.
Go back and re-read the first few pages. The same advice applies today as it did 13 years ago.

It sounds like you’re completely immersed in the “identity” of your job; very toxic. I know of no marriage that’s come out stronger by constantly comparing roles or responsibilities. This would include my own.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I was blessed enough to have the woman of my dreams stay by my side through a lot of turmoil. A lot.

Again, nothing new here. I have had a lot of humble pie to eat over the years. You sound like you need this same kick in the teeth.

Telling people on here about all of the calls and strife you’ve experienced on the job yields little sympathy. We’ve all endured a similar path. One we’ve at some point accepted.

One thing I’ve learned, no one knows how awesome said EMS provider, nor how hard they have it than them themselves.

No one cares as much either. Sounds pretty narcissistic, wouldn’t you agree?

Fix you, you can’t “fix” your spouse. Your relationship? Sure that’s mutual. Trying to convince your S.O. that you’re right and they’re wrong? Highly arrogant and pointless.

Oh, and strong work on the thread revival...
 

CarSevenFour

Forum Crew Member
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9
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Another EMS marriage casualty. After 17 years, she left to go live with some punk kid. Devastating, he fixed diesel engines, I fixed broken people and ended up there myself when she made her choice. Ambulance work is a tough life but isn't the be-all and end-all. Even though I was on-call in my off-duty hours, I solved that by never NEVER answering the phone at home. Can't make me come in if there's no answer. My cure was to guard my homelife as much as possible, but still, some of the crap from work leaked into my life. Well, a lot of it, and I paid the price. What gave me perspective was getting hobbies that ended up being my off-duty avocation. Photographing ships for posterity and building detailed scale models of them from scratch using shipbuilder's plans, writing, learning to play musical instruments, learning to repair them, and just giving them away so kids could learn, too. There's nothing better to me than taking old Goodwill clarinets and making them sing again. When I'm face down in a pile of parts, I am happy and fulfilled. Life is really simple if you have priorities. EMS isn't 24/7/365. That being said, I carry a full kit in my truck in case I come across an accident during my daily grind and help if I can until proper resources arrive on-scene, then I leave and go about my business.
 

GMCmedic

Forum Deputy Chief
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when I just dealt with a full code, a stab wound, a sexual assault, no real lunch. In the rain, in the snow, in the heat.

Nobody cares. As much as you want to be special, you're not.

she throws it in my face that I chose this job.
Well, she's not wrong.




My issue is my wife always compares her job with mine.


It's not a contest. Talk TO each other about your days, not AT each other.



And I can’t for the life me take it seriously when she says

“I work hard too”

You might be the problem.
 

johnrsemt

Forum Deputy Chief
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When I worked a busy service I very VERY seldom got off on time, but when we were off together I didn't answer the phone, or carry my pager: we were off together.
Now after 13 years here, my wife gets upset when I don't answer her texts or calls right away, and I have to remind her that once in a great while I have to work while I am at work.

You won't get off on time; but on days that you are off together, be together (maybe take a nap for a few hours) but then spend the rest of the day together, or take care of the kids so she has time off. Don't answer the phone, don't talk about how bad your day was: he/she has bad days too.
 

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